At Your Side
by lmsnee
Summary: McCoy has set out to dislike his new head nurse – which would be easier if he wasn't so attracted to her. The crew of the Enterprise with typical fights, fun, drama and aliens, and of course McCoy/Chapel – and how they came to be.
1. Chapter 1  The Enterprise  Christine

_Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters or ideas in this story. It would be difficult since they were created before I was born. However, I'm grateful that I can borrow them for a bit._

_This story is written in two parts – from both Christine and McCoys POV. I was initially going to write it as two separate stories, but decided it might be better if you could compare their characters and fill in the missing scene more easily. Nevertheless, if you find the repetition slightly boring, please feel free to read this from just one characters POV .I'll be intrigued to hear what character you choose. Thanks for reading. _

1. The Enterprise - Christine

Christine Chapel straightened her skirt for the third time and pinned a few stray hairs out of her eyes as the pilot announced that they were five minutes from landing. She strapped herself in, and tried in vain to convince herself that the butterflies in her stomach were nothing but space-sickness. The starship grew larger in the window and she couldn't help but stare as the butterflies stepped up their dance. This was it - her new beginning – her first position on the Federation's flagship, and as head nurse no less. She could do this. Admiral Pike wouldn't have recommended her for the position if he had thought she were any less capable. Her mind drifted back to the scenario five days previously.

He had been sitting at his desk frowning over a holopad when she entered, eyes bloodshot and hair already beginning to turn grey.

"Kirk gets himself into more fights than the rest of the fleet put together." He said by way of greeting. "I feel for its medical team."

Christine had a sudden suspicion why he had called her in, and she didn't like it. She prayed she was wrong.

"Sir?"

"They need the best up there. People with resolve, who don't shy from danger, and who can handle the pressure. Consequently, I've recommended you for the position of head nurse on the Enterprise."

Christine felt her heart sink into her stomach, but the sorrow was tainted with confusion. "Thank you sir. I wasn't aware the position was open. Has something happened to nurse Simkins?"

The frown deepened on her commander's face. "I'll say. His name was James T. Kirk."

"Oh." She wasn't sure what she should say to that. She had heard, of course, of Jim's behaviour towards women – few people hadn't – but she hadn't though he would sink that low. She wondered what Simkin's husband had said. Since she had resigned her commission, it probably hadn't been good.

"I appreciate that you're just about to start your doctorate, and that continuing in the nursing field isn't want you had planned, but you're one of the best medics I've ever met, Chapel. After the Narada disaster experienced personnel are hard to come by. I need you on that ship for the next few years."

She felt her stomach fall to the floor. He was ordering her to put her life on hold for another five years. Again.

"I understand sir." She said, attempting to keep her face passive.

She felt the admiral's eyes on her face. "I know that this isn't what you want Christine, but trust me, Kirk and the Enterprise are different from anything you've ever done. Think of it as a new start. You never know, you might enjoy it."

He smiled at her and the one she gave in return was less than convincing. "Yes sir. Perhaps."

"Good, dismissed." As she turned to leave, he added. "I know you already acquainted with Jim, but just make sure you watch-out for yourself in that department. I can't afford to be losing another head nurse." She nodded. She didn't need a warning about Jim.

And that was that. She was on a transport heading towards the Enterprise, docked for maintenance. In the intervening days she had tried to convince herself that the position would be a good thing. The Admiral had been right – she did need a new start after all that had happened, and there was no reason why she couldn't make it on the Enterprise, just as she had been planning to use medicine. However, the nightmares warned her that perhaps she wasn't yet ready to serve on another starship – as she woke up in cold sweats, the images of the dead filling her mind. Perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps she simply didn't have the nerve for that type of work anymore. And yet here she was.

The transport shuddered to a halt, knocking her from her reverie and she picked up her bag with deceptively steady hands. She surrounded herself with calm and followed the other passengers out with her head held high.

"Nurse Chapel?" A young man with a thick accent waved her from her path.

"Yes."

"Cherkov Ma'am. The captain asked me to escort you to his office."

"That was kind of him."

"Yes – the captain is wery kind."

Christine had to fight to keep a straight face, hysteria replacing her nerves, and followed him into the turbolift.

He knocked on a door, and she heard a voice murmur 'Come in.'

"Sir, I have brought the lady, just as you instructed."

Jim Kirk turned in his chair, and fixed a pair of them with a grin. "So you have ensign – and a sterling job you did too. Dismissed."

The Ensign left and Kirk looked her up and down in a way that would have made her blush had she not suddenly been presented with an image of him aged four, covered in chocolate at his mother's wedding. She fixed him with her unperturbed look – the one she gave her patients when she was explaining to them that she had seen it all before, and his eyes met hers and immediately ceased their straying.

"Captain Kirk." She said calmly.

"Christine Chapel." He stood and shook her hand, holding it for perhaps a second too long. "I could barely believe it when Admiral Pike sent me his recommendations for new crew and you were at the top of his list. The last time I saw you, I think I was eleven and you managed to convince my mum that my stepdad sending me to a bootcamp on Mars wasn't the best way to deal with my bad behaviour."

"From what I've heard, captain, I'm wondering if I did the right thing."

"Now, what a thing to say to the youngest captain in Federation history."

She smiled. "I'm sorry sir. How is your mother?"

"Fine, fine. Husband number seven, wouldn't you know?"

She frowned. Kirk's mother had never managed to get over his father's death and had dealt with it through a string of poorly chosen husbands. "Maybe this one will work out."

The man made a face and wandered to the comm system at the wall. "He's Andorian. I certainly hope not." He pressed the comm. "Kirk to McCoy."

"McCoy here."

"Bones where are you? Your new head nurse is in my office and you're late."

"What do you think I'm doing captain, watering the roses? I'm trying to run a sickbay here." She heard the gravelly response.

"Well get that other doctor in. I want you here in five minutes, or I'll get Scotty to beam you."

"Don't you dare you-."

"NOW Bones."

The line went dead and Kirk turned back to her, still smiling. "And that, as you heard, is your new CMO. Don't worry, he's just angry because I beat him at poker last night. I'm sure that Pike warned you about the grumpy old man."

"Actually, sir, no he didn't."

"Is that so? Probably wise really, else you wouldn't have wanted to come. Don't worry – he's a bit rough around the edges but he's an excellent doctor. I just wish he'd stop making the nurses cry – it just makes me want to comfort them, and Bones gets annoyed when I distract them. I'm sure you'll find a way of dealing with it."

"I'll try sir."

"Good – if anyone can do it, you can. As I recall you managed to keep me quiet through the whole of my mother's second wedding ceremony. That in itself was a near miracle."

"As _I_ recall, captain, I had to bribe you with sweets."

"Well, I'm sure Bones wouldn't be adverse to a little bribery. I'm sure you have all sorts of 'sweets' up your sleeve."

He was leaning closer to her and she had to fight the urge to step backwards. He had grown up to be handsome, but unfortunately predictable. She kept her face clinical. Best to nip this one in the bud.

"I heard why Nurse Simkins left."

That made him stand up straight and she allowed herself to start breathing again. "Is that so?"

"Yes. And just so we're clear captain, our relationship will be nothing but professional. I have no interest in you that way – you are my captain, I will be your head nurse, and we will have a professional respect for one another."

"I've always liked a woman in uniform."

She felt like sighing. Instead she put an edge in her voice. "I'm serious James. If you want to work with me on this ship you will not flirt, seduce or in any other way romance me or any of my nurses. You will respect us, and value our ability, but it _will _end there."

"Sounds like this one has a modicum of common sense, Jim." She heard a dry voice behind her and froze. She hadn't heard the door open. She suddenly and desperately prayed that her new boss hadn't heard her ordering the captain about. Unfortunately she knew it was futile. She kicked herself – why couldn't she have chosen a more private time to have had this conversation?

"Ah Bones, she doesn't just have common sense, but looks good in a uniform and is adept in the art of bribery. I think I may have to visit the sickbay more often."

"You visit often enough. I'm not running a dating service."

Jim chuckled and took his chair again. "I have your file, Nurse Chapel. Very impressive it is too. Five years as a nurse aboard the _Venture_ with several commendations, then head nurse aboard the _Yamato_ before its destruction during the _Narada _incident. Admiral Pike told me how you saved forty crewmembers by flying the escape shuttle yourself when the pilot was killed. I'm surprised they didn't give you a medal of valour after that."

They had tried – but she hadn't accepted it. She had only saved forty people. More than three thousand people had lost their lives on that ship alone, including her CMO, the captain and many of her friends. The images of blood and death would haunt her forever.

Kirk was watching her face carefully, and she kept it suitably calm.

After a slight pause, he continued: "You're also more than educationally qualified – several degrees including xenophysiology and astrochemistry. That should keep you on your toes, Bones."

"I've read her file too, Jim. I wouldn't have bothered coming if I had thought all you were going to do was quote it back to me." Christine had to work hard to suppress an impulse to turn and look at the man she now had the unfortunate task of working with closely.

"Now, now. Stop being so impatient – we're a family here, and I want Chapel to know how much we appreciate her taking this post."

"She didn't have much choice in the post. None of us do – we're Starfleet." The Doctor retorted. "Now if you're finished welcoming her into the 'family' I have a medical facility that's falling apart and need of a doctor. And a nurse."

He turned, and strode out. Christine stood her ground, and Kirk grinned at her.

"Dismissed, Nurse Chapel, and good luck." She nodded, already feeling out of her depth, and turned to leave. "Oh, and Christine?" He winked at her. "Welcome to the Enterprise." The door slid shut.


	2. Chapter 1 The Enterprise McCoy

1. The Enterprise - McCoy

Leonard McCoy was not feeling good. He hadn't been for quite a while – in fact, unlike most of his patients, he could pinpoint the exact moment when the illness had started. It was those first steps onto the Enterprise a few months ago. Since then, his headache had been growing as he tried to keep the crew of this damned ship alive long enough to carry out their mission. Most of the time he thought he was the only sane one on the ship – he included the Vulcan in the insanity category since being in a relationship with a human clearly compromised his judgment – and without a doubt he was the only competent person in the sickbay. He finished scanning his patient, a young engineer who had managed to get in the way when the conduit he was working on overloaded, and allowed him to go back to work. He looked for a nurse to tidy up but that was about as likely as Jim not seducing someone on an away mission. He imagined they were behind a screen somewhere, deciding how best to destroy him.

Everything had gone to hell since Nurse Simkins left. He was still angry with the captain about that. It had taken him two months to train her up enough so that he didn't feel a sense of impending doom every time he left the sick bay. She hadn't been a particularly good nurse, if he was honest, but she had left him be and had been useful at organising the other nurses, who now seemed to be as reliable as a chocolate saucepan. Now he had to assign a new head nurse to take over that role – someone that he didn't have time to – nor did he care to – train up. He reassured himself that as long as she stayed out of his way and kept the nurses in order it would be fine, though damned if he knew what would ever happen if the ship had a large disaster. The thought of that kept him up at night.

The comm. whistled. "McCoy here."

"Bones, where are you? Your new head nurse is in my office and you're late."

Damn, he had forgotten she was arriving today. "What do you think I'm doing captain, watering the roses? I'm trying to run a sickbay here." On his own, it would seem. He didn't have time to be making niceties with the new staff.

"Well get that other doctor in. I want you here in five minutes, or I'll get Scotty to beam you." "Don't you dare you-."

"NOW Bones."

He switched off the communicator with a slam and once again regretted the day he had first laid eyes on James T. Kirk. He probably would be happy now – doing physicals of cadets on earth, or running a small clinic on a space station – not on a damned starship that ran into trouble almost every day and was lead by a captain with the emotional maturity of a teenager.

He left the sickbay without a word and strode up to the captains office. He didn't bother knocking – he hadn't in a long time – it was the only way to catch the captain up to mischief – and entered the room silently.

"I'm serious James. If you want to work with me on this ship you will not flirt, seduce or in any other way romance me or any of my nurses. You will respect us, and value our ability, but it _will _end there."

The edge in the woman's voice surprised him – most women simpered at Jim in a predictably annoying way, and he had never heard one tell him to stay away. He almost smiled.

"Sounds like this one has a modicum of common sense, Jim."

Jim grinned at him. "Ah Bones, she doesn't just have common sense, but looks good in a uniform and is adept in the art of bribery. I think I may have to visit the sickbay more often."

He rolled his eyes, but a small voice assured him that from behind, she did look good in a uniform. Her hair was blonde and pinned up neatly, her waist was small and her legs…"You visit often enough. I'm not running a dating service."

Jim chuckled and took his chair. "I have your file, Nurse Chapel. Very impressive it is too. Five years as a nurse aboard the _Venture_ with several commendations, then head nurse aboard the _Yamato_ before its destruction during the _Narada _incident. Admiral Pike told me how you saved forty crewmembers by flying the escape shuttle yourself when the pilot was killed. I'm surprised they didn't give you a medal of valour after that."

Leonard admitted had been intrigued about that too – the medal had been given out for far lesser acts. He wondered if she had turned it down – and if so, why she had. Starfleet was competitive, and a medal like that would have had her set for life. But perhaps Pike's report was not accurate. Kirk was scrutinising her face in a way that he suddenly wished that he could, just so he could get a measure of the woman.

Clearly he didn't see anything, because he continued: "You're also more than educationally qualified – several degrees including xenophysiology and astrochemistry. That should keep you on your toes, Bones."

He frowned at his friend. What did he want him to say? Bravo, she was smart – considerably so since she didn't look old enough to have achieved four degrees; but clearly not smart enough not to get onto this ship. "I've read her file too, Jim. I wouldn't have bothered coming if I had thought all you were going to do was quote it back to me."

"Now, now. Stop being so impatient – we're a family here, and I want Chapel to know how much we appreciate her taking this post."

He bristled at that. She wouldn't have had to take the post had he been able to keep it in his trousers. "She didn't have much choice in the post. None of us do – we're Starfleet." He would have left this ship a long time ago if he'd had the choice. And if Kirk hadn't been his only damned friend. "Now if you're finished welcoming her into the 'family' I have a medical facility that's falling apart and need of a doctor." He looked at the woman pointedly. "And a nurse."

Jim grinned in his infuriating way, and the doctor left before he said something rude.


	3. Chapter 2 The Doctor  Christine

2. The Doctor - Christine

Good grief, he walked fast. She had to jog a little to catch him up, an action that didn't gel nicely with the calm and collected woman she was hoping to portray.

"I knew the captain as a child." She told her new CMO rather breathlessly as way of explanation for her previous behaviour. "Obviously I wouldn't have presumed to have said what I did-."

"Well I'm sure it was a lovely reunion, nurse Chapel, but I really don't give a damn." She suddenly wished she hadn't spoken. Or taken the job. "What I do care about is the fact there is no staff rosta, I can never find a dermal regenerator when I need it, and most of the nurses seem to be inept. That, I take it, is what you're here for?"

"Yes doctor."

"Good."

They entered the sickbay and Christine finally understood what happened when there was no head nurse for several weeks. The place was untidy, instruments over the boards and the beds unprepared. The nurses on duty were unkempt in a way she would never allow even if roused from sleep in an emergency, and the medicine cabinet was wide open. She certainly had her work cut out.

"There we have it, Nurse Chapel. The wonder that is sickbay." She finally managed to look McCoy in the face, and realised with a start, that he was handsome and far younger than she had expected. And smirking at her in a way that made her itch to slap him. "There's a pile of datapads by the computer that I'm sure you find useful. I'll be in my office if there's an emergency. Otherwise, have fun."

He strode away from her and slammed the door, leaving her bewildered amidst the chaos. He hadn't even introduced her to the staff, she thought vaguely. Then she felt the first flare of what must have been anger, and it roused her to action. She was Christine Chapel, head nurse, and she would not be beaten by a doctor with an attitude problem. With that she rolled up her sleeves and got to work.

Three hours later she had worked her way through the datapads of old rostas and personnel files, introduced herself to the staff on duty in a way that made sure they knew she would accept little under the best, had assigned several nurses to tidy, and began to formulate a list of the things that needed to be done and the changes she would have to implement.

Three hours and seven minutes after she had started work, her first patient appeared, suffering from little more than a concussion. However, she duly followed protocol and knocked on McCoy's door.

"Come in." She opened the door and slipped inside.

The office was large, but far tidier than outside, and she began to understand why a man like him would grow frustrated working in imperfect conditions. Then again, she reasoned, if it had bothered him so much he should have done something about it, rather than wait on a new head nurse being assigned.

"Nurse Chapel?" McCoy looked up at her from his datapad frowning.

"There's a crewman with a suspected concussion outside. You should take a look at him."

"A concussion? It's not Ensign Tsot again is it?"

"I'm not sure, doctor."

He sighed and got to his feet. "You'd better show me."

He followed her out of the room, and scowled at the patient sitting on the bed.

"Tsot! What did I tell you about sparring with a Klingon without a helmet."

"That I would probably receive permanent brain damage if I kept hitting my head so hard?" The man exclaimed, shooting Christine a worried look.

"No, the word I used was _definitely_, Tsot. The fact you haven't followed my warning tells me that either you're an idiot, or the damage has already began. Which is it?" McCoy was already scanning him.

"We were taking it easy – I thought I would be ok."

"When have you ever met a Klingon that takes it easy? Honestly, one time, I'd understand. Two and I'd think you're unlucky, but five times Ensign? Even the Klingon must be getting bored of embarrassing you by now."

"Doctor…" She murmured in warning, noting a sudden change in the man's face. She caught him and laid him down as his eyes rolled backwards and he began to convulse.

"Damn, he really did hit his head too hard. Give me 100cc mannitol." She pulled out the solution from her newly organised cabinet and injected it as the doctor stared at the scanner, shook it, then shouted. "Nurse Campbell, bring me a scanner that you've actually bothered to charge."

The young nurse, who had been organising a cabinet, actually squeaked, then grabbed a scanner and brought it over, tripping over his own feet in the process.

McCoy grabbed it with a glare, then began to scan his patient again. "The brain hasn't herniated, but there's an increase in pressure due to the bruising… And around he comes." He stopped the man sitting up. "You're all right Tsot."

"What happened?" The man asked weakly.

"You passed out." Christine told him kindly. "But it's not serious."

McCoy arched an eyebrow at her, but simply said: "I'll want to keep you for a few hours for observation, but I don't think you have any lasting brain damage. You've given it a bashing, that's all."

"I won't spar any more doctor, I promise."

"Bit late for that now, lad."The doctor said gruffly, but patted the man on the shoulder as the comm. whistled.

"McCoy here." She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she covered Tsot up with a blanket.

"Doctor, the captain would like you on the bridge." A woman's voice told him.

The man frowned. "Fine. On my way."

He turned and caught her eye, and she moved to meet him.

"Monitor his blood, and watch him closely for any change in consciousness or vomiting. I might have to drain some CSF if the swelling continues."

"Yes doctor." He picked up a medikit as her mind caught up. "How long will you be?" She asked.

The man chuckled darkly. "Depends on the mess the captain's got us into this time. I'm the only sane one on that bridge, and the captain knows it. You'll hold the fort here?"

"I'll have to." She tried to keep the irritation out of her voice.

He looked vaguely at the other nurses. "Yes you will."He murmured.

Fourteen hours later, just as she was handing over to the night staff and getting ready to leave, the doctor returned without warning with two injured Tellarite ambassadors and several bruised security staff. Twenty hours later, the captain joined them, boasting a bleeding lip and several broken fingers. Twenty-two hours after the doctor had left, and twenty-five hours and seven minutes since she had arrived at the sickbay for her first day, her adrenaline finally wore out and she found herself leaning against the wall for support as she gently explained to Nurse Temple why using thermal regenerators on Tellarites was not a good idea. It wasn't until several minutes later, when she had dismissed the nurse and all was quiet in sickbay, that she realised the Doctor McCoy was leaning against his door frame, arms crossed across his chest, watching her with an unfathomable expression.

She met his gaze steadily and it seemed to rouse him from whatever he had been thinking.

"Come in, Nurse Chapel."

She frowned wearily, but followed him into his office.

He indicated her to a chair opposite his desk and took his own, crossing his hands over his chest. She fought the impulse that was dragging her eyes down and tried to pay attention to the man in front of her.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked her, taking a bottle of something pale green and glowing out of a drawer.

"No. Thank you." She watched him pour himself one and wondered vaguely whether keeping her here was some form of torture he felt necessary to put her through. Some sort of test?

He took a sip and then met her eyes.

"How did you know that Tsot was about to fit, Nurse?"

Ah, so this was how he was going to play it? "I could see it in his face sir."

"See it in his face? An instinct?"

She shrugged. Her previous CMO hadn't liked it when she had admitted to her instincts. But then, perhaps it had been because he was Vulcan. Admittedly it wasn't measureable and certainly wasn't a direct science. "Some call it instinct. I like to think I simply have enough experience that I'm able to recognise the signs quicker."

"I see. Well you did well. You sent him home?"

"Yes. His intracranial pressure dropped, he had no more bouts of unconsciousness and his bloods were all normal. I gave him a hypospray for the headache."

"Good." She frowned at him. He was beginning to sound more and more like a Vulcan by the second, and his face was just as emotionless. Where was the unreasonable man? She wondered idly whether he had a personality disorder. She glanced at the glass in his hand. An alcoholic with a personality disorder. The thought made her smile.

Then she was suddenly aware that the world was swimming in front of her and black spots were forming in front of her eyes. She felt hot and sick, and put her head between her knees.

She dully heard an expletive in a deep voice, then a cool hand on her head and high-pitched whine of a scanner.

"And that-;" She heard the doctor murmur; "Is what I thought was going to happen."

She felt a stab of a hypospray and instantly felt better. Then she realised that she had just gone faint in front of her CMO. She sat up quickly and pulled away, trying not to meet his eyes. Good grief – could this day get any worse? He would now not only think that she was someone who usually spoke out of turn, but that she was one of the females that swooned after a bit of hard work.

"I'm fine." She told him, forcing herself to remain calm and meet her eyes as he put the scanner away.

"When was the last time you ate, Nurse Chapel?"

"A long time ago sir." She had planned on eating something several times in the last day – and had sent several of the nurses to do the same – but something had always come up to take the intention away. It would be almost 48 hours since her last meal.

He threw her an apple across his desk – she wondered where that had materialised from – and she somehow managed to catch it.

"Eat it." He ordered her.

She cringed at the idea of him watching her eat. She was not his patient. "It's ok, doctor. I was just going to my quarters now anyway – I'll get something then."

"Nurse, you're not leaving this office until you've eaten it, so less arguing and more eating."

She held his gaze, but he showed no signs of giving in. Sighing, she bit into the apple. The man watched, and then frowned at her. She tried to ignore it, and the butterflies that had taken residence in her stomach, and instead said:

"Is the sickbay usually like that?"

"You mean the madness?"

"I mean the lull and then the storm. I thought that we were still docked for repairs – so why did Tellarite diplomats end up on the ship? And how?"

McCoy sighed. "Best not to ask questions when Jim Kirk is the captain. He's brilliant, but the man could attract trouble in the great void."

"I see."

"You probably don't, but you will." He was still intently watching her eating the apple. "You didn't have to stay beyond your shift, Nurse."

She frowned at the implied criticism. "There was work to be done, and none of the other nurses seemed to have the experience to work on Tellarites without supervision. Besides, you're still here are you not?"

"I'm the head doctor on the Enterprise. I'm never off duty." Considering the last day's events, she imagined that was true.

They sat in silence for a moment, nurse and doctor studying one another.

"I read your paper on neuroregeneration." She commented. In fact, she had read most of his papers. There had been several of them, and she had been familiar with his work even before receiving her call to Enterprise. He had been a brilliant up-and-coming research doctor with a top hospital position. She wondered what had happened to make him join StarFleet.

"That was a long time ago, nurse." He replied dryly.

"Have your views on it developmental potential changed?"

"No." He frowned. "In fact, I can honestly say that I haven't considered the potential of such procedures since joining Starfleet. People tend to die quickly here – none of the slow and drawn out deaths that would require the use of neuroregenerative procedures."

"But there is so much we haven't encountered yet, so how can you assume that you would never need it? And surely such treatments could be expanded if effective to take in more acute damage, such as comas caused by head injuries?"

He gave her a long direct look, one she was sure that would make other people shy away from its glare. Fortunately her exhaustion, and the heady sense that he already didn't think very much of her, made her rather immune. She returned it.

Instead of answering the question, like she had thought he would, he asked: "Is it true about your role in the _Narada_ disaster? How you flew the ship and saved those people?"

She sighed. "Admiral Pike's version is accurate Doctor. But I'm a nurse, not a hero. I was just doing my job in the worst circumstances." He said nothing, and was watching her again, with that unfathomable look. She wondered whether he understood. "With your permission doctor, I would like to get some sleep now, if there's nothing else?"

"No Nurse. You did well today, but I don't want to see you in the next twelve hours. Is that understood?"

She didn't need convincing. "Yes sir." She stood, and the nurse in her couldn't help but look him over, taking in the deep circles under his eyes and the way his hands were trembling slightly. "If I may say, Doctor McCoy, you should probably get some rest too. Before we hit the next crisis, that is."

He looked at her in surprise for a second, then gave her the first real smile she had seen. It wasn't big – a small upquirk of the lips in fact, but it was a smile all the same. The butterflies in her stomach began to do-si-do. "I'll be sure to, once Doctor Zuvolt gets here to relieve me. Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor McCoy."

She shut the door quietly behind her, and nodded to the other nurses as she headed out. It took her several paces to realise that she had no idea where her quarters were, but a kind Ensign took pity on her and took her to them, probably because she looked dead on her feet. They had brought her cases to her room, but she left them as they were, and got into the bed fully dressed.

"Computer, lights off." Was the last thing she remembered saying, or thinking, that night.


	4. Chapter 2 The Nurse McCoy

2. The Nurse – McCoy

He hadn't realised how fast he was walking until he realised Chapel had had to jog to keep up and appeared to be a little breathless. A nicer man probably would have slowed down. Well he wasn't a nicer man – he was an overworked, underappreciated doctor, and he would walk as fast as he damn well pleased.

"I knew the captain as a child." She was telling him. He frowned to himself and wondered why she was justifying herself. "Obviously I wouldn't have presumed to have said what I did-."

Good grief, did she really think he cared whether she spoke her mind or not? Hell, she could say whatever she wanted to Jim, as long as she didn't end up in his bed. "Well I'm sure it was a lovely reunion, nurse Chapel;" He interrupted; "But I really don't give a damn." She hung her head, and he felt suddenly bad, then annoyed that she had made him feel that way. She had only been here five minutes – she had no right. "What I do care about is the fact there is no staff rosta, I can never find a dermal regenerator when I need it, and most of the nurses seem to be inept. That, I take it, is what you're here for?"

"Yes doctor." Her voice was calm. There was no trace of hurt or anger. Well at least she wasn't going to be one of those sensitive ones that cried at everything he said.

"Good."

They entered his facility and he was relieved to see that it had at least remained in one piece since he had left. He could see nurses too – miracle of miracles. They must have overheard that their new commanding officer had arrived and wanted to get a look. Perhaps he might get lucky and they'd do some work now.

"There we have it, Nurse Chapel. The wonder that is sickbay." He said sarcastically. She turned to look at him and he felt his chest tighten. Damn – why the hell did she have to be pretty? He had seen her personnel file and she had looked more normal in it – not like this living breathing woman with large clear blue eyes and a soft face. He smiled ironically to himself. Jim wasn't going to be able to keep his hands off her – not when she looked like that. Just another mess he would have to clean up. Happy thought.

"There's a pile of datapads by the computer that I'm sure you find useful." He realised he should probably stop staring about now. "I'll be in my office if there's an emergency. Otherwise, have fun."

Feeling disgruntled, he left her to it and went back to the haven that was his office.

Two hundred and twenty-one psychiatric reviews later he was interrupted by a knock on the door and Nurse Chapel entered, looking calm and collected – like she had been walking in the country rather than battling a legion of unruly nurses. He felt old and tired when he looked at her. It occurred to him that he probably should have introduced her to the rest of the medical staff. Hell, he probably shouldn't have been so rude to her either.

"Nurse Chapel?"

"There's a crewman with a suspected concussion outside. You should take a look at him." She explained to him, serene and professional.

He was intrigued – the fact that she suspected concussion said that she had examined him first, and then decided to get him.

"A concussion? It's not Ensign Tsot again is it?"

"I'm not sure, doctor."

Usually he would have berated a nurse for not checking a patient's name before treating them – but he supposed it was her first day. He sighed and stood up, stretching his long-stationary muscles. "You'd better show me."

She led him out of the room and to the young man sitting on the edge of the bed.

He scowled. Typical. "Tsot! What did I tell you about sparring with a Klingon without a helmet."

"That I would probably receive permanent brain damage if I kept hitting my head so hard?" The man shot Chapel a worried look and she smiled at him reassuringly. She had a beautiful smile.

He grabbed a scanner. "No, the word I used was _definitely_, Tsot. The fact you haven't followed my warning tells me that either you're an idiot, or the damage has already began. Which is it?"

"We were taking it easy – I thought I would be ok."

There were a few query readings on his scan. He went over him again. "When have you ever met a Klingon that takes it easy? Honestly, one time, I'd understand. Two and I'd think you're unlucky, but five times Ensign? Even the Klingon must be getting bored of embarrassing you by now." He was certainly growing bored of treating him.

"Doctor…" For a second he thought Chapel was berating him for his manner, but then the woman was laying him gently back and his eyes rolled back and he began to fit.

"Damn, he really did hit his head too hard. Give me 100cc mannitol." The nurse picked up the drug without hesitation and fitted it into the hypospray. A glance told him that she had already organised the medicine cabinet. She certainly seemed efficient. His scanner blinked red, then died and he bit back several curses. He saw Campbell in the corner of his eye.

"Nurse Campbell, bring me a scanner that you've actually bothered to charge." Before this patient died because he didn't know what was wrong. He grabbed the scanner from the nurse with a glare – was he really asking too much? – and began scanning again.

"The brain hasn't herniated, but there's an increase in pressure due to the bruising." He said aloud, mostly to himself. His brainwaves were increasing. "And around he comes." The boy tried to sit up and he held him down at the shoulders. He wasn't going anywhere. "You're all right Tsot." He reassured him.

"What happened?" The man asked weakly.

"You passed out. But it's not serious." Chapel explained, gentle comfort in her voice.

He arched an eyebrow at her. How had she known it wasn't serious – or was she simply trying to reassure the patient? It was likely the latter. She had that angel-of-mercy look about her.

"I'll want to keep you for a few hours for observation, but I don't think you have any lasting brain damage. You've given it a bashing, that's all."

"I won't spar any more doctor, I promise." The boy looked dejected and Leonard felt slightly sorry for him.

"Bit late for that now, lad." He patted him on the shoulder as the comm. whistled. Typical. "McCoy here." He answered.

"Doctor, the captain would like you on the bridge." Uhura told him.

He didn't want to leave his patient – but he dreaded to think what mess the captain had got them into now. "Fine. On my way."

He turned and watched as Chapel pulled a blanket over Tsot and began to attach the neural scanner. She looked calm and self-assured, and it brought him some degree of confidence. She was sensible – she would comm. him if anything serious happened. She looked up, realised he was watching her and calmly came to meet him.

"Monitor his blood, and watch him closely for any change in consciousness or vomiting. I might have to drain some CSF if the swelling continues." He explained to her.

"Yes doctor." She nodded, looking unfazed. Finally – a nurse who knew how to nurse. He picked up a medikit – he had a bad feeling he would be needing one – as she asked: "How long will you be?"

He chuckled – the woman really didn't know anything about this ship yet. "Depends on the mess the captain's got us into this time. I'm the only sane one on that bridge, and the captain knows it. You'll hold the fort here?"

"I'll have to." She sounded slightly irritated and he glanced around the room. The other nurses were working in what seemed to be an organised way – he supposed Chapel had a hand in that – but he wouldn't trust any of them with a dermal regenerator, let alone a patient. She was all he had.

"Yes, you will." He murmured, and left for the bridge.

"What's going on?" He asked as soon as the door slid open. Good grief, they were still docked. How could they be in trouble whilst still docked?

"Ah Bones, there you are. We recently received a message from the Tellerite delegation on Earth. Apparently they've lost two of their ambassadors on Romulus and were wondering if we could help find them."

The doctor frowned. A new mission was all very well, but they were still at least 24 hours from going anywhere and he couldn't understand the sense of urgency. "I see. Isn't Romulus two days away?"

"Forty-three hours and six minutes at warp." The Vulcan corrected him. "However, we have reason to believe that the ambassadors are no longer on Romulus."

"Well then where are they?"

"Lieitenant Uhura intercepted a Romulan transmission – apparently the ambassadors managed to escape and steal a shuttle. The Romulan authorities are chasing them down – although why we don't know."

"The Romulan rules of etiquette are quite complex. Perhaps an ambassador broke one. They have quite primitive ways of dealing with law-breakers." Spock postulated, and he rolled his eyes.

"Well, when we find them we can ask them."

"And how exactly do you plan on finding them – seeing as the ship is out of action?" He asked the obvious question.

Jim grinned. "Well for once, rather than going to them, they seem to be heading straight for us!"

McCoy sighed. He should have known. "And how many Romulan ships are chasing them?"

"Sensors indicate three, although the distance is considerable and several more may be out of range." The Vulcan answered.

"I see. And what's the plan?" He didn't doubt Jim had one. It was almost undoubtedly foolhardy but probably brilliant in a way that only Kirk could be.

"Well, we're in Federation space are we not – so we should be able to grant the Ambassadors refuge."

"And what happens when their ship is destroyed before they get to Federation space?"

"Well Scotty's found a way of boosting the tractor beam so we can hurry up the process somewhat." Of course he had. Scotty and the laws of physics were acquainted but tended to keep out of each other's way.

"The Romulans may not take kindly to us harbouring their fugitive, Captain." Spock said.

"Our weapons will not be online sir." Sulu also pointed out. "And our shields will not be able to take the combined fire of three Romulan ships."

Jim smiled assuredly. "Don't worry – they're not going to fire at us. The Romulans are still embarrassed about the _Narada_ – and they're walking on tip-toes around the Federation. They don't want to trigger a war – especially one which they couldn't win. There's no way they'd fire on our vessel. You agree, don't you Spock."

"The logic is sound."

"I hope you're right Jim, because three starships suggest to me that their desire for the ambassadors may have compromised their good sense."

The captain gave him a look which he didn't find altogether reassuring.

It took thirteen hours for the vessel to limp into range for the tractor beam. He would have returned back to the sickbay and caught up on some sleep since it was clearly not going to be a quick process, but he seemed unable to move from his position as the ship grew steadily larger on the viewscreen. The waiting was always the worse part.

The vessel had sustained heavy damage from Romulan fire and was not responding to hails. Spock assured them that life signs were still present on the ship, but he grew concerned that the ambassadors were seriously injured.

"We'll have to beam them aboard Jim. If they're not injured, they soon will be, the way that the Romulans are going at them."

The captain nodded. "Agreed. How long until we can get a transporter lock on them, Mr. Spock?"

"At current rate of motion, another sixty minutes."

"How long until the Romulans catch up with them?"

"Twenty-two minutes, Sir."

"See if Scotty can do anything to boost our transporter power."

"Yes sir. It may be wise to sever our tractor beam before the Romulans are in firing range. A direct hit may be transmitted to the Enterprise."

"Understood. Let's make sure we get them off that ship."

Ten minutes later Scotty's voice was on the comm. "Sir, I've boosted transporter range with everything I've got but it's no use – our system isn't familiar enough with Tellarite physiology to lock on."

"Could you transport two humans across the distance?"

"Of course – easy peasy."

"Good. Bones and I will transport across to the shuttle and will try to boost their signal."

"Yes sir."

McCoy frowned at his friend but knew better than to protest the evils of transporter travel – it was hardly like he had a choice – not when the Tellerites might die if they didn't beam across. He followed the captain to the transporter room, and managed to keep his face impassive despite the bile rising to his throat as the captain signalled: "Energise."

He opened his eyes to destruction – life support was holding but the lights were out and the ship was lit by fires, their smoke almost overwhelming him.

"Give me a hand Bones." Jim shouted, and he grabbed an extinguisher from the wall and began to join him in putting the fires out.

"Where are they?" He shouted, when he had managed to catch his breath.

"We're in the hull. I assume they were flying this thing. Come on."

He led him down a narrow passage and into the cockpit. Both beings were slumped unconscious against their consoles. He scanned them as Jim continued to tackle the fires.

"How are they?"

He frowned. It had been a long time since he had worked on a Tellerite, and he was struggling to remember their physiology, especially under such conditions. "Not too serious, as far as I can tell. They're even more susceptible to smoke inhalation than humans. See if you can boost the oxygen on the environmental controls."

He began pressing buttons and McCoy attempted to boost their haemoglobin count. The ship was hit by a blast that threw him from his feet.

"Damn Romulans." He picked himself up as the computer told them that the shields had just failed.

"Kirk to Enterprise. We have the Tellerites but the shields have failed. Hail the Romulans tell them there's Starfleet officers aboard."

"Understood captain. Standby."

An unhappy picture filled the viewscreen – the Romulan ships were closing on them fast, despite the tractor beam.

"It's going to be tight, Jim." He muttered as the Tellerites began to show signs of consciousness.

"I know Bones, I know." The captain was tense. McCoy knew he would have been pacing had he the space. The doctor kept his mind on his patients and tried not to think of their impending doom.

The communicator whistled. "Kirk here."

"Captain, the Romulans are not acknowledging out hails." He scowled. As predicted, Romulans revenge outweighed their good sense.

"Understood. Beam us off this ship."

"Yes sir."

They waited several breathless seconds but remained aboard the shuttle.

"Kirk to the Enterprise. What's the hold up?"

"Scott, sir. The transporters have shorted – we've been putting a lot of extra power through them."

"Well I suggest you fix it promptly, else you'll be retrieving our bodies."

"Captain, they're charging weapons." Spock's voice interjected.

"Scotty, get us off this ship." Kirk shouted.

The comm. went dead and they looked at each other.

McCoy couldn't help but chuckle. "Well Jim, you sure got us into this one. In all the ways I thought I'd die, whilst still docked wasn't high on my list."

"We shouldn't have beamed over here, should we?" The captain looked rueful.

"We had no choice – not if we wanted to save them." He answered truthfully.

"And they'll survive?"

"If we do."

Jim grinned at him, the spark back in his eyes. "Well, we'd damn well better then." He flipped open the communicator as they saw the photon torpedo – a dot of red light – fly towards them. "Enterprise, I suggest you ENERGISE."

He grabbed the Tellerites. The dot grew larger and larger on the screen – there was a flash of light – then he opened his eyes and he was on the transporter pad. He was very proud his knees didn't give way.

The Tellerites were in a heap on the floor. Jim caught his eye and grinned. Trust him to feel exhilarated by such events.

"I suppose you should go play doctor, Bones. You owe me some healthy Tellerite ambassadors."

"I suppose you should go play captain, Jim. I imagine there's some unhappy Romulan ships that fancy taking a piece out of us."

The captain laughed, slapped him on the back, then all but ran to the bridge. He suddenly felt very old.

The security team helped him get the Tellerites onto stretchers and they carried them to the sickbay – which was some feat since the beings weighed about the same as baby elephants.

Nurse Chapel was still there when they entered. She raised her eyebrows when she saw what accompanied him but asked no questions. She calmly instructed the personnel on how to lift the ambassadors on the beds, then set about giving orders to nurses and preparing examination tools for him. After his experience on the ship, he found her professionalism was relaxing and he worked on the Tellerites with a clear mind as she wordlessly assisted. As much as he tried to ignore it, he had to admit she was a damned good nurse, perceptively handing him the tools he needed, keeping the other nurses busy and seeing to the bruised security staff with a gentle smile.

Jim came in a few hours later boasting three broken fingers and looking worse for wear.

"Let me guess, you tried to pick a fight with a Romulan captain?" He frowned as he straightened and mended the phalanges.

"He started it. Why invite me onto his ship and then not be willing to negotiate?"

He rolled his eyes. "You hit him because he wasn't willing to negotiate?"

"No, I hit him because he was rude to Spock. And Uhura. Who could be rude to Uhura?"

McCoy refrained from reminding him that he was on a regular basis. "Well, the Federation are sure going to think twice before sending you on diplomatic missions."

Jim grinned. "Not at all. We still have the Tellerites and the Romulans are gone. I think that's a success don't you?"

"What did you threaten them with?" Jim gave him a look. "Actually don't tell me, I don't want to know."

"That's probably sensible. Now where's Chapel?"

"Watching over the Tellerites. Why?"

"Because I'm willing to bet her touch is far gentler than yours."

He imagined that was true, but was not going to risk testing that theory for the captain's amusement. "My touch is the best that you're going to get. I thought she told you to leave off her?"

"Well she says one thing…"

"Let her alone Jim."

"We have history you know?"

"She said." He said dryly. "Now go and get some sleep so you can get us into another ridiculous situation tomorrow."

"Admit it Bones, your life would be dull without me."

"Dull perhaps, but I'd be far more likely to live to a ripe old age."

"Now there's a terrifying thought." He yawned. "All right, I'm off." He sauntered out, winking at Nurse Kier who giggled.

McCoy walked to his office through the now quiet sickbay. Damn he was tired. It occurred to him that Nurse Chapel was still there and should be dismissed. He leant against his doorframe to hold himself up and watched as she discussed something serious with one of the nurses. There was no denying it, she really was beautiful, even with the dark circles that bruised her eyes. He realised that she must have worked a double shift, and that she would have been on a flight before that. He looked more closely and noticed the way she was leaning against the wall, how pale she was, how her hands were trembling. He was familiar with those signs. Damn, the woman was going to work herself to death on her first day.

She looked up at him and frankly met his eyes and he realised that he had been staring again. He was going to have to watch himself in the future – it would look bad if her senior officer was forever gaping at her. Obviously he was tired - he wasn't usually swayed by a pretty face.

"Come in, Nurse Chapel." He ordered, noting her frown as he entered his office. He indicated her to the chair opposite him and took his own but it seemed too formal. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked her. After today, he certainly did.

She shook her head. "No. Thankyou." He wasn't particularly surprised. By the look of it she was the sort of woman who rarely let her hair down.

He poured himself a Ferengi rum and met her eyes. She didn't look pleased to be there. He supposed he probably hadn't made a particularly good first impression. Now he knew the sort of nurse she was he realised that had probably been a mistake. He could use a person like her on his side. Well, it was too late now. He would just keep her there long enough to check she was all right. He could hardly have her collapsing on the way to her quarters, after all.

"How did you know that Tsot was about to fit, Nurse?" He asked her. That had intrigued him – there had been no warning readings on his scanner.

"I could see it in his face sir."

"See it in his face? An instinct?" He'd never met a nurse with that good instincts before.

She shrugged, unwilling to commit. ""Some call it instinct. I like to think I simply have enough experience that I'm able to recognise the signs quicker."

That was a good answer – which suggested she had been asked the question before. He wondered what her last CMO had thought of that ability. He would have to look up who it was and see if that explained her reserved behaviour.

"I see. Well you did well." She was unmoved by his praise. "You sent him home?"

"Yes. His intracranial pressure dropped, he had no more bouts of unconsciousness and his bloods were all normal. I gave him a hypospray for the headache."

She knew her protocols too. Interesting. "Good." He noticed she was frowning at him, as if she was trying to work him out. Then she suddenly smiled and slumped forwards.

"Damn." He pulled the scanner off his desk and placed a hand on her forehead. "And that was what I thought was going to happen." She was hot to the touch, and her blood sugar was way below baseline. He gave her a shot of adrenaline and she came to quickly, pulling herself back to sitting quickly and staring at her hands. He smiled at her face – she looked mortified. He would have put an arm around her if it wouldn't have been deemed unprofessional. Instead he turned and gave her time to collect herself.

"I'm fine." He voice was calm but weak as he packed the scanner away. It was a lie of course – he was a doctor and knew full well that she wasn't fine.

"When was the last time you ate, Nurse Chapel?"

"A long time ago sir." At least she told the truth.

He pulled an apple out of the bottom drawer. He usually kept them from Jim – he had a habit of eating apples when they drank together in his office. He threw it across to her.

"Eat it."

"It's ok, doctor. I was just going to my quarters now anyway – I'll get something then."

Damn – why was she arguing with him? "Nurse, you're not leaving this office until you've eaten it, so less arguing and more eating."

She met his gaze squarely, and for a moment he thought she was going to protest again, but then she bit into it. He frowned at her – unsure whether he was disappointed that she had given in so easily. But that was ridiculous of course.

"Is the sickbay usually like that?" She asked him.

"You mean the madness?"

"I mean the lull and then the storm. I thought that we were still docked for repairs – so why did Tellarite diplomats end up on the ship? And how?" Her voice was getting stronger and her blue eyes were becoming more focused.

He wondered whether he should tell her of the events of the day. He realised that he wanted to – that was strange in itself. However he decided against it. She had had enough for one day.

He sighed. "Best not to ask questions when Jim Kirk is the captain. He's brilliant, but the man could attract trouble in the great void."

"I see."

"You probably don't, but you will." He watched her eat the apple and tried not to focus on her mouth. The circles under her eyes disturbed him somewhat and he realised that he was feeling responsible for her exhaustion. Well that was idiotic – he hadn't asked her to stay longer. Nurse Simkins would have left him to it, irrelevant of the situation. "You didn't have to stay beyond your shift, Nurse."

She frowned at him as if he had said something offensive. She certainly was not Nurse Simkins. "There was work to be done, and none of the other nurses seemed to have the experience to work on Tellarites without supervision." He had to admit she was right, and he couldn't deny the helpfulness of her presence, as much as he wanted to. "Besides, you're still here are you not?"

"I'm the head doctor on the Enterprise. I'm never off duty."

She nodded in response – as if she understood what that met. The sat and considered one another for a moment. He had a very bad feeling that he was swimming out of his depth – those blue eyes made him want to trust her and he had only known her for a few hours. He was not the sort of man who trusted easily, and he wondered if she was completely human – perhaps she had some Betazoid ancestry? That sort of information wouldn't be in her file. He would have to find some excuse to scan her again.

"I read your paper on neuroregeneration." The woman said, and he idly wondered whether she was trying to impress him with her familiarity of his work.

"That was a long time ago, nurse."

"Have your views on it developmental potential changed?" Good grief, this woman really did not know how to relax. Did she really want to talk about this now?

"No. In fact, I can honestly say that I haven't considered the potential of such procedures since joining Starfleet. People tend to die quickly here – none of the slow and drawn out deaths that would require the use of neuroregenerative procedures."

"But there is so much we haven't encountered yet, so how can you assume that you would never need it? And surely such treatments could be expanded if effective to take in more acute damage, such as comas caused by head injuries?"

Damn. He really didn't want to have this conversation now. He had enough criticism hanging over his past research without added to it. However, she was looking at him so directly that instead of saying this he found he asked the one question that had been playing on his mind about her.

"Is it true about your role in the _Narada_ disaster? How you flew the ship and saved those people?"

The woman sighed, and a look of pain passed across her face that made him instantly regret asking. "Admiral Pike's version is accurate Doctor. But I'm a nurse, not a hero. I was just doing my job in the worst circumstances." He understood her response, and admired her for it. So she had turned down the medal. Fascinating. "With your permission doctor, I would like to get some sleep now, if there's nothing else?"

He found he wanted to continue speaking to her, to work out more of her personality, to decide whether the inkling he had about whether she was still suffering from the effects of the disaster were anything more than that; but she needed to sleep. "No Nurse. You did well today, but I don't want to see you in the next twelve hours. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir." She stood, and he realised that she was looking him over.

"If I may say, Doctor McCoy, you should probably get some rest too. Before we hit the next crisis, that is."

It had been a long time since any one had looked out for him like that. He found himself smiling at her. "I'll be sure to, once Doctor Zuvolt gets here to relieve me. Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

She returned his smile with her gentle one, and something in him tightened. "Goodnight Doctor McCoy."

She shut the door quietly and he put his head in his hands. Damn. This wasn't good.


	5. Chapter 3 The Sickbay Incident Christine

_Thanks for all of your comments – and for everyone who keeps reading. I'll try to put the chapters up in pairs for anyone who wants to read just one character's POV. This is an action packed chapter – and one where you get to see our main character's personalities more fully. Don't judge McCoy too harshly based on this – we all know he has to release his frustration somehow – and at the end of the day, he is a brilliant doctor._

3. The Sickbay Incident - Christine

Christine awoke nine hours later feeling better than she had in a long time. Her exhaustion had managed to keep the nightmares at bay for a night, and a familiar rumble underfoot assured her that they were at warp. She had been born on a starship, and her first seven years of life had been spent on one. She found the sound oddly comforting as she showered and dressed. She smoothed her hair into neatness, and began to unpack. It didn't take long – she had lost most of her belongings during _Narada_, and had no home so to speak of on Earth. Once she had stowed her bags, she ate her breakfast and began to compile a new roster chart for her staff, and then a list of objectives for the day. She followed it but messaging the entire medical staff to attend a meeting the following day. She felt good. She would have order from the chaos.

Later she blessed her earlier good mood, because had she not had it, she may have murdered her CMO.

She arrived at the sickbay an hour earlier than expected with several aims in her mind. All was quiet and she greeted the night staff and reviewed and discharged the two ambassadors. She heard voices in McCoy's office – did that man never sleep? – and took up her station by the entrance.

A few minutes later, the Captain exited the doctor's office laughing, sleeves rolled back. He took in the duty-nurses with a broadening grin and made his way over to them without hesitation.

"Ah ladies, you are looking particularly beautiful this morning. Nurse Temple have you changed your hair-?" He caught sight of her sitting at her desk and barely paused. "And what a vital role you play in the running of our ship. I wouldn't know how we would cope without your faithful duties."

He grinned at her as the nurses tittered, then made his way over, perching on the edge of her desk.

"Well you seem to have settled in quickly, Nurse Chapel. I barely recognise the place." She heard a snort and looked back to see the doctor standing at his door, arms behind his back. "Don't stand like that Bones, you look like Spock." He added idly without looking around.

"Don't you have some captaining to do somewhere Captain?" McCoy said harshly, crossing his arms across his chest instead.

"Naturally, but I wanted to have a little chat with our head nurse, if that's all right with you."

The doctor snorted again. "Since when do I get a choice in the matter? Just don't hold her up, I'm sure she has plenty of things to be doing."

"Really Bones, she's been here less than a week and you're already working her to death. You really should learn how to treat your staff better. Watch what I do, for example, or better yet watch Nurse Chapel. I'm sure she will give you some pointers, if you ask her nicely."

"The only pointer I need, Jim, is how to keep you out of my sickbay." The man slammed his door with a resounding thud.

"Now, I suppose I've hurt his feelings."

Christine gave him a long look. "Did you really want to talk to me, Captain, or were you trying to wind up Doctor McCoy?"

"The latter, probably. He really is rather hilarious when he's angry."

"Perhaps for you."

Kirk laughed. "Yes, I suppose he does take it out on the nurses. I should apologise for that. Probably for the fact that I'm taking him on the away mission tomorrow too. No one hates an away mission more than Bones." He leaned over conspiratorially. "I'm leaving that one as a surprise for him."

Christine could help but smile, despite herself.

"I do have something to talk to you about, now I think about it. Senior staff dinner is on Wednesday night and I fully expect you to be there. I asked Bones to tell you about it, but he'll be hopeless at getting himself there, let alone anyone else. Make sure you don't forget – the dinners are always entertaining."

"Yes Sir."

"Now I'd better go and do some captaining so that we get those ambassadors home. Have a nice day."

"You too sir." She watched him stride out, and glanced at the shut door of the doctor, feeling a sense of premonition. She didn't have long to dwell on it though, as the nurses came in for the handover and she set the outlines for the day's work.

Three hours later she was running a training simulation with two of the nurses, when the doctor strode out of his office, clearly looking for her.

"Nurse Chapel." He all but shouted for her across the room. The feeling of premonition returned, and she excused herself from her colleagues.

"Yes sir?"

He looked angry. That seemed to be the fixed expression for him today it would seem.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you doctor?"

"Don't play dumb with me woman. About the new StarFleet regulations on physical exams. Physicals do come under your remit do they not?"

"Yes doctor."

"Then why haven't you started them yet? Good grief, do I have to do everything myself?"

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. "Doctor McCoy, I haven't been on the ship long enough to look over the personnel files. I believe it was on my agenda today."

"Well what have you been doing? I don't see any patients, do you?"

She looked at him, and focused on staying calm. Nobody seriously got worried about personnel physicals on their new nurse's second day. She took a deep breath. "Doctor, is there something else bothering you that you would like to talk about?"

"No, nurse, your incompetence is enough for me to focus on right now." She could see the other nurses staring at them. It would seem he was determined to make a scene. She wondered whether it was outbursts like this that had made the other nurses cry. She found she didn't really blame them.

"Perhaps we should continue this in your office, Doctor." She suggested.

"Why would we do that?"

She felt her temper rising. "So that we can address this rationally."

"Rationally? Damn you, I am perfectly rational. I just want someone to show the slightest bit of common sense once in a while. I mean I've learnt that the other nurses are incompetent, but I thought you might be better."

That did it. She would not allow him to show such behaviour in front of her staff. "Doctor McCoy, the other nurses act as well as their training, and I believe that for most of them this is their first starship placement. If you have had such I problem with their abilities, perhaps I should ask why you didn't see fit to act pro-actively rather than to complain about it in a way that helps no one. You are, after all, the CMO."

He was lost for words for a moment. His following words lost some of their volume, but none of their bite. "That may be so, but training of the nurses comes under your remit, not mine – or do you fancy adding that to my workload? Feel free, the rest of this ship doesn't seem to have a problem."

Christine had never wanted to slap someone so much in her life. She was saved from making occupational suicide when the comm. beeped.

"McCoy." He was still scowling at her. She met his eyes calmly – she had never been so proud of herself in her life.

"Doctor, the captain requests your presence on the bridge." The woman's voice said.

"Damn him." The doctor strode out of the sickbay without a word, and silence reigned as the door slid shut.

She took a moment to collect herself, then turned to the nurses who were watching her with varying expressions.

"There is nothing to see. Nurse Hylara, rebandage that arm – I want to see it perfect when I return in ten minutes. Nurse Ffoyd, contact the other Doctors please. StarFleet regulation states that there must always be a Doctor in the sickbay, and we always work by regulation."

"Yes, Nurse Chapel."

When activity had resumed she left the main bay and locked herself in the toilet. Her hands shook from anger but she got a hold of herself. Then, for the next five minutes she practised saying: 'Yes, Doctor McCoy;" In front of the mirror until she could say it without a hint of inflection in her voice. She would not let this man make her lose her professionalism.

The next few hours occurred without incident, largely because the doctor never returned. The other two doctors turned up relatively promptly, although in different states of repair. Doctor Zuvolt was a young man who had only recently finished medical school. She could tell he looked upon McCoy with some sort of obsessive reverence that made her want to roll her eyes, but he was kind, if a little unsure, to the nurses, and listened to her properly. Doctor Seams was an elderly man that she was sure would have been retired had there not been desperate need for doctors. He turned up half-asleep and muttering to himself, then promptly fell back to sleep in the corner of the bay, occasionally waking up and shouting something before falling back to sleep. However, the nurses all seemed fond of him, and she was glad to see Nurse Campbell cover the man with a blanket.

She had began to send out memos for physicals, starting with the senior staff, when there was a shout for help, and two men entered the bay, one half-carrying the other.

"Put him on the bay over there please." She ordered, springing to life as Doctor Zuvolt looked at the scene with barely conceal horror. "What happened?"

"His console overloaded." The healthier man explained, as the sick man groaned. She noticed that he too had burns over his hands.

"It hit my console." The man was muttering wildly.

"His name?"

"Ensign Ross."

"And yours?"

"Sulu, ma'am."

She began to scan him. "They're worse then they look – mostly second degree. Nurse Campbell, cut his clothes off please, Nurse Simkins, get the doctor a dermal regenerator, and cool presses."

"Nurse Chapel, I don't know-;" The young doctor began, but was saved from finishing by the return of his senior.

The earlier incident seemed long forgotten by McCoy. He barely looked at her as he took the scanner and began again.

"Ensign Ross, Sir. Twenty percent second degree burns. Kidney function seems fine." She handed over to him.

"Well let's give him some fluids just to make sure. Cut his clothes off, Nurse Chapel."

"Nurse Simkins, a bag of colloid please." She began to cut off the clothes, as McCoy gave the man a hypospray for the pain. "Nurse Campbell, wrap Commander Sulu's hands in cold presses, and get him something for the pain. I will be over in a moment." She ordered, and the young nurse led the man away. She gave Doctor Zuvolt a look, and he followed the nurse meekly.

She handed McCoy a dermal regenerator – ensuring quickly it was fully charged – and watched his hands calmly sweep up and down, as the man groaned.

"Easy lad, it'll stop hurting in a moment. How did it happen?"

"That cloud shot some sort of weapon at my console, and it blew up." The man groaned.

"Cloud?" She frowned.

"A non-corporeal life-form that seems to have taken a liking to our ship. I believe the Captain and Commander Spock are attempting to negotiate with it now." Sulu explained from the bay across from them.

"Should prove interesting, since as far as I can see, it has no mouth." The Doctor muttered.

She stared at him.

"All hands, this is the captain. A new lifeform is currently roaming the corridors of the ship. For your protection, all staff will remain out of the corridors until further notice. If you are as unfortunate as to meet it – it is large, pink and resembles a cloud - do not shoot it. Phasers have no effect. Kirk out."

McCoy rolled his eyes, but continued scanning.

"And there was me thinking you were all joking." She said.

He gave her that half-smile. "Not on this ship."

A few seconds later the door opened and the captain, Spock, and three security staff ran in, sweating and breathless (except for Commander Spock).

Kirk looked around wildly, then grabbed a scanner, muttering to himself.

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?" McCoy was frowning at the men suspiciously.

"Just a bit of light exercise." Kirk grinned as Spock commented: "It would probably be best if we all moved away from the door."

"I thought you had it trapped on deck twelve?"

"It seems to have a laser ability we did not anticipate, and the shields were useless." The Vulcan answered.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Looking for weapons." The captain answered, surveying the room with keen eyes. "You haven't got anything special hidden away, have you?"

"This is a sickbay, Jim. It's known for its heavy weaponry. Why didn't you go to engineering?"

"Now Bones, I would hate for you to miss out -I know how much you enjoy first contacts."

"And unfortunately the cloud pushed us towards this area." Spock added.

"Wait – the cloud is following you, and you came in _here_?"

"The sick bay holds the most promising source of weapons on this deck. It seemed logical that-."

"Logical? Are you insane? I have patients in here. I'll give you logical you…"

He was interrupted as lasers started to pierce the door.

"Looks like it's found us." The captain had pushed the other nurses back into the corner, and she felt the doctor's hand on her arm. "Anyone have any bright ideas on how to incapacitate a lifeform without a body?"

"Perhaps we should attempt to communicate with it again, Captain. There perhaps is another way we have yet to try." Spock suggested.

Kirk frowned at him. "I don't think it thinks much of talking. That was when it got the lasers out, was it not? We need something better than that. Quickly."

The Ensign they were treating had started to hyperventilate. McCoy rolled his eyes, and promptly sedated him.

"There's no use trying to fight a gas." The doctor said. "What we need is somewhere to contain it. Will it fit into any of the oxygen tanks?"

Spock glanced at them. "Negative. It has an area of approximately fifty by fifty cubits and its weapons would penetrate its walls."

"The decontamination chamber?" He suggested again.

"It'll break out won't it?" The captain frowned.

The Vulcan shook his head. "It may not have time to. I believe that the decontamination chamber forms a vacuum, removing debris into space, does it not?"

"Yes." He replied.

"So if we get it in there, we can remove it from the ship, then get the hell out of here." Kirk summarised.

"Only one problem Jim." The doctor frowned at him. "We actually have to get it in there."

"Spock and I will draw it into the chamber, then once we're out you can switch on the vacuum."

The expression on the doctor's face said everything that he thought of this idea, but he had no time to point out further flaws as the door shattered and the gas floated in.

It was a surreal enough moment that Christine would have laughed – a large pink twinkling cloud of gas looked about as threatening as a puppy – but it began firing lasers indiscriminately and the doctor pulled her and the now unconscious crewman onto the floor as tables fell and glass shattered around them.

Spock and Kirk were firing onto the lifeform, trying to draw its attention onto them, but it seemed distracted by the screams of several of the nurses. Christine crawled over to them, ignoring the protestations of the doctor, and ordered them, forcibly, to be quiet unless they all wanted to be killed. That seemed to work, and their mouths snapped shut, although Nurse Ffoyd continued to weep into her shoulder. Sulu, ignoring the burns on his hands, joined them, and helped to screen them from flying debris but turning a table in front of them.

The gas was almost at the decontamination chamber and Spock opened the doors so that Jim could enter, still firing and dodging the lasers with seamless ease. McCoy had got to the panel, and had begun to activate the chamber, overriding the codes so that the vacuum would immediately be activated.

"Jim!" He shouted through the glass. "You need to be on the door side when the separator comes up, or you'll feel the effects of the vacuum with no spacesuit."

The captain, who was now cornered by the gas and fighting to avoid its full attention, groaned, and attempted to get past with little avail.

The countdown sequence began and the door sealed shut. Kirk finally managed to jump past the gas and onto the right side, only to find the gas following him.

"Any bright ideas on how to keep it on the other side would be greatly appreciated in the next thirty seconds." He shouted.

Christine had a sudden idea, and ran to the doctor and Commander Spock.

"Switch the gravity field onto the left." She told them.

McCoy was looking at her like she had gone suddenly mad, but Spock was nodding. "Yes, the captain will be pulled down, but the gas will be unaffected."

"It will need to be at the last second, or it will follow." She reminded him.

"Twenty seconds – do it – do it!" The Doctor shouted, and Spock immediately took over the panel, fingers working at lightning speed to put in protocols she had never even seen before.

"You need to draw it back to the other side Captain." She shouted through the glass. "Then get down on the floor." The man found time to grin at her as he battled the gas around again, using a tray as a shield.

"Hold on Jim." The doctor murmured as the captain was slightly too slow on dodging a laser which singed his arm. With five seconds to go she noticed that McCoy's hand was crushing her shoulder. The captain fell to the floor as the counter sounded three and the Vulcan reverse the gravity field. He slid under the cloud and smacked into the left wall of the chamber. The partition came up before the gas could move, the vacuum activated, and in a second it was sucked out into space.

Everyone stood in silence for a second, then the door opened, and Kirk stumbled out chuckling to himself. McCoy pulled the man's arm over his shoulder, muttering about insanity.

"Good work everyone. No Bones, I can't lie down, we need to move this ship. Spock, nice work with those fields."

"Thank you sir, but it was Nurse Chapel's idea."

"Is that so?" The captain was looking her up and down in an appraising sort of way. She wished he would stop staring at her legs. "Well nice work Chapel. Now Spock, if you wouldn't mind contacting the bridge…?"

"Of course Sir." He went to the comm. "Ensign Cherkov, please plot in our previous course. I will join you momentarily."

"Yes Sir." The Russian's voice squeaked over the comm.

The Doctor was collecting a fallen dermal regenerator as Kirk began walking out of the room after the Vulcan.

"Oh no you don't Jim. You need medical attention."

"I'm fine Bones. Stop your coddling."

"JIM." His voice took on a threatening note, similar to the one he had used on her when forcing her to eat the apple.

"All right, do what you have to do, but do it as we walk. I _am_ going back to my bridge." He limped out of the room and Bones glared at his back in an infuriated sort of way as he followed.

"Nurse Chapel?" The doctor stopped at the door, glancing at the damage, then finding her eyes with an apologetic look.

"I'll hold the fort, Doctor McCoy." She assured him. He smiled at her briefly, and then jogged after the captain.

She surveyed the mess, Ensign Ross unconscious on the floor, Nurse Hylara leading Lieutenant Sulu to a bed, and Doctor Seams still blissfully sleeping in the corner. With a sigh she rolled up her sleeves.


	6. Chapter 3 The Sickbay Incident McCoy

_Thanks for all of your comments – and for everyone who keeps reading. I'll try to put the chapters up in pairs for anyone who wants to read just one character's POV. This is an action packed chapter – and one where you get to see our main character's personalities more fully. Don't judge McCoy too harshly based on this – we all know he has to release his frustration somehow – and at the end of the day, he is a brilliant doctor._

3. The Sickbay Incident – McCoy

"You know, I'm sure I've assigned you quarters." A voice cut through McCoy's dreams. "If you didn't like them, you could have just said."

He opened his eyes blearily. "Damn it Jim, you could have knocked."

The man was sitting in the chair opposite him, feet up on his desk. "I did – you didn't answer."

He sat up and his neck screamed. He rubbed it absently. He was going to have to stop falling asleep at his desk.

"What do you want?"

"I came to check on the Tellerites."

"They're fine – they can be discharged this morning."

"Good – I'll have Rand find them quarters."

The captain was still looking at him. "Anything else?"

"You're working too hard, Bones."

"We're all working hard."

"Yes, but most of us make it back to our quarters at night."

"Or to someone's quarters, at least."

The captain laughed. "All right Bones, you're always a bundle of laughs in the morning. I'm just trying to be your friend."

"Well how about you show it by keeping us out of danger for a day or so?"

"I'll do my best. We're only taking the Tellerites home – that should be pretty straightforward."

He snorted – the years as Jim's friend had proved to him that the man was incapable of doing anything simply.

"How's Christine getting on?"

McCoy remembered the events of a few hours ago. "Attempting to work herself to death."

"So you like her then?"

He didn't ask why the man had jumped to that conclusion. "She'll do."

Jim laughed. "High praise indeed. All right Bones, I'll leave you to it. I've got captaining to do. Come and get a drink with me tonight."

"Fine – but I refuse to play poker."

"You're such a sore loser." They both knew it was the other way around.

He got to his feet and bounded out, and the doctor slowly got to his own and stretched. He attempted to ignore the pile of PADDs sitting in the corner. They could wait for a while. Besides, he needed to discharge the Tellerites.

Jim was sitting on Nurse Chapel's desk, leaning into her. "Well you seem to have settled in quickly, Nurse Chapel. I barely recognise the place." He snorted. The man was about as subtle as a brick. He certainly hoped that Chapel could see through that. "Don't stand like that Bones, you look like Spock." The captain continued without looking around. Damn it – how had he known?

"Don't you have some captaining to do somewhere Captain?" He crossed his arms across his chest without meaning to, and noticed that the Tellerites had already been discharged.

"Naturally, but I wanted to have a little chat with our head nurse, if that's all right with you."

"Since when do I get a choice in the matter?" Good grief – what would it take for him to leave her alone? He suddenly wondered what their history was exactly. He also wondered why the hell it would matter to him. "Just don't hold her up, I'm sure she has plenty of things to be doing."

"Really Bones, she's been here less than a week and you're already working her to death. You really should learn how to treat your staff better. Watch what I do, for example, or better yet watch Nurse Chapel. I'm sure she will give you some pointers, if you ask her nicely."

The man was insufferable. Was he trying to humiliate him? He already had enough problems. "The only pointer I need, Jim, is how to keep you out of my sickbay." He went back into his office and slammed the door. The PADDs toppled over and he tried without success to not imagine the look of shock on Chapel's face. Damn, damn, damn.

He spent the next few hours trying to focus on reports without much success. He felt his irritation growing, compounded by sleeplessness and something else he didn't care to identify. When he got the message from Starfleet, asking why they were three weeks late submitting physical reports – something that they had changed without notifying him – something in him snapped.

He was on his feet and out of his office before his common sense could catch up. "Nurse Chapel." He all but shouted for her across the room. The woman left what she was doing and came to meet him.

"Yes sir?"

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you doctor?" The innocence on her face was an added incendiary.

"Don't play dumb with me woman. About the new StarFleet regulations on physical exams. Physicals do come under your remit do they not?"

"Yes doctor."

"Then why haven't you started them yet? Good grief, do I have to do everything myself?" A small voice told him he was being unreasonable, and that he was going to regret this later. He stamped on it – taking his anger out on her was beginning to make him feel better.

"Doctor McCoy, I haven't been on the ship long enough to look over the personnel files. I believe it was on my agenda today." She replied calmly.

"Well what have you been doing? I don't see any patients, do you?"

She gave him a level look. Damn, the woman could be a psychiatrist. "Doctor, is there something else bothering you that you would like to talk about?"

"No, nurse, your incompetence is enough for me to focus on right now."

"Perhaps we should continue this in your office, Doctor." She suggested.

"Why would we do that?"

"So that we can address this rationally." There was an edge to her voice. So she was going to fight back, was she?

"Rationally? Damn you, I am perfectly rational. I just want someone to show the slightest bit of common sense once in a while. I mean I've learnt that the other nurses are incompetent, but I thought you might be better."

Her eyes became steely. "Doctor McCoy, the other nurses act as well as their training, and I believe that for most of them this is their first starship placement. If you have had such I problem with their abilities, perhaps I should ask why you didn't see fit to act pro-actively rather than to complain about it in a way that helps no one. You are, after all, the CMO."

That silenced him for a moment. She had a point. And her eyes were beautiful when she was angry. Damn it. "That may be so, but training of the nurses comes under your remit, not mine – or do you fancy adding that to my workload? Feel free, the rest of this ship doesn't seem to have a problem."

Her face tensed and for a second he thought he had gone too far, but he was saved from finding out when the comm. beeped.

"McCoy." He continued to watch her, but she seemed to have regained control on herself and was watching him impassively.

"Doctor, the captain requests your presence on the bridge." Uhura told him.

"Damn him." A small voice told him that he'd had a lucky save – before he damaged his relationship with his new head nurse permanently. He left the sickbay without a backward glance.

"What _is_ that?" He asked as soon as he got onto the bridge. The reason for his presence was unmistakeable – a large pink cloud was on the viewscreen in front of him.

"We are unsure, Doctor, but it has been following us for the last hour." Spock informed him.

"Following us? It's sentient?"

"It would appear so. However all attempts at communication have proved futile."

His irritation evaporated. "Extraordinary."

Jim gave him a look of amusement. "Ever come across anything like it before?"

"Never. What does it want?"

"It appears to be attracted to our energy trail." The Vulcan said. "It may be a simple parasite. It is likely that such beings are usually found around developing suns – its appearance would provide apt camouflage within nebulae.

"Well we can't have it following us forever." Kirk said. "If you're right, then this thing will want to find a better energy source. How close are we to a nice star?"

"P418 is under an hour, Sir." Cherkov told them.

"Very good. Mr Sulu, plot a course. Uhuru, let our science team know what we're dealing with. I'm sure they'll find it equally fascinating."

"Yes Sir."

"Captain, the being appears to be moving closer."

"Pick up speed. Are we maintaining distance?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Bones, why don't you go and work with the science team. I'm sure that they will appreciate your input."

McCoy doubted it. He and Spock seemed like the best of friends compared with some of the relationships he had with the scientists. The biology team still held a grudge because he refused to give ethical consent for some of their research, and the geology team resented him because he'd confiscated some of their specimens after finding they carried a virus. However, he made his way down anyway because, if he were honest, he was excited. Non-corporeal life-forms – this was a rare opportunity to study something amazing.

He spent the next two hours with the science team, their combined enthusiasm overpowering any old resentment. The being was fully gaseous, but had a core of more dense elements that Doctor Y'hana suggested may be a brain.

"Doctor McCoy." One of the young research scientists shouted over to him as he ran a spectrum analysis. "Part of the being has broken away."

"Broken away?"

"Yes sir. It's heading towards us like… like a probe."

He went to the comm. "McCoy to the bridge."

"We've just seen it too, Doctor." Kirk told him. "Get back up here."

He made it back to the bridge just as Cherkov told them it was on a collision course.

"Shields up." Jim ordered. He went to stand behind him.

"Captain, the being appears to be able to penetrate our shields." Spock said.

"How is that possible?"

"I am unsure. Perhaps it is more advanced than we initially thought."

"Any signs of an attack to the ship?"

"No sir."

"Well then what is it doing?"

"It's trying to gain entry to the ship." He guessed. If it was a probe, as the scientist had suggested, it would not penetrate the shields unless it wanted a closer look.

"The doctor's theory is logical." He rolled his eyes. He hated how the Vulcan seemed to think that no human was capable of logic.

"Can it get in?" Kirk asked.

"There are approximately three hundred places where a gaseous lifeform may gain entry onto this ship."

"Well, there's nothing to say that the lifeform is hostile." At least not yet. "Full stop, Sulu. Perhaps if we reduce our energy signature, the being will lose interest."

"Yes Sir."

They waited for several minutes.

"Sir, the larger being is moving off. However, the smaller part has remained with the ship."

"Where is it?"

"It is currently moving towards the conduit system on deck twelve. I surmise it will attempt to gain entry there."

"Fine. Evacuate deck twelve. Spock, Sulu, you're with me. Galloway, get a security team together and join us. Cherkov, shield deck twelve from the rest of the ship." He patted him on the shoulder. "Keep an eye on things, Bones."

He doubted very much he would be good for anything here, but he remained on the bridge as the others left, and exchanged a dubious look with Uhura.

Several uneventful minutes passed, and he was just beginning to relax when the captain communicated to say that they had two casualties on the way to sickbay. He sighed. It took a certain type of people to manage to injure themselves on a gas. Perhaps they had inadvertently breathed it in. He was therefore surprised when he saw that his patients appeared to have burns.

He took the scanner from the shaking hand of Doctor Zuvolt – the man really was hopeless – and looked over his patient.

"Ensign Ross, Sir. Twenty percent second degree burns. Kidney function seems fine." Nurse Chapel's calm voice told him. He was suddenly grateful for small mercies – like the fact she didn't hold a grudge.

"Well let's give him some fluids just to make sure. Cut his clothes off, Nurse Chapel." He told her.

She went to obey with well-practised hands, barking out orders to the other nurses who were quick to obey. He hyposprayed the man, she promptly handed him a dermal regenerator and he began to treat the worst of the burns as she monitored his stats. The boy groaned.

"Easy lad, it'll stop hurting in a moment. How did it happen?"

"That cloud shot some sort of weapon at my console, and it blew up."

"Cloud?" Chapel sounded confused. He realised she probably had no idea what was going on. Lucky her.

"A non-corporeal life-form that seems to have taken a liking to our ship. I believe the Captain and Commander Spock are attempting to negotiate with it now." Sulu explained from the bed across from them.

"Should prove interesting, since as far as I can see, it has no mouth." He muttered to himself. Chapel was staring at him in disbelief.

"All hands, this is the captain. A new lifeform is currently roaming the corridors of the ship. For your protection, all staff will remain out of the corridors until further notice. If you are as unfortunate as to meet it – it is large, pink and resembles a cloud - do not shoot it. Phasers have no effect. Kirk out."

He rolled his eyes. Clearly the life-form was not contained. Typical.

"And there was me thinking you were all joking." Chapel said, eyes wide.

The expression on her face made him smile. "Not on this ship."

Jim, Spock and a security team burst into his sickbay a few seconds later.

He frowned at them – they'd better have a hell of a good reason for being in his sickbay when there was that thing on the loose. "Would you mind telling me what's going on?"

Kirk grinned at him. "Just a bit of light exercise."

"It would probably be best if we all moved away from the door." Spock added.

"I thought you had it trapped on deck twelve?"

"It seems to have a laser ability we did not anticipate, and the shields were useless." Spock explained.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Looking for weapons. You haven't got anything special hidden away, have you?" Jim was surveying the room with a frown.

"This is a sickbay, Jim. It's known for its heavy weaponry. Why didn't you go to engineering?"

"Now Bones, I would hate for you to miss out - I know how much you enjoy first contacts."

"And unfortunately the cloud pushed us towards this area." Spock added.

"Wait – the cloud is following you, and you came in _here_?" Were they out of their minds?

"The sick bay holds the most promising source of weapons on this deck. It seemed logical that-."

He was suddenly furious. "Logical? Are you insane? I have patients in here. I'll give you logical you…"

There was a loud crack and the sound of lasers cutting through the door.

"Looks like it's found us." Jim said, and pushed the nurses into a corner.

He put a steadying hand on Chapel. He could feel her pulse racing under his fingertips.

"Anyone have any bright ideas on how to incapacitate a lifeform without a body?"

"Perhaps we should attempt to communicate with it again, Captain. There perhaps is another way we have yet to try." Spock predictably suggested.

"I don't think it thinks much of talking. That was when it got the lasers out, was it not? We need something better than that. Quickly."

Ross had started to hyperventilate. Damn, he didn't need a panicking patient on his hands too. He sedated him.

"There's no use trying to fight a gas." He told the others. "What we need is somewhere to contain it. Will it fit into any of the oxygen tanks?"

"Negative. It has an area of approximately fifty by fifty cubits and its weapons would penetrate its walls."

"The decontamination chamber?"

"It'll break out won't it?" The captain frowned.

"It may not have time to. I believe that the decontamination chamber forms a vacuum, removing debris into space, does it not?" Spock questioned.

"Yes."

"So if we get it in there, we can remove it from the ship, then get the hell out of here." Jim summarised.

He felt the need to point out the obvious. "Only one problem, Jim. We actually have to get it in there."

"Spock and I will draw it into the chamber, then once we're out you can switch on the vacuum." It was one of the most unsound plans he had heard in a while, but they had run out of options. The door shattered and the gas came floating in.

He grabbed Chapel and Ross and pulled them to the ground as all hell broke loose. Spock and Jim were firing at it from every angle, but the being seemed to be distracted by the screams of the nurses in the corner. Clearly Chapel had realised this too, as she began crawling towards them.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He attempted to grab her, but she shook him free and made it safely to the nurses. After a few murmured words all was quiet. He was going to have to ask her how she did that.

They had managed to get it into the chamber. He sprinted forwards and began to override the protocols.

The captain was attempting to shield himself with a tray as the being continued to fire at him. "Jim!" He shouted through the glass. "You need to be on the door side when the separator comes up, or you'll feel the effects of the vacuum with no spacesuit."

Jim groaned at him and attempted to get past the being to no avail. He initiated the countdown sequence and the door sealed shut. The captain was unable to get past the being without it following him to the other side. Damn it.

"Any bright ideas on how to keep it on the other side would be greatly appreciated in the next thirty seconds."

Chapel had run to them. "Switch the gravity field onto the left." She ordered confidently.

He wondered who she thought she was, and briefly, whether the stress of the situation had made her lose her mind.

"Yes, the captain will be pulled down, but the gas will be unaffected." Spock agreed with her.

"It will need to be at the last second, or it will follow." They both sounded so calm – like they were discussing the weather – that he wanted to shake them.

"Twenty seconds – do it – do it!" He ordered.

"You need to draw it back to the other side Captain." Chapel was telling him. "Then get down on the floor."

The captain found the time to smile at her heroically as he continued to battle the alien. The man was unbelievable. He was also going to be very dead in a few seconds unless the Vulcan worked faster.

"Hold on Jim." He tried to sound reassuring as a laser caught his arm.

The captain fell to the floor as the counter sounded three and Spock reverse the gravity field. He slid under the cloud and smacked into the left wall of the chamber. The partition came up before the gas could move, the vacuum activated, and in a second it was sucked out into space.

There was silence. McCoy realised that he had been gripping Chapel's shoulder tightly and released her, hoping that she was not going to have bruises. The door slid open and Jim stumbled out.

"Damn it, man. Of all your most insane plans, this has to be near the top." He pulled his friend's arm over his shoulder, and attempted not to return his grin.

"Good work everyone. No Bones, I can't lie down, we need to move this ship. Spock, nice work with those fields."

"Thank you sir, but it was Nurse Chapel's idea." Yes, it had been. She looked embarrassed, although that may have had something to do with the way the captain was looking at her. He noted that she didn't seem to have a hair out of place, although there were singe marks on her legs. Damn, he needed to stop looking at her legs. He grabbed his medical kit and a dermal regenerator off the floor, only to find that the captain was leaving.

"Oh no you don't, Jim. You need medical attention." The man was bleeding from his shoulder and who knew where else. He wasn't going anywhere until he'd been treated.

"I'm fine Bones. Stop your coddling." The fact that he was swaying as he said that, said otherwise.

"_Jim_." Damn, why could the man never let him do his job?

"All right, do what you have to do, but do it as we walk. I _am_ going back to my bridge." Of course he was. How was he the only sane one on this ship?

He followed him out, then realised the condition of the medical bay. For a second he was torn – he still had patients here. "Nurse Chapel?" She crossed to him. All her hard work had been destroyed, yet there was a look of amusement in her eyes.

"I'll hold the fort, Doctor McCoy." She assured him, giving him an understanding smile. She was certainly some woman – and right now there was nobody that he trusted more with his sickbay. He returned her smile, then left to treat the captain.


	7. Chapter 4 Dinner Christine

_Thanks everyone who's still reading. Please review – I love to know what you think. Here's a brief interlude in the calm before the storm where we get to know some of the other crew a bit better. Hope you all enjoy._

4. The Dinner – Christine

Six days of peace followed the sickbay incident, and order was restored. The peace had largely been created by the fact that for the three days Doctor McCoy had been on an away mission to return the diplomats, and subsequently had been busy either on the bridge, or with examinations of his own which she ensured ran smoothly by assisting herself when necessary. Despite his brisk bedside manner, she couldn't deny he was one of the best doctors she had ever seen – his knowledge was extensive and flawless, his procedures effortless and he held a rare perception that she found fascinating. It was only this respect of his abilities that was able to keep her biting her tongue when he began one of his tirades against her. She had discovered that if she replied 'Yes Doctor' meekly, it tended to diffuse his anger in some unfathomable way – but actually allowing herself to do so was much more difficult. She had never considered herself a particularly argumentative person, and certainly not a violent one, but he brought out these attributes in her like no one she had ever met before. Then again, she had never met anyone quite so sarcastic, challenging, belittling and downright rude as the Doctor. She didn't know how she was going to manage five years of him – but assured herself that at least he could only improve, and she had always thrived in difficult circumstances.

In between the time training her staff and assisting the doctor, she had also been busy with her own work, performing the mandatory physical exams of the crewmembers. Starting with the senior staff, she had examined the captain (who had been very quick to remove his clothing), Commander Spock (which had occurred in near complete silence), Lieutenant Commander Scott (who she had to coax to let go of his collection of metal implements through pure bribery) and Lieutenant Sulu, who seemed so blissfully normal that she could have hugged him.

"You certainly cleaned up this place quickly." He said, smiling at her as he began to dress. "You wouldn't have known that just a few days ago we were fighting for our lives against a large pink gaseous consciousness."

She laughed, something that she couldn't remember doing in some time. "What makes me think that such an event wasn't entirely surprising on this ship?"

"It's my belief that the Captain has some strange mystical power that draws new undiscovered lifeforms to him." She laughed again. "Would you believe me if I told you that it's not even the strangest lifeform we've met?"

"Absolutely. I'm sure there many more even stranger ones to come."

Sulu made a face. "I'd better brush up on my fencing."

"You fence?"

"Technically it's Kendo. Are you familiar with it?"

She was extremely familiar with it – she had been overflowing with emotion ten years ago, and fighting someone with a large sword was, she found, a particularly useful form of therapy. "Yes, I took some classes while in the academy, although I never got particularly good. I used Taekwondo to get through the advanced combat course."

"You took the advanced combat course?"

"You sound surprised." She said dryly.

"You're just so… nice. And proper. I can't imagine you fighting anyone." She guessed he was imagining some of the other cadets on the course. Some of them had certainly been interesting…

"I haven't had to fight for a long time." At least not physically. "And I'm most definitely out of practise, but in my time I was pretty good."

The man looked at her in wonder. "A ninja nurse. No wonder you fit in so well on this ship. Should we ever be boarded, I'll feel better knowing the people in sickbay at least are safe."

She smiled. "Like I said, I'm out of practise. But I would like to get into it again. Tell me, do you run remedial classes?"

"Remedial…? No, but how about we do a swap – Taekwondo for Kendo. My hand-to-hand combat needs work, and I can remind you how to use a sword."

"Sounds like a plan." She replied with genuine enthusiasm. "How about you message me with a place and time, once your hands are completely healed, and we can go from there?"

"Good idea." He grinned. "My wife will be happy – she's been saying I've been putting on weight. And there was me thinking that the adrenaline of this ship alone would keep it off." She smiled at that. "Well I'd best be getting back to my station. Thank you again, Nurse Chapel."

"It's Christine, and you are welcome."

Midway through her shift on the sixth day following the sickbay incident, Christine determined to do something radical. She decided to take a break and go and eat dinner in the mess, a place that she had yet to visit. The sickbay was quiet – McCoy was on the bridge and their last patient had been discharged some hours ago – and she was sure the other nurses could cope with anything minor. She had realised that she didn't want her only knowledge of this ship to be through sickbay. Her mother had often reminded her that people were rarely at their best when they were ill.

She had forgotten how many people lived on this ship when she entered the mess. It was teeming, and what was worse was she didn't recognise one person.

She poured herself some soup, then holding her tray looked around. This felt vividly like her first day at school. She had been several years younger than the other students, and she remembered holding her lunch tray and wondering who on earth would consider eating with her. However, she had been saved then by a young boy with a sweet smile; she was saved now when a beautiful long-haired Terran, and a green-skinned Orion waved her over.

Attempting not to sigh with relief, and wondering what two such people would want with her, she joined them.

"You looked at little lost." The Terran told her as she drew closer. "You're Nurse Chapel, are you not?"

She smiled. "That's me. May I?" She joined them at the table.

"I'm Uhura, and this is Gaila." She smiled serenely and Christine felt a flash of recognition.

"You're the voice on the comm. aren't you?"

The woman looked surprised. "Yes – I'm chief communications officer. You have a good ear for voices."

"Not particularly, I've just heard every time the captain wants Doctor McCoy on the bridge."

"Which is usually several times a day." Gaila laughed. "Commander Scott says that he spends more time on the bridge trying to stop the captain doing something crazy than he does in sickbay treating patients."

"Commander Scott?" Her thoughts flashed back to the quirky, brilliant man she had examined. "You work in engineering?"

"Yep."

"She's a whizz as taking things apart. She's just not as good at putting them back together how she found them." Uhura commented, eyes shining with amusement.

"It was an improvement, Uhura." The woman defended herself. "What's the point of something that just dries your hair, when you could have something that dries your body too, and in under three seconds."

"It would have been lovely, if it hadn't been that by drying you mean incinerate. I'm just glad I was fully dressed at the time."

The Orion sighed. "I'm working on that. And besides you gave Cadet Signos a nice surprise when you had kicked him out of your wardrobe."

"Gaila!" She frowned at her friend, but there was a smiled behind it, and Christine had the impression that they'd been good friends at the academy.

Gaila turned her eye on Christine, examining her closely. "So what's it like working for Doctor McCoy?"

Christine tried not to make a face. "Interesting..."

Uhura exchanged a glance with her friend. "I bet it is."

Gaila looked thoughtful. "You know, anger means passion, and passion means…"

"It's more grumpiness than anger." Christine interrupted, trying to force away a blush. That was most definitely not a thought she wanted to be having.

"McCoy's not that bad, when you get used to him." Uhura reassured her. "He has a heart of gold deep down." Very deep down, Christine thought to herself. "Maria – Nurse Simkins – told me that he was really kind when she told him about her… problem."

"I heard that he told her that she was an idiot and that Jim Kirk wasn't worth losing her marriage over." Gaila commented.

"Well yes, but he did help her get decommissioned. And then gave the captain a tongue-lashing for it, according to Spock – that is Commander Spock."

Gaila grinned at her. "Well you can hardly blame the captain. The nurse pretty much threw herself at him after the Klingons had been doing their best to get him drunk. A man can only resist so much."

"A better man would have managed."

"Well they can't all be like Commander Spock."

Uhura frowned at her, then turned back to Christine. "McCoy has a hard time. It isn't easy to be the captain's friend."

Christine thought this through. "It seems like they have an odd friendship – they're not very alike."

"I think that is part of the beauty. The captain can always rely on him to speak his mind, and he relies on the captain to do the right thing. They've been friends for years – since the academy – and the doctor's one of the most loyal friends I have ever seen."

That surprised her. "How so?"

"Well I can't count the number of times the doctor has taken the flack for one of Kirk's schemes."

"Like when he smuggled the captain onto the ship during the _Narada_ incident." Gaila smiled. "I always liked that story."

Christine tried to add this up with the man that she had seen, and came up short. Perhaps he did have a personality disorder after all. They paused as she began to eat her soup which had since gone cold.

"You should come around for one of our girlie nights." Gaila suggested. "They're always fun." Christine looked up in surprise. She had never been one to make friends quickly – most people found her rather cold and reserved at first. It was usually only with time that she was comfortable enough to let her sense of humour show and say what she was really thinking.

"They are normally amusing." Uhura agreed. "And it will be nice to have someone other than the two of us."

"The other women on this ship are just prejudiced against me." Frowned Gaila.

"They're worried you'll steal their partners, Gaila. Which isn't entirely unfounded."

"I never _steal_ anything."

"That's not the point. A word of warning." Uhura told Christine. "If you have your eye on anyone on this ship, let Gaila know first. Isn't that right Gaila. Gaila?"

Gaila had become distracted, and following her gaze she was surprised to see her staring at the Chief Engineer.

Uhura sighed. "Scotty? Not still?"

The man was muttering to the short being besides him, who was passing him various screws, then suddenly exclaimed "Jelly, oh I love jelly!"; before rebuking his aide for handing him something wrong whilst with a mouthful of the stuff.

Gaila turned back to her friend, smiling slightly. "He's interesting. And clever. And you know, geniuses in the engine room are also geniuses in-."

"Stop it Gaila. That is truly disgusting." Uhura rebuked while Christine hid a smile behind a hand. "Besides, didn't you tell me that he has never shown the slightest bit of interest in you?"

"Yes. I can't figure that out. However, I'm always up for a challenge." The woman grinned, and pulled out a small device from a pocket. "I do believe I'm going to need some help rebuilding the kolium matrix in here, excuse me."

Christine and Uhura exchanged amused looks as Gaila approached the engineer, looking serious, perplexed, and batting her eyelashes.

"I think she might have her work cut out there." Christine commented.

"Really? I wondered if he were somehow resistant to her pheromones…"

Christine smiled to herself. She knew for a fact that, in the course of experimentation, the man had lost most of his olfactory epithelium, and was unsusceptible to pheromones, just as he couldn't smell.

"He may well be." She said, unwilling to break the code of confidentiality that held her practise. She wondered how long it would be before the Orion found out. She wondered if the knowledge would stop her. She made a note to herself to read up on Orion psychology.

Uhura smiled. "She's slightly insane, but she is certainly entertaining."

They continued to speak for a few minutes more about the ship and their time at the academy. Then she noticed that Commander Spock was watching them a little way off with the blank expression and stillness she associated with his race.

"Uhura, I believe that Commander Spock is trying to get your attention."

Uhura looked up, met the Vulcan's eyes and gave him the slightest of nods. The sensor in Christine's mind – or what her mother liked to call her feminine intuition – flared into life. Were they in some sort of relationship? Could it be possible – a human and a Vulcan in a relationship? Well, stranger things had happened. But then, if it were real it broke several regulations, and Christine could no more imagine a Vulcan breaking a rule than dancing the hula.

"I need to go." Uhura informed her. "Are you coming to the dinner tonight?"

Christine had totally forgotten about that. "Yes, I plan to."

"Thank goodness. I was getting sick of being the only woman on the senior staff. There's only so many of Jim's stories I can listen to."

Christine smiled at her. "Well, I don't know whether my presence will change the captain's storytelling, but I'll see you tonight."

They exchanged final smiles and Uhura left with Spock, their arms identically clasped behind their backs.

The other nurses had been sweet at the end of her shift and had helped her to leave on time by taking on several of the tasks she would have usually done herself. She felt a stab of almost maternal affection for them. It was nice to know that they returned her feelings – Nurse Ogori had taken to calling her Mum after she had gone to comfort her on the news her relationship with another crewman had fallen apart, and the other nurses treated her with warmth since she had defended them from McCoy. It had become a pleasant environment to work in, and in just days. Now if only she could solve the problem of Doctor McCoy. She hadn't seen him much, and hoped that the dinner tonight would perhaps give her an idea on a plan of action. She was sick of writing his name at the top of her daily things to do list and not being able to add any action points.

She pulled her blonde hair into a complex knot and selected a green dress – the only thing she owned fit for a dinner - from her wardrobe. She considered herself in the mirror and decided that, apart from looking tired, she didn't look too bad. She was no great beauty – her mother had often told her that her features were too soft to be striking – but she looked well enough.

She rang the buzzer for the captain's quarters exactly five minutes early. The captain answered it himself, grinning at her. He was dressed in a blue formal shirt that matched his eyes – a fact she was sure he was well aware – and was holding a glass of something clear and bubbling.

"Christine – you look lovely." He was staring at her legs again. She fought an urge to say something scathing.

"Thank you sir."

"Now come on in and get something to drink."

She entered the quarters feeling suddenly apprehensive. The room was lit softly, and a large round table stood in the centre laid for dinner. She saw faces that she recognised, and one or two that she didn't, and realised that she was probably one of the last people here. Uhura and Spock stood talking on the far side of the room with Scott, who was telling an animated story that was making Uhura laugh. Sulu was talking to – or rather being talked at - Cherkov, the young man who had shown her to her quarters on her first day. She was surprised to see him here, but she supposed that the captain could pick and choose who to invite. Her eyes came to rest on McCoy, and she felt startled that he looked so different. Perhaps it was that he wasn't wearing uniform, but a plain black shirt that, she had to admit to herself, looked good on him. Or perhaps it was the fact he looked uncomfortable and unsure, contemplating his glass with a frown. She had grown used to the confident and forceful doctor in the sickbay, and seeing him otherwise – and that he was capable of being otherwise – was strange.

It was probably curiosity that made her approach him.

"It might not happen, you know."

He turned at her voice, eyebrows lifting in surprise when he saw she was addressing him. "What might not?"

"Whatever it is that is making you scowl at your glass with such intensity."

"I wasn't scowling."

"Oh – can you see your reflection in the glass too?"

He opened his mouth, shut it again, and then glared at her. She smiled at him, if only to prove that his glare didn't faze her.

"Bones, get that woman a drink." The captain broke the moment with a hand on his shoulder and a smile for Christine.

"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." McCoy muttered ominously, but obediently went to the cabinet.

"I see he's his ever charming self."

"Did you upset him again?" She wondered aloud.

"Upset Bones? I would never do such a thing!" She raised her eyebrows at him in amusement. "Well almost never. It definitely wasn't me tonight though. He was in this mood when he got here."

She glanced at the man's back. "Perhaps he is simply tired. You have been working him hard of late."

"We all work hard. At least his is nothing that a few drinks and a decent woman can't solve."

"And when you say decent you really mean…?"

Jim grinned at her. "Hospitable."

"Who's hospitable?" The doctor returned and thrust a drink at her. She murmured her thanks, and he frowned at her.

"I am. Let's eat shall we?" He winked at Christine, then announced dinner to the room.

They took their seats, and she was relieved to find that Uhura had been placed one side of her, and Cherkov on the other. The doctor sat besides the captain, almost opposite her, but thankfully far enough away that she would not have to listen to his barbed comments all night.

"I'm glad to see you again, Nurse Chapel." The Russian man said.

"And I you." She replied. "How have you been?"

"Wery good. I am working on transporter improvements with Mr Scott. It is wery interesting." He began to explain the intricacies to her and she had to work to look interested, as the starter was placed before her. Thankfully, after ten minutes she was saved by Commander Scott, who butted in with "That's not right, lad;" and dominated his attention so she could turn to Uhura.

"Transporter mechanics." Uhuru whispered. "Certainly not my favourite topic of conversation."

"I'm glad." Christine replied, with a smile and a low voice. "Because I'm not sure I could prevent the glazed look for much longer."

Uhura laughed. "I've been trying to avoid talking shop with the pair of them at social occasions for months. I honestly don't think it's possible. Just try not to mention anything about the turbolifts – I once commented to Scotty that they seemed to have been running a little slow, and he gave me a hour lecture on diagnostic systems."

"That sounds horrific."

"It was – though not as bad as his singing of the Scottish ballads. I imagine we'll be graced by one tonight – the captain thinks their funny."

"The captain has a strange sense of humour."

"Nurse Chapel." Kirk interrupted them across the table. "Tell us how you've been getting on since you got here."

Christine blushed as all eyes suddenly turned to her. "Fine. The nurses are all doing well."

"So I've heard. They all seem to like you." Christine didn't bother to ask how he would know that – but hoped it wasn't because he was harassing them again. "I'm glad to see you haven't let Bones bully you. How do you find him as your CMO? Not too ill-tempered?"

She certainly found him ill-tempered. And frustrating and illogical and down-right aggressive. However she knew that tone of voice well – it was the same as when he had been a child and was up to something. She glanced at the doctor, but he was staring at the table.

"He is a perfectionist." She said slowly. "But a very good doctor." She felt proud of her diplomatic response.

"Hear hear." Said Scotty loudly. "Got us out of a few tight spots he has. That one where half the crew was infected with that nasty virus was a corker – Spock's ears turned blue, do you remember? Blue ears!"

"I am familiar with the events." Her eyes flickered to the Vulcan and she tried hard not to smile. She lost. "As I recall the doctor formulated an anti-virus from my blood."

"The blueness remained for a few weeks though." The captain commented with a smile. "I tried to convince the Spock to keep it, but the doctor wouldn't allow it."

"Irrelevant of that Sir, I would not have kept the discolouration in any case. You kept laughing every time you saw me, and I feared that I would become too distracting." Christine noticed Uhura touch the man's hand under the table. So she hadn't been reading into things. Intriguing.

Kirk glanced at Uhura too, and smirked. "Yes, I'm sure that was the major reason."

The conversation drifted and Christine continued to talk to Uhura as the main course was served and followed by dessert. Christine wasn't sure what she was eating most of the time – and she didn't ask because she wasn't sure she wanted to know – but it all tasted good.

It was as they were drinking coffee that the captain tapped his glass to make another announcement. "Here is the moment when the captain becomes sentimental." Uhura whispered to her.

"As some of you know, in a few hours we will be entering Klingon space in an attempt to find an essential probe which StarFleet believes has drifted into their territory. We of course aim for this to be a peaceful and straightforward retrieval mission;" She watched as the Doctor threw him a look of profound scepticism; "However, the Klingon people are not particularly enthralled with the Federation at the moment, and we will be standing at Amber alert as soon as we enter their space. May I therefore take this opportunity to say that I am grateful to have a crew as talented as dedicated as you. I have no doubt that through your abilities and commitment we will be able to complete this mission as we complete all our others. Therefore may I raise my glass to the crew of the Enterprise."

"The Enterprise." They raised their glasses, and Christine's eyes met those of the doctor's across the table. For a second she couldn't move or breathe. He was smiling slightly – good grief a woman could fall in love with those eyes - and then everyone was moving away from the table and the spell was broken. Her heart was beating fast, like she'd just been running, and the butterflies were dancing in synchronisation for once. What, in the galaxy, was that? Uhura was talking to her again, and she gave herself a mental kick and tried to focus on the words. Her eyes slid back to the doctor, but his back was to her, talking to Jim in a low voice.

"Are you all right Christine?" Uhura was looking at her with concern.

She tried to smile. "I'm fine." She lied. "Just tired. When do you think I could leave here without seeming inpolite? I hate to eat and run."

"I'd give it another fifteen minutes. I'll have to leave then too – I'm on the early shift tomorrow."

"You're not talking about leaving?" Kirk had come up behind them, and Christine felt a surge of guilt. However, Uhura seemed less easy to manipulate.

"We can't function on so little sleep like you, Jim. Do you have any idea how much concentration it takes to interpret several dialects of Klingon simultaneously? And the last thing you'll be wanting is Nurse Chapel making mistakes."

"I don't believe Nurse Chapel ever makes mistakes."

Christine blushed. "I definitely do." Far too many of them, and the largest ones were usually personal.

"I hope you don't feel that taking this post was one of them." Kirk said perceptively.

"No." Only sometimes. "I enjoy being a member of this crew." Usually.

"Good." Uhura had begun talking to Scott and the captain leaned closer. "And of course working for the good doctor. No regrets there?"

She frowned at him, and the suspicion she had earlier relit. "Why all the questions about Doctor McCoy, captain? Has he been complaining about me?"

"Complaining?" Jim grinned. "He complains about everyone. However, he seems to complain significantly less about you compared to me, which is a good sign."

"Well I'm not sure I blame him for complaining about you. You always were trouble as a boy."

"Well I'm half as much trouble now. But twice the fun." She rolled her eyes at him.

"I imagine that you have got it the wrong way round. Tell me captain, is there a reason why your two most senior officers are both able to sedate you so easily?"

He laughed. "Jeez, I bet you give Bones a run for his money. You always were a particularly sarcastic teenager. You and he would have got along."

"And you always were a particularly naughty child. I wonder why I liked you so much, really."

"I'm sure it was his big blue eyes and boyish smile." McCoy said behind her, voice sardonic.

"No, it was my undying love and devotion that did it." Jim grinned at her with those big blue eyes and boyish smile. "Do you remember when I ran away to your house to proclaim my love?"

Christine smiled, despite the confusing presence of the nearby doctor. "You were nine and tried to start a fight with my boyfriend. You never did tell me how you managed to travel three hundred miles with no money."

"You probably don't want to know."

"No I probably don't. You were very sweet though."

"And your boyfriend was an idiot – even an eleven year old could see that. Whatever happened to him?"

"He joined Starfleet. He was killed on the _Gallant_ eight years ago."

She felt the doctor's eyes on her. His silence was making her nervous.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that." Kirk said sincerely. He paused. "I was about your mother too."

"I got your message." She tried not to think too deeply. "I didn't think you would remember us."

"It would have been hard to forget you." He touched her arm. "Your mum always looked out for me. And you did stop me being sent to Mars."

"So she's the one we should blame?" McCoy said quietly, voice humourless.

"Or thank, Bones. You know, _some _people think it makes me a good captain." The doctor frowned but made no response. "Now please excuse me. Cherkov's been looking at me for the last few minutes and I'd hate for him to spontaneously combust." He squeezed her arm one final time, then left her with the doctor.

She tried not to look at him, feeling suddenly nervous. What the hell was wrong with her? One look and she was turned into a teenager again? Well she was well beyond those years.

"How often does the Captain usually have these get-togethers?" She asked him. She could be polite if he could.

The doctor frowned at her. "About once a month. He likes playing host - thinks it improves staff dynamic."

"And you don't?"

"I think the best way to get to know someone isn't through small talk."

She eyed him unsurprised. "Then how?"

"You work together." She frowned at him. "You disagree? I suppose you think that having deep and meaningful conversations is more important. You like to see people's souls."

"I don't ask to see anyone's soul. But you're right – I do like to talk to people. There's only so much you can find out about someone by working with them."

"I suppose it's the nurse in you." He said under his breath.

She glanced up at him, feeling irritated. "I'm sure that as a doctor you understand the importance of speaking to people, Doctor McCoy. Many illnesses don't present as physical symptoms – and it is only through deep conversation that you can elicit the problem."

"That is different."

"Really? You think that people will talk to you just because you're a doctor and demand it?" Her temper was flaring. She attempted to reign it in. "What I'm trying to say is that since you are in charge of both the physical and mental health of this crew, you of all people should know how important it is to build a relationship with people – and that requires talking to them, not just in consultation."

He was searching her face, and she met his eyes. Her stomach lurched again – those eyes. She felt angry at him again. Who was he, to slight her and then to make her feel like this? She had had enough.

"Excuse me doctor, but I'm tired and am in early tomorrow. Good night."

He nodded curtly. "Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

She felt his eyes on her back as she left.


	8. Chapter 4 Dinner McCoy

4. The Dinner – McCoy

"Why is Starfleet going to all this trouble over a probe?" McCoy was sitting in Jim's ready room six days after the first contact with the gaseous being, puzzling over their new assignment.

"Forgive me doctor, but as usual you underestimate the importance of astronomical data." Spock said to him, hands clasped behind his back and staring out of the window.

He frowned. "I hardly think that sensor readings of charted territories is worth us risking our lives." He turned to Jim. "It makes me think that there's something more going on here than meets the eye."

Jim chuckled. "This is the Federation. There's always something more going on. Recently they've been more tight-lipped than ever."

"I take it then that you came to the same conclusion."

"Naturally. Your scepticism is starting to rub off on me, Bones. They gave me all that 'need to know' nonsense. How can they seriously expect me to decide on a sensible course of action when I don't have all the facts?"

"Clearly captain they feel that such knowledge would not change your ability to obey orders." Spock pointed out.

"Might make it easier when explaining to the Klingons why we're entering their territory though." McCoy argued. "They're a trigger happy bunch after all."

Jim sighed. "Well we'll have to play this one by ear." He stretched and joined Spock by the window.

"How are you and Uhura getting along? I've noticed she changed her hair."

Bones smiled. Ever since the captain had discovered that the Vulcan and Uhura were together he'd been fishing for information about their relationship. The pair kept tight-lipped about the whole thing – something of which he approved of, seeing as their relationship wasn't technically regulation. However, the lack of information seemed to drive the captain to distraction. He approved of that too.

"You are correct, captain. Lieutenant Uhura has modified the way that she wears her hair."

Kirk grimaced at him. "What do you think of this modification?"

"My thoughts are irrelevant."

"I'm sure she doesn't see it that way."

"Has she disclosed her thoughts on this with you?"

"No – but she is a woman after all."

"Captain, you should refrain from making assumptions about Lieutenant Uhura based on experience with other women. She is, if nothing else, unique."

"That's for sure." McCoy muttered. He wondered what a woman like Uhura saw in a cold fish like Spock. Hell, he wondered what any human woman would see in Spock.

Jim frowned and unfortunately shifted his attention. "And you Bones, how are you getting along with Chapel?"

"How the hell did you get from Spock and Uhura to me and Chapel?" There wasn't even a him and Chapel.

Jim shrugged. "You work together, she's smart and beautiful and has legs to die for. Let's not pretend you haven't been admiring her."

McCoy had actually been doing everything in his power to stop himself admiring her – and it was generally working, helped by the fact that he had spent remarkably little time in the sickbay recently. The problem was that when he was in her presence she was difficult to ignore. What was worse was she somehow seemed to have worked out a way to diffuse his anger, and when he wasn't angry other, more inappropriate feelings, were able to work their way through. How the hell had she known what to do?

His father was an excellent man – but, like him, an angry one. He had many childhood memories of him shouting incessantly at his mother, who was, without a doubt, the best woman he knew. Unlike him, in the face of such a tirade she would simply bowed her head, and meekly replied "Yes, Pastor."As he had grown older he had grown frustrated at his mother's reaction to his father's behaviour – he couldn't understand why she wouldn't fight back against such injustice. Now, Chapel had began to do something similar to him – meekly replying to his anger with 'Yes, Doctor', and he found frustratingly that it kicked the wind out of any aggression he had. It would have been better if she fought back. Hell, it would have been better if she had cried to that simple submission. She made him feel like a bad person. Worse – she made him feel like he was becoming his father.

"I'm a professional, Jim. The only way I look at Nurse Chapel is as my head nurse."

Jim raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Naturally, he thought that all men were like him. Unfortunately, in this case his disbelief may have been justified. Damn it.

"Spock, you've met Christine. What do you think of her?" Jim questioned.

Spock turned from the window. "She has shown herself to be a very capable nurse, and many of the crew already praise her personality."

"And her legs?"

The Vulcan arched an eyebrow. "They do seem to be longer than most human women's." Damn, not him too.

Jim grinned in triumph. "See Bones, even Spock has noticed. Don't pretend you haven't."

McCoy frowned at him. What was he up to? Was he attempting to justify his behaviour with the nurse? Well he wasn't giving him a hand with that. "What I have or haven't noticed is beside the point. I'm her commanding officer and the only thing I should be noticing is her ability as a nurse."

Spock was watching him. "The doctor is correct to remain professional – the risk to his career should he become involved with his head nurse is substantial."

He snorted. Hark who was talking. He was beginning to feel increasingly uncomfortable. He did not need to be reminded of the ramifications of inappropriate behaviour. "While this conversation is thrilling, I have work to be doing and a sickbay to see to."

"All right Bones, off you go." Jim nodded to him. "Don't forget there's the senior officer's dinner tonight."

Damn he'd forgotten about that. He wished that he hadn't been reminded.

"Do I have to come?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll be there."

"Excellent."

He left with a heavy heart.

If McCoy had still been on Earth he was sure that spiders would have taken over his quarters. In the sterile environment of the ship the room wasn't even dusty. However it felt uninhabited – most of the personal belongings he had sat in his office in sickbay rather than here. He usually used the room for nothing except sleeping and dressing – and that was usually only when he felt it was possible to leave sickbay unattended. He'd left Doctor Seams on duty tonight – a gamble he didn't feel entirely comfortable taking but which he seemed to have little choice in doing since he had to attend the dinner. Seams had been an excellent doctor in his time – but at his age space travel, especially on a starship like Enterprise, was not good for him – and he struggled to keep up with new techniques and the challenges they faced every day. He should have been safely tucked away at Starfleet command, or on a nice outpost somewhere warm and sunny. Not here. He still disagreed with Starfleet bullying him to come back into service – but it had been unfortunately necessary. Every ship now required three doctors, and it was a choice of two fresh-faced students, or him and Zuvolt – a young doctor who was bound for psychiatry because he was hopeless with anything that required the use of an instrument. Hardly a decision.

It took him fifteen minutes to shower and select something to wear. It wasn't a difficult decision – the only smart thing he owned that wasn't his formal uniform was a black shirt that Jim had given him after he'd used the excuse that he had nothing to wear in an attempt to avoid such an occasion. He threw it on, flattened his hair, and glanced in the mirror. He'd do.

He attempted to energize himself for the evening as he got into the turbolift. It wasn't easy – these sorts of occasion were his idea of hell. Unlike Jim he was never easy with people socially – and small talk drove him to distraction. Worse, unlike Spock, he didn't have Vulcan descent to use as an excuse for his introversion either. He supposed that being among the senior staff was marginally better than being on an away mission. At least he'd get some sense out of Uhura and Sulu.

"There you are." Jim answered the door with a grating smile and let him in. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm wondering why you force me to attend these things." He glanced around the room. He had been preceded only by Spock, who was once again staring out of the window.

Jim chuckled. "Because you're my CMO – and last time I checked, my friend."

"Your friendship seems to come with quite a price-tag these days."

Jim gave him a look. "You're going to be a bundle of laughs tonight, I can tell. Let's get a drink in you."

He nodded and followed Jim to the counter. The captain poured them both a drink and he looked at the glass suspiciously. "What the hell is this?"

"You should know better than to ask, Bones. Just drink it."

He supposed it didn't really matter what it was. He took a sip and felt the burn reassuring.

Jim was watching him with a preoccupied frown of his own.

"You're worried about taking the ship into Klingon territory?" He didn't really need to ask.

"I have my orders – but you know I'm allowed to disregard them if I consider the risk too great to the lives of the people on this ship."

"Are you going to disregard them?"

"I don't know. I've never gone in blind before, and the Klingon ships can cloak. I don't know what the cost might be if we have to engage one; and I don't know what the price will be if we don't recover the probe."

McCoy agreed it was one hell of a decision to make – and one he couldn't really help with. "You know, Jim, much as it pains me to say it, you're a good captain. The crew will support you whatever choice you make."

"I know." He still looked troubled. "But I'm only going to know if I've made the wrong one when it's too late."

McCoy sighed and wondered what he could say that would help. He glanced at Spock. "The Vulcan over there would tell you to follow the most logical path to find peace – or something like that. I'd advise you to follow your conscience – because all the logic in the universe isn't going to help you sleep at night. You've got us out of worse situations before. Do what you believe is right."

The door chimed, and Jim patted him on the shoulder and went to answer it. He watched the bubbles in his drink and wondered what decision the man would make. He knew which one he hoped he'd make. He also knew the one that he probably would make. Kirk, after all, didn't believe in no-win situations.

The room filled around him and he poured himself another drink. If Jim chose what he thought he would, he needed to go and get the sickbay ready. However, the chances of being allowed to leave were effectively nil. It was times like these that he hated his life.

Jim pulled him away from the wall to talk to Scott about some trouble he'd been having with the dampening field. The engineer thought he would have to send men outside to fix it, and wanted to know who was most physically able to deal with zero-gravity. After he had made his recommendations the man began talking to Uhura and Spock, and he was left in blissful peace again with his drink.

"It might not happen, you know." He realised the voice was addressing him, and turned to see Chapel watching him, amusement in her eyes. He'd forgotten she'd be here. The situation suddenly seemed a whole lot more bearable.

"What might not?"

"Whatever it is that is making you scowl at your glass with such intensity."

"I wasn't scowling."

"Oh – can you see your reflection in the glass too?"

He realised with a start, that she looked beautiful, hair piled up on her head, and a green dress that fitted her in all the right places. He opened his mouth, then realised he had forgotten what they were arguing about and frowned at her. She returned his frown with defiance in her eyes that almost made him smile.

"Bones, get that woman a drink." The captain broke the moment with a hand on his shoulder and a smile for Christine. He shook himself – what the hell was he doing?

"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." He muttered, but was grateful for the chance to compose himself. He definitely needed to start controlling his thoughts better.

He poured a drink – he didn't bother thinking too much about what to get her since he was fairly sure she wouldn't drink it – and returned to catch the tail end of their conversation.

"Hospitable." Jim was saying, with a grin. Chapel was smiling back at him, and for a second he felt something akin to jealousy. He stamped on it hard, and thrust the drink at her.

"Who's hospitable?"

Jim turned his smile on him. "I am. Let's eat shall we?" The captain winked at Christine and he had a sudden bad feeling that their conversation had involved him in some way. Damn, with friends like Kirk, who needed enemies?

Dinner proceeded in the usual way. Thankfully Jim had sat him next to Sulu, and the man was quite happy to talk about his wife and daughter with minimum input from him. His eyes kept straying to the nurse who sat opposite, clearly being bored to tears by Chekov but far to kind to say so. She looked like she needed rescuing. He leaned across to Scott, who had joined their conversation.

"I think Ensign Chekov is attempting to convince Nurse Chapel that your transporter upgrades are going to be complete in a few hours."

"Not much chance of that." Scotty frowned at him and then turned to Chekov. "That's not right lad."

He was amused by the relief on Chapel's face as she turned and began talking to Uhura. He focused again on Sulu, questioning on the healing of his burns, but their conversation was short-lived.

"Nurse Chapel." Jim said loudly next to him. "Tell us how you've been getting on since you got here."

The woman blushed, clearly not comfortable at being the centre of attention. That surprised him – surely a woman like her would be used to it?

"Fine. The nurses are all doing well." Her voice was calm and sure, despite her discomfort.

"So I've heard. They all seem to like you." Jim smiled at her. Well that was true – they clearly did. Only with their strong approval would she have been able to perform the wonders that she had in sickbay. It was a veritable miracle – and it hadn't gone unnoticed. "I'm glad to see you haven't let Bones bully you. How do you find him as your CMO? Not too ill-tempered?"

Damn it. He kept his eyes fixed on the table and promised himself that the next time the captain came for a hypospray it was going to hurt.

"He is a perfectionist." She said slowly. "But a very good doctor." Her words came as a surprise – he would have expected her to take the opportunity to publicly humiliate him. He probably deserved it too.

"Hear hear." Said Scotty loudly. "Got us out of a few tight spots he has. That one where half the crew was infected with that nasty virus was a corker – Spock's ears turned blue, do you remember? Blue ears!"

He took the opportunity to glance at Chapel, the rest of the conversation going far over his head. She was smiling at the Vulcan, the candlelight lighting up her face and hair so she looked positively angelic. He didn't miss the irony.

The conversation had turned back to small groups and he turned to the captain next to him.

"That was subtle."

Jim grinned at him. "I was asking a simple question."

"It could have waited until after dinner."

"Why? Have you done something to be ashamed about?"

Damn him. "No – but you might have embarrassed her. Especially if she was having second thoughts about coming here and was going to speak to you about it."

Kirk frowned. "I didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't."

Jim's eyes were on her face. "She's extraordinary though, isn't she? She was always the nicest person I knew – even when she was a teenager."

He frowned. He hoped that Jim wasn't falling for her. "She's fine. Perhaps you should stop obsessing over her, since she's clearly not interested, and focus on more important things."

Jim frowned. "Like my decision?"

"Exactly."

"Well I've made it." He raised his eyebrows and Jim chuckled. "I think I'll announce it." McCoy sighed. He was always the one for drama.

He tapped his glass. "As some of you know, in a few hours we will be entering Klingon space in an attempt to find an essential probe which StarFleet believes has drifted into their territory. We of course aim for this to be a peaceful and straightforward retrieval mission;" Because that was likely… "However, the Klingon people are not particularly enthralled with the Federation at the moment, and we will be standing at Amber alert as soon as we enter their space. May I therefore take this opportunity to say that I am grateful to have a crew as talented as dedicated as you. I have no doubt that through your abilities and commitment we will be able to complete this mission as we complete all our others. Therefore may I raise my glass to the crew of the Enterprise." Bone's smiled dryly. He wondered how much of that speech the captain had pre-planned.

They all rose their glasses. "The Enterprise." His eyes were drawn back to Chapel, and for a second she met his. He suddenly couldn't breathe. She was looking at him like she was assessing his soul and he couldn't break her gaze. He wasn't sure if he wanted to. Then she was moving, turning to address Uhura, and the spell was broken. He stood and turned his back on her quickly, heart pounding in his chest. What the hell was that?

"Something wrong?" Jim asked dryly. He hoped that he hadn't noticed anything. Sometimes the captain was surprisingly perceptive.

"Other than the fact you're torturing me by being here?" He hoped the acidity in his voice covered up anything else.

Jim put a hand on his shoulder. "You're worried about tomorrow."

That was a good a cover as any. "I've got a sickbay I need to prepare. Who knows how we're going to cope if we get into something really bad."

"I take it you didn't attend Chapel's meeting on emergency protocols. I thought she asked all the medical staff to be there?"

He frowned. He'd forgotten about that meeting. Damn it – why hadn't she reminded him? "How do you know about the meeting?"

"I'm the captain. I've got eyes and ears everywhere." He grinned. "Right now I fully intend to use them some more." He watched as the man headed towards Chapel and Uhura. Good grief. He needed another drink.

As much as he intended to, he couldn't stop watching her. What the hell was wrong with him? He wasn't some boy to be swayed by a pretty face. He was a professional, a doctor no less, and was fully in control of his emotions. To prove this to himself he went to join Jim.

"I wonder why I liked you so much, really." Chapel was saying.

"I'm sure it was his big blue eyes and boyish smile." He sarcastically suggested.

"No, it was my undying love and devotion that did it." Jim was smiling at her. "Do you remember when I ran away to your house to proclaim my love?"

Oh hell. Please say he hadn't done that. Christine smiled at him. "You were nine and tried to start a fight with my boyfriend." Apparently he had. Some things never changed. "You never did tell me how you managed to travel three hundred miles with no money."

"You probably don't want to know."

"No I probably don't. You were very sweet though."

"And your boyfriend was an idiot – even an eleven year old could see that. Whatever happened to him?"

"He joined Starfleet. He was killed on the _Gallant_ eight years ago." Her voice was light, emotionless, and it surprised him.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that." Kirk said sincerely. "I was about your mother too." He saw her stiffen but her face remained blank. Damn, she was good at hiding how she felt.

"I got your message. I didn't think you would remember us."

"It would have been hard to forget you." He touched her arm. The personal gesture annoyed him more than was probably reasonable. "Your mum always looked out for me. And you did stop me being sent to Mars."

"So she's the one we should blame?" He said it without thinking.

"Or thank, Bones. You know, _some _people think it makes me a good captain." He frowned but didn't trust himself to reply. "Now please excuse me. Chekov's been looking at me for the last few minutes and I'd hate for him to spontaneously combust." He squeezed her arm again, and McCoy tried not to look, and tried harder to shut off what he felt. Damn it.

"How often does the Captain usually have these get-togethers?" Chapel asked him politely. Her face was calm and closed. He wasn't sure what she was feeling, but he was pretty sure it didn't match what he was. Lucky her.

"About once a month. He likes playing host - thinks it improves staff dynamic."

"And you don't?"

"I think the best way to get to know someone isn't through small talk." He answered honestly.

"Then how?"

"You work together." She frowned at him. "You disagree?" Of course she did. "I suppose you think that having deep and meaningful conversations is more important. You like to see people's souls." Damn it. He hadn't meant to say that.

"I don't ask to see anyone's soul. But you're right – I do like to talk to people. There's only so much you can find out about someone by working with them."

"I suppose it's the nurse in you." He said under his breath.

Her eyes were icy when she met his. He'd managed to offend her, it would seem. "I'm sure that as a doctor you understand the importance of speaking to people, Doctor McCoy. Many illnesses don't present as physical symptoms – and it is only through deep conversation that you can elicit the problem."

"That is different." He argued.

"Really? You think that people will talk to you just because you're a doctor and demand it?" Her eyes were cold and her voice had a definite edge in it. For a moment he thought she was really going to speak her mind for once, but she pulled back, and her eyes were once again blank, her voice calm and business-like. "What I'm trying to say is that since you are in charge of both the physical and mental health of this crew, you of all people should know how important it is to build a relationship with people – and that requires talking to them, not just in consultation." He searched her face, trying to establish what she was feeling, but came up with nothing. "Excuse me doctor, but I'm tired and am in early tomorrow. Good night."

He nodded. He was hardly going to keep her here again her will. "Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

He watched her leave.

"What did you say to her?" Uhura asked, standing beside him and frowning.

"The wrong thing, I imagine." Damn, damn, damn…


	9. Chapter 5 Red Alert Christine

_Ok – here's my favourite chapter so far. This is the chapter where McCoy and Christine become the formidable and extraordinary McCoy and Chapel team. We find out much more about our two main characters too. Hope you all enjoy it – please review and let me know. Thanks again for reading._

5. Red Alert - Christine

Christine slept badly that night and woke up several times. The nightmares were back again in full force and she felt nauseous by the time she finally gave in and got up. With trembling hands she poured herself coffee, and had just began to formulate the lists for the day when her comm. buzzed.

"Nurse Chapel, we have a subspace communication for you." A voice told her.

"Patch it through."

She flicked on the computer and a face filled its screen. "Captain Simmonds!"

"Christine. It's good to see your face again."

"And yours sir. How is the _Venture_?"

"Bereft since you left us. How is the _Enterprise_?"

She searched for a word. "Busy sir. But an enjoyable challenge."

"I'm sure. Well, I suppose you must be wondering why I am calling."

"Yes sir."

"I wanted to let you know now that the court ruled yesterday on the Korby case." She felt the smile on her face freeze. "He's been sentenced to five years, but based on some supposed future contribution to science most of them will be carried out under house arrest and as a suspended sentence."

"I see."

He was looking at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Christine, I really am. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thank you sir. I appreciate it."

"Look after yourself. Simmonds out."

The screen switched off and she sat stunned for a moment. The nausea had grown worse and she had to lower her head to ward off its waves. Roger Korby was a name she had tried not to think of for some time. He had been her professor, her mentor, and her lover. She had given up everything for him and he had betrayed her in the worse possible way. And yet he got nothing for all the pain and damage he caused except a tap on the knuckles. She felt ill.

After a few minutes deep breathing she had reigned in her emotions enough to go back to the task at hand. Her eyes were drawn back to the name at the top of the list. Doctor Leonard McCoy. The biggest problem in her life right now. What was she going to do about him? She remembered back to the previous night and her sense of nausea returned. Please _please_ say she was mistaken. She couldn't be dealing with feelings of attraction towards anyone right now, let alone a man that she barely liked as a person. It was like Roger - only worse. She felt both horrified and terrified simultaneously.

As she tried to work on a plan of action her panic was replaced with a sense of growing anger. Damn him. She had just started to settle in to life on board this ship – she was bringing order, making friends, building a life. She did not need feelings for her CMO to complicate matters.

Lost in reflection, she realised that she was far later than she would usually be. She walked to the sickbay and attempted to dampen down her thoughts, but the news about Roger and the poor night's sleep made it near impossible. She hoped that a few minutes peace once she reached the sickbay would be all she needed to bring her back to herself and maintain her professionalism – but it wasn't meant to be. She found Nurse Temple in tears and the other nurses crowding around her in an attempt to tell their part. It took her ten minutes to get the entire story, by which point her patience had almost run out. She set the nurses about their tasks in an attempt to compose herself, but it didn't work. In near fury she knocked on the Doctor's door and entered without waiting on an answer.

"Nurse Chapel?" He looked up from a PADD frowning.

She struggled to keep her voice calm. "Perhaps you could explain to me _Doctor_ McCoy, why I entered the sickbay this morning to find Nurse Temple crying and my staff in disarray?"

He stood up, scowling at her, arms crossed defensively across himself. "Perhaps you could tell _me_ why Temple is an idiot?"

"That is not an answer, Doctor." She was furious now. He' "Perhaps you will do better with this one. Whose job is it to discipline the nurses?" He made no answer. "Allow me to assist you. I believe it is under my remit. So would you like to explain why are you shouting at my nurses?"

"_Your_ nurses? Damn it woman, this is my sickbay and they are _my_ staff."

"I am their superior officer, Doctor. If you have a problem with their behaviour you will pass it on to me and I will deal with it. Is that understood?"

He took a step closer, eyes blazing. "Understood? Who the hell do you think you are speaking to? If you had done your job properly I would not have had to shout at her. Are _your_ nurses so poorly trained that they are unable to equip a damn surgical table properly?"

"If you had read the report I sent you _three days ago_ you perhaps would have realised that the nurses were following new Starfleet protocol on streamlining the sickbay."

"Well why the hell didn't she say so?"

"Perhaps because you were screaming at her like an animal and she couldn't get a word in edgeways? I understand you think that you are far better than me doctor, but you could at least do me the courtesy of reading the mail I send you."

His response was cut off when the Captain's voice echoed across the Comm. "All hands, brace for impact."

They had no time to prepare. She was thrown against him as the ship lurched, the sound of an explosion all around them. The doctor pulled her face into his chest and her back against the wall as they were hit by debris from the office. Just as she had started to breathe again, there was another impact. He was crushed against her and she could feel the chair slam into his back as the lights went out and the emergency lighting came on.

"Damn it Jim."She heard McCoy exclaim from her side. He pulled himself off her and onto his feet as the room shone red. "Are you all right?" He gave her a hand up and unconsciously pushed a strand of hair from her face, eyes full on concern. He didn't have time to wait for an answer. They could both already hear the shouts coming from outside. He moved to the door.

Something in Christine froze. All this had happened before – the red lights and the screams and the dying. She couldn't move as the images assaulted her eyes – Nadia, her best friend, decapitated, Fred killed as the hull collapsed – climbing over the bodies as she tried to keep her group together and the screaming – so much screaming. There was a voice from afar off but she couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Then she felt a warm hand on her cheek and gentle eyes on hers.

"Christine. I need you now." His use of her first name snapped her out like nothing else could have. The bands lifted from around her chest and she could see again.

"Ok." She murmured, eyes still on his. "Let's go."

Pandemonium faced them outside. The lighting was still out, and several of the nurses were tackling fires, smoke making it hard to see. An electric cable was hanging down, spitting out, and equipment littered the floor. Somehow she went into her emergency mode.

"Shout in, nurses." She listened to their voices and checked off the register in her head. "Is anyone hurt?"

"No, Nurse Chapel."

"Good. Temple, get the power for that cable localised and switched off and get on that extractor fan switched on. Campbell, I'm putting you in charge of initial assessments and triage – take Hylara and Ffoyd. Kier, prep a surgical bay. Ogiri, contact Doctors Zuvolt and Seams and get the rest of the night shift in. The rest of you tidy up and follow protocol."

The Doctor was on the comm. to the bridge. She began to clear the sickbay of any patients that were dischargeable ready for incoming. Within two minutes the first crew members were walking, or being carried in.

They worked like demons as the ship was hit by several more blasts. She had to grab Hylara's leg at one point to stop her being thrown across the room, and she was hit in the face several times by equipment as it went flying. She assisted McCoy in any way she could as he treated the most seriously injured – those that were unconscious, with lost limbs and gaping wounds or large burns. He shouted orders as his hands whirled, never trembling or hesitating as he pulled out a chunks of debris, blood splattering his apron, as ran scans and performed complex procedures to save the crewmen's lives. She comforted the distress of the patient's as best she could, and kept a careful eye on the other staff, as she administered drugs and handed tools to the doctor. They couldn't save three, and the doctor's eyes were hard as they pulled the sheet over faces, but for every life lost there were three he brought back from the brink of death, face shining with victory as he grinned at her and she grinned back.

It took three hours to stabilise the most seriously injured, and another five to treat those with other severe wounds. The other nurses and doctors had worked hard patched up and sent back anyone they could. She sent those she could spare to get some rest ready to pull in a later shift, and others to get something to eat. It took twelve hours to finally bring order to the sickbay, but eventually all grew quiet except for the gentle beeps of monitors. She performed her final checks, and looked for McCoy to see if there was anything else to do. The door was open to his office.

He was sitting at his desk, eyes shut and head leaning back, hands wrapped around a glass.

"Come in Chapel, and shut the door." He ordered her.

She obediently did as he asked, and examined him as she picked up a fallen chair and sat down opposite. His face was dirty and blood streaked and there were cuts down his neck and arms. She also noticed with some surprise that his hands were shaking.

"I hate being in space almost as much as I hate flying on a starship." He commented, eyes meeting hers and taking a swallow of whatever was in that glass. She noticed that there was already a filled glass in front of her. "Drink up Chapel – its synthenol. Damn Federation take the joy out of everything."

She took a sip of the fluid. It burnt as it went down. "I hate to tell you this doctor, but Starfleet operates in space. And on starships too." She smiled at him as he rolled his eyes. He had piqued her interest and she wanted to talk about anything except what they had just been through. "Why would you join Starfleet if you hate it?"

He snorted. "My ex-wife left me with nothing except my bones and a broken heart. After a few days of drinking myself to the ground it seemed like a good idea – damned idiot that I was." He grimaced ironically, hands still shaking. "I'm just a country doctor – I'm not designed for situations like these."

She remembered him massaging an engineer's heart through the gaping wound in his open chest with his steady hands as he shouted commands to her on how to save his life. She had never met a person better designed for the sort of situation they had just found themselves in than him. He had fought for every life with every inch of his being – it was the best and most admirable thing she had ever seen.

"I'm sure there are several crew right now that disagree with you there." She told him honestly.

"Doesn't help the families of the ones we lost though, does it?" So that was the problem. It didn't surprise her. She realised now that he was the sort of person who would hold himself responsible for anyone he couldn't save. "Damn, I'm not some hero like Jim, or an unfeeling Vulcan. I spent half my time aboard this ship scared to death." He leant back again and shut his eyes.

She wondered why he was talking to her about this now. Was it in response to their earlier argument, or the work they had just done, or worse, the fact that she had frozen during an emergency? Or was he just trying to show he was a human being after all?

"Nurse Chapel, may I ask you a question?"

And here was her answer. She wouldn't blame him if he questioned her ability. She probably was going to deserve anything he gave her. She should have been in better control of herself.

"Yes sir."

"Why aren't you a doctor?"

She stared at him. It was the last question she had been expecting and she didn't know what to make of it. Was he criticising her profession, or was he praising her ability? She imagined it was probably the former.

"Is there something wrong with being a nurse, Doctor?"

"None. And you're a hell of a good one." The compliment confused her almost as much as the question. "But you clearly have the ability to be more than that."

She sighed. It hadn't been the first time someone had pointed that out to her. She wondered what to say. She supposed that since he was honest with her about himself, she owed him the same courtesy. "You know, I wanted to be a doctor since I was a little girl. Did the Captain tell you my father was CMO of the _USS Kelvin_?" The man shook his head. "It was how our parents met. He was killed during the first _Narada_ incident trying to evacuate some of the trapped on the upper decks. I was seven." She remembered her mother hurrying her along the corridors to an escape pod weeping, screams and the smell of burning flesh around them. "After that my mother refused to fly – even on just a transport – and so I was grounded in Iowa. I completed a few degrees before eighteen in subjects that interested me, but medicine was really all I wanted to do. I was accepted to medical school on Icarus. However, then my mother got sick, and I couldn't leave her – so I decided to become a nurse so I could better look after her and because I could study mostly from home."

There was a gentle look in his eyes. "What did your mother suffer from?"

She tried to harden herself to it. "A rare neurodegenerative disease. It progressed over three years. Her dementia was so severe by the end that her death was almost a relief." She was surprised she had told him that. The memory made her shudder. It had been agony for her to care for her mother when she hadn't recognised her and had cried everyday for her father who was never going to come.

"I see." She doubted he did.

"After my mother died I was offered a place on a research expedition to Reijel Three. I just wanted to get away."

He nodded. "Is that why you joined Starfleet?"

"No – I still had my heart set on medical school." She smiled sadly. "But then I gave it to someone else." Her heart ached with that thought. "He went missing three weeks after we became engaged and joining Starfleet seemed like the only way I could find him. I figured that if I was serving on a ship I would at least hear what was going on in the galaxy, and maybe something could give me a clue to where he was. It was silly really, but I couldn't believe he was dead."

She saw something behind the Doctor's eyes. It looked like pity. She didn't want it. "Did you ever find him?" He asked her.

"Oh yes. Against all the odds, I found him." She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice and was glad she didn't ask her any more about it. After everything else, the last thing she needed was to cry in front of him. "After I finished my tour with the _Venture_ I joined the medical program with Starfleet. However, then all hell broke loose with the _Narada_, and you lost your head nurse, so it was decided that I would be more useful here." She took a deep drink from the glass and shuddered. "And that is why I am not a doctor."

He was watching her with those eyes again. "It's Starfleet's loss." He gave her a half smile and her stomach lurched. She forcibly told it to behave itself.

"I learnt a long time ago that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I'll be the best I can be with what I've got."

The Doctor's eyebrows quirked up. "Is that what you're doing now? Making lemonade?"

She smiled at him and rose her glass. "This is a little stronger than lemonade."

He rose his glass too. "To joining Starfleet for all the wrong reasons."

She grinned. "To Starfleet."

The downed the drink and sat in comfortable silence. She studied him openly, taking in his battered face, the circles around his eyes and the beginnings of a shadow around his chin. He was attractive in a way she found appealing – a beauty formed from hard work. She met his eyes and found there was a vulnerability in them she hadn't noticed before. Or perhaps simply he hadn't shown it to her. She felt a sudden urge to wrap her arms around him, to wipe his face and to calm his shaking hands within her own. But that of course would have been completely inappropriate. Instead she said:

"You know Doctor, I think you have your definition of hero wrong. A hero isn't someone who looks for adventure, or feels no fear. It's the person who, although terrified, gets on with their job because they realise how important what they do is to the people around them."

He looked at her for a moment, then opened his mouth to speak as there was a knock at the door.

"I'm not interrupting am I?" The captain commented, entering the office with a knowing grin, and seemingly already aware of the answer. "Damn Bones, you look terrible."

"So do you Jim." The doctor was looking him up and down, hands already reaching for his scanner. "Why did it take so long for you to get down here?"

"Turns out the Klingons tend to be a bit poetic. Who would have thought? It's taken me this long to arrange a ceasefire. Poor Uhura's dead on her feet. Spock isn't going to be thanking me tonight."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Get on the bed." He pushed him towards his couch – the one she assumed he used for patients requiring more privacy than usual, but had began to suspect he also slept on – feet crunching on broken PADDs on the floor.

"Do you need my help Doctor?" She offered.

"No thank you nurse. Go get some sleep." She stood up but was stopped by his hand on her arm. "Don't forget this, Chapel."

He handed her a hypospray, and she was surprised to see it was a mild sedative. How had he known?

"Thank you doctor. Goodnight."

"Night Christine." Jim smiled from the bed.

She smiled at them - the captain, and the remarkable, complicated, frustrating, beautiful man that was her CMO; then left.


	10. Chapter 5 Red Alert McCoy

5. Red Alert – McCoy

Sleep remained elusive for McCoy that night. He returned to the sickbay in the hope that if he couldn't sleep he could work, but found he was unable to focus on that either. He paced his office and tried to identify the cause of his disordered thoughts. Unfortunately, he had some idea what it was, and that didn't make things any easier. He was worried. They had entered Klingon territory, and he was not sure this sickbay was prepared for a large incident. He was not sure if _he_ was ready for a large incident. The _Narada_ disaster had affected him more deeply than he was willing to admit. When Doctor Puri had been killed and he had been forced to act as the CMO he had done so because he had no time to think and no choice. But now he had time and he was permanently terrified that he would let them down – that their blood would be on his hands and he would be unable to save them. They were always just a step away from one new virus that he couldn't cure, or one large disaster where his two hands would not be enough. How would he be able to face the accusing eyes of their families? How would he be able to face himself?

Then there was Chapel, who, just when he thought that no one could make him feel any worse about himself, waltzed in and made him feel like the devil incarnate. Usually he wouldn't have cared – he was sure that plenty of people thought that of him, including his ex-wife - but part of him wanted her to approve of him, to like him. He wanted her to think he was a good person, because if she did, perhaps he would be able to believe it himself. Unfortunately, that was about as likely as Jim keeping out of trouble for a month.

Eventually exhaustion overtook him, and he fell asleep on his couch. The sound of voices woke him a few hours later and suggested that the shift had changed. He blearily wiped his eyes, showered and changed into his uniform, and went to prepare the sickbay as the monitors on the wall assured him they were at amber alert. He looked around for Chapel, and was disturbed to find her missing from her normal position at her desk. While her shift hadn't technically started, he had grown used to her being there at least an hour early to supervise the handover. He knew that he had upset her last night, but he had not expected her to be someone to take her hurt out by punishing him professionally. There had to be another reason. He hoped there was.

As the minutes progressed he began to grow increasingly frustrated at her absence. Did she not see the alert? What sort of head nurse wasn't there at a time like this? His frustration began to overflow into anger as he found himself growing increasingly jittery. He snapped at the nurses for minor things, and made Nurse Temple cry when he saw that the surgical table she'd prepared was missing a few items. Finally, he decided to retreat to his office before he did something stupid, like storm to Chapel's quarters and ask what the hell was keeping her. He was trying to distract himself by writing a case report when there was a knock at his door. Before he could open his mouth Chapel walked in.

It wasn't hard to see that something was wrong. Her hair, as always, was neat, and her uniform without a crease, her face blank, but her eyes were dark and exhausted and furious.

"Nurse Chapel?"

Her voice was quiet and clipped. "Perhaps you could explain to me _Doctor_ McCoy, why I entered the sickbay this morning to find Nurse Temple crying and my staff in disarray?"

Damn it. She had no right to be angry. She'd been the one missing. He stood up, his frustration making him all too willing to fight this battle. "Perhaps you could tell _me_ why Temple is an idiot?"

"That is not an answer, Doctor." Her eyes were like ice. "Perhaps you will do better with this one. Whose job is it to discipline the nurses?" He made no response because they both knew the answer. "Allow me to assist you. I believe it is under my remit. So would you like to explain why are you shouting at my nurses?"

He found himself growing furious. "_Your_ nurses? Damn it woman, this is my sickbay and they are _my_ staff."

"I am their superior officer, Doctor. If you have a problem with their behaviour you will pass it on to me and I will deal with it. Is that understood?"

He took a step closer to her, her cold anger almost magnetic. "Understood? Who the hell do you think you are speaking to? If you had done your job properly I would not have had to shout at her. Are _your_ nurses so poorly trained that they are unable to equip a damn surgical table properly?"

"If you had read the report I sent you _three days ago_ you perhaps would have realised that the nurses were following new Starfleet protocol on streamlining the sickbay."

Damn it. "Well why the hell didn't she say so?"

"Perhaps because you were screaming at her like an animal and she couldn't get a word in edgeways? I understand you think that you are far better than me doctor, but you could at least do me the courtesy of reading the mail I send you." There was genuine hurt in her eyes and it dispelled his anger. He didn't think that, and it upset him to think that was what she believed.

Before he could reply Jim's voice echoed across the comm. "All hands, brace for impact."

The ship lurched before he could move and Chapel was thrown against him, knocking him backwards. There was a sound of crunching metal and shattering and he pulled her over him so her back was against the wall and her head was in his chest, protecting her from the worst of the shrapnel. He kept her close for a second, feeling her tremble, then a second blast hit, slamming his chair into his back, as the lights went out and the red emergency lighting came on.

He waited a second longer, but there were no more blasts. "Damn it Jim." He muttered distractedly, praying that his friend would be able to out-manoeuvre whoever was firing at them. He pulled himself to his feet as his back screamed in agony, then helped Chapel to hers, carefully checking her over. "Are you all right?" Her hair was dishevelled but he saw no signs of injury on her person. He tucked a strand back into place as the shouts and screams from outside drifted through the door. Damn it! There was no doubt there were some major casualties from that last blast. He moved to the door, then noticed that Chapel wasn't behind him.

Turning, he saw she was still standing where she was, eyes fixed on something beyond the room, wide with horror. "Nurse Chapel?" She made no response. "Chapel, are you all right?" Nothing. He knew what this was. Damn it, this must be her first major incident since the _Narada_ – of course she would still be dealing with the effects of that. He was an idiot for not seeing what she was feeling.

In less stressful circumstances he would have acted differently – more professionally - but right now he knew that the sickbay would not function if she wasn't there to take charge. They needed her. He needed her.

He gently took her face in his hands and tilted her head to look at him. There was agony in her eyes. He could imagine what she had seen to cause it. "Christine. I need you now." He murmured.

Somehow, it worked. He watched as her eyes focused and reached his, slowly calming as she rebuilt her walls. Right then, more then anything, he wanted to wrap his arms around her. Instead he kept his hands on her face and his eyes on hers.

"Ok." She told him, her voice quiet. "Let's go."

Chaos reigned outside. He heard Chapel shouting orders as he made for the comm.

"McCoy to the bridge."

"This is the bridge. Direct hits to engineering and deck nine, doctor. Expect heavy casualties."

"Understood."

He grabbed his medical kit as the first wounded were brought in. After that his world became his patients. Chapel worked at his side as they treated the worse hit – massive burns, ballistic traumas, partial amputations. The knowledge that she had taken charge of the sickbay helped him focus, and he worked some near-miracles as she handed him instruments and filled him with calm. They had many victories despite continued impacts, relief making him grin openly as vital signs stabilised. But he couldn't save them all. Three died – their wounds too severe for him to treat, even at his best. Calling them had been difficult, but seeing the tears Chapel's eyes had hardened him, as if she had experienced the pain for the both of them as they pulled the sheets over their still faces.

After twelve hours of blood and pain the sickbay was silent, his patients sleeping or sedated, and the events of the day caught up with him in one fatal swoop. He entered his study and slowly turned over his chair and sat down, body aching and feeling exhausted. He poured himself a drink, trying to stop the tremble in his hands. Damn, he wasn't cut out for this. After a moments thought, he poured another drink for Chapel, and leaned back and shut his eyes. Right now he did not want to be alone to brood. She shouldn't be alone either.

He heard her outside his office. "Come in Chapel, and shut the door." He asked.

He opened his eyes and watched as she obediently entered and turned over the chair opposite him. Her uniform was streaked with grime and blood, her face was dusty, but her hair had been smoothed to neatness and her hands were steady. Despite the dark circles still around her eyes, he could feel her energy - she must still feeling the adrenaline of the last few hours. Damn, she was far better at coping with this sort of thing than he was.

"I hate being in space almost as much as I hate flying on a starship." He commented, taking a sip and indicated to the glass in front of her. "Drink up Chapel – its synthenol. Damn Federation take the joy out of everything."

She took a sip and he almost smiled as she winced. It was strange to think hours ago they had been standing in here about to murder each other. Now none of it seemed to matter.

"I hate to tell you this doctor, but Starfleet operates in space. And on starships too." She smiled at him and he rolled his eyes. Of course – Jim had to get his wittiness from somewhere. "Why would you join Starfleet if you hate it?"

He snorted with little humour. "My ex-wife left me with nothing except my bones and a broken heart. After a few days of drinking myself to the ground it seemed like a good idea – damned idiot that I was. I'm just a country doctor – I'm not designed for situations like these." He really wasn't. But she was. He had watched her settle patients in extreme panic, had watched her wield tools with more ability that the other two doctors put together, hell when Raddery's chest was gaping open and he was massaging his heart, she had got onto the bed to apply stimulators to save him in a way that nobody else would have. She was the best damned nurse he had ever seen, and he knew all too well they would have lost plenty more had she not been there.

"I'm sure there are several crew right now that disagree with you there." She told him, gentleness in her face. It pulled a lump to his throat.

"Doesn't help the families of the ones we lost though, does it?" He would have to contact them, watch as their disbelief turned to anger, then mindless grief. He should have been able to save them. He couldn't. He would have to explain how he let them down, how there was nothing he could do as he questioned himself as to the truth of that statement. He didn't sign up for this. "Damn, I'm not some hero like Jim, or an unfeeling Vulcan. I spent half my time aboard this ship scared to death." He admitted to her, then lent back and shut his eyes so he didn't have to see the expression of disgust on her face. He remembered earlier, when she had frozen, clearly experiencing flashbacks. He wondered if it had happened before. How the hell the Starfleet psychiatrists had missed that she was suffering from PTSD? Eventually he would have to write her psychiatric report, just like everyone else. What the hell would he write? He realised wasn't willing to lose her now.

"Nurse Chapel, may I ask you a question?"

Her eyes were worried. She knew he would ask about it. "Yes sir."

He opened his mouth, but then stopped. What did it matter if she had initially paused? Everyone froze at sometime. The point was she had pulled herself together magnificently – it never once translated into her care of their patients, or into the way she ran the sickbay. If that hadn't been the case he should have worried – but it wasn't. She was strong, and after then things that she had done today she didn't deserve to have someone questioning the soundness of her mind. It was clearly more sound than his.

Instead he asked the other question he had been wondering for the last few hours. "Why aren't you a doctor?"

She stared at him with visible surprise, and then a slight frown. "Is there something wrong with being a nurse, Doctor?"

Damn, he hadn't meant it like that. Why did she always think he was out to offend her? "None. And you're a hell of a good one. But you clearly have the ability to be more than that." Hell, she had the ability to be a far better doctor than he was.

She gave him an appraising look, as if unsure whether to trust him. For a moment he thought that she would say nothing, or give him a curt answer, but then she sighed. "You know, I wanted to be a doctor since I was a little girl. Did the Captain tell you my father was CMO of the _USS Kelvin_?" He shook his head. He really needed to ask Jim the details of their past relationship. "It was how our parents met. He was killed during the first _Narada_ incident trying to evacuate some of the trapped on the upper decks. I was seven." Her eyes were lost for a second in old pain. "After that my mother refused to fly – even on just a transport – and so I was grounded in Iowa. I completed a few degrees before eighteen in subjects that interested me, but medicine was really all I wanted to do. I was accepted to medical school on Icarus. However, then my mother got sick, and I couldn't leave her – so I decided to become a nurse so I could better look after her and because I could study mostly from home."

So she had become a nurse to look after someone she cared about. He expected that sort of selflessness from her. "What did your mother suffer from?" He asked softly. There were few diseases these days that would require such actions.

"A rare neurodegenerative disease. It progressed over three years. Her dementia was so severe by the end that her death was almost a relief." There was real pain in her eyes. He was aware of how these diseases progressed. It must have been hell. Suddenly it all made sense – why she had read his papers, why she had questioned him about it. And there he was, thinking she had been trying to prove something. "I see."

"After my mother died I was offered a place on a research expedition to Reijel Three. I just wanted to get away."

He didn't blame her for that. "Is that why you joined Starfleet?"

He was surprised by her answer. "No – I still had my heart set on medical school." She smiled sadly. "But then I gave it to someone else. He went missing three weeks after we became engaged and joining Starfleet seemed like the only way I could find him. I figured that if I was serving on a ship I would at least hear what was going on in the galaxy, and maybe something could give me a clue to where he was. It was silly really, but I couldn't believe he was dead."

Damn it – she had put her career on hold to find the man she loved. He must have been some man, to warrant that degree of constancy and love from her. He wondered if he had deserved it.

"Did you ever find him?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Oh yes. Against all the odds, I found him." There was bitterness in her voice and he wondered what she had discovered, but found he couldn't ask. "After I finished my tour with the _Venture_ I joined the medical program with Starfleet. However, then all hell broke loose with the _Narada_, and you lost your head nurse, so it was decided that I would be more useful here." There was a deep sadness in her face. He realised that she was openly sharing her feelings with him – that she trusted him enough for that. She took a sip of her drink. "And that is why I am not a doctor." She finished.

"It's Starfleet's loss." He said honestly, and smiled at her.

She returned the smile. He loved that smiled. "I learnt a long time ago that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I'll be the best I can be with what I've got."

He was amused at that thought – mostly because he was probably a lemon. "Is that what you're doing now? Making lemonade?"

She smiled at him and rose her glass. "This is a little stronger than lemonade."

Well it would have to be. "To joining Starfleet for all the wrong reasons." He raised his own glass.

She grinned. "To Starfleet."

They downed the drink, then sat watching one another comfortably. He realised that she was, without a doubt, the most fascinating woman he had ever met.

"You know Doctor, I think you have your definition of hero wrong." He watched her in surprise. "A hero isn't someone who looks for adventure, or feels no fear. It's the person who, although terrified, gets on with their job because they realise how important what they do is to the people around them."

He stared at her. Here was a woman who had told him how she had lost everything, who never had the chance to fulfil her own potential, who was, by her own definition, a hero, but clearly unaware; and who was, insanely, trying to make him feel better about himself. He realised right then that he may have just fallen in love with her.

He opened his mouth as there was a knock at the door and a familiar voice filled the room. "I'm not interrupting am I?" He almost scowled. Yes, he damn well was interrupting. "Damn Bones, you look terrible."

He looked his friend up and down and grabbed his scanner, medicine replacing his thoughts. "So do you Jim. Why did it take so long for you to get down here?" The man's face was a mess, his uniformed tattered around the arms, and there was a suspicious looking area of dried blood around his abdomen.

"Turns out the Klingons tend to be a bit poetic. Who would have thought? It's taken me this long to arrange a ceasefire. Poor Uhura's dead on her feet. Spock isn't going to be thanking me tonight." He grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"Get on the bed." He helped him towards the couch and began to scan him.

"Do you need my help Doctor?" Chapel asked from behind.

He remembered the dark circles around her eyes. "No thank you nurse. Go get some sleep."

He heard her leaving, then realised that if she was anything like him, she was not going to be able to. "Don't forget this, Chapel."

He handed her a hypospray and she looked at him in surprise. For a moment he thought he might have offended her, but she simply nodded.

"Thank you doctor. Goodnight."

"Night Christine." Jim smiled from the bed.

The door shut, and the smile on the captain's face was replaced with a frown. "How many, Bones?"

"Three."

"Damn it." McCoy put a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder and gave him a hypospray for the pain he was undoubtedly feeling.

"Did we get the probe?" He asked.

"Yes." The Jim's eyes met his. "Yes we got it. But what a cost."


	11. Chapter 6 Away Mission Christine

_This chapter needs little introduction – but I'd definitely like to know what you make of it. Thanks for reading everyone._

6. Away Mission - Christine

The computer's voice woke her, and she opened her eyes with surprise. This was the first time in a long time that Christine had slept through the night. She supposed the sedatives had helped. So had the memory of warm hands on her face and a gentle voice saying her name. She lay back and sighed. This was definitely not good. She pushed the feelings to a deep dark place and hoped that they would never surface. It was going to be an awfully long five years if she continued to be attracted to a man she could never have and who would never want her. It was best to rid herself of these feelings now while they were new and superficial. A small voice told her that it had been a long time since someone had been able to elicit such emotion from her, and nobody before had been able to do so in such a short amount of time, not even Roger. Well, she reasoned, most of the emotions were not exactly positive.

Something good had come of her new found feelings though, she allowed herself to acknowledge, as she showered and dressed and sat at her desk with her croissant. This time when she wrote his name on the top of her things to do list, she knew exactly what she would do.

"Nurse Chapel?" The time had gone quickly with the sickbay full, and she stood at his door at the end of her shift regarding him her from her lofty position.

"Doctor." She took a seat in front of him and attempted to look at ease, hands relaxed in her lap.

He was frowning at her over a PADD. He looked tired – the patients had kept him busy today.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Well, here she went. At worse he would shout at her. Probably. "Actually doctor, I was wondering if there was anything I could help you with?"

He stared at her blankly. "Help me with?"

"Yes sir. You see, it seems to me that you spend large amounts of time on the bridge, and treating the sick, and it doesn't leave you with much time for paperwork." She indicated to the pile of PADDs stacked to the side. "So I was wondering if I could help you with it."

He was still staring at her. "You're shift has ended, has it not, Nurse Chapel?" He asked slowly.

"I believe that yours also has, Doctor." She pointed out. She wondered if the man ever slept. She had seen no evidence of it.

He sighed. "Let me check I have got this correct. Are you telling me that you want to act as… as some sort of secretary for me?"

"No sir. I'm saying that your stress affects this whole department, and I would like to help relieve some of it." She told him frankly.

He stared at her for breathless second, then his lips quirked up and she felt her heart leap. "You really would do anything for peace in this sickbay, wouldn't you Chapel?"

"Almost anything sir." She smiled at him, relieved that he understood what she was offering and wasn't offended at her suggestion.

"And you're willing to stay after your shift to help me with it?"

"Yes doctor, if you will allow me."

"I'd be a fool not to."

He indicated to a pile of PADDs and together they began to work through personnel reports.

Relative peace ensued for the next six weeks. Most evenings they sat together for several hours working through whatever needed doing – sometimes reports, sometimes new research articles or papers that the doctor planned to publish. Christine found herself looking forward to the time each day, and cursed herself for it. Not that it wasn't always professional – he still called her Nurse, she called him Doctor, and they rarely discussed anything except work. However occasionally, when she wasn't meeting Uhuru or Sulu, and when the captain was on an away mission, he would pour them both a drink and they would talk about other things – the running of the sickbay, or xenobiology, or research projects they had worked on. They usually clashed at some point during this, but it was never in the aggressive way it had been in the past, and in fact she began to enjoy it – her logic against his passion. He began to listen to her too – he would ask her opinion in the sickbay – something that caused the other nurses to stare at him like he had grown another head, and began teaching her medical principles and testing and improving her working knowledge. Her love of learning kicked back in and she began to spend her spare time reading medical journals and learning new procedures. He pushed her hard but she enjoyed the challenge. She found that she was beginning to love her job again.

It would have all been perfect, had she not been growing more and more attracted to the doctor, despite every attempt at repression. She began to understand him better, and saw that Uhura was right – he did have a heart of gold underneath that gruff exterior. His actions belied all his hard, and sometimes angry words. He treated his patients with a stern gentleness – reproaching them loudly but then quietly going out of his way to help them. She had seen it first hand with Nurse Ogiri. The doctor and the nurse had never got on well – in fact he usually referred to her as 'The Floozy' when they discussed their staff. However, the nurse's partner had been seriously injured on service on a deep space station, and she had been inconsolable. Six hours later, the doctor had discovered some 'urgent' medical supplies that were required at the space station, and had convinced the captain to make a detour on their current journey. When Christine had questioned him about it, he had merely shrugged, and said that he didn't want to have to deal with the stress of hiring another nurse. She knew better.

"You seem to be spending an awful lot of time with Doctor McCoy." Gaila commented archly one night as she arrived late to their meeting in the Orion's quarters after helping him finish a report on Andorian neurophysiology.

"It's part of my job." She replied, sitting down before them and trying not to blush.

Uhura gave her a knowing look. "This much time out of hours is not part of your job."

Christine shrugged. "Perhaps not, but it is a necessity if I want a sickbay running properly and the doctor not walking around like a wounded Klingon."

Gaila giggled at her imagery. "He_ is_ handsome though. I wouldn't mind spending all those hours with him if he turned his anger into something more productive…"

Christine tried in vain to remove that thought from her mind. "Doctor McCoy is a professional Gaila, and so am I."

Uhura looked at her curiously. "You know professionals can still have relationships. Not that I'm saying that you should have one with McCoy – I personally think that you're much too nice for him-."

"You can't be too nice for someone." Gaila argued. "I think they'd be good together. They'd be no different from you and Spock. You're a paired contradiction."

"Spock and I are not a contradiction."

"Really – because you seem like total opposites to me." Uhura glared at her and the Orion giggled. "Anyhow – why not you and the doctor? You clearly like each other's company or you wouldn't spend so much time together."

"We spend the time together working!" She repeated in protestation.

"You know there's a fine line…" She glanced at her face and stopped. "Seriously Christine. Other than the fact that the man's a bit of a bear, why not?"

"Please don't go there Gaila." She started, but now Uhura was looking at her curiously.

She had written a list of the many reasons why she shouldn't even look at the doctor. She often had to repeat to herself when he looked at her with those eyes and that smile. "He's my commanding officer and it would be against regulation for a start." She began.

"_Please_ – look at Uhura and Spock." The Orion protested.

Christine turned to Uhura. "You're different. You might work together, but he's only your commanding officer when the captain is off-ship. Doctor McCoy is always my commanding officer." The doctor had explained a few weeks ago how the Vulcan and woman were 'legitimately' allowed to be together. Although they worked directly with one another, a loophole the Vulcan found showed that if they were only together off duty, and didn't see each other when he was acting-captain, they were technically not doing anything illicit. Christine had been more shocked that the Vulcan had found a loophole in the first place, a fact that convinced her of his love for Uhura. Most Vulcan's she knew would have said that there were reasons why such regulations were in place and followed them to the letter.

"I'm sure they'd be a loophole around that." Gaila said with confidence.

"Perhaps, but there won't be one in the medical regulations. You are aware that the doctor is the only person on the ship who can relieve anyone on duty on medical grounds?"

"Of course." They were looking at her with interest.

"Well I'm the only person on this ship who can remove him from duty."

"I see." Uhura said slowly. "So if you were together, it would be seen as a conflict of interest?"

"Certainly, yes."

"Jeez."

Christine tried to smile. It seemed even worse saying it aloud. "It's fine though. I have no intention of starting a relationship with anyone, and I can't imagine that the doctor would be interested in me."

Gaila and Uhura exchanged a look. "When was the last time you even went on a date?"

She tried to think.

Gaila was staring at her with wide-eyes. "The fact that it takes you so long to answer says to me that it must have before you joined the ship."

"Definitely."

"So how long ago?" Uhura was smiling kindly. "Three months? Four?"

Christine blushed. "More like four years."

"What?" Gaila's outrage actually made her laugh. "Four years? But why? You're beautiful!"

"Thank you." She replied with some amusement.

Uhura turned her brown eyes on her. "Seriously. Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't really have a good history with relationships. After my last one blew up I decided I didn't want that part of my life anymore. My job is enough for me."

"Your job won't keep you warm at night." Uhura pointed out. Christine had guessed she wouldn't understand. After all, here was a woman who had risked her career and a court martial to be with the man she loved. She shrugged her response.

Gaila was shaking her head. "Humans make love so complicated. Still… at least I have a project now." She grinned brightly at Christine, and Uhura laughed.

"Don't even think about it, Gaila." She frowned at the Orion. "I don't need anyone's interference thank you. Besides, I thought your project was Scotty?"

They spent the rest of the evening laughing at the woman's ridiculous plans to seduce the chief engineer, and the complexities of a relationship with a Vulcan.

The following morning McCoy was waiting for her when she entered sickbay.

She smiled at him as she picked up a pile of PADDs from her desk. "Did you need something doctor?" He was usually in his office at this time of day.

"There's a briefing for an away mission in fifteen minutes, Nurse Chapel. I would like you to join me."

She stared, and then couldn't stop the grin coming to her lips. _Finally_ she got to go on an away mission. The excitement bubbled in her chest and she tried to keep it out of her voice. "Yes, sir."

He gave her a look that said he had seen through her emotions was clearly unimpressed with her enthusiasm. Nevertheless, ten minutes later she had put Nurse Temple in charge and they were walking towards the ready room with their medical kits.

The captain showed no surprise at her presence, and she wondered if he was the one who had requested that the doctor bring her. A five-man security detail were already there, as was Commander Spock.

"Right, now that we're all here I'll keep this quick." The captain told them after they had all sat down. "A week ago a transport destined for Adigeon Prime went missing on route from Kabrel II. It was carrying sixty people – men, women and children. We believe that the transport was thrown off-route by an ion storm, and may have come down on one of the planets in the Trejanic system. We are currently orbiting the largest M-class planet, and will take a ship to look for survivors."

She saw one of the security staff frown. "A ship, sir?"

"There is a strong magnetic field around the planet that impedes transporter travel." Commander Spock clarified.

"Well there's a stroke of luck." She heard the doctor mutter and she tried not to smile.

"This is a previously uncharted planet, so be on alert." The captain continued. "Scans are unable to penetrate the magnetic field, so we are unsure as to the challenges we may face on the surface. Any questions?" The rooms was silent. "Good. We will reconvene in the docking bay in fifteen minutes. Dismissed."

As the other crew stood up, she turned to the doctor who was frowning to himself. "Are we expecting survivors, sir?" She needed to ask the question. She had to prepare herself.

He appraised her with steady eyes. "It all depends, Nurse Chapel. The damage from the ion storm was probably extensive, or they wouldn't have crashed landed, but Spock has reliably informed me that the magnetic field may have acted to help to buffer the entry onto the planet."

"So if they survived the storm, they probably would have survived the crash landing?" She surmised.

His lips quirked up. "If they're lucky. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir."

The captain and Commander Spock joined them.

"Do we have any better idea what the terrain is like?" The doctor asked as they stood up.

"Ensign Chekov has recently been able to penetrate the magnetic field with some success." Commander Spock told them. "The planet appears to be desert based, with some areas of oasis-like vegetation. I recommend we land the ship at one of these locations. If there are any survivors, they will have made finding water a priority."

"Agreed Mister Spock. Calculate the likeliest oasis based on the transport's trajectory and we'll set down there."

"Yes sir."

The made their way down to the docking bay and Christine couldn't help but smile at the party. Kirk was walking with a spring in his step and in his enthusiasm she almost expected him to start whistling. Spock's face was blank and he was clearly deep in thought – calculations probably; and the doctor was frowning and checking, and rechecking his medical pack.

"I packed it before we left, doctor. It's complete." She commented as the captain chuckled.

"So you say." Was the gruff response as scowled at her and she frowned.

"Bone's doesn't like away missions." Jim explained.

"No one likes away missions after being on a few with you. I've had enough crash landings, attempted murders and hand-to-hand combat to last me a lifetime."

"Don't be a spoil-sport Bones. You'll scare Chapel."

"I doubt it." He shot her a look of concern that belied his words.

"This is your first away mission with us, isn't it Christine?" The captain smiled at her.

"Yes sir."

"Well stay close. I'll keep an eye on you."

She smiled at him. She could imagine exactly where his eyes would be. "Thank you sir, but I have two very good eyes of my own. You'll need yours to find survivors."

"Very true." Jim said solemnly, but she could see the laughter behind his eyes.

Spock had already started up the ship. They boarded and strapped themselves in. She took the seat next to the doctor and noticed that his knuckles were white and his hands were shaking.

"Are you all right?" She asked him gently.

"No." He replied curtly, then lent back and shut his eyes. "Tell me when we're there."

Spock was an excellent pilot, and they took off steadily, but there was a large amount of turbulence as they entered the atmosphere and met the magnetic field. She could hear the captain and Spock having a murmured conversation in the front - clearly they'd hit a minor problem - and then they were through it and easing down to the surface.

She leaned over the doctor and stared out the window with fascination. The surface was largely a red desert – littered with huge rock formations and was bare of any foliage. It reminded her of monument valley and it took her breath away.

"You should look, doctor. It's beautiful." She murmured and put a hand on his arm.

The man's eyes flickered open and his lips quirked into a smile as he gazed out of the window. "So it is."

They were heading towards the only patch of green she could see, a strange blip on the otherwise uniform surface. Spock landed the ship seamlessly between the trees, and she removed her belt, smiling at the enthusiasm of the security team and the clear relief on her CMO's face.

The three senior officers began to scan the area with their tricorders, the security staff stood around looking menacing, and she examined the foliage for signs of insect life.

"Over here." She heard the captain shout, and hurried to join him. He was examining what looked like a series of bloody footprints, leading out into the desert.

"They appear to be humanoid." Spock told them.

"Well let's follow them and see what we find." Kirk decided. He ordered two of the security staff to remain with the ship, and they set off into the desert.

The amount of blood in the footsteps grew with each passing step, so that after fifteen minutes of walking she could make out each toe. She found their appearance increasingly alarming.

"The size and shape of the feet matches with the biometrics of a Darlton Jarvis." Spock told them, bending down with the doctor to examine the latest footprint.

"I don't understand." She commented. "Clearly he would be in pain. Why is he still walking?"

"Perhaps he is trying to reach someone?" Kirk suggested.

"Or he's trying to run from something." McCoy added quietly. "Either way he's lost a lot of blood and we need to find him."

"Sir! Over there!" One of the crewmen shouted. They spun to see an outline of a man, stumbling away from them.

Everyone ran, following the captain's lead. Kirk reached him first and the man threw himself at the captain like a rabid animal. Spock pulled him off and held him back as McCoy started to scan him.

"We're here to help you." Jim explained to him as she knelt down beside the doctor and handed him a hypospray. "What's your name?" The man made no reply. His eyes were rolling around in his head wildly. "The other people on the transport;" Jim continued; "Where are they?" The man still made no response and Jim grabbed his shirt and yanked him up. "Where are they? Why did you attack us? Answer me." He demanded.

"Easy Jim." McCoy put a hand on his arm and Christine helped lower him back to the ground gently. "He's in shock."

The man was staring at her now and the intensity in his eyes unsettled her. He grabbed her arm with surprisingly strong hands and pulled her down towards him before she could resist. "Run." He whispered to her. Then he screamed, an awful, primal sound, as blood poured from his nose and eyes. Then suddenly all was quiet and he lay motionless on the ground. She felt mute with shock.

McCoy scanned him with steady hands. "He's dead, Jim." He told him in a sombre voice.

"How? Of what?" The captain questioned.

The doctor was frowning at his tricorder. "Massive cerebral haemorrhage. I have no idea what caused it. There's no sign of a virus or bacteria in his blood. I'll have to autopsy."

Kirk's eyes were hard. "Fine. Christine, what did he say to you?"

She swallowed, but was proud when her voice came out calm and sure. "He told me to run." She was beginning to feel scared. The intensity in the man's voice, and his mode of death, had shaken her. She hoped they would swiftly find the other survivors and get out of here.

"That's all?"

"Yes sir."

McCoy was still frowning at the body. "Well what now?"

"Spock?"

The Vulcan was a little way off, scanning the area with an air of concentration. "Captain, I believe I have found evidence of an energy signature. It may be the transport."

"How far?"

"Approximately two kilometres south."

"Right. We'll go and investigate. You two go and get a stretcher and take the body back to our ship." He ordered two of the security personnel. "Stay close to the comm. We'll check in every twenty minutes. If we miss a check-in get yourselves back to the Enterprise."

"Yes sir." They looked reluctant to leave, but Christine knew they were too disciplined to protest a direct order. "Good. Let's go."

They walked fast under the hot sun. She vaguely wondered if the basin where they were walking had once contained water. The thought helped to steady her mind, and she continued to distract herself with the terrain. After six minutes they caught their first glimpse of the transport. It had come down close to some cliffs, and glinted in the sun. After fifteen minutes they reached it and began to scan the wreckage. It had clearly suffered a considerable amount of damage. It was a large ship, but was missing an engine, and part of the hull had been broken off.

"It's empty." The last remaining security guard – Galloway she thought his name was – told them.

"Damn it. Where are they?" The captain frowned. "Spread out – see if you can find a trail."

Obediently they went off in different directions, and she headed towards the cliff face. The shadow of the cliff was cooler and she followed it along, looking for signs of caves. After a few minutes she found an entrance and decided to have a look inside. She switched on her torch and shone it in. At first she saw nothing, but then she noticed a canteen and some protein packs in the corner. She stepped in to take a closer look. Only her feet didn't meet solid ground.

She felt herself fall, and a cry escaped her lips as she hit hard ground a few seconds later, smacking her head on the rocks. She had dropped her torch, and the light went out, and for a second she couldn't breathe as pure panic overtook her. Then her common sense kicked in. She needed to find her torch.

She felt along the ground, taking in its damp surface. Her head ached but she didn't think she had more than a few bruises. She had been lucky.

"Chapel? Nurse Chapel? Answer me, damn it." She heard a familiar voice from above her, thick with worry.

"I'm down here." She shouted up to him.

"Of course you are. Why didn't you look where you're walking? Are you injured?"

"Nothing serious. Give me a moment to find my torch." She continued to feel for it. Her hand hit something soft, and she felt a stab of pain and quickly withdrew her hand, gasping in shock. She tried not to think what they might have been. After a moments hesitation she more gingerly continued searching and almost cheered in relief when her hand hit it. She fumbled for the switch and then cried out and almost dropped it again when the scene before her reached her eyes.

"Chapel? Are you all right?" McCoy was shouting down to her again.

She tried to gather herself, but couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene before her. "Doctor, you should contact the captain. I've found them."

She heard him curse, then telling the captain their position. "You still there Chapel?" He shouted to her again.

"Yes Sir." She reported automatically.

"Good. I'm going to climb down to you." She didn't try to point out that it probably wasn't a good idea. He wouldn't have listened to her, and she didn't want to be alone down here.

"Holy…" He murmured when the sight met his eyes. There were at least forty bodies, stacked up against the wall like timber. Christine had already picked out the small features of children among the dead. All the faces had the same bloody eyes and noses that the man had had. She couldn't draw her eyes from the scene as her heart pounded in her chest. She felt the doctor's arm around her, and he turned her face from the carnage and into his shoulder. She shuddered and buried her head into his chest, breathing him in. After a few seconds she felt calm enough to pull back.

"We should scan the bodies." She suggested reluctantly.

He nodded, then glanced at her more carefully. "Chapel! Your head!"

She touched it and examined the blood on her fingers. "I hit it on the way down."

He had already pulled out his scanner, and tilted her chin upwards to get a better look. "It's not too bad. I'll close it when we get into better light."

He gave her a hypospray and she felt the pain in her head ease. "Thank you." She murmured in relief.

"Bones? Are you down there?" Jim's voice echoed down from above.

"Where else would I be?" The doctor retorted. "We're going to need a rope."

"All right." She heard scraping and then Spock blithely slipped down the edge and the captain followed more slowly, throwing a down a rope and abseiling.

The Vulcan became very still when he saw what they were looking at. Jim swore under his breath.

"How many?"

"There appears to be forty-seven." Spock answered.

"It's them?"

"Their features and mode of dress are consistent with the lost party."

"Damn it."

The Doctor had moved forwards, and was examining the bodies. Spock joined him.

"Died the same way as the man outside. Cerebral haemorrhage." McCoy told them in a toneless voice.

"There's no women." She pointed out, as the thought suddenly occurred to her.

Spock looked at her sharply. "Nurse Chapel is correct. There are no adult females among the dead." He paused. "The stacking of the bodies also suggests that they have been placed here deliberately."

"This was deliberate?"

"It is likely, Sir."

The Doctor was muttering to himself. "I've never seen anything like this, Jim. Their external wounds are consistent with only a crash landing. I'm not seeing anything that could explain the haemorrhage."

The captain frowned and flipped open his communicator. "Kirk to the Enterprise."

"Scotty here, captain."

"We've just found most of the transport party dead. However, we're missing the women. Is there any way you might be able to scan for them through the field?"

"Aye, sir. It might take some time."

"Understood. We will return to the Enterprise shortly. Kirk out." He closed his comm.

McCoy was frowning at him. "We're leaving?"

"We don't know what we're facing, Bones. I don't want to be here in the dark."

"But the bodies… We can't leave them like this."

"The current state of decomposition suggests that they died at least two days ago. The fact that they have remained here intact suggests that they will be safe from any predators."

"Damn it man – these were people. We can't leave them here like this." He repeated.

Christine agreed with him – they couldn't leave the bodies in such a way. It was nauseating.

Kirk nodded. "You're right Bones. But we can't dig graves – the ground is too solid."

"The majority of the party are Kabrelian. This people usually cremate their dead."

"Fine. Let's start moving the bodies. I'll get in contact with the security team and have them bring the ship closer and we'll build a pyre."

They set about their work. Christine did not know how she made it through the next few hours. They constructed a pulley system and winched the bodies up one by one. She shut their eyes, and wiped the blood from them faces as best she could, but her hands trembled as she performed her actions on the small faces of the dead children. Commander Spock was her only company down there – keeping a record of each person, and matching it with the manifest. He was seemingly unaware of her struggle, and she was grateful for it. His lack of emotion helped her keep her own struggles in check.

Finally the bodies were all on the surface and she managed to pull herself up. Doctor McCoy had been examining each body before they were assembled onto the pyre, but came to examine her as she stepped out of the cave, blinking in the dusky light.

"Let me see that head, Chapel."

"I'm sure it's fine, sir." She protested. Right now she wanted to be left alone, to stabilise her emotions before they hit the next hurdle.

"Which one of us is the doctor?" He frowned at her severely and she gave in and stood still. She didn't want an argument right now.

His hands were distractingly gentle in her hair as he healed the skin and examined her scalp for any further lumps.

"Are there any signs of the women?" She asked him, trying to ignore his closeness.

"None so far. The Enterprise is still scanning."

"What do you think happened to them?"

He straightened her hair and stood back. "I'm still not sure, but I have an idea. I'll need to perform the autopsy when we get back to confirm it."

She nodded, and watched as the captain lit the pyre. It burst into flames and they all stood and watched it solemnly. For a moment she thought she might cry as she watched the bodies catch light, but the doctor put a steadying hand on her back, and she somehow kept herself together.

The flight back was near-silent, everyone contemplating what they had just seen. Part of her dreaded going back down the following day, but this was overcome by an almost desperate need to find the women. She hated to think that they were still alive on that planet, scared and alone.

She followed the doctor back to the sickbay wearily and cleared a surgical bay ready for the autopsy. The other nurses had seemed somewhat alarmed when they had seen the blood in her hair, but with gentle reassurance had left her to work. Doctor McCoy had pulled around the screen and unzipped the body.

"You don't have to stay, Nurse Chapel." He told her matter-of-factly as he examined his instruments, glancing at her with all-too-perceptive eyes.

She shrugged. "This isn't something anyone should have to do alone, Doctor."

He nodded – she was relieved he didn't argue - and they began.

It took little over an hour to collect the samples they needed and to run them through the computer. He touched her shoulder as she loaded up the last sample.

"You should go and get some sleep, Chapel."

"I can wait for the results, Doctor." She argued, but the weariness was catching up with her, and her head was beginning to pound again.

"I'm sure you can, but I'll manage. Go and sleep off that headache."

She frowned at him – how did he always know? "If you're sure…?"

"I'm sure. Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor McCoy."

She was having a strange dream. She walked the corridors of the Enterprise trancelike and entered the transporter room. She put in algorithms she barely understood, overriding protocols and stepped onto the transporter pad ready to energise. A security team entered and she shot them without hesitation. It was only then that she realised that this couldn't be a dream. As she screamed in her mind, her lips echoed "Energise" and the whirring sound assured her that she had just left the ship.


	12. Chapter 6 Away Mission McCoy

6. Away Mission – McCoy

Jim had fallen asleep in his office and McCoy napped at his desk, unwilling to sleep deeply in case one of his patients became critical. He was exhausted but also strangely exhilarated. He may have just lost his marbles – it was quite probable considering – but he was fairly sure he had just fallen in love with Christine Chapel. He didn't know what the hell he was going to do about it. Nothing if he was sensible. He wasn't looking for another relationship – and he had successfully fallen for the one woman in the universe that he could never have one with. He clearly enjoyed self-punishment.

He sighed and stood, realising that soon she would be in to supervise the shift change. He felt his chest tighten at that, remembering her smile and her gentleness. He was going to have to learn to control himself. It was going to be damned embarrassing if she got any idea that he felt like this. Hell, he was already embarrassed. He'd only known the woman for just over a week - people do not start feeling like in that length of time. Then again, people did not normally have to work they way they had had to recently. He had seen her in the worse possible circumstances, and she'd been damn magnificent. Who wouldn't fall in love with a woman like Christine Chapel?

He opened his door and watched her organising the nurses, reading over charts and speaking with the patients. She was beautiful and clever and many more things that he didn't know how to articulate. He was going to have to be careful and avoid her company as much as he could. Hopefully the feelings would die off as quickly as they had developed. He made a lot of mistakes, but he'd be damned if he would be the reason why she couldn't study medicine. With that reminder weighing heavily in his mind he focused and went about his tasks that day.

Twelve hours later he was working through his pile of PADDs when there was a knock at his door. Nurse Chapel entered, frowning at him. He wracked his mind and tried to think if he'd done anything to offend her. He came up with nothing. Damn it – perhaps she had realised how he felt. It would be like her to address the problem head-on.

"Nurse Chapel."

"Doctor." She took a seat in front of him and folded her hands in her lap in a business-like manner.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually doctor, I was wondering if there was anything I could help you with?"

He stared at her. What did she mean by that? Had she realised? "Help me with?"

"Yes sir. You see, it seems to me that you spend large amounts of time on the bridge, and treating the sick, and it doesn't leave you with much time for paperwork. So I was wondering if I could help you with it." Paperwork? It was the end of her shift, and she looked exhausted. Why would she offer to help him?

"You're shift has ended, has it not, Nurse Chapel?"

"I believe that yours also has, Doctor."

He sighed – she wasn't going to make this easy, but he couldn't allow her to do something that was an insult to her abilities. "Let me check I have got this correct. Are you telling me that you want to act as… as some sort of secretary for me?"

"No sir. I'm saying that your stress affects this whole department, and I would like to help relieve some of it." She told him, face serious.

Damn it. She had a point. But he was supposed to be avoiding her. A better man would turn her down – would tell her that he could manage. But he couldn't, and although his heart told him that this was a bad, bad idea, his head told him that that was an offer he couldn't afford to refuse.

"You really would do anything for peace in this sickbay, wouldn't you Chapel?" He couldn't help but smile at her. He'd never met anyone as dedicated to their job as her.

"Almost anything sir." She returned his smile, and he felt his heart leap. Damn, the sooner he got this out of his system the better.

"And you're willing to stay after your shift to help me with it?"

"Yes doctor, if you will allow me."

"I'd be a fool not to." He was a fool to accept.

And that was that.

They worked together most nights he was on the ship and he had to admit she was remarkably helpful. He should have expected it really – she was hardly stupid, and was probably more qualified than him to deal with some of it. He worked hard to keep things professional – to build a wall between them, but it wasn't easy because although he could block out her looks, he couldn't so easily ignore her mind, and hers was fascinating. Sometimes, when he couldn't find another excuse to occupy his time, and she was also free, he poured them both a drink and they talked about anything that came to mind. He found she began to grow easier around him, more willing to share her view, and he enjoyed it and began to trust her opinion. Each time he promised himself that that would be the last time he fraternised with her but it never made a difference in the end.

To make up for his lack of restraint in the evenings he worked extra hard during the day to remind himself why he had to keep propriety. He began to teach her some medical procedures, slowly at first, but then more regularly when he saw that the woman was desperate to learn. She picked up everything he taught her with ease, and he pushed her further, enjoying her enthusiasm. For the first time he enjoyed being a teacher.

"Where've you been Bones? You were meant to be here an hour ago." Jim commented as he undid the buttons of his collar and poured himself a drink.

"Some of us have work to do, Jim."

"Ah yes, your after-hours rendezvous with Nurse Chapel. Well I can understand why you'd blow me off for her." Jim grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"Actually I blew you off for Andorian neurophysiology. Chapel just happened to be there."

He laughed. "You know Bones, you're the only man on this ship who is more interested in paperwork than the beautiful woman sitting opposite you." He wished that were true. "Half the men on this ship wish they were in your shoes."

"If they knew what I dealt with every day they wouldn't."

Jim chuckled. "More difficult patients?"

"You have no idea."

"Well I'll save you from them tomorrow – I need you for an away mission. We've traced the transport to the Trajenic system. We should reach it early tomorrow morning. Spock suspects they'll have casualties if there are survivors – you might want to bring one of your other doctors along. Zuvolt – is that his name?"

He snorted. "I'm not bringing Zuvolt. The man gets nauseous at the sight of blood. I'd be better off bringing one of the nurses than him."

"Well then bring Chapel if you think she's up to it."

He frowned. It was an unfortunately good idea and he should have thought of it sooner. She would certainly be more useful than one of the other doctors. However, it would mean that he had to watch Jim flirt with her. "She's up to it." He decided.

"Good, I'm glad you said that." He grinned and McCoy scowled at him. "Now, remind me how to tell apart a Tandaran and a human before I have to meet a delegation."

He waited for Chapel the next morning at her desk. The nurses eyed him suspiciously and he was relieved when she finally came in and he didn't have to suffer their hostile stares.

She smiled at him as if he being out of his office at this time of day was completely normal. "Did you need something doctor?"

"There's a briefing for an away mission in fifteen minutes, Nurse Chapel. I would like you to join me." He told her frankly.

She stared at him for a moment, and then gave him the most brilliant smile he had ever seen. For a second his heart stopped.

"Yes sir." Her voice was calm, but he could hear the excitement underneath. He frowned but a small voice told him that if this was the reaction he got he should have taken her on an away mission a long time ago.

He waited patiently as she packed their medical kits and put Nurse Temple in charge. Then, side by side, they walked to the captain's office.

He nodded to Spock as they entered the ready room and took their seats. The captain had asked a security team to join them. He felt a bad feeling of foreboding. Jim explained the situation, miraculously succinct. "Right, now that we're all here I'll keep this quick. A week ago a transport destined for Adigeon Prime went missing on route from Kabrel II. It was carrying sixty people – men, women and children. We believe that the transport was thrown off-route by an ion storm, and may have come down on one of the planets in the Trejanic system. We are currently orbiting the largest M-class planet, and will take a ship to look for survivors."

"A ship, sir?" Galloway questioned.

"There is a strong magnetic field around the planet that impedes transporter travel." Spock pointed out.

"Well there's a stroke of luck." He muttered. He was beginning to feel the worry gnaw at his stomach, but it would be nothing compared to the nausea he experienced each time he had to use the transporter.

"This is a previously uncharted planet, so be on alert." Jim continued. "Scans are unable to penetrate the magnetic field, so we are unsure as to the challenges we may face on the surface. Any questions? Good. We will reconvene in the docking bay in fifteen minutes. Dismissed."

He frowned. Without a full sensor scan they could meet anything down there. How was he supposed to prepare for that?

"Are we expecting survivors, sir?" Chapel asked him in a quiet voice. He felt reassured that at least she would be there.

"It all depends, Nurse Chapel. The damage from the ion storm was probably extensive, or they wouldn't have crashed landed, but Spock has reliably informed me that the magnetic field may have acted to help to buffer the entry onto the planet."

"So if they survived the storm, they probably would have survived the crash landing?" She summarised so neatly he smiled.

"If they're lucky. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir."

He stood as Jim and Spock joined them. "Do we have any better idea what the terrain is like?"

"Ensign Chekov has recently been able to penetrate the magnetic field with some success." Commander Spock told them. "The planet appears to be desert based, with some areas of oasis-like vegetation. I recommend we land the ship at one of these locations. If there are any survivors, they will have made finding water a priority." Unless they were too badly injured to move. Or something else found them before they had to worry about water.

"Agreed Mister Spock. Calculate the likeliest oasis based on the transport's trajectory and we'll set down there."

"Yes sir."

Damn – a desert. He wondered suddenly whether Chapel had thought to pack anti-venom. There were always nasties on desert planets, and he'd be caught short before…

"I packed it before we left, doctor. It's complete."

He scowled at her. "So you say." You could never have a complete pack when on an away mission with Jim. He always managed to find something new and dangerous. Something he could have never foreseen or prepared for.

"Bone's doesn't like away missions." Jim told her.

"No one likes away missions after being on a few with you. I've had enough crash landings, attempted murders and hand-to-hand combat to last me a lifetime." That was no exaggeration. "Don't be a spoil-sport Bones. You'll scare Chapel."

"I doubt it." He was fairly sure that the woman was scared of nothing, but he glanced at her face just in case. She looked amused and it relieved him somewhat. If they found a group of seriously injured patients she would take it all in her stride. After all, she could manage him and a sickbay with her eyes shut.

"This is your first away mission with us, isn't it Christine?" The captain smiled at her.

"Yes sir."

"Well stay close. I'll keep an eye on you." Good grief.

She smiled at the man, and said in a beautifully condescending voice: "Thank you sir, but I have two very good eyes of my own. You'll need yours to find survivors."

He felt like applauding her for that. "Very true." Jim said, exchanging a glance with him. Well she _had_ told him she wasn't interested.

He felt himself begin to sweat as they got closer to the docking bay. Damn it, he didn't want to get on to the ship, even if it was Spock piloting. He seriously considered sedating himself, but he had the feeling Chapel wouldn't have been very impressed.

He strapped himself in with shaking hands, and assured himself it would almost be over. And if they burnt up in the atmosphere, at least it would be quick. Probably.

"Are you all right?" Chapel asked beside him. Of course, she wouldn't be impressed with his obvious weakness. She happily piloted the damn things. He suddenly wished he had a drink.

"No." He replied honestly, then lent back and shut his eyes. "Tell me when we're there."

He tried his best not to think about the nausea that assailed him as they took off, although he almost emptied his stomach when they hit the turbulence. He could feel Chapel lean over him to look out of the window and her closeness helped to distract him from his impending death. She smelt like the pear drops his grandmother used to give him.

"You should look, doctor. It's beautiful." Her voice was wondrous. So was the gentle hand on his arm.

Against his better judgement he opened his eyes and glanced out of the window. Miles of red rock met his eyes, dotted with rock formations that he would have enjoyed naming as a child. "So it is." He admitted, and felt her smile.

He shut his eyes again as they landed, and was the first person to get off the ship. He resisted his usual instinct to hug the ground and pulled out his tricorder. It was hot, but the grass was green around the oasis, and trees provided some much needed shade. There were worse places they could have landed. He searched for any signs of life in the area, but came up for nothing. He had the feeling this wouldn't be a quick mission.

"Over here." Jim shouted, and he ran to join him. There were bloody footprint on the ground, leading off into the desert. The hot, red, shadeless, desert. Damn it.

"They appear to be humanoid." Spock told them. Well that much was obvious.

"Well let's follow them and see what we find." Jim decided. He would have protested, but who ever had made the footprints was injured, and he was a doctor if nothing else.

The deeper they proceeded into the desert the greater the amount of blood in each print. He noticed that one foot was smeared, as if being dragged behind the other. He bent down to examine it and Spock joined him. He knew the Vulcan well enough to know that he too had some reservations – the tightening around his mouth spoke volumes. He was probably also wondering why the man would keep walking when his feet had been torn to shreds.

"The size and shape of the feet matches with the biometrics of a Darlton Jarvis." He told him.

"I don't understand." Chapel said. "Clearly he would be in pain. Why is he still walking?" Of course she had noticed too.

"Perhaps he is trying to reach someone?" Jim suggested. He always expected people to act heroic, even if they had recently survived a crash-landing on an undiscovered planet. He was always impressed that, despite all that the captain had seen, the man continued to have so much faith that people would do the right thing.

"Or he's trying to run from something." He pointed out. "Either way he's lost a lot of blood and we need to find him."

"Sir! Over there!" One of the crewmen shouted. They spun to see an outline of a man stumbling away from them. He had a sudden insight as soon as he glanced at the man's face but Jim had already started running. Damn, the man was always trying to get himself killed. He ran after him, but was glad when Spock over took him, and was able to pull the man off him before he had another patient.

He pulled out his scanner immediately as Spock held him back and Jim wiped his face with his hand. Chapel handed him a hypospray – she was always there at the right time – and he noted that the man had massive levels of adrenaline and serotonin in his system. It was clearly impairing his thinking. His eyes rolled in his head wildly and he gave him a neural suppressant to help calm him down.

"We're here to help you. What's your name?" Jim asked – less gently than he usually would have. Obviously he was not pleased the man had attacked him. "The other people on the transport – where are they?" The man made no response. McCoy wasn't sure whether he was capable of doing so. Jim yanked him up by his shirt, clearly thinking that the man's silence was deliberate. "Where are they? Why did you attack us? Answer me."

"Easy Jim. He's in shock." The man would probably have trouble remembering his own name, let alone recent events. He removed his friend's hands as Chapel laid him gentle back to the ground.

The man's eyes suddenly stopped moving and he realised that he had fixated on the nurse. With a swift moment he hadn't predicted the man grabbed her face and pulled her down. He snatched a sedative from his kit, but he didn't have a chance to use it. The man screamed and clutched his head as blood poured from his head and nose.

Damn it. He grabbed his scanner again, but it was too late. The man lay still on the ground, and he knew what the reading would be.

"He's dead, Jim." Damn, damn, damn. What the hell was that?

"How? Of what?" The captain sounded as mystified as he felt.

He examined the read-out on his tricorder. "Massive cerebral haemorrhage. I have no idea what caused it. There's no sign of a virus or bacteria in his blood. I'll have to autopsy." Damn it.

"Fine. Christine, what did he say to you?"

McCoy turned to the woman. Had he said something to her? He noticed that although her face belied no obvious emotion, her lips were pursed and her eyes wide. Seeing someone die like that had shaken her. He fought an urge to put an arm around her.

"He told me to run." Her voice was calm.

"That's all?"

"Yes sir."

He glanced down at the body. This was one hell of a mess. People in shuttle accidents did not die of sudden, massive cerebral haemorrhages. The man had been warning them about something. Something that he found he didn't really care to discover.

"Well what now?"

"Spock?" Jim turned to the Vulcan. Something had caught his attention earlier, and he was scanning a little way off.

"Captain, I believe I have found evidence of an energy signature. It may be the transport."

"How far?"

"Approximately two kilometres south."

"Right. We'll go and investigate. You two go and get a stretcher and take the body back to our ship." McCoy wondered if he should ask Chapel to go with the security team – he didn't feel good about them handling the body and disturbing evidence - but then realised that he wanted to keep the woman where he could see her. "Stay close to the comm. We'll check in every twenty minutes. If we miss a check-in get yourselves back to the Enterprise."

"Yes sir."

The walked further into the desert in the hot sun. He wondered how long an average day was on this planet, and how long it would be until sundown. Something told him he did not want to be here in the dark.

Spock's readings were correct and they found the wreckage close to some large red cliffs.

"It's empty." Galloway told them. That meant that they had survived the landing – no bodies and no obvious graves or signs of cremation. So where the hell were the rest of them?

"Damn it. Where are they?" Jim echoed his thoughts. "Spread out – see if you can find a trail."

They spread out. He watched Chapel head towards the cliffs, and pulled out his tricorder. Jim, Galloway and Spock had headed off in the opposite directions. He couldn't pick out any life signs except for those of their team. However, he did notice a peculiar reading emanating from underneath the ship. At first he thought it was simple radiation from the nuclear core, but then he realised that although the radiation was there, there was another reading underneath – something more subtle and confusing. He frowned and had just stepped closer when he heard a scream.

"Damn it." He ran in the direction he had last seen Chapel, fear fuelling him.

He found the opening in the cliff. Month of practise and a friend like Jim prevented him from running straight in, and instead he pulled out his torch and shone it into the cave. For a second he couldn't work out where she was, but then he noticed a man-sized gap in the cave floor. He shone his torch in and noticed that blood shone on some of the rocks below.

For a second his heart froze. "Chapel? Nurse Chapel?" He shouted down. There was no response and he felt something close to pure panic. "Answer me, damn it."

"I'm down here." Her faint voice drifted up to him and filled him with pure relief.

"Of course you are." Where else would she be? Trust her to fall down the only damn hole on the planet. "Why didn't you look where you're walking? Are you injured?" The sight of her blood still disturbed him.

"Nothing serious. Give me a moment to find my torch." He wondered how she could sound so composed - alone in a hole in the dark.

There was silence for a second, then he heard her cry out again. "Chapel? Are you all right?" He peered down the hole, worry gnawing at him. Was something down there with her? Was she injured?

"Doctor, you should contact the captain." Her request made him pause. "I've found them." There was something in her voice that made him ache. He wanted to know what exactly she'd found, but something preventing him from asking. Damn, he needed to get down to her, but knew he had to do his duty first.

"McCoy to Kirk."

"Kirk here."

"Chapel's found something. She'd down a chasm in the floor of a cave, about half a kilometre south-east of the ship."

"Understood. On my way."

He pulled his pack across his body. "You still there Chapel?"

"Yes sir." Her voice was faint, weak.

"Good. I'm going to climb down to you."

He put his torch in his mouth and gingerly made his way down. The chasm was fairly deep, but the face had plenty of hand holds and it wasn't too difficult, even for a man like him.

Chapel was standing still slightly away from the wall, her face fixated on something ahead of her. He glanced to meet it and felt his insides freeze. "Holy…" There was bodies – more than he could count – piled up into groups of five or six, mashed together with faces on legs and arms touching. Even in the dim light he could see that they had the same features of the other man – bloody eyes and noses and mouths. Christine still hadn't moved. A lesser person would have been screaming, clawing at the walls to get out, but that wasn't her. He put an arm around her and gently turned her eyes from the scene. She buried her face into his shoulder and he felt her shudder. He stabilised himself with her closeness, the smell of pear drops helping to relieve his own shock. After a few seconds she pulled back.

Her face was professional again. "We should scan the bodies." She quietly suggested. He couldn't fail but noticed that there was a slight tremor in her voice, but nodded.

Then he glanced at her and almost jumped. "Chapel! Your head!"

There was blood on her left temple, matting her hair. She touched it and examined the blood on her fingers with apparent surprise. He wondered how hard she had hit it. Damn it, he had kept her close to keep an eye on her and this was what had happened. He pulled out his scanner again and tilted her chin to get a better look, torch in mouth again.

"It's not too bad." He kept the relief from his voice. "I'll close it when we get into better light."

She nodded and he gave her a hypospray for the pain that she must have been in. "Thank you." She murmured to him. Her voice was so sincere and broken, and she was so close and intoxicating that he almost forgot himself and took her in his arms.

"Bones? Are you down there?" Jim's voice echoed down from above and saved him from himself.

"Where else would I be?" He moved away slightly and focused. "We're going to need a rope."

"All right."

They both made it down the edge with considerably more grace than he had but both became still when they saw the carnage in front of them.

"How many?" Jim asked in a quiet voice.

"There appears to be forty-seven." Spock answered. For a second McCoy cursed him because his voice sounded far too matter-of-fact to be appropriate in such a situation.

"It's them?"

"Their features and mode of dress are consistent with the lost party."

"Damn it."

He left Chapel with Kirk, who had moved close to her, and went to scan the bodies.

"Died the same way as the man outside. Cerebral haemorrhage." He told them the results of his scan, confirming his initial thoughts.

"There's no women." Chapel pointed out, her voice strained but controlled.

"Nurse Chapel is correct. There are no adult females among the dead." The Vulcan was looking at her with what McCoy could only call surprise. "The stacking of the bodies also suggests that they have been placed here deliberately." He had also noticed that.

"This was deliberate?"

"It is likely, Sir."

He didn't know what else it could be. Loved ones did not leave people like that.

He frowned and continued scanning. "I've never seen anything like this, Jim. Their external wounds are consistent with only a crash landing. I'm not seeing anything that could explain the haemorrhage."

"Kirk to the Enterprise."

"Scotty here, captain."

"We've just found most of the transport party dead. However, we're missing the women. Is there any way you might be able to scan for them through the field?"

"Aye, sir. It might take some time."

"Understood. We will return to the Enterprise shortly. Kirk out."

He looked up sharply and frowned at his friend. "We're leaving?"

"We don't know what we're facing, Bones. I don't want to be here in the dark."

"But the bodies… We can't leave them like this." Not in piles. Not when there were children. It was sick.

"The current state of decomposition suggests that they died at least two days ago. The fact that they have remained here intact suggests that they will be safe from any predators." Predators? Was that what he seriously thought he was worried about?

"Damn it man – these were people. We can't leave them here like this." He appealed to Jim. He knew leaving them wouldn't sit right with him either.

Kirk nodded and relief perfused him. "You're right Bones. But we can't dig graves – the ground is too solid."

"The majority of the party are Kabrelian. This people usually cremate their dead."

"Fine. Let's start moving the bodies. I'll get in contact with the security team and have them bring the ship closer and we'll build a pyre."

He finished his scan and pushed everything except the next task from his mind. "Spock, you'll need to record biometric data and match it to the crew manifest. I'm not having anyone cremated unknown.

"Understood doctor."

"I'll do a final examination on the surface prior to the cremation so I can sign the death certificates. Chapel, you stay with me."

To his surprise she had protested, and asked to remain behind to clean up the bodies. There had been such desperation in her face that he had allowed her. He couldn't refuse anyone such a gesture.

It took several hours to move all the bodies. He examined each one in as much depth as possible, recording his notes aloud as the others built the pyre with wood collected from the oasis. He paused when Chapel surfaced, eyes weary and bloodshot.

"Let me see that head, Chapel." It looked worse in the dying light.

"I'm sure it's fine, sir." She protested. She looked spent and he would have to be firm if he wanted to look after her.

"Which one of us is the doctor?" He said severely, and she stilled herself.

He examined her closely – probably more closely than was strictly necessary if he was honest.

"Are there any signs of the women?" She murmured into his chest.

"None so far. The Enterprise is still scanning." Her hair was soft. He wondered what it was like down.

"What do you think happened to them?" Damn. He was getting too close. He took a step back.

"I'm still not sure, but I have an idea. I'll need to perform the autopsy when we get back to confirm it."

She nodded, eyes watching Jim as he lit the pyre. The fire caught quickly, licking the bodies with hungry tongues. He saw Chapel shudder and placed a hand on her back. She grew still but he could feel her tension under his hand. He should never have brought her. He shouldn't have put her through this.

The ship back was silent. He knew what they had just found had shaken all of them. The medical bay seemed bright and cheerful – at odds what he was feeling as they brought the body in. Chapel was herself, dealing with the nurses, preparing a surgical bay. He pulled the screens around and unzipped the body as she joined him.

"You don't have to stay, Nurse Chapel." She was exhausted. She needed to sleep, to forget if she could.

She shrugged. Her eyes were gentle and sad. "This isn't something anyone should have to do alone, Doctor."

Damn it, he loved this woman. He was too selfish to turn her down.

They worked hard and side-by-side. It took just over an hour to load the samples. It wasn't the most unpleasant autopsy he had carried out, but it was hardly pleasant. He watched her stand at the computer, assessing the results collecting on the screen. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You should go and get some sleep, Chapel."

"I can wait for the results, Doctor." She argued. Stubborn, even now.

"I'm sure you can, but I'll manage. Go and sleep off that headache."

She frowned at him, still hesitant." If you're sure…?"

"I'm sure. Goodnight Nurse Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor McCoy."

He finished an hour later and sat at his desk with a drink in hand, attempting to make sense of the results. He was awoken by his comm buzzing. He'd managed to fall asleep his desk again.

"Kirk to McCoy."

He stood up and moved slowly to the wall. "McCoy here."

"I need you to get to the transporter room. Nurse Chapel's just shot two guards and transported herself to the surface."

For a second he thought he was dreaming. But then he wouldn't dream something like that. He moved out of his room with speed, suddenly understanding the results of his autopsy. Damn it.


	13. Chapter 7 Past Emotion Christine

_Hi all – sorry it's taken a while to update. I wanted to be sure I'd gauged this chapter right. These chapters are a bit intense but I hope you all like them. Thanks for reading and your comments. _

7. Past Emotion - Christine

Christine Chapel had been scared many times in her life – she had looked at death several times and had always managed to hold herself together – but nothing matched the unparalleled terror that she felt right now. She walked in the light of three moons across the barren earth of the planet and had no idea – or control – over where she was heading. She was sure she must be cold – she could see her breath rising in front of her face and was still in the clothes she had worn to bed, just shorts and a t-shirt, feet bare – but she could feel nothing. Her mind had been completely detached from her body and try as she might she couldn't even blink under her own consciousness. She had screamed and screamed in her mind but it made no difference – her lips remained closed. She was trapped and alone within her own body. The lack of control scared her more than anything else.

Eventually she had grown quiet and resigned. The questions had mounted but there were no obvious solutions. She guessed that where ever she was being led to she would find some answers – or death. She had seen the man die – a moment of severe pain, and a bloody silence. At least it was quick.

Had they missed her on the Enterprise? They must have known she had shot two people. Had they understood that it wasn't her – that she had no control? Would they try to find her? Would they wait until the daylight? Would she be dead then? Around and around her mind went as she walked deeper and deeper into the desert.

Eventually she saw something in the horizon – or actually the absence of something. She was walking towards a massive chasm in the earth. It cleaved its way across the red earth as far as she could see. Her heart sped up. Would she be forced to throw herself off? The fact that she showed no signs of slowing the closer she came assured her that this may well be the case. So this was how she would die – an apparent suicide alone on a planet with no one to hear her scream. Not that she'd be able to. She had never been afraid of death – until now everyone she cared about had passed on before her. But now she had found a place she could call home. She was useful and wanted. As much as she wanted to deny it, the last few weeks had been some of the happiest she had in a long time. And him – the doctor – the man that, as much as she had wanted to deny it, made her want to get up in her morning, gave her life shape and purpose, made her love her job. There had been so much she had wanted to find out about him. She had wanted to work at his side for many years yet. She realised now that she wanted to be more to him than just a head nurse.

She was now only a few steps from the edge. She silently wished everyone goodbye, gave herself to her mother's arms, and stepped over the edge.

She was vaguely aware of voices around her. Then she was aware of pain – every part of her body hurt. She could feel her body! She had never been gladder to feel pain in her life. It also meant she was alive. Somehow.

Her eyes flickered opened and met those of several women sitting around her.

"She's awake." She heard one murmur, and several of the women leaned closer. She pulled herself to a sitting position on her elbows and looked them over. They must be the women from the transport. They were alive. But how?

"Where am I?" She asked. Her voice sounded thick.

The women exchanged looks but didn't answer.

"Out of the way." She heard a brisk voice, and two women moved to make way for an elderly woman with a shock of white hair. "Ah, so you're awake. Who might you be?"

Her vision was becoming clearer now. She noticed the parched lips of the women, the haunted, terrified looks in their eyes.

"My name is Christine Chapel. I came with the Enterprise – a Federation ship sent to look for you. I'm a nurse."

"A ship to look for us?" One of the women said wildly. "Send them away! Send them away!" Several of the women put arms around her, comforting one another. She realised that they had lost their families. Did they know? The haunted looks in their eyes suggested that they did. How awful.

She ignored the pain her body and pulled herself together. She needed to find out what was going on and get them out of here. She was head nurse of the Enterprise. She had a duty of care.

"What is your name?" She addressed the older woman.

"Maghi." The woman was looking at her with hooded eyes.

"Well Maghi, could you explain to me what's going on?"

The elderly woman looked around at the others – thirteen in total. All that was left of the transport. "We came down on this planet – no major injuries to any of us. Then she started taking us. Turns out that the impact of our ship had killed her life-partner. She got into our heads."

"Who is 'she'?" The elderly woman, despite her apparent togetherness, was clearly in shock and wasn't making much sense.

"The Lady." One of the other women said in a toneless, and a few of them moaned. "She got in our heads, brought us here. The men and children came to find us and she… she killed them. She made us watch." A few of the women had begun to weep.

"She said its justice." A young woman said angrily. "Said we must learn her pain – that every female must learn."

Christine felt sick but kept herself calm. Panicking now would do nothing. "When you say she says – have you seen her?"

"She speaks to us in our minds – but we have seen her. I don't recognise her species." A woman mumbled.

Christine nodded sympathetically and forced herself to think practically. The place seemed to be some sort of cave, although she could see no entrance or exit. It was lit by torches that some of the women must have carried on their emergency belts. She didn't even know how she had got here, let alone how she could get out. "What are you eating and drinking? You must have been here for some days."

The old woman laughed bitterly. "Nurse, do you really think we care for food? I've lost my son and three grandchildren. Most of us don't care to live anymore."

"There's a small pool of water over there." One of the woman pointed, face tear-streaked. "But Maghi's right. What's the point? I want to die. We all do."

"So will you." Someone added in a harsh voice. "They'll come looking for you – the men on your ship – and she'll kill them. She'll kill everyone."

Christine felt her heart freeze. She hadn't considered that. They'd follow her. She suddenly prayed hard that they hadn't noticed her leaving the ship – that they would leave, decide that she wasn't worth looking for. She knew it was futile – Jim would never leave someone behind. Neither would McCoy. Damn it. How much time had passed? Were they already on their way? She needed to find a way out. But how did you escape a being that was already in her head – who could take control of her body at any time, even when she was on the Enterprise?

She swallowed her fear. There was only one course of action. "Take me to her. I need to meet this Lady."

There was a sound of a gong and for the life of her she couldn't work out whether it was real or in her mind.

"That's good." Maghi was staring at her now, resignation clear on her face. "Because she wants to meet you."

The women were all standing up, and she pulled herself wobbly to her own feet. She could already hear a whispering in her mind like the wind through leaves. She wondered where they were going to go. Then, in a large screeching sound, a hole appeared in one of the walls and the women began to file out. She grabbed a flashlight from beside her and joined them. She assured herself that she could do this. The being would be hurting, no doubt, but that didn't mean she couldn't listen to reason. She had to try.

The passage led out into a large hall. Christine glanced around her, fascinated. There were high pillars holding the ceiling up and light was being channelled down from the moonlit surface through a series of mirrors. This planet must have been populated at one time – considering the size of the hall there must have been at least several hundred beings. Now it was empty, the passages dark and unlit, the only sign of movement a single being at the farthest end of the antechamber. None of the women hesitated as they approached her, and Christine wondered whether they were being compelled, or whether they just didn't care enough to resist any more.

"You dared enter my kingdom, Christine Chapel." The voice the sounded within her mind was angry. "There is a price to pay."

She looked closer at the being. It was humanoid in shape, with a large forehead, massive eyes and a coned skull. Her body was emaciated, hands large and fingers very long. She didn't recognise her species at all. This was a first contact – with a being who happily killed other species and stacked them like firewood. The thought jolted her.

"Forgive me, but when we came to this planet we had no idea this was your kingdom. We came to find the survivors from the transport."

"The ship? The ship that killed my Lord – my last single companion on my world. You cannot know that pain, Christine Chapel. No, but you will know it."

Some of the women were weeping, down on their knees. "Lady, I assure you if the transport killed your husband it was accidental-."

"Words. Meaningless words that you people keep saying. What does the intent of the action matter? It occurred and so must the consequences. I am the Lady, the Queen of this Kingdom, and Mother of my people, and all others must know my pain. It is the way."

She took a step towards the being and continued to attempt to reason with her. "You have carried out your way, Lady. You have broken these women. They feel as you do. Allow me now to take them and leave you in peace."

"I will never find peace. I am alone. My people were once so many. They covered the surface of this planet – and the caves below. Now I am alone, my Lord killed by misshapen beings with no thought except themselves." Her voice was growing in volume in her head, making it pound. "You will know too, Christine Chapel. So will everyone that dares come to my world. Let it be a warning to others."

Christine was growing desperate. This being was not going to listen to her. "Lady, I understand your pain. I know it-."

"You know nothing. I have seen your mind – it is empty. So easy to control, to manipulate. When they come for you I shall enjoy filling it with something."

"Lady, I beg of you, show mercy. Do not do this. The others have nothing to do with this. Let us go and-.""

"Be silent Christine Chapel. It is too late. They are coming."

The women were moaning now and clawing at their faces, inconsolable. Maghi touched her elbow and pointed to a passageway with a trembling hand. She saw that it was now lit with flickering beam. Torch light. They must have found her. A small part of her prayed that McCoy hadn't come with them. Not him. She couldn't watch his death. That was too hard.

It wasn't meant to be. There were three of them – Jim, Spock and McCoy. Of course it had to be the three most senior officers running into danger. Why wouldn't they think? Was she really more important than the correct running of the Enterprise?

She watched as they blinked and took in the scene in front of them. The captain was staring at the being behind her with a frown. Spock already had his tricorder out. McCoy was regarding the group of women surrounding her. She searched his face. He was angry, she could tell. His mouth was a thin line, and his hands made fists. He met her eyes and for a second she couldn't work out whether he was angry at her, for getting them into this mess, or angry because she was in it. Then his eyes softened and the anger was replaced with one of concern as he searched her face. She realised that she must look quite a mess. She certainly felt like one.

"You must choose which one dies first Christine Chapel." The voice resonated in her head and disturbed her thoughts. She turned to face the Lady to protest as the captain approached the being.

"Not so hasty. You could at least tell us what we've supposedly done before you put us to death." He sounded confident. He didn't understand yet how bad the situation was – that this being couldn't be reasoned with.

The being pointed at her. "Explain."

She swallowed. "The Lady's consort was killed by the crash landing of the transport. She seeks to make all women understand her... grief by killing people that they care about." She turned to the being with a sudden idea. "But they don't care about me – not like that. You don't understand. I work for them." She tried to work out how to phrase it in a way that the being would understand. "I serve them. I am nothing to them in the way you mean. Not blood, or family."

"And yet they followed you."

"Because of duty. Not of other bonds. What is the point of killing people who mean nothing to me?"

"I see your mind. You lie." It _was_ a lie. Spock was the lover of her closest friend, Kirk was the little boy she had once loved like a brother, and McCoy was… well he was something more to her than her boss. Something that she didn't dare analyse too closely but made her want to reach out and touch him. If they died she would lose everything.

"Choose, Christine Chapel." The voice in her mind demanded.

"I can't. You can't ask this of me." She whispered.

"I understand you are grieving." Kirk told the being. "But hasn't there been enough bloodshed? We mean you no harm. You've killed over forty of our people for one life. Surely that is enough, even for your thirst. Listen to reason. We can help you. It needs to end now."

"And so it shall."

The Lady waved her hand and the captain fell to his knees, clutching his head and writhing in agony.

McCoy ran to his side, Spock behind him. "Enough. Damn it, that's enough."

"Stop it." She echoed, her voice harder than she had expected. She could hear the weeping of the women around her. They understood. They had seen this all before.

The Lady waved her hand again, and Kirk's breath eased. Her voice in Christine's mind now was pounding and she almost whimpered. "Do you think this is a game? Do you think I am not serious? Choose and I will make their passing swift. Otherwise I will take them as slow as you deserve."

She waved her hand again and this time both Spock and McCoy fell to the ground. Christine was breathing as hard as they were. "Enough. Enough – I will decide." She choked out. The Lady lowered her hand and she approached the female. She had one last desperate idea but she didn't know if she was strong enough to carry it out.

McCoy looked up at her and met her eyes again with a look that scared her. There was humour in his eyes, not the fear and anger that she expected. His lips quirked to a smile that pulled at her chest and made her want to cry. He was telling her that it was ok – that she should pick him, that he wasn't afraid. He was trying to make it easier for her, ever the doctor until the end. Right then, more than anything, she understood what sort of man he was. It pushed her to action like nothing else could.

"You say, Lady, that I cannot know your pain, but you are wrong. I know it. I have shared it. I will show you."

In a swift motion she took the being's face in her hands to boost the link, and simultaneously threw down every wall that she had erected over a lifetime of pain. She showed the woman the grief she had felt over the death of a father, taken from her far too early, sorrow that she could never show outside as she remained strong for her broken-hearted mother, but how she had cried herself to sleep every night, wishing he had been there. Then the agony of the death of her beautiful, brilliant mother, who stopped recognising her daughter, who screamed when she came into the room, who became aggressive and unrecognisable, a stranger in the body of the woman she had loved. That almost unbearable grief as she stood alone at her funeral, young and orphaned and alone.

The Lady was tearing at her hands, screaming within her mind. She could feel blood trickling from her nose, but ignored it and held on tighter. It was working.

She showed her Roger – the man she had loved with every ounce of her being – his easy smile, the grey that graced his temples, the way he had always listened to her and hadn't made her feel like a young girl but a woman, entitled to her opinion, the way he kissed her gently and patted her on the cheek, the way he had proposed to her and told her that she was everything he wanted. Then the agony when they had told her he was missing, that there was little chance of finding him, that she should declare him dead. How she had slept in his clothing because it smelt of him and she didn't feel quite so alone. How she had felt at the Academy, just holding the pieces of herself together, feeling like her feelings would overwhelm her. Then later, when she had found him, when he had betrayed her… But the pain of that was too raw to show, even now, the wall too well constructed. So she showed her the other grief – of losing her friends during the _Narada_ disaster, of the agony of their blood on her hands when she couldn't save them.

She rode her bottled feelings like a tidal wave as the woman's screams caused an overwhelming pain in her head that matched the pain in her heart. "I know what you feel." She told her. "I understand – and this is not the way."

The woman's screams became tears as she dimly felt the ground shudder underneath her.

"Enough." The Lady told her, as she shared her own pain. "Enough. Leave me now. Leave me to die alone."

But she couldn't. She heard the sound of crashing around her as spots danced in front of her eyes. The pain in her mind was unbearable but she found she couldn't break the link. She couldn't leave this woman to be alone. She knew the Lady's pain, but the Lady also knew hers and wept for them both.

She felt arms around her removing her hands and breaking the link.

McCoy's face filled her vision, arms around her, supporting her as her knees buckled.

"We need to go Chapel. The place is coming down." He told her, stroking her face.

"No." She protested. "Help her, doctor. Save her." The link was strong and she wasn't particularly sure which of them she was talking about.

"I can't. There's not enough time and I don't know where to begin. Come on Christine."

"No. You're a doctor damn it. Save her." She was shouting at him as her knees collapsed and everything went black. Then she was aware she was in his arms, that she was being carried away as the hall collapsed around them. She could blearily make out the Lady, alone on her throne. Alone forever more. Then she sank into darkness.

When she next opened her eyes she was dimly aware of the hum of a scanner and the rumble of engines. She couldn't remember where she was for a second and opened her eyes in panic.

"Rest easy, Nurse Chapel. We are aboard a shuttle and will be shortly arriving at the Enterprise." Commander Spock told her patiently without pausing in his scanning.

"The other women?" She asked as her memory returned.

"They are safe aboard the shuttle. Doctor McCoy is seeing to them now."

She tried to nod, but every part of her hurt, her head the worse. She felt numb and broken.

"Please remain still, Nurse Chapel. You may injure yourself if you continue to attempt to move."

"Yes sir." She answered automatically. She felt exhausted, but had to ask. "So it worked?"

"If you are referring to your actions with the lifeform known as the Lady, then you are correct." He gave her a long look. "Your emotions run deep."

"For a human." She finished the sentence for him because she knew he had been thinking it.

"Indeed." For a second she saw something akin to understanding in his eyes, and realised that he must have felt some of what she had done through his own telepathic link. If she'd had the capacity right then she would have been embarrassed.

"Damn it Spock, you were meant to tell me when she came round." She heard the gruff voice and looked up to meet the scowling face of the doctor.

"I was about to do so." The Vulcan supplied calmly.

"Indeed. Well go and keep an eye on the others and leave Chapel in peace."

The Vulcan gave a brief nod and moved away and the doctor took his place at her side.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her as he scanned her with steady hands.

"I could be better." She replied honestly. His presence was soothing her – his familiar actions and gruffness a balm.

"Well you certainly got yourself into one hell of a mess."

"I didn't have much choice in that. She was controlling me. The two men I shot…?"

"You only stunned them. They're fine."

She shut her eyes in relief. She felt a hand on her cheek, touching a wound that ached dully.

"You were very brave, Chapel." He told her, and she opened her eyes in surprise.

He was very close and she hadn't put her walls up again yet. "I couldn't let her kill you." She whispered to him honestly, meeting his eyes. Out of everything that had happened, the only thing she was sure of was the fact she couldn't lose him.

For a second she saw something in his eyes that she didn't understand. Then his face became businesslike again and he moved away.

"You've done yourself quite a bit of damage, and your mind's going to need some time to heal from the telepathic link. I'm going to give you a sedative, and you should sleep when it wears off."

"Can she still control me?" She felt distant fear, remembering that feeling of entrapment.

"I don't know yet. I'll need to run a neural scan." He gave her his small smile. "Don't worry Chapel. I won't let you go anywhere again."

She nodded. She trusted him. His eyes were the last thing she saw as the world once again became black.

The memories flooded back more quickly when she woke up again, and she kept her eyes shut, analysing herself. She realised that there was no pain, that she was thinking clearly. The grief she had felt was a dull ache still, but it had lost most of its potency behind the walls she had subconsciously rebuilt as she slept. She reassured herself that it was all over and slowly opened her eyes.

The images that met her eyes were not those that she expected. Instead of the sickbay it took her a second to realise she was in Doctor McCoy's office, lying on his couch. She could see him, sitting at his desk, analysing a PADD half-asleep. She took him in, the bags under his dark eyes, the stubble on his chin, the way he sat bent over the desk because of his height. He really needed to sleep more. He was going to work himself to illness. She wondered momentarily what would happen if she asked him to join her, to lie down so she could put her arms around him and soothe away those lines. She gave herself a mental shake. She was clearly still half-asleep. She was going to have to be more careful with her thoughts.

"Doctor McCoy?"

His head jerked up and he turned to her, rubbing his eyes. "Good, you're awake."

"I feel much better. How long was I asleep?"

"Eight hours or so."

She nodded, then looked down at herself and realised that she was still in the clothes she had gone to the surface in – her bed clothes. Why hadn't the nurses changed her?

"I thought it would be best if you slept." He explained as if reading her mind. "The damn nurses were fussing around you and wouldn't leave you alone, so I brought you in here so they wouldn't wake you."

"They were only worried. They care about me." She defended automatically. She cared about them too.

"Well they should have cared for you more quietly. Besides, they had plenty of other patients to be seeing to."

"The other women. Are they all right?"

"Physically, they've suffered from starvation and dehydration, and the effects of the telepathic link. I've treated that as best I can. However, psychologically the effects are more severe. We're taking them to Adigeon Prime – should be there in a few hours. They'll be people to help them there."

"Good. They've been through a lot."

"Yes they have." He paused and she suddenly felt awkward, lying on his bed half-dressed. Probably not as awkward as she should have felt.

"Am I ok to get up?" She asked him.

"You should be. I've ran scans on you all night. The link has been severed – you're your own person again. However I still need to see to your cuts and bruises – I thought it best to let you sleep."

She frowned at him. That didn't make too much sense – usually he was careful enough that he could use the dermal regenerator in the patient's sleep and not wake them. However, she was sure he had his reasons.

She sat up slowly and glanced down at herself. Her body was caked in old blood and red dust from the surface. Unfortunately she could see a lot of it.

"From now on I'm wearing more to bed." She said aloud, examining her legs.

The doctor made a non-committal sound and she realised her comment may have embarrassed him. That was strange. She hadn't thought that he was the sort of person that would embarrass easily. He was a doctor after all.

He got to his feet and picked up a pile of material from his desk, his face professional. She must have been mistaken. "I had Nurse Temple bring you some clean clothes, rather than you walking through sickbay as you are. Why don't you use my shower and then I'll heal the rest of your wounds."

She nodded and took the bundle from him, slowly getting to her feet. She felt stiff and slightly wobbly, but otherwise fine. She was going to be ok.

His shower was connected to his office through a small private corridor, and opposite another room that she guessed he used for experiments. Under the water she scrubbed every bit of her, removing the dust and the memory of that awful experience, cleaning her cuts and debriding them so that the water ran red. Shampoo stung in her hair from her earlier wounds but she scrubbed all the harder for it. She would at least carry no physical scars from the experience.

She eventually stepped out of the shower and realised she was making puddles of blood on the bathroom floor from her now freshly bleeding wounds. She wanted to groan as she grabbed a towel and did her best not to bloody it. She needed a dermal regenerator – she was already starting to feel faint – but hesitated. The voice in her mind reminded her that McCoy was a doctor, and had seen far worse things than his head nurse in a towel.

"Doctor McCoy." She called on him. "Could I borrow a dermal regenerator?"

She sat down and leant her head against the cool wall. Well this was embarrassing.

She heard a knock at the door. "You'd better come in." She told him. "I think I might faint."

The door opened and she looked up to meet his eyes. She could tell he was momentarily speechless. Well, there did seem to be a lot of blood. He was holding the regenerator, thank goodness.

"I would have come and got it myself." She told him, smiling in what she hoped was a calm and collected manner. "But I didn't want to walk blood over your floor."

He stared at her, then frowned. "Chapel, have you even tried to stop the bleeding?"

No one had a better ability than the doctor to make her feel stupid. "I didn't want to get any more of your towels bloody."

He rolled his eyes. "Damn the towels." He knelt down beside her, took one from the pile next to her and wrapped her legs in it to slow the bleeding. "Put your head between your knees Chapel." He sounded angry and she obediently did as she was told as the spots danced in front of her eyes.

"I hadn't realised that they were so deep, or I would have been more careful when I cleaned them." She murmured to him, as he gently pushed her wet hair to her other side and began to heal her left arm.

"I should have looked at them before you showered." He replied. He was admitting he'd made a mistake. That threw her slightly. So did the feeling of his hands on her skin. "The other arm, Chapel." He ordered her, and she held her right arm out.

She suddenly wondered whether she'd upset him. "I'm sorry." She told him. He paused, and she dared look up to meet his eyes. He was frowning at her. "I shouldn't have demanded that you heal the Lady. I know you would have done if you could have."

He took his eyes from her and continued his work. "Sometimes you have to make decisions. If I'd have tried to save her, we both might have been killed. Spock was holding the arch up. There was no time." He paused and removed the towel from her legs. The blood was only oozing now and she watched him as the faintness passed. "It doesn't mean I won't question myself about it, though. Sometimes what seemed like the only course of action isn't necessarily the right one. You'll understand when you're a doctor, Chapel." He took her leg in his hands and she studied his face, his frown of concentration, the burden in his eyes.

"I'll never be a doctor." She told him, his honestly allowing her to confide her fears.

He gave her a look. "Of course you will be. And a better one that I am, I imagine."

She wished more than anything right then that she wasn't his head nurse and that they were just two people. That she was allowed to fall in love with him.

"If I'm ever as half a good a doctor as you are, it will be enough." She told him with feeling. He smiled at her and she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. He moved onto the other leg in silence. "Thank you." She told him. He looked his confusion at her, his hands not pausing. "For not asking me about what I had to do." She knew Spock must have told him something of what had happened – and that as her doctor and CMO he should have asked her about it to assess her fitness to work.

He put her leg down and wiped his hands. "We all have baggage, Chapel. Just promise me that you'll tell me if it ever interferes with your work."

"I promise."

"Good. Now I'll leave you to get dressed."

She blushed when she realised that she was still in a towel. "Thanks."

He nodded and left her. She got dressed and dried her hair quickly, pulling it up into a knot. She wiped up her blood from the floor and disposed of the towels. She checked herself in the mirror. Her face was slightly bruised, but other than that she looked fine. Good enough to do her job at any rate.

The doctor was back at his desk and glanced at her as she came out. "You should go and get some more rest."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I can go back to work." His face took on that warning look – the one he used when he was going to force his way. "Doctor, if I go to my quarters I'll sit a brood. Right now I can't deal with that. I need to be busy." He gave her a long look, frowning at her. She could tell that he still wanted to protest. "Please doctor."

He sighed. "Fine, Nurse Chapel. But you need to take it easy. Allow the other nurses to do their job for a change."

She smiled at him. "They always do their job, as you well know. But I will take it easy."

He nodded, resignedly, and she left to see to her patients.


	14. Chapter 7 Past Emotion  McCoy

7. Past Emotion – McCoy

"What the hell happened?" He asked as he entered the transporter room. Spock was scanning the fallen officers and he unloaded his medical pack.

"Christine shot them and transported herself down to the surface, Bones." Jim told him.

"How the hell is that possible? I thought that no one could transport through the magnetic interference."

"Mister Scott?" He noticed that the engineer was already there, analysing the computers with a frown.

"I've got no idea, sir. She wiped the computer before she left. However, if the magnetic field was man-made and if you knew the right resonance frequency…"

"Wait– we're saying that the magnetic field is man-made." Jim frowned.

"Captain, my calculations have indicated that a planet of this size and mass is unlikely to have naturally propagated such a field. It is reasonable to assume that the field therefore may have been engineered." Spock told them.

He helped one of the security officers to sit. She'd only stunned them thankfully. They were both fine.

"Bones, why the hell would Christine know the codes to get down to the surface? And why would she go down there?"

He shook his head and stood up. "I can't be sure Jim, but I don't think she chose to go down there." That was a lie. He was pretty damned sure.

"What do you mean by that?"

He frowned and tried to order his thoughts. "When I scanned Darlton Jarvis before he died I noticed high levels of serotonin in addition to adrenaline. High levels of serotonin are seen in mania so I thought it was simply a reaction to the shock. However, on autopsy I also found that the man also had an enlarged frontal lobe and several other focal neurological signs. Therefore I analysed the serotonin more closely. It would seem that instead of the typical endogenous hormone of Kabrelians, he was making S3."

Spock looked at him sharply. "Serotonin-3 is found in several species who carry out forms of telepathy. It is also found in humans following contact with telepathic beings – such as mind-melding with Vulcans."

"Exactly."

"So Jarvis had been telepathically linked to something?"

McCoy nodded. "Probably. The levels are the highest I've ever seen. That suggests to me that it wasn't just a linking – but that something was controlling him."

"Controlling him? You think there are beings on the surface capable of that?"

"Sentient beings would explain the arrangement of the bodies." Spock pointed out. "Our lack of scanning cannot rule out life forms."

McCoy remembered the strange reading on his scanner. "Have a look at this, Spock." He loaded the reading he'd found and handed it to him.

"Interesting."

"I found it underneath the transport. What do you think?"

"It seems to be the body of some sort of lifeform."

"That's what I thought. What if the transport killed it?"

"That is conjecture. We will need to examine it."

"We need to find Chapel before we do anything." Before he had a heart attack. "If something's controlling her like Jarvis we need to get to her quickly." Before she ended up dead too. The thought was near-unbearable.

"There is no evidence that Nurse Chapel is being controlled in the same way."

"Oh, you think that she'd shoot two guards in her right mind?" He asked, anger flaring.

"She did seem rather distressed on the planet surface."

"Damn it Spock, how can you explain the fact she knew how to transport herself to the surface?" He almost shouted.

"Enough, Bones." Jim stepped in. "Spock doesn't really think that Christine would do that. What was your point, Mister Spock?"

"The point I was trying to make, doctor, is that Nurse Chapel is female. As yet we have found no bodies of adult females. Therefore, the fate of Nurse Chapel may not be the same as the others." The point comforted him somewhat.

"Well we still need to find her." He said. He didn't want to think of her cold and alone on the surface. If she couldn't control herself who knew what she was being forced to do? Perhaps she was injured. Or worse. Damn it, he felt ill.

Jim nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. "Spock, have Chekov see if he can pick up any life signs on the surface. Scotty, any chance of following her using the transporter?"

"Aye, maybe if I had forty-eight hours to retrieve the deleted data and analyse it. Otherwise you'd better take a ship."

"Fine. Spock, Bones, we'll take a ship down. Scotty, see if you can help Chekov boost the scanning. I need to know exactly what's down there."

"Aye sir."

"Right, come on."

McCoy felt the fear really hit him as he sat about the ship. This was his fault. How the hell was she ever going to forgive him for this? How the hell was he ever going to forgive himself if she was hurt?

"It's not your fault, Bones." Jim showed an occasional bout of perception as he sat down next to him. "We thought this would be a typical rescue mission. You weren't to know."

"Damn it, Jim. I shouldn't have brought her." He murmured.

"Of course you should have. We both know that she's more than capable nurse and officer."

"She's not designed for this sort of thing."

"And who is? She's better equipped than most. She's resourceful Bones – she has been as long as I've known her, and that's been a pretty long time." He smiled. "I fell down a mine shaft once and broke my leg and she rescued me using a few sheets of metal and the contents of that medical pack she always carried on her." McCoy snorted. He didn't wonder that she always carried one, looking after a boy like him. "And I've yet to meet someone that doesn't like her. Even you do, and you don't like anyone!" He had no idea. "If there are some beings down there I'm sure that she'll charm the socks off them."

McCoy exhaled slowly. He felt slightly better, but couldn't get the image from his mind of her lying at the bottom of a hole alone. "I hope you're right, Jim."

"Of course I am." He slapped him on the back as they began to land. "Come on, let's go and find her."

Spock set-down close to the crash site and they began to scan the area. Jim crawled under part of the ship, and confirmed there was a body. "I've never seen anything like it. It's humanoid, but an entirely new species." He passed him a picture he'd taken and McCoy nodded his agreement – he didn't recognise it either.

"Captain, I believe that the being was actually in a tunnel when the ship hit. The amount of sediment on top of him is consistent-."

"All right, Mr. Spock, I believe you. So there are tunnels under there?"

"Yes sir."

He flipped open his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise."

"Scott here."

"We think we've found tunnels underneath the surface of the planet. Can you confirm."

"Captain, Chekov here." The Russian's accent sounded thicker across the airwaves. "There are caves across almost that whole planet. Some of them are too perfect to be natural. I'm also picking up some sort of energy signal three kilometres from your position about two hundred metres below the surface."

"Could it be the women?"

"I cannot tell, captain."

"Fine. Send us the coordinates." He glanced at his tricorder. "What do you think, Spock?"

"It is difficult to determine, but currently there seems to be no other course of action but to establish the source of the energy signal."

"I agree. Let's go."

McCoy scowled at him. "Are you not going to ask my opinion?"

"I don't have to Bones." He grinned at him. "You should have brought your hard hat." McCoy rolled his eyes, and together they crawled under the ship and slipped into the passage below.

"Fascinating." Spock said for perhaps the tenth time, and McCoy resisted the urge to hit him. There was no doubt the passages were man-made – and clearly by beings with a high level of technology since some of them looked barely able to carry the weight of the earth above. McCoy was sure he'd find it all very interesting, had his mind not been distracted by other thoughts. Like the fact that the woman he loved was trapped down here. And that some of the passages seemed ready to collapse at any moment.

"We're not far now." Jim told them. "Phasers out."

He pulled it out of his holder and switched it on. They crept closer. There was light at the end of the passage. Then their phasers were pulled from their hands by an unseen force, and into what he was sure was a solid wall.

"What the..." Jim whispered, and touched the wall. It was most definitely solid.

"Interesting." Spock commented. That wouldn't have been his word of choice.

He glanced behind him, and frowned. "Well, there's no going back now."

Jim grinned at him. "That's the spirit."

"Because we don't have a choice." He indicated to the very solid wall that had suddenly appeared behind them. "Does any one else feel like we're walking into a trap?"

"The doctor's assessment is correct. It does seem like we have been led here."

"I know I'm correct." He retorted. He was starting to feel very bad. They'd be no good to Chapel if they got themselves captured.

"Well, not much we can do." Jim said dryly. "Let's see what we're facing, shall we." It wasn't like they could do anything else.

They stepped out and into a large moonlit hall and his eyes took a moment to adjust. There was a group of women at one end. They were alive but even in their light he could see that they were broken. Many of them were curled up onto the floor, some were rocking. Even from their distance he could hear their weeping. What the hell was going on? He searched for Chapel and found her standing a little apart, next to some sort of throne, filled by an alien that right then he didn't give a damn about other than to tear apart. Damn it, it had killed all those people. It had killed _children_. It had taken Chapel right off the Enterprise. She met his eyes and some of the anger he felt turned to fear. She looked awful. She was wearing the clothes she must sleep in – shorts and a t-shirt, and her arms and legs were bruised and bloody. So was her face. Her eyes were hooded and stricken. Right then he wanted to go to her, but felt a warning hand on his arm as a voice filled his head.

"You must choose which one dies first Christine Chapel." The voice was deep and made his bones shudder. What the hell?

He exchanged a glance with Jim, who was clearly as bewildered as him, but certainly not as angry. "Sit tight." He murmured. "Be ready to run." Spock took his place beside him as the captain approached the being.

His voice was confident, and more reasonable than the being deserved. "Not so hasty. You could at least tell us what we've supposedly done before you put us to death."

The being pointed a long finger at Christine, who had gone pale. "Explain."

He watched as she swallowed. This was bad. It took a lot to shake Christine Chapel. "The Lady's consort was killed by the crash landing of the transport. She seeks to make all women understand her... grief by killing people that they care about." She frowned, then turned to the being. "But they don't care about me – not like that. You don't understand. I work for them. I serve them. I am nothing to them in the way you mean. Not blood, or family." If only that were true.

"And yet they followed you."

"Because of duty. Not of other bonds. What is the point of killing people who mean nothing to me?" Those words hurt more than he'd expected.

"I see your mind. You lie." He frowned and then realised. Well of course she had feelings for Jim. She'd looked after him when he was young. And now…? All the women fell for him eventually. Perhaps she had too. Damn it.

"Choose, Christine Chapel." The voice demanded.

For the first time he saw real uncertainty on her face. How could anyone seriously expect this of her? He knew he would never be able to make such a decision.

"I can't. You can't ask this of me." She whispered.

Jim was beginning to look worried. "I understand you are grieving but hasn't there been enough bloodshed? We mean you no harm. You've killed over forty of our people for one life. Surely that is enough, even for your thirst. Listen to reason. We can help you but it needs to end now."

The voice turned his blood cold. "And so it shall." She waved her hand and Jim fell to his knees clutching his head. He ran to his friend's side. He was writhing in agony.

"Enough. Damn it, that's enough." He shouted helplessly.

"Stop it." Christine's voice was icy and Kirk relaxed as the pain ended. He was swearing under his breath, panting as McCoy helped him to sit up.

"Do you think this is a game? Do you think I am not serious? Choose and I will make their passing swift. Otherwise I will take them as slow as you deserve."

He wasn't prepared for the pain that suddenly assailed him. He thought his brain was bursting out of his head. He'd never felt anything like it. He couldn't think, couldn't breath. He wished he was dead.

"Enough. Enough – I will decide." He was vaguely aware of a voice but couldn't focus. Then it ended, and he pulled himself onto his knees, breathing hard. Damn, he wasn't sure if he could go through that again.

Chapel was at Lady's side. He could see her face. She looked young and helpless and beautiful. He loved her - he'd never been more sure of anything in his life. He knew of only one way that he could help her. He needed to make her decision easy. Perhaps if the being killed him her thirst would be quenched and she would leave Jim and Spock, at least for long enough that they could escape. Christine was strong. She could make this decision if he helped her.

He met her eyes and smiled at her. There were worse ways to die than this. It would be quick. Hell, maybe he'd even be a hero. She looked broken and he tried to calm her. It would be ok. He wasn't afraid, not really. He watched her make the decision and felt proud of her bravery.

"You say, Lady, that I cannot know your pain, but you are wrong." Her voice was strong and calm as she approached the being. "I know it. I have shared it. I will show you." Then she took the Lady's face in her hands.

"What the hell…" What was she doing? He felt Spock's hand tightly on his shoulder and glanced at him. He noticed that his top lip was sweating.

"Spock?" Jim asked.

"She is opening herself." The Vulcan told them in a strained voice.

"Opening herself? What does that mean?" Jim frowned. Then the screaming started in their minds, and the other women joined it. Christine was pale, and her nose was bleeding. He didn't know what she was doing, but she was damaging herself. She needed to stop.

"No." Spock's hand restrained him. "It is working."

"Damn it, she's killing herself."

"It is her decision."

"Damn her decision."

The screaming became almost overwhelming. The ground began to quake hard and the pillars started to crumble, the ceiling falling in.

"Spock – the exit." Jim shouted. The Vulcan let him go and sprinted to the arch, and holding it up with his super-human strength. "We need to go. Get Chapel. I'll get the others."

He didn't need to be told. He ran to her and removed her hands forcefully from the Lady's face, wrapping his arms around her as her knees buckled.

"We need to go Chapel. The place is coming down." He stroked her face, wiping away the blood, taking her in. Her eyes were still far away and filled with a pain he had seen once before – the time when she'd gone to pieces at the red alert. He didn't have time to ease it. They needed to get out of here before they were buried alive. He tried to lead her away.

"No." She pulled away from him, eyes anguished. "Help her, doctor. Save her."

Damn it. Why did she have to be so selfless at a time like this? He glanced at the being. Hell, anything he did was just as likely to kill it as help it.

"I can't. There's not enough time and I don't know where to begin. Come on Christine."

"No. You're a doctor damn it. Save her." She shouted at him. She didn't have to remind him of his duty. He didn't need it. He picked her up as she fainted.

"I would help you if I could." He told the being. She had stopped screaming and was looking at him with eyes that mirrored Christine's.

"I see your heart, Leonard McCoy. I am lost but she is not. Take away her pain."

"Bones we need to go." Jim shouted at him across the room. He was shepherding the women through the arch. He could see that Spock was faltering.

"Go." The Lady screamed at him. He didn't need to be told twice. He ran across the room as the rest of the ceiling came down. A new entrance had opened in the tunnel. He smelt fresh air and was sure it would lead to the surface. Clearly Chapel had shown the being enough of herself to make her want to save them. He held her closer and prayed she was ok.

The moonlight had never looked as good as when they reached the surface. Jim was comforting the women in a hushed voice. The sat on the ground huddled together. They'd lost their families and he knew that all the words in the world would never make it right.

"How far away are we from the ship?" He asked Spock.

"Two point seven kilometres." The Vulcan answered without hesitation. Other than looking slightly dusty he would have never been able to tell what he had just been through.

"Jim?"

The captain nodded. "Let's go."

"Doctor, would you like me to carry Nurse Chapel?"

His arms were already beginning to ache but he'd be damned if he let anyone else touch her. "It's fine."

It took almost thirty minutes to reach the ship. The other women walked in silence, numbed to the point of wordlessness, and Christine still hadn't come round. He prayed that there was no lasting damage. Spock laid back one of the chairs and he laid her in it and began to scan her. She had several small cerebral haemorrhages that had raised her intracranial pressure and explained the unconsciousness, but nothing immediately life-threatening. He knew he had thirteen other patients he needed to consider, and it was only the overwhelming feeling of duty that made him leave her.

"Jim, you fly this thing. I need Spock back here." He asked his friend.

Jim nodded and touched Chapel's hand before making his way to the cockpit. He handed Spock a scanner. "Keep an eye on Chapel. Shout if there's any change in her status."

The Vulcan eyed him curiously. Sometimes he felt that the Vulcan could see too much. At least he kept any thoughts he had to himself. He went to the other women and gently scanned them. They looked at him with empty eyes but had no lasting physical damage. He did what he could to ease their pain. An old woman was the only one who spoke to him, grabbing his hand with surprisingly strong hands.

"The nurse. She will be well?"

"I'm not sure yet." He hoped so.

"She is strong."

"Yes, she is."

"We have all lost much, but she has lost the most."

He frowned but understood. "She will recover. You all will."

The woman smiled sadly. "I am too old to recover from a broken heart."

He patted her cheek. "The heart is an extraordinary organ." So was the mind.

"She is awake." The woman told her and he looked up. So she was. Spock appeared to be talking intently with her.

"Damn it Spock, you were meant to tell me when she came round." He forced himself to keep his voice quiet to avoid upsetting the other passengers.

"I was about to do so." The Vulcan replied calmly.

Of course he was. "Indeed. Well go and keep an eye on the others and leave Chapel in peace."

He began to scan her again but felt her eyes on him. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I could be better." Her voice was calm, as always, but held a note of something like pain.

"Well you certainly got yourself into one hell of a mess." He commented to distract himself from his thoughts.

There was a look of hurt in her eyes. "I didn't have much choice in that. She was controlling me. The two men I shot…?"

"You only stunned them. They're fine."

She leant back in relief and shut her eyes. Of course she was more worried about them then herself. Ever the nurse. He touched one of the bruises on her face. Damn, how could she look at him when he was the reason why she had the injuries.

"You were very brave, Chapel." He told her.

She opened her eyes. "I couldn't let her kill you." She whispered sincerely. He frowned. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and soothe her pain. He wanted to kiss her until she forgot everything that had just happened. He wanted to be there for her in a way he hadn't wanted to be there for anyone in a very long time. But he couldn't and he was going to have to deal with it.

"You've done yourself quite a bit of damage, and your mind's going to need some time to heal from the telepathic link. I'm going to give you a sedative, and you should sleep when it wears off."

There was fear in her eyes. "Can she still control me?"

"I don't know yet. I'll need to run a neural scan." He replied. There was no point lying to her. She was a nurse and would see through it. Instead he smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "Don't worry Chapel. I won't let you go anywhere again."

She nodded, and her eyes never left his face as he sedated her.

"Damn it, Nurse Kier, will you leave Chapel to sleep." He shouted across the sickbay as he watched the nurse stroking Chapel's hair and adjusting her neural scanner. Good grief, the woman wasn't going to get any rest at this rate. It had been almost two hours since they had landed back on the Enterprise. The other nurses had been distressed when he'd carried in a bruised and battered Chapel – he thought Nurse Ffoyd would cry – but they had rallied well when he had explained the situation to them. He had to admit that they had been useful – they had seen to the other women without him asking, allowing him to deal with the more pressing issues. Chapel had clearly been training them hard. Surprisingly, Doctor Zuvolt had also come into his own. The man really should be a psychiatrist. He wondered if should convince Jim to create a ship's counsellor post. The man was lousy as a doctor, but had been remarkable at settling and comforting the women. Who'd have thought?

Now Nurse Ogiri was at Chapel. Damn it. That was it. "Ogiri. What did I say?" The nurse scowled at him sullenly as he approached. This was ridiculous. He picked up Chapel, blanket at all.

"Doctor! What are you doing?" Ogiri squeaked. Good grief, she was looking at him like he was about to abduct Chapel.

"I'm taking her to the bed in my office so she can actually rest."

"But you haven't let us change her yet. She needs to be cleaned up-."

"I'm quite capable to determining what Nurse Chapel needs, thank you Ogiri. Have Nurse Temple bring some clothes for her for when she wakes. I'll be in my office."

The woman watched him with an open mouth as he carried her into his office and kicked closed the door. Chapel murmured nonsensically in her sleep but didn't wake as he laid her down and brushed the hair from her eyes. The bruises were starting to come out on her face. He wondered how she had got them. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He used the dermal regenerator to heal what he could see, then washed the dirt and blood from her face. He scanned her again and was glad to see her ICP had dropped. Whatever had been in her mind was now gone. He sighed with relief and felt exhaustion catch up with him. He removed her blanket to heal the rest of her, then realised what she was wearing and caught his breath. Damn it, why did he have to notice her body at a time like this? He covered her back up and sat down at his desk. He couldn't trust himself to keep his thoughts professional the way he was feeling now, and she deserved better than that. He could wait until she woke up.

He picked up some PADDs but exhaustion took him and he drifted in and out of sleep.

"Doctor McCoy?"

The voice made him jump and he realised he'd read he same line several times. He rubbed his eyes. "Good, you're awake."

"I feel much better. How long was I asleep?" Her voice sounded stronger, more normal.

"Eight hours or so."

He turned to her and noticed that she was looking at him with a peculiar expression. Damn it, she was wondering why the nurses hadn't changed her from her clothing. "I thought it would be best if you slept. The damn nurses were fussing around you and wouldn't leave you alone, so I brought you in here so they wouldn't wake you."

"They were only worried. They care about me." They weren't the only ones. But she was definitely feeling better if she was defending the nurses again. He tried not to smile.

"Well they should have cared for you more quietly. Besides, they had plenty of other patients to be seeing to."

"The other women. Are they all right?"

"Physically, they've suffered from starvation and dehydration, and the effects of the telepathic link. I've treated that as best I can. However, psychologically the effects are more severe. We're taking them to Adigeon Prime – should be there in a few hours. They'll be people to help them there." Doctor Zuvolt had made all of the arrangements. He'd left him to it. He'd been distracted at the time.

"Good. They've been through a lot."

"Yes they have." So had she – not that she'd ever admit it.

"Am I ok to get up?"

"You should be. I've ran scans on you all night. The link has been severed – you're your own person again. However I still need to see to your cuts and bruises – I thought it best to let you sleep." He hoped she would accept that explanation. She frowned at him, but said nothing. She slowly sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

"From now on I'm wearing more to bed." She commented, running hands down her legs. He made a non-committal sound in the back of his throat. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? He thought what she wore to bed was perfect. Damn it, he really needed to stop staring at her legs. Embarrassed he got to his feet and picked up the clothes that had been brought for her.

"I had Nurse Temple bring you some clean clothes, rather than you walking through sickbay as you are. Why don't you use my shower and then I'll heal the rest of your wounds." She nodded and gave him a small smile, then slowly stood up and took the bundle from him.

He shut his eyes and took some deep breaths after she had left. He could hear the water running. He really needed to pull himself together. He sat down at his desk and idly wondered when his last uninterrupted night's sleep was. Certainly some time ago. He promised himself he would sleep after his shift tonight. Otherwise he was going to have to question his own fitness to practise. He wondered about Chapel's. Spock had taken him aside after they had arrived in the sickbay.

"I feel that I must make a comment on the mental state of Nurse Chapel." He had remarked.

"Well? What of it?"

"Through my own telepathic ability I was able to feel some of what she had shared with the lifeform. Emotions run very deep for her and I am not sure that she will be able to continue to suppress that sort of emotion."

"I see." He hadn't been able to respond because he didn't know how she would be when she awoke. But now she seemed normal enough. Suppression wasn't a way of dealing with emotion, but if that what she needed to do then who was he to argue? He would just have to keep a close eye on her.

"Doctor McCoy, could I borrow a dermal regenerator?" Chapel shouted to him from the bathroom. He frowned and picked it up, then knocked on the bathroom door. "You'd better come in. I think I might faint." Oh hell.

He entered and the sight that met his eyes left him speechless. She was sat against the wall looking light-headed, wrapped in just a towel as blood streamed down her arms and legs.

"I would have come and got it myself but I didn't want to walk blood over your floor." She smiled up at him as if it were perfectly normal for her to be sitting half-naked in his bathroom bleeding all over the floor.

Damn it, but there was a lot of blood. The situation seemed almost surreal. "Chapel, have you even tried to stop the bleeding?"

She looked embarrassed. "I didn't want to get any more of your towels bloody."

Good grief. "Damn the towels." He knelt down beside her and wrapped her legs tightly in a one to slow the bleeding. Damn it, he should have known this would happen. He should have examined her properly. He was an idiot. "Put your head between your knees Chapel." He ordered.

"I hadn't realised that they were so deep, or I would have been more careful when I cleaned them." She murmured. He brushed the wet hair from her face and was suddenly glad that she hadn't tried to walk to his office. He wasn't sure what he'd have done if he'd seen her standing in a towel next to his desk, but he had the feeling that Jim would have approved, blood or no blood.

"I should have looked at them before you showered." He admitted his mistake. Compared to what else he could have told her, it seemed like nothing. "The other arm, Chapel." She held it out and he continued in his work. He could feel her eyes on his face.

"I'm sorry." He paused. What the hell did she have to be sorry about? "I shouldn't have demanded that you heal the Lady. I know you would have done if you could have."

He glanced back at his work because the sincerity in her eyes was more than he could bear. "Sometimes you have to make decisions. If I'd have tried to save her, we both might have been killed. Spock was holding the arch up. There was no time." He wondered whether he was justifying himself to her, or to his conscience. He removed the towel from her legs. "It doesn't mean I won't question myself about it, though. Sometimes what seemed like the only course of action isn't necessarily the right one. You'll understand when you're a doctor, Chapel." He had let the being die instead of helping it. What was his excuse for that? He took her leg in his hands and wondered what the hell Jim would say if he saw them now.

"I'll never be a doctor." Her voice sounded resigned and sad. He frowned at her. What had brought this on?

"Of course you will be." If he could get his feelings under control and manage not to compromise her in the next five years. "And a better one that I am, I imagine."

"If I'm ever as half a good a doctor as you are, it will be enough." Her voice was so sincere that he smiled. At least she thought he was a good doctor. That was something. He remembered the look in her eyes when she'd told him that she couldn't watch him die. Against all reason he suddenly felt hope that maybe a woman like her could love a man like him. He picked up her other leg. That was ridiculous of course.

"Thank you." He frowned at her. First an apology, and now thanks? "For not asking me about what I had to do." She explained. If he was honest, part of him wanted to, because he wanted to understand. However, he knew that the only information he'd be happy with was the information that she gave freely. He'd be there when she was ready to talk.

"We all have baggage, Chapel." He was a prime example. "Just promise me that you'll tell me if it ever interferes with your work."

"I promise." He believed her.

"Good. Now I'll leave you to get dressed." Before he did something really stupid.

She blushed prettily. "Thanks."

He nodded and managed to pull himself away and back to his desk. He put his head in his hands. Somehow his good night's sleep tonight was looking unlikely.

He looked at her carefully when she came out. Other than slight bruising around her face she looked normal. At least she'd have no visible scars from her ordeal. "You should go and get some more rest." He told her. Sleeping was the best way to heal, and she would still have the emotional effects, even if she hid them from the world.

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I can go back to work." He frowned. Damn it, why did everything have to be an argument with her? "Doctor, if I go to my quarters I'll sit a brood. Right now I can't deal with that. I need to be busy. Please doctor." Her voice took on a pleading note and he sighed. She was determined to have her way.

"Fine, Nurse Chapel. But you need to take it easy. Allow the other nurses to do their job for a change."

She grinned at him. "They always do their job, as you well know. But I will take it easy."

He nodded resignedly and watched her back as she left him alone with his thoughts once more.


	15. Chapter 8 Unwanted Attraction Christine

8. Unwanted Attraction - Christine

_My aim was to write this as a pretty fluffy chapter, since after the recent intensity our characters deserved a little break from large, emotionally compromising situations. However, unfortunately, McCoy is about as fluffy as a cactus, so this is how it turned out. At least is only a small situation! I also thought it'd be nice to show how their relationship has developed in an everyday setting. Be prepared for more drama in the next chapter. Thanks for reading._

Five weeks after her first away mission Christine walked briskly down the corridors of the Enterprise wearing her green dress and heels. She tried to ignore the appreciative gaze of several crewmen she passed – although she had to admit it boosted her confidence somewhat. She was not looking forward to what she was about to do, and needed all the confidence she could get.

It took her a full minute to locate the Doctor's quarters, and another five seconds to take a deep breath and press the buzzer. There was no answer. She waited a moment and pressed again. And again.

"Damn it, what is it?" She could hear his growl from the inside. She prepared herself for the onslaught as the door opened.

Doctor McCoy frowned when he saw it was her. "Chapel? What the hell are you doing here?" She could tell he'd be sleeping. His hair was an attractive mess and his eyes still drooping. She wasn't surprised to see he slept in his uniform.

"The captain sent me, Doctor. He thought you might have forgotten that there is the ambassador's dinner tonight." She kept her voice polite.

"That had damn well better be a joke." His face was clouding over. She felt like sighing.

"No joke, sir. He also had me bring this." She held up a suit. He stared at her, then the suit, then back at her again.

His voice became dangerously low as he scowled at her. "Do you have any idea how little sleep I've had in the last week, Chapel?"

He'd been on two away missions in the last seven days, and had spent a massive amount of time with Jim helping him prepare for the coming negotiations. She'd only seen him for fifteen minutes today, and that was when he told her that he was leaving early before he killed someone accidently. She took in the bags under his eyes, and the way he was leaning against the door and felt sorry for him. However, he wasn't the only one who was tired – they'd had a Tarkelian flu outbreak and she'd spent most of the week either treating or vaccinating the entire ship. She would also rather be sleeping than attending some dinner.

"It's the captain's orders, Doctor, so you might as well quit complaining now and get dressed."

"I'm not doing anything. Jim can go to hell. I'm going back to bed."

His voice was attracting looks from some of the passing crewmen. Good grief. Sometimes she felt like she was arguing with a moody teenager instead of her CMO. "Apparently there's a doctor on the delegation who is very interested in meeting you. That captain ordered me to use _any _means necessary to make sure you attend." He'd put a lot of emphasis on the any part.

The way he looked at her was unnerving. Clearly he didn't respond well to threats. "And what did you have in mind, Chapel?"

She pulled a hypospray from her handbag and held it up so he could see what was in it.

"What the hell…? Ilidretanol?" The doctor stepped back as she took a step closer. The contents of that hypospray would drug him into an euphoric state for a few days. It would also mean he'd be highly obedient. She wasn't sure where Jim had got it from – it was highly illegal – nor why he had such a drug. To be honest she didn't really want to know.

"The captain stressed to me the importance of your attendance to the outcome of the talks, doctor." She took another step closer.

"You wouldn't dare."

She smiled at him calmly. Actually, she wouldn't dare, although part of her did wonder what the doctor would be like in such a state. However, she was fairly sure that the threat would be enough. "Would you like to test me?"

He met her eyes for a second. Surprisingly she thought she saw amusement there. However his scowl deepened and she realised she must have been mistaken.

"Damn it." He moved out of the way and let her into his quarters. She tried not to smile her relief.

"There's thirty minutes before we have to be there." She told him. "Computer – lights."

"Damn it." He repeated, squinting and pulling off his top. She tried very hard not to look at his chest as she handed him his clothes. She didn't succeed. Where had he been hiding a body like that? She tried not to blush as her thoughts went to places that they most certainly should not have been going. Good grief, she was a nurse. This was hardly the first time she had seen a man shirtless. It wasn't even the first time today.

He was frowning at her. "You know, I am quite capable of dressing and transporting myself to the dinner, Chapel."

She smiled at him. "And we both know that if I leave you'll go right back to bed and won't answer the door to me again." He rolled his eyes and she knew she was right. "Now hurry up and shave."

Grumbling to himself he went into the bathroom and shut the door. She could have almost sighed in relief. She really needed to find a way to curb her attraction to him before she embarrassed them both. To distract herself she began to look around his quarters. They were bare – but she supposed he didn't spend much time in them. A pile of PADDs sat on his desk – more crew reports that they'd been working on a few nights ago and a paper she had written and had asked him to correct. There were no ornaments like there were in Gaila's and Uhura's quarters. That surprised her because even she had collected a few items in the time she had been aboard the ship. She supposed that he kept most of his things in his office. There was an unmade bed which she couldn't help but straighten, smoothing back the pillows and tucking in the sheets. She noticed there was a single picture on the bedside table. She frowned and picked it up.

It was of a young girl – she must have only been four or five. She was sitting atop a black and white dappled pony on a grassy trail, trees on either side of her. She was beautiful, with long dark brown hair and soft brown eyes. She was grinning happily.

"My daughter." She jumped so hard she almost dropped the picture. Good grief, for a man who made so much noise when he spoke he could move like a panther when he wanted to. She hadn't even heard the door open.

She placed the picture back down and turned to face him, trying not to look guilty that she had been looking at his things. He was leaning against the bathroom door, doing up the buttons of his shirt and frowning at her. Since when had he had a daughter? She had spent the best part of almost every day with him for more than three months and he had never once mentioned having children. She suddenly felt like she didn't know him at all.

To cover her disquiet she smiled at him. "What's her name?"

"Joanna."

"I can see the resemblance." She really could – those dark eyes and hair. The only difference was the expression of unabashed joy on her face, an expression she couldn't imagine on the doctor.

"It was taken a few years ago. She'll be eight now."

There was something in his voice she wasn't sure she could identify and she searched his face. "You must miss her."

He made no response but busied himself with his bowtie. She frowned. What man wouldn't admit missing his daughter? Perhaps his feelings were so strong that he found it too hard to talk about them? She knew that wasn't it. There was something else that she was missing – something he didn't want to share with her. Well that was fair enough. He never asked her about her past, so she should at least show him the same courtesy.

"Damn it." He appeared to be struggling, his exhaustion reducing his dexterity.

"Here, let me." She tied it for him quickly, trying to ignore the way he was frowning at her, the smell of his soap and how nice it felt to be close to him.

"I see you've added maid services to your additional duties." The doctor commented as she moved away. She was confused for a second, then realised he was talking about the bed.

She smiled at him. "Must be the nurse in me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Clearly. You know, I still have fifteen minutes…"

"You're not going back to bed. Go and sort your hair out."

"My hair's fine."

"It's not fine. The captain told me to make sure you looked presentable."

"I'm wearing the damn suit."

"And it looks lovely on you." That was most certainly true. "Now go and sort your hair."

"You know Chapel, you might look nice but you're a damn tyrant."

She grinned as he obediently turned back to the bathroom. She straightened her dress, and checked her own hair in her mirror.

"You look fine." He said impatiently, watching her again. She frowned at him. She'd always hated the word fine.

"Good. Let's go."

"Aren't you going to warn me to be on my best behaviour?" He asked as they walked side-by-side.

"No. I'm sure the knowledge of what I carry in my handbag will be warning enough."

"Well at least I know how you keep the nurses in line now."

She bristled. "I don't need to use threats to organise the nurses. They are reasonable people."

"I'm reasonable."

She sighed. "You're impossible. That's why the captain gave me the Ilidretanol."

"Oh, so it's his. I should have guessed. You don't seem like that sort of girl."

She frowned at him as he buzzed the captain's quarters. "I assume that you mean I wouldn't usually be found in possession of illegal drugs."

He gave her a look that said that it hadn't been what he had meant at all and she blushed as Chekov opened the door. "Ah, Doctor McCoy, Nurse Chapel I am wery glad that you are here."

"We're glad to be here, Ensign." She said quickly as McCoy scowled and opened his mouth. "Are they seated for dinner yet?"

"No, Nurse. We are still waiting for the delegation to arrive."

"Excellent." McCoy escaped her and made a dove-tail for Kirk on the other side of the room. She followed him, hoping to intervene before he started to shout.

"Ah, Bones, glad you could make it." The captain handed him a drink.

"Glad? I'll give you glad. Why the hell didn't you just contact me rather than sending Chapel?"

Jim chuckled. "Because I knew that you would require a degree of gentle persuasion."

He snorted. "Gentle? You had her threaten to drug me!"

The captain ignored him and kissed her on the cheek. "You look beautiful, Christine. I knew you'd be able to handle him." McCoy downed his drink in one.

"When are the delegation arriving captain?" She smiled at him and once again wondered how two people so different could be friends.

"Any moment now. Did Christine tell you there's someone who wants to meet you Bones?"

"I don't really give a damn who wants to meet me."

"Now now Bones, I thought you would have guessed who it was from my hint." The doctor stared at him for a moment, then his eyes shifted to her handbag. He went pale.

"Jim, I am going to kill you." He said fervently.

"I thought you'd be pleased." Jim grinned. Christine looked between the pair of them. Clearly she was missing something. "You know, she's meant to be a very good doctor these days." McCoy said nothing. "And she's on the delegation – she's been working on Tauron for the last year." Jim's smile broadened. "As I recall, she also had a particular interest in you. I understand that she only offered to assist when she heard that the Enterprise was going to be involved." He winked at her. "Well there's no accounting for taste." She frowned at him.

"Damn it Jim, that's why you had Chapel dress me up like a prize turkey, isn't it? Well I'm not playing. Go and flirt with her yourself."

"I would, but she's never shown the slightest interest in me. Apparently she likes grumpy old men."

The doctor was staring at him incredulously. "You do recall what happened the last time we met, don't you?" Christine began to feel like she would explode with all the questions she wanted to ask.

Jim frowned, and for the first time Christine saw that he looked worried. Clearly he wasn't as relaxed about the negotiations as he led everyone to believe. "Bones, listen to me. She's the key to these peace talks. The Tauron's listen to her. If you can sway her, we might have a chance at this."

"So you want me to prostitute myself?"

"No, just talk to her. And if you want it to lead elsewhere, that's up to you." Christine began to feel ill, but wasn't sure whether it was for herself or the doctor.

"If I don't play, you'll have Chapel drug me, won't you?" He scowled at them both.

"No – you're rubbish at flirting normally, let alone under duress." She wondered how often such situations had occurred in the past. "Besides, Chapel would never drug you. She already made that quite clear." McCoy looked at her and she shrugged. That was true. She'd told the captain in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't do it. She could threaten fine, but there was a line that she wasn't willing to cross, irrelevant of orders. She needed her CMO to trust her.

"Think of it Bones. There are millions of people on that planet that could benefit the use of the medical supplies they'd get from a treaty with the Federation. Would you really make them miss out because you were unwilling to sacrifice your dignity for one night?"

Christine knew that he'd just played his trump card. She knew McCoy would do almost anything to alleviate suffering.

"Damn it Jim." He sounded resigned and the captain slapped him on the back.

"Good stuff. Don't worry, I've got your back. I wouldn't want her to drug you again."

Christine felt suddenly panicked. "Wait, she drugged you?" The captain couldn't be serious? Unfortunately a few more things made sense now.

McCoy made no reply. The delegation had just arrived.

She began to feel a sense of foreboding as she watched them enter and searched his face. There was only one Human on the delegation. She was dark, with olive brown skin and short black hair. She was beautiful. She scanned the room and saw that most of the men's eyes were indeed on her. The worry pricked further at her mind.

"Welcome to the Enterprise." Jim was saying. "We hope that your time here is a pleasant one and we build many bridges between the Federation and the Tauron people."

A Tauron stepped forward and bowed. "We are grateful for your hospitality."

The exchanged continued for some time and she glanced at Uhura. The woman mouthed "What's wrong?" Clearly her face had not been as blank as she'd meant to keep it.

She looked pointedly at McCoy, then mouthed "later". Uhura nodded.

"We have prepared a dinner. If you would like to be seated." Jim said and people began to move. The seating was set and she found herself next to the Captain at one side and a Tauron on the other. The doctor was out of listening distance, far down on the other side of the rectangular table, with the woman next to him. Dinner started and she performed her duty as head nurse and began to talk to the Tauron next to her, a biologist. She was glad of her background in the natural sciences – she found the conversation stimulating as they discussed the flora and fauna of Taurus, and their current vaccination program. However her eyes kept drifting down to the doctor and the woman. There were in a deep conversation. She was smiling at him prettily and kept touching his arm. He was looking down at her with an expression of amusement. She felt a stab of something akin to jealousy as she watched them. Not that she had any right to be jealous. His private life was none of her business. Their relationship was purely professional after all.

"Are all nurses as knowledgeable as you in the Federation?" The Tauron asked her with a smile.

"I was trained as a biologist before I joined the StarFleet, so I have a slightly better grasp in the biological sciences compared to some of my colleagues."

"I see. What was your specialty?"

"Archaeological medicine." She wished she hadn't said anything as soon as she saw the flicker of recognition in his eyes.

"Ah – like Doctor Roger Corby."

"Yes."

"I have read many of his works. He truly is the father of archaeological medicine, is he not? Have you ever met him?"

"Yes." She began to feel ill. Roger was not a subject she wanted to discuss right now. "But tell me, is archaeological medicine a strong discipline among your people?" She almost sighed with relief when he allowed her to change the subject.

Sometime later the Tauron's attention was taken from her to his other dinner companion she found herself watching the doctor again. He was watching the woman intently, frowning slightly as she talked.

"Stop worrying." The captain touched her hand. "He's pretty good at taking care of himself."

She frowned at him. She wasn't sure she completely forgave him for using her to coerce the doctor to do something that was plainly wrong. "Perhaps you should tell me, captain, how exactly Doctor McCoy knows the lady."

"Her name is Vernoa Vellicuo. She was a trainer at the academy."

"I don't remember her."

"Perhaps she was a little after your time." He smiled boyishly and she felt suddenly old.

"Why would she drug the doctor?"

"I have no idea. I think it was simply because he wasn't interested in her. Who knows why – I would have said she's exactly his type. To be honest, when a beautiful woman throws herself at you, only an idiot says no." She slowly shook her head at him. "Well I suppose he'd just come out of a messy divorce." He added. "Anyhow, his indifference drove her crazy I guess. She had a bit of a breakdown, locked him in our quarters and drugged him. He was supposed to be meeting me, so I went looking for him after a bit, rescued him before he did anything he'd regret in the morning, and that was that."

"What, he didn't press charges?"

"Nope. I don't think he was keen on destroying her career when she was 'sick'. He got her some psychiatric help, and she left as a trainer just after that."

She sighed. That was unfortunately just like the doctor. "Well I suppose she's probably better now."

Jim smiled. "Probably. Although she does still seem to be interested in Bones. That sounds sick to me." His eyes were on the attractive doctor.

"You're only jealous."

"Jealous? When I'm sitting next to the most beautiful woman in the room?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Are you ever going to stop flirting with me, captain?"

"When you stop liking it I'll consider it."

"I don't like it."

He chuckled. "Of course you don't."

"I also don't like the way you forced him to do this."

"He made his own decision."

"You made him feel like he'd be a bad doctor if he didn't do it. You know what he's like."

He shrugged. "We all have to do our duty for the good of the Federation."

"Spare me. If anything bad happens to him, I'll hold you personally responsible, _captain_."

He looked at her with amusement. "I suppose I would too, _Nurse Chapel_." He chuckled. "You should have seen him last time. On Ilidretanol he's almost happy. It was terrifying. Believe me, I won't put him through that again." She almost laughed at the sincerity of his expression. "I've got some members of our security team watching her just in case. Believe it or not, I do actually care what happens to Bones. I wouldn't have asked him to do this if I'd had a choice."

She looked at him. "I do believe you care about him – but there's always a choice."

He sighed. "Well, you never know, I might have done him a favour and she'll turn out to be the love of his life."

She found her eyes on the pair again. Although she didn't know the woman, she supposed they were well matched. Both were talented doctors, both good looking, both with questionable mental states. The strength of the jealousy that flared in her surprised her. She pushed it away and attempted to focus on the conversation occurring between the Taurons beside her. Good grief, she was attracted to the man, that was for sure, but she was going to have to get used to the idea that he was going to have relationships outside the medical bay that had nothing to do with her. The thought made her feel slightly nauseous. Why? Because she wanted a relationship with the man herself? Well that was ridiculous and she should know better. She had shut down that part of her life a long time again and promised herself she would never go down that road again.

"Now Chapel, I do believe it's time for coffee. Please excuse me, there are two Taurons over there that I have yet to greet properly."

She followed his eyes and was not surprised. "Naturally they're female."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Of course you hadn't." He grinned at her as he left.

She stood more slowly, scanning the room for Uhura. She was already occupied with three Taurons and she would have to wait again to speak with her. Perhaps she was worrying over nothing. The doctor was an adult after all, and they were in a crowded room full of people. What exactly was she expecting to happen? Sulu waved her over and she joined him, relieved that she wouldn't have to stand alone or make small talk with Taurons.

"How are you Christine?" He greeted her with his usual smile.

"Fine. Tired, if I'm honest. How are you?"

"Not bad – much better since that flu. We can practise tomorrow night again if you fancy."

She smiled at him. "Sounds great – as long as you feel up to it."

"Of course. You can't keep a man like me down for long."

Hikaru Sulu had become a good friend to her on the Enterprise. She practised kendo and taekwondo with him for a few hours twice a week, and afterwards they would often get a drink in the mess and talk. She thought that he enjoyed the company just as much did. The Enterprise could be a lonely place for a homesick married man. She had spoken to his wife a few times – and his little girl once or twice – she often called while they were together. Christine genuinely liked her. She was a photographer, was smart and confident, and adored her husband. Sulu clearly adored her back. She had never seen a couple more loving and trusting of one another than them – even lightyears apart. She was glad that people like them existed in the universe. It gave her faith in mankind.

They converse for a few minutes before she noticed that the Tauron scientist who had accompanied her at dinner was waiting to speak to her.

"Excuse me Hikaru. Duty calls."

"No problem. Good luck."

With a smile she left him and joined the Tauron

"Nurse Chapel, please allow me to introduce you to some of my colleagues." The Tauron asked her politely.

"Of course." She followed him and was surprised, but not upset, to find that he led her towards Vernoa Vellicuo. The woman had been abandoned by McCoy, it would seem. She found she was relieved.

"Here she is Doctor Vellicuo. Nurse Chapel, this is one of my colleagues on the project I was telling you about. Doctor Vellicuo, this is Nurse Chapel. Her background is archaeological medicine. She's actually met Doctor Roger Corby!"

"Indeed?" The woman was looking her up and down in a way that made her skin crawl. She instantly knew exactly what type of doctor she was. She had met plenty of them before. "You've met him how exactly?"

"I worked with him on a few projects several years ago." She forced herself to meet her eyes. This was not a conversation that she wanted to be having but she had learnt long ago that you didn't show weakness in front of people like her.

"I see. That was before he went missing then?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe you've met him." The Tauron was saying. They both ignored him.

"You're name is Chapel?"

"Yes."

"Wasn't Doctor Corby engaged to a woman called Chapel?"

How did she know that? She attempted to push away her panic. "Yes."

"It must have been horrible for you when they found him." There was no sympathy in her voice, but a manic, calculating glint in her eye. She was suddenly very sure that the woman was still psychologically unstable. That did not bode well for McCoy. Fear for his safety overrode any other emotion. She was going to have to play this carefully. She didn't know the rules of this game yet.

"It was not pleasant."

"I suppose it explains why you are only a nurse now." Only a nurse? The woman was trying to bait her. Why would she do that? They'd only just met.

"I enjoy working as a nurse."

"Is that so? Well I suppose such menial work is pleasant for _some_ people. I'm not sure how I would manage working in such a limited sphere." The Tauron excused himself and left. Christine didn't blame him. She wondered how the being had managed to work with such a poisonous person every day.

"The Enterprise ensures that my work is more varied than you might think."

"So Leonard says, although I don't really believe him. A doctor like him is wasted on a starship. He should be doing research instead of being trapped patching up a crew, don't you think?"

_Leonard_? "Doctor McCoy's research is very good. However, I disagree. The doctor has saved many lives on this ship. Surely that is the major goal of any doctor in Starfleet?"

"So you think that research isn't important?" She frowned. She hadn't said that. "Well I supposed I should expect such close-mindedness. In my experience nurses are always happy to be spoon-fed new protocols, but give no thought into how they were developed."

Good grief. If Uhura had been in her shoes right now, she was fairly sure she would have slapped the woman. She kept her voice calm. "That isn't quite true. I appreciate that research has an important place in medicine, and we have been working some projects of our own within our sickbay. However, it must be balanced with more practical aspects."

"You have been assisting Leonard in his research?" Her eyes were becoming alarming.

"Doctor McCoy. Yes."

"I'm amazed he allows you."

Christine frowned. She was a scientist in her own right, and was just as capable of research as McCoy. The woman was deliberately trying to provoke her, and the reason still remained to be seen.

"Here, Vernoa." McCoy returned and passed the woman a PADD. He met her eyes for a second and she saw an eddy of emotions in their darkness.

"Thank you Leonard. I was just having an interesting talk with one of your nurses here. Claire was it?"

"Christine Chapel is my head nurse, Vernoa." The doctor told her before she could answer. "She's been quite useful helping me compile the research you're holding." Compile it? She had carried out most of the practical side of things herself.

"Fascinating. Well that's lovely that you've allowed her to help you out. I'm sure it will improve her chances of getting work once she leaves the Enterprise." The woman couldn't have sounded more patronising if she tried. If anyone else had taken that tone of voice she was sure that the doctor would have sworn at them. However, he simply shrugged. "You know I was thinking of perhaps taking an active service position again. It was hinted to me that you might need another doctor in the next year or so. You and I would work well together, don't you think?" Christine cringed. There was no way she was going to allow that woman in the sickbay unless it was as a patient.

McCoy smiled at her. "I think that we perhaps would."

"And it would be so nice for you to have someone who really understands things at the right level. I'm sure that Nurse Chapel does her best, but some of your research must be well over her head."

Christine stared but bit her tongue. "Yes, I'm sure it would take some of the pressure off Nurse Chapel." He said mildly. Wait – he agreed? Or was he just saying that? She was beginning to feel ill. "You know Vernoa, I've been very interested in doing an immunological study on Tauron healing. If Taurus becomes a Federation planet it would be a good project for us to work on – especially with your expertise."

"Yes, it would be. Let's hope that the Taurons vote for the Federation then."

"Yes. You know, I don't think there's anyone in Starfleet who knows the Tauron psyche better than you. There is certainly no one that holds more sway amongst the Tauron people. If you could help them to see the advantages of joining the Federation, you and I could do great things." Hearing the doctor use that flirtatious, complimentary tone of voice was eerie. She wouldn't have thought him capable of it. She wondered if he had learnt it from Jim. It definitely didn't suit him.

The woman giggled and Christine almost rolled her eyes. "Now now Leonard, you know I'm keen for Taurus to join the Federation, but really, I don't hold near as much sway as you think."

"You're being modest, Vernoa. You always were good at earning the respect of people."

"Did I ever have your respect, Leonard?"

"Of course. You still do."

Christine looked down at her shoes. This was horrible – mostly because she wasn't sure whether the doctor was being sincere or not. Vernoa was, after all, a very beautiful woman. She noticed that the woman kept touching her handbag. It was open and she glanced its contents and her insides froze. She suddenly knew exactly what game the woman was playing. Well, she wasn't going to allow that. Suddenly glad that Jim had taught her sleight of hand as a child, she acted quickly.

"We have many things to discuss it would seem. Perhaps we should continue this in private." Vernoa was saying. She looked pointedly at her and Christine resisted the impulse to slap her.

"Yes. Please excuse us Nurse Chapel." McCoy nodded.

"Of course." She forced a smile. She sincerely hoped he knew what he was doing.

The other ambassadors were beginning to leave, returning to transporter pad. She moved away and found Uhura's eyes on her. She joined her friend.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get away. What's going on?" Uhura asked with a frown.

Christine continued to watch the doctor and his companion. "The captain has asked Doctor McCoy to flirt with Doctor Vellicuo. They're old acquaintances."

"And…?" Uhura looked at her curiously. Clearly she thought she was jealous. Well that wasn't what was sparking her panic. Not completely, anyhow.

"Remember when you met that communication officer from the _Kirmana_?"

"Yes."

"Well imagine him but a hundred times less stable and you'll begin to see what she's like."

Uhura made a face. "That sounds unpleasant. What did she say?"

"She was-." Her words were cut off when she realised that the pair had disappeared. Her heart stopped. She glanced around the room for help but Jim was still in deep conversation with the two Tauran women and there wasn't a security person in sight.

"Christine?"

"I've got to go. Tell the captain to follow me when he's available. If you could find a security team that would be helpful too."

"Of course." She was grateful Uhura didn't ask questions at a time like this. She was already walking out of the room.

In the corridor she didn't know which way to turn, but made a snap decision. She turned towards the doctor's quarters. Here was where she found out whether her intuition was right. She prayed it wasn't.

She buzzed several times but there was no answer. Damn it. Maybe he wasn't inside and she was wrong. But then perhaps not.

"Computer, medical emergency. Security override Chapel delta delta zero five one eight." She would deal with the ramifications later.

The door beeped and slid open and she entered the room, but stopped only a few steps in.

"Doctor McCoy…?"

He was standing in front of her, pale faced and sweating. "Tell her to leave, Leonard. I will do it if you don't."

She turned to see Vernoa holding a hypospray to her own neck. It was as she had thought. Self-injury was only way the woman could manipulate the doctor to do ask she asked.

"You're going to kill yourself if I don't leave?" She questioned as calmness suddenly perfused her. She now knew the rules of this game, and the woman was about to be outplayed. "It's slightly beneath you, don't you think?"

"Leonard. Tell her." The woman pushed the hypospray harder against her skin.

The Doctors eyes left the woman and met her own. There was genuine panic in them. "Chapel, go."

She frowned at him and crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm not going anywhere, Doctor."

"Damn it Chapel, this is between me and the doctor. I'm ordering you to leave."

"I heard the first time."

His voice took on a threatening note. "Chapel-."

She interrupted him and turned back to Vernoa. "I don't think that you'd really do it. What is your plan anyway? Spend one night together and he'll magically fall in love with you and never want to be parted? It's a little childish don't you think?"

"What would you know about true love? We're meant to be together. He'll never doubt my feelings. Unlike you. He left you for another woman, didn't he? I don't blame him. How he could love you - the great-."

She interrupted without hesitation. "If you're going to do it, hurry up and get on with it. You might love him, but I'm fairly sure that he doesn't love you."

"Tell her, Leonard. Tell her that you do."

The doctor hesitated. "Vernoa - wait. Listen to yourself. You're not well."

"TELL HER. Or I will die and you can kiss any hope of Taurus joining the Federation goodbye."

Still the doctor hesitated. "You see, Vernoa." She pointed out. "Did you really think that he would love you after what happened last time?"

"You told her? You promised you would tell no one." The woman was wild-eyed and Christine could tell she was almost there.

"No, Vernoa, I didn't…"

"Of course he did. How many other things, Vernoa? You're whole plan is built on a lie. You could never have him. I think that something inside of you knows that."

"Shut up Chapel." McCoy raised his voice at her.

"No." Vernoa denied.

"Yes. Why would I lie?"

"Because you're jealous. Because you're in love with him yourself."

Christine almost laughed. That wasn't too far off the mark. "No, Vernoa." She said placidly. "I just don't want to see you throw your life away."

The woman met her eyes, and she saw she'd won. "I would have given you everything, Leonard McCoy. You pretended you weren't interested, but you were. All men are. Well it's too late now. It's too late."

She injected herself as McCoy shouted and ran forwards. He caught the woman as she fell and laid her on the ground.

"Damn it Chapel, you damned idiot. What the hell were you doing?" He roared at her.

"Doctor McCoy-." She started.

"She's dead, Chapel. She's dead because you wouldn't shut the hell up and leave."

"Doctor McCoy-."

"Well I hope you're happy. Damn it, I expected better from you. You could see she was sick. What the hell were you thinking?"

"DOCTOR MCCOY." She shouted at him. He stopped and looked at her, stunned. She lowered her voice. "She isn't dead, doctor."

"What?" He looked down at the woman. Her eyes were still open, and she had a peaceful smile on her face.

"Everything's so beautiful." The woman told him.

He stared. Then he gave her a look as his mind caught up. "Ilidretanol…?"

She smiled at him gently. "I swapped her hypospray for mine."

He opened his mouth. Then he closed it and sat down heavily and put his head in his hands. "Damn it Chapel. You could have told me."

"I hardly had time." She bent down and put an arm around him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that though." He looked at her, then opened his mouth. There was a buzz at the door. "That will be the captain." She said quickly and opened the door.

Jim didn't look surprised when he saw her. The security team did however. "Ah Chapel, everything under control?"

"Just about."

"No thanks to you." Bones said from inside.

"And Vernoa?"

"In a very happy place."

"I see." He grinned, and she wondered how much of this he'd actually planned. "Well you'd better let me in." She moved out of the way as he ordered the others to wait outside.

McCoy had pulled himself back to his feet and was looking far more collected when he entered. "I'm not sure how much you owe me Jim, but be prepared for me to collect." He muttered.

Jim frowned as he looked at the woman lying on the ground. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but your flirting does seem to have this effect on women."

McCoy scowled at him, but she smiled. "Actually, I hadn't finished captain."

"Oh?" Jim gave her a searching look. "Well carry on, Christine, by all means."

She knelt down beside the woman. "Vernoa. Can you hear me?"

"Yes. You were right, nurse."

"I know. Now sit up, please." The woman obediently sat up, smiling at her widely.

"Now I need you to listen to me closely Vernoa. In a few minutes the captain is going to transport you back down to the surface. You are going to act as normally as possible. You are going to do everything in your power to ensure that the Taurons join the Federation. Afterwards you are going to return to Earth and submit yourself for a full psychiatric examination. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Repeat the instructions back to me." She repeated them back. She heard Jim chuckling in the background. "Very good. Now stand up." The woman stood and she briskly straightened her dress and hair. "One last thing, Vernoa. As of this moment you will realise that your relationship with doctor McCoy is unhealthy, and that you do not need him, or any man to have a decent and productive life." Jim burst out laughing behind her as the woman nodded her understanding.

"How long will it last?" He asked when he'd managed to control himself.

"About two days." McCoy answered. "Although certain ideas can make a lasting impression. Hence why it is so illegal."

"Fantastic." He said enthusiastically. "Right, come on Vernoa." He led her out and gave instructions to the security team.

"I thought you weren't willing to use it Chapel?" The doctor asked quietly as they watched them.

"I didn't. She used it on herself. I had hoped she wouldn't have used anything, but I didn't want her killing herself." Or him.

He gave her a long look, then quirked her a smile. Butterflies flocked back to her stomach. "I suppose I owe you an apology, Chapel."

"I suppose you do, doctor."

Jim had returned to them, the smile still plastered on his face. "Well that worked out better than I'd planned." He put an arm around them both. "Bones and Chapel – what a team."

She exchanged a look with the doctor, and couldn't help but grin. The doctor rolled his eyes.

"Jim?"

"Yes Bones."

"I'm going to bed. Get the hell out of my quarters."

The captain laughed, and slapped him on the back. "All right Bones. Night Chapel."

"Good night, captain."

He gave them a salute and sauntered out of the room. McCoy was removing his jacket and his bowtie. She supposed that she should also leave before he turned her head again with his shirtlessness. But there was one thing she needed to know.

"Doctor McCoy?"

"Chapel?" He was watching her and she couldn't believe there had only been a few hours since they'd last been standing in here.

"What would you have done if I hadn't come?"

He looked at her for a moment. She knew he understood the real question she was asking. Would he have slept with Vernoa to prevent her killing herself? His voice was quiet. "I don't know. I honestly don't know."

She nodded. That was good enough for her. "Sleep well, doctor."

"You too Chapel."

She gave him a final smile and left to sleep in her own quarters.


	16. Chapter 8 Unwanted Attraction McCoy

8. Unwanted Attraction – McCoy

McCoy hadn't dreamt in a long time. He was dreaming of Earth – of sky and ground and the smell of horses. He dreamt of a crackling fire that lit up a pair of blue eyes and a smile that he wanted to reach out and touch. It was a good dream. Therefore when he heard the buzzer he rolled over and attempted to capture it. He had just drifted off again when it sounded again. He swore and pulled the pillow over his face. Damn it. On the third buzz he pulled himself out of bed and towards the door. Whoever had decided to torture him better be damn well dying, because if they weren't he was going to help them in that endeavour.

"Damn it, what is it?" He shouted and opened the door. For a second he thought that he was still dreaming. There she was, the woman with the blue eyes, dressed in that green dress, her blonde hair pulled up and those legs… However, her eyes were professional. The Chapel of his dreams never had eyes that remote. He pulled himself together.

"Chapel? What the hell are you doing here?"

"The captain sent me, Doctor. He thought you might have forgotten that there is the ambassador's dinner tonight." He had. He had no intention of remembering it and had told Jim the same thing.

"That had damn well better be a joke."

"No joke, sir. He also had me bring this." She held up a suit. A suit? He stared at her, then at it, then at her again. There was no way in a million years he was going to put on that. He was going back to bed.

"Do you have any idea how little sleep I've had in the last week, Chapel?" It had only been a handful of hours, scattered here and there, usually spent at his desk, until he almost fell asleep using a dermal regenerator a few hours ago. He had sent himself to bed before he killed someone. He was sure he'd explained that to Chapel.

"It's the captain's orders, Doctor, so you might as well quit complaining now and get dressed." She had her nurse's voice on – the one she used with difficult patients. Damn it – he was being reasonable.

"I'm not doing anything. Jim can go to hell. I'm going back to bed."

She fixed him with a frown. "Apparently there's a doctor on the delegation who is very interested in meeting you. That captain ordered me to use _any _means necessary to make sure you attend."

Any means? She was threatening him? He could only think of two ways that she was going to get him there, and one was over his dead body.

"And what did you have in mind, Chapel?" This should be interesting.

She reached into her handbag and pulled out a hypospray. She turned it so he could see the contents. Damn it – it would seem she had discovered a third way. "What the hell…? Ilidretanol?" She stepped towards him and he took an unwilling step back. Certainly a fate worse than death. He'd had direct experience with the drug in the past, and he had no desire to meet it again.

"The captain stressed to me the importance of your attendance to the outcome of the talks, doctor." Her eyes were calm and hard as she took another step closer.

"You wouldn't dare." He hoped that was true. Unfortunately, the woman gave him nothing.

She smiled at him slowly and calmly. She was certainly interesting when she was acting threatening. "Would you like to test me?" He scowled. Did he really think that she would do it? He was fairly sure that he had an idea of her character by now, and this wasn't part of it. But then she was the sort of person that always followed orders. Especially ones that Kirk gave her.

"Damn it." He moved out of the way and let her into his quarters.

She was all efficiency, as usual. "There's thirty minutes before we have to be there. Computer – lights."

He squinted in the light. "Damn it." He pulled off his top and she handed him his clothes. She was blushing and he almost smiled. Only a woman like her could look at undressed men half the day, then become all prim when he did the same thing. He supposed that it didn't help that they were in his quarters and she was looking at him in a way that was testing his resolve not to reach out to her.

"You know, I am quite capable of dressing and transporting myself to the dinner, Chapel."

She smiled at him sceptically. "And we both know that if I leave you'll go right back to bed and won't answer the door to me again." She knew him too well. That was exactly what he would do. However, that wasn't exactly the reason why he wanted her to leave. "Now hurry up and shave." Her voice broke no arguments and he frowned at her but obediently went into the bathroom.

He washed and shaved quickly and sized up the suit. It was tailored. How the hell had Jim managed to get him a tailored suit? He pulled on the trousers and began to do up his shirt but the idea of Chapel wandering his quarters managed to draw him out. She was looking at the picture on his bedside table. The only picture he had in his quarters.

"My daughter." She jumped and almost dropped the picture, then placed it carefully placed it back down looking guilty. He hadn't meant to tell her. Jim was the only person who knew about her on the ship, and that was simply because he was damn nosey. But there was something about her that made him want to tell her all his secrets.

"What's her name?"

"Joanna."

She smiled. "I can see the resemblance." She sounded unfazed, as if she had expected him to have a child. It reassured him.

"It was taken a few years ago. She'll be eight now." Eight years old. He hadn't seen her for more than a year.

"You must miss her." She was searching his face, and he found that he wanted to tell her everything. But there were some things he couldn't talk about – and his failure as a father was one of them.

"Damn it." He struggled with his bowtie. He didn't do well with this little sleep and Chapel confusing his mind.

"Here, let me." She was tying it for him without hesitation. He smelt her smell of pear drops and perfume tonight. She felt good this close, her hands brushing his neck. But she was going to be a doctor. He glanced around his room for something else to focus on before he made a mistake.

"I see you've added maid services to your additional duties." He commented as she stepped away.

She looked confused, but then smiled. Damn, he loved her smile. "Must be the nurse in me."

She was also very good at reminding him his previous mistakes. He was really a bit of an idiot. "Clearly. You know, I still have fifteen minutes…" He just wanted to sleep. She was welcome to join him if she so desired. He noticed that she looked tired.

"You're not going back to bed." Damn, she was a mind reader. "Go and sort your hair out."

He scowled. "My hair's fine."

"It's not fine. The captain told me to make sure you looked presentable."

Why was she torturing him? "I'm wearing the damn suit."

"And it looks lovely on you. Now go and sort your hair." She really wasn't going to give an inch.

"You know Chapel, you might look nice but you're a damn tyrant."

He didn't fail to miss that smile as he headed back to the bathroom. No one was able to turn an insult into a compliment better than her. He tore a brush through his hair, made sure it was flattened they amused himself watching Chapel for a few seconds longer. She was smoothing her hair in the mirror. He wondered what the point was. She rarely had a hair out of place, and the woman would look beautiful wearing a brown sack.

"You look fine."

She frowned at him. Clearly the comment was unprofessional. Well he was sleep deprived. It was her own fault. She was lucky he'd been so controlled.

"Good. Let's go."

"Aren't you going to warn me to be on my best behaviour?" He asked as she matched his pace despite her heels.

"No. I'm sure the knowledge of what I carry in my handbag will be warning enough."

That was true. "Well at least I know how you keep the nurses in line now."

She scowled at him. "I don't need to use threats to organise the nurses. They are reasonable people."

She really was trying to torture him tonight. "I'm reasonable."

She sighed. "You're impossible. That's why the captain gave me the Ilidretanol."

"Oh, so it's his. I should have guessed. You don't seem like that sort of girl." There were a certain type of woman that favoured the drug, and he doubted that she fitted into that category. Thank goodness.

She frowned at him as he buzzed Jim's bell. "I assume that you mean I wouldn't usually be found in possession of illegal drugs."

He almost smiled. Surely she wasn't that naïve? Her blush told him that she wasn't. That was an entertaining thought.

Chekov answered the door. The boy looked about ten, as per usual. "Ah, Doctor McCoy, Nurse Chapel I am wery glad that you are here."

Well he wasn't. He would have said so too, had Chapel not jumped in, throwing him a warning look. "We're glad to be here, Ensign. Are they seated for dinner yet?"

"No, Nurse. We are still waiting for the delegation to arrive."

"Excellent." He had time to kill Jim before they arrived. He spotted him instantly, and made his way across.

Jim was grinning at him, clearly pleased that he was tormenting him with the suit. He knew full well that the only time he wore a suit was funerals. "Ah, Bones, glad you could make it." He handed him a drink. Well he was certainly going to need it.

"Glad? I'll give you glad. Why the hell didn't you just contact me rather than sending Chapel?" He could have carried on sleeping that way.

"Because I knew that you would require a degree of gentle persuasion."

He snorted. "Gentle? You had her threaten to drug me!"

Jim looked past him to Chapel. He reached over and kissed her on the cheek. It grated on him and he bit his tongue. "You look beautiful, Christine. I knew you'd be able to handle him." Handle him? Naturally he was some sort of joke between them. He downed his drink in one.

"When are the delegation arriving captain?" She was smiling at him gently. If she had feelings for the man she gave nothing away. But she did seem to respond to him more than anyone else he'd seen.

"Any moment now. Did Christine tell you there's someone who wants to meet you Bones?"

"I don't really give a damn who wants to meet me." He just wanted to go and sleep and dream of a world where his head nurse could actually fall in love with him rather than the captain. And when he could actually have her.

"Now now Bones, I thought you would have guessed who it was from my hint." Hint? What hint? The only thing he'd given her was the suit and the Ilidretanol… Ilidretanol. Oh no. The way that Jim was smiling at him said that he had drawn the correct conclusion. Damn it.

"Jim, I am going to kill you." He said fervently.

"I thought you'd be pleased." He was going to wipe that grin from his face. "You know, she's meant to be a very good doctor these days. And she's on the delegation – she's been working on Tauron for the last year. As I recall, she also had a particular interest in you. I understand that she only offered to assist when she heard that the Enterprise was going to be involved." He winked at Christine. "Well there's no accounting for taste." At least she didn't look amused.

His mind worked quickly. He should have known that Jim was planned to play him as a pawn in this edition of negotiation chess. Spock was still off-ship. "Damn it Jim, that's why you had Chapel dress me up like a prize turkey, isn't it? Well I'm not playing. Go and flirt with her yourself."

"I would, but she's never shown the slightest interest in me. Apparently she likes grumpy old men."

"You do recall what happened the last time we met, don't you?" Damn it, he had almost slept with her under the influence of Ilidretanol. It had seemed like an awfully good idea at the time too.

"Bones, listen to me. She's the key to these peace talks. The Tauron's listen to her. If you can sway her, we might have a chance at this."

"So you want me to prostitute myself?" He was beginning to feel angry.

"No, just talk to her. And if you want it to lead elsewhere, that's up to you." Jim had always thought that he was mad for refusing her in the past. He guessed that the captain hoped that he would be a more eager participant this many years later. He'd always thought they'd be a good match, though what he thought they had in common other than medicine remained to be seen. He knew better. There was no way he'd ever be interested in her, even if Chapel hadn't been on the scene. That reminded him.

"If I don't play, you'll have Chapel drug me, won't you?" Well he supposed that being drugged by her would be marginally better. She wouldn't ask him to do something that he'd later regret.

"No – you're rubbish at flirting normally, let alone under duress. Besides, Chapel would never drug you. She already made that quite clear." He'd been right. He looked at her and she shrugged. Damn it, he should have followed his instincts and gone back to bed. "Think of it Bones. There are millions of people on that planet that could benefit the use of the medical supplies they'd get from a treaty with the Federation. Would you really make them miss out because you were unwilling to sacrifice your dignity for one night?" It would be more than his dignity. The last time he'd been near her he'd felt his own grip on his sanity waver. But Jim was right – how could he as a doctor not do this when he understood better than most the current medical crisis that these people were facing. Besides, Jim was his friend.

"Damn it Jim." He was going to have to do it.

The captain slapped him on the back. "Good stuff. Don't worry, I've got your back. I wouldn't want her to drug you again."

Chapel shot him a worried look. "Wait, she drugged you?" So Jim hadn't told her anything. He felt relieved. There was no time to relieve her fears as the delegation entered. He would just focus on the task and get it done as quickly as possible. A few poorly veiled innuendos, a possible job offer and the pull on her conscience should do it. If she was corpus mentis. Then he was going back to bed.

Vernoa Vellicuo walked in and his eyes joined every other male's in the room. She was beautiful – he couldn't fail to notice. She always had been. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, but her eyes were large and her skin that same shade of brown. He had met her in their first week at the academy. She was a trainer, teaching cadets basic life support and first aid in addition to her research projects. Since he was already a doctor, and had a few years more experience than her, he had helped out. He could tell she liked him, and Jim had teased him about her, but he was a student, albeit an older one, and she was staff. He had no intention of going near her, and he had thought he was safe. The extent of her obsession wasn't made clear to him until a few weeks later, when she had lost it with a female student he had been working closely with in class. A day later, the student mysteriously decided to drop out of the program. He had a feeling Vernoa was behind it, but he could prove nothing. Then he left for a few days to visit Joanna – and when he returned she turned up at his apartment, demanding to know where he had been and what he had been doing and who he had been seeing. He began to see that she was ill then, and tried to persuade her to get some help, but she had thrown herself on him and he'd had to forcibly remove her. He'd thought about reporting her to the CMO, but in his stupidity he'd thought that he could help her alone. He'd believed that if he removed himself from her life she would regain control of herself, that she would be able to see her sickness, so he dropped her class. Unfortunately that was the catalyst that pushed her over the edge. She'd turned up at his apartment in tears and he couldn't help but let her in. When he'd gone to comfort her, she'd drugged him with Ilidretanol and in that joyous haze he'd done many things he regretted. Jim had managed save him from the worse. She left on a research project soon after that. He'd spoken to his CMO in confidence, arranged to get her some help, but they'd agreed that his absence in her life and the correct medication would stabilise her condition, and shouldn't have affected her own practise as a doctor. That was the last he'd heard of her in years. Until now.

"Doctor Vellicuo." He sat down beside her, keenly aware that Jim had placed them together. Clearly he hadn't thought he'd refuse.

"Doctor McCoy." She smiled at him, and touched his arm as he sat.

"It is nice to see you here." Damn, he hated small talk.

"It's nice to be here. I must admit I was keen to see you again after all this time. We didn't part on the best of notes and I've wanted to apologise."

Well that was interesting. Was she cured? "You've nothing to apologise for. You weren't well, Doctor Vellicuo. Who better to understand that than a fellow doctor?"

She giggled irritatingly. "That's true. Please call me Vernoa." She started on her dinner and he watched her carefully for any signs of instability. "Did you tell anyone?" She asked him, hand on his arm. He'd forgotten how much she'd always touched him. That rang alarm bells.

"Only Doctor Puri, who arranged your treatment." He commented. Puri was dead now. That was how he had this job.

"That was kind of you. You must hate me for what I did."

"I don't hate you." Hate was a strong word, and he was supposed to be flirting with her. Damn it. He decided that he couldn't do it. He couldn't count on the effects of such actions on her psyche. She had been ill and he couldn't lead her on in that way. But he would talk to her. "As I said, you were ill. But you do seem to have recovered well."

"I have." Her hand was still on his arm. "Always the doctor, Leonard." Leonard? The name grated. No one called him that except his mother and ex-wife. The alarm bells rang harder. Somehow he was beginning to disbelieve that she had wanted to see him again to apologise. Damn it, he was going to kill Jim. He should have kept far away from here.

"That I am. But tell me what you've been doing on Taurus." He removed his arm from her hand in the guise of reaching from his drink, and listened to her speak of her development and institution of vaccine. His eyes unbidden strayed to Chapel, who was deep in conversation with the Tauron next to her. She was listening to him with unfeigned interest, commenting on something that made him look impressed. He smiled down at Vernoa and wondered who could fail to be impressed with her intelligence.

"But what have you been doing, Leonard? It must be difficult working on a ship like this."

Difficult? She had no idea how difficult it was. But he also got to see and do things that no one else got to. He glanced at Chapel again. "It has its challenges, but I enjoy the variability."

"Really? I thought that you hated variability. You always said you liked routine and predictability." Damn it, he might have said that once, but how did she remember that?

"I've learnt to appreciate it. Without it I wouldn't have found so many areas of research."

"You have time to do research?"

Only since Chapel had arrived. "My staff are excellent, which affords me more time to consider areas of interest."

"I see." She smiled up at him. "Well I think it's a bit of a shame that you don't get to focus on your research any more. I've heard that the Enterprise has the highest casualty rate in Starfleet." She had to remind him of that. He couldn't decide if she was trying to be insulting or not. Was she trying to say that he wasn't cut out for medical practise? Well, didn't he consider that almost every day?

"The rate reflects the dangerous work that the Enterprise carries out."

"Oh? I thought you were on a discovery mission?"

"We are, but there are plenty of dangerous things that have yet to be discovered." She laughed. "Besides, we are often given missions from Starfleet."

"Like this one?"

"Yes."

"Well I hope that you're not expecting any danger on this mission. You'll have to protect me if you are."

"Of course." She smiled at him as if she'd won some sort of victory. Oh hell.

"Tell me about some of your more recent missions, Leonard."

He told her about a few, keeping to the medical aspects where he could. He hadn't realised how key Chapel had been to most of them – helping him develop vaccines, assisting him in surgery, keeping Kirk away from his new beau. He glanced at her again. Kirk was patting her hand and she was looking at him with a frown. She was annoyed. She often had that look on her face when he'd shouted at the nurses or hadn't listened to her. Well at least someone was fighting his front. When he looked back at Vernoa he noticed that she too was looking at Chapel. There was a dangerous glint in her eyes as she met his. Oh hell she'd noticed. He promised himself that he wouldn't look at the woman again, but he feared it was too late.

"It must get lonely up here for you." She commented.

"Not really – I have good friends."

She smiled at him. "That wasn't quite the loneliness I meant."

He frowned at her. "I barely have time for that side of things Vernoa. These days I barely have time to sleep."

"You mean that you don't have a relationship with anyone? You're a handsome man, I don't believe that."

"Well you should."

Her hand was on his arm again. "I hate to think of you being so lonely." It would seem that Vernoa's obsession was still very much present.

He attempted to turn the table. "How about you, Vernoa? Anyone special?" He prayed there was.

"Oh no. There was someone once, but he didn't want me at the time."

He patted her hand and removed it. "Well I'm sure that you'll find the right person one day."

"I think I already have." Damn it. He could see it in her eyes now – that infatuated look. Had her madness come out just because she was with him, or had she kept it for all this time? He was beginning to suspect that she had something planned. He was going to have to keep a close eye on her hands.

He stood up, grateful that dinner had ended. "I should really meet some of your Tauron colleagues, don't you think?"

"Of course. But first, would you be able to get that research I asked for? I'd hate to leave without it." Well at least she was planning on leaving.

"Of course." He shot a frown at Jim and walked back to the sickbay to copy the PADD. He felt somewhat clearer by the time he'd returned, but that feeling disappeared when he saw that Vernoa was talking to Chapel.

"How's it going, Bones?" Jim asked, walking to his side swiftly.

He scowled. "Not good. She's dangerous."

Jim chuckled. Despite seeing it with his own eyes, he usually had a hard time believing that beautiful women could be unbalanced. "Well she doesn't seem to like Chapel much."

He noticed the way the woman was looking at her. "Damn it." He didn't want Chapel disappearing tonight like the cadet. Why did this have to become so damned complicated when he was so tired.

"I might even go as far as to say that she might be jealous of our Christine."

"Jealous?" Of course the woman was jealous. She would be jealous of any female that so much as breathed near him. Damn it.

"She's your head nurse." Jim continued. "She gets to spend all that time with you, and just look at her. Most men would struggle to keep their hands off her."

"Well at least you do." He commented, scowling at his friend and hating the fact he did indeed fit into the most men category.

Jim laughed. "Perhaps I do. Well, I wouldn't worry, Chapel can take her. Just look at the way she's staring her down. I love it when she's threatening."

McCoy looked closed and noticed that she was matching the woman's angry stare with an icy one of her own. He also observed that Vernoa kept glancing down to her handbag, and that her eyes had taken on that possessed quality he remembered. Damn it, he was going to have to step in before something happened to Christine.

"Like it while it lasts, because I'm just about to put an end to it."

He stalked over to the pair and thrust the PADD at her. "Here, Vernoa." The angry look of the woman melted away into suspicion. He was just going to have to convince her that Chapel meant nothing more to him than a nurse. He met Chapel's eyes and saw worry in them. He knew she would have recognised the woman's instability. Thank goodness she didn't understand what the woman was capable of.

"Thank you Leonard. I was just having an interesting talk with one of your nurses here. Claire was it?"

The jealousy would have been amusing under other circumstances. "Christine Chapel is my head nurse, Vernoa. She's been quite useful helping me compile the research you're holding." They both knew that she'd done far more than compile it – the research was just as much hers as it was his. However, in the circumstances, he didn't think that would be a good thing to let her know.

"Fascinating. Well that's lovely that you've allowed her to help you out. I'm sure it will improve her chances of getting work once she leaves the Enterprise." McCoy felt a wave of irritation pass through him. Damn it, how dare she be so rude to Chapel. He forced himself to shrug. "You know I was thinking of perhaps taking an active service position again. It was hinted to me that you might need another doctor in the next year or so. You and I would work well together, don't you think?"

Over his dead body was he going to allow her near his sickbay. His smile was grim. "I think that we perhaps would."

"And it would be so nice for you to have someone who really understands things at the right level. I'm sure that Nurse Chapel does her best, but some of your research must be well over her head."

Over her head? He glanced at Chapel, but she said nothing. At least she understood when to keep quiet. "Yes, I'm sure it would take some of the pressure off Nurse Chapel." He said through gritted teeth. He would have to apologise to her later for that. He played the rest of his hand. "You know Vernoa, I've been very interested in doing an immunological study on Tauron healing. If Taurus becomes a Federation planet it would be a good project for us to work on – especially with your expertise."

"Yes, it would be. Let's hope that the Taurons vote for the Federation then."

"Indeed. You know, I don't think there's anyone in Starfleet who knows the Tauron psyche better than you. There is certainly no one that holds more sway amongst the Tauron people. If you could help them to see the advantages of joining the Federation, you and I could do great things." Good grief, he was making himself cringe.

Vernoa giggled and he fought an urge to stalk away. "Now now Leonard, you know I'm keen for Taurus to join the Federation, but really, I don't hold near as much sway as you think."

"You're being modest, Vernoa. You always were good at earning the respect of people." That had been partially true.

"Did I ever have your respect, Leonard?"

"Of course. You still do." For being a two-faced psychopath.

"Well I'm glad. Coming from you that means a lot. I can't imagine that you find many respectable people around here." She glanced pointedly at Chapel, who was staring at her feet. He swallowed his rage.

"The people here are very diverse." He said blandly.

"Well, we would always have each other, I suppose." He wondered whether she was even listening to him anymore.

"Yes."

"Together on the Enterprise." The look in her eyes was back in full force. He said nothing. "We have many things to discuss it would seem. Perhaps we should continue this in private." She was looking at Chapel pointedly again.

"Yes. Please excuse us Nurse Chapel." He nodded. Far away was the safest place for her.

"Of course." She smiled at them both, but it was somewhat forced. Well of course it would be after listening to Vernoa belittle her for the last few minutes. She moved away and Vernoa smiled and leaned into him.

"That's much better. You know, for a moment I thought that perhaps you had feelings for Nurse Chapel."

He forced himself to chuckle. "Well that would be very foolish, wouldn't it?"

"Yes. She could never understand you, Leonard. She's a nurse after all. She's built to obey, not to lead." The woman clearly didn't know Chapel at all.

"And I want a leader?"

"Yes. You need someone who is your equal." That was supposed to be her? Hell, all of the nurses were more of his equal compared to her.

"Will you walk me to the transporter pad?" She asked and he almost sighed in relief.

"Of course."

They left and walked down the corridor. It was empty and he started to feel concerned. The woman was touching her handbag more often, and moving her lips with no words. Finally, at the junction towards the transporter bay she pulled out the hypospray from her handbag. He had to say he wasn't particularly surprised and moved out of the way.

"Did you really think that would work again, Vernoa?" He asked, grateful that the game was over.

She smiled at him sadly. "No, Leonard. I realise now that that was the wrong way to go about things. How could you see how you feel about me, when you were under the influence? No, this is completely different. You see, I have Aconite in here."

He felt the ground give beneath his feet. Aconite? A lethal poison? "You were going to kill me?"

She shook her head, then pressed the hypospray against her own neck. "No, Leonard. I am going to kill myself." He stared. "All I've ever wanted is to show you your own feelings. Are you willing to let me die?"

Damn it. "What the hell do you want from me?"

"I just want you to listen. But not here. In your quarters."

"You're not well, Vernoa. You don't really want to do this. Let's go to the sick bay instead. Just hand me the hypospray…"

The woman laughed. "I don't think so. You know I've been thinking about this moment for years. I'll do it, I really will." He didn't doubt it.

"Fine. Let's go and talk."

"In your quarters?"

"In my quarters." Damn it, where was Jim?

He led her down the corridor and into his room. She locked the door behind them and he began to sweat. What the hell was he going to do now?

"You know that you love me Leonard. That's why there's no one else. But you're stubborn. It takes actions like this to make a man like you realise."

"You need treatment, Vernoa. You don't really love me."

"Of course I do. Why do you always insist on denying it?"

"Vernoa just listen to me-."

"No, you listen to me. I am standing here and offering you everything. If you refuse me I'll be dead. I think that the Taurons will have a hard time believing that I'd kill myself, so you can kiss your treaty goodbye. I just want one night with you, Leonard. You love me – I know it. It's why you never told anyone what happened. Just admit it to yourself."

Someone pressed the buzzer. For the first time he prayed it wasn't Jim.

"If I do spend the night with you, what then?"

"We'll be together." She said confidently.

"How? I work on the Enterprise and have a full staff. You have to finish your time with the Taurons."

The buzzer went again. He was sure it wasn't Jim now. A security team?

"I'm sure that we can encourage Doctor Seams to go back to retirement." She really had done her research.

The buzzer went a third time. He had a sudden premonition of who it was. Damn it.

"Vernoa, you know that I'm not that sort of man. I'm not just going to sleep with you – I haven't seen you in four years and I barely know you."

"But you do, Leonard. You know me better than anyone else. Don't pretend you haven't thought about being with me. All men have."

Good grief. He then heard the sound he had been dreading. "Computer, medical emergency. Security override Chapel delta delta zero five one eight."

Vernoa moved to the side of the door as Chapel entered her first few steps into his quarters. She looked at him and her eyes widened.

"Doctor McCoy…?"

Oh hell. Vernoa was within an arm's length of her. If she changed her mind she could kill her before she had a chance to get away. Damn, damn, damn.

"Tell her to leave, Leonard. I will do it if you don't." Vernoa ordered him. He had no problem following it but Chapel turned to the woman looking calm and unsurprised.

"You're going to kill yourself if I don't leave? It's slightly beneath you, don't you think?"

Damn it. This wasn't the time to antagonise her.

"Leonard. Tell her."

Chapel looked at him serenely. Of course she wasn't scared of anything. "Chapel, go."

She frowned at him, and folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not going anywhere, Doctor."

"Damn it Chapel, this is between me and the doctor. I'm ordering you to leave."

"I heard the first time."

Why was she always so stubborn at a time like this? He was trying to stop someone dying.

"Chapel-."

But she interrupted him. "I don't think that you'd really do it. What is your plan anyway? Spend one night together and he'll magically fall in love with you and never want to be parted? It's a little childish don't you think?"

"What would you know about true love? We're meant to be together. He'll never doubt my feelings. Unlike you. He left you for another woman, didn't he?" What the hell? "I don't blame him. How he could love you - the great-."

"If you're going to do it, hurry up and get on with it. You might love him, but I'm fairly sure that he doesn't love you." Her voice was hard and icy.

"Tell her, Leonard. Tell her that you do."

He felt himself clutching at straws. "Vernoa - wait. Listen to yourself. You're not well."

"TELL HER. Or I will die and you can kiss any hope of Taurus joining the Federation goodbye."

Damn it. He couldn't. Not when the only woman he wanted to say it to was standing right there.

"You see, Vernoa." She pointed out. "Did you really think that he would love you after what happened last time?"

"You told her? You promised you would tell no one." The madness was clear now. Jim must have told her what had happened.

"No, Vernoa, I didn't…"

"Of course he did. How many other things, Vernoa? You're whole plan is built on a lie. You could never have him. I think that something inside of you knows that." Damn it, what was she doing? Was she trying to make her kill herself?

"Shut up, Chapel." He ordered.

"No." Vernoa was screaming.

"Yes. Why would I lie?"

"Because you're jealous. Because you're in love with him yourself."

Chapel looked amused. "No, Vernoa." She said placidly as the hurt hit him. "I just don't want to see you throw your life away."

Something in Vernoa's face changed and she looked at him as he stood there helpless. "I would have given you everything, Leonard McCoy. You pretended you weren't interested, but you were. All men are. Well it's too late now. It's too late."

"No." He shouted and ran to her, but she was right – it was too late. The hypospray dropped from her hand as he caught her and laid her down. The panic he'd felt turned to pure anger. How could she? Of all people, how could she allow her to die?

"Damn it Chapel, you damned idiot. What the hell were you doing?" He roared at her.

"Doctor McCoy-." She started but he was too furious to stop.

"She's dead, Chapel. She's dead because you wouldn't shut the hell up and leave."

"Doctor McCoy-."

"Well I hope you're happy. Damn it, I expected better from you. You could see she was sick. What the hell were you thinking?"

"DOCTOR MCCOY." She shouted at him and he stopped, mouth open. She'd never shouted at him like that before. Never. She caught her breath and lowered her voice. "She isn't dead, doctor."

"What?" He looked down at the woman. He could see the pulse flickering in her neck, the rise and fall of her chest, a vapid look in her eyes and a serene smile on her face.

"Everything's so beautiful." The woman told him. What the hell? How could she…?

"Ilidretanol…?" He asked.

She smiled at him gently. "I swapped her hypospray for mine." She had swapped them. Of course she had. He didn't know what to say, but relief took the wind from him and he sat down heavily and put his head in his hands.

"Damn it Chapel. You could have told me."

"I hardly had time." She sounded apologetic and tired as she wrapped an arm around him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that though."

He turned sideways and looked at her. She was so close and he had been so scared for her. Vernoa had been right. It was situations like these that made him acutely aware of his feelings. He opened his mouth to tell her, but the door buzzed.

"That will be the captain." She said quickly and opened the door.

"Ah Chapel, everything under control?" He always seemed so damned happy.

"Just about."

"No thanks to you." He pointed out, pulling himself to his feet. So much for him keeping an eye out.

"And Vernoa?"

"In a very happy place."

"I see. Well you'd better let me in."

"I'm not sure how much you owe me Jim, but be prepared for me to collect." He told him as he entered.

Jim frowned as he looked at the woman lying on the ground. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but your flirting does seem to have this effect on women." He scowled. This was all his fault. He would have said so, but Chapel was smiling.

"Actually, I hadn't finished captain."

"Oh?" Jim gave her a searching look. "Well carry on, Christine, by all means." He frowned. What was she up to?

She knelt down beside the woman. "Vernoa. Can you hear me?"

"Yes. You were right, nurse."

"I know. Now sit up, please." The woman obediently sat up, smiling at her widely.

"Now I need you to listen to me closely Vernoa. In a few minutes the captain is going to transport you back down to the surface. You are going to act as normally as possible. You are going to do everything in your power to ensure that the Taurons join the Federation. Afterwards you are going to return to Earth and submit yourself for a full psychiatric examination. Do you understand?" She was a genius. A damned genius.

"Yes."

"Repeat the instructions back to me."

Jim looked at him and gave him a thumbs-up sign as he chuckled. Well of course, he was getting everything he wanted. As per usual.

"Very good. Now stand up."

The woman stood and Chapel adjusted her dress and straightened her hair to neatness. It was like her to worry about things like that – to make sure that the woman wouldn't be embarrassed.

"One last thing, Vernoa. As of this moment you will realise that your relationship with doctor McCoy is unhealthy, and that you do not need him, or any man to have a decent and productive life."

Jim burst out laughing, and even he felt an involuntary smile come to his lips as he felt a load lift off of him. She really was magnificent.

"How long will it last?" Jim asked, gasping.

About two days." He explained. "Although certain ideas can make a lasting impression. Hence why it is so illegal." He had a feeling that her last instruction would be one of the lasting ones. Thank goodness.

"Fantastic." He said enthusiastically. "Right, come on Vernoa." He led her out and gave instructions to the security team.

He came and stood beside his nurse. "I thought you weren't willing to use it Chapel?"

She met his eyes. "I didn't. She used it on herself. I had hoped she wouldn't have used anything, but I didn't want her killing herself." Of course she didn't. How could he have doubted her intentions? She was the best person he knew and the only one he trusted with someone else's life. He really did lose his hold on his sanity around Vernoa.

He smiled at her. "I suppose I owe you an apology, Chapel."

She returned it slightly hesitantly. "I suppose you do, doctor." He was going to have to find some way to make this up to her.

"Well that worked out better than I'd planned." Jim said happily and put an arm around them both. "Bones and Chapel – what a team."

Chapel gave him a look and smiled. Good grief, the man was insufferable.

"Jim?"

"Yes Bones."

"I'm going to bed. Get the hell out of my quarters."

The captain laughed, and slapped him on the back. "All right Bones. Night Chapel."

"Good night, captain." She said sweetly, but did not follow. He was glad. Right now he wanted her near.

He removed his tie and jacket and had just started on his shirt when she spoke.

"Doctor McCoy?"

"Chapel?" He turned to face her and knew that right now he would tell her whatever she needed to know, no matter the consequences.

"What would you have done if I hadn't come?" He knew she was asking him if he would have slept with Vernoa to save the woman's life. He wasn't sure. But he might well have done to have saved hers.

"I don't know." He said quietly. "I honestly don't know."

She nodded and he felt relieved that she asked him nothing else. "Sleep well, doctor."

"You too Chapel." He wanted to reach out and touch the smile she gave him, but she was already moving towards the door.

He slept alone again that night.


	17. Chapter 9 Shore Leave Christine

9. Shore Leave - Christine

_I hope you enjoy this chapter – this has been one of my favourite to write. They really are two of the most stubborn characters I've ever been acquainted with. I don't write songfics. However, I think that Run by Snow Patrol would be particularly suitable for this chapter. I'm sure you'll see why as you read. I'm back to the grind now, so I might not be able to update as often but fear not –the story will continue and Chapel and McCoy shall have their ending. Thanks to everyone that has reviewed. It's much appreciated. As always, thanks for reading._

Christine stepped off the transport and took several deep breaths, filling her lungs with the fresh, clean air of Polaris Twelve. After long months on the Enterprise with little respite it felt good to feel free. She hadn't realised the pressure of the responsibility she carried until now. She moved to look out of the massive observation window of the spaceport and smiled. The city spread before her, carved out of ice and coated in snow.

"What a sight." Uhura commented, joining her at the window.

"It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen." She replied slowly. Her mother would have loved this. She always said it was one of the most perfect places in the universe.

"Are you all right Christine?" Uhura was watching her with unease in her eyes. She must have seen something in her face. "Do you want to talk about it?" She had a feeling that Spock had confided what had happened to her after their first away mission although she had never asked her directly about it.

"I'm fine. Just happy to be off the ship." The past was the past and the dead would still be dead irrelevant. Talking wasn't going to help.

Uhura sighed. "Me too. I'm looking forwards to three days of nothing but relaxation and sight-seeing."

"And of course familiarising yourself with the dialects of the planet."

"Naturally." She exchanged a smile with her. "You'll come shopping with us tomorrow?"

"If a certain person is willing to spare you."

"I believe that person is remaining on ship to oversee the repairs for the day." She sighed.

"Well then that'll be nice. I'm in desperate need of a new dress."

"That makes two of us. The captain does like his dinners."

"I think he believes that food is the great mediator."

"_I_ think he has them to torture McCoy."

Christine laughed. "That may be true. He's usually in a bad mood for days following one."

"You mean he isn't always in a bad mood?"

"No. Actually he's improving." She counted her lucky stars for that. He sometimes tested her patience to breaking point.

"Is that so?" Uhura gave her an amused look. "I wonder why?"

She frowned at her friend and changed the subject. "Where's Gaila?"

"Over there." She pointed and Gaila waved at them brightly. Scotty joined her, dressed in what Christine could only guess was about twenty layers, and she spared them a grin before giving him her full attention. "I believe she's putting her master plan into action."

"That's a terrifying thought."

"I know. You should see how much planning she's put into it. I'm beginning to think she might be wasted in engineering. She's a brilliant tactician."

"I'm not sure whether I feel sorry for Scotty or not."

"He'll enjoy it." Uhura said confidently. "Surely he must have realised that she's interested in him by now, and he still said yes."

"I'm not so sure…" From what she'd seen of the man, he seemed to walk around in his own bubble. "Is there food involved?"

Uhura grinned. "Oh yes. She's finally realised his other love." The man was almost as obsessive about his stomach as he was about the Enterprise.

"Lieutenant Uhura. Nurse Chapel." A colourless voice interrupted.

"Commander Spock." She smiled her greeting, but he only had eyes for Uhura.

"If you are ready, Lieutenant?"

Uhura smiled at him, and she thought she saw his lips turn up in reply ever so slightly. "Certainly. You'll be all right, Christine?"

"You are, of course, welcome to join us, Nurse Chapel." Spock added. She almost laughed. There was no way she was going to be a third wheel to those two. Half the time they conversed in Vulcan and everything went over her head.

"Thank you, Commander, but I have plans." She replied politely, exchanging an amused look with Uhura.

"Very well."

"See you later Christine." Uhura hugged her happily, then took Spock's arm and they feel into step automatically. She turned back to the scene before her, feeling glad that Uhura was so content. She had often wondered how their relationship worked. Uhura was so full of energy and passion and life. She never hesitated in saying what she really thought – which was one of the reasons she appreciated her so much as a friend, and was naturally kind and selfless. Spock on the other hand was cold and dispassionate – well perhaps the word was logical, never said anything he didn't mean, and was often lacking in tact. She supposed they suited each other. And they loved each other of course. That was enough to break down most barriers.

She looked across the city. The streets were teeming with life – people and animals mixing among the snow. She saw brief flashes of colour that suggested that already the Enterprise crew were among them and she imagined their faces laughing, picking out small gifts for their families at home, pointing out new spectacles to their friends with wonder. She felt so remote from them, especially since she didn't have her nurse status to hide behind. When all was said and done what did she really have other than her job at the end of the day?

"Damned ridiculous place to have shore leave." She didn't have to look to know who that voice belonged to. "A few minutes out there and you turn into a human icicle."

"I take it that you don't like the cold then." She replied dryly, glancing at the doctor with amusement. He was in a large jacket and mittens, as handsome as ever, and was scowling at the city in distaste.

"I don't like a sickbay full of hypothermic patients. Don't tell me _you_ like it?"

"I don't mind it. I haven't seen snow in a long time. I'd forgotten how perfect it makes everything seem. You can't say it's not beautiful."

"And you can't say you wouldn't rather be on a sunny beach somewhere."

"I certainly can. I've wanted to come here for a long time."

He looked exasperated. "Why?"

"My parents honeymooned here. I can see why my mother spoke about it so much."

He nodded and without looking at her brushed her hand with his own. The simple action comforted her more than words could. She knew that somehow he understood what she was feeling. After about a minute in silence he glanced at her. "You look nice, Chapel." He sounded surprised. She wasn't sure if she should be insulted or flattered that he'd noticed her appearance for once. "Who are you trying to impress?"

She laughed and turned from the scene before her. She couldn't possibly be annoyed by him today. Yesterday he'd offered to co-publish their research. It had surprised her – she had done a great deal of work on the project, but he was under no obligation to name her, let alone co-publish since it was his. She guessed this was his way of making up for losing his temper with her a week ago, but she didn't mind. He was a man of actions, not words and this was better than an apology any day.

"Nobody in particular." She lowered her voice conspiratorially and leaned towards him. "But you never know, if I get really lucky, maybe Ensign Chekov will buy me a drink." The boy was walking off a transport chatting to another man enthusiastically, and almost tripped himself over. She was fairly sure she heard him utter the word 'Russia' at least three times.

McCoy chuckled, eyes on hers, and she felt herself relax. "I don't know Chapel. You might have set your sights too high there."

She sighed. "I suppose you're right."

He arched an eyebrow. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing giddily. "Besides, you probably need someone who's actually old enough to buy you a drink. Someone like-."

"Who's buying Christine a drink?" Jim interrupted loudly. McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Nobody." She replied. She wondered if the doctor had been about to offer. She supposed now she would never know. She smiled her annoyance.

"Well that's unbelievable. We'll have to remedy that now." He grinned at her.

"Thanks for the offer, but I have plans."

"Plans? With who?"

"Does it matter?" She replied mildly. Frankly, it was none of his business, but she didn't want to be rude.

"Of course it matters!" He gave her a shrewd look. "Are you going on a date, Christine?"

"No I'm not." She was quick to deny. "I'm meeting a friend."

"A good friend…?"

"Leave the woman alone, Jim. What's it got to do with you?" She gave McCoy a relieved smile but Jim frowned.

"I just want to know what she's doing that's worth turning down a drink with us."

McCoy shook his head at him in exasperation and she felt like joining him. "I'm turning down a drink with _you _captain. From what I've seen you'll have no problem replacing me."

"There you are Christine." She smiled as Sulu saved her from any further argument. "Captain Kirk, Doctor McCoy." He nodded to them both.

"Ah, so _you're_ taking Chapel out." Jim grinned at him knowingly.

"Yes sir, my wife got me some tickets to the ice caves so I could take some pictures, and I thought I'd ask Nurse Chapel to come along."

She smiled at him. "I've always wanted to see them." She'd dreamt of the moment as a child, examining her parents honeymoon pictures. Normally the waiting list to see the caves was over a year long so she couldn't believe her luck when Sulu had offered her a chance to see them. However, now the event was upon her she was beginning to feel nervous in a way she hadn't anticipated. This was totally different from the away mission of course – it was ice, not rock, and they wouldn't be underground but among the glaciers. It was the darkness that scared her – and the fear of what she would find among it. It was irrational, she knew. The caves they would be entering were the most commonly used ones and they would have a guide. However, she knew full well that just because the fear was irrational didn't make it any less real. Nevertheless, her father had once told her that the best way to get over a fear was to face it and that was what she would do.

She felt the doctor's eyes on her face and kept it carefully neutral. The more they worked together the better he was becoming at reading her, and his instincts had always been good. She suddenly wished he was coming with them. She usually felt better when he was close by. But that was childish.

"We should be going, Christine."

"Of course." She pulled up her hood ready to brave the cold and gave them all a smile. "Enjoy your day captain. You too Doctor McCoy."

She met his eyes and he gave her a searching look, but nodded. "Chapel."

"Have fun." Kirk replied.

Sulu lead her out and into the snowy roads of the city.

"This is unbelievable." She murmured a few hours later. "I can't believe its size." The cavern was truly massive. They had abseiled down to its entrance through a chasm in the glacier and the small passage they had crawled through had given way to this incredible sight. Icicles the size of trees hung down from the ceiling and jutted up from the ground. Light reflected down from the surface and lit up the ice into a cascade of rainbows. It looked like a fortress made of ice.

"This is the largest of the caves." Ginga, their guide, told her as Sulu wandered off to take pictures.

"Do they all look like this?"

"No, they are as individual as you and me. The ice changes colour further in. We will go on to the blue cave momentarily."

She smiled her fascination at the man and ran a hand down one of the icicles. "Have your people always known about the caves?"

"We have known about the outer ones for hundreds of years. However, we are still mapping many of those deeper caverns. It must be done by hand since scans are prohibited."

"Why?"

"This is a holy place. It is why we still limit the numbers within. Some say that they can hear the sounds of spirits deep within the caves. People come here for _Yaneta_ – that is the journey to find oneself. The Elders believe that they will stop if we allow technology to interfere with the caves."

"Do you believe that?"

"I am not sure. I have heard the whisperings myself sometimes. Either way, the caves must be preserved."

She nodded her agreement and they moved on and throughout the spectrum of colours that the caves produced.

"Are there other entrances to the caves?" She asked as they stopped to take a break.

"There are a few smaller than the way we came through but there are probably more." He smiled and handed her some sort of bread. She took it without hesitation.

"Do you usually act as a tour guide?" Sulu asked, taking a bite.

The man laughed. "No, I work in trade, but spend so much of my free time down here that I thought I may as well take it up on the side. Are you holidaying on Polaris?"

"No, we are on shore leave. Our ship is undergoing repairs at the moment."

"Shore leave? You are Starfleet?"

"That's us." Sulu grinned proudly and she shrugged.

"We don't get many Starfleet in here. It must be wonderful seeing so much of space. I hope to go out there myself one day. I've never been out of this system."

"Well there's a lot of the galaxy left to see." Sulu told him. "What's holding you here?"

"Finances primarily – but I've been saving up to by myself a ship."

"Well keep at it, my friend. You'll make it. Now, can we see the red cave? My wife will never let me live if I don't come back with a picture of it."

"Of course." He led them through a small tunnel and into the cave of red ice and she helped Sulu pick out the best places to photograph. She hadn't noticed that Ginga had disappeared until she saw him walking back through the entrance looking perplexed.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

He smiled. "Yes. Nothing to worry about. I thought I'd ask permission to take you into some of the caves that we don't normally show the public. The walls are engraved with drawings I thought you'd appreciate."

"Did they Elders agree?"

"Yes, although they have requested that no technology is taken into them. You can leave it here while we go."

She looked at Sulu and he shrugged. "I have to admit I'm curious." He said.

"I am too." She removed her tricorder from her bag, and Sulu reluctantly placed his communicator and PADD on top.

"They'll be safe here?"

"No other party is due down here today. They shall be safe."

"Ok then."

The man switched on a torch. "We go through here." The cave was pitched black and she immediately felt the panic rise within her. She took a steadying breath and steeled herself. She had to get over this.

"It is a bit of a walk, be warned. Stay close. There are many passages, and I don't want you to get lost or fall." She nodded and Sulu took her arm. It made her feel a bit better.

They walked in near silence. Every so often Ginga stopped to examine a sign carved into the wall. She was glad they meant something to him, because they were incomprehensible to her. She knew there would be no way that she would be able to find her way out. That didn't do much for her nerves.

"Almost there." The man told them some time later. Sulu gave her a hand up a steep climb and they entered another cavern. It was amazing – walls covered with drawings and a script she couldn't understand. However, she had little time to focus on it. She heard a click of something powering up, a shot, and then nothing.

She opened her eyes slowly, feeling the pain in her head and hardness under her body. Then what had happened came rushing back and she sat up quickly. They were still in the ice caves, but not in the one that she last remembered. There was light coming from another cave ahead of them, and she could see the shadows of people moving within it. Fear clutched her and in the dim light she looked around for Sulu. He was lying a few metres away, still unconscious. She crawled over.

"Hikaru! Hikaru, wake up." She shook him gently and he groaned and opened his eyes.

"Christine?" He put a hand to his head and she helped him sit up slowly. "What happened?"

She turned his head so she could examine it better. "I'm not sure but I think they were waiting for us. There are people in the cave ahead. Do you think they've kidnapped us?"

"Well they knocked us out, so I think it's pretty likely. Where's Ginga?"

"He's not in here." She frowned. "Do you think he has anything to do with this?" She didn't like that idea. The man had seemed nice. Perhaps they were holding him separately?

"Let's find out shall we?" He helped her to her feet and they edged forwards towards the light. "Wait!" He stopped her after a few steps, eyes focused on something she couldn't see. "Don't move." He warned her. She obediently stood still as he picked up some ice from the ground. He threw it and illuminated a force field a few inches from her nose. She would have walked straight into it. She took a few steps back.

"We're definitely prisoners, then." She commented more calmly than she felt. She really wanted to scream, but didn't feel it would help the situation. "Can you bring it down?" He was examining the metal plates on the walls of caves that marked its presence with sharp eyes.

"Not without tools, and we left everything behind." He frowned.

"They're coming." She warned him as the voices grew louder and the shadows lengthened.

He stepped back as three people came to light.

"I'm glad to see you're finally awake." The Cardassian uttered, looking amused. The others, a Human and a Polarian said nothing but watched with blank faces.

"What have you done with our guide?" Sulu demanded calmly.

The man chuckled. "Oh, he's in a very happy place. He sold you out, wouldn't you know? I'd hate to have too many men like him about. I did you a favour really." The human snorted and touched the disruptor at his belt.

"What do you want with us?"

"Well, your dear local guide told us that you are Starfleet, and I'm guessing that you serve on the orbiting Enterprise. Am I right?" They both remained silent. "I see. Well no matter. You'll be pleased to know that Starfleet personnel fetch quite a nice price on the slave market these days, especially ones as pretty as you." He was leering at her in a way that made her skin crawl. "However, I'm hopeful that your captain is willing to negotiate."

"You're a slave trader." She could stop the disgust in her voice.

The man chuckled again and stepped closer to her. "Amongst other things. But we prefer the term pirates. It sounds more romantic, don't you think?"

She shuddered. She had met slave traders whilst serving on the _Yamato_. The flesh they had been trafficking had been beaten, starved and treated worse than animals. She would never forget that desperate, cornered look in their eyes.

"The Enterprise won't negotiate with the likes of you." Sulu said angrily. "You should know that."

"Well let's hope for your sake that they do. Otherwise slavery will be the least of your worries. Now, sit tight. In any luck we should have you out of here in a few hours. Oh, and Pierre here wants me to remind you not to bother attempting to escape. That force field is extremely effective, but nonetheless, we are very deep within the caves, and the chances of you finding a way out before dying of starvation are nil. Should you make any attempt we will kill one of you. Very slowly." The Human grinned at them hopefully and she felt sick. "Now, until later." He gave them a mock salute and walked back to the main cave, the others in his wake.

Sulu looked at her, eyes a mixture of anger and fear. She knew her own face probably mirrored it.

"What are we going to do now?" She asked him as she followed him deeper into their cell.

Sulu shrugged. "We wait."

"We wait?" She couldn't just sit here and do nothing.

"Christine, he's right. If we did manage to escape what are we going to do exactly? These caves are deep and the Enterprise is not allowed to scan here. They might not find us."

"But they might."

Sulu nodded. "They might. However, we're not going to run into something with our eyes shut. I'm not keen on the idea of being tortured to death. We need to consider our options and prepare for every eventuality. I don't trust anything he says as far as I can throw him."

She sighed and sat down against the wall. "You're right." They needed to be proactive. They didn't understand the situation completely right now and they needed to make sure that when they escaped they had every chance of surviving. She should know better than to be so hasty. "Now let's put our heads together and work out a way to get out of this mess."

He smiled and sat down next to her. "That's why I like you."

A few hours passed and she thought she was going to lose her mind as they went around and around in circles. She had lost feeling in her hands and walked back and forth across the cell to keep the blood circulating in her feet. The simple fact was that they didn't know enough to plan anything of significance. Neither of them understood the wall markings enough to follow them if the escaped. They had no weapons, no light, no way of bringing down the force-field nor any method of communicating with the Enterprise. The temperature in the caves was plummeting and she guessed night was falling on the planet. The reality of their situation wasn't good.

"You're wanted." The Human bit at them as he strode towards them with the Polarian at him side.

"For what?" Sulu crossed his arms across himself, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the increased light. He focused some sort of disruptor at them and the Polarian.

"A feature performance." The man grunted. "Don't try anything. I'd like nothing more than to incinerate you."

Sulu put a hand on her arm and she understood the signal – not yet. She watched as the Polarian brought down the force field and made no attempt at resistance as he put the disruptor to her back. Let them think that she would meekly go along with this. It would make things easier later.

They walked up to the main cave and she almost stumbled in relief at the sudden warmth. Then she felt horrified. Water was trickling down the walls and wetting the floor. Surely they realised that they we destroying the caves? She understood that the other two wouldn't care, but surely the Polarian would? They walked further into the cave and she realised that the Cardassian was talking to someone on a large console in the centre of the room. She could have cried with relief when she saw who was on the screen.

"As you can see, they are unharmed. I'm hardly a savage." The Cardassian pointed out.

Kirk scowled at him and glanced at them both. "Are you alright?"

Sulu nodded. "We're fine, captain." She attempted to smile her reassurance to him. She could see the outline of the bridge staff in the background. Most of them were still in their civilian clothes. They must have been called back to the ship. Trust her to ruin shore leave for everyone.

"That of course, can very easily change should you not agree to our terms."

The captain stepped back and sat down in his chair. Commander Spock was close to one side, his head cocked and eyes calculating. Doctor McCoy stood to the other side. His face was blank, schooled to his typical doctor expression, but his eyes were the darkest she had ever seen, plainly furious. If the doctor had been looking at her with those eyes she would have run away and hid. However he wasn't looking at her. He didn't even glance in her direction.

"And what are these terms?" The captain asked.

"Four photon torpedoes, the new shield technology that you've recently installed and the current position of every Starfleet ship in this sector."

Kirk looked at him for a second, then chuckled. "You are joking I assume?"

The Cardassian smiled coldly. "You're right, I'm underselling these two, aren't I? Let's call it the current position and future assignments of every ship and you can have these two back unscathed."

"Maybe I'll just transport them out of there."

"Well you could – but we both know that as soon as you scan the caves every torpedo aimed at you on the planet surface will fire and turn you ship into scrap metal. The Polarians do take sacredness seriously, lucky for us."

Kirk frowned at him. "Do you actually think I'm going to agree to give weapons to you, so that you can use them against other Federation ships?"

The man shrugged. "I don't expect you to like it, but you'll do it."

"And if we don't make the trade?"

"Well, I've promised the man to my colleague here. He enjoys making things scream. However, the woman…" He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "She'll make someone a very lovely slave." He touched her face with a smile and she flinched. "After I've finished using her of course." It took everything she had not to hit him. She took some deep breaths and stepped away from him when he let go of her arm. Not yet. "It's your choice captain, but make it quickly."

"I'm going to need time to consider."

"No, you're going to need time to attempt to rescue them. I know very well how Starfleet works."

"Even if I agree it will take us time to get the items together."

"You have an hour."

"An hour isn't long enough. We'll need at least four."

"Pierre – if you would be so kind?"

The man grabbed Sulu and shot him in the leg. Sulu feel to the floor, but never cried out. She almost did for them both. She ran to him and he grabbed her arm, fingers digging into her flesh as she pressed on the wound to stop the bleeding.

"If that's all you've got, maybe you should shoot the other one too. I'd hate to be uneven." He spat at the Human. Pierre turned to hit him, but she automatically stood between them, daring him to strike her.

The Cardassian raised his hand. "That should do. For now."

"I thought you said you weren't savages." The captain shouted.

"I was referring merely to myself. My colleagues have no qualms about hurting them, Kirk. I make the demands, not you. You have one hour. I will contact you then. Every fifteen minutes you make me wait I will cut something off one of them."

"No. Captain, don't-." Sulu shouted, but the screen went blank.

The Cardassian chuckled. "Well that went nicely. Take them back Pierre."

The Polarian grabbed her arm but she shook him off and helped Sulu to stand. "Pretend to cry." He whispered in her ear quickly, then bit back a cry of his own as he attempted to put weight on his damaged leg. She didn't know what crying would achieve – she sure that he wasn't going to attempt to escape right now, but obediently felt the tears well up in her eyes. It wasn't hard. She'd felt like crying for the last hour at least.

"Now, now, dear. There's no need for tears." The Cardassian said, and touched her face. She thought she would be ill, but allowed him to do it. "I'm sure this is a terrifying situation for such a lovely lady. Tell me, what do you do on that starship?"

She was beginning to have some idea what Sulu was planning. "I'm a nurse." She said, and allowed her voice to shake.

"A nurse? Well I'm sure this is very different from what you usually do. You go and keep an eye on your friend and we'll have this settled very soon. And if not, I'm sure that you and I can be very good friends."

She nodded weakly and walked back to their freezing cell followed by the other two. When they had gone, she wiped her face and gave Sulu a look as she took off her jacket and ripped the sleeves from her jumper to use as bandages.

"You know, you're a pretty good actor." He told her, attempting to grin as she pulled the bandages tight. "I wish I could cry on cue."

"So we're going to escape?"

"We can hardly let people like them get those sorts of weapons, can we? The captain's in an impossible situation. If we escape we even up the odds."

"Thank goodness." She said in relief. "I assume I'm to play the hysterical woman?"

He laughed. "You read my mind. Sounds like a pretty convincing attention grabber. We'll need to do this through two runs. Hopefully on the second there'll only send one to calm you down and we'll act then. Do you think you can do it?"

"Do you need to ask? But we'll need to move fast. How's your leg?"

"It's painful, but I played it up somewhat. I should be able to manage if I have you to lean on. Right, we'll wait fifteen minutes and then you can begin."

She nodded and attempted to set in her mind exactly how a hysterical woman acted. It wasn't hard – she'd seen plenty of them as a nurse. She was losing feeling in her hands and feet and began to pace again. She wondered what McCoy would think of her acting in such a way. He'd probably laugh. She frowned and acknowledged the small piece of hurt that was rubbing on her mind. Why hadn't he looked at her? He'd looked at Sulu but not at her. Did he not care? Or was so he angry at her for managing to get into this mess that he couldn't look at her? She sighed to herself. Well this wasn't the time to worry about now. She had plenty of time to apologise later, when they were out of this.

"Christine. Whenever you're ready."

She nodded, then got down onto her knees. She was going to have to make this convincing. She screamed very loudly, then began to shout "We're going to die" repeatedly whilst rocking back and forth and clutching at her face. In the corner of her eye she could already see the light growing brighter and forms growing larger as they came towards her.

"What's going on?" She heard the Human shout. "You? What the hell's wrong with her?"

She started to cry, attempting uncontrolled emotion and flopped on the floor. Then she screamed again.

"Shut up." The Human shouted. She cried louder and began to mutter again.

"What's wrong with her?" It was the first time the Polarian had spoken. He sounded unsure and hesitant. Perfect.

"She's scared. She's not used to this sort of thing." Sulu said ruefully.

"We're going to die." She said dejectedly.

"Well shut her up." The Human ordered him.

"I can't. You shot me in the leg remember. It's hardly like I can wander over there."

She screamed again. "Damn it. Shut up." The Human shouted. He turned to the other man. "Bring down the force field. Shoot them if they try anything." The force field can down and the man wandered up to her and picked her up by the hair. "Shut up. Or I will give you something to cry about." She continued to cry and he slapped her hard across the face. She stopped quickly. "Good." He stormed out and the force field went up again. She watched them leave again, but noticed that the Polarian looked back at her a few times.

"Are you all right?" Sulu asked once they were gone.

"Fine."

"You sure? That was pretty convincing."

She rubbed her sore face. "I'm fine. How long before we do that again?"

"Ten minutes."

"I think they'll send the Polarian. He's more sensitive than the others. He'll try to talk to me - comfort me."

"I noticed he looked upset when the man hit you. Can you take him?"

"Of course."

Sulu smiled at her. No one knew how well she could fight better than him. "My favourite ninja nurse. We'll need his disruptor – we won't have long. Make sure you get a torch and remember the Cardassian will be able to fight well. Avoid confronting him if you can."

"The Human looks like he's going to be able to hold himself in a fight too."

"Let me deal with him." Sulu looked grim.

"Ok. Ten minutes. Let me see your leg."

"It's not bleeding out any more. It's fine."

She raised her eyebrows. "You know better than to argue with me." She knelt down beside him and felt his leg through the binding. "It's definitely broken. As for the bleeding, it's not coming through but I don't want to check whether it's stopped and remove the clot. No matter what you say, you're not going to be able to go far on it. We'll need to splint it when we have the chance."

"Whatever you say nurse."

"Are you cold?"

"I'm ok." He smiled at her and she knew he must be freezing. "Not much longer anyhow."

She met his eyes. Not much longer in here, but then what? Would they be able to take the Cardassian out too? She began to pace again.

"Christine. It's time. Are you sure you're up to this?" Sulu asked after ten minutes.

"I'll have to be."

"Stay closer this time."

She knelt down near him and began to scream again. She knocked her fists against the floor for good measure since the tears didn't come so readily this time. As before she saw the light, but was disappointed to see that there were the same two.

"Christine?" Sulu murmured.

"It's fine." She replied quietly and without pause. She could do this. She had no choice. They needed to get out of here.

"Shut up. Didn't you learn the last time, woman?" The Human shouted at her.

She sobbed on the floor but prepared herself.

"Let me." The Polarian quietly suggested.

"Fine. You shut her up. But be quick."

The force field when down and she saw him move towards her. "It's not so bad." He said quietly to her. "It will all be ok. Just quieten down so my friend doesn't hurt you again." She didn't wonder how someone that seemed so nice could be involved in something as horrible as slave trading. They always employed an apparently kind one to help keep the slaves quiet. It was only words after all. She felt little remorse as she kicked his legs from under him. He fell down and she hit him hard, knocking him out. She attempted to kick his disruptor to Sulu, but had to drop as the Human began to shoot at them both with an oath. She ran towards him and kicked his disruptor away from his hands but he knocked her to the ground. He threw his weight on top of her, but she kneed him in the groin and flipped them over. She punched him hard, but he grabbed her hand before her second hit and twisted her arm behind her as he moved to stand, whispering profanities in her ears. He tried to hit her, but she dodged him, moving under his arm to free her own, then hit him in the kidneys, and kneed him as hard as she could in the stomach. His hands found their way around her neck as he threw them both to the ground again, and his weight drew the wind from her as she attempted to free herself. Her vision began to blacken at the edges as she gasped for breath and his fingers continued to tighten, that manic glint in his eyes. Then there was a shot and he went limp on her. Sulu pulled the man off her.

"Christine?"

"I'm ok. Thanks." She stood up quickly and Sulu handed her the torch, then put some of his weight on her shoulder and they headed towards the larger cave. The Cardassian was coming out, drawn by the sound of shots, and took them in with a calculating look, then drew his disruptor. Sulu shot it from his hands and the man fled back into the cave. Sulu fired again, but only caught him on the leg. They followed him through the main cave but then there was the sound of an explosion a few metres from her left and she was thrown off her feet.

"He's got a phaser beam." Sulu shouted to her. "Come on." He yanked her to her feet as another explosion hit to their side and a load of ice came down on them.

"Give up, Starfleet. You cannot win." The Cardassian shouted to them loudly. "Where are you going to go? I've already overloaded the communication system. No one will be able to find you." She could see it smoking. They were sitting ducks when he had a phaser beam. There was the exit to the other caves ahead of them. She watched Sulu hesitate and grab something from one of the tables as they were blown from their feet again. Sulu tried to shoot at the Cardassian, but he was too well protected. She grabbed his arm and forced him through the passage.

She switched on the torch as they half-ran half-stumbled their way down it. The passage led to a cave, then to another. There was a rumble behind them that suggested that the Cardassian was following. Sulu stumbled and fell over, and the Cardassian caught up. She pulled him up and picked another passage at random as the weapon fired and shook the ground. The cave they came out into a large cave of black ice. A dead end. Another shot from the beam threw them both off their feet. She stood up, and realised she had been thrown further than Sulu. He was facing the Cardassian, who was standing in the passageway and aiming at him. He aimed his own disruptor not at the Cardassian, but upwards.

"No!" She shouted as he fired at the same time as the Cardassian. Sulu brought down a large amount of ice in the way of the beam causing an explosion that took out a chunk of the cave too. Her head smacked against the cave wall and she blacked out as ice rained down on top of her. The ice had settled when she came round. She pulled herself up and was relieved to see her torch had stayed on.

"Sulu?" She shouted. "Sulu?" She saw his hand poking from a mound and ran to him. He wasn't buried deep but some of the pieces of ice were massive. "Sulu." She cleared his face and his eyes flickered open. "Thank goodness."

He tried to move and winced. "I'm trapped."

"I'll try to find the disruptor – see if I can break up some of the ice." She began to dig. "Got it." She aimed it at the largest chunk and it shattered into several pieces. She pulled them away to reveal his body.

She met his eyes. "It's bad isn't it?" He asked, reading her face.

There was blood soaking the bottom of the ice she had removed and through his clothes. The way his legs were lying, and the shape of his hips suggested he had a fractured pelvis.

"I've seen worse." She told him, trying to keep her voice cheerful. "You're going to be ok." She hoped that wasn't a lie. Injuries like that needed swift treatment. Pelvic fractures bled massively and usually had associated organ damage. "I'm going to need to feel, Sulu." He nodded and shut his eyes as she palpated his abdomen and hips. He inhaled sharply several times, but to his credit never cried out once. She knew the pain would be horrendous. His abdomen was distended and guarded. He certainly had internal bleeding. "Well, you're trousers are holding your pelvis together, so that will help to slow the bleeding." She told him. "But I'm going to wrap my jacket around it too."

"No, Christine, you need that."

"I need you more." He had hours, at most, before he went into organ failure. She rolled him as gently as she could and tied it tight. This was bad. She had nothing to help him with. They needed to get out of here.

"Well, I never really thought that one through." He said honestly when he had caught his breath. "I meant to collapse the tunnel but never saw the cave coming down too."

"It's not your fault. He was going to kill us and we had nowhere to go." She took his hand. He nodded and she knew what he was thinking. Now they were going to die anyway.

"I picked up a communicator. Can you see if you can find it?" She nodded and began to search the ice. The cold was already seeping into her bones. She needed to keep him talking.

"How's Demora? Did she like her birthday present?"

"She loved it. I totally owe you for that idea. I may have just won father of the year." His voice was already sounding weaker.

She laughed quietly. "I think you already won that when Demora told everyone at her nursery that you drove the Enterprise and half the children cried because their dad didn't do anything that interesting."

"That was the best. I've never laughed so much as when Florence told me about that."

"Well I'd think it was cool if my dad drove the Enterprise too. Got it." She brought the communicator to him and gave him better light so that he could examine it. "Is it working?"

Sulu frowned. "No, but I might be able to fix it."

"Ok." She kept the light on him and prayed that the Enterprise were looking for them.

"I need something small and thin." She pulled out a hairpin and handed it to him. "Good." He was already taking the communicator apart.

"The ceilings are high in here." She commented. "They might reach all the way to the surface."

"That's good, because we'll want to put this as high as we can." Sulu told her. "Even if I fix it, its range will be pretty dismal. It's ancient."

She nodded and watched him for a while, then positioned the torch and began to pace to keep her blood circulating. Sulu's blood was still seeping out and she could tell from his shaking hands that he was struggling. When he started to drop the pin she took it from him and examined him again. He didn't even try and argue. He was pale and he'd lost his radial pulse. That meant his blood pressure was too low and wasn't perfusing his kidneys. The organ failure had already started. He would be unconscious soon. They had to work fast.

"Tell me what to do." She ordered him and picked up the communicator and the pin.

"That wire – the thin black one. It needs to hook around the core. Then the red lead needs to be reconnected and held in place. I'm not sure what's going to do that yet."

"Right." He eyes were becoming unfocused. "Stay with me Sulu. We're going to get out of this."

"Christine. If anything happens… that is if we're not found in time, tell Florence and Demora I love them more than anything…"

"Hikaru, don't speak like that. We're going to be ok." The tears were coming to her eyes now.

"You did your best, Christine."

"No, Sulu, stay with me…" His eyes closed. She shook him and spoke his name, but he made no response. Now she was alone again in the dark. She wiped the tears from her face and focused on the communicator. She wasn't going to die down here, and nor was he.

She continued to work on it as her hands went steadily dead. She managed to work the black wire around as he had said, and reconnected the red lead using her pin, but nothing happened. Right then, she thought she might break down in simple frustration and helplessness. She checked it her work, but she'd done as he'd said. Why wasn't it working? Her mind was slowing in the cold and her fingers had stiffened to pain when she moved them. She was freezing to the point where her whole body was shaking. She leant back against the icy wall and tried to reason it through, but couldn't. Eventually her mind wandered as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

The whispering was quiet at first, barely registering on her senses. Then it grew louder until she was sure there were people surrounding her. She opened her eyes. His face was hovering over hers.

"Have you come to help rescue me?" She asked him in relief.

"No. I've come to help you rescue yourself." The doctor told her.

"But I can't rescue myself." She frowned at him.

"Don't be ridiculous Chapel. Of course you can."

"I can't. I'm not good enough. I did my best."

"You're best? Damn it Chapel, I know your best, and you're nowhere near it." He scowled at her. She reached out to touch it but her hand met nothing.

"Am I dreaming?" She asked him.

"No."

"So I'm hallucinating." She was beginning to feel more alert.

"Quite possibly."

"I suppose it's the cold. And I have hit my head several times today. I suppose I'm concussed."

"Only you have the ability to be so unlucky."

She reached out and touched Sulu. He was cold but she could still find a carotid pulse. "He's alive." She told him.

"Well he's not going to be for much longer unless you get moving."

"I tried. It didn't work."

"Well find something that does."

"I don't know how."

"Chapel, I know you. You don't want to have his blood on your hands because you gave up so easily."

"You obviously don't know me as well as you think."

"Are you really going to be able to look his wife and child in the eye?"

"I won't have to. I'm going to die too."

"Of course you're not. I'm coming to get you but I need you to give me some help."

"You're coming?"

"Of course. Did you think I was going to leave you here, Chapel?"

She looked at him. He looked pretty real – down to the exasperated expression on his face. Clearly she had a good imagination. "No. I don't think you'd leave me here."

"Good. Now get up." She pulled herself slowly to her feet. "I want you to start running from one wall to the other."

"Running?"

"You need to get the blood pumping. You'll be able to think more clearly when you do."

She nodded and started to move. She was slow at first – she couldn't feel her feet and her joints screamed. However, after a few minutes she was breathless and a great deal warmer. She stopped and leaned against the icy wall.

"Much better."

"You're still here?" His eyebrows rose. "I thought you said I'd think more clearly."

"Obviously you are."

She snorted but was secretly glad she'd hit her head. She didn't want to be alone. "Ok, what now? I'm warmer but have no idea what to do still."

"You need to fix the communicator."

"I tried, remember? It didn't work."

"Chapel stop being an idiot. You were top of your technology class at the Academy. Don't tell me you don't know how to fix it yourself."

"That was quite a while ago." She said but she obediently sat down and took a fresh look at it.

"Well?"

"It should work. I don't know why it doesn't. I'll have to take it apart and see what's wrong."

"Well get a move on then. I do have other things to be doing you know."

"No one's stopping you from doing them."

"I can hardly leave you like this, can I?" She began to take it apart with a new hairpin, making a pile of the screws.

"Clearly my imaginary McCoy cares for me more that the real one does." She commented dryly.

"You think I don't care for you?"

"No, I think you care for me, but the same way you care for everyone in your life – a sort of contemptuous fondness at best. Usually I think that you only see me as your head nurse."

"You are my head nurse. Do you want me to feel more than that?"

"Yes. No. I have no idea." He gave her a look and she paused. "I suppose I'd like you to think of me as a friend."

"A friend?" He was still giving her that look.

"Yes, a friend." She began to reattached the wires and screws.

"And you look at me as a friend?"

"Yes. After all I spend more time with you than anyone else on the ship. It's natural that my feelings for you should have developed beyond a professional relationship."

"Naturally. Was your last CMO your friend too?"

"Yes."

"And you felt the same way about him, did you?"

She opened her mouth, then frowned at him. "What exactly are you getting at McCoy?"

"I'm just trying to establish what exactly our relationship is."

"Why?"

"Well watching you put a communicator back together is hardly the most thrilling thing to do."

There was a hum and the lights of the communicator blinked to life. She grinned, and he smiled back at her.

"It worked. I can't believe it worked!"

"Of course it did." She put in the universal emergency frequency and sat back with a smile. He frowned at her and crossed his arms. "You know you have a habit of leaving a job half done."

"What? I fixed it."

"That's only half the job."

"What's the other half?"

"You tell me."

She frowned at him, then looked up. "I need to get it up there. Sulu said its range is appalling."

"Trust him to pick up the damned most ancient piece of technology in existence."

"And the Enterprise might not be able to scan the caves, but I bet they can scan the surface."

"How the hell are you going to get it onto the surface?"

"Well the ceiling is high so it can't be that far from the surface. I could use the disruptor to make a hole and put it on top. I'm going to have to make a sling to carry everything in." She removed the rest of her jumper and loaded it with the communicator and her disruptor. "I'm glad I wore so many layers now."

"Me too."

She looked at him and laughed. He was wearing his uniform as usual. "You know, I would have thought I'd imagine you in something a bit nicer."

"I'm here for business, Chapel. The uniform means business. Now what the hell are you standing there for?"

She shook her head at him. He was as pleasant as ever. She made her way over to the wall and put the torch around her neck. Then she started to climb.

"Of all the people to conjure up in an emergency, you choose me." McCoy said idly at her side. "That's quite fascinating."

"You know, I climbing a hundred foot wall in the dark without ropes and with numb hands. Now would probably not be the best time to have this conversation."

"Well I could just leave you alone, but I thought you'd prefer to be distracted from how far down the ground is."

She sighed. He was probably right. "Fine. Why did I choose you?"

"You tell me."

She scowled. "I don't know."

"Well have a guess."

"I suppose you're usually angry in such situations. It helps to keep me calm."

"My anger calms you?"

"Well it's usually so ridiculous that I'd hate to lower myself to your level. It helps me to relax."

"You're a very strange person."

"I know."

"So why were you so upset when I didn't look at you earlier?"

"I wasn't upset."

"You do realise I'm from your head, don't you?"

"Fine. I was upset. I just hate the idea of you being angry at me."

"That's slightly ironic, considering the amount of times it happens."

"True. But usually I know that's not my fault."

"And this time it is?"

"Well I've spoilt shore leave for a lot of people."

"Of course. Because you posted a sign on yourself saying 'please kidnap me'."

"That's not the point."

"Has it occurred to you that my anger might not be directed at you?"

"Ok, now you're just trying to make me feel better."

"Chapel, three people just kidnapped you and Sulu, held you for ransom and threatened to sell you into slavery. Why the hell would my anger be directed at you?"

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Caring for me more than the real McCoy does."

"I'm beginning to think that maybe you want him to be angry at you because you're scared he might feel something else."

"He'd never feel anything else. That would be ridiculous."

"You do."

"Well I'm clearly a mad person who's talking to an imaginary man."

She reached the top, stabilised herself and pulled out the disruptor. She slowly and carefully cut out a square of ice the size of her arm. She was scared she'd bring more of the ceiling down if she cut one any larger. The ice fell to the ground. It wasn't that thick. That was promising. She replaced the disruptor for the communicator and pushed it up through the hole. She grinned at McCoy when her hand touched the surface and she placed it onto the snow. Then she pushed through her jumper and the disruptor.

"Chapel? What are you doing? Unless you've discovered an extraordinary way to shrink yourself, you're not going to fit."

"The jumper is red. I'm trying to spread it out on the surface. Hopefully on the white snow it might draw more attention that the communicator alone."

"And the disruptor?"

"Well whoever finds us might not have any way of cutting through the ice."

He chuckled. "Not bad."

"Thank you. I'm going to climb back down now."

He watched her for a few seconds as she started her descent. "So why is it ridiculous for me to be attracted to you?"

"Are we still doing this?"

"Can you think of anything else to talk about?"

She sighed. "Well you're my CMO. I'm your head nurse. We could never go there. And besides, in your own words, I'm a workaholic, tyrant of a nurse with an angel-of-mercy complex. I'm not exactly what you would go for, am I?"

"Maybe I need an angel of mercy?"

"I doubt it."

"So what do I go for?"

"I don't know. Beautiful, intelligent women who can match your passion."

"You could match my passion if you decided to let it out once in a while."

"Maybe."

"And you are attracted to me."

"A little."

"A little? Chapel, I know your thoughts. Seems like a bit more than a little to me."

"I can control it."

"I'm sure you can, but why would you want to?"

"You mean other than the fact you don't reciprocate?"

"Supposedly, yes."

"Well I'm going to be a doctor. Having a relationship with you would blow that dream away if we were ever found out."

"And being a doctor is going to make you complete?"

"It's what I've always wanted?"

"Is it? What are you going to get as a doctor that you don't get now?"

"I'll have the chance to do so much more and help so many more people, and I'll be respected, instead of everyone looking down on me for being a nurse."

"Do you think I don't respect you?"

"No. Actually I think that you do respect me – for my intellect at least."

"And I've taught you a great deal have I not? I allow you to do procedures that even the other doctors don't carry out."

"Yes."

"Then what are you going to get as a doctor that you don't get now?"

She frowned because she couldn't answer. "So you think I should give up my dreams?"

"No. We all need our dreams, Chapel. I just think that you should look at yours a bit more closely and check it's really what you want, because when all's said and done, being a doctor isn't going to keep you warm at night."

"But you will?"

"Would you like me to?"

"I don't need anyone to keep me warm."

"The hell you don't." He scowled at her. "You keep trying to convince yourself that you don't need that part of your life any more, but that doesn't mean it's true. For once be honest to yourself."

"Even if I did, I don't need it to be with you."

"Perhaps not, but would you be happy seeing me with someone else?"

She sighed. "If I'm honest, no. But I told you I was attracted to you."

"Why _are_ you attracted to me?"

She jumped down from the wall in relief and attempted to rub warmth back into her hands and arms. "I don't know. I love your passion and your dedication to your job, and the way you never compromise your principles. You pretend to be uncaring, and yet no one cares about people more than you do. You're kind and gentle and you have that smile that makes the butterflies in my stomach do something crazy. And you treat me like an equal rather than just a nurse." She paused.

"And I make you feel emotions that you didn't think you'd be able to feel again." He finished.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you're only attracted to me?"

"Of course. What else?" He gave her a look. "You think I love you?" McCoy shrugged. "I don't love you."

"I think you are selling yourself short."

"I don't love you." She sat back down and closed her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"I'm not capable of loving anyone anymore. Not after Roger." Her head was beginning to swim and his voice was becoming dimmer.

"Just because you were hurt in the past doesn't mean you become incapable of feeling."

"I don't love you."

"So if I told you that I loved you, you wouldn't be able to say anything back."

"No."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"You're not just being stubborn because this is me?"

"I don't love you, Leonard McCoy."

"Really." His voice was close, right beside her ear. "Because you know what Chapel? I think you do."

His voice drifted out but she was comforted with the thought that he was at least there, watching her as she slowly froze.

An all-mighty crash roused her again and she opened her eyes as light shone down from above. "Chapel? Sulu? Are you down there?" Captain Kirk's voice came down, so real that she wanted to cry. She looked about for McCoy, but he was gone. He'd never even been there.

"We're down here." She shouted hoarsely. "Sulu's badly injured."

"Ok. We're coming down for you, sit tight."

She looked around. "No, don't come down. The roof is unstable still and you'll probably bring down more on us." She didn't want them all trapped inside. "Send down a stretcher and I'll put Sulu on it."

"Ok." She heard movement and fresh snow hit her face. She crawled over to Sulu. She could just feel a pulse. She knew that were it not for the cold he would be dead. "Head's up, Chapel." The stretcher was being swung down. She caught it and lowered it to the ground, then rolled Sulu onto it and strapped him in. He showed no signs of consciousness.

"All right." She tugged hard twice and they began to raise him into the light.

"We've got him Christine. I'm sending down a rope for you."

She caught it and used it to climb up the cave wall again. It was far easier this time, even without McCoy whispering in her ear. Strong arms pulled her into the light and squinting she realised that a shuttle was producing it.

"It's ok. I've got you." Jim was hugging her tightly. She hugged him back in relief. "Sulu?"

"McCoy's looking at him on the shuttle." He removed his jacket and wrapped it around her. It was warm and she sighed. "Can you stand?"

"Yes."

Helped her to her feet. "That was clever to put the communicator and your top on the surface. We wouldn't have found you otherwise." So it hadn't been a dream? She followed him onto the ship.

The doctor was bent over Sulu with a frown. He'd covered the man with blankets and heat packs and attached cardiac stimulators to his chest.

"Here she is, Bones."

McCoy looked up, glanced at her briefly, face looking like thunderclouds, then refocused on Sulu. Considering that she wanted to throw herself into his arms right then his anger was positively hurtful but she swallowed it. He was right to focus on Sulu.

"How is he?" She asked and moved towards him.

"Not good. We're going to need to get a move on Jim."

The captain nodded and moved into the cockpit and she took a seat before her legs gave way and watched him work. He was so similar and so different from the McCoy she'd dreamt up. All she wanted was for him to look at her.

"You'll have to operate?" She asked him.

He nodded. "He's ruptured his spleen and is haemorrhaging from his pelvis."

"I tried to stop the bleeding but I had nothing and he was in a lot of pain."

He made no reply as he began to inject Sulu with various hyposprays. She watched him for a while, then felt her eyes drift shut and sank into nothingness.

"Chapel? Chapel? Damn it, Christine, open your eyes." She opened her eyes quickly and met his. There was worry in them. He was worried about her. She felt relieved he wasn't angry any more.

"Sorry. I must have drifted off."

"Hell, don't apologise." His hand was on her cheek and she leant into its warmth as he scanned her with his other. "You're hypothermic. You need to stay awake." He pulled more blankets around her.

"I suppose I can't run laps this time." She murmured and he gave her a look.

"Trust you to fall down another damned hole." He said gruffly.

"Actually I didn't. It fell on me."

He stared at her, then began ran his fingers through her hair gently. "Did you hit your head, Chapel?"

"Several times." She smiled. Thank goodness she had.

"Only you could be that unlucky." He pulled away, then touched her neck. "And someone tried to strangle you?"

"Yes."

He gave her a hard look. "Next time you go on shore leave, I'm assigning a security detail to you."

She sighed and smiled up at him. "Perhaps next shore leave you could suggest that we go somewhere warm and sunny. I don't like the cold as much as I thought I did."

He chuckled and pulled the blankets tighter around her. "Well you've had some sense knocked in to you at least."

She touched his hand. "Thank you."

He frowned at her. "For what?"

She couldn't possibly begin to say. "For rescuing me."

He touched her face. "You rescued yourself Chapel." He sounded so much like the McCoy in her head that she hugged him without thinking. He was still for a moment and she tried draw away, realising that she had probably overstepped the line of professionalism. However, then he wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her close, chin resting on her head. He was the most real thing she had felt in a long time and for a moment she was content – truly content in a way she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"I'm glad you're all right, Chapel." He told her quietly. She smiled into his chest. Then he stood up abruptly and moved back to examine Sulu. She watched him carefully as a little voice echoed in her mind: 'I think that you do.'


	18. Chapter 9 Shore Leave McCoy

9. Shore Leave - McCoy

McCoy did up his coat and frowned at the people around him. He was supposed to be meeting Jim, but the man had got caught up with something – or someone – and he was left at the spaceport alone. Of all the planets to choose, he chose this one for shore leave – one with little natural vegetation, freezing conditions and several feet of snow on the ground. Of course, Spock had wanted to come here too, but that had clearly just been to spite him. The Vulcan home world had been a hot, dry planet and this was hardly suited to him – except for maybe his personality. He supposed he had Uhura to keep him warm.

His eye caught the Vulcan, a head above the other personnel, striding towards two forms at the observation window. They turned and he was unsurprised to see it was Uhura and Chapel. He had learnt that they had become good friends. It was inevitable when they were the only female senior staff on the ship. He liked Uhura – she was smart, intelligent and always said what she thought. When he had met her at the Academy he had enjoyed the way she had pulled Kirk to pieces when he deserved it – especially when it had been publicly. He would have never guessed she would be in a relationship with Spock until he saw them together. Then they were hard to miss. He wondered whether the rest of the crew were too stupid to see what was blindingly obvious to him, or whether they were just too polite to comment on it. Of course, Chapel had noticed it a few weeks into her posting. He remembered her frankly asking how they were allowed to have a relationship that was against protocol. After he'd explained it he'd asked her if she was going to tell anyone and she had stared at him like he was an idiot. He was still getting to know her character but he should have known even then that she was the sort of person to take secrets to the grave.

Spock and Uhura wandered off and left Chapel alone, standing at the window. She looked lonely. He wondered what her plans were today. Surely she was the type of person who had a lot of friends. So where were they all? He realised he knew next to nothing about her social life, or what she did outside of the sickbay. He knew she had plans some nights, but he'd never inquired closely about them. If she was dating he didn't want to know. He was not going to be the jealous CMO. But he couldn't just leave her there, all sad and pathetic. Besides, it wasn't like he had anything better to do.

He moved next to her but she gave no indication that she noticed his presence, absorbed in her own thoughts. There was an occupied look on her face and he wondered what was causing it. He cleared his throat.

"Damned ridiculous place to have shore leave. A few minutes out there and you turn into a human icicle." He scowled at the city. It was built of ice and coated in snow. He doubted that it was the type of place where you'd get a nice hot meal and a comfortable seat by the fire. It was the sort of place where you had to make your own heat. It explained why Jim wanted to come here so much.

"I take it that you don't like the cold then." Chapel commented dryly. He felt her eyes on his face.

"I don't like a sickbay full of hypothermic patients." That was inevitably going to happen. "Don't tell me _you_ like it?"

"I don't mind it. I haven't seen snow in a long time. I'd forgotten how perfect it makes everything seem. You can't say it's not beautiful."

He rolled his eyes. "And you can't say you wouldn't rather be on a sunny beach somewhere."

"I certainly can. I've wanted to come here for a long time."

Here? She enjoyed the idea of being continuously cold? "Why?"

"My parents honeymooned here. I can see why my mother spoke about it so much." There was such a wistful sadness in her voice that he reached out and brushed her hand before he knew what he was doing. He knew what it was like to see a place and miss the person you associated with it so much it hurt.

They stood in silence for a full minute, side by side, shoulders almost touching. Then he dared to glance at her. He'd never seen in her casual clothes before. She was in a long dark coat, with a simple red jumper underneath. Her blonde hair was up, but looser than usual, so that it framed her face. He was surprised at her clothing but they suited her, like everything she wore.

"You look nice, Chapel." He said without thinking. Then he realised she was looking at him with a frown. Damn it – why the hell had he said that? He attempted to rescue himself. "Who are you trying to impress?"

She laughed and looked back out through the window he exhaled in relief. "Nobody in particular." She leaned towards him and lowered her voice conspiratorially, an impious look in her eyes. "But you never know, if I get really lucky, maybe Ensign Chekov will buy me a drink." He was stunned for a moment, then followed her line of sight and saw Chekov almost trip over as he was talking about something Russian to the man next to him. She looked amused and he realised she was joking.

He chuckled. This was a side of Christine he rarely saw, but found he rather liked. "I don't know Chapel. You might have set your sights too high there."

She sighed comically. "I suppose you're right."

"Besides, you probably need someone who's actually old enough to buy you a drink. Someone like-."

"Who's buying Christine a drink?" Jim interrupted loudly. Me – he lamely finished in his head and rolled his eyes. What was it with Jim and walking in at the wrong moment? A dry voice in his mind reminded him that the man had helpfully saved him from himself again.

"Nobody." Chapel said, smiling at the captain politely. Was she hoping that Jim would ask? Well of course she was. Every girl wanted him to buy them a drink. Damn it.

"Well that's unbelievable. We'll have to remedy that now."

"Thanks for the offer, but I have plans." She'd turned him down. Miracles of miracles.

"Plans? With who?"

"Does it matter?" He recognised the caging look in her face.

"Of course it matters!" Jim gave her a shrewd look. "Are you going on a date, Christine?" He hadn't thought of that. Was she?

"No I'm not. I'm meeting a friend." She denied it very quickly. Too quickly for him to be relieved.

"A good friend…?" Jim continued to push. McCoy realised he didn't want to know - if she was going out with another man he really didn't want to know. He had no right to be jealous. Or to cause the man considerable pain should he entered into his sickbay. No, he certainly should not know for everyone's sake.

"Leave the woman alone, Jim. What's it got to do with you?" She smiled at him in relief and he couldn't quite bring himself to meet her eyes.

"I just want to know what she's doing that's worth turning down a drink with us."

He shook his head. The man was incapable of taking a refusal. "I'm turning down a drink with _you _captain." She said forcefully. What the hell did that mean? That she would have accepted him but not Kirk? Or was he reading in to things like a damn neurotic teenage girl. Good grief. "From what I've seen you'll have no problem replacing me."

"There you are Christine." Lieutenant Sulu approached before Jim could reply and confused him even more. "Captain Kirk, Doctor McCoy." He nodded to them both.

"Ah, so _you're_ taking Chapel out." Jim grinned at him.

"Yes sir, my wife got me some tickets to the ice caves so I could take some pictures, and I thought I'd ask Nurse Chapel to come along." Of course. His wife. No one he'd ever met spoke about his wife more than Sulu. They were so in love that it was sickening. He couldn't deny he felt relieved that they were for once.

"I've always wanted to see them." Chapel said with a smile. He noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes. Of course – she was going to caves. They probably didn't have any good memories for her after the away mission. Was she scared? And if she was, why was she willing to visit them? Was she trying to prove something? Damn it. Of course she was.

"We should be going, Christine." Sulu said. He wondered if he should interfere. Did he have any right to?

"Of course." She pulled up her hood and smiled at everyone. "Enjoy your day captain. You too Doctor McCoy."

He searched her face, looking for any sign that she would welcome him stepping in. She gave him nothing. Well, she knew what she was capable of dealing with. He nodded. "Chapel."

"Have fun." Jim told them and they watched the pair leave. Jim was frowning. "Do you think they're… You know…"

"Don't be ridiculous Jim. Of course not." He was glad he could say that with so much confidence. Chapel would never touch a married man.

"Good. I'd hate for her to get hurt."

He felt the same. He patted the captain on the shoulder. "Let's go and get a drink."

Jim grinned. "Let's. But do me a favour and try not to scowl off every woman that we meet."

"Trust me Jim. I am doing you a favour." He laughed and they walked into the city.

A few hours later he stared at his drink and tried to drown out the giggles of the women that Jim was in the process of seducing. He was being entirely obvious but they didn't seem to mind. He would be surprised if they had fifty brain cells between them. He never understood why he wasted his time with such women when he was capable of attracting a far better class. But then, he'd never met a bigger commitment-phobe that James Kirk.

The captain's communicator began to buzz, but apparently he didn't notice. He allowed it to go off for several seconds, then sighed and stepped in.

"Jim. Your communicator."

"Bones, come and meet Alhambra and Talulah." The scantily-clad woman giggled and whispered something in his ear. He rolled his eyes and physically removed the women from Jim's knee before he became completely distracted.

"Bones what are you-?"

"Jim, answer your damned communicator." He scowled at the women and they scuttled off to wherever they had come from.

Jim sighed. "Killjoy." He opened up he communicator. "Kirk here."

"Captain, we've received a transmission from the planet's surface. There's a man who says he's kidnapped some of our crew."

Kirk frowned and exchanged a look with him. Damn it. This was supposed to be a nice, safe planet. He should have known better than to trust Jim's risk assessment. "Does he say who?"

"No sir, but he said that he will only speak directly to you. He will contact again in fifteen minutes."

"Very well. Beam myself and Doctor McCoy aboard, and contact Commander Spock."

"Wait, Jim, I'll get a shuttle back to the ship. You don't need to beam me." He protested with panic, but had the unfortunate feeling that it was falling on deaf ears.

"Yes sir. We're ready to transport you."

Kirk grinned at him, and before he could protest he said quickly. "Very well. Energise."

"Damn it, Jim." He muttered as the whirring sound grew loud in his ears and his eyes darkened then refocused on the transporter room. He stumbled, but avoided falling over as Kirk slapped him on the back. One day his atoms were going to not come back together. He heard stories transporter malfunctions all the time.

They stepped off the pad and he followed him onto the bridge. There was only a skeleton crew aboard and he wasn't even sure he recognised the woman who had taken the communication.

Jim did of course. "Ensign Ferrier, how long until next communication?"

"Ten minutes sir."

"Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura have just beamed aboard, captain." A boy said. He swore they were getting younger every time he walked onto the bridge.

"Excellent." Jim sat down in his chair.

The door opened and Spock and Uhura joined them. "Uhura, I'm going to need a list of everyone who left the ship today." Jim called to her.

"Yes captain." She began to pull up the names.

"Perhaps we should begin to contact those members that carry a communicator to eliminate them from the list." Spock suggested.

"Excellent idea. Uhura?"

"Yes sir." He heard her begin to make the calls.

"Ferrier, tell me about the man who contacted us."

"I can tell you little, sir. There was no visual communication. I was also unable to localise where the signal was originating from. I believe there was some sort of dampening field in place."

"Spock?"

The Vulcan had joined her at her console and was assessing the screen with quick eyes. "The Ensign is correct, there is indeed a dampening field. However, I believe I will be able to triangulate the signal on next communication."

"Very good."

"Five minutes, sir."

Jim glanced at him. "Bones, what do you think the chances are that this is a prank?"

He snorted. "In my opinion, people don't make pranks about kidnapping people."

"But they could be misleading us in attempt to gain a ransom." Spock pointed out.

"That would be a pretty lousy gamble Spock." He argued. "They must know that we'd check our manifest and call back our entire crew if we had to."

"Nevertheless, I still recommend that we insist on seeing the hostages before we agree to anything."

Jim grinned. "Rest assured Spock, I won't agree to anything until I see the health of the hostages with my own eyes. I have read the protocols, you know."

"Captain, I should point out that you ignore protocol on a regular basis."

"Only when I absolutely have to, Mister Spock." McCoy rolled his eyes. Clearly they had very different definitions of absolutely having to do something. Nonetheless, he knew that his friend would never do anything to endanger the lives of hostages. It was one of the many things that made him a good captain.

"Sir, we have a visual communication from the planet surface."

"On screen."

A Cardassian filled the viewscreen and he frowned. What was a Cardassian doing on Polaris Twelve?

"Ah, you must be captain Kirk." The man said with a smile.

"Have we met?" Kirk frowned at him.

"No we haven't, but I know you by reputation, captain."

"Indeed." He stood up and moved closer to the viewscreen but McCoy remained where he was, intrigued. "And what do I call you?"

"Name's are unimportant and I'd prefer to be anonymous for our little business transaction."

"What transaction might that be?" Jim folded his arms across his chest.

"Why, I have two members of your crew of course."

"So you say."

"Naturally you don't believe me. Perhaps you will when I tell you I picked them up in the ice caves about an hour ago." His heart stopped. "One male and one female. Both Human. I believe they were the only people visiting the caves today, so I don't think you'll have much problem establishing who they are." His heart restarted at double its previous pace, and blood roared through his ears. No her, damn it. Of all the people on this ship, not her. "So now we need to talk about terms."

"I won't talk about anything until I've established that they aren't injured."

"They arere not injured. We stunned them, and they a little cold – the caves are hardly warm at this time of day, but they are otherwise unharmed. They would, after all, be useless to us dead."

"I'm hardly going to trust you, am I?"

"You don't make the terms, captain Kirk."

"Fine. But we don't talk until I see them. Kirk out." The screen switched off and there was stunned silence on the bridge.

"Spock, scan the caves. See if they're there."

"Captain, I cannot."

"Why not?"

"There is a blanket ban on scanning the caves. They are seen as sacred by the people."

"Surely in such a situation they would make an exception."

"Perhaps, but we cannot do so without the correct authority. The Polarians will fire on any ship that attempts to scan them. We already have the weapons locked onto us."

"Damn it." He wandered back to his chair placed an arm on his. "Breathe Bones." He muttered. McCoy realised that black spots were beginning to form in front of his eyes and he was clutching the back of the chair so tightly he thought his fingers might break. He took a deep breath and forced himself together. He was a doctor and going to pieces wasn't going to solve anything. Right now he needed to help her, and to help her he needed to think clearly. The situation might not be that bad. Chapel was sensible and resourceful. Hell, who was he kidding? This was Chapel. The situation was always that bad.

"Jim, you better not play games with him." He warned. He'd met several Cardassians and when it came to strategy they usually won.

"I know, Bones. You think he's telling the truth?"

"Without a doubt."

"Captain, we're receiving another communication from the surface."

"On screen."

"Very well, captain Kirk, as a gesture of good will I've asked my colleagues to bring them here." The Cardassian told him.

"Good."

"But dismiss me like that again and I will kill one of them. Do we have an understanding?"

"I believe so."

"Excellent. Ah, here they come."

The pair filled the screen and he checked Sulu over carefully for signs of injury. Other than a lump on his head found none. An irrational anger built up inside of him as he schooled his face to blankness. He preferred it to the other emotions he was feeling right now. How could Sulu have allowed them to get into this mess? He would have thought better of him than to walk into such a trap. Hell, he would have thought better of Christine too. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He knew if he did it would tip him into something he wasn't sure he could cope with. How could she have been so idiotic as to get captured? Why the hell was she always out to prove herself in some stupid way or other? Damn it, he should have said something, stopped her going down there. But it was too late for that now.

"As you can see, they are unharmed. I'm hardly a savage." The Cardassian pointed out.

Kirk scowled at him and turned to the pair. "Are you alright?"

Sulu nodded. "We're fine, captain."

"That of course, can very easily change should you not agree to our terms."

Jim sat down in his chair. "And what are these terms?"

"Four photon torpedoes, the new shield technology that you've recently installed and the current position of every Starfleet ship in this sector." Oh hell.

Jim chuckled grimly. "You are joking I assume?"

The Cardassian smiled coldly. "You're right, I'm underselling these two, aren't I? Let's call it the current position and future assignments of every ship and you can have these two back unscathed."

"Maybe I'll just transport them out of there."

"Well you could – but we both know that as soon as you scan the caves for a lock every torpedo aimed at you on the planet surface will fire and turn you ship into scrap metal. The Polarians do take sacredness seriously, lucky for us."

"Do you actually think I'm going to agree to give weapons to you, so that you can use them against other Federation ships?"

The man shrugged. "I don't expect you to like it, but you'll do it."

"And if we don't make the trade?"

"Well, I've promised the man to my colleague here. He enjoys making things scream. However, the woman…" He pulled Christine towards him and for a second she was all he could see. "She'll make someone a very lovely slave." He touched her face and she flinched away from him, icy anger in her eyes. "After I've finished using her of course." He amused himself by imagining slowly dismembering the Cardassian. Such thoughts were definitely beneath him but no less than the man deserved.

"I'm going to need time to consider." Jim told him.

"No, you're going to need time to attempt to rescue them. I know very well how Starfleet works."

"Even if I agree it will take us time to get the items together."

"You have an hour."

"An hour isn't long enough. We'll need at least four."

"Pierre – if you would be so kind?"

A man – a human? – standing behind the Cardassian shot Sulu in the leg without blinking. Sulu fell silently to the floor, face a crumpled mask of pain. Christine ran to him without hesitation, hands stemming the bleeding as she looked at the Human with fury on her face.

"If that's all you've got, maybe you should shoot the other one too. I'd hate to be uneven." Sulu shouted. Damn it, this was not the time for him to be a damn hero. The Human moved to strike him, but Christine stood between them, her eyes hard. If he so much as touched her he was going to-.

"That should do. For now." The Cardassian said, and the Human lowered his hand slowly, eyes still on Christine's face, and worry ignited anew in his chest. She was going to get herself killed. She shouldn't have drawn his attention. Damn it, he was going to find her if it was the last thing he did.

"I thought you said you weren't savages." Jim shouted in frustration.

"I was referring merely to myself. My colleagues have no qualms about hurting them, Kirk. I make the demands, not you. You have one hour. I will contact you then. Every fifteen minutes you make me wait I will cut something off one of them."

"No. Captain, don't-." Sulu shouted, but the screen went blank.

Jim stood up. "Recommendations?"

"We have to rescue them." He said immediately. "Damn it, he'll kill them irrelevant."

"Rescue them from where, Doctor?" Spock argued the point he already knew himself. "We are unable to establish where they are being held. It would be best to contact the Polarian Elders and inform them of the situation. They may be able to aid us."

His temper flared. What the hell was wrong with him? Did he want them dead? "In an hour? Don't be ridiculous man – it will take that long just to get them to hear us."

"It is ridiculous to beam down to a planet without any idea of where to begin looking."

"Damn it Spock, we can't sit here and do nothing."

"I am not suggesting doing nothing. However, hasty actions are more likely to get them both killed."

"We have an hour – hasty actions are the only damn thing we can do. You just-."

Jim raised his hand and he fell reluctantly quiet. "What if we made the trade?"

"Captain, such a trade would be unwise. Weapons like those could kill thousands of people, and he is unlikely to be trustworthy."

"Bones?"

He swallowed. Damn it, he would do almost anything to get her back, but Spock was right. They couldn't make the trade. He forced himself to nod in agreement.

"Well where does that leave us? Could we send a search party to the caves?"

"Captain, the caves system is spread over four-thousand kilometres. Even seasoned travellers often lose their way in them and die. Even if we had a team one-hundred strong we would be unable to search even a fraction of them in an hour, and may well lose some of our team in the process." Damn it.

"We should take a shuttle down – see if we can pick anything up on the scans." He suggested urgently. They had to do _something_.

"May I remind you that we cannot scan the caves, doctor."

"We can scan the surface though."

"It is improbable that there will be anything to find on the surface."

He thought quickly and desperately. "The temperatures in the caves must be well below freezing, so why could we not see their breath? They must have a heat source of some sort. Surely we might be able to detect that from the surface?" Jim still looked unconvinced. "Damn it, I'll fly the thing myself if I have to." He couldn't sit here knowing she was trapped down there. There had to be something – some way of finding them.

The captain gave him a level look. "Bones is right. We need to explore every possibility, no matter how remote. Bones and I will take a shuttle to the surface and see if we can find anything. Contact the Polarian Elders and try to get their permission to scan the caves. And get Scotty aboard – see if he can manage to get those weapons aimed at us disengaged. We might have to scan even without permission."

"Very well."

"Good. You have the bridge, Mister Spock."

"Damn it, still nothing." McCoy said in frustration almost fifty minutes later, and had to resist the urge to smack the console. Time was running out.

"We've covered the whole area, Bones. I'm not sure there's anything to find." Jim sat beside him, flying the shuttle.

"Then we'll do it again. We might have missed something."

"I don't think we missed anything."

"Technology malfunctions all the time, Jim."

"That may be so, but we both know the chances of us finding something are almost non-existent. The Cardassian wouldn't have chosen the caves if he thought there was any way we might be able to find him."

"Then why the hell are we here?"

"Because I could see from the look on your face that you would have taken the ship anyway. I didn't fancy insubordination today, especially not from you." He scowled because he might have been right. Jim fixed him with a penetrating look. "You're in love with her." Oh hell. Of all the moments for the captain to be perceptive, he had to do it now. He avoided his eyes.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"Because you offered to fly the ship. You've been my friend for a long time, Bones but I've never heard you offer to do that for anyone. I'm right, aren't I? You're in love with Christine Chapel." He made no reply because as much as he wanted to, he couldn't deny it. Jim chuckled gratingly. "I can't believe I didn't see it."

He rolled his eyes. "Damn it Jim. Can we talk about this later?" When they'd found her. When he was sure she wasn't dead. His chest ached.

"Fine. Let's go back to the start and scan again."

"I thought you said it was pointless?"

"No, I said that the chance was almost non-existent. I quite like those odds." He grinned and put in the trajectory and McCoy nodded his thanks. Despite everything, he thanked his lucky stars that the seat had been free next to Kirk on that first day. "Kirk to the Enterprise."

"Spock here."

"How are the negotiations coming?"

"The Elders remain unwilling to allow the scan, captain."

"You have impressed on them that two of our crew might die if we cannot do it?"

"Yes captain. They say that they are very sorry, but feel that the effects of the scan far outweigh any loss of life."

"That's damned ridiculous." McCoy said in frustration.

"How's Scotty doing?"

"Not good captain." Scott's voice joined them. "They've got more security on those torpedoes then a Torelian wetnurse. I can boost the shields but it won't be enough. One of the Ensigns thinks she might be able to put in an overlying program to reroute the torpedoes if they go off, but you'll have to standby on that one."

"Let me know if you manage."

"Aye sir."

"Spock, we're going to keep looking. Let me know when you hear from the Cardassian."

"Yes sir. Spock out."

"Damn it." He swore in frustration.

"Well, Bones, let's hope that the odds are in our favour today."

He was about to retort heatedly, but noticed a small flash of something on his scan "What's that?"

Jim frowned and brought them closer. "I'm not sure." He ran the scan again. "It looks like part of the surface has collapsed downwards."

"Is it them?"

Jim shook his head. "It's hard to know. They're glaciers – this sort of thing may regularly happen."

"Damn it. Let's keep scanning here." Jim nodded and took them closer.

Spock contacted them ten minutes later. "Well Spock. What does the Cardassian say?"

"The Cardassian failed to make contact, Captain."

"Is that so?"

"I think it would be reasonable to surmise that something has happened." He paused. "Given the circumstances it is likely that Lieutenant Sulu and Nurse Chapel had managed to escape."

"Sulu's injured. He's not going far on that leg." He pointed out.

"Nevertheless, both are trained Starfleet officers. It is likely they would have been looking for an opportunity."

Jim was nodding. "And they both have advanced combat training."

McCoy stared at him. "Chapel has combat training?"

Jim grinned. "Let's assume they've escaped and are lost in the cave. Mister Spock, what is the estimated temperature down there at the moment?"

"At least twenty degrees below freezing. However, some of the larger caves may be significantly cooler."

The captain turned to him. "How long do they have, Bones?"

He frowned as his stomach tightened. "If they keep active, two hours at best. Then the fatigue and hypothermia will set in."

"Ok. We'll keep scanning down here. They might send us some sort of signal. Tell Scott he has an hour."

"Yes sir. Enterprise out."

Jim began to plot out another course.

"It's almost been two hours, Bones." Jim commented as they swept the surface. McCoy nodded curtly. He knew. He counted down every minute. She would likely be unconscious now. She wouldn't have long. Sulu, with his leg, would probably be faring even worse. "I have a feeling that Scotty's not going to have much luck with those shields." The engineer had managed to deflect the missiles, and the ship had attempted to scan, only to find that there was a shield covering the caves. He'd never seen a place so well protected in his life. What the hell was down there? He would have to ask her about it when they found them. If they found them. Damn, he couldn't think about that. His feelings had only grown for her in the last few weeks, despite all attempts at repression. If she died it would do something terrible to him. She was indispensible to his happiness now.

"Come on Chapel. Give us a sign." He muttered in prayer. He leant back and closed his eyes.

"I've got something." Jim said loudly.

"What?"

"A distress signal on the surface."

"Where?"

"I don't know – it's weak. I'm trying to localise it now." He grinned. "She must have heard you." He brought the ship closer to the surface. "We're close to where that collapse was, Bones."

McCoy looked hard out of the window. "Jim, two hundred metres northwest. I saw something."

The captain swung the ship around. "You're right. There's something on the ground. I'm landing the ship. Kirk to the Enterprise. We've found something. Standby."

He landed and they disembarked quickly. "Hers?" Jim asked, picking up the piece of red material in the snow.

"She was wearing it this morning." Clever girl. Hope raged within him.

He squeezed his shoulder. "Looks like she made a hole in the roof with that disruptor. Get out your phaser, Bones. We're going to have to make a larger one if we want to get them out."

He nodded and together they cut a large hatch in the roof of the cave. It dropped loudly to the ground and he prayed that it hadn't landed on top of either of them.

Jim shone a torch down. "Chapel? Sulu? Are you down there?" The cave was deep. The light didn't even reach the bottom. How the hell had she managed to climb to the roof?

"We're down here." He heard her voice and relief coursed through him so strongly he lent on the shuttle for support. "Sulu's badly injured."

"Ok. We're coming down for you, sit tight."

"No, don't come down. The roof is unstable still and you'll probably bring down more on us."

He examined it – the ice wasn't very thick. It could collapse on all of them if they weren't careful. "She's right Jim."

"Send down a stretcher and I'll put Sulu on it." Christine called.

"Ok." Jim ran for a stretcher and attached the shuttle's winching system to it. They lowered it through the hole. "Head's up, Chapel." Jim called.

After a minute or two she shouted "All right;" and they began to pull him up.

"Easy Jim." The roof was cracking with the strain of the stretcher on it. "Nice and slowly now."

His first impression of Sulu wasn't good as he reached the light. They pulled him up the rest of the way.

"Hell." He muttered, pulling out his scanner.

"He's bad?"

The lieutenant's face was grey and he could see his JVP pulsing even in the semi-darkness. He touched the coat Chapel had wrapped around him and felt fresh blood, despite the amount that had frozen onto his clothes. "He's bad. Help me carry him."

They pulled back a chair and laid him on it and he pulled out a scanner. The man was in shock. He'd lost a massive amount of blood. It was only through Christine's attempts to stop the bleeding that he was still alive, but his heart was struggling. He was going to have to act quickly if he was going to save him.

"I'll get Christine." Jim told him. He nodded and began to peel back the man's clothes. He had an open-book pelvic fracture, bilateral femoral fractures, organ damage, internal bleeding and was seriously hypothermic. He gave the man a shot of clotting factors and began to surround him with blankets and heat packs. A beep on his scanner assured him that Sulu's heart had just stopped. Damn it. He attached cardiac stimulators to his chest and shot a wave of electricity through his chest. His heart reluctantly began to pump again, and he gave him a shot of inotropes for good measure, then pushed fluids through him. He was going to have to stabilize him before he could operate. He hadn't gone through all this only to lose one of them. Damn the Polarian Elders – if they hadn't been such idiots they would have found them sooner.

"Here she is, Bones." He glanced up long enough to check she was standing. He didn't dare look at her for longer – if Jim had seen how he was feeling then there was no doubt she would miss it. He wanted to hold her and check her over, but the relief she was safe was enough right now. He refocused on Sulu, mind clearer than it had been before.

"How is he?" She asked, moving closer.

"Not good. We're going to need to get a move on Jim." Jim nodded and went to the cockpit and Christine sat down in one of the seats.

"You'll have to operate?"

He nodded and began to amass equipment to incubate. "He's ruptured his spleen and is haemorrhaging from his pelvis."

"I tried to stop the bleeding but I had nothing and he was in a lot of pain." There was nothing more she could have done without equipment – they both knew that. She'd saved them both by getting help.

She was silent as he worked on the man – heating his body slowly, reperfusing his legs and organs, preventing cardiac shock. It wasn't until he was stable that he realised the reason she was so quiet. She was lying back on the seat, face pale and head on her shoulder. Damn it. He should have known better than to assume she was ok because she had walked onto the ship. She was going to be as hypothermic as Sulu, and she would never ask for help.

"Chapel?" Her face was frozen when he touched it. Oh hell. He felt the panic grip him. "Chapel? Damn it, Christine, open your eyes."

She opened her eyes quickly. "Sorry. I must have drifted off." She looked guilty as she met his eyes. Good grief he was an idiot.

"Hell, don't apologise." He began to scan her, not quite willing to stop his other hand from warming her cold cheek, especially when she leaned into it. "You're hypothermic. You need to stay awake." He began to pull blankets around her.

"I suppose I can't run laps this time." She murmured incoherently. He frowned and looked at her closely. Was that the hypothermia talking? He began to scan her again but she was watching him with a perplexing expression in her eyes.

"Trust you to fall down another damned hole." He said to distract himself.

"Actually I didn't. It fell on me." Hell, that wasn't the hypothermia. He took her head in his hands and began to examine it for lumps. Her hair had fallen loose and frozen together in clumps, and he could feel several bruises beginning to come out.

"Did you hit your head, Chapel?"

"Several times." She smiled at him. Why the hell did she look so happy about it? She must have hit it one too many times. She was definitely concussed.

"Only you could be that unlucky." He commented. He pulled away, then noticed the marks on her neck. "And someone tried to strangle you?"

"Yes." She replied matter-of-factly.

Anger coursed through his veins anew. "Next time you go on shore leave, I'm assigning a security detail to you." Next time they went on shore leave he wasn't letting her out of his sight.

She sighed and smiled up at him absently. "Perhaps next shore leave you could suggest that we go somewhere warm and sunny. I don't like the cold as much as I thought I did."

He felt his anger diffused by the look on her face. He laughed because he couldn't help himself. "Well you've had some sense knocked in to you at least." He pulled the blankets more tightly around her.

She reached out and touched his hand. The gesture surprised him. "Thank you."

He frowned at her. He'd left her there freezing and unconscious and hadn't even noticed. Why the hell would she be thanking him? "For what?"

"For rescuing me." She sounded so sincere he reached out and touched her face.

"You rescued yourself Chapel." They'd have never had found her if she hadn't. Then she reached out and hugged him around the middle. He was so stunned he froze for a moment. It wasn't until she began to pull away that his mind cried out in protestation. He bent down and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back to him. Hell, she was certainly concussed, but right now he didn't care. He felt the bands that had been tight across his chest begin to ease. She was alive and safe and with him.

"I'm glad you're all right, Chapel." He told her quietly. She had no idea how glad he was. She never could. He stood up quickly, before he did something stupid and turned back to finish preparing Sulu for surgery. He felt her eyes on his back as he worked. It was enough.

He'd operated on Sulu for two hours. Chapel had wanted to assist, and it had been hard work to make her back down. In the end he'd challenged her to walk across the sickbay in a straight line. When she was clearly unable (she'd walked into the wall and added another bump to her head) she'd had to back down. For once, the nurses had taken his side. They'd put her to bed with an almost comical number of blankets, and he had asked Doctor Seams to assist him. The operation had gone well and he'd stemmed the bleeding and repaired most of the damage. He'd been slightly concerned that Sulu's left leg might be permanently damaged, but first impressions seemed to be promising. He decided to keep him unconscious to allow his head to recover from the trauma. He'd contacted his wife and she had cried. He'd promised her that he would contact her the moment he brought him round. He'd try and arrange for them to have a private conversation if he could. Uhura would help with that. He often forgot that some women actually worried about their husbands.

The nurses packed away the surgical bay and covered up Sulu with care. He washed his hands and changed, then went to check on Christine. Nurse Kier was sitting in the seat next to her watching her carefully, and had the audacity to put a finger to her lips when he approached. At least she'd learnt from last time and was leaving her alone. He gave her a nod and to his surprise she replied with a smile. Hell, things were certainly changing around here.

"How are they doing?" Jim asked from behind him.

"I've just finished with Sulu. He won't be back to work for a few days, but should be fine."

"And Christine?"

"Nothing that a good sleep won't solve. How was your talk with the Polarian Elders?"

"I don't think we've made many friends, let's put it like that."

"But we didn't even scan the caves!"

"We tried. Apparently that was enough. The Enterprise won't be allowed back here for a while, although they say they're willing to consider other Starfleet ships at their discretion."

"I'm still trying to work out why the hell you wanted to come here in the first place."

Christine stirred in her sleep and they both looked at her for a moment.

"We need to have a chat, Bones." Jim told him.

McCoy sighed but obediently followed him into his office. This wouldn't be pretty. He poured them both a drink and threw Jim an apple as he sat down in Chapel's chair.

"So…" Jim began, putting his feet up on his desk. "I have to ask, Bones. I'm the captain after all. I need to know…"

He rolled his eyes. "Just ask it, Jim."

"Are you and Christine in a relationship?"

"No."

The captain looked surprised. "No?"

"Of course not, Jim. I do know the protocol, you know."

Jim was watching him. "She doesn't know how you feel, does she?"

He took a drink. "No. She doesn't know."

"Don't you think you should tell her? I mean we are talking about love here aren't we?"

"Never thought you'd be the romantic one, Jim." He said bitterly.

"I mean it, Bones. Or is this some sort of crush you're going to get over?"

"I'm not going to get over her. I've being trying."

"Is she in love with you?"

"Of course not."

"Are you sure?" He frowned. Was he? Reading Christine Chapel was like trying to read tea leaves with a hangover.

"I'm sure. I'm hardly the sort of man she'd be interested in." Jim chuckled in apparent disbelief. "It wouldn't matter anyway. I'm not going to break the medical protocols."

"What's love without a bit of risk, Bones?"

He rolled his eyes. He would say that. "It's more than a bit of risk, Jim. If we ever had a relationship and the Starfleet medical council found out we'd both lose our ability to practise medicine."

Jim grinned. "I thought you hated being on this ship anyhow?"

"Damn it, Jim. It's not about me. She's going to be a doctor." His friend looked at him in incomprehension. "Even the rumour of a relationship with her CMO as head nurse could ruin any chance she has of becoming one. She's wanted to be a doctor her whole life, but has always put other people first. You know that better than anyone. I won't let her do it again. Especially not for me." He didn't want her to wake up one day and hate him because he had taken away her dreams.

Jim was looking at him sympathetically. "Hell, Bones."

"Exactly."

The captain poured them both another drink. "You know, I might not be the most perceptive man when it comes to women;" He snorted. That was an understatement. "However, I've known Christine for a long time. I don't know how she'd feel about you making a decision about her life without even consulting her."

"Well she'll never know, so luckily she's not going to feel a thing."

"How are you going keep your feelings to yourself for the next four and a bit years?"

"I'll manage."

He gave him a long look. "You're not exactly known for suppressing your feelings."

"I've never needed to."

Jim chuckled. "I can think of several people who'd dispute that." He was fairly sure he was referring to the nurses. He drank his drink irritably as the comm. beeped. Jim sighed and stood up. "Kirk here."

"Captain, the Polarians have apprehended two of the kidnappers on their attempted escape from the ice caves. I thought you may want to put forward a case to have then tried by a Federation court."

"I'll be with you shortly, Mister Spock." He picked up the rest of his drink and downed it. "You know Bones, you're not always going to be her CMO. In four years you'll just be a man. What happens if it's too late then?" He returned the glass to the table and gave him a smile. "Chin up."

McCoy scowled at him and watched him leave. He put his head in his hands. Oh hell.


	19. Chapter 10 Roger Christine

10. Roger - Christine

_Ok – here's the chapter that some of you have been waiting for and no - it's not a kiss (you're going to have to wait a bit for that!). I apologise for putting this up alone – McCoy's chapter will follow shortly, but it's a long chapter and I figured you wouldn't mind just this once. This is where we find out what really went down between Christine and Roger Korby. Many of the ideas for this chapter come from the episode 'What are Little Girls Made of' from series 1 of TOS and therefore credit lies with the excellent writers of this story - although this is on an alternate timeline and there will be many differences. If you haven't seen it, go and watch it - it's fabulous. Be prepared for emotional intensity, we're about to push Christine to breaking point. Thanks for reading – and please review!_

"This is damned ridiculous Chapel." Doctor McCoy scowled at her, arms folded across his chest. "This is a sickbay, not the mess."  
She finished pinning up the decoration and frowned down at him from the chair she was standing on. "I don't know whether you've noticed, doctor, but we're part of a team. This is the sort of thing that a team does when a member of staff gets engaged. Now pass me up that silver heart."  
He rolled his eyes but obediently handed it to her. "Is there a particular reason why we couldn't have had this somewhere more sensible?"  
"Because all the nurses wanted to be there, and we can't leave the sickbay unstaffed, can we?"  
"And what are we going to do if we get a patient?"  
"You can see them in your office. I'm sure you'll appreciate the excuse to get away. Besides, Captain Kirk told me that we're still awaiting orders so the sickbay should be quiet."  
He snorted. "Did you just hear yourself speak, Chapel?"  
"I also have his word as captain that he will not man an away-mission, look too closely at some strange object in space or to discover any new lifeforms for the next three hours."  
"And you trust him?"  
She laughed and he gave her a hand down from the chair. "Not really, but I'm hoping the promise will at least make him think twice if something does pop up."  
She looked up at her handiwork with satisfaction. She and the other nurses had worked a large part of the day preparing the decorations ready for the night shift when Nurse Temple came on duty. Nurse Kier was picking up a cake from the mess right now, and Campbell and Hylara were moving equipment to the sides. For three hours they were all going to socialise and talk about things other than work. It was about time they did some group bonding outside the bounds of medicine. An engagement was the perfect excuse.  
McCoy was already looking longingly back to his office. "Don't even think about it." She warned him. "I expect you to be here the whole time. You're her CMO – I won't have you insulting Temple by leaving half way through."  
He scowled at her. "It's hardly like any of them want me here."  
"Nonsense. I've told everyone that this is all your idea. No – don't shout at me. You need all the brownie points you can get after accusing Nurse Ogiri of being pregnant yesterday."  
"She was vomiting in the morning and kept bursting into tears. I'm her CMO. I have a right to ask." He defended heatedly.  
She sighed. Sometime she wondered if he'd skipped every class on bedside manner at medical school. "That may be so, but if you need to ask, you do so in private. You don't shout at her across the sickbay. It took me the whole day to quash the rumours and to stop her crying."  
"Well why _was_ she always crying?" He looked slightly rueful. At least he was showing some interest.  
"She just found out that her boyfriend was seeing someone else behind her back."  
"Her boyfriend? Isn't he the one from the science team?" He surprised her with his knowledge. Clearly he was paying more attention to the staff than she had thought.  
"Yes."  
"I never liked him."  
She laughed softly. "You never like anyone." That was at least partially true. She picked up her PADD and checked her list. "Did you look over the reports I left on your desk?"  
"What exactly do you think I've been doing all day, Chapel?"  
"I have no idea. Your door was shut. Is that a yes?"  
"Obviously."  
"Good." She ticked it off.  
"Have you actually ever managed to live through a day where you haven't written a list?" He asked dryly, glancing down at it with amusement. "Hell, does that actually say 'warn Doctor McCoy to be on best behaviour'?"  
"Yes it does." She tried not to blush. The last thing that she wanted was him to upset someone tonight – hence why she had put it towards the top of the list.  
"Good grief woman."  
"Nurse Chapel, where do you want me to put the drinks?" Nurse Kier asked, politely interrupting them and rescuing her.  
"The table on the far right, please. Why don't you ask Doctor Zuvolt to help you?" She'd noticed that the young doctor had been watching the nurse an awful lot recently, but was clearly too shy to approach the woman alone.  
"Yes nurse." The way she smiled suggested that the idea of his help wasn't displeasing in the slightest. She watched as Zuvolt blushed and followed the nurse and couldn't help but smile to herself.  
"What are you up to, Chapel?" McCoy was watching her with raised eyebrows and she staved off another blush. She wasn't doing anything. She didn't interfere in people's private lives as a matter of principle.  
"I don't know what you mean."  
"Of course you don't." He gave her a look but there was amusement in his eyes. She frowned at him.  
"Why don't you go and do something useful."  
"I thought the whole point of this was that I don't get to do anything useful tonight?"  
"That's a matter of perspective, doctor." She checked the time. "Five minutes everyone." She called. "Nurse Campbell, go and act as lookout please."  
"Yes Nurse Chapel."  
She checked she had completed everything on her list, that the other nurses were ready, and that Doctor Seams was awake. Then she smiled to herself. All was prepared.  
"She's coming." Campbell rushed back in, looking like a small child in his excitement.  
The doctor was frowning. "Remember, best behaviour." She murmured to him and he frowned at her.  
Temple entered and took in the decorations and their faces with wide eyes. Then she promptly burst into happy tears. Doctor Zuvolt handed her a glass and the other nurses hugged her joyfully.  
"Good grief." She heard the doctor mutter to himself. She ignored him and went to congratulate her with a genuine smile. Temple deserved to be happy and clearly this engagement was going to help her to be so. And why not? They loved one another.  
The time passed quickly. They discussed wedding plans, Doctor Seams told some entertaining stories from his own marriages and Doctor Zuvolt surprised everyone with an excellent singing voice. McCoy kept slightly back – she expected he was waiting for summons from the bridge or a new patient as always – but it never came. He managed not to offend anyone, and in fact was positively polite and supportive of Temple's upcoming marriage - surprising since he usually spoke of the act with heated disdain. She had to laugh at his face when the woman hugged him in gratitude towards the end, teary eyed. She'd never seen him looked so panicked in her life as he patted her back uncomfortably. He noticed she was watching him and joined her when the woman had released him.  
"I don't know what you're smiling at, Chapel." He said with a scowl.  
"Why, for a moment you looked positively fatherly, doctor." She almost started laughing again.  
He rolled his eyes. "Don't take that condescending tone of voice with me, Chapel." He sounded genuinely embarrassed.  
"Don't pretend that you haven't enjoyed being on the good side of the nurses for once."  
"You're damned insufferable tonight." She knew she was right – nobody enjoyed being disliked and she had the feeling it upset him more than he would admit.  
"Well I think you did very well."  
"Don't patronise me."  
"Take a compliment." His face darkened. She knew that after a night of suppressing his prickly nature in difficult circumstances there was nothing more that he would like than an argument. Right now she really didn't want one. She smiled at him and patted his arm and was relieved to see his face cleared.  
"You seemed to enjoy yourself at least." The man commented, looking back on the nurses who were beginning to leave or to take down decorations.  
"I like to see everyone happy. The sickbay feels good – there's a unity here. We're like a family now."  
He nodded in agreement. She was glad he had noticed it too. "So you like working here then?"  
She glanced at him. Where had that come from? She knew he'd been worried about her after shore leave a few weeks ago. He'd never said anything, but she could feel him watching him sometimes. Did he think she was unhappy? "Of course."  
"Good."  
The comm. beeped and he sighed and answered it. She supposed the three hours were up now and Jim would want his advisor back. "McCoy here."  
"Bones, would you join me in my ready room? And bring Chapel."  
The Doctor exchanged a confused frown with her. "We're on our way."  
She picked up her medical kit, feeling mystified. Why did he need to see them both? He'd never asked to see them together before. She followed McCoy up the corridor and into the turbolift as foreboding flooded her.  
"I'm sure it's nothing, Chapel." The doctor commented, glancing at her face. He must have seen something in it. She smiled at his attempt at reassurance. He was probably right. She wasn't sure why she was feeling so worried. "He's probably got new orders, that's all." That the captain had to tell her himself?  
McCoy walked in without buzzing and she followed feeling slightly hesitant. The captain was sitting behind his desk and gave them both a grin. Commander Spock was also there, sitting in a chair nearby, hands flat on his legs, back straight.  
"Have a seat, Christine." He indicated the chair in front of him and she swallowed. She was definitely here for a professional matter then, if he wanted her across the desk. She took the seat. The doctor remained standing next to her, arms crossed in a defensive posture. Clearly he'd picked up on the nature of the meeting. "You too, Bones."  
"I'm fine. What's this about?"  
Jim frowned at him, but he knew as well as she did that there was no point arguing him. "We've received new orders, but since they affect Nurse Chapel directly, I thought I ought to see you both."  
"They affect me, sir?" The feeling of foreboding intensified.  
"Yes, Christine. We've been asked to transport Doctor Roger Korby from Earth to Exo III. I'm told you are acquainted." She felt the blood drain from her face and was glad she was sitting down. She squeezed her hands tightly in her lap to prevent them shaking. This couldn't be happening. That part of her past couldn't be haunting her now. She forced herself to think straight, intensely aware that there were three men watching her reaction.  
"Why is he returning to Exo III?" She asked, keeping her voice tightly controlled.  
"The doctor has insisted that there is a particular part of research that he can only complete by revisiting the planet." Spock explained.  
She nodded but made no response. What was she supposed to say? She had no desire to return to Exo III again. Nor to see Roger.  
Kirk was watching her carefully. "The research is supposed to be ground-breaking." She almost smiled angrily. So she'd heard. They'd only allow him off of Earth with the promise of something extraordinary. It was the same reason why he'd spent no time in prison. "The point is, Christine, that he's requested your help in completing it. He asked for the Enterprise - and you - specifically."  
Her help. Her _help_? "I'm sure he has other assistants who could help him better than me." She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice.  
"Apparently not." Spock told her. "I've already offered the services of the entire science department, but he is insistent on only you."  
"The man's a murdering psychopath, Jim. Since when does he get the chance to insist on anything?" McCoy sounded angry.  
"He's not a psychopath." She said quietly. She wished he had been. It would have made what he'd done more understandable.  
She saw Jim exchange a glance with Spock. "Nurse Chapel, I understand that you gave evidence at his hearing. Is that correct?"  
"Yes Commander."  
"And you were part of the team from the _Yamato_ that discovered him on Exo III after he went missing?"  
"Yes Commander."  
"You were his research assistant before he did so?"  
"Yes Commander."  
"You worked together on several projects?"  
"Hell, Spock, why the inquisition?" McCoy interrupted.  
"I am merely attempting to establish why Doctor Korby would request the assistance of Nurse Chapel when she gave evidence that led to his prosecution." She could give no answer to that one. Perhaps it was a way of continuing to torture her. As if finding out the man you loved had never loved you, had run off with another woman and never told you, and had killed twelve people wasn't pain enough.  
"Perhaps it would be easier if you told us the exact nature of your relationship with Doctor Korby?" The captain suggested. She struggled to decide how much to say. Did they really need to know the extent of their relationship? They had earned her trust over the last few months but this was her darkest secret. It wasn't easy to force the words out.  
"I was engaged to him, before he went missing."  
She heard McCoy inhale in surprise. Even Spock rose an eyebrow.  
"You were engaged?" Jim repeated. She knew what he was thinking. How could the great Roger Korby have been in love with a woman like her? She'd asked it herself during most of their relationship. When he'd told her he'd never loved her it had hurt, but everything had made more sense.  
"Yes, captain."  
"Your previous relationship may explain why Doctor Korby would prefer your assistance." Spock stated. "He has been extremely secretive about the details of his research. If you were emotionally involved he is more likely to trust you with sensitive information."  
"He was never emotionally involved, Commander Spock." She kept her voice bland, even though her insides ached with suppressed pain. "However, he felt I was one of his most able students. And Roger was - is - particularly discriminating over those he works with."  
The Vulcan nodded. "I have heard that he will not work with people that he has not tested first. His methods are quite fascinating."  
"It is true." He'd tested her from the moment he'd met her - and not just academically. He'd never done it in an aggressive way, and she'd never resented it like many of the other students had. After years with no one to talk to except her ill mother, she'd found it positively liberating. Perhaps that was why he had employed her as his research assistant. Only now it would seem that his testing wasn't over.  
"Listen Christine, I hate to ask you to do this, but the Federation are putting an awful lot of pressure on us to make sure he completes his project and if you say no I fear that they'll contact you directly, or try to force my hand to make you work together." Jim explained.  
"I understand."  
"He'll have a security team with him at all times. You'll never be alone together - not even for a moment." He continued. She wondered whether that was supposed to comfort her. She wasn't concerned he was going to hurt her physically.  
"This is damned ridiculous. You can't seriously expect Chapel to work with a mass murderer, especially one that she's had a past relationship with. It doesn't matter how important the project is."  
"It's all right, doctor." She said calmly.  
"Hell, it's not all right. She's not part of a science team - she's a nurse. I can't be doing without my head nurse. Surely Starfleet understand that."  
"You are correct doctor. However because of her past expertise Nurse Chapel is co-signed into both the science and medical departments. Consequently Starfleet could argue that such work is under her remit."  
She'd forgotten about that. McCoy looked like he was about to argue, but she stepped in. "Commander Spock is correct. I am co-signed and therefore must be available on request to the science department." The Doctor shot her an accusing look. Well it was hardly her fault - they had told her that she would be more likely to get onto the medical program if she was experienced in multiple fields, so she had co-signed to work in both departments. It had worked - she had got onto the program. Unfortunately she hadn't been able to stay on it.  
"How the hell did I not know that?"  
"It was on her resume, Bones." The doctor frowned. "So Christine?"  
She felt like vomiting, but also strangely calm. Perhaps she was in shock. Nevertheless, she was going to have to do this. She had no choice. She was all too aware what it would be like - that everything he would say to her would be a taunt, every look a reminder of the past. But what did she have to be afraid of? He couldn't hurt her any more than he already had. She was different now. She had been younger, more vulnerable, more trusting. She wasn't the woman that had loved him anymore.  
"I will do it." McCoy was scowling at her. Naturally this was black and white to him. If he'd been in her shoes he would have refused to work alongside such a man. But like it or not she couldn't. As much as she hated Roger, as much as she never wanted to hear his name again, he was a brilliant scientist. His research would be ground-breaking. And a small part of her wanted to see him again. She wanted him to see her and feel some sort of regret.  
"Thank you Christine. You'll only have to be with him for the duration of his research - after that we'll keep him in his quarters. He'll beam onto the ship at 0900 tomorrow - if you could meet him and his security that would be helpful." Jim explained.  
"We will make laboratory nine available for your use." Spock added.  
She nodded. How was this happening? Half an hour ago she had felt happy and content. Now she felt like someone had pulled the ground from under her and she was holding onto the edge for dear life. She stood up and the other men stood up with her.  
"Dismissed Nurse Chapel." She nodded again, attempted a less-than-convincing smile, and left. The doctor didn't follow her out, and she felt relieved. She didn't want to see the disgust on his face that she knew would be there. He wouldn't see things like the captain and Spock. To him Roger Korby wouldn't be the great scientist that everyone in Starfleet was familiar with. All he would see was that she had been engaged to a man who had gone on to butcher twelve people without remorse, and that she had agreed to work with him again despite knowing better than most exactly what he had done. He would think less of her now. That thought made her want to cry. She returned to her quarters and lay down, but knew she wasn't going to get even a moments sleep that night.

She dropped into the sickbay early the next morning to handover to Nurse Temple. She had tried to calm herself for the last few hours by making copious lists with little success. She spend fifteen minutes explaining to the other nurses what she would be doing, and resolving any issues. They seemed worried for her, as if they could sense her mood. Perhaps the dark circles under her eyes had given them an indication. She forced herself to be cheerful as she glanced to McCoy's office. The door was firmly shut. She wished he was there. Even his shouting at her would be preferable distraction to what she felt right now.  
"Any more questions?"  
"You'll return if there's a red alert?" Nurse Temple asked, looking fearful. Christine smiled at her reassuringly. Temple would be able to replace her satisfactorily for the time being - she had been training her for such a task and she had been learning well.  
"Yes I'll return, but no matter what, remember your training. You're all good nurses. Make sure that you listen to Doctor McCoy and try not to irritate him. I should be back to work in under a week. You all know how to contact me?"  
"Yes Nurse Chapel."  
"Excellent. Dismissed."  
She collected her PADDs and made her way to the transporter room with a heavy heart. She was early, but Ensign Chekov and Galloway and his five-man security team showed no surprise at her presence. She tried to assure herself that the waiting was going to be the worst part, but she wasn't quite sure that was true. As the time ticked nearer she grew more and more tense. She didn't think she could do this.  
"If you're going to vomit, I suggest you do it now, Chapel." The voice made her jump. She had been so absorbed she hadn't noticed him.  
"What are you doing here?" She stammered. He had no reason to be here, but she couldn't deny that she was glad to see him. For the first time all day she didn't feel so alone.  
He frowned at her. "I wanted to get an idea of the psychological state of Korby."  
She realised that made sense. He would have to fill in a prisoner health form. "As I said yesterday, he's perfectly sane, doctor." She pointed out.  
"I'll draw my own conclusion, thank you." He muttered. She nodded and glanced warily at the transporter pads. The nauseous feeling intensified. "You know, you still don't have to do this." He added quietly.  
"I do."  
"You have nothing to prove Chapel."  
She smiled bitterly. Was that what he thought this was about - her proving to herself that she could see him again? Well, there was part of her that that did want to prove something. She wanted Roger to see that she could live without him. That she had built herself a life and he wasn't in it. However, that wasn't the reason why she was doing this. "We both know that the Federation will bend over backwards to accommodate him, Doctor. I couldn't say no irrelevant. It would have just made this situation longer and more painful."  
McCoy looked exasperated. "You're a fool." He muttered.  
"I know." She gave him a wane smile. "I'm glad you're here to remind me." She was glad he was here irrelevant. She hadn't realised how much she needed him.  
"If anything happens Chapel... If he says anything or even looks at you the wrong way..."  
"They'll be a security team, Doctor McCoy." She reminded him.  
He nodded. "Even so... You know where I am. If you need me I'll be there." She looked up at him in surprise, but he was pointedly studying Chekov. What did that mean?  
She didn't have a chance to inquire. "Enterprise this is Officer Myers. We are ready to transport."  
"Officer this is Enterprise." Chekov replied. "We're locked onto you and ready to transport on your signal."  
"Energise."  
The light came on and every other thought was pushed from her mind as two forms materialised in front of her.  
He was exactly how she had remembered - grey-blonde hair, soft blue eyes, an easy smile. The face that had filled her dreams for years. The face that had ruined her life with that same smile and a look of incomprehension in those eyes. She felt an instinct to throw herself into his arms and slammed it down hard, feeling panicked. Then she felt a steadying hand on her back. Thank goodness McCoy was there. She swallowed any reluctance and stepped forward.  
"Officer Myers, Doctor Korby, welcome to the Enterprise. If you would be so kind as to submit yourself to a search by our security team."  
Galloway and the others were already stepping forwards with scanners. Roger took their somewhat aggressive searching with a look of long-suffering amusement. Myers remained stony-faced.  
"Well, I can tell by the thoroughness of the security staff that this must be an excellent ship. Thank you." He said affably. "You must be the man who transported us." He smiled at Chekov.  
"Yes sir."  
"Excellent job. And who might you be?" He had turned to the doctor, who looked him up and down in a way that she knew meant trouble.  
"This is Doctor McCoy. He's our chief medical officer here on the Enterprise." She said quickly.  
"McCoy... McCoy..." Roger was searching that name in his remarkable memory. "Ah yes, I recall. You wrote several papers on neuroregeneration did you not? Fascinating, if I may say. And now you are CMO of this ship. Remarkable how things turn out."  
"How so?" There was an edge in his voice.  
"Why, that your head nurse has direct experience of the disease that you were working to prevent."  
He stiffened and she put a hand on his arm. Roger wouldn't have meant any slight by the comment. He wouldn't be referring to his lack of success. At least she hoped he wasn't. He never thought much of scientists who didn't see their projects through to the bitter end - said it didn't show the right level of dedication. Unlike most people, Roger had never lived in the real world.  
"We have a laboratory prepared, doctor. If you would like to follow officer Galloway." She said, putting on her best professional voice.  
He smiled at her. "Excellent Christine. Excellent." She frowned at him. It was anything but excellent. She wished he wouldn't use her first name. She didn't know how he had the audacity to smile at her like that after everything that had happened. She could already feel the pressure building in her head - the pressure not to cry. The sooner this was over the better. The guards led him out but she felt the hand on her arm.  
"Chapel..." There was real worry in McCoy's eyes. Well, he thought she was an idiot, but at least seemed to care.  
"Don't worry." She attempted a smile, then on impulse squeezed his hand and left him frowning in the transporter room.

"Have a look at this Christine." Roger said from across the lab. The past few hours had torn her nerves to pieces. She had done as much as she could without looking or speaking to him, keeping her distance as she set up the equipment and began initiating their self-diagnostic programs. It felt surreal in a way. It was so similar to old times - Roger studying some PADD of runes he had found on a planet, or old technology, and she dealing with the practical side of things, running the experiments and making sure he wasn't working himself too hard. Their silence had always been companionable in the past. It was anything but now. She simply didn't understand why he had wanted her. Where was Andrea?

She reluctantly joined him at the desk and glanced at the PADD he was holding. It contained a picture of the wall markings that often haunted her dreams.

"There from Exo III." She commented.

"Yes. Can you tell what they show?"

She didn't want to look closer. The memory of that place was sufficiently disturbing. "No."

"Come along Christine. It is important. Tell me what you see." She frowned at his tone but old habit was hard to break, and she obediently looked closer.

"They are pictograms of humanoids. It they are read from top to bottom, they seemed to show misshapen beings that become red – I'm not sure the significance of that colour - and then are fully formed."

"Very good. What if I told you that I had found the same series of pictures all over the walls of what I believe was a science facility?"

"Then I would question why, if there was a science facility, the people were not advanced enough to evolve from writing on the wall – and using pictograms." She retorted in frustration. She wasn't here to be tested.

Roger turned and looked at her, and then laughed. It was a full laugh. She had loved that laugh in the past, but now she found it grating on her already frayed nerves. "That is a good point, Christine. Trust you to notice such a thing. I had never even considered it. However, I theorise that the technology that the people had designed was so advanced and important that they had tried to ensure that anyone who discovered it would be able to understand its aims even if their records and script were lost."

She nodded. "I assume it is this technology that you have been working on."

"Yes. I began to get some idea of it when I first saw the pictograms from photographs of an expedition to the planet fifty years ago. However, I did not truly appreciate the magnitude of the discovery until I was on Exo myself."

She wondered whether it was this discovery that had caused him to kill twelve people. Clearly it had prompted him to leave her and strand himself on the planet with Andrea. Or maybe he'd been so desperate to leave her he would have gone anywhere. "Are you going to tell me what this discovery supposedly is?"

"In good time." Clearly he wasn't through testing her. Irritation flashed through her. She was no longer the student or the lover. She had proven herself enough – and had never been good enough in any way that had mattered.

"Then what exactly do you want me to work on?"

"I need you to test some tissue samples for me."

"For what?"

"Anything you can – chromosomal abnormalities, disease, viruses. Anything that is potentially destructive."

"I see."

Roger looked up at her. Clearly he had heard something in her voice. "Is there a problem, Christine?" Good grief. The man really did live in a bubble. Did he really think she would jump at the chance to work with him after he had destroyed her?

"No."

"You seem to have little enthusiasm."

"Well I still don't know what I'm supposed to be enthusiastic about, doctor."

"Call me Roger, Christine."

"I'd rather not."

He looked at her like she was being irrational. "Why not? You're still upset about before?"

She didn't look at him. He always had a way of making her feel like it was her fault. "We're not here to talk about the past. I'm here on assignment."

"Ah, of course. I hear that you are no longer a scientist."

"Yes."

"A nurse, though? It's such a waste. You were so excellent in our field that I would have thought you would have left behind that profession." She hated that he acted like he knew her.

"I enjoy nursing. I have learnt a great deal in the last few months."

"Under Doctor McCoy?"

"Yes. He's an excellent doctor."

"I recall he was also a very talented researcher." Roger said thoughtfully.

"He still is."

"I'm sure. He seemed to be an awfully stern chap. I imagine he begrudges me taking you away from his sickbay. Well, not to worry. He'll soon understand the enormity of this discovery and will be pleased you were involved. Now, my dear, let's set up these experiments."

He was already sinking into his old ways as if he had never left her – as if they had never been separated. She was tempted to walk out right there, while she still had her mind intact. However she was under orders. She began to load the tissue samples into the computer.

A few hours later she had called it a day and the guards had led Roger back to the guest quarters. She had done a great deal of work, and it had left her feeling curious. The tissues samples were perfect – no abnormalities of any kind. She had wondered what he had been trying to show her until he had asked her to subject the tissue to all kinds of insult. Repeated testing had shown the samples were unaltered by radiation, heat, cold, chemicals or viruses. It was extraordinary and she wasn't sure what to make of it. She wasn't sure if she really cared to know what to make of it. She felt emotionally drained. Roger had been testing her nerves as closely as she had been testing the samples. She wondered if he was deliberately trying to hurt her, or whether he had always cared so little for her feelings that he didn't even notice. She imagined it was the latter. It hurt more than she could say.

She closed down the lab and headed back to her quarters. They looked particularly empty tonight. She had never considered it before, and yet this was all the home she had and it was hardly a home at all – just a place she slept and planned her day. On Earth Roger had lived in a large house surrounded by trees and filled with family portraits and antiques. It had had personality – his personality. She had loved it there – waking up with the sun shining through leaves, spending hours by the fire studying his books, watching him work in his laboratory. It was like going to a different time, to a different world, where everything was safe and good. When he had disappeared she had still visited his home, but when she had found him even that pyramid of security she had built for herself had collapsed.

"Computer, open personal folder 2879."

"Please give password."

"Andrea." She had chosen it to remind herself why that folder was locked – and why she shouldn't look in it. Yet this is what he had brought her to.

She opened the first picture. It was of them standing at his house, by that large wooden door. His arm was around her and he was smiling gently, almost indulgently she saw now, as she beamed her happiness. That had been just after he had invited her there, soon after they had become a couple. The next picture was them on Vulcan, just after he had been awarded a prize by the Vulcan Science Academy. Her hand had been on her arm, her face full of pride, but he was detached from her, always smiling and pleased but viewing her passion for him with almost paternal amusement. She wondered what exactly she had been to him. Probably nothing more than an experiment that had gone too far. She felt like crying.

The door buzzed and she shut down the folder quickly and composed herself. Had she forgotten she was supposed to be meeting Uhura? She opened the door and was surprised to see McCoy filling it.

"Doctor?" His hands were behind his back and he looked uncomfortable. What was he doing here? He'd never come to her quarters before.

"Chapel." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to bring you the finished reports."

"I see." She frowned at him because he clearly wasn't carrying anything. "Do you have them?"

He opened his mouth, and then realised. "Damn it." He muttered.

She smiled gently. That was just like him. "Why are you really here?"

He scowled, but it gave way to embarrassment as she held his eyes. "Jim asked me to keep an eye on you. He would have done it himself, but I think we both know what his looking after actually involves."

She nodded. "That we do." She was glad that it was him. "Come in." He followed her into her quarters and the door slid shut behind him. He looked awkward as he glanced around. "Have a seat. Two orange juices." She ordered from the replicator. She was well aware that the doctor would not relax unless he had something in his hand, and she needed something else to look at other than him.

"Orange juice, Chapel?" He asked, raising his eyebrow.

"You drink far too much doctor." She handed him a glass and sat down on the other end of the sofa, curling her legs under her.

"The hell I do. I usually need it. The sickbay is a shambles."

"No it isn't." She sighed. "And don't pretend that your day could have been any worse than mine."

He shot her an understanding look. "How's the research going?"

"Fine, although I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be researching. Roger hasn't been kind enough to let me into his confidence."

"I thought the reason he wanted you was because he could?"

"So Commander Spock says. I imagine this is some sort of test. He'll try and make me work out the answer myself."

"Why?"

"Because he likes to try and improve the people around him."

"You don't need improving Chapel." She wondered whether Kirk had also ordered him to be kind to her.

"I always need improving." She brushed it off. "However, the last time I spoke to him I thought he considered me a lost cause, so it's intriguing that he's willing to give me another chance." She kept her voice light and neutral despite the pain the memory caused.

"He sounds like an idiot. If I was being forced to work with him I would demand he tell me what the hell he was up to."

She shrugged. "It wouldn't work. He would think such demands were juvenile and ignore them."

"He sounds like a damn Vulcan." He took a sip of the orange juice and made a face.

"No, he's nothing like a Vulcan. He's passionate and emotional over the things that are important to him. Mostly his research." And Andrea.

McCoy was shaking his head. "You know, Chapel, I really don't understand how you were attracted to him."

She sighed. She had been so different then. "I was young and naïve and alone and he offered me a home and a life doing something I loved."

"Surely the age difference though…" She wasn't surprised he had brought that up. He certainly wasn't the first person to comment on it.

"He was kind and patient with me and was always a gentleman. I never had the dreams other girls have of passionate love affairs. I just wanted someone who wanted me for me, and who would stay constant. Unfortunately with Roger I failed on both those counts." McCoy always managed to get her talking. She'd never spoken about Roger to anyone.

"He wasn't constant?" McCoy was studying her carefully as a look of comprehension came into his eyes. "Hell – the woman they found him with…?"

"She was one of his research assistants. I don't know how long he'd been having an affair for – but since they ran away together I'm guessing it was quite some time."

"Hell Chapel."

"I don't begrudge him for it really. He really loved her in a way he never cared for me."

"And that makes it ok?"

"No, but it makes it understandable. I can settle for understandable. He was brilliant but struggled with linguistics. She was a beautiful, brilliant linguist – she complimented him in a way I never could. No matter what I did, _I_ could never be good enough for him. For a while I thought no one could be. I was glad I was wrong."

McCoy frowned at her. "Chapel, you're an idiot. The man cheated on you. He should be down on his knees begging your forgiveness. How the hell can you be so understanding?"

"Because it wasn't the worse part. Some of what he's done is so incomprehensible to me that I have to make sense of what I can."

"Like the deaths?"

"Yes." She didn't want to think about them. Not if she was going to have to face him tomorrow. "And the fact that he proposed to me two weeks before he went missing, even though he was in love with someone else and about to leave me."

He shook his head. "And you're saying he's not psychotic?"

"Yes. He's completely lucid. His psychological assessment for his hearing never picked up on anything."

"No man in his right mind leaves a woman like you."

She wasn't quite sure what to say to that. She was fairly sure he was trying to make her feel better, but felt herself blush nonetheless. "Have you got everything you need?"

"Need?"

"Well, I imagine you are trying to assess me psychologically. You do realise that protocol does dictates that you are supposed to tell me of your intentions before we start the discussion."

"I didn't come here with an agenda Chapel." There was honesty in his eyes and a gentleness that made her ache, even as the butterflies danced happily.

"Doctor, can I ask you a personal question?" She suddenly needed things to be equal between them.

"Yes."

"Why did your wife leave you?" She saw him pause, glancing away, and felt suddenly unsure.

Then he sighed and leaned back. "Hell Chapel."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"No, I suppose it's fair. I just wasn't expecting it. She left me for someone else."

She was genuinely surprised. She had always imagined his ex-wife would have left him because they were fighting, or because she didn't know how to deal with his temper. Not because she had been cheating on him.

"She left you?" She suddenly felt awful for him.

"Yes – he's some sort of interior designer, and a much better person than me I'm told."

"I don't believe that." There were few better people than him – not deep down.

He snorted quietly. "Do you not? Well she's much happier now."

"What happened?"

He shrugged. "I was the idiot that never saw it coming. I was working long hours – trying to make a name for myself – but I thought we were all right – I didn't see she was miserable. Then one day I come home and she tells me that she's divorcing me, that there was someone else, and that she frankly couldn't stand me."

"I'm sorry, doctor." She really was.

He nodded. "At least I can say I know how it feels, Chapel."

She wondered if he still loved her. She wondered how he'd felt when his wife had taken his daughter with her. She wondered if he was still punishing himself. "Was joining Starfleet a way of hurting yourself, because you blamed yourself for her leaving?" He was the sort of person who would put himself through the one thing he was most terrified to do.

He gave her a long look, then quirked a smile. "You know, you're supposed to give me warning Chapel, before a psychological assessment." She returned his smile, knowing that he'd ended the conversation but feeling better than she had all day. His pain had put her own in perspective.

She changed the subject before he became uncomfortable. "How was the sickbay?"

"Quiet, although Temple's running around like a headless chicken. Trust you to pick a substitute that is so damned neurotic."

"Be patient with her. She's never done anything like this before."

"I am being patient."

"You mean you haven't made her cry in my absence."

"Damn it Chapel, I never make anyone cry."

She laughed at the blatant lie. "Perhaps not deliberately."

He frowned at her. "I should be going." She wondered if she'd offended him. He was suddenly closed and remote. Right now his mood swings were incredibly frustrating. She enjoyed his company and didn't want him to leave. Did he not want to be around her anymore? Or had he simply got what he came here for? Why did she always expect him to act like her friend rather than her CMO? She covered her hurt with a smile.

"I should be off to bed too. I'll have to go and get the results of the experiment in a few hours. How long until we reach Exo?"

"Another forty-eight hours, or so." She nodded. It was going to be a long two days with Roger. McCoy stood up and began to walk to the door. Then he paused, back to her. "You know I think that this is a pretty bad idea, Chapel."

"I know." He'd made that point extremely clear. But there was no going back now.

"Well even so. You don't have to feel like you're on your own with it. What I said before…" Her thoughts automatically went back to earlier, when he'd told her he'd be there if she needed him.

"I know, doctor. Thank you." She'd needed him tonight, and there he had been – the only person who had a chance at understanding what she was going through. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Chapel." She watched him leave, unsure of what to make of the mixture of emotions that she was feeling. When the door slid closed behind him she wasn't sure whether she was upset or relieved.

"Well Christine, tell me what you have deducted so far." Roger ordered her from across the room.

She looked up from her computer and suppressed a sigh. They had been working for twenty-seven hours straight now. Every hour, like clock-work, he had asked her the same question. Every hour so far she had given him the same answer – that if he wasn't going to tell her what he was up to, she needed more time to compose her own conclusions. However now, with six hours before they arrived, she felt she had seen enough – and had played this game with him for too long.

"The tissue appears to be artificial – grown from a few cells. They intriguingly have been genetically engineered to be resistant to most environmental insults, causing an inherent stability and immortality."

"Very good. What do you conclude?"

"That the application of this technology is vast, but potentially could be used to grow replacement organs – and even objects with more complex structures, such as limbs."

"You're thinking too small Christine. We can produce replacement bodies for people – perfect, immortal bodies." The excitement in his voice was obvious.

She frowned at him. "Perhaps it is possible, but I can hardly see how the bodies could be used as a replacement. It would require the transference of the mind from one brain into another – and since the brain is entirely unique, based on individual neuronal connections, it would be impossible to keep the mind identical."

"That is not quite true, Christine. I've been experimenting with a method that maps the neuronal connections and associations, and can imprint them onto a virgin brain." She was beginning to have a bad feeling. She remembered the state of the bodies they had found. Surely not…

"The brains would also be unable to learn through the formation of new connections since the tissue is stable."

"Very true. However things like memory and personality would remain intact and therefore new knowledge would largely be unnecessary."

"Unnecessary? Surely that depends on the age of the mind put in? A child would never be able to advance otherwise."

"Perhaps we put too much emphasis on advancement."

She frowned at him. "I don't think that we put enough emphasis on it. Is it not that the aim of science to advance?"

"Science can be fulfilled through study of the past. I believe answers to all our needs have already been discovered once, and are simply lost."

"You're wrong. Scientific thought and the ability to come up with new ideas is a vital part of science, and for personal and species development. It makes humans Human. All the study of old ideas, though important, is only part of science – true science is to develop them."

Roger looked up at her in surprise. "Are you arguing with me, Christine?"

"Yes, I think I am." There was a time once when she would have agreed with everything he said. That time had passed.

"You've changed."

"I hope so."

He smiled at her. "You're your own person now – a scientist in your own right." She hadn't expected that response. He was praising her? Why now? He joined her at her desk, pulling up a chair, and placing his hand over her own. She removed her hand and pulled her chair slightly away. What was he doing? "Do you remember when we went to the Archaeological Medical conference, Christine?"

She frowned at him, his proximity making her nervous. She glanced up at one of the guards at the door, but he was steadily staring at the wall, ignoring them both. Didn't he see she needed rescuing? Unwillingly her mind went back to the memory. She'd told him she loved him at that conference. He'd been asking her what was wrong for the best part of three weeks – since the time she had realised she was in love with him but hadn't known how to hide it. Roger was blind to everything except his work, but even he had noticed that she was distracted. She'd finally told him because she was desperate, knocking on the door of his hotel room that night because she didn't know what else to do. She had thought perhaps his rejection, although crushing, would cure her of the madness. But he hadn't rejected her. Not at all.

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember what we discussed in my room?"

She remembered how she had lain in his bed, in his arms, feeling truly happy for the first time she could remember. "We discussed Utopia."

"That's right. A perfect society – with no pain, or sickness, or war."

"What has this got to do with the project, doctor?" She asked. Why was he doing this to her now? Those memories were best left dead.

"Don't you see, Christine? It has everything to do with this project. Since that day I have dedicated every hour to finding a way to build Utopia, but it was not until I saw the pictures of Exo III that I thought I might have found a way to achieve it."

"I don't understand."

"Immortality, Christine. Perfect, immortal bodies. It is one part in the building of Utopia and I have achieved it."

"Wait – you've actually done it? You've manufactured a whole body?"

"Yes – and so much more. That was only the beginning. I spent five years on Exo and Andrea translated much of their records. The ancient people had solved every aspect of a Utopian society. The bodies were just the beginning." He was beginning to sound excited and she was beginning to understand the truth.

"The people you killed..?"

"Casualties, Christine. Means to an end. They had crash landed, and some would have died anyhow. Five are still alive, but now in perfected bodies." Still alive? She wondered if it could be called that if their brains were not intact. How could he experiment on people? She had seen the bodies – their faces drawn into an excruciating mask.

"Where are they?"

"They're still there, Christine. They're still on the planet."

She shook her head. She was beginning to think that he really had lost his mind. "They can't be, Roger. We scanned the whole planet surface. There were no more lifeforms on it."

"There are ways of hiding. The caves are not scannable due to the planet's magnetic field." Of course there weren't. What was it with caves?

"And they are there?"

"Yes."

She shook her head. "It's a little hard to believe, Roger." They had seemed largely empty when she had been there.

"When have I ever lied to you, Christine?"

She could think of several hundred times. She sighed. "So if you can already do it, why are you returning to Exo?"

"Because, as I said, the building of the bodies is only part of Utopia."

"And you need to return to Exo for the rest?"

"Yes, Christine. I need you with me for this last part."

"Why me?" She swallowed the reluctance she felt at saying the other woman's name. "Where is Andrea, doctor?"

"She doesn't matter now. She's played her part." Had he abandoned her too? Surely not? "I need you Christine. It has to be you when we return."

"I don't understand."

"You will." He was studying her like he was really seeing her. The last time he'd looked at her like that was the night of the conference.

She was beginning to feel scared. Just what was he doing? Did the Federation know? She doubted it. "I think you're tired, doctor. You need rest. You should go back to your quarters. I'll have them contact you when we arrive."

"No – I have too much to do, to plan. Please Christine." He gave her a pleading look with the eyes that she had once loved and she almost gave in. Almost, but not quite.

"You can do nothing exhausted. Officer Myers, if you would be so kind." The man nodded, and put a hand on Roger's shoulder.

"Well, I see that I'm not going to win. I shall go with some dignity." He smiled at her. "Contact me when we're close. We'll go down together."

She nodded, but knew already that there was no way she was going to go down to the planet with him.

"Get some sleep."

She watched him leave, the other guards forming an escort. Then she counted to ten and attempted to get her panic under control. It was ok – nothing bad had happened yet. Nothing was going to happen either, if they nipped it in the bud now. She swiftly shut down the lab and made her way to the captain's office.

"Come." His voice came readily after she buzzed. She let herself in and was unsurprised to see Spock and McCoy already with him. Spock was studying a PADD in hand and McCoy was leaning against the wall beside the window, arms crossed. She wondered if they had been arguing again.

"Christine, is everything all right?" Jim asked her.

She smiled at the question, simply because right then everything couldn't have been further from all right if she tried. "Not really."

"Have a seat." She obediently took the proffered chair and tried not to look at him. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold onto her emotions and keep herself together.

"I found out the nature of Roger's work." She told them. "It's… somewhat shocking."

"Shocking? Please elaborate." Spock said passively. Of course, it would take quite a lot to shock Spock.

"Roger has discovered a way to build bodies."

"Like cloning?" The doctor asked from behind her.

"No, not exactly. The bodies would be perfect – all defects would be removed."

"So he's genetically engineering them. Well that's not new."

"It's more than that. The bodies aren't just perfect – they're potentially immortal. And able to survive practically any insult."

"Fascinating. You've tested this?" The Vulcan asked her.

"He gave me some tissue samples. Now I consider it, I imagine that he took them from Exo, although I would have never guessed their age. I've subjected them to every insult I could think of to no effect. I've never see cells so stable in my life."

"So he's found a way to create immortality?" Jim asked her, wide-eyed.

"In a manner of speaking. The bodies would be perfect but insentient. He would have to transfer a consciousness from one body into a new one."

"That's not possible." McCoy said with conviction. "The Human mind is far too complex to allow such transference."

"That's what I said, but apparently he's found a way."

"You've seen evidence of this?"

She shook her head. "No, not as such. However, he's told me that the people he killed were due to experiments of this nature. In fact, he says that five were successful and are still living on Exo in the caves under the surface."

"Is that possible?" Jim asked her.

She shrugged. "We scanned the planet before we left, and found no life signs. But our sensors were far less powerful than the Enterprise's."

"Well, now we know why the Federation would be so interested. Even a whiff of the ability to live forever would have every scientist's panties in a twist." The doctor snorted but didn't disagree.

"There's more."

"Of course there is." McCoy muttered.

"When Roger and I were… together, he spoke of forming a Utopia. He's been obsessed with the idea ever since. He said that the extinct people of Exo III were able to create a way of doing this – something more than to create a perfect body."

"Do you have any idea what this is?"

"None – but it requires him to return to Exo."

"I see."

She decided to tell them everything. "Apparently it also requires me."

"You? What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know, but that's what he said. He told me that he and I would have to go down together – that I'm necessary.

"Well, there's no way you're going down there." McCoy said vehemently.

She smiled slightly. "I certainly wasn't planning to."

"All right. Well now we know he's up to something." Jim frowned.

"I do not believe that you will be required to continue to see Doctor Korby, nor do I think it is a good idea." Spock told her, and she almost sighed in relief. "His plans clearly are dependent on you somehow."

Jim nodded. "I agree. Let's find out what we're dealing with first. I don't want you getting in deep with something like this, Christine. Bones, I think you need to go and pay a visit to the doctor. See what his mental state is like."

"I'm a surgeon, Jim, not a psychiatrist."

"Well you're the best I've got." The doctor snorted. "Spock, I'm going to need scans of Exo – pull up the most recent ones on our database and see if you can see any signs of life and these caves that Doctor Korby mentioned."

"Yes captain."

"I'm going to have a little talk with Starfleet and see if they how much they knew of this before they agreed for Korby to get on our ship." He gave her a smile and she had the feeling that heads were about to roll.

"What would you have me do, captain." She asked wearily.

"She needs sleep." McCoy said, moving beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder.

Jim looked at him for a moment, then grinned. "That you do Christine."

"I'm fine." She said, without much conviction.

The doctor snorted. "Of course you are."

"Dismissed, Nurse Chapel. Don't worry, we'll contact you when we've decided on a course of action."

"Thank you, sir."

She stood up and the doctor dropped his hand. She noticed that he looked just as weary as she felt. She hadn't seen him since that night in her quarters. Was it last night, or the night before? Being with Roger had sapped her sense of time. She wished she could sit down with him again, that she could talk it all out with him – that mixture of emotions she was feeling. He would tell her she was being a fool, would wrap his arms around her, and it would be blissfully reassuring. Unfortunately it wasn't going to happen. Other than just then, he hadn't touched her since shore leave. Professionally of course, that was a good thing. She just wasn't sure how she felt about it – because like it or not, she craved his touch. Her feelings for him were almost as confused as they were for Roger.

"Goodnight." She turned promptly and left.

Her comm. woke her some hours later and she opened her eyes blearily.

"Computer, time."

"1500 hours." She had been asleep for seven hours. How had that happened? She got up quickly and answered the comm.

"This is Chapel."

"Nurse Chapel, the captain would like to see you on the bridge." Uhura's voice told her.

"On my way."

She quickly donned her uniform and pinned her hair to neatness. They must be in orbit by now. The captain would have come up with a plan. She mentally prepared herself for anything and briskly walked to the bridge.

"Captain?"

"Ah, Christine, there you are." Jim smiled at her as she stared at the viewscreen. There was Exo, in all its snowy glory. "We've got a bit of a problem."

"A bit of a problem?" McCoy's dry voice reached her and she turned and almost gasped.

"Doctor, your face." It was a mass of bruises, and his lip was split.

Jim laughed quietly. "You should probably take a look at it, Christine. He won't go down to sickbay."

"My face is the least of our damned worries right now." He scowled, but it lost some of its pungency when he looked so beaten. She removed her medical pack and approached him. It was a look from Uhura that made her suspicious.

"How did this happen?"

"Korby's escaped." McCoy bit at her as she began to scan him.

She almost dropped her scanner. "Escaped?"

Jim nodded. "He stunned Bones and sedated his guards. He's holding Galloway hostage – he forced us to transport him to the surface."

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. He'd escaped. He was down on Exo. Whatever he was doing, it wasn't good. She felt terrified and angry, but a small part of her also felt hurt that once again he had left her despite his promises.

"Give it to me Chapel." The doctor took the scanner from her hand as she struggled with her blinding panic.

"Captain, we're receiving a communication from the surface – audio only." Uhura told them.

"Put it through."

"Enterprise, this is Roger Korby."

"Doctor Korby. You have Galloway with you?"

"Yes, he is fine. I have no intention of damaging him. I apologise for having to escape in such a manner, but you left me little choice. I could not take the risk that you would not allow me down to the surface."

"Release Galloway, Doctor Korby." Jim demanded.

"I fully intend to. However, I request that you and Christine beam down to the surface. If you do so, I will release Galloway onto the surface immediately, and you can beam him up."

"Why do you want us?"

"There is something that I must show you both. Christine knows that I mean her no harm. I'd never do anything to hurt her." She frowned. It was too late for that now.

"So you want us to beam down in exchange for Galloway?"  
"I believe that is what I said, Captain Kirk. Come down alone – I have friends here and I would hate for anything to happen to others you bring."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, simply an unfortunate consequence. I mean neither of you any harm. I just need you to see. I'm sending you the coordinates now. I expect to see you shortly."

The communication beeped out and she felt such a wave of nausea that she had to put her hand on a chair to stop her knees buckling. Uhura put a sympathetic hand on her arm, and she attempted to give her a smile and her stomach churned.

"What do you think, Spock?"

"I am not sure captain."

"Christine?" She pulled herself together and approached his chair. She felt the doctor close on her heels.

"He's right – I don't think he would hurt me." Not physically. "However, I'm concerned Galloway may end up in one of the bodies."

Jim nodded. "I don't see how we've much choice then."

"Of course there's a choice Jim. You can't seriously be considering going down there?"

"I am. Although Christine, I think perhaps you should stay."

Stay? How could she stay? She needed to bring him back. "I can't, captain. I can talk to him. Whatever else he thinks, he still listens to me."

The captain nodded and McCoy looked outraged. "Jim!"

"No, Bones. I agree with Christine. She's not in any danger, and she might be the only one who can get through to him. Whatever he's got into she's the only one who knows him well enough. We'll go down together."

"Then I'll come with you." She felt surprised he would offer. Did he want to get revenge for his face – or did he simply not trust them enough to stay out of trouble without his help. She guessed it was a combination of the two.

"No Bones. I need you here for Galloway. Mister Spock, you have the bridge. If we don't communicate with you in an hour come and find us."

"Yes captain."

McCoy threw up his hands in frustration and stormed off the bridge. The door closing behind him was like a slap in the face for her. How could he not understand why she had to do this? A small voice questioned whether she really knew why she was willing to do it herself.

"Energise." The captain ordered a few minutes later, and they beamed down onto the snowy surface of Exo III.

It was blizzarding and the cold hit her hard. Jim grabbed her hand and they ran towards the dark opening of the caves in front of them. She took a moment to catch her breath once they were inside and attempted to steady herself. She'd been here before once. She'd never liked caves since then. It was ironic really, seeing the number of caves she'd seen since joining the Enterprise.

"Do you know where you're going?" Jim asked her.

She turned at looked at the path before her. "The caves are lit down towards him – or at least they were last time. We'll have to be careful. They're treacherous. We lost three men last time."

Jim nodded. "Come on then. If anything happens, Christine, run back to the surface and get beamed up."

"We'll be ok." She replied, trying to force confidence into her nurse's voice.

Jim smiled at her. "I'm sure we will, but Bones will never forgive me if anything happens to you." She smiled back, wishing that were true, and he held out his hand. She took it and together they walked into the caves.

They passed the wall drawings she had seen in the picture, but she didn't dare pause. When they reached the open door she stopped and indicated into the room. Jim pulled her behind him, then gave her a grin. For a moment she wondered whether he was enjoying this, then he entered the room and she followed him.

Roger was drinking a cup of tea and smiled at them both. Galloway was sitting opposite him, untied and unharmed but looking unimpressed.

"Doctor Korby? You'll allow Galloway to leave now?"

"Yes of course. Ruk, if you would be so kind as to accompany the officer to the surface?"

Neither of them had noticed the being in the corner of the room. He was over seven feet tall, with high angled cheek-bones and deep set eyes. The being bowed at him and indicated to Galloway. The officer duly stood and followed the being out, glancing at Christine with an intrigued look on his face. She smiled at him, and he returned it. Then she turned back to Roger. He was unstable, and right now, as much as she hated him, she needed to get him to a place where he was safe.

"What is this about, Roger?" She asked sternly.

"You shall see." He smiled at her. "Brown, would you come here please." Another man entered the room – he was older with brown hair and a large smile. "Christine, this is Theodore Brown. He was on the crashed shuttle – lost both his legs to the cold I believe. As you can see, he is whole." She nodded and Brown bowed to her. "Touch him, Christine."

Brown stood before her and extended a hand. She glanced at the captain and he nodded and she took the man's hand. It was warm and real and she could feel a pulse under her fingertips. She felt surprised – deep down she'd never really believed that Roger could have been telling the truth. It would seem he had been in this at least. But in what else?

"You succeeded."

"Yes, Christine."

"But I recall you saying that this was only part of Utopia. What else have you developed?"

"I developed nothing, Christine. It was all here – the ancient ones had left me everything I needed."

"Tuk – is he one of these ancient ones?" Jim asked.

Roger nodded. "Yes – the last one. He was left to guard this technology, lest it fall into the wrong hands. He discovered us after a few days on the planet, and taught us much. It was Andrea that communicated with him mostly. When I left, she stayed to finish the work."

Christine was feeling out of her depth. "But she was with you – we took you both."

Roger smiled at her. "Andrea, come here please."

The woman entered – with the face she knew all too well. She was as beautiful as she remembered, brown hair falling over bare shoulders, dark eyes and a lovely face. She was scantily clad, two strips of material covering he chest but little else. She smiled at Christine innocently, and she finally understood what he'd done.

"You put her in a body." Disgust overwhelmed her. She had disliked Andrea for the obvious reasons, but this? He'd experimented on his own partner?

"Yes. She was the last one – and the most successful. The body that left with you was a simple copy – a collection of a few memories and instincts."

She shuddered. How had she not noticed? "But why?"

"To make her perfect. She had been reluctant, but how could she refuse a body like this?"

"But that's not her, Roger."

"It is me, Christine." The woman said simply.

She shook her head. "No it's not. You have her memories, but have no capacity learn and grow. You've lost everything that makes you Human. Can you even feel emotion?"

"She can feel simple ones. She is childlike, Christine. They all are. That's what makes them perfect."

"Perfect? And obedient?" Jim questioned.

Roger turned to him in surprise. "Why yes. Captain, I must apologise. I underestimated your intellect. You see, it is for this reason that I had to return. It is Utopia, you see. They are entirely obedient, and through this they are happy. But I needed you and Christine here to complete my work."

"I don't understand. How can it be Utopia if you take away freedom of thought?" She questioned.

Roger gave her a patient look. "Imagine Christine, how peaceful it would be to live a life where you were taken care of – where you don't have to make decisions for yourself."

"It may be peaceful, but it is not real life. How can you learn joy if you don't know pain? You're removing everything that makes us Human."

"Humans are flawed. We will never be able to control our emotions as the Vulcans do. Instead it is best that such emotions are removed all together. There will be no war, no sickness, nothing that makes us flawed."

She shook her head. She knew there would be no reasoning with him – he would not see it her way. He had had years to obsess over this. Her protests would be simple pebbles trying to hold a tide. "What do you want from us?"

"I've done what I can on this planet, but there is a galaxy of Humans out there that are missing out. I need your help to make us better. Captain Kirk, I am willing to grant you immortality. In exchange I wish to use your ship to transport my equipment off this planet."

"No." Jim shook his head. "You can keep your immortality. I'm not going to help you turn us into robots."

"Forgive me, but I fear you have misunderstood. You see, this isn't a request. Ruk!" The returning old one restrained Kirk with massive arms.

"No. Roger you can't do this." Her voice fell on deaf ears.

"You haven't told us what you want with Christine, Korby." Jim said calmly.

"It became apparent to me very early that to create Utopia, leaders would be required who'd keep the pure ideals alive. I am myself somewhat flawed, but Christine…" He stood in front of her and touched her cheek. "You've always been the best woman I know. I've tested you harder than anyone else and you have never failed."

"A test?" She whispered, as she felt her foundations fall away.

"Yes Christine. Did you really think I would leave you if I didn't have to? I've hurt you, I know. I regret it greatly. But don't you see now how it was necessary?" He'd put her through all that as a test? Did he still love her? She felt the anger build.

"This is ridiculous Roger. You've lost your mind. You know as well as I that you cannot force Utopia on people."

"Christine…"

She was backing towards the door. "No. Don't tell me this is for the best, because I fail to see how. You are making people mere shadows of Humans. I'll have no part in it."

Brown stood in her way at the door, preventing her escape. "You will come round, Christine. Our minds will be as one again." Roger looked at her sadly.

"You say you want her to lead this people." Jim said. "Surely then you should command the others to listen to her command like they listen to you. Or do you not trust her to make the right decision?" Jim glanced at her.

"Of course I do. All of you will listen to Christine as you listen to me."

"Yes." Andrea and Brown replied automatically. She shuddered.

"Ruk, take Kirk through and begin to set up the equipment. I will be through soon. Andrea, please find the others."

"Yes, Roger." They left and she stood alone facing him.

"Who are you?" She asked, forcing herself into calmness.

"It's me Christine."

"No it's not. The man I loved would never do any of this."

"I did it for you – for us. Don't you see Christine? How could a perfect love like ours have survived in an imperfect world?"

She swallowed hard. "Cite what reasons you wish, Roger, but don't make me one of them. If you knew me you would know that this isn't what I want. Our love was never perfect. If it was you would not have been able to discard it so readily."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't I?"

"No. Now come. I want you to see the process for yourself." He led her out through the tunnels and into a room with a large metal door. Jim was strapped to a round metal table. On the other side was a featureless humanoid shape the colour of living tissue. He raised his eyebrows at her. Clearly he was up to something. She wouldn't let them do this to him. He was the little boy she had looked after, had kissed his bleeding knee and put him to bed and held him when he had cried when his step-father had degraded him. Now he was the best captain she had ever served under. She had never allowed anything bad to happen to him. She would not now.

"Ruk. Why had you not initialised the equipment?"

"You misled me, Roger." The man's voice was deep and uncomfortable with their language. "This technology was never meant to leave this planet, you know that. I will not have another war. You will not carry this out." He reached for a gun at his side, but Roger was quicker, and incinerated him where he stood.

She covered her mouth with her hands to stop herself crying out. Roger shook his head sadly, muttering 'unfortunate' and began to start the equipment himself. The room began to glow red. She groped for an idea and her eyes met Jim's. He glanced downwards and she saw that Ruk's weapon had fallen to the floor unscathed. She picked it up carefully, unsure, and pointed it at Roger's back.

"Roger, please step away from the console." She ordered him.

The man turned and took in her phaser calmly. "You're not going to shoot me, Christine."

"I will if you don't stop this, Roger."

He shrugged and pressed a button and a countdown started. "Just let it happen, Christine. Why fight this? Your hands will be spotless. He will not be dead."

"He will in every way that matters. Now switch off the console."

"I will not. You're not going to shoot me."

"Please Roger. If you still feel anything at all for me you won't do this."

"Do not think that I don't care, Christine. One day you will understand."

She aimed at him and met his eyes. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't. Not to him. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Christine!" Jim shouted at her.

"Please Roger."

"No." Jim or Roger. She had to decide.

She shut her eyes and pulled the trigger. The shot was loud, and she opened his eyes to nothing but smoke and his gun on the floor where he had stood. The table was beginning to spin. She ran to the console and scanned the controls for some sort of shutdown. She recognised one symbol and hit it hard. The beeping stopped and the table slowed down as the red light came off. It was over. It was all over. She grabbed the console for support as she attempted to hold the pieces of herself together.

"Christine?" She said nothing. She couldn't.

"Captain? Nurse Chapel?" Spock's voice echoed down the passage.

"Down here Spock." Jim shouted.

"Are you all right?" He and two guards appeared at the door.

"I'd be better if you let me out of this thing."

She switched off to the rest of his words. She felt Jim's arm taking hers to guide her up to the surface, but had no memory of it, nor of the transport back onto the Enterprise.

"You need to get examined, Christine." Jim told her on the transporter pad. McCoy was already heading towards them but she couldn't look at him.

"I'm fine. I need to go to my quarters."

"Christine…"

"James. Please." She met his eyes, almost breaking.

He nodded. "All right. Off you go."

She made her way back to her quarters and sat down in the dark, wrapping her arms around her knees, trying to hold the pieces of herself together. She tried not to think or to feel. If she did she would break. She couldn't break.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there. She heard the buzzer and ignored it. It sounded again and again, but it wasn't until she heard his voice, attempting the emergency medical override that she pulled herself to her feet and opened the door.

"Doctor."

"Chapel – what the hell…" His eyes were wild. He seemed to have to physically restrain himself from shouting at her. "I need to check you over." He said in a painfully controlled voice.

"I'm fine." Her voice was wooden and hollow, but she attempted a smile.

"I'm sure you are – but I don't make protocol."

"Really doctor…"

"Chapel." He folded his arms and she sighed and let him in. He frowned at the darkened room. "Computer, lights."

She blinked and stood still as he scanned her. He frowned at the reading, but she knew it would say nothing. There was no physical damage to her. "If there's nothing else…" She murmured.

She felt his eyes on her face but didn't dare meet them. "Jim told me what you did." He commented.

"I'm fine." She repeated, walking to the door to let him out.

"Damn it. You're not fine." He took her arm roughly, turning her towards him, and tilted her face up to look at him. "Christine…" It was the gentleness in his eyes that caused something to break.

She sat down heavily, her knees giving way as years of emotion threatened to overwhelm her. She wrapped her arms around herself as the tears came freely. No more. She couldn't take any more. He sat down beside her and put an arm around her, turning her into him. She sobbed into his chest for what seemed like hours. She couldn't stop. How could she live with herself now? After what she had done? He stroked her hair but said nothing, waiting for her.

"I killed him." She finally admitted.

"It wasn't your fault Christine." He whispered to her. "You had no choice."

"There's always a choice." She cried, repeating his earlier words. "I killed him. The only man that ever loved me and I killed him." She knew it was true, even as she said it.

His arms tightened around her and he cupped her cheek, forcing her to meet his eyes again. "Listen to me, damn it. I know you. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't have to. Jim would have died otherwise."

"What does it matter? I'm alone. I always have been. I always will be."

"You're not alone, Christine. You're never alone." She saw something in his eyes, and for the first time she desperately wanted him to kiss her. She needed to feel something else – something other than the loss and loneliness that raged against her like a tidal wave. She needed him to take her to bed and make her forget. She needed him. Could he not see how much she needed him?

"Doctor." She whispered. He wiped a tear from her cheek, eyes intent on hers, and lent forwards so that they were almost touching. For a second she thought he'd give her what she wanted. Then he kissed her on the forehead and pulled away. She felt herself lose the one hope she had. He wouldn't give her even that. She really was alone.

She removed his arm from her and stood up shakily. "Sorry about that."

"Hell, don't apologise." He sounded pained.

"You should go."

"I can stay. If you want me to." It was too late. She wanted him more than anything, but it was too late. He was more than she deserved.

"I'm ok. I just need sleep. You have things to be doing."

He reluctantly moved towards the door. "If you're sure."

"Yes."

"Take tomorrow off, Chapel. You need some time…"

"Ok." There was no point arguing. She'd made up her mind anyway.

"You know where I am…" She nodded numbly. "Get some sleep."

"Goodbye." She whispered.

The door slid shut behind him and she moved quietly to her desk. She picked up a PADD with shaking hands. Then she began to write her resignation.


	20. Chapter 10 Roger McCoy

10. Roger – McCoy

_Here we go – sorry about the late update. Thank you for all the reviews they are really appreciated. For all of you waiting for the kiss – fear not it won't be too long (in fact it will be the chapter after next!). There are a few things that need to happen first. If any of you want a soundtrack number for this chapter, I perhaps suggest Look After You by The Fray. Thank you all for reading and please review!_

McCoy was watching Chapel balance precariously on a chair as she attempted to pin up decorations around his sickbay. Had he not been so distracted by the fact her dress was hitching up interestingly as she stretched he probably would have pointed out that she was violating several health and safety protocols right now. However, it wasn't until she wobbled slightly that he felt the need to speak as he attempted to bridle his raging emotions.

"This is damned ridiculous Chapel. This is a sickbay, not the mess."

She finished pinning her decoration and frowned down at him from her lofty height. "I don't know whether you've noticed, doctor, but we're part of a team. This is the sort of thing that a team does when a member of staff gets engaged. Now pass me up that silver heart."

Damn it. He couldn't resist her when she was in her tyrant mood. He rolled his eyes at his weakness as he passed it up to her. "Is there a particular reason why we couldn't have had this somewhere more sensible?"

"Because all the nurses wanted to be there, and we can't leave the sickbay unstaffed, can we?" She had a point.  
"And what are we going to do if we get a patient?"  
"You can see them in your office. I'm sure you'll appreciate the excuse to get away. Besides, Captain Kirk told me that we're still awaiting orders so the sickbay should be quiet."  
He snorted. Lack of orders never seemed to stop Jim getting them all into trouble. She should know that. "Did you just hear yourself speak, Chapel?"

"I also have his word as captain that he will not man an away-mission, look too closely at some strange object in space or to discover any new lifeforms for the next three hours." He almost smiled. Trust her to manage to get such a promise from the captain.

"And you trust him?"

She laughed and he gave her his hand before she broke her neck getting off the chair. "Not really, but I'm hoping the promise will at least make him think twice if something does pop up." She looked around the room, smiling gently at the decorations. Damn, he loved that smile. It made him want to take her into his arms and touch it. He should probably go back to his office until he could get control of his feelings properly.

"Don't even think about it." Chapel gave him a warning look. "I expect you to be here the whole time. You're her CMO – I won't have you insulting Temple by leaving half way through." Good grief. How had she known?

He scowled at her. "It's hardly like any of them want me here."

"Nonsense. I've told everyone that this is all your idea." What the hell? She'd done what? "No – don't shout at me. You need all the brownie points you can get after accusing Nurse Ogiri of being pregnant yesterday."

Oh hell. She would remind him of that fiasco. "She was vomiting in the morning and kept bursting into tears. I'm her CMO. I have a right to ask." He defended. What was he meant to think when she had all the signs?

She sighed and gave him a long-suffering look. "That may be so, but if you need to ask, you do so in private. You don't shout at her across the sickbay. It took me the whole day to quash the rumours and to stop her crying." He hadn't thought of that. Damn it, he hadn't wanted to add to her workload. And he really hadn't meant to make Ogiri cry.

"Well why _was_ she always crying?" He was feeling bad.

"She just found out that her boyfriend was seeing someone else behind her back."

"Her boyfriend? Isn't he the one from the science team?"

She gave him a surprised look. "Yes." He felt slightly wounded at that. Clearly she thought he took no notice of anything that happened in the sickbay. Well he did – at least enough to notice when one of the nurses was doing something stupid.  
"I never liked him."

Christine laughed softly. "You never like anyone." Well that wasn't true. He liked her. And Jim. And Uhura and Sulu. Usually. She was checking her PADD with a thoughtful look. "Did you look over the reports I left on your desk?"

"What exactly do you think I've been doing all day, Chapel?"  
She raised her eyebrows. "I have no idea. Your door was shut. Is that a yes?"

"Obviously."  
"Good." She ticked it off with a look of satisfaction that made him smile. He'd grown used to her lists over the months, but there was still something rather comical about the way that she stuck to them religiously.

"Have you actually ever managed to live through a day where you haven't written a list?" He asked her, peering down at the agenda. "Hell, does that actually say 'warn Doctor McCoy to be on best behaviour'?"  
"Yes it does." She replied matter-of-factly, only a slight blush belying any embarrassment.

"Good grief woman."

"Nurse Chapel, where do you want me to put the drinks?" Nurse Kier interrupted. Typical. Just when he thought he'd found something that made Chapel blush.

"The table on the far right, please. Why don't you ask Doctor Zuvolt to help you?"

"Yes nurse."

Chapel was watching the doctor and nurse with a slight smile that confused him for a moment until he looked at the pair himself. Well, well, well. Kier and Zuvolt? Clearly it would be if Chapel had anything to do with it. Fascinating.

"What are you up to, Chapel?"

"I don't know what you mean." She was certainly blushing this time.

"Of course you don't." Just when he thought she couldn't surprise him anymore.

She frowned at him. "Why don't you go and do something useful."  
"I thought the whole point of this was that I don't get to do anything useful tonight?"

"That's a matter of perspective, doctor." Of course, she would justify such an event as team building, or some such nonsense. She checked the time and went back into her head nurse mode. "Five minutes everyone." She called. "Nurse Campbell, go and act as lookout please."  
"Yes Nurse Chapel."

She was obsessively checking that list of hers again. He wondered what else she'd written on it and whether there was anything else to do with him. He glanced at the door. He didn't want to be here. The last time he'd been at an engagement party it had been his own, and that had hardly ended well. If it had been anyone else he would have locked himself in his office by now. But he supposed he owed Chapel for clearing up his mess yesterday. Damn it.

"She's coming." Campbell rushed back in, looking more excited than a puppy. Good grief. He was too old for this.

"Remember, best behaviour." Chapel murmured and he frowned at her. He was here, wasn't he?

Temple entered and took in the decorations and their faces and then burst into tears. Doctor Zuvolt handed her a glass and the other nurses hugged her. It was embarrassingly happy.  
"Good grief." He muttered. Chapel ignored him and went to hug and congratulate Temple. She seemed sincere. He wondered if she'd ever had an engagement party of her own. Clearly she'd had no wedding. He'd never really learnt what had happened when she found her missing lover, but obviously things had ended – and it had left her damaged. Jim had told him that she hadn't dated in more than four years – and there would be no way she wouldn't have had offers, as beautiful as she was. People didn't act like that unless they were too scared to enter a relationship again. He should know.

He switched off to the boring conversation and watched her. She seemed happy – but looks could be deceptive. He had been worried that her abduction last shore leave would have left some lasting impression, but he could see no evidence of it. That worried him slightly. Such events would affect anyone. If she was suppressing it, it would come back to bite her. He'd been tempted to talk to her about it several time, but he knew she'd never listen to him. She would insist that she was all right, as she always did. He wondered what it would take to make her trust him with her feelings.

Zuvolt began to sing and he began to pray that Jim would call him to the bridge. If he hadn't had Chapel to watch, the light shining in her hair, and her face shining with her own personal goodness, he probably would have slit his wrists. It was one of the few times he was grateful for his obsession with her. It made such events bearable.

"Doctor McCoy." Temple was looking at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to say. Thank you for this."

He cleared his throat. "Nurse Chapel arranged it all…"

"But it was your idea. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He said slowly, glancing at Chapel. She was watching them with a smile.

"I know we haven't always got along, but I just wanted to let you know that we're all grateful that you're our CMO." Was that so? He doubted it.

"Well I'm glad we have an efficient team now. Congratulations on your engagement. I hope that you'll be happy."

"Thank you." She hugged him around the middle. Good grief. He wasn't used to tearful women hugging him. Chapel was different of course – she was never tearful. He patted her back awkwardly and almost sighed in relief when she released him and wandered off.  
He met Chapel's eyes. She was looking at him with such softness that he wanted to walk over and kiss her right there. He pushed it down angrily. He needed to get control of himself.

"I don't know what you're smiling at, Chapel." He scowled.

"Why, for a moment you looked positively fatherly, doctor." There was laughter in her voice. He rolled his eyes. Clearly she had noticed how uncomfortable he'd been.

"Don't take that condescending tone of voice with me, Chapel."

"Don't pretend that you haven't enjoyed being on the good side of the nurses for once."  
"You're damned insufferable tonight." How could she be so perceptive about some things and yet not see how he felt about her? He supposed he should count his blessings for that one.

"Well I think you did very well."  
"Don't patronise me."  
"Take a compliment."Damn it, he hated that she felt the need to praise him when he acted like a normal human being. Why did she always have such low expectations of him? He felt the anger and frustration build, but she smiled at him, and patted his arm. The combination of touch and her smile was enough to distract him from his train of thought sufficiently. He wondered if she knew what effect she had on him.

"You seemed to enjoy yourself at least." He looked away and studied the other nurses to distract himself.

"I like to see everyone happy. The sickbay feels good – there's a unity here. We're like a family now."

He nodded. That was true. Even he couldn't fail to notice the harmony that now resided in the sickbay. The nurses were content and a good team, and took his occasional bad moods with better grace than they had in the past. They viewed Chapel like a mother, and she looked after them as such. Zuvolt had come into his own under Christine too – she gently encouraged him with his psychiatry and he had had the confidence recently to consult him over a few of his patients. She had also asked Doctor Seams to train some of the nurses on basic procedures, and the elderly doctor apparently had come to relish the role. They really were like a family – and it was mostly down to her. He wondered how she always knew what people needed. It was what made her a great nurse, and it would make her a great doctor. The only one who seemed to miss out with Chapel herself.

"So you like working here then?"

"Of course."

"Good." He didn't want her to be unhappy here. He didn't know how the sickbay would function without her. He didn't know how he would.

The comm. beeped and he sighed. Well it was only a matter of time before that happened. He wondered what mess Jim had got them into now.

"McCoy here."

"Bones, would you join me in my ready room? And bring Chapel."

Chapel? He glanced at her, but she looked as confused as he felt. "We're on our way."

She was picking up her medical kit looking worried. He understood that – Jim had never requested her presence before. She followed him out of the sickbay and into the turbolift. He noticed that she was clutching her pack so tightly her knuckles were white, and her mouth was making that shape it did when she was nervous. If Jim was making her worry over nothing he would be severely annoyed.

"I'm sure it's nothing, Chapel. He's probably got new orders, that's all." She smiled gently at his attempt at reassurance but made no reply. He knew she would be thinking the same thing as he was – Jim usually left it to him to tell her of their new orders. If he wanted to see her this must be directly related to her. Or them.

He walked in and scowled at the grin Jim gave them. Spock was there too, sitting in the Vulcan way. A slight stiffness suggested to him that he was feeling concerned. What was going on that had even Spock uptight?

"Have a seat, Christine." Jim asked, indicating to the chair across from his desk. The chair he used when he was in captain mode and needed to talk about something serious. Oh hell. "You too, Bones."

"I'm fine. What's this about?"

Jim frowned at him in warning. Clearly he wanted to do this his way, and he was interrupting. Well tough. If he'd wanted to, he could have seen her alone. "We've received new orders, but since they affect Nurse Chapel directly, I thought I ought to see you both."

"They affect me, sir?" Her voice was calm but confused.

"Yes, Christine. We've been asked to transport Doctor Roger Korby from Earth to Exo III. I'm told you are acquainted."

Doctor Korby? Doctor _Roger_ Korby? She was acquainted with the most notorious and brilliant scientist in the galaxy? How? When? He glanced at her and noticed that she had paled. Damn it, what the hell was going on?

"Why is he returning to Exo III?" There was a slight tightness in her voice – he knew her well enough to know she was distressed.

"The doctor has insisted that there is a particular part of research that he can only complete by revisiting the planet." Spock told her calmly.

Chapel nodded but said nothing. "The research is supposed to be ground-breaking." Jim added. McCoy knew what he was doing. He was building her up. He was about to ask something big from her. "The point is, Christine, that he's requested your help in completing it. He asked for the Enterprise - and you - specifically." He stared at the man. He had to be joking. Why the hell would a man like that want the help of a woman like Chapel? He didn't have the right to be breathing the same air as her.

"I'm sure he has other assistants who could help him better than me." She said. He could hear bitterness in her voice. Alarm bells began to sound in his mind, but he couldn't quite grasp the concept hiding at the back of it.  
"Apparently not. I've already offered the services of the entire science department, but he is insistent on only you."

"The man's a murdering psychopath, Jim. Since when does he get the chance to insist on anything?" How the hell was this able to happen? Surely Starfleet recognised what the man was? He had known that the Federation were half-blinded by Korby's damned name – certainly enough not to give him the sentence he deserved – but not Starfleet, surely? He felt his anger grow.

"He's not a psychopath." Chapel argued quietly. She was defending him? He couldn't miss the look that Spock and Jim gave one another. Clearly they had expected that. Damn it, what did they know that he didn't?

"Nurse Chapel, I understand that you gave evidence at his hearing. Is that correct?" Spock questioned.

"Yes Commander." Wait, what?  
"And you were part of the team from the _Yamato_ that discovered him on Exo III after he went missing?"  
"Yes Commander." Damn it.  
"You were his research assistant before he did so?"  
"Yes Commander." Good grief. Why the hell hadn't she told him? How was he the last one to find out? Not that he blamed her for keeping that part of her life quiet.  
"You worked together on several projects?"  
He could tell by the way she was stiffening that she was growing more upset. No wonder. "Hell, Spock, why the inquisition?"

"I am merely attempting to establish why Doctor Korby would request the assistance of Nurse Chapel when she gave evidence that led to his prosecution." He frowned. The Vulcan had a point. But then there was no making sense of a man who killed twelve people without the slightest remorse. He'd read his psychiatric report. The majority of doctors on Starfleet had. It was a warning to them all of the price of brilliance.

"Perhaps it would be easier if you told us the exact nature of your relationship with Doctor Korby?" Jim suggested.

As soon as he saw her hesitate he knew. The idea that had been lurking at the back of his mind jumped out like a raging bull. How the hell had he not realised? It all made sense – everything he knew about her past slotted into place. He still couldn't stop the sharp inhalation as she uttered the words. "I was engaged to him, before he went missing." Good grief. Christine Chapel had joined Starfleet to find Roger Korby. She had been in love with him. And she had found him – and the bodies - whilst serving on the _Yamato_. If he hadn't been so scared that she was still in love with him, he probably would have shouted at her for not telling him the truth.

"You were engaged?" Jim was having a hard time believing it. He knew he was wondering what someone as young and beautiful as Chapel had seen in an older man like Korby. He was wondering the same thing.

"Yes, captain."  
"Your previous relationship may explain why Doctor Korby would prefer your assistance." Spock pointed out the obvious. "He has been extremely secretive about the details of his research. If you were emotionally involved he is more likely to trust you with sensitive information."  
"He was never emotionally involved, Commander Spock." Her voice was blank and that perplexed him. What did that mean? Had he not loved her after all? Had he hurt her? Damn it, of course he had hurt her. No wonder she stayed away from men. She deserved far better than a man like him. "However, he felt I was one of his most able students. And Roger was - is - particularly discriminating over those he works with."  
The Vulcan nodded. "I have heard that he will not work with people that he has not tested first. His methods are quite fascinating."  
"It is true." He sounded like an imbecile.

"Listen Christine, I hate to ask you to do this, but the Federation are putting an awful lot of pressure on us to make sure he completes his project and if you say no I fear that they'll contact you directly, or try to force my hand to make you work together." He couldn't be serious? He was still going to ask this of her, despite what he'd just found out? Did her feelings mean nothing to him? Did he not see what this would do to her?

"I understand."

"He'll have a security team with him at all times. You'll never be alone together - not even for a moment."

Hell, was he the only sane person in here? "This is damned ridiculous. You can't seriously expect Chapel to work with a mass murderer, especially one that she's had a past relationship with. It doesn't matter how important the project is."  
"It's all right, doctor." She said calmly.

"Hell, it's not all right." He was not going to allow her to go along with this madness. He was not going to see her get hurt. "She's not part of a science team - she's a nurse. I can't be doing without my head nurse. Surely Starfleet understand that."  
Spock nodded. "You are correct doctor. However because of her past expertise Nurse Chapel is co-signed into both the science and medical departments. Consequently Starfleet could argue that such work is under her remit."  
Nonsense – he would have never hired someone who had co-signed. He opened his mouth to argue, but Chapel interrupted him.

"Commander Spock is correct. I am co-signed and therefore must be available on request to the science department." He stared at her.

"How the hell did I not know that?"

"It was on her resume, Bones." Like hell it was. Jim must have edited the resume he gave him to make sure he didn't protest the assignment. Damn it. "So Christine?"  
"I will do it." Her voice was calm and sure. Damn, damn, damn. How could she be willing to work with a man like that? What was she trying to prove? Didn't she understand that a man like him would never show remorse for hurting her or anyone else?

"Thank you Christine. You'll only have to be with him for the duration of his research - after that we'll keep him in his quarters. He'll beam onto the ship at 0900 tomorrow - if you could meet him and his security that would be helpful."

"We will make laboratory nine available for your use."

She nodded and stood up. Jim stood up with her. He was looking worried. He should be.

"Dismissed Nurse Chapel." She smiled gently, and left without sparing him a glance. The fear he was feeling intensified.

They stood in silence as the door slid shut. Then Jim sat down heavily. "Well I never saw that one coming. Christine and Roger Korby. _The_ Roger Korby. The Father of Archaeological Medicine. You remember his work is required reading at the Academy? He must have been, what, thirty years older than her?"

He didn't give a damn what the man was. "Jim, you can't let this happen."

The captain sighed. "She agreed, Bones."

"Of course she did – you're her captain. She's hardly going to say no."

"It will be all right. It was a long time ago after all."

"She was _engaged_ to the man. Hell, I know you don't know what it's like to have a mature emotional relationship, but let me assure you, she's not going to take it well." Jim frowned at him.

"Nurse Chapel did not seem to be particularly distressed by the request." Spock said.

"She hides her emotions deep. Didn't you warn me about that?"

"Yes I did." Spock nodded.

"And you've seen some of what she feels, have you not?"

Spock nodded. "The doctor makes a point, Captain." Hell, of course he did. "Nurse Chapel feels deeply. It may well be that she is still emotionally connected to Doctor Korby. It is possible that he will exploit this to his own ends."

"And what the hell are his own ends?"

Jim shook his head. "I don't know, but there's a reason why he's being so secretive, and Starfleet are keeping tight-lipped about the whole thing. Christine may be the only one who can find out so we can do something about it."

"So you're using her?" He asked angrily.

"Don't be like that Bones. I'm simply following orders. You know I care about her."

"Like hell you do. If you did, you wouldn't make her do this."

The captain sighed. "I'll record your official protest, but we have little choice. I wasn't lying when I said that Starfleet will push my hand irrelevant."

"Then push back."

"I can't without more information."

"Hell, let's just lock him up and extract the information from him." His morals were sketchy when it came to men like him.

"Perhaps we should be more concerned about the reason why Doctor Korby has sought out Nurse Chapel." The Vulcan interceded. "Perhaps he will attempt escape."

McCoy couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What, you think she'll help him? Don't be ridiculous, man."

The Vulcan shrugged. "Human emotions are without logic and are therefore unpredictable. I am merely pointing out a possible motive."

"She wouldn't do that." Jim agreed.

"Even so, we should watch her closely."

"I agree, but for her own protection. I don't think she'd betray us, but you're right – we don't know why he wants her and I don't want anything happening. I'm happy to keep an eye on her." Jim grinned bitingly at him.

He scowled. "Like hell you will. I know what your looking after involves." He would never forgive him if he ended up in her bed.

"Well then perhaps you should do it." Jim suggested idly.

"Fine." He knew what his friend was doing – he'd been doing it ever since he'd found out he was in love with her. However, right now he didn't care. "But I'm not happy about this. You'd better log my protest, because I swear, if this ends badly, I'm holding you responsible."

"Nothing is going to happen, Bones. Stop being so pessimistic." McCoy shook his head. He really did have no idea. Neither of them did. They didn't know what it was like to be betrayed by someone that you loved. They didn't know how it tore you apart inside. And she had been through so much else.

"Hell, I need a drink."

Jim grinned. "Me too. Let's go back to my quarters. You coming, Spock?"

"No. I have other plans."

The captain sniggered. "I'm sure you do. Say hi to Uhura."

"I will pass on your regards. Goodnight."

McCoy nodded to him and Jim grinned after he had left. "Stop looking so depressed Bones. Let me cheer you up by telling you about the lovely Ensign Faraday."

"Hell, don't bother."

"Oh I'm sorry. I've forgotten you've only got eyes for one woman."

"I just don't want to have to hear how you've been taking advantage of the ensigns again." He retorted.

"I don't take advantage of anyone. I can't help it that woman find me irresistible."

"If you say so."

"You know, if you listened to me, I'm sure Chapel would be throwing herself at you."

He didn't want her to throw herself at him. "Damn, you haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"

"I've heard the words Bones, but then I see you look at her and wonder why you're torturing yourself." He scowled. He had to remind himself the reasons why regularly too, especially after events like tonight. "Come on. Let's get a drink."

He nodded and followed his friend to his quarters.

He couldn't sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about her. It certainly wasn't the first time that thoughts of her had kept him awake at night. However this was different. He felt the tension coarse through him and there was the tightness in his chest he often got when he was worried. Was she still in love with Korby? The idea scared him. It wasn't strictly jealousy – though that was definitely a part of it – but also the fact that she could care for such a man. It didn't match with the woman he knew. But when all was said and done, he really didn't know anything about her at all. He hadn't even known she was co-signed, let alone that she had been engaged to Korby. What else didn't he know? He'd been so occupied trying not to show too much interest and trying to dismantle his obsession with her that he didn't even know her well enough to call her a friend. What did she like to do in her spare time? What did she read? What was her favourite colour? He knew nothing of the basics – the things he had found out about his wife within a few hours of meeting her. The things he knew about her were smaller – little things he'd noticed as they work together. The way she always stirred her tea three times – twice anti-clockwise and once clockwise, her need to check her list at least once an hour, the way she would look at him with a certain expression when she thought he was being rude but couldn't say. The way she met his eyes sometimes when she knew they were having the same thought. The way she always did the right thing. The way she felt in his arms. Did it really matter that she had been engaged to Korby? The way he felt about her wasn't going to change. He was simply upset that she hadn't trusted him enough to tell him – and that he had never asked. And he hated the idea she was alone and hurting and he was here, in his quarters, knowing that even if he went to her she might not even speak to him. He'd spent so long trying to keep his distance that now, when it mattered, she wouldn't trust him. Damn it.

He got up and returned to his office, frowning at the pile of PADDs that met him. He began to finish an incident report from a recent away mission but quickly became distracted. What was he going to do without Chapel in sickbay? Since she had begun she was always there, sitting at her desk working through her own paperwork, or examining patients, or sitting opposite him in his office. Even when she wasn't working her presence resounded around the sickbay – the neat arrangements of the supplies, the way that the beds were made perfectly, the way she had stuck notes on his PADDs and a list of things to do on his desk. Deep down he had that terror that without her everything would fall apart as soon as she turned her back.

He looked down and realised he had been sitting for two hours and had done nothing. This was ridiculous. He heard her voice outside – she must be explaining to the nurses what was going on and leaving orders. Of course – she wouldn't go without leaving something in place. She was, after all, the most fanatically organised person he had ever met. It was part of why he liked her. He listened to her voice and wondered what she was feeling. He unfortunately had some idea. It would be similar to the feeling he'd had when he'd faced his wife in divorce settlements – that mixture of sickness and ache and hope that maybe she would come to her senses and not take his daughter. Of course, his wife hadn't killed anyone, and he hadn't been forced to work with her for several days. He simply had to watch her draped over some man that was not him.

He got to his feet and straightened his uniform. He wasn't going let her go through this alone. Jim had told him to keep an eye on her and he would do just that. And if she wanted him, he would be there to listen. Even if she told him that she was still in love with Korby. Hell, he hoped she wasn't still in love with him. It made his heart ache.

"Nurse Chapel just left, Doctor." Temple told him as he came out.

He nodded. "Did she leave you in charge?"

"Yes sir." She sounded terrified. He almost sighed.

"Fine. I'll be back shortly. Try not to let anything disastrous happen."

The woman swallowed and nodded. He missed Chapel already.

He walked to the transporter room, and entered, nodding at Chekov and Galloway. She was staring blankly at the transporter pad, looking pale, exhausted, and slightly green-tinged.

"If you're going to vomit, I suggest you do it now, Chapel." He murmured. She jumped at his voice. Clearly she hadn't noticed him come in. He wasn't surprised by her preoccupation. However, he was slightly hurt by the fact that she hadn't expected his presence. Did she really think he would leave her alone?

"What are you doing here?" He'd never heard her stammer before. Apparently she didn't know why he'd come. Was she upset he was here? Well, he wasn't going to add to her worries by telling her the real reason.

"I wanted to get an idea of the psychological state of Korby." He invented quickly.

She nodded as if this was sensible. Hell, it probably was – he would have to fill out a prisoner health form at some point. "As I said yesterday, he's perfectly sane, doctor." She told him.

"I'll draw my own conclusion, thank you." There was no way that man was perfectly sane. He might not be a psychopath, but no man willingly stranded himself on an ice planet without a shred of madness. He wondered why Chapel was clinging to the idea that he was sane. Why did she need him to be? She was glancing at the transporter pads again. Her face was growing paler. Hell, he hoped she wasn't going to faint. Why was she putting herself through this? "You know, you still don't have to do this." He murmured quietly. If she said the word he would lead her out of this room and remove her on medical grounds if he had to.

"I do." Her voice was quiet but firm. Damn her stubbornness. Why was she trying to hurt herself?

"You have nothing to prove Chapel."

She smiled at him and he didn't miss the bitterness. Was he right? "We both know that the Federation will bend over backwards to accommodate him, Doctor. I couldn't say no irrelevant. It would have just made this situation longer and more painful."

Only she could make something so damaging sound so damned logical. "You're a fool."It came out harsher than he intended because he was frustrated. She was determined to punish herself. The question was why?

"I know." She replied quietly, smiling wanly. "I'm glad you're here to remind me." She sounded sincere and he felt bad and resisted an urge to touch her cheek. She was anything but a fool. He knew better than anyone that she would have her reasons for needing to do this. He just really didn't want to see her hurt.

"If anything happens Chapel... If he says anything or even looks at you the wrong way..."

She gave him a look. He knew he was being overprotective. "They'll be a security team, Doctor McCoy."

That provided him little comfort. It wasn't the physical he was worried about – or what she needed protecting from. She could take care of herself in that department. It was the emotional damage he was scared of. A person could only take so much. He needed her to know he was there for her. He needed her to know that he cared. "Even so... You know where I am. If you need me I'll be there." He didn't dare look at her reaction, feeling exposed. Still, he felt better for actually saying it.

"Enterprise this is Officer Myers. We are ready to transport." Just in time, it would seem.

"Officer this is Enterprise." Chekov replied. "We're locked onto you and ready to transport on your signal."  
"Energise."  
The light on the transporter pad blinked on and two forms materialised in front of them. He barely spared them glance – Chapel's face was rapidly going through emotions, but seemed to settle on outright panic. He placed a hand on her back to steady her and felt her tension thrum beneath his fingers. He must be some man, to bring out so much emotion from her. She swallowed, settled her face into the professional mask he was familiar with and stepped forwards.

"Officer Myers, Doctor Korby, welcome to the Enterprise. If you would be so kind as to submit yourself to a search by our security team." He was impressed her voice didn't shake, having felt her tension.

The security team stepped forwards and searched the pair with a reassuring aggression. Korby was not what he had expected. His hair was grey – but probably once had been blonde, and he was tall, with bright blue eyes. He was no judge of male beauty, but he didn't seem particularly extraordinary. There was something about him that set his teeth on edge – the way he didn't quite look at a person but past them, that patronising smile on his face. This was what Chapel had fallen in love with?

"Well, I can tell by the thoroughness of the security staff that this must be an excellent ship. Thank you." Good grief, he was thanking them for searching him? Did he even realise he was a prisoner – and why? "You must be the man who transported us." He smiled at Chekov.

"Yes sir."  
"Excellent job." Well, he'd always suspected that Chapel would like a man who was apparently polite and well-mannered. He certainly ticked those boxes in a pompous sort of way. "And who might you be?" His eyes were studying him and he felt his irritation rise. Who was he to walk onto his ship and question who he was?

"This is Doctor McCoy. He's our chief medical officer here on the Enterprise." Chapel answered quickly.

"McCoy... McCoy..." Hell, don't say he knew who he was. "Ah yes, I recall. You wrote several papers on neuroregeneration did you not? Fascinating, if I may say. And now you are CMO of this ship. Remarkable how things turn out."

How things turn out? What the hell did that mean? "How so?" He asked pointedly.

"Why, that your head nurse has direct experience of the disease that you were working to prevent." What the hell? Was he implying that he could have prevented her mother's death had he kept on researching? Of course he couldn't, damn it. Did Chapel believe that? Did she judge him for not carrying the work on? She'd certainly spoken to him about the future of the work. He felt her hand on his arm and swallowed his fury with considerable effort.

"We have a laboratory prepared, doctor. If you would like to follow officer Galloway."

Korby smiled at her. He noticed that she was the only person who he seemed to really focus on. "Excellent Christine. Excellent." Damn it – he still called her by her first name too. This was bad.

He grabbed her arm as they filed out. "Chapel..." He had more reservations about this than he could possibly express – but she was looking just as concerned and he couldn't finish.

"Don't worry." She gave him a small smile, then squeezed his hand. She was always the one trying to make him feel better, when it should have been the other way round. He'd fallen in love with her for that, but right now it concerned him. She was a good person – the best he knew. Korby could manipulate her using that. For the first time he prayed that some of his anger had rubbed off on her and that she would give him hell.

The day progressed slowly. He saw two patients with various occupational wounds, but it was barely enough to keep him busy and stop him thinking. Temple was easily startled and panicked. He could feel her watching him warily from the other side of the sickbay most of the day, ready to jump at his command. It wore his patience thin. He wished she would just get on with something of her own. Chapel had never had a problem. By the end of his shift he was ready to shut the door and hide in his office.

He poured himself a drink and stared into it. She would usually be there now – sitting opposite him with a cup of tea, reading a report with a look of deep thought on her face, the light shining in her hair. It was his favourite time to watch her because he'd come to learn that reading completely absorbed her and she was therefore unlikely to catch him. It was one of the rare times where he could look at her properly instead of professionally – the way he wanted to most of the time. Then, when she was coming to the end of what she was reading, he would busy himself with his own task and she would never know. He always called her nurse, she always called him doctor – but at least to him they were so much more than that.

He pushed his glass away. He didn't want to drink alone tonight. He noticed a pile of reports on the corner of his desk. She was meant to have looked over them – before she had received this insane order. He wondered how she was getting on dealing with Korby. Maybe he should go and check on her. On Korby too. He could take the reports in case she wondered why he was there. Jim had ordered him to, after all. He was out of the door and heading towards the lab before he realised that he'd made the decision.

"Damn it." The lab was locked. It was the first time he'd ever known her to finish on time. Things must have been difficult. He paused, unsure of what to do next. Did he dare check on her in her quarters? He wasn't the sort of man to invite himself around to a woman's quarters. But what if she wasn't all right? Hadn't he told her he'd be there for her? Then again, she might not want him there. Oh hell. The indecision was almost overwhelming, but his mind decided to make a compromise. He knew that he would get no sleep at all if he hadn't checked on her – so he would give himself fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes in her quarters. Even he couldn't do anything bad in fifteen minutes, and if she didn't want him she wouldn't have to put up with him for long.

It took him longer to get to her quarters, partly because he wasn't sure where they were, and partly because he felt nervous. But that was ridiculous of course. It certainly wasn't the first time he'd made house calls – and this was just that. Unfortunately his stomach seemed to think that this was something else entirely. Good grief. This was not the time for his emotions to get in the way of his common sense.

He pressed the buzzer and waited for her to answer, hands clasped behind his back to stop them shaking. The door slid open and there she was – her hair loose around her shoulders and dressed in what he assumed was what she wore to bed. Oh hell. It would seem his imagination was better than he had thought.

"Doctor?" She looked surprised. Was she waiting for someone else? Or did she usually answer her door in her bed clothes?

"Chapel." He cleared his throat and attempted to pull himself together. This was his head nurse. Damn it man. "I wanted to bring you the finished reports."

"I see." She was frowning at him and he wondered if she'd noticed the effect she was having on him. "Do you have them?"

He was about to answer that of course he did, but then realised his hands were empty. "Damn it." How the hell had he not picked them up?

She was smiling at him in gentle amusement. "Why are you really here?" Well, at least she hadn't shut the door in his face.

He supposed he should come clean. She was watching him patiently, and his annoyance gave way to embarrassment. Good grief this was awkward. "Jim asked me to keep an eye on you. He would have done it himself, but I think we both know what his looking after actually involves." He decided not to mention the part where he'd actually wanted to see her.

"That we do." She nodded, as if it was reasonable for the captain to order someone to watch her. Then again, she probably knew Jim as well as he did – and certainly what his 'looking after' involved. There would be no way if she'd answered the door dressed as she was that Jim would manage to keep his hands off her. He was having a hard enough time himself. "Come in."

Fifteen minutes, he reminded himself, and followed her into her quarters. They were not as he had expected. They were certainly neat – there was no surprise there – but they were empty. Most people's quarters he'd been in contained pictures and trinkets and other bits and pieces they'd collected over time. Even he had a picture by his bed. However, she had nothing of the sort – no picture in sight. No sign of her past. Interesting.

"Have a seat." She ordered him, and he sat down obediently on her sofa. "Two orange juices." She told the replicator.

"Orange juice, Chapel?" He asked, trying not to smile. His mother had always brought him a glass of orange juice after he'd been arguing with his father. She'd often said that something of that colour was bound to cheer him up. However, usually he required something slightly stronger these days.

"You drink far too much doctor." She replied matter-of-factly, taking the other end of the sofa and curling her legs under her distractingly. He attempted not to stare.

"The hell I do. I usually need it. The sickbay is a shambles." He was exaggerating, but she usually found it amusing to argue about it with him.

"No it isn't." He thought she would continue the banter, but she sighed. "And don't pretend that your day could have been any worse than mine." He looked her over, noticing the bags under her eyes, the strain in her face, the way she had crossed her arms tightly around her knees. He wished he could reach over and take her in his arms and soothe the tension and that pain. But he couldn't. He could just get her to talk about it.

"How's the research going?"

"Fine, although I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be researching. Roger hasn't been kind enough to let me into his confidence." She sounded frustrated.

"I thought the reason he wanted you was because he could?"

"So Commander Spock says. I imagine this is some sort of test. He'll try and make me work out the answer myself."

Good grief. What was the point in that? "Why?"

"Because he likes to try and improve the people around him." Hell, he was one of those. He'd been wondering what Spock had been talking about.

"You don't need improving Chapel." He told her honestly. Only a man like Korby would make her feel like she did.

"I always need improving." She replied steadily. "However, the last time I spoke to him I thought he considered me a lost cause, so it's intriguing that he's willing to give me another chance." Her voice was blank but he could see the pain in her eyes. He'd told her she was a lost cause? How could someone do that to her? He found himself growing angry.

"He sounds like an idiot. If I was being forced to work with him I would demand he tell me what the hell he was up to."

She shrugged. "It wouldn't work. He would think such demands were juvenile and ignore them."

"He sounds like a damn Vulcan." He sipped the juice and made a face. He'd never liked it. He usually only drank it for his mother's sake.

"No, he's nothing like a Vulcan." She argued patiently. "He's passionate and emotional over the things that are important to him. Mostly his research." Not her then? How could she have loved a man who didn't love her back with a passion? Was this what she thought a real relationship was like? Hell, it was no relationship at all.

"You know, Chapel, I really don't understand how you were attracted to him." The man didn't fit with the woman he knew at all.

She sighed and her eyes reflected hurt. "I was young and naïve and alone and he offered me a home and a life doing something I loved." He understood that. He knew what it was to be alone and wandering without knowing what to do next. It was how he'd ended up in Starfleet. She would have needed someone to guide her – a father figure, and Korby would have filled that role nicely. The question was how the hell had a man that much older than her turned into a lover.

"Surely the age difference though…"

"He was kind and patient with me and was always a gentleman. I never had the dreams other girls have of passionate love affairs. I just wanted someone who wanted me for me, and who would stay constant." She had such low expectations. She needed someone who would give her more than that. She didn't know what she was missing out on. "Unfortunately with Roger I failed on both those counts."

What the hell? "He wasn't constant?" He watched her carefully. He'd cheated on her? With who? Then he remember the story – the report had said that they'd found a woman with him. She'd been virtually catatonic after they'd found her. He'd read that she'd only spoken five words since they'd left the planet. He'd been cheating with her? "Hell – the woman they found him with…?"

"She was one of his research assistants. I don't know how long he'd been having an affair for – but since they ran away together I'm guessing it was quite some time."

"Hell Chapel." He'd never realised she'd been through all that too. How had she coped? She'd given up her life to find him, only to realise that he hadn't wanted to be found, or to be with her. Good grief, could that man have hurt her any more than he did? No wonder she didn't trust anyone with her feelings. No wonder she looked so ill when his name came up. He suddenly admired her for the bravery she'd shown facing him today. He wouldn't have been able to have done it.

"I don't begrudge him for it really. He really loved her in a way he never cared for me." She wasn't serious? Did she really think so little of herself?

"And that makes it ok?"

"No, but it makes it understandable. I can settle for understandable. He was brilliant but struggled with linguistics. She was a beautiful, brilliant linguist – she complimented him in a way I never could. No matter what I did, _I_ could never be good enough for him. For a while I thought no one could be. I was glad I was wrong." Hell – she was accepting it because she thought she wasn't good enough? Where had she got that crazy idea from? She was far better than a man like him deserved. Hell, she was better than most men in the galaxy deserved, him included.

"Chapel, you're an idiot. The man cheated on you. He should be down on his knees begging your forgiveness. How the hell can you be so understanding?"

"Because it wasn't the worse part. Some of what he's done is so incomprehensible to me that I have to make sense of what I can."

"Like the deaths?"

"Yes." She grimaced. "And the fact that he proposed to me two weeks before he went missing, even though he was in love with someone else and about to leave me."

Oh hell. "And you're saying he's not psychotic?"

"Yes. He's completely lucid. His psychological assessment for his hearing never picked up on anything."

"No man in his right mind leaves a woman like you." He said it without thinking, and she blushed, embarrassed. He supposed he was stepping too far towards the line, but it was the truth. Korby had had her love and her commitment and he had thrown it away. He couldn't be sane. Good grief – look at her. No man would ever want to do that.

"Have you got everything you need?"

"Need?" Had she changed the subject without him realising?

"Well, I imagine you are trying to assess me psychologically. You do realise that protocol does dictates that you are supposed to tell me of your intentions before we start the discussion."

Was that really what she thought? That he was only here to make sure she wasn't going to have a breakdown? "I didn't come here with an agenda Chapel." He tried not to sound hurt. Had she trusted him with that information because she thought he was being her doctor, or because she needed him to be her friend? He met her eyes. Damn it, right now she was so beautiful and so vulnerable. He wished she'd let him be there for her.

"Doctor, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Yes." Right now he'd tell her anything. Even why he was really here.

"Why did your wife leave you?"

He stared for a moment, then exhaled slowly and leaned back. "Hell Chapel." He hadn't seen that one coming.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked that." She really did look sorry.

"No, I suppose it's fair." She had talked to him, after all. "I just wasn't expecting it. She left me for someone else." He found it easier to say that he'd expected. It was a long time ago now. He supposed he had moved on.

"She left you?" She sounded surprised. Why had she thought that his wife had left? Had she thought he would have made a bad husband? Well, she wouldn't have been wrong there.

"Yes – he's some sort of interior designer, and a much better person than me I'm told."

"I don't believe that."

He snorted ironically. "Do you not?" She of all people knew that he wasn't a good person. "Well she's much happier now."

"What happened?"

He shrugged. "I was the idiot that never saw it coming. I was working long hours – trying to make a name for myself – but I thought we were all right – I didn't see she was miserable. Then one day I come home and she tells me that she's divorcing me, that there was someone else, and that she frankly couldn't stand me." She told him that he'd taken everything from her – all her hopes and dreams, so that one day she had woken up and her resentment of him had turned to hatred. The worst part was that he hadn't noticed. What sort of person didn't notice that their wife didn't love them anymore? If he'd realised sooner he could have done something about it. Something that would have made her stay. He hadn't even realised when she had started to come home late, leaving him with Joanna while she attended 'classes'. He had trusted her. More the idiot him.

"I'm sorry, doctor."He believed that part and nodded.

"At least I can say I know how it feels, Chapel."

She looked at him, and he got the distinct impression she was seeing into his soul with those blue eyes of hers. "Was joining Starfleet a way of hurting yourself, because you blamed yourself for her leaving?" Hell, how could she know that? He'd only just realised it himself recently. Being on a starship was the perfect way to punish himself – it wasn't hard to expect a violent death almost every day here. Of course working closely with the woman he was in love with and never being able to tell her was an additional punishment too. Was his love then some mad product from a psychological need to damage himself? Somehow he didn't think so. He probably would have fallen for her either way.

He tried to smile at her. "You know, you're supposed to give me warning Chapel, before a psychological assessment."

She returned his smile. Damn it, he wished he could kiss her. "How was the sickbay?" He was relieved when she changed the subject.

"Quiet, although Temple's running around like a headless chicken. Trust you to pick a substitute that is so damned neurotic."

"Be patient with her. She's never done anything like this before."

"I am being patient."

She arched an eyebrow at him in amusement. "You mean you haven't made her cry in my absence."

"Damn it Chapel, I never make anyone cry."

She laughed and he couldn't help but scowl at her. "Perhaps not deliberately."

He glanced at the time. Hell, he'd been here for twenty minutes. He had to leave. If he didn't he was going to do something stupid. He could already feel his determination crumbling as she sat there with her hair loose and her legs bare. He was only a man.

"I should be going."

She smiled at him, but he could see incomprehension in her eyes. "I should be off to bed too. I'll have to go and get the results of the experiment in a few hours. How long until we reach Exo?"

"Another forty-eight hours, or so."

She nodded, and he could already see the pain returning to her face. Damn, she had no idea how much he wanted to stay and distract her. He walked to the door but found he couldn't leave without making sure she understood.

"You know I think that this is a pretty bad idea, Chapel."

"I know." She sounded weary.

"Well even so. You don't have to feel like you're on your own with it. What I said before…" He found he couldn't say it again. It had been hard enough the first time. It had been a long time since he had wanted to be there for anyone.

"I know, doctor. Thank you." He hoped she did know. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Chapel."

He walked back out through that door, leaving part of himself behind with her.

"How long has she been in there?" He paced the floor of Jim's office. He wasn't sure he was capable of doing much else. The last day had tested his nerves so fully he was considering discharging himself from duty.

"The laboratory logs show that neither Nurse Chapel nor Doctor Korby have left the room in twenty-seven hours." Spock replied calmly.

"Hell, surely you would have thought to question what they're doing in there for all that time?"

"Doctor, _surely_ the point of them being in there is for scientific experimentation. The fact that they have been in there for so long is indicative that they are having some success."

Jim nodded. "Spock's right. Chapel may have found out what the project's all about now."

"And then her role will be over?" Jim and Spock glanced at one another. "Damn it, promise me that you won't require her to do anything else with that man."

"Doctor, it is illogical to assume that Nurse Chapel will no longer be necessary to our plans."

"Then make her unnecessary. I'm telling you that she is going through hell right now. I'm her damn doctor, and in my medical opinion we're pushing her as far as she can go."

"You fear that she may break?"

"If you keep this up, anyone would break. The man's a psychopath, I'd put my money on it."

"All the more reason to make him feel like he is in control. Is that not the typical method of action when dealing with a psychopath?"

Damn it, he was right. "Hell, Spock. How far are you willing to push her to make this work?"

"As far as necessary." Of course he was. There was no point appealing to the heartlessness of that pointy-eared hobgoblin.

There was a buzz at the door, and Spock picked up his PADD again, apparently dismissing him and the conversation. Damn him.

"Come." Jim answered, and a surprised expression let him know immediately who it was. "Christine, is everything all right?"

She looked ill – the worst he had ever seen her – her face white and drawn, her eyes bloodshot. However, she still attempted a smile. "Not really."

"Have a seat." He was glad Jim offered her one, because she looked close to fainting.

"I found out the nature of Roger's work." She told them calmly. "It's… somewhat shocking."

"Shocking? Please elaborate." Spock sounded coldly interested. Hell, one of these days…

"Roger has discovered a way to build bodies."

He frowned, trying to work out what she meant. "Like cloning?"

"No, not exactly. The bodies would be perfect – all defects would be removed."

"So he's genetically engineering them." He felt relieved. "Well that's not new."

"It's more than that. The bodies aren't just perfect – they're potentially immortal. And able to survive practically any insult." Oh hell.

"Fascinating. You've tested this?" The Vulcan asked her.

"He gave me some tissue samples. Now I consider it, I imagine that he took them from Exo, although I would have never guessed their age. I've subjected them to every insult I could think of to no effect. I've never see cells so stable in my life."

"So he's found a way to create immortality?" Jim sounded awed but McCoy felt wary.

"In a manner of speaking. The bodies would be perfect but insentient. He would have to transfer a consciousness from one body into a new one."

"That's not possible." He told her with conviction. He should know, he'd tried it. "The Human mind is far too complex to allow such transference."

"That's what I said, but apparently he's found a way."

"You've seen evidence of this?" Spock questioned.

She shook her head. "No, not as such. However, he's told me that the people he killed were due to experiments of this nature. In fact, he says that five were successful and are still living on Exo in the caves under the surface."

"Is that possible?" Jim asked.

"We scanned the planet before we left, and found no life signs. But our sensors were far less powerful than the Enterprise's."

Damn it. "Well, now we know why the Federation would be so interested. Even a whiff of the ability to live forever would have every scientist's panties in a twist." Hell, plenty of non-scientists too.

"There's more."

"Of course there is." There always was.

"When Roger and I were… together, he spoke of forming a Utopia. He's been obsessed with the idea ever since. He said that the extinct people of Exo III were able to create a way of doing this – something more than to create a perfect body."

"Do you have any idea what this is?"

"None – but it requires him to return to Exo."

"I see."

"Apparently it also requires me."

He stared at her back, feeling panicked. "You? What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know, but that's what he said. He told me that he and I would have to go down together – that I'm necessary.

"Well, there's no way you're going down there." He glanced pointedly at Spock. Let him try it.

"I certainly wasn't planning to." She said resolutely.

"All right. Well now we know he's up to something." Jim frowned at them all.

"I do not believe that you will be required to continue to see Doctor Korby, nor do I think it is a good idea. His plans clearly are dependent on you somehow." Spock told her. Well, well, well. He'd actually listened to him and given in. He must have known the fight he would have had on his hands had he not. He saw the way her shoulders slumped in relief and felt his own relief mimic it.

Jim was nodding. "I agree. Let's find out what we're dealing with first. I don't want you getting in deep with something like this, Christine. Bones, I think you need to go and pay a visit to the doctor. See what his mental state is like."

Damn it. He didn't want to go anywhere near the man. "I'm a surgeon, Jim, not a psychiatrist."

"Well you're the best I've got." He snorted. "Spock, I'm going to need scans of Exo – pull up the most recent ones on our database and see if you can see any signs of life and these caves that Doctor Korby mentioned."

"Yes captain."

"I'm going to have a little talk with Starfleet and see if they how much they knew of this before they agreed for Korby to get on our ship." He smiled enthusiastically, and glanced at him. Good – now Jim was going to push back. The worst was over.

"What would you have me do, captain?" Chapel asked wearily.

Hell no. She wasn't going to do anything. "She needs sleep." He moved next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. He could feel her trembling with exhaustion under his hand. He gave Jim a look. The captain really didn't want to push him right now.

Jim grinned knowingly. "That you do Christine." He agreed.

"I'm fine." She said, without much conviction.

He snorted. "Of course you are."

"Dismissed, Nurse Chapel. Don't worry, we'll contact you when we've decided on a course of action." Jim told her.

"Thank you, sir." She stood up and he dropped his hand. For a second their eyes met, and she looked at him with what he could only describe as confusion. Hell, he wanted to reassure her that the worst was over now. He probably would have done, had there not been watching eyes in two directions.

"Goodnight." She turned promptly and left.

"Well Bones, looks like you got what you wanted. Christine's out of it now." Jim told him.

He nodded, feeling his sleeplessness catch up with him in relief. He hadn't had more than a few hours sleep since Korby had come aboard. Worry over Chapel had managed to keep him awake. "We'll be arriving at Exo in six hours."

"I'll see Korby before we arrive." He told them. He was going to put his head down for a few hours first.

"Good. Let me know if you make any development."

"Shall do." He left to return to his quarters.

He was dreaming. He knew he must be, because the sky hadn't been that colour of blue since he was a boy, and that stream had long dried up. He was in the woods, near his childhood home. The place where he had made camps and climbed trees and studied the insects. He followed the familiar path back up to the house, touching the leaves on the trees and that fallen log, and the paving stones he had laid down one summer across the boggy patch. She was waiting for him as he came out onto the grass, her arms wrapped around herself as if she were holding herself together, her back to him.

"Chapel?"

She turned to him as she always did in his dreams. However, unlike the gentleness that was normal, her eyes were cold and pained. "Leonard? Where have you been?"

"In the woods. What's the matter? What's happened?"

"It hurts."

"What does?"

"You do."

He didn't understand. "I hurt you?"

"You took it from me, Leonard. My dreams, everything I ever wanted. You took it – and I thought you were enough to make up for it. But I was wrong." Her voice was changing. It was taking on Caroline's accent now, echoing her words to him when she had left.

"I never meant to take them. I didn't realise. You should have told me." He stammered, feeling panicked. He couldn't let her go. He loved her. Hell, she couldn't leave.

"Goodbye, Leonard."

"No – wait. Christine, wait." She turned from him and disappeared into the woods. He went to follow her but heard child's voice and turned to see Joanna sobbing.

"Daddy." She cried out to him and he didn't hesitate. However when he reached her she ran from him, terror in her eyes.

"Who are you?" She screamed at him.

"I'm your father, Joanna." He told her, and tried to reach out to her, but she screamed.

"No. No you're not. He's there. There's my daddy." Henry was running towards them, and she ran into his arms. The man smiled at him slowly as he felt the rage build in him. Then he heard a shot in the woods. A new terror seized him and he ran into them, calling for her. The sky was darkening, the rain coming down, and he tripped several times. Finally he found her. There was blood everywhere. More blood than he knew what to do with. More blood than he could stop.

"Damn it Chapel." He choked and pressed down hard onto her abdomen. She cried out in pain, then gasped for breath, reaching out for him. He took her in his arms.

"You can't save me Doctor. No one can." She gasped, already stilling.

"Yes I can. I can save you."

She smiled at him, that slow, sweet smile, as her eyes fluttered shut. "I love you." She whispered.

"Hell, I love you." He cried, as her breathing stopped and the blood flow slowed. He couldn't save her. He could never save her. He wept into her body, holding her close. Then he was awake, sitting up in his bed, gasping for breath.

"Damn it." He muttered. He got out of bed, hands shaking, and went to splash water on his face. It was just a nightmare. He'd had plenty of those before. But that one had been worse than most. Clearly the last few days of worry had combined with his overtired brain to produce it. Chapel was still very much alive and probably fast asleep in her own quarters. He was being irrational. Even so, the need to go to her and check she was all right was almost overwhelming. He glanced at the time. Hell, he still needed to see Korby and they'd be at Exo in an hour. He felt no better rested then before he had gone to his bed.

He showered and pulled on a clean uniform. Doctor Roger Korby. He'd have never guessed as a young man that he would be in such a situation now – about to assess the man who he had respected over most others. The man he now hated to an almost irrational level. He picked up his medical kit and walked to the guest quarters on deck nine. Officer Myers was outside with Galloway, both equally non-communicative and stony faced.

"I need to see Korby." He told them with a frown.

"He's not sick, doctor." Myers replied. Good grief.

"Are you a doctor, officer?"

"No, sir."

"Then allow me to be the judge of that." Myers nodded and moved from the door.

"Doctor?" Galloway began. Hell, not him too.

"Is there a problem, Galloway?"

"Would you like me to accompany you, sir?"

Well that was an interesting notion. Did they think he needed accompanying? "No. Wait outside. I call if I need you."

"Yes sir."

He entered the room. Korby was sitting in an armchair, looking out into the moving space at warp. He stood as he entered.

"Ah, Doctor McCoy. I thought I would be seeing you again. How can I help you?"

"I need to perform an examination, as part of our prisoner form."

"Paperwork. The bane of all our lives. Christine used to take care of all of mine. I imagine she helps you with yours now."

"Yes she does." He pulled out a PADD and his scanner. "Any ill health since coming aboard?"

"No?"

"Nausea or vomiting? Dizziness? A change in vision or any sensory perception?"

"You know, you should probably ask those questions one at a time. I'm not sure which one to answer first, and you won't know which one I'm saying yes to. Just some friendly advice."

He gritted his teeth. "Any nausea or vomiting?"

"No."

"Any dizziness?  
"No."

"Any change in vision, or sensory perception."

"Well, I have had some slight ringing in my ears. I think it's because we're travelling at warp. I've heard that it can often induce tinnitus."

"That may be a side-effect, yes." He scanned him, then gave him a shot to help ease it. "Any serious illnesses that you were being treated for prior to coming aboard the Enterprise?"

"No. I've always been as fit as a fiddle. Most people can't believe it when I tell them my age."

He suppressed a sarcastic response. "I'm sure."

"So how is Christine getting on aboard the Enterprise?"

"Doctor Korby, you know that I am unable to discuss other personnel with you."

"I don't want her medical history, McCoy. I just want to know how she's been."

"She's been fine."

"She has many friends?"

"Yes. Everyone likes her."

"She was always like that. There something about her that makes people want to be near her." Obviously it didn't work on him though, since he had left her. "She seems to think highly of you." Was that so? He made no comment. "I'm glad you help her. She's always been in need of guidance. She's become a real scientist under you."

"I'm sure she always was a real scientist. I have taught her very little." Certainly nothing on scientific method.

"Did she tell you she wanted to be a doctor?"

"Yes."

"I told her what I thought – that it would be a frightful waste of her talents. She was going to apply to medical school, but we soon nipped that one in the bud. I don't think that she has the disposition for such work." Damn him. Who was he to have made that decision on her behalf?

"I think she'll make a good doctor." He tried to keep his anger out of his voice. "She's certainly shown the right sort of disposition here."

"Indeed? Well, she really has changed then. There's a hardness about her now she never used to have. She was always smiling." Surely he realised that was his fault?

He gave him another shot far harder than he probably needed to. Korby rubbed his neck, seemingly oblivious.

"How is her personal life? You seem close."

"Her personal life is none of my business, Korby." He bit. "It's none of yours either."

"Do you think so? I care about her, you know. I think I'm entitled to know."

"I think you lost every entitlement to her life when you left her for another woman."

The man frowned, then met his eyes properly for the first time. "I see. Well, no doubt that must have hurt her. However, what we'll do on Exo will make it all right."

"I don't think that there's much you can do that will make it right." He returned. This man really had no grip on reality. Couldn't he see what he'd done to her?

"Nonsense. She'll come round. Unless you think there's someone else?"

"I think that you should leave her the hell alone. You've done enough to her."

He finished scanning and recorded the results. "My, my Doctor. It couldn't possibly be that you're jealous of our relationship, could it?"

He frowned. "As far as I was aware, you have no relationship, Korby."

"That's not answering my question."

"No, I'm not jealous of you. She deserves better."

"Someone like you?"

He crossed his arms. "I'm finished. I'll send a transcript of my recording to your prison officer on Earth."

"That won't be necessary. I'm not returning there."

"I don't think you get much choice in that."

"On the contrary. Once Christine and I return to Exo I think that they'll give me everything that I ask for."

He bristled. He sounded so sure of himself that it made him nervous. "Christine isn't going to return to Exo with you."

"Why, of course she is. I've asked for it."

"Just because you asked, doesn't mean it will happen. She doesn't want to go. I suggest that you find some way to finish your research without her."

"But I can't. I need her help."

"That's too bad."

"Do you think that she's going to stay with you over me, doctor? Because I assure you she won't. She's the one that gave her heart to me – I made no advances on her. She'll always pick me. We're meant to be together. We always were."

He shook his head. "You're insane."

"Nonsense. I just know my mind, and I know hers. Has she told you she loves you, doctor? Has she kissed you? Has she been near a man since me? I know she hasn't, because she's constant. She always has been. She's never stopped loving me, and now that we return to Exo, we're going to be together."

Was she still in love with him? Oh hell. "I'll be damned if I'm letting you near that planet, Korby."

"You have to let me. I've friends in high places. Your captain will have to do it."

He snorted. "You obviously don't know Captain Kirk. You can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do." The man frowned and he felt a small degree of satisfaction. "Well, Doctor Korby, it's been very interesting to meet you. I hope you enjoy the remainder of your stay aboard the Enterprise."

He began to walk out. Hell, he'd better warn Jim as to the mental state of the man. "Do you want to know what it was like being with her, McCoy?" The change in his voice made him pause, even as every instinct told him to leave. "She was wonderful. Perfect and innocent. Making love to her was like being with an angel. But I realised soon after that I would have to give her up. She was like gold ore. She needed to go through the refiner's fire to become the woman I needed. So I tested her. I cheated on her, left her, belittled her and broke her down until she was truly alone. And all because I could, McCoy."

The rage he felt was stronger than he could control. He rounded on the man. "It was a test? You did all that as a test?" He hit him hard in the face and he fell to the ground with a thump. "Damn you."

Galloway and Myers were pulling him off him and he struggled. Korby was sitting up. Despite a bloodied nose he was smiling. "Well, it would seem that my suspicions were right." He murmured. "If you wouldn't mind?" Myers hit him hard in the face and he saw stars. What the hell? Myers?

"What's going on?" Galloway shouted, but paused when he saw that Korby was pointing a phaser at him.

"Very nice, thank you." Korby nodded. "Well, it really didn't take much to find out the true intentions of officers on this ship. You were never going to let me go down to Exo. That is a pity. I apologise for having to do this the more violent way, but you really haven't left me any choice. Although not for your nose, doctor – you did bring that on yourself. Did you really think I would come aboard this ship without protection?"

Hell, Myers was a sympathiser? He wondered what Korby had said to him. "Go to hell. You'll never get away with this."

The man shrugged. "I believe that I already have. Tell Christine I expect to see her soon."

He fired and then there was nothing.

"Bones? Bones, wake up." He opened his eyes, then sat up with a start. Jim steadied him by his shoulders.

"Damn it. Korby?"

"On Exo. He's taken Galloway hostage."

"Damn. I assume Myers is with them."

"No, Myers is dead. Korby killed him on the transporter pad."

Oh hell. "Well, I was about to report that the man was unstable and his security needed to be increased, but I suppose that it's a bit late for that now. Was anyone else hurt?"

"A few stunned like you, but nothing other than that."

"Chapel?"

"In her quarters, blissfully unaware." He helped him to his feet. "I'm going back to the bridge to work on a plan of action." He gave him an appraising look. "Who messed up your face? Don't tell me that Korby took you out?"

"It was Myers."

"If you say so. You should get it looked at."

"By who exactly? Hell, you're not doing this without me Jim."

Jim chuckled. "I thought that you would feel like that. Let's go." He paused at the comm. "Kirk to the bridge. Please contact Nurse Chapel and ask her to join us."

"Yes sir."

"You can't involve her in this, Jim. It's exactly what he wants. His plan involves her and it's big."

"Do you know what it is?"

"No, he gave me no details."

"Then she's our best chance of finding out."

"Damn it, Jim. I won't let you use her again."

Jim gave him a long look. "It's about time you starting thinking clearly, Bones. You're being overprotective."

"The hell I am. You haven't met him. You can't let her near him."

"Let's just play this by ear, shall we? I won't make her do anything she's not willing to do."

"Damn it." That wasn't reassuring in the slightest.

They entered the bridge. He could feel everyone's eyes on his face. He scowled.

"Captain, sensor readings confirm that there are indeed caves beneath the surface of Exo." Spock told them, taking in his face without comment. "Since we can find no reading of Doctor Korby on the surface, I think it is likely that they beamed there."

"Chekov, pull up the exact coordinates that they beamed to."

"Yes captain."

The door slid open and Chapel joined them. She looked better for some sleep, her hair as neat as always, her uniform creaseless.

"Captain?"

"Ah, Christine, there you are." Jim smiled at her as she stared at the viewscreen. "We've got a bit of a problem."

"A bit of a problem?" That was the biggest understatement he'd ever heard. She turned and looked horrified when she saw him. Well that made him feel better.

"Doctor, your face." As if he wasn't already aware of it.

Jim chuckled. "You should probably take a look at it, Christine. He won't go down to sickbay."

"My face is the least of our damned worries right now." She ignored him, pulling out her scanner and approaching him with a calculating look.

"How did this happen?"

"Korby's escaped." Her reaction made him wish that he'd broken it a bit more gently.

"Escaped?"

Jim nodded. "He stunned Bones and sedated his guards. He's holding Galloway hostage – he forced us to transport him to the surface."

She opened her mouth but said nothing. She looked horrified, the colour instantly draining from her face.

"Give it to me Chapel." He took her scanner before she dropped it. Hell, if she fainted he would need a working one.

"Captain, we're receiving a communication from the surface – audio only." Uhura told them.

"Put it through."

"Enterprise, this is Roger Korby." Damn it.

"Doctor Korby. You have Galloway with you?"

"Yes, he is fine. I have no intention of damaging him. I apologise for having to escape in such a manner, but you left me little choice. I could not take the risk that you would not allow me down to the surface."

"Release Galloway, Doctor Korby." Jim demanded.

"I fully intend to. However, I request that you and Christine beam down to the surface. If you do so, I will release Galloway onto the surface immediately, and you can beam him up." Hell, he knew this would happen.

"Why do you want us?"

"There is something that I must show you both. Christine knows that I mean her no harm. I'd never do anything to hurt her." Was that so? Because apparently his tests weren't a form of harm?

"So you want us to beam down in exchange for Galloway?"  
"I believe that is what I said, Captain Kirk. Come down alone – I have friends here and I would hate for anything to happen to others you bring."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, simply an unfortunate consequence. I mean neither of you any harm. I just need you to see. I'm sending you the coordinates now. I expect to see you shortly."

There was silence, but inside he was raging. Hell, this couldn't happen.

"What do you think, Spock?"

"I am not sure captain."

"Christine?" She moved closer and he followed. He couldn't let her do this.

"He's right – I don't think he would hurt me. However, I'm concerned Galloway may end up in one of the bodies." Oh hell. He certainly knew how to manipulate her. There was no need for him to have taken a hostage for any other reason than he knew she would do anything to free him.

"I don't see how we've much choice then."

"Of course there's a choice Jim. You can't seriously be considering going down there?"

"I am." He met his eyes. "Although Christine, I think perhaps you should stay." Thank goodness.

"I can't, captain. I can talk to him. Whatever else he thinks, he still listens to me."

Jim nodded. Oh hell. "Jim!"

"No, Bones. I agree with Christine. She's not in any danger, and she might be the only one who can get through to him. Whatever he's got into she's the only one who knows him well enough. We'll go down together."

"Then I'll come with you." He had no idea what he was dealing with. Neither of them did.

"No Bones. I need you here for Galloway. Mister Spock, you have the bridge. If we don't communicate with you in an hour come and find us."

"Yes captain."

He threw up is hands in frustration and stormed off the bridge. Damn it, he hoped they wouldn't all come to regret ignoring him.

The minutes ticked by. He sat in the office and watched the clock on his computer. There was a stillness in sickbay that seemed to mimic how he was feeling. Damn it, let them be all right. Jim was smart, but Korby was even smarter, and had every conceivable advantage. Except for Christine. He still seemed to think she was something she was not. He was never so glad he'd hit someone in his life.

"Spock to McCoy." His comm. buzzed.

"McCoy here."

"I am taking a team down to the surface. Please await our return with a medical team."

"Understood." He would have asked to go down with them, but Spock would have said no. If Jim hadn't contacted them by now it meant something bad had happened. Something that usually required a doctor. Oh hell…

"Hylara, Fford, Ogiri." He charged out of his office and the nurses squeaked and fell into place. "We're going to the transporter bay to await an away team. Gather up what you need."

"Yes doctor."

It felt better to be doing something, even if that something was nothing. "Kier, wake Zuvolt and prepare the sickbay."

"Should I contact Nurse Chapel, doctor?" She asked. Hell, none of them knew she was down there. Of course they didn't. He'd never told them.

"No, thank you nurse. That won't be necessary. Chapel is part of the away team." She gave him a horrified look of understanding and hurried away. The other nurses took a few minutes, but eventually were ready, packs in hand, looking nervous but professional. Chapel had trained them well. "Come on." They followed him to the transporter room. He could hear them whispering behind him. He heard her name mentioned several times.

They were already beaming in as they arrived. He thanked everything he could think of when he saw her. She wasn't looking at him. She was saying something to Jim, face blank. He nodded and she glided past him. He would have stopped her, demanded to know what had happened and whether she was all right, but then Jim collapsed and his thoughts were taken up by getting the captain to the sickbay.

"I'm fine Bones." He said after several minutes of scans and a neurological read out.

"You're not fine." He assured him angrily. "I'm surprised you made it back to the ship without collapsing."

"He was trying to put my mind into another body. All of me except the part that had free will."

"Hell, that explains a lot. Because you seem be ignoring me despite my orders to LAY STILL."

Jim winced at the loudness of his voice, and obediently stopped fidgeting. "You'd better tell me what happened."

"Bones…"

"You're not going anywhere so start talking."

"He was trying to build Utopia. Chapel was right – he was able to build these perfect bodies, but they had no free will. I met some of them – they were like robots, but with all the memories of the person they had come from. He was going to put me in a body and order us to carry his equipment for some sort of universal domination."

"Hell. He really is insane."

"Was insane."

"What?"

"He was… Chapel killed him."

"SHE DID WHAT?" Everyone in the sickbay paused at the sound of his voice, and he attempted to reign in his anger.

"She had no choice Bones. It was him or me." Oh hell.

"Where is she?"

"She wanted to go to her quarters. I tried to tell her you'd want to examine her, but she was pretty cut up."

"Damn it." He was feeling panicked. She'd killed him. Hell, please say she wasn't going to do anything stupid. "Zuvolt." He called across to the other doctor. "Come and keep an eye on the captain. If he attempts to move, sedate him." The man looked nervous, but he knew he wouldn't disobey his orders.

"Bones…"

"Damn it Jim." He couldn't find the words right now. "Damn it."

He picked up his kit and stormed out of the sickbay. Hell. Korby had broken her. He'd done just what he said he had. But he was wrong too. Because she hadn't chosen him. She'd chosen Jim, and the Enterprise. He knew what that would have cost her.

He buzzed her door but heard no movement inside. He tried again. And again. "Computer, emergency medical override-."

The door opened and she stood facing him. He wasn't sure whether to shake her or shout at her or to take her in his arms. "Chapel – what the hell…" He had to force the emotion from his voice and take a step backwards so as not to overstep his boundaries. "I need to check you over."

She didn't look at him. "I'm fine." Her voice was wooden, but she attempted a smile. Always trying to make him feel better. But clearly she didn't want him there. May be she really was all right?

"I'm sure you are – but I don't make protocol."

"Really doctor…" He almost gave in and left her. He didn't want to force himself on her. But then he noticed her hands were shaking. Her hands never shook. Damn it, she'd just killed someone. Like hell she was all right.

"Chapel." He folded his arms. She frowned, but moved out the way and allowed him in. The room was dark. She'd been sitting in the dark? "Computer, lights."

She blinked, but made no movement as he scanned her from head to toe. He'd been hoping to find something. Anything that would allow him to take her back to the sickbay, to his office. Something that would allow him to watch over her. Unfortunately there was nothing. At least physically she was fit.

"If there's nothing else…" He was not going to let her alone with this. He knew she was feeling something. Damn it, he needed her to trust him.

"Jim told me what you did." He commented. He searched her face, but it was blank and she kept her eyes on the floor.

"I'm fine." She repeated hollowly, walking to the door to let him out.

"Damn it. You're not fine." He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. She still wouldn't look at him, so he tilted her face up to look at him. He needed her to see that he cared about her. "Christine…"

He could see something break in her eyes. Then slowly she fell to her knees on the floor, wrapping her arms around herself as she sobbed. He felt something in him break in reply. He sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her, turning her head into his chest. He felt her shudder, even as she cried soundlessly. He made no sound of his own. What could he possibly say now that would make this better? He stroked her hair instead, keeping his arms around her tight, showing her that he wasn't going to let her go. He wasn't sure how long they sat there. He didn't really care. He needed her there as much as she needed him.

"I killed him." She finally whispered brokenly.

"It wasn't your fault Christine. You had no choice." He told her firmly.

"There's always a choice." Damn him for saying those words. "I killed him. The only man that ever loved me and I killed him." Was that what she thought? That he was the only one? Hell, couldn't she see how he felt?

He drew her away a little and cupped her cheek, forcing her to meet his eyes so that she could see and understand. "Listen to me, damn it. I know you. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't have to. Jim would have died otherwise."

"What does it matter? I'm alone. I always have been. I always will be." Damn it. This was how Korby had broken her. He wouldn't let him win.

"You're not alone, Christine. You're never alone." He was there. He always would be if she let him. He saw something in her eyes. Something that looked like need. His heart ached painfully. Right now he could kiss her. He knew she wouldn't turn him down because she needed to feel something else. He knew that feeling well. He would take her to her bed and make her forget Korby and that day, and everything except what he felt for her.

"Doctor." She whispered. He wiped a tear from her cheek and leaned in to her. She felt good and right, and it would be so easy. But he couldn't. Because tomorrow morning she would hate him for taking advantage of her. Tomorrow he would just be another problem, another regret. And he wanted her to kiss him because she cared for him, not because she was reeling from the pain of someone else. Hell, he wouldn't because he loved her and he refused to be someone else that would hurt her. His kissed her on the forehead and used every inch of resolve he had to pull away.

The look in her eyes made him want to vomit, or to reach for her again. But she was already pulling away. He could see her shutting off from him emotionally, even as she removed his arm and stood up shakily. "Sorry about that." Was she apologising for the tears, or the fact she'd wanted him to kiss her?

"Hell, don't apologise." This was awful. He'd never felt so bad after an action he knew was right in his life. He was fairly sure he was going to vomit.

"You should go."

"I can stay. If you want me to." Good grief, he'd changed his mind. If she told him she wanted him, he wouldn't leave her. He'd tell her how he felt. He just needed her to meet him halfway.

"I'm ok. I just need sleep. You have things to be doing."

Damn it. He'd thrown away his only chance. He moved reluctantly to the door, taking in her tear-streaked face. "If you're sure."

"Yes." Her voice was resolved.

"Take tomorrow off, Chapel. You need some time…" He'd come and check on her again then. And every day until she was well enough to come back.

"Ok." She didn't argue. She didn't even try. That scared him more than anything else.

"You know where I am…" She nodded. "Get some sleep."

"Goodbye." There was a finality in her voice. Great, merciful… He forced himself to step out of the room, but remained outside her door long after it had shut. For the first time, he wondered whether doing the right thing was indeed the right thing.


	21. Chapter 11 The Pieces Christine

11. The Pieces - Christine

_Wow - When did this story manage to get so long? I initially started it to help me deal with the stress of my crazy medical exams (hence the first few chapters aren't my best) but unfortunately the characters seemed to be more complicated than a Jerry Springer show. Thanks for sticking with me (and with them!). The next chapter is a big one, so stay tuned. Someone asked me who I could imagine playing Christine in a movie. Maybe Elizabeth Mitchell? I'm intrigued to know what you think. Anyhow, let's see how Christine's faring in the aftermath of Roger. Thanks for reading._

A long time ago Christine had visited a Starfleet psychiatric ward as part of her rotations. There had been many patients, most of which had faded into a blur of signs and symptoms, but one she could never forget. Her name was Agnes. She was young – just twenty-two, and had been admitted to the ward after a suicide attempt. She had been pretty, with large brown eyes and freckles, but had become almost catatonic, spending hours staring out of the window, selectively mute. Nobody had known what had precipitated the attempt. For someone who was generally well liked and admired, no one knew her well enough to comment on her psyche. Most of the medical staff ignored her, frustrated by her lack of progress, but Christine had found her fascinating, and had spent many long hours with her in her own time - her company being better than going back to an empty room and dwelling on her missing fiancé. Although she never spoke, they began to make some progress. She began to acknowledge her presence with a nod, and smile occasionally. Perhaps she recognised the pain that she too carried. It wasn't until her final day on the ward that she made an effort to communicate. She picked up her PADD and typed on it. It was two words: 'The Pieces'. She recognised it as a response to the question she had asked her earlier – about why she didn't speak. She hadn't understood those words at the time. She did now. Agnes had felt that if she spoke those tenuous pieces she was holding onto, those pieces that were keeping her sane, would be lost and so would she. Christine knew now, because she felt that if she stayed on this ship, the same thing would happen to her.

Now she couldn't focus, couldn't stop and couldn't think. She was adrift. She had lost every piece but one. When she had killed Roger she had lost herself. Now, as she walked to sickbay, with the engine of the Enterprise rumbling under her feet, she was about to lose her final piece via the PADD in her hand. There was always a choice, but she didn't see how she could make anything but this one.

The sickbay was quiet. The nurses all turned to her when she entered, but no one tried to approach her. She supposed they saw that she wasn't coming back to work – that she was here with an aim. Temple gave her a small smile but looked worried. Well that was understandable. In approximately ten minutes she would be the acting head nurse of the Enterprise.

She knocked at his door, then entered. He was sitting at his desk, as always, frowning at a PADD, hair falling into his face and eyes tired. Something in her ached when she saw him. She had been in his arms. He had been so close.

"Chapel?" There was confusion in his eyes, but he looked happy to see her. For a moment she wondered if she could really do this. "I thought I told you to take the day off?"

"I came to give you this, doctor." She was proud of the calmness in her voice.

He frowned and accepted the PADD she handed him. "What is it?"

"My resignation."

"Your _what_?" His eyes widened, and for a second he thought he'd shout at her. Then he sighed. "Sit down Chapel." His lack of anger weakened her resolve. She had expected anger. Good grief, why couldn't he make this easy for her?

"You know it's necessary, doctor." She told him firmly as she sat down slowly.

"Don't tell me what I know." He folded his arms across his chest and looked at her searchingly. "Tell me why you want to leave."

"I'm not fit to practise anymore." Her voice wobbled slightly, but she pulled herself under control. She wouldn't cry in front of him again. She didn't have many tears left to cry. If he held her it would break her resolve.

He shrugged. "So you need time. No one expects you to come back to work right away."

"I can't come back to work at all."

"Damn it Chapel." He appeared to be struggling to keep his voice calm. "Listen, I know what happened hurt you, but this isn't going to help."

She dealt her highest card. "I made you a promise once that if I thought what I was feeling would interfere with my work I would tell you. This is me telling you."

He swallowed, then dropped his eyes to her PADD. "So you've made up your mind that you're going to leave?"

"Yes."

"And go where? And do what?"

"I don't know." She didn't need reminding that she had nothing and no one off this ship. She didn't know what she would do once she left it. Once marked as unfit for duty, the medical program would no longer take her. She would be adrift.

"Listen. I understand that you don't feel able to perform your duties, but hell, that's no reason to do something drastic."

"You don't understand. I need to be away from this ship."

"No you don't. You need to be around people that care about you." He met her eyes. "I refuse to accept your resignation. You're not in your right mind. It's too soon."

"If you don't, I'll take it to the captain. He will accept it."

"Damn it." His voice was growing louder as he grew frustrated. She was prepared for this part. "Chapel, you're allowing Korby to beat you."

"This has nothing to do with Roger." She wasn't sure if that was true or not.

"The hell it doesn't."

"I _killed_ someone, doctor."

"In defence of your captain."

"I still did it. I should have done something – I should have stopped it earlier. And now he's dead." Roger Korby. The man she had loved more than anyone else, who had hurt her and broken her and left her now with blood on her hands.

"He was insane. Damn it, he wanted to enslave the human race Chapel."

She sighed, then shut her eyes. She couldn't forget that. Nor could she forget the look his eyes when she had shot him. What had she become? She felt such a mess she couldn't even begin to make sense of her feelings. But she couldn't let him go. "Doctor, I don't know who I am anymore."

"Well I know who you are." His voice had taken on an intensity she'd never heard before and she opened her eyes to meet his. "You are a damned good nurse. You're kind and understanding and everyone wants to be around you. You make people do their best. You've turned this sickbay upside down. You belong here, at my side." She was almost swayed by the thought that he might want her. But he hadn't. He didn't. She would leave, and in a month, she would be forgotten. She shook her head and he hit his fist hard on the table, making it shake. "Hell Chapel, I know you. You don't run away."

That stung. "Clearly you don't know me at all. I've spent my whole life running away."

He frowned at her. "Well now is a good time to stop. We're your family now – you said it yourself."

She sighed. "It's not about that." It was about her finding herself again.

"Damn it. You're allowing him to beat you."

"No I'm not. I'm trying to do what's best."

"What's best? How the hell can you think that this is what's best?"

"Because it is. I appreciate that this leaves you in a difficult position for a head nurse, but Temple can fill that post for a while and-."

"Damn the nurses, Chapel. This isn't what this is about." His eyes were hot on hers and she was forced to look down.

"Then please tell me what you think this is about." She was beginning to grow weary. Her emotions weren't stable enough to deal with this.

"This is about you punishing yourself because you blame yourself for Korby's death. Because he put you in an impossible position knowing full well that either choice that you'd make would break you. Because that was the sort of man he was."

"Don't talk about him like you knew him." She said harshly.

He lent closer to her. "So you have unresolved feelings. You don't understand him, or what he's done, and he died and you're angry because you have unanswered questions that you'll never find out the answers to now. I know Chapel. But this is what he wanted to do to you. Don't you see? He never wanted you to be a nurse – or a doctor. Don't throw that away now." He had a point. Roger had never wanted medicine for her – at least not of the practising type. But he had known her better than most. Perhaps he had seen the truth – that she wasn't fit for it – and in his own way was trying to protect her.

"I'll leave the ship when we reach Onus. I can catch a ship from there back to Earth."

McCoy sat back sharply. "Chapel – I'm asking you not to do this."

She stood and tried to give him a smile. She owed him that much. "I know we haven't always got along, doctor, but I just want to say that I've enjoyed working with you." After all they had been through. After all they had done together. "You'll manage fine without me. You'll forget I was ever here."

He stood up hard, knocking his chair back. "Hell, is that what you think?" He was hurt. She could see it in his eyes. For a second she wanted to reach out to him, to wipe that look from his face, to tell him that she was his and she wasn't going anywhere, but she was down the path of no return.

"Goodbye, Doctor McCoy."

"Christine… Please…" He was pleading, eyes vulnerable. She felt sick. If he reached out to her now she knew that she would never resist. It took everything she had to turn her back on him. But she had to. She wasn't sure that she really understood the reasons for it. With a deep breath and with tears in her eyes she walked out of the office, closing the door quietly behind her. The sound of smashing PADDs within his room followed her out of the sickbay.

A few hours later her buzzer rang. She wasn't surprised. She had been expecting it.

"Come in, captain." She opened the door, taking in his rueful smile.

"Glad to see I'm so predictable, Christine."

He sauntered in and eyed her packed bags with a frown. "I suppose you've come to try and convince me not to leave." She murmured.

He gave her a smile. "Actually no." She glanced at him in surprise, and he grinned at her expression. "Oh, that's what Bones would like me to be doing, but I'm not going to,"

"Why?"

He sat down. "Because you're stubborn, and I know full well I can't change your mind."

"Thank you." She told him sincerely, allowing herself to relax slightly. She had been expecting another onslaught. She sat down beside him.

"You should be. I might have to find a new CMO too."

She looked at him. "He threatened to leave?"

"He threatened a lot of things. You know what he's like when he's angry."

"He'll get over it." She assured him.

He shook his head. "Actually, Christine, I don't think he will."

"Why? I'm easily replaced."

He laughed. "Is that what you think? Don't tell me you think you're just a head nurse to him?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. His actions had been more than just her CMO recently. They had been of someone who cared. Just not as much as she wanted him to. "I don't know. He thinks of me as a friend?"

Jim gave her a look of disbelief. "Something like that." He shook his head. "This is more complicated than I thought." He sighed. "Bones doesn't make 'friends' easily. He's taking it personally that you're leaving."

"This isn't about him."

"You know that, I know that, but he doesn't. After his wife, he doesn't do well when people he cares about leave him." She felt her heart ache. She should have understood that. And now she probably wouldn't see that smile of his again.

"I'm hardly his wife." She pointed out.

"Well obviously, but you've spent all day every day with him for the last six months. I don't think anyone has been able to put up with him for so long. I'm fairly sure that your replacement won't be able to."

"He's not that bad, Jim."

"That's not what the nurses said. Although he has softened a bit – I'll put that down to age. And you."

She shook her head. "If you want, I'll leave a PADD for your new head nurse giving her some pointers."

"That sounds like a good plan. Although I don't think that anything can really prepare someone for Leonard McCoy." She smiled slightly. That was true. Nothing could have prepared her for his anger or his attitude or his half-smile. She supposed that she had managed well enough. McCoy was hardly a monster, after all.

Jim was watching her carefully. "Are you upset with me for leaving?" She asked him.

He gave her that little-boy smile. "Well, I'll admit I'm loath to let you go. But I do understand. I remember when I killed my first man. His face haunted my dreams for weeks, even though it had been self-defence. For you it must be a whole lot worse." It was.

"How did you cope with it?"

"Bones sat me down and told me that my feelings were normal, and he would be more concerned if I felt nothing. It helped. So did several bottles of his whiskey."

She nodded. Well that sounded like him. "You should apologise to him for me. I know he was trying to help me too."

"I'm not sure he'll listen but I'll try. So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll join a research project somewhere."

"I thought you wanted to be a doctor."

"Well there's no chance of that now." It made her ache inside almost as much as the idea that she was hurting McCoy.

"That's a shame. I think you'd be a good one." He smiled. "But if you're needing somewhere to stay on Earth, I'm sure my mother would love to see you."

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind."

He took her hands and his face became serious. "You know, I owe you an apology for Exo. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"I put myself in that position." He frowned at her. She knew he was going to protest, to say something about him being the captain, but it didn't matter now. "To me you'll always be the little brother I never had, Jim. I wasn't going to allow anything hurt you." She understood why she had been there. It was as much her own fault as his. And the decision of whether or not to shoot hadn't been as easy as it should have been for her.

"And you'll always be the beautiful and elusive older woman I could never have." He grinned and she smiled her return gently.

"I'm glad you've decided on the 'never have' part. How long until we reach Onus?"

"Another three days." So long. Well at least she had time to say her goodbyes. "I'll arrange your decommission for then, but promise me that you'll think it through and make sure it's what you really want. I know you have many reasons to leave this ship, but make sure they're worth what you're paying for them."

She nodded mutely. Was it? She had been so sure this morning that this was the right thing to do, but the price was seeming higher and higher now. But how could she stay? How could she look herself in the mirror everyday and call herself a nurse after what she had done?

"Thank you for coming, Jim."

"Don't mention it. I'll see you again in a few days." He stood up. "And Christine, trust me, you don't want to leave it like this with Bones."

"Like what?"

"Unresolved." He gave her a look with meaning and she frowned in incomprehension. What exactly did they have to resolve? The fact he thought she was making a mistake by leaving? Or the fact only a day ago she had been desperate for him to kiss her and she wasn't entirely sure why? That her feelings for him were certainly more than for a CMO? That the idea of leaving him was the only thing making her hesitate?

"Ok." She wasn't sure what else to say. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to face him again.

"Bye." He smiled at her with a knowing look. She wondered if he knew the reason she was having second thoughts.

"Good bye." She watched him leave, and felt herself clinging on to her last piece all the tighter.

She was half-asleep. She hadn't slept properly since Exo, as her mind replayed the images over and over. The bodies of her friends on the _Yamato_. Sitting alone at her mother's funeral. The piles of bodies of men and children in the caves. The feelings of helplessness as she left behind so many during _Narada_. The moment she had found out Roger was missing and so was Andrea. The hanging bodies she had found in the caves. His remorseless face as she had throw herself into his arms, only to find that he hadn't wanted her. His eyes as he had calmly explained that she had been a mistake, then when he had told her it was all a test. The shock on his face when she had shot him. Around and around and around until it overwhelmed her, as years of emotion tore their way to the surface. She didn't have the strength to suppress it anymore.

When she was thrown from her bed, hitting the wall of her quarters hard, it took her a moment to realise what had happened. Then the walls flashed red and the thoughts were pushed from her mind. She was thrown again, this time against the door as metalwork screamed and the lights flickered off. She pulled herself to her feet, and hesitated for only a second. She pulled on her uniform, tied up her hair, and ran for the door.

The emergency lights were on outside. She ran up the corridor, but another hit threw her the rest of the way down it and into the wall. Screaming and the sound of sucking air told her that the hull had been breached. She crawled her way over to a woman whose hold on some wiring was all that was keeping her from the force field and empty space. She pulled her back into the ship, anchoring herself onto a steel beam. The woman was bleeding down her leg – something must have pierced it. She looked dazed and didn't try and speak – she wouldn't have heard her anyway over all the noise. She pulled her arm over her shoulder and continued to the sickbay.

The screams were growing louder, and the wreckage was increasing the further they went. The sickbay's corridor must have suffered a direct hit. She felt her stomach tighten. The doors of the sickbay were partially obstructed, and she had to sit the woman down so that she could clear them. She slid in alone and for a moment all she could see was smoke and bodies and wreckage.

"Shout in nurses." She cried automatically, and heard responding voices from across the span of the room. Her mental register told her there were a few missing. And she couldn't see McCoy anywhere.

"Nurse Chapel." She heard a voice shout out to her from her left and she stepped through the wreckage. Temple's head and arms were bleeding and Kier's head was in her lap, unconscious.

"She hit her head hard. I can't rouse her." Temple's voice was trembling and she began to cough in the smoke. A figure appeared at her side.

"Christine?" Zuvolt's face was blackened, but he still held a scanner in his shaking hands.

"Doctor, where's McCoy?"

"I don't know. He was over there when we were hit." He pointed to the collapsed ceiling in the corner. Her heart stopped, then restarted at doubled pace.

"Ok, keep an eye on Kier – we need her stable to move her. Temple, I need you up – get those extractor fans on before we asphyxiate."

"Yes Nurse." Zuvolt was already swapping places with Temple, hands moving gently over Kier's body, face set and determined.

"Ogiri, Hylara?" She shouted out to the vague figures moving towards her. "Clear that door. Ffoyd – find Doctor Seams and prepare the room across the corridor for casualties – we can't stay in here. The rest of you start moving patients, and pick up what equipment you can. Campbell, you're with me."

"Yes Nurse." They moved quickly and Campbell followed her as she picked her way across the debris. Several tables had collapsed or overturned and she couldn't see him under the wreckage.

"Help me with this." She ordered, and Campbell immediately began to turn the tables over with her. She saw his face first. His eyes were shut and she almost panicked. Some sort of well-practised professionalism reminded her that she needed to act rationally.

"He's trapped under the beam." Campbell told her. She saw that it had fallen across his chest. Together they lifted it away and she knelt at his side as Campbell worked on clearing the rest of his body.

His chest was rising and she could have cried in relief. "Doctor McCoy? Can you hear me?" His pulse was strong but he made no response. "Campbell, I need you to find me a scanner." The nurse disappeared, and she patted down his body, looking for other injuries. His arms were the worst – he had certainly fractured his right humerus in several places, and his left wrist was obviously out of place. However, other than that he seemed fine. She simply wasn't sure how hard he'd hit his head. "McCoy, you need to open your eyes right now. _Now_, Doctor."

He groaned, but his eyes obediently flicked open slowly. "Chapel? What the hell?" His eyes darted around the room, before focusing on her. She helped him slowly sit up, wincing. She wanted to hug him but was fairly sure she'd hurt him if she did. "What happened?"

"There was a direct hit to sickbay. We're moving everyone down the corridor." She told him, trying to keep her voice calm. "You've come off quite well, considering." He was lucky to be alive. Thank goodness he was alright. "But you've hurt your arms. Can you feel it?"

"Of course I can damn well feel it. Who the hell is firing at us?" She shrugged and he frowned. "Help me up Chapel."

"Not until I check there's no internal injury."

He scowled at her. "Other than a few broken ribs, I'm fine."

Campbell handed her a scanner. "You're in no position to argue."

"Oh, so now you decide you want to be a nurse after all?" He muttered.

She began to scan him, ignoring his bristled comments. Right now she had more important things to be worrying about. "Campbell, see if you can find the doctor some painkillers please."

"I don't need any damned painkillers. How many others are injured?" His eyes were worried as he watched Campbell scout through the wreckage.

"I don't know. Kier's hit her head hard – she's still unconscious, but she's the worst in here. However, from what I saw outside, the casualty count will be high. We'll have to make the best of the space down the corridor." She glanced at her scanner. "Right, you've got six broken ribs, so try not to breathe too deeply. No other internal injuries."

"As I said. Now help me up, damnit."

She obediently helped him to his feet. He swore colourfully as his ribs and arms moved in ways they didn't appreciate, but never cried out. She could feel him trembling as he leant on her heavily shoulder, breathing shallowly and quickly. He looked down at her and for just a moment she appreciated his closeness and the fact he was very much alive as she wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. Thank goodness he was all right.

"Nurse Chapel?" Temple shouted to her from the door.

"Over here."

"Come quickly. They've just brought Commander Spock. He's bad."

"Oh hell."

They moved quickly over the wreckage and out across the corridor. People were sitting against the wall as far as she could see. Doctor Zuvolt was already triaging several of the more seriously injured with the help of Ffoyd outside. Screams and groans followed them as the other nurses ran for medical supplies.

"It's a damned warzone." McCoy muttered, but didn't pause as the moved into the room they usually used as an overflow for sickbay.

Spock was already lying on the table, chest bare and bloody. Seams was hovering over him, attaching neural stimulators, and feeling down the Vulcan's chest.

"He's been stabbed, McCoy. The knife's still in. No response to stimulants. We're going to need to put an airway in."

"Chapel?" McCoy nodded to her and she began to scan him.

"It's punctured a lung and torn his pericardium. There's cardiac tamponade. His heart is failing."

"Damn-." He was cut off as another blast threw them to the ground. Seams had strapped Spock to the trolley and bolted it to the ground, but smacked his head hard against it, and lay unconscious, head bleeding. McCoy had fallen onto outstretched hands, and when she managed to pull herself up she saw that the bone had now pierced his skin in several places.

"Hell." He muttered, face grey. "Seams?"

She was already turning the man over, and scanning. "I don't know." The readings were garbled. She wasn't sure if she hadn't hit her head too.

"Help me up."

She obediently pulled him to his feet. He cried out this time. She could see blood seeping through his uniform.

"Doctor!"

"Not now, Chapel. We need to get that knife out of Spock."

"But your hands."

"You'll have to do it." He told her matter-of-factly.

She felt sick as adrenaline pumped through her veins. "Me? I can't do it. I don't know enough Vulcan anatomy." She protested.

"Chapel, you're the only other one here who knows any Vulcan anatomy. If you don't do it he'll die."

"But-."

"Hylara, get a surgical tray prepped ASAP." He ordered the nurse. "And get Chapel some gloves."

"Yes, doctor."

"McCoy, I can't. I'm not ready for this." She was no surgeon. She couldn't do this.

"No one's ready for this, Chapel, but you're perfectly capable. You need to be my hands."

"But…"

"Hell woman. Stop arguing and get on with it." His shout focused her and with a mind clearer than it had been for days she began to examine the knife in Spock's chest. It was embedded deeply. Her scanner told her that the Vulcan's normally rapid heartbeat was slowing quickly.

"I'm going to have to pull it out. He's in cardiogenic shock - there's no time for damage control. I'll deal with the bleed afterwards." She told him, trying to remember everything he'd taught her. "Hylara, get the suction ready."

She secured her hand tightly around the knife and glanced at the doctor. "I'm right here, Chapel. Do it." He murmured.

She took a deep breath and pulled the knife out in a swift movement. Hylara caught it as green blood began to spurt everywhere. She thrust her fingers into the passage left by the knife to no avail.

"I can't find the tear – there's too much blood."

"Then open him up before he bleeds to death. You're going to have to cleave his sternum." She nodded and incised his skin, then used the saw to cut through his sternum. The sight that met her eyes was so different from normal human anatomy that it momentarily threw her.

"What? I don't know-."

"Focus, Chapel." McCoy replied sharply. She shut her eyes for a second and focused on the Vulcan visuals she had been studying. Then she opened them and began to move tissues out of the way. Blood filled his thorax, but she found the pericardium and felt the tear and assessed it depth.

"It's pierced his heart too." She plugged the hole with her finger and felt his heart rate immediately improve. "Hand me the autosuture Hylara." She sutured the hole. "His heart rate is increasing but he's lost a lot of blood. I'm going to need some fluids."

"Fine – Hylara, go and get Spock's blood from the bank. Now get that lung reinflated Chapel before he becomes hypoxic." McCoy advised her. "Give him some analgesia too – we don't want his blood pressure too high."

She closed him up, repairing the severed blood vessels and healing the broken bones. Then she gave him a hypospray and began to insert a chest drain.

"Good girl." McCoy praised her. "His chest is expanding equally again – his lung is up. Double check the breath sounds."

She wiped her hands and listened to his chest. "They're bilateral." She scanned him. "His sats are improving. I think he's out of danger." Her knees almost buckled when she realised what she had just done. "Oh hell."

"Easy now." He murmured, giving her a smile.

She returned it, the butterflies waking from their hibernation. She'd done it. She'd actually done it. "I can't believe I just did that."

"Of course you did." He met her eyes and smile on his face faded quickly. He looked away. Of course. She was leaving.

"Doctor, I…" She began.

"There's plenty of people that need your help, Chapel."

"Let me have a look at you."

"I'm fine. Has Seams come around?"

She looked down at the older doctor. Hylara was kneeling at his side. "He's beginning to respond." She told them.

"Good. Let's put him on a bed." Together they lifted him onto a trolley and tied him down to protect him from any future blasts.

She turned around and saw that McCoy had gone. She heard his voice echoing down the corridor as he attempted to bring some order in his roundabout way. Good grief - would that man never stop? It was hardly like he could do anything with his injuries. She followed him quickly, grabbing her scanner and the hypospray, and calling to Hylara to keep an eye on the patients in the room.

Other people's injuries called out to her, and she never made it to McCoy as her attention was drawn to those with greater needs. She repaired broken bones and scorched skin, took away pain as best she could and directed the other nurses. Two hours later an engineering team began work on the broken sickbay, and the patient numbers had halved. She finally saw McCoy leaning against the wall of the temporary sickbay, face ashen and eyes shut. He'd strapped up his own arms, she guessed – since none of her nurses would have done that bad a job – and blood was still seeping through. She approached him and gave him a hypospray before he could protest.

"Damn it Chapel. You're meant to get my consent first." He muttered.

"I assumed you were in pain and acted accordingly. Now let me heal your arms."

"No."

"Shall I get Doctor Seams in here to do it?" Seams was notorious for his dated methods of putting broken bones into traction. He often caused more damage than the original wound, and since he hadn't been conscious for long, his coordination would be even worse than normal.

"Damn it, Chapel." He held out his arms and she began to unwrap them. The fractures were nasty but simple.

"You know doctor, you should have let me do this hours ago." She told him, as she pulled his arm downwards hard and pushed the bones into place. He gasped and leant heavily against the wall, sweat beading his face.

"Damn you."

"How many did we lose?" She asked as she then healed the bone and the overlying skin.

"Three I've seen. They were dead when they got here. They'll be others who never made it. Oh HELL." He shouted as she moved his humerus into place. She winced in sympathy and set it quickly.

"Considering the force of the blasts, we were lucky not to have lost more." She commented.

"Lucky? Lucky would have been not being hit in the first place. Damn Romulans."

"How did you know this was Romulan?" She asked as she began to feel down his ribs. She probably could have used a scanner for the same purpose, but she needed to be close to him in case he tried to disappear again.

He gasped as she hit a break. "The knife in Spock's chest had Romulan all over it. We've been carrying a Romulan ambassador for the last few days."

"Really?" She hadn't known that – but then she'd been in her room pretty much since they'd left Exo. "Why would an ambassador want to stab Spock?"

"Hell, I don't know." He swore as she pressed another rib. "Do you have to be so damned violent?"

"This would be easier if you took off your top and I could see." She pointed out.

"Like hell it would. Just heal them."

He was still refusing to look at her. Not even a glance. He was still angry, and it was because she was leaving. She realised suddenly that she hadn't thought about Roger once in the last two hours. She felt a stab of guilt, then something else – relief. In the last two hours, without thinking, she had done things she hadn't thought herself capable of anymore. She treated patients. She had operated on a Vulcan. Roger had said she wasn't fit for it, that she wasn't able, but look what she had done. And McCoy hadn't doubted in her ability for even a second, despite the fact she had told him she wasn't fit for it. Right then he'd known her better than she knew herself. Why was she leaving the one person who believed in and trusted her? What was she doing this for? Good grief, she was a fool.

"You know doctor, the sickbay is a mess. I imagine your office isn't much better."

"Probably not."

"You'll have lost a lot of PADDs."

"What the hell does it matter to you what I've lost, Chapel?" He retorted wearily.

"My resignation will probably be among them."She finished healing his ribs but didn't remove her hand.

"Then you'll need to write another one."

"No, I don't think I will."

He looked at her then, eyes wary. "Why's that?"

She made her decision. For better or worse, they needed one another. "Because you were right. I belong here. At your side."

He swallowed. "So you're staying?"

"Yes, I'm staying." She smiled at him. "I don't dare leave you to terrorise the nurses again."

Without a word he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. She smiled into his chest. Her heart still ached and she was still in pieces but right now she had a stronger grip on herself than ever. He had given her a reason to hold herself together. He was her last piece.

He finally released her, and she noticed that several nurses had come in and were staring at them in mute shock. She supposed McCoy wasn't known for his affection – especially towards her. She blushed, but McCoy apparently hadn't noticed, or didn't care. She found that she didn't particularly mind either.

"You know what you have to do, Chapel?" He murmured, eyes intent on hers.

She nodded. "Yes."

"Good. Hold the fort." He strode out past the other nurses. She knew he was on the way to the bridge.

She busied herself giving the nurses assignments and treating the last of the patients. Six hours later she finally returned to her quarters and sat down at her desk. She was staying. She was under no false pretentions as to why. And she knew what she had to do.

"Computer, open folder 2879. Password Andrea."

The images flashed before her. Roger. Pictures of the man she had once loved.

"Computer, delete file." With a beep, she let Roger go.


	22. Chapter 11 The Pieces McCoy

11. The Pieces – McCoy

Years ago, McCoy had promised himself that he would never again be distracted by a woman that wasn't his patient. Oh, he might enjoy someone's company for a night, be intrigued, or even attracted, but he would never be distracted from his work. However, since meeting Christine Chapel he had failed miserably. She had distracted him at first by the fact that she hadn't been intimidated by him in the slightest, then by her mind, and finally by his own feelings for her. But last night had proven to be the greatest distraction yet. Because she had finally shown herself to him, and he had walked away. Now he couldn't focus because that broken face and the memory of her crying in his arms wouldn't leave his mind. He was furious because no one had listened to him, and because of it she had been hurt. He ached for her because he knew how much it took to make Chapel break. He was frustrated at himself because he still didn't know whether not kissing her had been the right thing to do. And worse of all he was terrified that he wouldn't know now how to fix her. So now his interim report was going to be late because today, despite holding it in his hands for several hours, he lacked the capacity to focus on anything other than her.

There was a knock at his door and to his surprise in she walked. "Chapel?" He knew he would have to dismiss her back to her quarters, but couldn't deny he was pleased to see her. "I thought I told you to take the day off?"

He noticed now that her face was ashen, and that she was shaking slightly. Nevertheless her voice was calm. "I came to give you this, doctor."

A PADD? His accepted it with a frown. "What is it?"

"My resignation."

"Your _what_?" Oh hell. She wanted to leave. His heart dropped through his stomach and he immediately wanted to shake some sense into her. It was that broken look in her eyes that stopped him. She was hurting because of what Korby had done to her. He sighed. It was natural she would react like this. "Sit down Chapel."

She sat down slowly, watching him warily. "You know it's necessary, doctor." There was an edge in her voice.

"Don't tell me what I know." He folded his arms. She needed him to be her doctor now. He couldn't let her down. "Tell me why you want to leave."

"I'm not fit to practise anymore." Her voice trembled slightly. He wondered what it had taken for her to admit that to him. But of course she wasn't fit at the moment. She'd killed someone she cared about yesterday.

He couldn't help but shrug. "So you need time. No one expects you to come back to work right away."

"I can't come back to work at all." She said it so firmly it made him panic. Hell, she was serious. She wasn't just here to be contradicted and reassured like he had expected. He struggled to keep the fear from his voice.

"Damn it Chapel. Listen, I know what happened hurt you, but this isn't going to help."

"I made you a promise once that if I thought what I was feeling would interfere with my work I would tell you. This is me telling you."

His heart froze. Oh hell. As her CMO he would have to report her and officially stand her down. Starfleet might insist on her decommission. He glanced down at her PADD. That was what she was requesting anyway – on psychological grounds. This was thought through. "So you've made up your mind that you're going to leave?" She really wanted to. Didn't she know what that would do to him?

"Yes."

"And go where? And do what?"

"I don't know." For a moment she looked incredibly young and helpless. Korby's words echoed in his mind – how she needed guidance. They made him angry even as they made sense.

"Listen. I understand that you don't feel able to perform your duties, but hell, that's no reason to do something drastic."

"You don't understand. I need to be away from this ship." And from him? Was that how she felt?

"No you don't. You need to be around people that care about you." He met her eyes firmly. He wasn't going to let her go like this. "I refuse to accept your resignation. You're not in your right mind. It's too soon."

"If you don't, I'll take it to the captain. He will accept it." She wasn't serious? She was actually going to take it over his head? He didn't doubt that Jim would take it. His panic grew more acute.

"Damn it. Chapel, you're allowing Korby to beat you."

"This has nothing to do with Roger."

"The hell it doesn't." Of course it did. He had never seen even a flicker of doubt in her own abilities until Korby had come onto the ship.

"I _killed_ someone, doctor." Her voice was harsh and full of self-loathing.

"In defence of your captain."

"I still did it. I should have done something – I should have stopped it earlier. And now he's dead." He understood why she was struggling with the action, but he needed her to see sense.

"He was insane. Damn it, he wanted to enslave the human race Chapel." Under the same circumstances he would have pulled that trigger.

She sighed and shut her eyes as if it pained her to keep them open. "Doctor, I don't know who I am anymore." She whispered brokenly. Hell. This was what Korby had done to her. He wouldn't let him win.

"Well I know who you are." He told her desperately. "You are a damned good nurse. You're kind and understanding and everyone wants to be around you. You make people do their best. You've turned this sickbay upside down. You belong here, at my side." When she shook her head it felt like a blow. He'd all but told her that he was in love with her, and still she wouldn't listen. He hit the table in frustration. "Hell Chapel, I know you. You don't run away."

There was hurt in her eyes. "Clearly you don't know me at all. I've spent my whole life running away."

The hell she had. She would have refused to see Korby again if she did. "Well now is a good time to stop. We're your family now – you said it yourself."

"It's not about that." Then what the hell was this about? Had he brought her so low that she was determined to hurt herself?

"Damn it. You're allowing him to beat you."

"No I'm not. I'm trying to do what's best."

"What's best? How the hell can you think that this is what's best?" She had nothing and no one off this ship. Why would she do this? Had he pushed her into it when he had left her last night? Damn it.

"Because it is. I appreciate that this leaves you in a difficult position for a head nurse, but Temple can fill that post for a while and-."

"Damn the nurses, Chapel. This isn't what this is about." This was about her leaving him. Couldn't she see he needed her? Hell, she needed him too, she was just too blind to see that.

"Then please tell me what you think this is about." She sounded tired.

"This is about you punishing yourself because you blame yourself for Korby's death. Because he put you in an impossible position knowing full well that either choice that you'd make would break you. Because that was the sort of man he was."

"Don't talk about him like you knew him." There was surprising heat in her voice and he felt suddenly hopeful and leant closer.

"So you have unresolved feelings. You don't understand him, or what he's done, and he died and you're angry because you have unanswered questions that you'll never find out the answers to now. I know Chapel. But this is what he wanted to do to you. Don't you see? He never wanted you to be a nurse – or a doctor. Don't throw that away now." He watched a mixture of emotions pass through her eyes and for a second his heart raised in hope. But then that resolved look was back. The same one she had entered with.

"I'll leave the ship when we reach Onus. I can catch a ship from there back to Earth."

He sat back. She was really going to leave. It was Caroline all over again. It was worse than that, because Caroline had at least been his own fault and he'd had some time with her. He thought he might be sick. "Chapel – I'm asking you not to do this." Hell, she was making him beg – and he was willing to if it meant she would stay. He couldn't lose her.

She smiled at him with finality. "I know we haven't always got along, doctor, but I just want to say that I've enjoyed working with you. You'll manage fine without me. You'll forget I was ever here."

He stood up so hard at the insult that his chair crashed to the floor. "Hell, is that what you think?" Good grief, what would it take for her to see that he cared?

"Goodbye, Doctor McCoy."

"Christine… Please…" He tried again, but it was too late. She was already turning. She would leave him - no matter what he said, he wasn't worth staying for. His hurt turned into anger as he watched her close the door and he threw the piles of PADDs off his desk. What the hell did they matter? What the hell did anything matter anymore? He picked up her resignation and threw it against the wall, then put his head in his shaking hands.

His fury grew until he thought it might explode from him. When he could take no more he picked up her PADD from the floor and stormed from the sickbay. This was Jim's fault – all of it. And he was going to damn well make it right.

Jim was in conversation with Scott when he entered, but broke it off immediately when he saw his face. He thrust the PADD at him wordlessly.

"Would you excuse us, Scotty?"

"Aye, sir." The man backed out, shooting him worried looks. He clearly thought that he might punch the captain. He wasn't sure that he wouldn't.

"Bones, what the hell do you think you're doing? And what's this?" Jim frowned up at him.

"It's her damned resignation."

"Her… Chapel's?"

"Who else's?"

"And you're here because you think this is my fault."

"Damned right it's your fault. I told you if she got hurt I'd hold you responsible Jim. I tried to warn you, but you damn well didn't listen to me. So now you're going to make this right."

"Bones, I'm not sure-."

"If she leaves I'm not staying." He couldn't run a sickbay without her. Hell, he wasn't sure if he could be on this ship without her. He'd only been staying because Jim was his friend.

Jim sighed. "What makes you think that she'll even listen to me?"

"Because you're her captain and her friend. Because she just shot the man she loved to protect you." Because she cared for Jim more than she would ever care for him.

Jim was shaking her head. "Resigning isn't really her way. Are you sure she's serious?"

"Do you think I'd be here if I thought she wasn't?"

"Frankly, yes. You tend not to see clearly when it comes to her."

"The hell I don't. You weren't there with her last night when she broke. Christine Chapel in pieces because she was forced to do something that was too much for anyone."

Jim was looking at him carefully. "If she's had a breakdown Bones, are you sure that her remaining on this ship is a good idea?"

The fury almost overwhelmed him and he had to clench his teeth. "Because you're my friend, Jim, I'm not going to hit you."

"I'm asking because I need to know that being on this ship is the right thing for her." He argued, unintimidated. "If it were anyone else you would tell me that there are specialists back on Earth that we can't provide here, that being on a ship like this could do more damage than good. Don't confuse your own need for her with what's right."

His heart cried out. Was he being selfish, keeping her here? If she was anyone else, and he was the CMO, what would he do? Hell, he knew what he would do. "We're all she has, Jim. There's nothing back on Earth for her except memories and regret. She's lost enough. We can't let her lose this too."

"It's her decision."

"She's not in her right mind. Damn it Jim, I swear I'll hold her on the mental health act if I have to."

"So you'll incarcerate her against her will, and then what? Do you think that's going to help her, Bones?"

He shook his head because he honestly didn't know. He was simply desperate. He didn't know what else to do.

Jim was looking at him sympathetically. "It's not personal, Bones. Stop trying to make it so. She's not Caroline."

Damn, it was personal. "Last night, Jim…" If he'd kissed her would she still be leaving? He couldn't meet his friend's eyes.

"Hell Bones. You slept with her?" The captain sounded surprised and slightly impressed.

"No." Not that he hadn't wanted to.

"Well then what?"

"It doesn't matter."

Jim watched him a moment longer, then sighed. "Fine. I'll speak to her. But if you couldn't convince her to stay, I doubt I can."

He nodded and walked out of his room.

Several hours later Jim walked into his office carrying a large bottle of whiskey. He knew what that meant.

"So she's still leaving." There was finality in those words. His anger had subsided into sickening pain. He knew now that he would have to let her go. He wouldn't respect himself if he tried anything else.

"I'm sorry, Bones." There was guilt in his eyes. "But she'd made up her mind." He poured them both a drink and he downed it sagely. "You're probably right to blame me."

He shook his head. "It's too late to blame anyone now." The only person who was really to blame was Korby, and he was dead. He'd won, just like he said he would. Even in death, she was constant to him.

"Maybe you should just tell her you love her." Jim suggested.

He shook his head. "It wouldn't make any difference, Jim." He'd told her what he really thought of her, and she hadn't even stirred. Like it or not, she didn't care enough for him to want to stay. Saying those three words wouldn't change anything.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He was sure.

"Hell Bones." Jim looked sympathetic. Well he didn't want sympathy right now.

"Stop that Kirk. Pour me another drink and talk about something else."

Jim smiled and poured it for him. "Well, you know that Romulan ambassador docked with us?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, it turns out he's an unpleasant sort of chap. Has it in for Spock too, it would seem." He began to tell him the stories of his past murder attempts on the Vulcan and he found himself laughing, although whether it was out of humour or bitterness he couldn't say as he grew steadily drunk.

Two days had past. Two days in which he hadn't seen head nor hair of Chapel. He spent most of the time in his office, staring at the walls. It was pathetic really – he told himself so at every opportunity. But that didn't change the ache in his chest or the fact she was leaving. He would never see that smile of hers again - the one that made him feel something in the pit of his stomach and want to kiss her. Or those icy eyes, boring into his when she was angry. Or that damned list that she carried around with her like a body part. Or those legs of hers-.

A knock at the door broke his reverie. "Come." His heart rose hopefully, even now.

Zuvolt put his head around the door. "Doctor, there's a patient out here I think you should look at." Of course there was. He scowled and followed him out of the room wordlessly.

The ensign was young and was sitting on the bed with bloody hands.

"Name?"

"Ensign Julie Powell sir." She squeaked her response. It irritated him.

"How did you do this?"

"It's a rope burn, Doctor." Zuvolt answered for her. He raised his eyebrows. Zuvolt had asked him here to look at a rope burn? Surely even he wasn't that incompetent? "I thought you might be more interested in a few other things." He looked at the patient with emphasis – a look he must have learnt from Chapel, and he noticed now the bruising around her neck. It didn't look like rope marks. Someone had tried to strangle her.

"Exactly how did you get the burns, Powell?" He asked, attempting to be mild. Hell, this was when he needed her. She always knew what to say to get the story out.

"I came down the rope too quickly during my circuit." She said.

"And the marks around your neck?"

"I fell." She said it very quickly. Far too quickly to be convincing really. He exchanged a glance with Zuvolt. This was the young doctor's forte really, not his.

"Indeed. Are you sure? Because I'm not sure what type of fall creates marks like that."

"I'm sure." She whispered. Her eyes filled with tears. Oh hell. Now he was going to have to find out who was trying to strangle one of the ensigns, and why she was too scared to tell.

"Well, my colleague will take some pictures of the marks – it's just routine, don't worry – and then we'll get you sorted out. And if you want to tell us anything else, we're here."

She nodded mutely, eyes on the floor. She wasn't going to say anything. He knew fear when he saw it.

He turned away, Zuvolt with him. "That was a good call. Keep a close eye on her – watch her for any signs of self-injury. What department's she from?"

"Communication."

"Fine. We'll go and talk to her supervisor later and make sure they keep a close eye on her. Someone gave her those marks. Try and see if everything's ok in her-."

The blast threw him from his feet. Zuvolt was thrown across the room, and an equipment trolley stopped him from doing the same.

"Damn it." He pulled himself to his feet as the ship lurched and trolleys fell. The room flashed red. He noticed that the ensign was lying under the trolley now, eyes shut and made his way across to her. Her eyes flickered open when he got there and he pulled the trolley off her.

"Kier." He shouted to the closest nurse.

"Yes doctor."

"Move Ensign Powell somewhere safe." He needed to get in contact with the bridge.

"Yes sir." The nurse helped the other woman to her feet.

A scream of metalwork gave him warning of another blast and he pushed the women as hard as he could as the world collapsed around him. And then nothing.

"McCoy, you need to open your eyes right now." Every part of him hurt and he would have been quite happy to go back to sleep, but the voice was familiar and persistent. "_Now_, Doctor."

He groaned and opened his eyes slowly. There was smoke – lots of smoke, and the room was lit only by the red alert beams. And there she was, bending over him, fear in her eyes.

"Chapel? What the hell?" There was wreckage everywhere. The ceiling must have collapsed on him. He met her eyes. They looked darker in the red light. He tried to sit up and she helped him, hands firmly on his shoulders as he struggled to control the pain in his chest. "What happened?"

"There was a direct hit to sickbay. We're moving everyone down the corridor." She sounded calm and controlled. She always did in such situations. She gave him a small smile that belied her worry. "You've come off quite well, considering. But you've hurt your arms. Can you feel it?"

"Of course I can damn well feel it." They felt like red hot pokers. "Who the hell is firing at us?" She shrugged her ignorance. "Help me up Chapel."

"Not until I check there's no internal injury."

Good grief – there were more important things to worry about right now. "Other than a few broken ribs, I'm fine."

Campbell appeared and handed her a scanner. "You're in no position to argue." She said firmly.

He bristled. Why exactly had she decided to come back? "Oh, so now you decide you want to be a nurse after all?"

She ignored him. "Campbell, see if you can find the doctor some painkillers please."

"I don't need any damned painkillers." He lied. Campbell walked off anyway and began to root through the wreckage. He tried to distract himself from the beep of the scanner. It was a direct hit. Hell, he hoped no one was dead. It must have breached the hull. "How many others are injured?"

"I don't know. Kier's hit her head hard – she's still unconscious, but she's the worst in here. However, from what I saw outside, the casualty count will be high. We'll have to make the best of the space down the corridor." So she had already taken charge again? Thank goodness. He needed someone who could think clearly. "Right, you've got six broken ribs, so try not to breathe too deeply. No other internal injuries."

"As I said." Hell, he was a doctor after all. "Now help me up, damnit."

The pain in his chest and arm was so bad he saw spots and almost swayed, but it passed when he stood still, leaning on Chapel and gasping for breath. He looked down at her and she smiled and snaked an arm around his waist to steady him. Hell, he loved this woman.

"Nurse Chapel?" One of the nurses was shouting from the broken door.

"Over here." She shouted her reply.

"Come quickly. They've just brought Commander Spock. He's bad."

"Oh hell." He muttered. She helped him over the wreckage and out of the door. Outside there were patients everywhere – sitting against the walls, lying on the floor, holding one another up. There was so much noise it was almost overwhelming – screaming and crying and shouts amongst the smoke. Some of the nurses were taking names and triaging, and Zuvolt looked like he was doing something independently for once. Although there were several people he wanted to stop for he made himself keep moving.

"It's a damned warzone." He muttered to Chapel. She made no reply but he knew she agreed. He needed to see to Spock. Considering the state of patients here, if the nurse had said he was bad, he must be pretty bad.

They made it to the temporary sickbay. Spock was already laid out on a table in the middle. Hell he looked bad – the knife poking out from his chest didn't help the situation. Seams was hovering over the man, but looked hesitant. None of them had that much experience of Vulcans.

"He's been stabbed, McCoy. The knife's still in. No response to stimulants. We're going to need to put an airway in."

"Chapel?" She was already reaching out to scan him as Seams began to secure his airway. He went to assess him manually, but the pain in his arms stopped him. Damn, damn, damn.

"It's punctured a lung and torn his pericardium. There's cardiac tamponade. His heart is failing." Chapel reported calmly. Oh hell, he was going to die if they didn't act quickly.

"Damn-." Another blast threw them to the ground. He saw Seams hit the corner of the table, but all thought was pushed from his mind when his fell onto his hands and pain seared through him as bone punctured skin. He turned himself over and off his broken ribs before he punctured a lung.

"Hell." He gasped. He assured himself that Chapel was alright. She was already up and turning over the unconscious elderly doctor. "Seams?"

She shook her head, frowning at the readings. "I don't know."

"Help me up." He couldn't help but shout as she pulled him to his feet. One of his ribs had definitely pierced his skin, along with his wrist. He tried not to vomit.

"Doctor!"

"Not now, Chapel. We need to get that knife out of Spock."

"But your hands."

"You'll have to do it." There was no question. Right now she was the only one on this ship capable of saving him. She'd never be able to heal his hands in time for him to do it.

"Me? I can't do it. I don't know enough Vulcan anatomy." She had turned pale.

"Chapel, you're the only other one here who knows any Vulcan anatomy. If you don't do it he'll die."

"But-."

"Hylara, get a surgical tray prepped ASAP. And get Chapel some gloves."

"Yes, doctor."

"McCoy, I can't. I'm not ready for this." She looked panicked, eyes wide.

"No one's ready for this, Chapel, but you're perfectly capable." Hell, he didn't know anyone more capable then her. "You need to be my hands."

"But…"

Time was running out. "Hell woman. Stop arguing and get on with it." She frowned at him, but calmly began to examine the knife in the Vulcan's chest.

"I'm going to have to pull it out. He's in cardiogenic shock - there's no time for damage control. I'll deal with the bleed afterwards." She told him firmly. He almost smiled. She already sounded like a surgeon.

"Hylara, get the suction ready." He ordered.

She took hold of the knife in steady hands, but then hesitated. There was still that seed of doubt in her mind. He met her eyes. "I'm right here, Chapel. Do it."

She pulled the knife out in a sure, fluid movement and dropped it into the pail Hylara offered. Spock bled out hard and he saw her begin to panic as she reached up through the wound.

"I can't find the tear – there's too much blood." She was definitely panicking. Oh hell.

"Then open him up before he bleeds to death. You're going to have to cleave his sternum." There was no time for a less invasive method. She didn't have the experience to do anything more subtle quickly.

She nodded resolutely and accepted the scalpel Hylara offered her, then sawed through his sternum. The mess that met them beneath the bone would have thrown even him.

"What? I don't know-." She stammered.

"Focus, Chapel." He said sharply. They didn't have time for her to lose it. He watched her shut her eyes, centring herself, then opened them with a determined look in her eye. She cut through tissue and moved organs until she found his heart and the surrounding pericardium. She assessed it quickly.

"It's pierced his heart too." She told him calmly. "Hand me the autosuture Hylara." She brought it in with her, then glanced at the fallen monitor. "His heart rate is increasing but he's lost a lot of blood. I'm going to need some fluids."

"Fine." He agreed. "Hylara, go and get Spock's blood from the bank. Now get that lung reinflated Chapel before he becomes hypoxic. Give him some analgesia too – we don't want his blood pressure too high."

She closed him quickly but deftly, then began to insert a chest drain to allow the lung to reinflate. He watched Spock carefully and was relieved when that greenish tinge began again to appear in his face. "Good girl. His chest is expanding equally again – his lung is up. Double check the breath sounds."

"They're bilateral." She scanned him to make sure. "His sats are improving. I think he's out of danger." She looked stunned, and gripped the table suddenly. Clearly she had just realised the enormity of the procedure she'd just carried out. "Oh hell."

He smiled. "Easy now." That had been, quite frankly, astonishing. Half the surgeons he knew would have struggled to have done such a procedure like that without proper support and equipment. She was smiling back at him and he reminded himself that hugging her would probably cause him to pass out. Hell, but he shouldn't have expected anything less from her.

"I can't believe I just did that." She sounded staggered.

"Of course you did." She was going to be one hell of a doctor. But then he remembered she wasn't. She was leaving, and wasting that natural talent of hers. He looked away because looking at what he was about to lose was worse pain than any injury.

"Doctor, I…" She began. He didn't want to hear it.

"There's plenty of people that need your help, Chapel."

"Let me have a look at you."

"I'm fine. Has Seams come around?" He needed to get away from her.

"He's beginning to respond." Hylara told them.

Chapel nodded. "Good. Let's put him on a bed." He turned and walked out.

Zuvolt was examining a man with a head injury down the corridor. "Doctor McCoy?" He glanced at his arms and looked slightly sickened.

"Zuvolt. I need you to bandage me up so I can work."

"Maybe you should get them healed, doctor…" He commented slowly.

"Seams' unconscious and Chapel's busy. Just do your best."

Apparently they didn't teach basic bandaging at medical school anymore, because his best wasn't very good. It didn't matter much though. At least he wasn't bleeding everywhere and the breaks were stationary. They hurt like hell, but he could deal with that. He got to work, doing what he could with his limited mobility. He could still use the fingers in his right hand, and most of his patients were capable of holding things for him. It was mostly broken bones, the odd collapsed lung, first and second degree burns. Nothing that made him need to find Chapel again. He could hear her further up the corridor organising everyone in that gentle voice of hers, calming down the distress patients, healing whoever she could. What was he going to do without her? The thought was positively terrifying.

A couple of hours later he had to stop. The pain in his arms had subsided to a dull ache, but his ribs screamed with every damn step. He leant against the wall of the temporary sickbay and willed himself to stay conscious. There was still a sea of patients out there and he needed to get to the bridge and find out what the hell was going on.

A sharp sting in his neck forced his eyes open. "Damn it Chapel. You're meant to get my consent first." The reproach was only half-hearted – the dulling of the pain was wonderful.

"I assumed you were in pain and acted accordingly." She frowned at him. "Now let me heal your arms."

There was no way he could let her be close to him again – not if he wanted to survive on this ship after she had gone. "No."

"Shall I get Doctor Seams in here to do it?" Her voice was mild but she folded her arms. Hell, she would too.

"Damn it, Chapel." He held out his arms and she began to unwrap them gently. He watched her face – those clear blue eyes and her lips pursed in concentration. Her cheeks were smeared with dirt and green blood – her uniform matched it. She clearly didn't care in the slightest. It was something he loved about her – that complete lack of vanity. She had no idea at all how beautiful she was. She always became uncomfortable when patients commented on it. Good grief, he needed to stop looking at her before he broke and tried to beg her to stay again.

"You know doctor, you should have let me do this hours ago." She pulled his arm downwards hard and pushed the bones into place. He gasped as spots ran into his eyes. He thought he might pass out.

"Damn you."

"How many did we lose?" Her voice was still calm and conversational. Was she enjoying hurting him? This was probably revenge for not allowing her to do it earlier. At least she was quick.

"Three I've seen. They were dead when they got here. They'll be others who never made it." She snapped his humerus into place. "Oh HELL." He thought he might vomit. It would be her own fault if he threw up on her.

"Considering the force of the blasts, we were lucky not to have lost more." She commented mildly.

"Lucky? Lucky would have been not being hit in the first place. Damn Romulans." His arms were now blissfully painfree and she was assessing his chest.

"How did you know this was Romulan?" Her hands on his chest were distracting. He wondered why she wasn't using the scanner. Not that he really wanted her to.

He gasped as she pressed on the broken edge. He leant harder against the wall. "The knife in Spock's chest had Romulan all over it. We've been carrying a Romulan ambassador for the last few days." One who had a rather large grudge against the Vulcan. It occurred to him that Uhura was probably going mad with worry. He definitely needed to go to the bridge.

"Really? Why would an ambassador want to stab Spock?"

"Hell, I don't know." He could probably think of several reasons. He swore as she pressed another rib hard. That surely was deliberate? "Do you have to be so damned violent?"

"This would be easier if you took off your top and I could see." She probably had a point, but there was no way he was standing half naked in front of her while she continued to torture him.

"Like hell it would. Just heal them."

She continued in silence. Finally she spoke again, more hesitant than before. "You know doctor, the sickbay is a mess. I imagine your office isn't much better."

"Probably not." He wasn't going to enjoy clearing that up.

"You'll have lost a lot of PADDs."

"What the hell does it matter to you what I've lost, Chapel?" He tried to keep the bitterness from his voice, but didn't entirely succeed. She was leaving. Why the hell didn't she start acting like it?

"My resignation will probably be among them." Damn it. Well he probably should have expected that. More the fool him for thinking she would care. Her hand was still on his chest, though she had finished. He wondered if she was trying to comfort him or whether she was trying to stop him walking away. Most likely the latter.

He reminded himself that it was too late for anything now. He had to respect her decision. Because he loved her, if nothing else. "Then you'll need to write another one."

"No, I don't think I will."

That made him look at her. Her eyes were intent on his. What did that mean?

"Why's that?" He didn't dare hope.

"Because you were right. I belong here. At your side."

His heart stopped and he tried to look for the truth in those eyes. Hell, please say he was getting this right. He swallowed hard. "So you're staying?"

"Yes, I'm staying." She gave him that smile. "I don't dare leave you to terrorise the nurses again."

He didn't try and stop himself. He pulled her towards him and hugged her. He'd never felt more relief in his life. She hugged him back tightly, taking care of his bruised ribs. She smelled of pear drops and smoke and blood. She was staying. She wasn't leaving him. She was going to be a doctor. Korby had failed. Oh hell, thank goodness she wasn't leaving him.

He released her eventually and looked down at her. She was blushing slightly – probably due to the fact that several of the nurses were watching them. Well let them watch. He hadn't done anything he was ashamed of.

"You know what you have to do, Chapel?" She needed to lay Roger Korby to rest. His hold on her was over now.

"Yes." He knew she knew exactly what he'd meant and smiled at her. He loved her. Hell for better or worse he loved Christine Chapel.

"Good. Hold the fort." He had duties to perform and someone was going to have to be the voice of reason on the bridge. She would be here, making sure that all was right. He trusted no one else like he did her. With a final look he left her there and went to right the world.


	23. Chapter 12 The Vaccine Christine

_Ok – here's the chapter you've all been waiting for. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster. Forgive me for not putting the chapters up together, but it's pretty long and I thought you might rather have this one earlier, rather than having to wait to read them together. Thanks for reading and please review and let me know what you think!_

12. The Vaccine – Christine

_Chapel,_

_I need you for an away mission tomorrow to Brinda V. Please find attached a list of equipment I need you to organise. We are leaving by transporter at 0800 tomorrow. Pack a bag._

_Yours,_

_Dr L. McCoy_

_Chief Medical Officer_

Her buzzer woke her and she opened her eyes with a frown. Who wanted her at 0700? She had been late to bed the previous night trying to organise the equipment they would need today and when her alarm had gone off she had struggled to get up. Trust McCoy to spring such a request on her an hour before the end of her shift. The buzzer sounded again and she forced herself out of bed and opened the door.

Uhura and Gaila smiled at her and she had to rub her eyes to check she wasn't dreaming. "What are you doing here? Are you all right?"

Uhura laughed. "We're fine. But we wanted to see you before you left."

She smiled at them both. "Come on in. What can I do for you?"

Uhura gave her an amused look. "We wanted to wish you happy birthday, Christine."

It was her birthday? She'd forgotten – these days she struggled to remember the date. This was embarrassing.

"That is – you do celebrate birthdays don't you?" Gaila was looking confused at her expression. "Uhura tried to tell me that most Humans do, but it sounded a little odd to me. Of all the things to celebrate, that wouldn't be my choice – maybe a day of first consummation or-."

"Gaila!" Uhura interrupted sternly.

She laughed. She'd missed the pair's good-natured bickering. "Uhura's right - we do. I'd just forgotten." In truth she hadn't celebrated such an occasion in years, but didn't want to add to the Orion's bewilderment. "But you didn't have to get up this early just to do this."

"We wanted to. We haven't seen you in a while and just wanted to check you were ok." Uhura's eyes were searching hers and she felt immediately guilty.

"I'm sorry. I've been an awful friend recently." Since shore leave she'd probably only seen the pair a handful of times, and never for any length of time.

"You were busy – don't worry, we understand." Uhura reassured her.

"We did miss you though." Gaila added. "That's why we wanted to come. Just don't ask how we found out your birthdate."

She narrowed her eyes. That was a good point – her file was classified. Just how had they found out? She'd certainly never told them.

"How_ did_ you find out, Gaila?" She knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't have mentioned it if she hadn't wanted her to find out.

Gaila grinned. "Scotty turned a blind eye while I hacked your medical file."

She glanced at Uhura, who gave her an amused look, then read between the lines. "Wait – you and Scotty…?"

"Yep. Since shore leave." Gaila was looking positively gleeful, and even Uhura was grinning.

"You mean your plan actually worked?" She honestly hadn't expected that.

"No – actually it failed miserably, but then I wrote a pretty nifty program to stop all those phasers shooting the Enterprise when they tried to scan those caves on Polaris, and Scotty kissed me when it worked."

Christine laughed. She couldn't help it – the Orion looked so pleased with herself. "Wow. That's amazing! So you're happy then?"

Gaila beamed. "Mostly. Although he's moved me under Chekov so that he's not my senior officer, and I'm going to lose my mind if that boy mentions Russia one more time."

Uhura laughed aloud. "Well, you asked for it."

Gaila stuck her tongue out at her. "Laugh all you want. Let's just say I was right about engineer's imaginations and you're missing out…"

Uhura rolled her eyes. "Let's just hope that McCoy doesn't find out what you did because he'll certainly be imaginative when he murders you."

Christine frowned. The last time someone had hacked into the medical files the doctor had been furious. She had better check Gaila hadn't left any trace of herself behind.

"Anyhow, we got you something Christine." Gaila added and handed her a parcel.

She took the parcel with a blush. "Thank you. You didn't have to…"

"We know." Uhura smiled. "But we thought you could do with it."

She opened it and blue fluid material flowed out of its confines. She was suddenly speechless, a lump coming to her throat.

"We knew you didn't have time to go shopping last shore leave, so we decided to get a dress for you." Gaila explained. "Uhura chose the colour, but I chose the rest."

Uhura was watching her. "No one can size up someone like Gaila. Do you like it? I thought the colour would match your eyes."

Christine smiled. She couldn't believe it. She didn't deserve friends like these. "I love it. This is… amazing. No one has brought me something like this before."

"Don't mention it. Now we'd better go and let you get ready."

She hugged them both. "Thank you. I mean it."

Uhura laughed softly. "That's what friends are for."

She showed them out then hung up the dress, stroking down its folds. No one had ever brought her a dress before and it looked perfect, but she didn't have the time to try it on now. She quickly showered and dressed, then picked up her list and pack and made her way to the transporter room.

McCoy was already there when she arrived, pacing up and down in the limited space. He looked pale and slightly nauseous and scowled when she arrived. "Finally, Chapel. Where have you been?"

She smiled at him. She was ten minutes early and he was probably only worried about transporting. She ignored him. "Have you checked that everything's there?" She indicated to the pile of boxes ready for transport.

"Yes it's all there."

"Good. Are you going to tell me what we're going to be doing?"

He frowned. "I thought I had."

She returned his frown. That was rather typical of him. "No, although I deduce from the equipment we need that there's been an outbreak of some sort."

He nodded, eyes on her. "A new virus."

He looked more concerned than normal. They'd dealt with several viruses in the past. "Is it aggressive?"

"A hundred thousand have been killed on a single continent in the last month. That's why they've requested our help."

Such a large loss of life in such a short time... "How technologically advanced are the Brindi?"

"They're over two hundred years behind us."

"Do they know the source?"

"Not yet, so we're going to have to stay down there. I won't risk contaminating the ship."

She nodded. That made sense. "And us?"

"I think it's unlikely to mutate to cross-species so quickly, especially if it's airbourne. We should be fine. But if you'd rather not come…?"

"Of course I'm coming." She assured him. "The quicker we find a cure the better." He gave her that half-smile and she tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She turned as the captain and Spock walked in. "All set Bones?" Jim gave them both a smile.

"As I'll ever be." The doctor responded with a frown.

"I'm glad you're going with him, Christine. He was going down alone until last night. He'd probably work himself to death."

"Indeed it was highly illogical." Spock added. "I believe it is a Human euphemism of 'many hands make light work'. My offer still stands, doctor, if you would like my assistance."

McCoy rolled his eyes and she almost laughed at the expression on his face. "Spock, if I find a need for that computer of a brain of yours, I'll be sure to have you beam down. But since you have no experience in virology, I'm sure Chapel and I will manage."

"Very well."

Kirk moved behind the control panel. "We'll be in communicator range if you need anything. Keep us updated with your progress."

"Fine. Try and keep this ship out of trouble while I'm gone."

Jim chuckled. "I'll do my best."

She followed him onto the transporter pad and hoped she'd remembered to pack everything she'd need. How did you prepare for a mission like this? She wasn't even sure what the climate was like down there, and he hadn't given her very long to think about it. She always kept a basic pack ready, and she supposed he would have warned her if they were going down to a volatile situation. But then he'd seemed so distracted recently that maybe not.

"Energise." The faces of Jim and Spock disappeared and an image of the sea reprinted itself on her eyes.

They were standing on a beach that stretched on for miles in both directions. It was hot, and the sun was warm on her back, making her smile. It was abandoned other than them, and for a moment she wondered if they'd come down to the right place.

"Hell." The doctor was leaning on his knees, and for a moment she thought he might vomit.

"Are you ok?"

"I've just had my atoms scattered across space, Chapel. What do you think?"

She sighed looked out across the ocean while he pulled himself together. "It's a beautiful here." She commented. She hadn't seen this much water in an awfully long time. It made her want to run into it like a child.

McCoy stood up straight and wiped his mouth with a trembling hand. "The coast is the best part of this continent. It's all jungle further inland."

"You've been here before?"

"Twice." He didn't allow her to ask any questions. "Come on, we're not here for the scenery."

She followed him up the beach and towards the treeline. She didn't doubt he'd been here before when he led them to a path almost immediately and they walked through a shaded canopy for a few moments before she saw the building.

It was a single storey, white-washed and fairly large, nestled in with the trees. He showed no hesitation when he approached the main door and knocked resolutely.

The Humanoid that opened the door was large and dark-skinned, with a shock of white hair. He took them both in slowly, then smiled.

"Leonard McCoy." His voice was surprisingly soft for his size.

"Kriukis." He returned the smile with surprising warmth and Christine realised they must know each other.

"You are not alone." The man observed slowly, and gave her a penetrating look with eyes so dark they looked black. She almost wanted to flinch from their gaze, but made herself hold it.

"She can be trusted, Kriukis. She's my head nurse." She frowned. Was there a reason why he needed to be reassured she could be trusted?

"I see. Well come in. Your equipment?"

"Being beamed onto the beach."

"I will send Kovas down for it."

She followed him in somewhat hesitantly. The main room was a large lab – albeit somewhat primitive. There was several naked flames burning under bubbling glass equipment, clear plastic sheeting hanging from the ceiling to prevent cross-contamination, and a few old-fashioned microscopes. She was glad they'd brought their equipment now.

"Have you made any progress?" McCoy asked with a frown at the archaic equipment.

"I've ruled out airbourne and faeco-oral spread. I'm still waiting for the results of my water samples."

"And the government?"

Kriukis frowned and glanced uneasily at her again. "They've got a few teams working on it with no success. They're trying their best to cover up the problem. There's a blanket-ban on the media and security at the hospitals is tight. They seem to think that if they just ignore it, it will run its course."

"Damned idiots. I assume you'd be in serious trouble if they found out I was here?"

"They may overlook it if they had a cure."

"We'd best get to it then."

McCoy immediately began to pull down drapes and switch off flames as Kriukis watched, looking slightly amused. She put down her bag and went to help him, eyeing him with a frown. When they had the chance to talk he had some serious explaining to do.

A young man came in carrying several of their boxes with his obviously massive strength. He put them down on the floor, then looked up, wiping the sweat from his dark eyes. He fixed on McCoy immediately.

"Doctor McCoy?"

"You remember my son, Kovas?" Kriukis interjected.

McCoy nodded, then smiled again. Her heart skipped a beat and she kicked herself. All this smiling from him was playing havoc with her emotions. "I remember you, Kovas, although when I last saw you, you were about half the size you are now in pretty much every direction."

"Last time I saw you, you looked a lot younger." The man chuckled in reply. "Do Humans always age so fast?"

"Don't be rude, Kovas." Kriukis chided and nodded to her. "This is McCoy's head nurse. Forgive me, I never asked your name."

She smiled at them. "It's Christine. Christine Chapel."

Kovas smiled back. He had a nice smile – bright and enthusiastic and she felt herself warm to him immediately. "Christine. It is a lovely name for a lovely woman." She tried not to blush and only half succeeded. She was only used to flattery from Jim, and this seemed far more sincere.

"Thank you." She attempted to steer the conversation back to safer ground. "Is that all the boxes?"

"No, there are three more. I'll retrieve them now." He gave her another smile and headed out through the door.

She turned and noticed McCoy was frowning at her. Well that wasn't unusual. She frowned back at him, and he turned to Kriukis.

"You have samples of the virus for us?" She began to open up the boxes and put the equipment on the tables.

"Yes, but the virus is proving to be highly unstable, so it's been difficult to get samples in high numbers."

"Chapel should be able to solve that. Just give me what you've got."

"Of course. I will endeavour to bring back some fresher samples later."

"Good. I want to see how fast it's mutating."

"From what I can tell, it seems to be rapid. Its virulence is increasing. The majority of deaths have occurred in the last fourteen days. I've left all my notes for you."

She began to calibrate the equipment, feeling increasingly worried as Kovas returned. He put down the boxes and joined her at the table as McCoy continued to probe Kriukis. She welcomed the distraction.

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking at some of her scanners with interest.

"I'm just putting up the equipment and running self-diagnostic programs to check they're calibrated."

"Why do you need to do that?"

"So that I can be sure that all my results are accurate. We deal with very small samples and it decreases the error associated with each reading."

"That makes sense." She smiled and wondered whether he was just saying that. "Do you do this sort of thing often?"

She smiled at him. "Fairly often, but usually for research." Part of her daily routine involved calibrating and checking the equipment in the doctor's lab whilst they were working on one of his projects. The actions were near automatic now and McCoy would sometimes watch her work with amusement as she went through her systematic way of doing things, usually distracting her with his presence until he annoyed her enough that she asked him to leave.

"Is that what you do on the starship?"

"Amongst other things. I'm a nurse, so I treat patients too."

"A nurse?" He seemed unfamiliar with the word.

"Like a doctor, only more overworked and less appreciated." She heard McCoy chuckle in the background and smiled but didn't turn around.

Kriukis joined them quietly. "Come Kovas. We should leave our friends to begin. I'll bring back further samples later."

"Excellent." McCoy followed him over. "Does anyone else know we're here?"

"No – only my family. These days it's hard to know who to trust. I would stay here for your own protection." She nodded her agreement when he looked at her. Until she understood what was going on she wasn't going anywhere. "Neris has put some food in the kitchen, so please help yourselves. She will probably want to come up herself later to see to the sleeping arrangements. We had not expected two of you." The man was looking at her with those piercing eyes again.

"Many hands make light work, Kriukis." McCoy murmured, and she almost laughed.

"That is so. Goddess bless until later."

"And you." Kovas gave her another smile and they left.

"Have you finished calibrating, Chapel?" He still sounded amused as he came to stand beside her, shoulders almost touching. She glanced up at him and met his eyes. He was smiling slightly and her heart quickened. Good grief, she needed to get a grip on herself. She reached down to her equipment, shoulder brushing his. Why should she feel nervous? They were doing what they'd done a hundred times before, just in a different place. She was being ridiculous.

"Almost."

"Good. I need you to replicate up several batches of the virus." She frowned at him. Was he not going to explain what was going on? "I'm going to read through Kriukis' notes and see if I can trace the epidemiology." Obviously not. Why was that?

"All right." She would let it rest for now because they had work to do, but he was wrong if he thought she'd let him off the hook.

"Thank you." He was already turning away.

She frowned at him in surprise. He never thanked her for anything before. "Thank you?"

He raised his eyebrows and glanced back at her. "Yes, thank you. I'd hate you to feel underappreciated."

She laughed despite herself. "But you don't mind me feeling overworked?"

"Hell, when you're a doctor you can complain about being overworked."

She rolled her eyes. "If you say so." She wondered if he ever actually realised what she had to do every day to make sure that the sickbay ran smoothly. Probably not. "But I appreciate you saying thank you." She smiled at him and he nodded and picked up the large pile of papers on the desk. So began their day.

They worked in complete silence for the next five hours. She ran series after series of replications from all the samples of virus, then sequenced their DNA to calculate their rate of mutation and identified key alleles for proteins for the development of a vaccine. In between she tidied up the lab – removing the unnecessary plastic and glass and making sure her areas were tidy and fit for purpose. She liked things in a certain way when she worked – it was just how she was. Occasionally she glanced at McCoy but he seemed absorbed in his task. She could see him mutter soundlessly as he typed notes onto his PADD, his frown growing deeper and deeper. He really was handsome, she realised as she watched him. She hadn't allowed herself to have that thought in a long time, but she supposed that admitting it was hardly going to cause her to throw herself at him. She studied him silently, taking in his fringe that he brushed from his eyes in annoyance, his sharp chin, and his straight nose. He wasn't the paradigm of male beauty that Commander Spock was, nor did he have that little boy charm of Jim's, but there was something about him, something that had both attracted and scared her before she'd even known him. As if reading her thoughts he looked up and met her eyes, looking confused. She collected herself quickly.

"Are you hungry?"

He nodded. "There's rations in my pack if you want them, Chapel."

"Didn't Kriukis say there was food in the kitchen?"

He frowned at her. "He did, but I don't have a death wish."

"I thought that the virus wasn't food-bourne?"

"It's not, but it's not the virus that I'm worried about. There are plenty of other nasties that could be in foreign food. Bacteria, fungi, protozoa… One hit to our puny immune systems and it's a one-way trip to sickbay."

She laughed at him and he scowled at her. She couldn't help it. She'd never met anyone more paranoid in her life. "You think far too much, doctor. I've been eating food on foreign planets for years and I've never been sick once."

"Then you're probably due for it."

She rolled her eyes, and left him to find the kitchen. Through one door off the lab there was a small apartment – a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. There was a series of parcels of food – bread of some kind, some round sweet-smelling cakes, and some red-meaty dish. It looked good but she settled on the bread and cake and took them through. McCoy was watching for her when she returned.

"You aren't seriously going to eat that are you?" He remarked, looking genuinely worried.

"Yes, I'm going to eat it. If I drop dead, or start vomiting blood, you'll know not to go near it."

"Funny." He scowled at her. She sat down on the desk next to him and picked up one of the rolls. "Hell, at least scan it Chapel."

She sighed and ignored him, biting into it. It was good – sweeter than the bread she was used to, with a chalky texture. "You know, they're nice, doctor. Do you want one?"

"No, I damn well don't want one."

She shook her head in exasperation and continued to eat, glancing down at his work on the desk. "So, are you going to explain to me what's going on now?"

He glanced up at her. "I explained in the transporter room."

She gave him a look. "No, you just explained that there was a pandemic. You didn't say anything about coming here against the government's wishes or knowing the people who asked you here, or even being here before."

He frowned at her. "It doesn't matter. Don't you have things to be doing?"

"No, my sequence won't be done for another ten minutes. You've got time."

"Hell Chapel." He scowled, and she could see he was already building an argument. She didn't understand why he wouldn't talk to her but she didn't like any of the reasons she was coming up with.

She folded her arms. "You told Kriukas you trusted me. Is that not true?"

"It's true, Chapel. I do." He looked tired suddenly and she resisted an urge to stroke his face.

"Then what are you not telling me?"

He exhaled slowly. "If I said to you that the less you knew, the safer you'd be, you wouldn't listen, would you?"

She shrugged. "Probably not."

"Fine. We – that is myself, and I think that Kriukas too – think that the virus has been deliberately engineered."

She wasn't surprised. When she considered the sequences of the genomes of the virus they seemed far too perfect to be natural. "I think my work this morning will back that." She agreed. "Do you have any idea who would do that?"

He shook his head. "Four years ago the Brindi underwent a regime change. The new government is very much anti-alien – all communication with other species has been banned and any non-natives were asked to leave the planet. That included anyone who had mixed parentage too."

"That's horrible."

He nodded. "It is, but not entirely surprising. Brinda V has some of the best trilithium deposits in the galaxy. In the past, they've been exploited by several other species – most notably the Orions. As you can imagine, the change in regime has put a lot of backs up across the galaxy."

"So one of these other species could have created the virus?"

"It's possible. Governments have toppled for less – and a decreased population would suit any race trying to conquer a planet. They'd need supporters on the surface to distribute it – but I just don't believe that the Brindi have the technology to create such a virus themselves."

"I see." She frowned at him. It all made sense really – but it was horrible to consider that all these deaths were over something like trilithium. There was something that she still didn't understand however. "Why exactly were you so hesitant on telling me?"

"Because if the government finds us the less you know about anything the better."

"Why?"

"Because to them Starfleet are a hostile force like any other. They'd be a lot of questions about our motives being here. And the Brindi don't have the same policies on the treatment of prisoners like Federation planets."

Torture? She felt her stomach tighten in nervousness but attempted to stay focused. Jim would beam them out before anything happened to them. "Why exactly _are_ we here if they resent outside help? What about the Prime Directive?"

"Damn the Prime Directive, Chapel. You think we should just let them die?"

She looked at him. He knew that she didn't believe that, but she wasn't so stupid as to think that similar struggles to this were occurring across the galaxy right now – ones that the Federation weren't doing anything about. He knew it too. "Why are you so determined to take up this fight, doctor?"

He frowned and looked at his papers, pausing. She was glad when he finally decided to tell her. "I spent six months here while I was studying – Kriukis was my mentor. We started a vaccination programme – a project that the government is now thinking of blaming for all the deaths. It would suit their anti-alien campaign nicely. When Kriukis contacted me, I couldn't just do nothing. Who knows how far such an epidemic will set the Brindi back without help. The vaccines are important."

She shook her head slowly. He was the only doctor she'd met who was more concerned with poor uptake of his vaccine than clearing his name against a crime he didn't commit. She felt her stomach tighten. Who knew what the Brindi would do to him if they found him here – sitting in a lab with alien technology and samples of the virus could easily be made to look incriminating. This was more serious than she had initially thought and she suddenly felt scared for him.

"Does the captain know that the request hasn't come from the government?"

"He knows the basics, but not any of the details. He's the captain, Chapel. He needs full deniability in case Starfleet pick up on it and decide to discipline me. I was trying to give you the same, but you're so damned stubborn." He looked at his hands. "I won't blame you if you want to get beamed back up."

She rolled her eyes. Did he really think she'd leave him to do something like this alone – when there was so many relying on them succeeding? When _he_ was relying on them succeeding. "I assume that when you requested my assistance you actually needed it."

"Obviously."

She smiled at him and squeezed his arm. "Well then I can hardly go anywhere, can I?" She certainly didn't want to leave him here alone. The sooner they found a vaccine the better. He smiled at her and she was surprised to see there was genuine gratitude in his eyes. She was suddenly very aware of how close she was sitting to him, that his eyes were beginning to make her feel breathless, that this was the first time they had really been alone together without the possibility of a patient, a disaster, or Jim – and exactly how attractive she found him right now. "Shall we go and see what my results have found?" She stood up quickly before she embarrassed herself and kissed him.

He followed her over to her computer, his face as professional as she wished hers was. Her final set of results were on-screen and she pulled up the others to compare with it.

"So this is the sequence of the earlier sample." She indicated to the first strand. "Not particularly virulent for Brindi."

McCoy nodded. "Symptoms included muscle aches and joint pain, vomiting, fever and a rash, but it usually cleared after two days. The only deaths were of people with other co-morbidities."

"That makes sense." She agreed. "These are our intermediate samples." She gestured to the six sequences. "Again, not very virulent." She pointed to the final sequence on the screen. "However, this is the most recent sample – the one that is the most virulent. How long is its incubation time?"

"According to Kriukis's notes, about a week. Most are dead within two weeks from day of infection. Symptoms vary initially, but all end with haematemesis, oesophageal spasm, bronchoconstriction, tachycardia and a fever, then shock and death." He frowned and looked closer at the screen. "The sequence looks very different from the previous, does it not?"

She nodded. "They're only 88% alike. The rest are only 0.001% different from one another."

"Which suggests they're actually not related?"

"Yes. Even if I factor in the rate of mutation, and take into account a two week incubation the probability that this final virus would have mutated and become so virulent is insignificant." She showed him the statistics. "It's been introduced into the system."

"And the other, milder virus?"

"The other virus is also too perfect to be natural." She shook her head. "But I don't understand why two viruses would have been created. Why not simply introduce the more virulent strain immediately if you're fixed on killing?"

McCoy was scowling at the screen. "It's a probe sample. It's used to test the method of transmission and the mode of virulence so that a new virus can be engineered to take advantage of these in the most profitable way. It can also be used to cover their tracks – to make the virulent strain appear more natural – a mutation of a more basic virus, so that the finger remains pointed at the surface rather than at an alien species."

"So whoever's made this wants people to think that this virus has occurred naturally?"

"Apparently." She knew what he would be thinking. It would be even more incriminating that the vaccines were the source of the infection. "We need to find a vaccine Chapel."

"I've already found some promising proteins, but we're going to need to infect some cells so that we can completely map its replication cycle and see what cytokines it stimulates."

"Fine. See if you can get on with that. I'm going to repeat all of Kriukis's experiments to see if he missed anything. There has to be an obvious source and mode of transmission. His water tests came out negative, but to have so many infected suggests it has to be something large."

"Try stratifying the results of those infected – try age groups instead of geography."

"I will. I'm going to contact the Enterprise now. Let me know if you find anything."

He pulled out his communicator, then walked into the living area as she began to set up her next set of experiments.

The sun was beginning to set and Christine had lost count of the number of hours she had spent staring at her computer screen and repeating experiments until her arm ached from loading samples. Days were obviously considerably longer on this planet, and she suppressed a yawn as she unloaded her sample and finished mapping the replication pathway, identifying the key CD molecules it stimulated. All the vaccines that she had attempted to synthesise so far had been unsuccessful and her frustration was growing. The live virus always killed the cells, and none of the proteins even in combination were a strong enough trigger to allow a response from the immune system. She was beginning to run out of ideas.

McCoy was working equally hard on the other side of the room – testing every sample he could find for a method of transmission and analysing statistics. She almost suggested that perhaps they should ask Spock to come and take a look at the data. What seemed like a meaningless distribution of sickness to them, might be less random to the Vulcan – but she had a feeling that McCoy wouldn't be keen on having more people involved, especially when he wasn't strictly following protocol.

"Good evening." Kriukis' voice echoed from behind her and she jumped. She had been so absorbed she hadn't noticed him enter, but McCoy was already walked towards him.

"Tell me you managed to get some new samples, Kriukis." McCoy frowned, eyeing the box he carried with him hopefully.

"Indeed I did. Have you made much progress?"

McCoy exchanged a look with her. "Well we've confirmed what we initially suspected – it's definitely alien. Chapel's been working on a vaccine."

"I see." The man turned to her and smiled at her softly. She felt bad that she couldn't give good news.

"Whoever formulated this virus made making a vaccine against difficult." She told him. "Usually, I can take a few key proteins and trigger the immune response so that the subject is able to eliminate the virus promptly. However, no combination that I've found has worked, and even a small amount of the live virus will trigger the disease."

"So you think that a vaccine isn't possible?" The Brindian asked.

"I'm not sure if I'm honest. But I'll keep trying."

"Perhaps we could formulate something to decrease the virulence instead? A new drug?" Kriukis suggested.

McCoy nodded. "It is possible, but to do that we need to find the source and mode of transmission, and I'm still coming up blank. Whoever built this virus is a damned genius." He rubbed his face.

"Well, you need a break. Come - Neris has brought dinner to the beach. The girls were upset that Kovas was allowed to see you and they weren't."

McCoy glanced at her. "It's safe?" He sounded reluctant.

"Yes – no one has come to this beach in years. It's too close to the jungle, and there have been a number of _Yerka_ sightings recently."

McCoy frowned. "We have a lot to do-."

She cut him off quickly. "But we need a break. Allow us to change from our uniforms just in case."

Kriukis gave them a look of amusement. "As you wish. We will be on the beach."

He left them and McCoy turned his scowl on her. "What do you think you're doing, Chapel? We have enough work to do-."

"My next series won't be done for at least an hour, and the timer on your computer says something similar for yours. I think the only reason you don't want to go is because you don't want to eat local food."

He folded his arms, the frown on his face deepening. "Is that so?"

"Yes, and incidentally, I think that's rather rude. His wife has obviously gone to the trouble of cooking for us, the least we could do is eat it."

He was getting angry. "You think I'm worried about eating? You don't think that it could be because there's a damned price on our heads if we're seen?"

She frowned at him. "No, because you trust Kriukis. You wouldn't have allowed me to come if you didn't. So when he says the beach is safe, you believe him. Now stop being so paranoid and live a little."

For a second he just looked at her, rage in his eyes. Then to her surprise, instead of shouting, he actually chuckled, eyes clearing. "Hell woman. You're going to be the death of me." He turned and walked away.

"Where are you going?" She asked to his back when she had managed to recover from the shock.

"To change. "

She smiled to herself, pulled out some clothes from her pack and went to change in the bathroom.

Ten minutes later she walked out in light trousers and a shirt and thanked her stars that she had packed something that wasn't a uniform. He was already waiting for her in a black t-shirt and jeans, leaning against a tree in the sun, surprisingly relaxed. He looked good. She felt those butterflies in her stomach take off again and tried to force them to stillness.

He stood up straight when he saw her, meeting her eyes. "Ready Chapel?"

She smiled at him. "You make it sound as if we're about to do something awful. It's only dinner."

"I'll remind you of that."

He stepped aside so she could walk in front of him down the path. "How many children does Kriukis have?"

"Three – two daughters and a son."

"How old are they?"

"Age is a relative term. The Brindi grow far slower that Humans. The youngest was a babe in arms last time I was here."

She wondered about that. "When were you last here? You said that you came here twice?"

"Yes." His voice was curt.

"So you came here once when you were studying. When was the other time?" She heard him pause and glanced behind her. He was frowning and looked tense. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

He shrugged. "My honeymoon." She stared at him, walking backwards for a second, then promptly managed to collide with a tree. "Damn it, watch where you're walking." He turned her around and looked her over and she tried to ignore the feeling of his hands on her arms. The shock of his statement had been replaced with something like amusement. He'd brought his wife here for his honeymoon? That was unexpectedly romantic of him.

"I'm fine. Sorry." She tried to keep the laughter out of her voice as she brushed herself off.

He frowned at her. "Is something funny, Chapel?"

"I was just thinking that you must be the only person I know that has to take all their own food on their honeymoon." She grinned.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on. Try not to let any more trees jump out at you."

She laughed and followed him down the last of the path and onto the beach.

"There you are!" Kovas greeted them immediately, looking genuinely glad to see them. There was a table on the beach with several chairs, laden with food, and some sort of flaming brazier lighted to its side. With the sun slowly going down over the ocean it was quite a sight. He took her hands in enthusiasm and pulled her towards the table and the rest of his family.

"Doctor McCoy." A woman with long white hair greeted the doctor with a warm embrace and a wonderfully rich voice. "It has been too long."

"Neris, as accommodating as ever. You-." He was cut off as a small girl launched herself at him.

"Lada." The woman reprimanded as McCoy picked the girl up.

"This is Lada?" He held her at arm's length and took her in seriously. "You've grown."

The girl giggled. "Thank you."

"And you speak Standard too." He smiled at her.

"Dad is teaching me."

"You are doing well. You'll be fluent in no time." The girl blushed with pride and he set her down on her feet and greeted Kriukis as the girl took his hand. She wondered whether this was what he was like with his own daughter. The thought brought a wave of emotions she hadn't expected.

"You must be Christine." Neris embraced her warmly. "Please forgive the exuberance of my children."

She smiled. "It is nice to see." She hadn't been around children in some time. She loved their enthusiasm. She noticed a very small girl was staring at her, thumb in mouth, and bent down to speak to her.

"Hello. What's your name?" The child smiled at her and said something she didn't understand.

Kovas bent down next to her and kissed his sister affectionately, causing her to squeal. "This is Biruta. She doesn't speak Standard yet. She's fascinated by your hair."

She laughed and allowed the small girl to touch it. "I suppose you don't see many blonde people around here." She commented.

"You're the first person I've seen." Kovas smiled at her. "I like it." Biruta whispered something in his ear. "She says that you look like the sun."

She returned his smile. "Well tell her I love her hair too. It looks like the moon." The girl gave her a toothy smile as her mother said something, and then took her hand and led her to the table.

The family sat down together as she took a seat next to McCoy. Kriukis immediately began to serve up plates of food and Neris put them down in front of each of them. McCoy was looking pale and she felt a little sorry for him.

"May the Goddess bless our friends and our meal." Kriukis broke a piece of bread and the rest of the family began to eat. She took a bite, watching the doctor from the corner of her eye. He muttered something under his breath and then took a bite. She almost laughed at his face, but at least he was eating something. The meal was almost in silence, eaten with their hands. She wasn't sure whether this was tradition or not, so allowed McCoy and the children guide her. Finally they all finished and she smiled her thanks as Neris collected her plate. Conversation began again as they stood from the table.

"Thank you. That was very nice." She addressed Neris.

"You are welcome. You have not eaten our food before?"

"I had some of the food you left for us at the house. It was very good, although I admit I didn't know what it was."

"You like to try new things?"

"Yes, very much so."

Neris gave her an amused look. "You are very unlike the other Humans I have met."

She laughed. "I assure you, most Humans like to experience new things."

Neris gave McCoy a pointed look. "I see." The man was still talking to Kriukis.

Lada approached her shyly holding Biruta's hand. "Christine, can we show you something?"

She felt flattered that they wanted to show her anything. "Of course." She followed them along the beach and towards the treeline.

"Look up." Lada indicated.

She looked up and saw that several of the trees carried structures - small treehouses linked together with rope bridges.

"They're amazing!" She said with genuine enthusiasm. "You play here?"

"Yes." Biruta was already climbing up one of the ropes with considerable dexterity. "Our father built it with Doctor McCoy when he stayed here. Doctor McCoy says that children on Earth have houses like these to play in. Is that true?"

She smiled. Now she looked at it, it did look characteristically Human. "The lucky ones do." He'd built this? She was beginning to realise that there was far more to the doctor than even she had thought.

"Well we are the only Brindi to have a house in the trees to play in. Our mother doesn't mind, because up here we are safe from the yerka."

"What are yerka?"

"They are large carnivores." Kovas said from behind her. "They're strong and ferocious. Recently they've started hunting us, rather than the other way around, so many parts of the jungle are off limits."

"But they can't climb?"

He smiled. "No, they can't climb. So it's one of first things that a child learns to do – climb a tree."

"Sounds very sensible."

"It's survival. Biruta's the best climber out of all of us, though."

The small girl heard her name and stuck her tongue out at him, then squealed when he climbed up after her and ran away from him. Lada was laughing, then squealed too when her sister climbed down and Kovas followed her.

"Don't do it." The girl protested, although she was laughing so hard that she could barely protest when Kovas picked her and carried her towards the sea. Biruta grabbed his leg to try and stop him and ended up being dragged along.

"Christine! Save me!" Christine followed and laughed when he threw Lada into the sea, then grabbed Biruta and threw her in too.

"You know, that's rather unfair when you're so much bigger than them." She commented as she stood at the water's edge, watching the two girls attempt to pull their brother down.

Kovas gave her a look of intent as he walked towards her. "You know, I'm much larger than you too."

"Don't even think about it." She said in her best nurse's voice.

He laughed, then grabbed her before she could respond and threw her into the water. She stood up, dripping wet, feeling annoyed, gave him a very serious look, then in a quick movement kicked his legs from under him. Both his sisters laughed loudly when he hit the water, and ran and hugged her.

He stood frowning slightly. "I didn't expect that. You're quick for a woman."

"You've thrown a lot of women into the ocean?" She retorted and he grinned.

"Can you teach me that?" Lada asked her sincerely.

"If your brother doesn't mind us practising on him."

"Please Kovas?" Lada took on a pleading note.

"All right. Although I'm probably going to regret it." He gave an amused look to Christine.

She taught the girl a few a simple actions, and the weak points that would floor most humanoids. She had the feeling Kovas was fairly bruised by the time they finished but he took it good-humouredly, especially when Lada was so enthusiastic and even Biruta was having a go.

"We should stop now." She finally said. "It's too dark." The sun had almost set and she needed to get back to work.

"That was brilliant." Lada said fervently.

She helped Kovas back to his feet and he put an arm around her and picked up Biruta with the other. Lada smiled and put an arm around her waist and they walked back up the beach.

"You're my favourite Human, after Doctor McCoy." She told her sincerely.

"Thank you."

Biruta said something and Kovas smiled. "She said that you're her favourite Human even above Doctor McCoy."

She laughed. "That's very sweet. But I don't mind being second to Doctor McCoy."

"What happened to Doctor McCoy's wife?" Lada asked.

"She's on Earth." She replied simply.

"I met her once. She didn't like me."

She couldn't imagine anyone disliking Lada. She was one of the most affectionate and friendly children she had ever met. "I'm sure she liked you fine." Kovas gave her a look that made her doubt the statement, but said nothing.

They were waiting on their return. Kriukis had lit a torch to illuminate the darkness and looked amused when he saw them. Neris picked Biruta from Kovas' arms, speaking in a soft voice. McCoy was frowning, arms folded across his chest, the torch lighting his face, and she felt something pull in her heart as Lada embraced him affectionately. It occurred to her that she was still soaking wet and looked a mess. She smoothed her hair as McCoy approached her.

"Had fun, Chapel?" He looked her up and down, then gave her an amused look.

"In a manner of speaking. Kovas decided to soak me."

"Did he now?" He sent a pointed look to the young man and she smiled softly.

"It's fine. He got his desserts. I need to go and check my experiments."

"Come on then. Kriukis?"

"Coming." The man was saying something to his wife, then the whole group followed them up the dark path to the lab. They walked side-by-side in silence, shoulders brushing. It occurred to her that it would be so easy and natural to take his hand right now, and she had to fight the impulse that overtook her. It would be unprofessional. He was her CMO. She would do better if she remembered that.

The lab lights came on and she immediately went to her scanner. The results weren't promising and she felt her heart sink as she fed them through the computer. McCoy was watching her and she gave him a shake of her head. He frowned and turned to Kriukis as Neris went to see to the apartment.

"Still no luck."

She flicked through her past results. She only had a handful of viable combinations yet to try. Then what?

"How is it going?" Kovas asked at her side.

"Not very well." She admitted. "It's more difficult than I anticipated. But I'm sure we'll think of something." She reassured him.

The young man nodded. "I'm sure you will." He leaned against the desk next to her, his eyes fascinatingly dark.

"Has it affected your town badly – this virus?"

He shrugged. "It is just starting to. It began in the city, but now a lot of people out here are coming down with it. We live right on the edge of the town – you can't miss our house, it's blue – so we don't see the effects as badly as we could, but the girls say that their school classes are empty – a lot of parents are keeping their children at home, and the markets are dead."

She shook her head. McCoy was right when he'd said that such a virus could topple a government. "It must be scary."

"It is. I've lost twelve friends already to it. I'm scared it will affect one of my family." She glanced at the people around her and understood his fear. She felt sick. What if they couldn't find a vaccine?

Neris came out of the rooms and gave them a smile. "Kovas, why don't you take the girls home? We'll follow shortly."

Lada was yawning and carrying Biruta, who was asleep on her shoulder.

The man grinned. "Of course." He picked up his youngest sister. "Go and say goodbye, Lada."

The little girl hugged her. "It was nice to meet you Christine."

"And you." She returned her hug with a smile.

"You'll come and see us again?"

She thought of the government. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to, but you're always welcome to come to Earth."

"I'd like to see Earth." She ran and embraced McCoy. "Goodbye doctor. I hope you come and visit us, but if not, I'll come and see you."

McCoy chuckled. "I imagine you would, too. Sleep well."

Kovas smiled at her. "I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes."

He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "I apologise for getting you wet."

She smiled, touched by the gesture. "You're forgiven. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He took Lada's hand and the three left. She looked up and realised that the doctor's eyes were on her, a strange expression on his face. She smiled at him and he looked away.

"I've put extra blankets in the bedroom." Neris told them. "I know how cold Humans get at night."

"Especially when they're sleeping alone." She heard Kriukis murmur and McCoy scowled at him.

"I apologise that there is only one bed. If I'd known I would have tried to have another one brought up…" Neris continued.

"Don't worry – we'll work something out." Christine was quick to reassure her.

"We probably won't be sleeping much anyhow." The doctor added.

Kriukis laughed softly. "Will you not?"

To her surprise the McCoy reddened. "What I meant was that we're going to have to be up every few hours to check on our tests."

"Ah, of course."

He recovered himself well. "You'll bring the samples that I need tomorrow?"

"Yes, my friend. Goodnight. Goddess keep you safe."

"And you." Kriukis took his wife's arm and led her out of the building. She watched them leave and then began to load the next series into her scanner. She felt the doctor's eyes on her back, and avoided the urge to turn around and meet them. Was something wrong?

"You should be careful of Kovas, Chapel." Clearly there was. She sighed but didn't turn around.

"Why?"

"Because he likes you." That surprised her. Why would he think that?

"He's not much more than a boy, doctor." She retorted mildly.

"In Earth years he's older than you."

She turned in surprise. He had said that Brindi aged differently to Humans, but she hadn't expected it to be that differently. "Well I'm sure I won't break his heart - he's only known me for a day."

McCoy frowned at her, eyes hard. "Brindi take matters of the heart far more seriously than Humans. You should tread carefully."

She sighed. Clearly he was worried that she was going to hurt him. "I'll try and be gentle, doctor." She turned back to her experiment. "They're a lovely family. Are all Brindi families so close?"

"The majority. Their family unit's are far more harmonious than you see in Humans. Men and women marry for life – divorce doesn't exist, and children always stay close to home."

"I suppose they have more time to make sure that they're marrying the right person." She pointed out. "And more time to build relationships with their children." She wondered how blissful that was. Time, she realised, was the one thing against Humans, the one thing that made them act hastily and live to regret it. She was a good example of that.

"I suppose so." The doctor turned to his experiment and they said little else as they both worked on their separate desks.

"Chapel?" She felt a gentle hand on her cheek and realised that she must have fallen asleep.

"Sorry." She sat up quickly, and almost hit him in the face. McCoy took a step back from her.

"You all right?" He looked as tired as she felt. She glanced at her clock. She'd only been asleep for a few minutes thank goodness.

"Just tired. And frustrated – nothing I do is working."

"You should go and get some sleep."

"No, I need to finish this." He nodded. He understood at least her desperate need to make some progress. "What do we do if we can't find a vaccine, doctor?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head. "You'll find a vaccine." She wished she had that sort of faith in herself.

"I have one more set to run, and then I'm out of ideas." She admitted, and felt a lump come to her throat. "How's your side of things coming?"

"No better." He sat down on a chair beside her. "This is one hell of a situation."

"I know." She loaded her final batch and watched at the equipment whirl into life. "Have you contacted the Enterprise?"

"Yes. I've told them that this might take some time. Jim said he could give us a few more days."

She nodded. They would probably need them. They sat and watched her readout for a while. She found the motion of the scanner and the lines on the screen soothing.

"I wonder how the sickbay's managing without us." She commented.

"I'm sure they're fine. You did leave them a rather massive list of instructions."

"So did you." She smiled. "I suppose they'll beam us up if there's anything they can't deal with."

"Exactly." His nearness was comforting and electrifying simultaneously. She leaned her head on her hand and watched the read-out again.

"Come on Chapel." She realised she must have drifted off again. His hands were on her shoulders.

"I'm fine." She protested, but he was already helping her up, hands under her elbows.

"You need some sleep."

"Really Doctor, I need to see this finish."

"Hell, it will wait for a few hours. You said yourself you don't have any more ideas after this. Now stop arguing."

"Only if you come too."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Don't pretend that you're not as tired as I am." He rolled his eyes wearily but followed her into the living quarters.

The bedroom was small, but that bed would have taken them both. If she was braver she would have suggested it – but McCoy's face was set as he laid out some blankets on the floor, and she didn't think she could face the argument that would ensue. A small disappointed voice said that it would have been nice to lie in his arms. She rubbed her face. Clearly she was overtired.

"You know, I don't mind sleeping on the floor." She began.

"Chapel, don't even try it." He gave her a look and she stopped and sat down on the bed.

"Well goodnight."

"Goodnight." She pulled off her boots, but decided to stay fully dressed and pulled the covers over her as McCoy switched off the light. She fell asleep almost immediately.

When she opened her eyes she thought she was dreaming. It was still dark outside, but there was a light shining in the window and she sat up slowly and watched it move out of the room and into the next one. Then she saw a figure walk past the window and knew she wasn't. She silently moved out of bed and knelt down next to the doctor's sleeping figure, clamping her hand down hard on his mouth as she shook him awake. His eyes shot open but he didn't panic as she had expected – at least she thought he hadn't until she felt a phaser at her neck. He slept with his phaser next to him?

"It's me." She breathed and released her hand from his mouth.

He immediately lowered his phaser and sat up, eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

"There's someone outside."

He stood up quickly, blankets dropping from him. "Stay here." He crept out of the room.

For a moment, the darkness made her obedient. Then fear for him overtook her and she followed him out. The lab was dark, and she couldn't see his figure, even in the moonlight. Then she noticed the door was opened. She crept to it and looked out. She could make him out, just, crouching next to a tree. There was no sign of the prowler. She kept low and silently moved through the trees towards him. There was a sound of a shot, and she threw herself to the ground. In the ensuing silence she pulled herself up. McCoy had moved. Clearly he hadn't been the one shooting which meant that someone was shooting at him. She slowly made her way forwards, heart beating hard, keeping close to each tree. She finally saw him again – he was heading forwards, towards the beach and a denser growth of trees. She paused, and a gleam of light caught her eye. She turned in the direction, but saw nothing immediately, then realised the image was a pair of eyes. She could barely see the figure they belonged to, but he was heading towards the back of McCoy. Then he stopped – she heard the powering of a gun, and in panic she shouted to him just before a shot rang out. McCoy hit the floor, then shot into the direction of the fire. She heard a grunt and the smell of phaser hitting flesh and thought for a second he'd succeeded, but then another few shots echoed in her direction, and she dropped to the ground as they thudded into the tree next to her. The crashing sound of running feet assured her that the gunman was getting away.

"Chapel!" McCoy had run to her and was turning her over.

"I'm fine." She assured him and sat up.

"Damn it, I thought I told you to stay in the room?" She could barely make out his face in the darkness, but could quite easily imagine the anger that would be in his eyes.

"I was attempting to stop you getting shot." She retorted. "Shall we follow him?" She motioned in the direction she was sure he'd run in.

"Hell woman." McCoy stood up and pulled her to her feet. "There's a good idea. Let's go running through the jungle in the dark after a man with a gun who has who knows how many friends waiting on his return. Good grief, don't you have a modicum of common sense?"

She frowned at him. "Common sense is telling me that we'd better find him before he tells the authorities and we have more to worry about than the jungle in the dark." She turned to follow, but he grabbed her arm.

"Leave it, Chapel. Whoever it was is long gone. I'm not watching you shot at again."

She wasn't the only person who'd been shot at, and she was about to point that out, when she realised that his hand was shaking. He'd been scared for her? She had been scared for him too. More than she wanted to admit. She turned to him in the darkness, put her hands on his chest and kissed him on the cheek without thinking. He put his arms around her and for a breathtaking moment she thought he was going to kiss her. She hoped he would. He touched her cheek softly, moving her closer, as heat coursed through her. Then a thought came into her mind – one that she couldn't ignore.

"Eureka." She murmured.

"What?" He jumped away from her like he'd been burnt. Her heart groaned its disappointment and she had to stop herself reaching out for him again.

"Eureka. I think I know how to create the vaccine." She took his hand and began to move back to the lab. "Come on."

He dropped her hand but obediently followed her up to the lab and watched wordlessly as she switched the lights on and pulled up files on her computer.

"I assumed that a vaccine would have to be based on the Brindi immune response – but what if it didn't."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well I'd initially thought that the virus had been formulated from an existing Brindi virus – but actually, the sequence has little in common with your database of existing viruses, so on an off-chance I ran it through Starfleet's database. The results should be here. Now look." She pulled up the results and smiled when they showed what she had initially guessed.

"It's based on an Orion virus?" McCoy murmured.

"It's likely. Therefore, perhaps if we formulate a vaccine based on a combination of viral and Orion host proteins we might have some success."

McCoy nodded. "That's a good idea. You select some of the most promising viral proteins you've found, and I'll have a look at the Orion's and see if I can find any that will trigger a good response."

"Ok." She smiled at him and he gave her that half-smile of his own.

A whistle made them both jump, and the doctor picked up his communicator from the table.

"McCoy here."

"How's it going doctor?" Jim's voice echoed around the room.

"We're making some progress."

"That's good to hear. We're picking up a distress call from a ship a few lightyears from here – apparently they're adrift and require assistance. We shouldn't be gone for more than a day. Do you want to beam back up?"

"Do they have any casualties?"

"No – it's just their ship."

McCoy turned to her in askance. She knew he would stay without hesitation and she wasn't going anywhere without him. She shook her head. The doctor frowned at her, but agreed with her wishes. "No, we'll stay down here."

"Everything all right?" She wondered if Jim had picked up on the tension in his voice.

"Everything's swell." She gave him a sceptical look. It was true - other than the fact they'd just been shot at, were running out of time, and still didn't have a vaccine.

"You don't need anything?"

"No – especially not of the Vulcan variety before you ask."

Jim laughed. "Well all right. We'll be out of communicator range for a while but we'll contact you as soon as we're back."

"Fine. McCoy out." He closed his communicator and stared at it for a moment. She knew what he was thinking. They were on their own now. He met her eyes and frowned. "Don't just stand there, Chapel. We have work to do." So began their second day.

A shout roused them from work a few hours later. The day had grown bright and sunny like the previous and she tried to concentrate as worry gnawed at her consciousness. She knew that it was only a matter of time before whoever had been there last night came back. Then what? They'd be no Enterprise there to get them out if they were captured. But then in came Kriukis, carrying an unconscious Lada, and she was distracted from everything except the most pressing issue.

"Lay her on the bed." McCoy ordered his friend as she ran for the medical kit. "How long has she been like this?"

The girl was sweating, mumbling occasionally and looked seriously ill. Christine felt her heart sink when she saw her. She'd been infected. She handed the doctor a scanner and gently wiped the girl's hair from her face.

"Neris went to wake her this morning and found her like it."

"The rest of your family is all right?"

"Yes. I didn't know what to do. We can't rouse her. I knew I had to bring her to you. She has the virus?"

McCoy checked the scanner readout. "I'm afraid so."

Christine felt a lump in her throat. Not this little girl. Please no. She managed to turn her just in time as she vomited up bile, heavy with blood. She wiped the girl's face as she whimpered, and cleaned the floor she had vomited onto, saving some for analysis. McCoy was manually examining the girl the way he often did when he didn't fully trust the scanner reading and was looking increasingly perplexed.

"Chapel, come and look at this."

She came to his side and looked where he was indicating. There was a small wound on her neck –she would have missed it but his sharp eyes missed nothing.

"A puncture mark?" She asked him quietly.

"Perhaps. Kriukis, was Lada on the vaccination program?"

The man paused. "Of course she was – she's my daughter." His voice was quiet but intense.

"When was she vaccinated?"

"Over a year ago."

"And her booster? When was that?"

The man shook his head. "I don't know. She was due for one, but the school carry them out. It may have been recent. You don't think…"

She kept her face calm, although inside she finished the sentence for him. They were using their vaccine?

"Our program may be the perfect means of the virus distribution – they would simply have to swap the sprays. It fits in nicely with the data – and explains the spread, and why we can't find any evidence of the virus in the environment."

"Goddess and her angels…"

"You need to find out if Lada had her booster in the last few days. If she did, you need to make sure the vaccination program ceases immediately."

"Yes. Of course." He seemed to collect himself quickly. "There are going to be a lot of pointing fingers, McCoy."

The doctor nodded. "You'd better lay low for a while. We had a prowler last night. Someone suspects something."

"You should go back to your ship."

"Our ship isn't in orbit at the moment. Besides, we think we might have found a way to make a viable vaccine. That's more important right now."

"I'll send Kovas to act as a lookout."

"Fine. We'll keep an eye on Lada. Do I have your permission to test a vaccine on her if I decide that it is safe?"

"Of course."

"Thank you. Now go and stop the vaccinations."

"Yes. I will be back later."

"No – don't come back. Send Kovas if you need to communicate. I don't know how closely they'll watch you."

"Yes, of course. Goodbye my friend. Goddess bless."

He embraced McCoy, kissed his daughter, then left with speed. Christine felt stunned as she watched the doctor calmly scan the little girl.

"I'm sorry." She told him quietly.

"For what?" He smoothed back the girl's hair, then tucked a blanket around her but didn't look up.

"Whoever it is, they're deliberately trying to make it look like it's your vaccine. All your work on this planet – all your progress…"

"That doesn't matter now, Chapel." She wanted to tell him that of course it mattered, but there was such a weary finality in his voice. "Have you selected the proteins?"

"Yes. And you?"

"I have a few good candidates. Let's put together our best and run them."

"All right. Lada…?"

"She'll be all right for a few hours. I've given her something to bring down her temperature and stop her vomiting. She's not in any danger yet. Come on, Chapel." She followed him back into the lab and they began their new set of experiments.

Hours passed and she began to grow fractious as she loaded trial after trial and the sun grew high in the sky. Each time she prayed she'd find a response. Each one came back negative. Finally, on her seventh attempt, when she was beginning to lose belief that they were on the right track at all, the computer told her that they'd synthesised a vaccine. She could have cried.

"Doctor?" She walked through to the bedroom where he was scanning Lada again.

"Chapel?" He looked up at her.

"It works. We have a viable vaccine."

"You're sure?"

"I ran a whole series. Everyone came back positive." She smiled at him and he exhaled slowly.

"Good. I'll run some safety protocols." She watched him work and thanked everything she could think of. It worked – at least in principle. Whether or not it worked on a patient was another matter. But it had to – and if it did, when they Enterprise came back they would be beamed up and that would be the end of this nightmare.

"It's safe." He told her an hour later. "I'm not sure whether it will work, but it won't do any harm." He distilled it into a hypospray as she went to check on Lada. The girl's temperature was creeping up again and she sponged her face with cool water and exposed her neck. The girl whimpered and she stroked her face and hummed something until she settled again.

"Ready?" McCoy asked her.

She nodded and he bent down and gave her the hypospray. Then he began to pace as she sat on the edge of the bed. Only time would tell now.

"It's looking promising, Chapel." He told her after three hours. Her temperature had been decreasing steadily, her breathing was becoming easier and she hadn't vomited again, despite the earlier hypospray wearing off.

There was a bang at the door, and she sprang to her feet as McCoy bolted to the door. "It's me, doctor." Kovas shouted breathlessly.

"Hell, what happened?" The doctor asked as they both took in his soaked clothing and sweat.

"You need to get out of here. There's a whole bunch of people coming for you. They have juros."

"Juros?"

"Like sniffer dogs." McCoy explained to her. "How far are they?"

"About five clicks. I had to swim out to get around them."

"Damn it. You need to take Lada and get out of here."

"What about you?"

"We have a vaccine now. They should listen to us."

Kovas shook his head. "I don't think they will. They're not normal soldiers. There was an Orion with them."

"You're sure?"

"Green skinned, red hair."

"Damn it. Chapel, go and grab your bag." She immediately picked it up, threw out her superfluous items, then picked up the medical kit. The doctor was downloading information from their computers onto PADDs.

"You're going to wipe it?" She asked him.

"Yes. We'll have to leave the equipment."

"Where are you going to go?" Kovas asked in worry.

"We'll go into the jungle. It should provide us with enough hiding places until our ship returns." She knew the doctor well enough to know when he was saying something he didn't really believe to reassure. This was one of those times. She felt her heart contract in fear. "Now go and get your sister. She's in the bedroom." Kovas nodded and disappeared from the room.

"You think we're going to be able to outrun them?" She asked him, working hard to keep her voice and face calm.

"We'll do our damned best. You have everything you need? We're going to have to move fast."

"Yes."

"Good." He wiped the computers and slipped the PADDs into his bag. Kovas came out carrying his sister. "I don't think they'll trouble you, Kovas, but try not to be seen just in case." The doctor ordered him.

"I'll swim out with her if I have to." The boy responded.

"Good. Tell your father that the vaccine appears to work. If necessary he can distill it from Lada's blood." She understood what he meant. If they were captured and the PADDs were destroyed.

"I'll remember." She heard the sound of barking now – it didn't sound very far away.

"Good. Go now."

"Be careful." She added.

Kovas flashed her a smile. "I will."

He headed out the door and they moved back through the lab, out of the bedroom window and into the jungle. Once outside she could already hear shouts. She followed him through the trees at a flat out sprint. The growth grew thicker the deeper they went, and the more difficult it became to move quickly. She could hear the juros moving closer and it gave her the adrenaline she needed to keep running after her calves cramped in agony and she tasted blood. Finally she began to fall behind the doctor, and he slowed down to a stop and let her catch her breath, leaning against a tree as she heard feet tear through the undergrowth nearby.

He was reaching into his bag and handing her the PADDs. "Take these, Chapel." He was breathing just as heavily as she was.

"Why?"

"Because we can't keep this up, and they're not going to stop until they catch one of us."

"What? No!" He was going to let them catch him? "There has to be a way of dulling our scent and hiding or-."

"Damn it Chapel. This is not the time to argue with me. Take the PADDs." She took them from him reluctantly, bowing under the intensity of his eyes as she tried to formulate another way – another plan so that he didn't have to do this. But he was taking her face in his hands – making her look at him and focus. "Listen to me. Run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you're sure you're safe. Wait until the Enterprise makes contact." He handed her his communicator and phaser.

"Doctor… Wait…" The sounds were all too close now. He'd been planning to do this, she realised. It felt like a betrayal.

"Hell Chapel – I'm ordering you to do this. Don't you dare disobey me. You need to keep those PADDs safe."

"But what about you?" She couldn't let them take him.

"Don't worry about me. I don't matter." He kissed her on the forehead and she felt her heart break. He mattered to her. He mattered more than anyone else. She realised with a sudden clarity that she loved him. That knowledge sent her reeling as he turned her around and pushed her. "Now run, Chapel. Run!"

As tears blinded her eyes and her heart screamed in protest she ran in the opposite direction into the jungle.

The juros had followed her for only a few minutes before the chilling sound of gunfire drew them back to their masters. She felt so torn she couldn't move for a moment, and leaned against a tree as emotions whirled around her. Her heart was screaming at her to turn and run back to him, but those PADDs were weighing her down. On them was a vaccine – one that would save thousands of lives, and all the proof they had of Orion involvement. No matter how much it hurt she couldn't let them be destroyed. And he'd ordered her – he'd given her a direct order. So she turned from the sound of shots, pulled out her tricorder, and moved deeper into the jungle.

After two hours of walking she reached her destination, and had formulated a plan. It wasn't a very good one – but she was desperate. The tricorder had shown her the caves from several miles away but she almost smiled the first time she saw them, cut from a cliff face in the centre of the jungle. The air was cool against her skin as she entered them. She had drawn her phaser, but they appeared to be abandoned, nothing more than dry leaves lining their floors. She moved in as deep as she dared and buried the PADDs and the communicator under a pile of dead leaves. If she wasn't back when the Enterprise returned they could lock onto the communicator's signal and a party would find the PADDs. She knew that Scotty wouldn't find it difficult to break her encryption but someone else would. They were as safe as she could make them. Then she unloaded everything except a few key essentials from her bag and exited the caves as the sun came down.

She waited until it was almost dark before she approached the house. It had been easy to find really – the only blue building near the beach, but she could see that it was being watched. She crept around to the back door when the coast was clear and knocked quietly.

Neris' eyes widened when she saw her, and she pulled her inside quickly. "Christine!" She hugged her tightly, genuinely glad to see her and she had to work hard not to go to pieces.

"I'm glad to see you Neris. Did Kovas and Lada make it back all right?"

"Yes – they're fine. But where is Doctor McCoy?" She swallowed and the woman seemed to understand. "Come, my husband is in the other room."

She followed her through. The blinds were all shut in the small, neat house. Kriukis was working at a desk in the front room. He looked tired and stressed but smiled softly when he saw her. Kovas was sitting on a chair with little Biruta on his lap, but stood up when she walked in and flashed her a relieved grin.

"Christine!" Lada smiled up at her from the couch she was lying on and Christine breathed a sigh of relief. The vaccine had worked.

"Forgive me for coming here. I didn't know what else to do." She told them.

"Of course." Kriukis nodded and looked at her carefully with those penetrating eyes. "Lada, you and your sister go to the other room please."

The little girl frowned, but slowly got up and took her sister's hand. She understood the gesture. This was not a conversation for young ears.

"How is she?" She asked, watching her leave.

"Better. She came round as Kovas was bringing her home, and has been her bright self ever since." Neris told her.

She nodded. "I'm glad."

The door shut and Kriukis stood. "They've taken the doctor?"

"Yes. That's why I'm here. I need to find him." Neris and Kruikis looked at one another.

"I understand your plight, Christine, but we cannot help." Kriukis told her softly. "We are being held here and I cannot endanger my children."

"Of course." She nodded. "I just need to know where he's being held."

"You think that you can rescue him alone?" Neris asked her, looking kind but slightly sceptical.

"Yes." She didn't have any choice. She wasn't going to leave him there.

"But the risk you take, attempting to release him. Surely it would be better to wait until your ship returns?" Kriukis pointed out.

"I've heard what you do to your prisoners, Kriukis. I won't put him through it longer that he has to." She sounded harsher than she'd meant. She tried to explain. "He sacrificed himself so that I could take our research to safety. I can't do nothing while they torture him."

"It is safe now?"

"Yes, it is safe."

"Christine, I do not think he would want you to put yourself in danger to rescue him." Kriukis said slowly. "After all, he has made such an act to keep you safe." She was going to point out that it had been to keep the PADDs safe, not her, but she wasn't sure whether she entirely believed it.

"I am leaving tonight to our family in another town." Kovas told her. "You could come with me – I will keep you safe until your ship returns." He looked at her hopefully.

She shook her head. "I cannot." He looked hurt and she felt bad. "I will not endanger you with my presence, Kovas."

"There are some things that are worth the risk."

She met his eyes. "Yes there are."

The young man cocked his head to one side, eyes dark with sudden understanding. "You love him?" Was she so obvious? When she had only just admitted it to herself?

She felt the other eyes on her and took a breath. "Yes. I love him." The first time she had said it aloud. She felt her heart confirm its truth even as her stomach contracted into sickness. The one man she couldn't love. But that didn't matter now.

Kovas said something in Brindi and his mother nodded slowly, then gave her husband a look. He sighed. "Christine, I can tell you, but it will not be easy. The situation has become more complicated."

She felt her heart sink. "How?"

"The Orions have come to our government with 'proof' that the virus is a Starfleet derived device to force us to give them our trilithium. We have allowed a few members of their race to come down to help with the epidemic. The information that they have is very convincing – and the fact that they have been using our vaccine as a means of distribution just adds to that. McCoy may have been forced to admit things that are not true. If he disappears it may not help his case."

She swallowed and nodded. She would take that risk. "We have amassed proof that the Orions are behind it. Once we return to the Enterprise we can set the record straight." The longer he was a prisoner the greater the chance of him breaking and admitting to something that he didn't do.

"Very well." Kriukis sat down at his desk and began to draw her a map. "I imagine he has been taken to the prison at Peth. It is seven clicks from here. Follow the shore along until you reach a small road, then follow the road inland and you should reach it. It is in a dangerous part of the jungle and security is very high there."

"Have the Orions been allowed to add their technology to the security?" She asked.

"No – the government is still wary of them."

She nodded. Good. She could cope with the primitive Brindi security systems. "Thank you. I should go."

"Be careful, Christine." Kriukis warned her. "They may still be looking for you."

Kovas smiled. "I don't think that they'd believe she'd be mad enough to rescue McCoy alone. But you should take some clothes in case they set juros after you. It will confuse your scent."

She smiled at him. It was a good idea. "Thank you." He disappeared from the room.

"Make sure that you tell McCoy that we tried to talk you out of this." Kriukis told her.

She laughed softly. "Don't worry. He won't blame anyone but me for doing something so reckless." She probably wouldn't hear the end of it. She wouldn't even mind, as long as she heard his voice again.

"Here. Change in the other room." Kovas passed her some clothes and she changed quickly, putting on the long dress and headscarf with ease, and returned into the main room.

"I appreciate your help."

"I am indebted to you for yours." Kriukis told her. "Forgive me for not doing more." He looked regretful and she tried not to think too badly of him. It may have been his fault they were here, but he had his family to protect. She would have done the same thing.

"Keep safe."

"Goddess bless you."

Neris signalled to her when it was safe to leave and she made her way to the prison.

When Christine was young she had always hated being clever. It had been hard enough going from the one-to-one tuition that she'd had on the starship to a large school, without standing out even more by being a fair number of IQ points above every other student, even when she was put up a few years. Her shyness had only added to her isolation. Then, on her first day at high school, one boy had shown an interest in her when everyone else had avoided her young company. He wasn't the sort of person that her mother approved of – he was several years older than her, had already spent some time in juvie and was, in a word, a pyromaniac, but he had been the only friend she'd had, and he taught her things that she couldn't have learnt anywhere else. He'd been the first boy she'd kissed, the first person who broke her heart, and the first friend she had who'd died serving Starfleet. Most importantly he'd taught her that with a few simple items you could create enough sound and smoke to cause a large distraction. Right now, as she set the charges around the perimeter fence of the prison, she thought he would be smiling where ever he was. He had been a good teacher, but she had been an even better student.

She hit her phaser and an explosion went off that shook the ground. She slid through the gap she cut in the fence, hidden by the darkness and smoke as sirens went off and guards poured from the prison. She'd already scouted a back door, and she quickly melted the lock and found herself in some sort of kitchen. It was thankfully empty and she made her way out and into a corridor. There was a computer on the wall and she used her tricorder to hack in. It took a moment for her to find where he was. A warning came up to tell her that he was scheduled for execution tomorrow morning. They were going to execute him? That would be convenient for them if they killed him before he could plead his case. She felt herself grow angry - angrier then she'd been in a long time.

"Hey." She stunned the guard without hesitation, memorised the route and shut down the file. Then she ran down the corridor and into the main prison. She hadn't been prepared for what she would find. It was semi-dark and everything was steel. Screams echoed off the walls and made her slow despite herself as the smell of excrement assailed her. There was the sound of weeping, and hands stuck out of bars in supplication as she walked past. She shot the two guards that came at her in disgust. How could they treat people like this? Then she sped up and turned down the next corridor. This one was different from the previous in that it was completely silent – the alarms and shouts didn't reach here and the inmates were quiet. That scared her the most – the lack of sound was eerie. His cell wasn't clearly marked but the computer had been clear and she shot the lock. It was dark inside and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust.

He was hanging by his wrists from the wall, eyes shut and chin on his chest. "Doctor?" Was he breathing?

He opened his eyes and looked at her and her feeling of relief was replaced with something like terror at the expression in them. It was fury – pure and simple fury and she almost stepped back. He'd never scared her before, but he did right then.

She summed up every ounce of her courage and approached him. "Doctor McCoy? It's Christine." He blinked in recognition and his eyes cleared. "Oh hell." He muttered and she couldn't help but smile.

She shot his chains and he landed with a grunt on the floor and sat up rubbing his arms. "Can you walk?"

He pulled himself shakily to his feet and was glancing at her bag. "Yes. Damn it, please tell me you didn't bring-."

"No, of course not." She glanced out the door. It was still clear but they had minutes at most. "Put these on." She threw him the clothes from her bag. He gave her a quizzical look but didn't protest and she turned her back as he undressed, his chains clanging.

"Done."

She turned back to him. "Come on."

He followed her out of the door. "Chapel, you and I need to have a talk about following orders."

"When we get out of here. Now be quiet."

She could hear numerous footsteps coming the way she had come, so she led him quickly in the opposite direction, trying to remember the floor plan she had seen.

"Do you even know where you're going?" He muttered as the corridor grew darker. Then he pulled her into an open cell as a group of guards turned onto their path. She tried not to breathe as they stood in the darkness. She felt the heat of him behind her, his arms around her chest holding her still, and a strange mix of terror and adrenaline as the guards walked past. He let out of breath and let go of her when they'd past.

"Damn it. Let's get out of here." She led him down to the end of the corridor and through a door to a staircase. There were shouts coming from the bottom, but she didn't see any choice but to head down. A flight from the bottom she paused and pulled out her tricorder. The room they were going to exit through was full and she wouldn't be able to take them all. She triggered her second round of charges and the staircase shuddered.

"Hell, Chapel." McCoy stared at her and she smiled as there were further sounds of running feet. He grabbed the phaser from her and shot two men who had run to the staircase, then jumped down the rest of the stairs and took out the five in the room before they could reach their guns. She had to admit that he was a better shot that she was. If she'd had time to be, she probably would have been impressed. The room was some sort of mess and she opened a window quickly and climbed out. He followed her, and she led him through the smoke and voices to one of the other holes she'd cut in the perimeter fence. Barking said that the juros had been let loose and once they were through she began to run, listening for the sound of his footsteps behind her. Eventually the barks and the alarms faded and she slowed down to a stop, gasping for breath. She could hear him behind her, and switched on her torch to illuminate him.

He was leaning against his knees and didn't look well. There was dried blood on the side of his face and down his neck and there was a wheeze in his heavy breath.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it would be." She commented.

He looked up at her and straightened with a wince. "Has anyone told you you're a damned idiot?"

"Only you, on several occasions."

He scowled at her. "Why the hell did you come for me?"

She pulled out her tricorder for directions. "I was supposed to leave you there?"

"Hell Chapel, that was exactly what you were supposed to do. What if they had captured you too? What then?"

She began walking. "Did you know you were scheduled for execution tomorrow morning?"

He paused, then began to follow her. "No."

"Well you were. I wasn't going to rely on the Enterprise being back in time to get you out."

He was silent for a moment. "The Enterprise might be not back anytime soon. That distress call they received was an Orion ruse to get them away. I'm not sure what they're going to find there."

She swallowed and knew what he was thinking. What if they were facing a red alert without him there? How many would die? "I'm sure it will be fine. Gaila's aboard – she'll help negotiate."

"They've gone to an awful lot of trouble to frame me for this, Chapel. I don't think that they're going to be much for talking."

She knew he was right. It scared her – but Jim was a great captain. He'd get them out of this. "The vaccine works." She commented.

"Please tell me you didn't go to Kriukis?"

"I didn't know where they'd taken you. I didn't have much choice. But I was careful. They're going into hiding."

"Good."

They walked in silence for the next thirty minutes. She heard his breathing get increasing worse behind her and tried to keep her pace moderate. She was worried. What exactly had they done to him?

"A cave Chapel? What's it with you and caves?" He chuckled breathlessly and she made a face. It was beginning to rain when she finally led him into it and set her torch down. He sat down heavily and put his head between his knees.

"Are you all right?"

"I've felt better."

She put a hand to his head. "You're burning up. Let me get my scanner." She retrieved her medical kit. The PADDs and the communicator were still there safe – which meant that the Enterprise still wasn't. "What did they do to you, doctor?"

He was beginning to shake. "First things first, Chapel. Why don't you build us a fire?" He felt cold?

"A fire?" She replied blankly.

He gave her a look. "You haven't been camping much, have you?"

"Never." Her mother hadn't understood the point of it. The closest she'd come was the training exercises at the Academy.

"Well just find us some branches. I'm sure there's enough kindling on this floor – the leaves will be fine. I'll do the rest."

She set about gathering what he'd asked and smiled when the small fire she'd built caught light. It felt better to have the warmth and light in there. Somehow it made her feel safer.

"Nothing like a fire." He echoed her thoughts.

"Now will you let me scan you?"

"They injected me with the virus Chapel." His voice was quiet and calm, his eyes intent on hers as he told her.

"What?" She checked the readout. He was right. She felt the blood drain from her face. "Why? Why would they inject you with it?"

"As a threat. So that I'd die, even if they didn't execute me tomorrow morning. Even if you did manage to rescue me."

She knelt down next to him and forced herself to calmness. "We don't know it'll progress the same in a Human."

"No we don't. But it's probably likely to kill me quicker." The Human metabolism was far faster than the Brindi. She knew he was right. She felt sick but held herself together.

"Let me give you something for your breathing." He nodded and she gave him a hypospray.

He took a deep breath as it worked. "The Enterprise will be back eventually, Chapel. We'll keep the symptoms at bay with drugs and slow it down." He was using that voice again – the one to reassure her. She knew he didn't believe any of it, but she along with it because she didn't know what else to do. Because she just wanted him to hold her and make her believe it.

"All right. Here." She picked up the phaser and carefully cut the chains from his wrists, then healed the broken bruised skin underneath. She felt his eyes on her face but was too scared to meet them. She was in love with him. It changed everything. It changed nothing.

"Now take off your shirt. I want to have a look at your back."

"My back, Chapel?"

"Yes. You've been wincing every time you've moved it. Don't pretend otherwise."

He frowned at her. "It's fine."

"Do I have to cut it off you?"

"Damn it." He slowly pulled it off and she helped him bring it over his head.

She couldn't help but stare. "They whipped you." It wasn't a question. She knew the signs – she'd seen it on slaves before. The cuts were deep – and would probably scar, even if she healed them. He said nothing and she wanted to wrap her arms around him. Instead she picked up her dermal regenerator again and began to heal them. It took several minutes and left raised red welts in its place. She traced them gently, checking her work. It would definitely leave scars.

"Here." She handed him back his top and helped him back into it. She felt the exhaustion of the night set in, but knew she still had much to do.

He reached out and touched her hand. "Are you alright, Chapel?"

No she wasn't. She was scared for him. But saying it wouldn't help anything. Nor would crying like a helpless female, even though she felt like one right now. "I'm fine. You need to get some rest."

"Hell, I'm ok."

She rolled her eyes. She knew what he was doing. Good grief, he was still trying to protect her even now. "You're not ok, doctor. You're temperature is high, you can hardly breath, and I'm guessing that right now you feel like hell."

"I can deal with it."

"Well I can deal with things better. Let me worry about us."

"Chapel-."

She didn't want to argue. "Doctor – do you trust me?" She met his eyes and he frowned at her.

"You know I do."

She smiled softly at him. She did know he did. She reached out and touched his cheek. "Then just this once, let me take care of you."

He looked at her for a long moment and she couldn't read the emotions in his eyes. Then he nodded and lay back, head on his hands. She picked up her bag.

"Where are you going?" He asked her quietly.

"I'm going to lay motion sensors."

"You're carrying motion sensors?"

"In a manner of speaking." Equipment she could modify to such, at any rate.

He gave her a look. "Take the phaser, Chapel."

"Alright." She picked it up, then headed back out into the rain and darkness.

It took her some time to create a satisfactory perimeter, but she knew that she wasn't going to be able to keep watch all night. At least this way if they came she would have advanced warning. What she would do about it was another matter entirely. She switched on her make-shift sensors via her tricorder, then tramped back to the caves soaked and cold.

McCoy was sleeping when she returned, albeit fitfully. She warmed herself by the fire for a moment, then changed out of her wet Brindi clothes and into her own. She heard the doctor say something – she couldn't make out the words, and checked him over. He was delirious. It wasn't a good sign. She gave him a hypospray to bring down his temperature, and smoothed the hair from his face. He seemed to settle at her touch and she laid down next to him wearily and watched him sleep. The fire light was flickering down his face as she stroked his cheek. She loved him. There was no denying it, nor of the pain it produced inside her. She'd felt like this for a while, but she hadn't dared name it, because giving it a name had consequences, like the fact she couldn't ignore it. She had tried so hard not to care for him and she had been extremely adept at not thinking about it, but now she did – and she cared about him so much that it scared her. And worse, he was her CMO – a man that she couldn't have without putting both their careers in jeopardy. McCoy lived and breathed medicine. She couldn't do that to him, even if he cared for her back. Which she wasn't entirely sure that he did.

She moved closer to him and put her forehead against his chest. He was warm and real and reassuring, but probably not conscious. Right now she hated this planet more than any other for what they had done to him. They hadn't broken him – she was sure he would have told her if they had – but they had done something worse instead. She couldn't let him die. If the Enterprise didn't come back – or if it was delayed too long - he would. The only thing she could think of would be to return to the lab and synthesis another batch of the vaccine for him, but they were no doubt watching it, and there was no assurance that they hadn't removed their equipment. Besides, she couldn't leave him here alone and unconscious. The fear made her feel sick. She could slow the symptoms for a day maybe – but not the virus itself. She would have to put her trust in Jim and hope that he returned in time. He hadn't let them down yet.

She shut her eyes and pulled a blanket over them both, but it was a long time before she fell asleep.

She felt a hand stroking her hair as she slowly came to. She lay there calmly, eyes shut, enjoying the sensation. Then she remembered exactly where she was and the rest of her memory came rushing back. She opened her eyes quickly and jumped.

"Morning, Chapel." Oh, good grief. She attempted not to blush as she removed her legs from his.

"Good morning." He was conscious. She hadn't expected him to regain consciousness. Thank goodness.

"You all right?"

She sat up. Morning light was coming in from the entrance but it was still raining. "Fine." She smiled her embarrassment. "I'm just not used to waking up next to someone. Sorry about that – it was freezing last night and you were delirious."

He frowned at her and she quickly scanned him to distract herself. He looked ill – face pale, stubble over his cheeks and eyes dark. His body was shaking and his breathing was laboured.

"How are you feeling, doctor?"

"Like hell."

"Here." She gave him a few hyposprays and felt him relax.

"Any word?"

"No." She couldn't meet his eyes. He nodded, then began to cough. Neither of them commented when he spat out large clots of blood. They both knew what that meant. "You should eat something. You'll be pleased to know that I picked up plenty of rations, and not a piece of local food, so you can eat without fear of protozoa or bacteria or whatever else you worry about catching."

He chuckled and took the pack from her. "You know, the food on this planet isn't that bad. Hell, I could get used to it."

She smiled at him. "Is that the delirious side of you talking?"

"Most probably."

She picked up a pack herself and forced herself to eat the bland energy bar as she checked her tricorder and the comm just in case.

"I should probably thank you for coming to get me last night, Chapel." He told her.

"Yes, you should." She replied calmly.

He frowned at her. "It was a stupid, idiotic thing to do, and if you'd got yourself captured I would have escaped, just so I could kill you-."

"Are you trying to thank me, or berate me again?" She muttered.

"But I am grateful. I didn't want to die in there." She met his eyes. As opposed to dying out here? How was that any better? He gave her a small smile which she understood was meant to be reassuring. "Out of interest, where the hell does a nurse learn to create explosives like that?"

She laughed softly. "Trust me - you don't want to know, doctor."

He gave her a look, eyes intent. "It's a bit late for titles now, Chapel."

It made her heart race. "Well what do you want me to call you?"

"I do have a first name, you know."

So did she, but he rarely used it. However, right now this situation was so surreal that she was willing to go along with it. "Fine, Leonard." He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile in response. It sounded strange – but not in a bad way. She wondered how often she would get to use it. "You should get some rest."

He had another coughing fit and then wiped the blood from his mouth and laid back down obediently. She pulled the blanket over him, then began to busy herself for the day.

A few hours later a beeping roused her from the PADD she had been reading. One of her sensors had gone off. She felt her heart contract in fear. Was it them? Had they found them?

"Doctor?" She touched his shoulder and he muttered but didn't wake. He had been in and out of consciousness for the last hour. She felt unsure for a moment, then made a decision. She couldn't let them find him. With any luck she could draw them away from the caves. She hid the PADDs again, then picked up her tricorder and phaser. At the last moment, she changed her mind and left the phaser beside him. Just in case. Then she ran out into the rain.

She made her way carefully to the perimeter, keeping her eyes and ears opened and checking frequently on her tricorder. She was picking up no signs of life other than the natural fauna of the jungle. Perhaps a bird had set it off? When she reached the sensor and there was no sign of anyone she guessed this was the case. She sighed her relief. It was a false alarm. She turned to make her way back to the cave when a rumbling growl behind her stopped her in her tracks. Heart beating loudly, she slowly turned to see the creature that had made it. It was massive, larger than her on four paws, with a pale green stripe and large luminous eyes. A _yerka_. She swallowed and remained motionless as it watched her and growled again. For a second she couldn't think straight. Then she remembered what Kovas had told her about them, and saw a decent sized tree in the corner of her eye. Very slowly she edged towards it as the growls grew more pronounced. Then, in a fluid movement, it ran at her and she ran to the tree. She thought she had made it for a second, and grabbed hold of the branches, but a searing pain in her leg made her let go as the yerka bit her. She kicked it as hard as she could in the face with her good leg and it dropped her, then pounced. She rolled out of the way, pulled herself to her feet, and ran as fast as she could, ignoring the searing pain her leg. She could hear it easily catching up with her and she changed direction and grabbed a stick from the undergrowth. When it pounced on her again she turned to face it and stabbed the stick as hard as she could into its mouth. It howled in pain and fell back and she ran again, hoping it would leave her. She tried to find another good tree, but all of them in this area were too thin and wouldn't support her weight. A growling told her it was right behind her and as she turned direction again she slipped on wet leaves and fell. She scrambled back up but it was too late when it pounced on her, knocking her to the ground and the breath from her. She hit it as hard as she could, aiming for its eyes, trying to stop the jaws on her neck, but it was too strong, and as its head finally came down she knew she was dead.

A shot rang out across the jungle, and for a second she didn't know what had happened. Then the yerka collapsed onto her, eyes blank and she rolled it off of her and pulled herself slowly to her feet.

McCoy was standing in front of her breathing hard, phaser in hand, eyes furious. For a second she didn't know what to think or to say as the rain dripped from him and the blood rolled down her leg. Then she said the first two words that came into her head.

"You came."

"Hell, Chapel. Of course I came." His eyes were burning through hers with a look of such raw emotion that she couldn't think as her heart pounded.

She wasn't sure which of them moved. Maybe they both did – but then his lips were on hers and her arms were around him pulling him close as he kissed her. The sensation almost overwhelmed her as she felt the heat of him through his shirt, his hands in her hair, the stubble from his jaw, the way his lips moved over hers. She held onto him for life and kissed him with everything she felt as she pressed herself to him. She wasn't sure how long it lasted – an age and a second, but they broke eventually. His eyes remained shut, his forehead against hers as he breathed heavily. Her own breathing was as ragged as his. She had been kissed by several different people, and would have always said she had liked it when the person was right, but this – this was something entirely new to her. She reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Leonard…?" She needed him to look at her. She needed him to see what she felt – that she loved him. "Look at me."

When he pulled himself away from her she felt like she'd been slapped. His back was to her now and she felt her heart break. Fear stopped her reaching for him.

"Enterprise, two to beam up."

The rain and the jungle disappeared from her eyes, and the transporter deck materialised. The doctor collapsed beside her and she was on her knees next to him in an instant.

"Christine? What happened? What's wrong?" Jim was running to them as she wiped wet hair from his face.

"We need to get him to the sickbay _now_." She told him and Jim and a member of security pulled him up. Her eyes found the Vulcan. "Spock, I need you to beam down to the surface – there's a cave and three PADDs buried two hundred metres in."

He raised his eyebrow but didn't ask questions. "Of course, Nurse Chapel."

She pulled herself to her feet, plan already formulated in her mind. There was no way she was going to allow the man she loved to die. She rolled up her sleeves and got to work.


	24. Chapter 12 The Vaccine McCoy

_Here we go – the companion chapter. Sorry it took me so long to put up. Thank you to everyone who reviewed – and don't kill me for the ending. It's necessary unfortunately – trust me. There's one more thing that they're going to have to deal with before they will manage any semblance of a relationship. I think you can guess what it is. But fear not – the end is in sight! I'm slightly in love with the McCoy from this chapter (is that wrong?) – but even more so with the McCoy you'll see in 2 chapters time (I haven't written it yet, but know myself well). I also found the most perfect song for this chapter – By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North (it's almost the same as the title – clearly it's meant to be!). Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with me._

12. The Vaccine – McCoy

_Dr. McCoy_,

_The equipment is organised and will be in the transporter room tomorrow morning. In the future I'd appreciate it if you gave me more notice rather than waiting until the night before we leave._

_Yours,_

_Christine Chapel_

_Head Nurse_

His alarm went off but he was already awake. He'd never slept really. He didn't know why he'd bothered trying – there was a lot on his mind and lying in bed hadn't really helped. But then, neither had sitting in his office. Ever since he'd received a communication a few days ago he'd been distracted and knowing that he was taking Chapel down with him today wasn't helping. It was a hell of a bad idea. He'd said as much to Jim the previous night. However, he'd idiotically allowed himself to be talked around – mostly because Spock was unfortunately correct - he really couldn't do this alone and she was much better at this sort of thing. Now he wished he hadn't. If there weren't quite so many lives resting on them finding a vaccine he would have contacted her then and there and told her he'd changed his mind. But there were – and so he'd spent most of the night trying to think up ways of keeping her safe, which was almost impossible, since the woman seemed to attract trouble almost as readily as Jim did. Damn it.

He got out of bed and showered and dressed quickly. He needed to check the equipment was all there. Chapel could organise a Klingon tea-party, but knowing his luck there'd be some vital piece missing just when he needed it and they'd waste valuable hours. And he didn't have time to waste on a planet that really didn't want him to be there.

Cherkov nodded and gave him a grin as he arrived in the transporter room. He scowled in reply. He could already feel himself breaking out in a sweat. Breaking something in to atoms and then actually expecting it to be reconstituted normally in under a second was insane. He could swear he felt a small part of him missing every time he went through it. He attempted to distract himself by going through the boxes as time ticked by and his nausea built. When she finally arrived his mood was not a pleasant one.

"Finally, Chapel. Where have you been?"

She smiled at him patiently and he tried to ignore how she seemed to light the room up with her presence. "Have you checked that everything's there?"

"Yes it's all there."

"Good." She fixed him with a penetrating look. "Are you going to tell me what we're going to be doing?"

He frowned at her. The less she knew the better. "I thought I had." Everything that he'd wanted her to know at any rate.

She frowned back at him, and he knew she wasn't going to settle for it. "No, although I deduce from the equipment we need that there's been an outbreak of some sort." Damn it. He should have known she would have put two and two together. The logical part of him pointed out that for her to work he was going to have to tell her _something_. She put it together herself soon enough anyhow.

"A new virus." He told her curtly.

"Is it aggressive?"

"A hundred thousand have been killed on a single continent in the last month. That's why they've requested our help." He was glad not to specify who 'they' were.

Her face took on a serious note – her eyes hardening themselves to the task. "How technologically advanced are the Brindi?"

"They're over two hundred years behind us." And the gap was only growing.

"Do they know the source?"

"Not yet, so we're going to have to stay down there. I won't risk contaminating the ship." Or someone – Spock most likely - picking up on the fact that the government hadn't requested his help at all.

She nodded as if that was a sensible enough excuse. Well he supposed that it was – he hardly liked the idea of spending a few hours in the decontamination chamber every night, even with her company. "And us?"

"I think it's unlikely to mutate to cross-species so quickly, especially if it's airborne. We should be fine. But if you'd rather not come…?" Hell, if she was sensible she'd leave him to go alone.

"Of course I'm coming." She assured him, and relief flooded him despite himself. "The quicker we find a cure the better." She sounded so sincere that he could help but smile at her. Her and her angel-of-mercy complex.

"All set Bones?" Jim walked in looking annoyingly cheery for this time in the morning.

"As I'll ever be." Hell, he wasn't prepared for this at all. Kriukis better have made sure it was safe.

"I'm glad you're going with him, Christine. He was going down alone until last night. He'd probably work himself to death." He scowled at his friend.

"Indeed it was highly illogical." Spock added. Of course, he would have to say something too. "I believe it is a Human euphemism of 'many hands make light work'. My offer still stands, doctor, if you would like my assistance."

As if. Spock would have him reported to Starfleet within a few seconds of beaming down. People dying would mean nothing to the emotionless elf. "Spock, if I find a need for that computer of a brain of yours, I'll be sure to have you beam down. But since you have no experience in virology, I'm sure Chapel and I will manage."

"Very well."

"We'll be in communicator range if you need anything. Keep us updated with your progress." Jim ordered.

"Fine. Try and keep this ship out of trouble while I'm gone." He dreaded to think of the mess he'd manage to get the ship into when the only two sensible people weren't aboard.

Jim chuckled as if reading his mind. "I'll do my best."

He forced himself onto the transporter pad. It would be over quickly, he reminded himself as his stomach contracted painfully.

"Energise." He shut his eyes as the sound rushed around his ears. He was so disorientated when he opened them that he almost fell over, bile in his mouth. "Hell." He lent on his knees and attempted to regain control of his stomach. Vomiting in front of Chapel was not something that he wanted to do any time soon.

"Are you ok?" She sounded calm and relaxed. Of course, she usually thought he was over-reacting about such things.

"I've just had my atoms scattered across space, Chapel. What do you think?" Sickness made him harsh.

He heard her sigh and felt slightly guilty. He focused on the sound of the ocean for a few seconds and felt his body calm.

"It's a beautiful here." She told him. He pulled himself together and wiped his face.

"The coast is the best part of this continent. It's all jungle further inland."

"You've been here before?"

"Twice." The scenery hadn't changed at all. Brinda V always seemed to remain in stasis. A few hundred metres down there was where he'd built the treehouse for Lada, hoping that he'd build one for his own children someday; just a few steps from here, near to the ocean, Caroline had lain beneath him and stroked his face and told him that he would always be enough for her; and up the bank, just a few metres away he had wiped the tears from her face when she told him she was pregnant, that she was too young to be a mother, that she didn't want to keep it. "Come on, we're not here for the scenery." He pushed away the memories. They weren't painful, not as he had expected, but they made him feel sad. Sad and old.

They followed the path up to the lab and he knocked on the door of the white-washed building.

"Leonard McCoy."

"Kriukis." He couldn't help but return his friend's smile. He hadn't changed in the slightest – the same white hair reaching to his waist, his dark skin shiny, his eyes as patient as ever.

"You are not alone." Damn it – he hadn't warned him about Chapel. He gave her a long look and she met it squarely and without flinching. He'd like that, that she wasn't intimidated by him.

"She can be trusted, Kriukis. She's my head nurse." Which wasn't really the reason why he trusted her.

"I see. Well come in. Your equipment?"

"Being beamed onto the beach."

"I will send Kovas down for it."

He followed him into the lab and frowned. It had regressed somewhat in the time he had been here, but he supposed that Kriukis had always been set in his ways, and using alien technology was dangerous these days. There were several naked flames – naked flames in a laboratory! – microscopes and some dismal plastic sheeting. Good grief.

"Have you made any progress?"

"I've ruled out airbourne and faeco-oral spread. I'm still waiting for the results of my water samples."

"And the government?"

He looked uneasily at Chapel. Unfortunately his experience of Human females was only Caroline. "They've got a few teams working on it with no success. They're trying their best to cover up the problem. There's a blanket-ban on the media and security at the hospitals is tight. They seem to think that if they just ignore it, it will run its course."

"Damned idiots. I assume you'd be in serious trouble if they found out I was here?"

"They may overlook it if they had a cure."

"We'd best get to it then." He wasn't planning on hanging around. He began to pull the ridiculous sheeting down from the ceiling and switched off the flames. He felt Chapel's eyes on him, but she said nothing as she helped him.

He almost didn't recognise the boy that came in carrying the boxes.

"Doctor McCoy?"

"You remember my son, Kovas?"

Hell, but he'd changed. "I remember you, Kovas, although when I last saw you, you were about half the size you are now in pretty much every direction." He was grown now. He'd be looking for a wife soon enough.

"Last time I saw you, you looked a lot younger. Do Humans always age so fast?" The boy laughed, and he felt the grey in his hair.

"Don't be rude, Kovas." Kriukis chided – rather unconvincingly he thought - and nodded to Chapel. "This is McCoy's head nurse. Forgive me, I never asked your name."

"It's Christine. Christine Chapel." She turned on her brilliant smile and he watched as Kovas was hit by the full force of it. Oh hell.

"Christine. It is a lovely name for a lovely woman."

She blushed slightly, only adding to her loveliness, a fact that he was sure that Kovas was most certainly appreciating. "Thank you. Is that all the boxes?"

"No, there are three more. I'll retrieve them now." He gave her a grin and cantered out of the door. He didn't miss the smitten look in his eyes. Great – the last thing he needed was the boy trying to romance his head nurse and distracting her from what she was supposed to be doing. Chapel met his eyes and frowned at him as if she could read his thoughts. He turned away.

"You have samples of the virus for us?" She began to unpack and he watched her from the corner of his eye.

"Yes, but the virus is proving to be highly unstable, so it's been difficult to get samples in high numbers."

"Chapel should be able to solve that. Just give me what you've got."

"Of course. I will endeavour to bring back some fresher samples later."

"Good. I want to see how fast it's mutating."

"From what I can tell, it seems to be rapid. Its virulence is increasing. The majority of deaths have occurred in the last fourteen days. I've left all my notes for you."

"Have the symptoms changed?"

"There has been some change. Perhaps it is why so many are dying now."

"How do they die?"

"Shock, eventually leading to heart failure. Although some also asphyxiate – bronchoconstriction seemed rather characteristic."

"I see. Anything they have in common?"

"Nothing. Those dying now are usually fit and healthy, and are across all age groups. That's what's so mystifying. Previously, the virus had shown a predilection for the elderly and the very young."

He frowned as Kovas returned and went immediately to Christine. "Any chance you could find me a body to examine?"

"It is unlikely, my friend. It's hard enough getting myself out of the hospital every day with the samples."

"They search you?"

"Oh yes. I've had to become quite inventive in my methods to get them out."

"I can imagine. Why the hell didn't they ask you to work on the project?"

"I'm hardly in favour with the new government – I've had too many relations with aliens of disrepute." He smiled.

"Even so – surely with this many dying they'd overlook anything…"

"No – they just look for something to blame. Apparently, our vaccine seems like a likely candidate for becoming the scapegoat."

"Damn it. Surely the science community doesn't believe that?"

"No, I still have friends and sympathisers. But there's not much they can do if the government forces them to create 'evidence'. I dread to think what the cancer rates are going to look like should they decide to use it – the vaccine has been doing so much good."

Cancer was the biggest killer of the Brindi due to their long lives – and their vaccine helped protect against several viruses that could cause it. The recent statistics that Kriukis had sent him had shown that the death rate had more than halved in the last ten years. If the vaccination program was stopped… They fell silent and he picked up on the other conversation of the room.

"A nurse?" He heard Kovas saying in the background.

"Like a doctor, only more overworked and less appreciated." Chapel said calmly, and he laughed despite himself. Only she would give such a description of her work. Kriukis gave him a look of interest, then went to join them.

"Come Kovas. We should leave our friends to begin. I'll bring back further samples later."

"Excellent. Does anyone else know we're here?"

"No – only my family. These days it's hard to know who to trust. I would stay here for your own protection." He glanced at Chapel and she nodded sagely. He had a bad feeling that she was agreeing to something she didn't understand far too readily. "Neris has put some food in the kitchen, so please help yourselves. She will probably want to come up herself later to see to the sleeping arrangements. We had not expected two of you." He was looking at Chapel with considerable curiosity, and he realised that there would only be one bed. Oh hell, he hadn't thought about that – nor of the conclusion that Kriukis might draw from it. He felt something stir inside of him and repressed it. He would worry about that later.

"Many hands make light work, Kriukis." He murmured.

"That is so." He gave him a look of amusement and he had the feeling he hadn't heard the end of it. "Goddess bless until later."

"And you."

He watched them leave, and then Chapel work for a few seconds. Her methodical way of doing things was calming. She had her own little ways for doing everything, something he had found amusing at first, and then slightly fascinating. He would often watch her in the mornings in his lab – their lab really – as she moved through the equipment, checking and setting straight, occasionally meeting his eyes with a slight frown that made his heart skip a beat, as if questioning why he was there – a question he usually found himself asking himself. There was something soothing about her, something that made her need to be around her. It was almost magnetic, and it drew him to her now.

"Have you finished calibrating, Chapel?" He stood close, but not so close that they were touching. She looked up and met his eyes, then looked down quickly, focusing back on her work – an unusually nervous gesture. Had she picked up on his worry? Or was she nervous about something else?

"Almost."

"Good. I need you to replicate up several batches of the virus. I'm going to read through Kriukis' notes and see if I can trace the epidemiology." She frowned at him, and for a moment he thought that she was going to question him.

Then she shrugged. "All right." He almost sighed in relief. She knew enough. He couldn't tell her any more, not if he wanted to protect her.

As he moved away something that she'd said came to his mind and made him pause. "Thank you."

"Thank you?" She sounded completely surprised. That didn't make him feel particularly good about himself.

He glanced back at her and kept his voice light. "Yes, thank you. I'd hate you to feel underappreciated."

She laughed softly and he felt his heart tighten. "But you don't mind me feeling overworked?"

"Hell, when you're a doctor you can complain about being overworked."

She rolled her eyes at him. "If you say so. But I appreciate you saying thank you." She smiled at him and he didn't trust himself to say anything else. He turned away and picked up the pile of papers Kriukis had left him. It was going to be a long day.

The worked in silence for the next few hours. He made comprehensive notes from Kriukis' papers and began to plot the epidemiology, growing increasingly frustrated when he could find no pattern. No matter which way he looked, the cases appeared to be unrelated. How the hell was it transmitting? There was no link between one person and the next. It was all well and good making a vaccine, but if they didn't find the source they would only be reacting to the problem, not treating it. He needed more detail on the victims – their habits and daily activities. What he had just wasn't enough.

He looked up and found Chapel watching him, a look of softness in her eyes. It left quickly and he wondered whether it had been there at all.

"Are you hungry?"

He wasn't really, but nodded. He needed a break. "There's rations in my pack if you want them, Chapel."

"Didn't Kriukis say there was food in the kitchen?"

He frowned at her. "He did, but I don't have a death wish."

"I thought that the virus wasn't food-borne?"

"It's not, but it's not the virus that I'm worried about. There are plenty of other nasties that could be in foreign food. Bacteria, fungi, protozoa… One hit to our puny immune systems and it's a one-way trip to sickbay." He'd seen far too many cases of food poisoning in the sickbay over the years. Many people didn't know the risk they were taking when they ate with the locals – but he did. He'd rather stay safe and eat something he knew the content of.

To his irritation she laughed at him. "You think far too much, doctor. I've been eating food on foreign planets for years and I've never been sick once."

"Then you're probably due for it." He retorted. She rolled her eyes at him and walked out of the room. While she was gone he glanced around for the medical kit, just in case. It was sitting against the wall. Good grief, he had enough to worry about without her purposefully making herself ill.

She calmly returned carrying a plate of small rolls and a cake. "You aren't seriously going to eat that are you?" Hell, why was she always trying to prove something?

"Yes, I'm going to eat it. If I drop dead, or start vomiting blood, you'll know not to go near it." She grinned at him.

"Funny." She perched on the desk next to him so close that he could almost touch her. Then she picked up a roll. "Hell, at least scan it Chapel."

She sighed at him in a way that made him feel old and paranoid. Then she began to eat it with a look of satisfaction. "You know, they're nice, doctor. Do you want one?"

Damn her. "No, I damn well don't want one."

She shook her head like he was being unreasonable and continued to eat, looking down at his work. "So, are you going to explain to me what's going on now?"

Oh hell. He thought he'd escaped that. Why the hell could she never make things easy for him when he was trying to look after her? "I explained in the transporter room."

She gave him a look. "No, you just explained that there was a pandemic. You didn't say anything about coming here against the government's wishes or knowing the people who asked you here, or even being here before."

Damn it, she'd picked up on everything he'd hoped she wouldn't. "It doesn't matter. Don't you have things to be doing?"

"No, my sequence won't be done for another ten minutes. You've got time."

He scowled at her. A small voice told him that it would be nice to tell someone and share some of his worry – someone who would understand. She was already involved after all. He pushed the thought away. Absolutely not. There was no way he was telling her anything else. If Starfleet decided to reprimand him for this that was one thing, but he wasn't going to let her be dragged into it too. Not when the Brindi might catch them. Her involvement needed to be purely as an assistant. "Hell Chapel."

She folded her arms. She wasn't going to back down. "You told Kriukas you trusted me. Is that not true?"

She sounded hurt and he felt his resolution waver. She was the last person he wanted to hurt. He felt a sudden urge to reach out to her. He wondered wearily what it would be like not to have to fight every impulse when he was around her. "It's true, Chapel. I do."

"Then what are you not telling me?"

He slowly exhaled. She was always so headstrong. If he didn't tell her she'd probably find out some other way. "If I said to you that the less you knew, the safer you'd be, you wouldn't listen, would you?"

She shrugged. "Probably not."

"Fine." On her own head be it. "We – that is myself, and I think that Kriukas too – think that the virus has been deliberately engineered."

She looked far from surprised, her professional face back on. "I think my work this morning will back that." Hell, she could tell that from a mornings work? He wondered briefly what it was like to have an intellect like hers. "Do you have any idea who would do that?"

He shook his head. There were several candidates. "Four years ago the Brindi underwent a regime change. The new government is very much anti-alien – all communication with other species has been banned and any non-natives were asked to leave the planet. That included anyone who had mixed parentage too."

"That's horrible." She looked slightly shocked.

"It is, but not entirely surprising. Brinda V has some of the best trilithium deposits in the galaxy. In the past, they've been exploited by several other species – most notably the Orions. As you can imagine, the change in regime has put a lot of backs up across the galaxy."

"So one of these other species could have created the virus?"

"It's possible. Governments have toppled for less – and a decreased population would suit any race trying to conquer a planet. They'd need supporters on the surface to distribute it – but I just don't believe that the Brindi have the technology to create such a virus themselves."

"I see." She frowned at him and he had a sinking feeling. "Why exactly were you so hesitant on telling me?"

Oh hell. And now for the rest. "Because if the government finds us the less you know about anything the better."

"Why?"

"Because to them Starfleet are a hostile force like any other. They'd be a lot of questions about our motives being here. And the Brindi don't have the same policies on the treatment of prisoners like Federation planets."

He didn't have to spell it out for her. The Brindi were quite happy to torture for information, especially when the subject was alien. She didn't seem particularly worried however – more curious. She really was scared of nothing. "Why exactly _are_ we here if they resent outside help? What about the Prime Directive?"

That riled him. It always came down to that – like they were supposed to shut their eyes to people that needed their help because it was 'interfering'. He hadn't become a doctor to only treat the lucky ones who belonged to the Federation. "Damn the Prime Directive, Chapel. You think we should just let them die?"

She gave him a penetrating look. "Why are you so determined to take up _this_ fight, doctor?" He knew what she meant and it made him feel guilty. There had been others – several others - which he would have helped had Starfleet not interceded. A better doctor would have helped them anyway. But this was different. This was personal. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her that. He moved his gaze from her direct one, but those calm eyes on his face made him speak.

"I spent six months here while I was studying – Kriukis was my mentor. We started a vaccination programme – a project that the government is now thinking of blaming for all the deaths. It would suit their anti-alien campaign nicely. When Kriukis contacted me, I couldn't just do nothing. Who knows how far such an epidemic will set the Brindi back without help. The vaccines are important." How many would die from the government's scare-mongering? It made him feel sick.

Chapel shook her head slowly. "Does the captain know that the request hasn't come from the government?"

"He knows the basics, but not any of the details." He imagined that Jim suspected what was really going on – he knew the current political situation with the Brindi – but he was wise enough not to ask questions, and to stop Spock from probing too deeply. "He's the captain, Chapel. He needs full deniability in case Starfleet pick up on it and decide to discipline me. I was trying to give you the same, but you're so damned stubborn." Oh hell. He couldn't expect her to stay now. Not when she knew she was directly going against Starfleet protocol. It was too much to ask of her. "I won't blame you if you want to get beamed back up." It would be best if she did really. She'd be safe that way.

She gave him a look. "I assume that when you requested my assistance you actually needed it." She said slowly.

"Obviously." If he was honest, he wasn't sure if he could do this without her help. He'd created vaccines before, but this looked like it was going to be complex, and he wasn't sure how much time Jim could give him.

She smiled at him, then squeezed his arm. "Well then I can hardly go anywhere, can I?" She said it so easily, as if he was asking nothing of her. Hell, he didn't deserve a woman like her. He realised with a jolt that her hand was still on his, that she was sitting very, very close, and that there was that particular expression in her eyes that made something molten run through him. For a moment all he could think about was kissing her. "Shall we go and see what my results have found?" She stood up very quickly and he wondered if she'd seen his desire for her. He kicked himself and forced himself back under control. Right now he had more important things to be worrying about.

He followed her over to her computer and watched her pull up her results. She looked a little flustered. He hoped he hadn't upset her. He was going to have to be more careful or he was going to embarrass himself and damage everything they'd built.

"So this is the sequence of the earlier sample." She indicated to the top sequence on her screen, professional as always. "Not particularly virulent for Brindi."

He nodded and expanded. "Symptoms included muscle aches and joint pain, vomiting, fever and a rash, but it usually cleared after two days. The only deaths were of people with other co-morbidities."

"That makes sense." She agreed. "These are our intermediate samples." She gestured to the six sequences. "Again, not very virulent." She pointed to the final sequence on the screen. "However, this is the most recent sample – the one that is the most virulent. How long is its incubation time?"

"According to Kriukis's notes, about a week. Most are dead within two weeks from day of infection. Symptoms vary initially, but all end with haematemesis, oesophageal spasm, bronchoconstriction, tachycardia and a fever, then shock and death." Not a nice way to die. He looked closer at the screen, trying to ignore the fact she smelt of pear drops this close. "The sequence looks very different from the previous, does it not?"

She nodded. "They're only 88% alike. The rest are only 0.001% different from one another."

"Which suggests they're actually not related?"

"Yes. Even if I factor in the rate of mutation, and take into account a two week incubation the probability that this final virus would have mutated and become so virulent is insignificant." She showed him her calculations as if he wouldn't have taken her at her word. "It's been introduced into the system."

Damn. He was right. "And the other, milder virus?"

"The other virus is also too perfect to be natural." She shook her head. "But I don't understand why two viruses would have been created. Why not simply introduce the more virulent strain immediately if you're fixed on killing?"

He unfortunately knew why. "It's a probe sample. It's used to test the method of transmission and the mode of virulence so that a new virus can be engineered to take advantage of these in the most profitable way. It can also be used to cover their tracks – to make the virulent strain appear more natural – a mutation of a more basic virus, so that the finger remains pointed at the surface rather than at an alien species."

"So whoever's made this wants people to think that this virus has occurred naturally?"

"Apparently." So that things would point ever so nicely back to his vaccine – or was that coincidence? Hell, he hoped it was coincidence. Surely they couldn't know he was here. "We need to find a vaccine Chapel." Hell, the sooner they left the better.

"I've already found some promising proteins, but we're going to need to infect some cells so that we can completely map its replication cycle and see what cytokines it stimulates."

"Fine. See if you can get on with that. I'm going to repeat all of Kriukis's experiments to see if he missed anything. There has to be an obvious source and mode of transmission. His water tests came out negative, but to have so many infected suggests it has to be something large."

"Try stratifying the results of those infected – try age groups instead of geography."

"I will. I'm going to contact the Enterprise now. Let me know if you find anything."

He pulled out his communicator and began to formulate the edited version of events he was going to have to give his captain.

He worked for several hours on samples Kriukis had brought in, and new samples that he'd taken from the soil, the food, the air, insects – quite literally everything he could get his hands on. Each came back negative, as they had for Kriukis, and he grew increasingly frustrated. How the hell was this thing getting about? As far as he could tell, it couldn't even survive outside the body unless kept in very precise conditions – conditions that he doubted would be found in the environment. He would have to start looking at industrial sources – refrigerant perhaps, or hospital waste? He sat back and ran a weary hand over his face. He needed more data. It was no good working like this. He was clutching at straws.

Chapel was working hard on the other side of the room and he sat and watched her load her sample. Her actions were well practised and fluid, her face frowning slightly in concentration, completely absorbed in her task. He wondered if she was having any more luck that he was. He had the feeling that she probably wasn't. That wasn't good – she wasn't the sort of person who took failure well. He noticed a form from the window, and went to greet Kriukis as he walked in.

"Good evening."

"Tell me you managed to get some new samples, Kriukis." Hell, he needed something. He was running out of new ways to arrange the same information.

"Indeed I did. Have you made much progress?"

He exchanged a look with Christine. She was frowning a little. "Well we've confirmed what we initially suspected – it's definitely alien. Chapel's been working on a vaccine."

"I see." He gave her his full attention with a smile. He might be mistaken, but he had the feeling that his old friend was warming to her.

Christine was looking troubled. "Whoever formulated this virus made making a vaccine against difficult." She explained. "Usually, I can take a few key proteins and trigger the immune response so that the subject is able to eliminate the virus promptly. However, no combination that I've found has worked, and even a small amount of the live virus will trigger the disease." Damn it. Things were definitely not going well on her side either. He had known it wasn't going to be easy – but he hadn't thought things would be this hard. Clearly whoever had formulated the virus had expected an attempt to counteract it.

"So you think that a vaccine isn't possible?" Kriukis asked her with a frown.

"I'm not sure if I'm honest. But I'll keep trying." He didn't doubt she would.

"Perhaps we could formulate something to decrease the virulence instead? A new drug?" Kriukis suggested.

If only it were that easy. "It is possible, but to do that we need to find the source and mode of transmission, and I'm still coming up blank. Whoever built this virus is a damned genius." He rubbed his face. Hell he was tired.

"Well, you need a break. Come - Neris has brought dinner to the beach. The girls were upset that Kovas was allowed to see you and they weren't."

He frowned and glanced at Chapel. This wasn't a social visit and he didn't have time for socialising – nor did he want to cause Neris offence again by not eating her meal. And he didn't want to be haunted by the memories that came on that beach. "It's safe?"

"Yes – no one has come to this beach in years. It's too close to the jungle, and there have been a number of _Yerka_ sightings recently." Clearly Kruikis wasn't going to make this easy for him.

"We have a lot to do-."

"But we need a break." Chapel cut him off quickly with a pointed look. "Allow us to change from our uniforms just in case." What the hell? Since when was she making the decisions?

Kriukis looked amused. "As you wish. We will be on the beach." Damn it.

He waited until he'd left before he rounded on her. "What do you think you're doing, Chapel? We have enough work to do-."

"My next series won't be done for at least an hour, and the timer on your computer says something similar for yours. I think the only reason you don't want to go is because you don't want to eat local food."

Damn, damn, damn. "Is that so?"

"Yes, and incidentally, I think that's rather rude. His wife has obviously gone to the trouble of cooking for us, the least we could do is eat it."

Hell, now she sounded like his mother. "You think I'm worried about eating? You don't think that it could be because there's a damned price on our heads if we're seen?"

She frowned at him. "No, because you trust Kriukis. You wouldn't have allowed me to come if you didn't. So when he says the beach is safe, you believe him. Now stop being so paranoid and live a little."

He scowled at her. He was struck by three things from her argument. Firstly, that she trusted that he would keep her safe down here – that she didn't believe he'd walk her in to danger. He wasn't sure if he deserved that trust, but hell, he'd protect her if he could. Second, that she made him feel like an old man – when in fact, she wasn't that much younger than him. And finally, that it was hard to argue with someone that was making sense. Damn, she'd really got him this time – and on every front too. He laughed at the sheer idiocy of the situation. Bullied by his head nurse. Never did he think he'd see the day.

"Hell woman. You're going to be the death of me." He may as well give in. There was no point fighting with someone like Chapel. He turned his back on her, trying not to be too amused by the fact that there was shock on her face.

"Where are you going?" Her voice was still astonished. Why the hell should it be? He was capable of backing down – at least when someone made a decent argument. Thankfully for him, that was a relatively rare occurrence.

"To change." He picked up his pack and went to the bedroom. He was glad that he'd thrown in something that wasn't a uniform now. It had occurred to him at some point in the sleepless night before they'd left that this wasn't a planet where he'd want to waltz about in a Starfleet uniform. He pulled on the jeans and t-shirt and went to stand outside. If Christine was like any other woman she might be a while.

The sun was warm on his face and soothed some of the tension from him. One day, when this planet had a decent government in place, he'd come back here – maybe with Joanna – and go and see the ruins in the jungle, and build a new and better treehouse for Biruta, and show her how the tides varied with the pull of three moons so that you could walk from one continent to the other at certain times of year. She'd like that – she was always fascinated with the world around her. Being with her was like seeing the universe with new eyes. He wondered if she remembered what he looked like.

Chapel came out and he found himself straightening. He had grown used to her in her uniform, so that he was able to block out her appearance very effectively, but he couldn't deny, looking at her now, that she was a very beautiful woman. It made something ache inside him – and made him feel simultaneously nervous. Hell, he wasn't a teenager, and this wasn't a date.

"Ready Chapel?"

She smiled at him. It didn't help his nerves very much. "You make it sound as if we're about to do something awful. It's only dinner."

"I'll remind you of that." He had a hypospray in his pocket in preparation – but had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to get food poisoning. Ironically, it gave him a strange sense of freedom. He stepped aside and allowed Chapel down the path ahead of him, watching her graceful walk and the way her shirt fitted her curves nicely. He shook himself and attempted to stop himself objectivising his head nurse.

"How many children does Kriukis have?"

"Three – two daughters and a son."

"How old are they?"

"Age is a relative term. The Brindi grow far slower that Humans. The youngest was a babe in arms last time I was here." Little Biruta. He'd delivered her. Her name meant 'miracle child' – and she was that – he'd almost lost both mother and infant out in the jungle when she'd gone into labour.

"When were you last here? You said that you came here twice?"

"Yes."

"So you came here once when you were studying. When was the other time?" Damn it. He didn't want to talk about Caroline – not with her. He'd been very different then.

She looked back at him. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that." There was a look of understanding in her eyes – she understood that he couldn't talk about everything. It made him want to tell her what he could.

He shrugged and attempted to say it as lightly as he could. "My honeymoon."

She stared at him, her face unreadable as she walked backwards for a second. Then she promptly walked into a tree and fell over. "Damn it, watch where you're walking."He picked her up and turned her around to face him. He was surprised at the look in her eyes. It wasn't what he'd expected.

"I'm fine. Sorry." She sounded like she was laughing. She was laughing at him? Oh hell.

"Is something funny, Chapel?" The idea that he'd taken his wife here?

"I was just thinking that you must be the only person I know that has to take all their own food on their honeymoon." She grinned at him, and for a second he was stunned. Then he rolled his eyes. Good grief. Of all the things to take from his statement, she took that. She really was something else. However, he had to admit her reaction made him feel a lot better.

"Come on. Try not to let any more trees jump out at you." She laughed and followed him down to the beach.

"There you are!" Kovas greeted them, his eyes appraising Christine in a way that made him want to give the boy a shake, especially when he took her hands and led her to the table.

"Doctor McCoy." Neris had changed as little as her husband. She was a handsome, intelligent woman, always warm and hospitable to the strangers that her husband had made a habit of bringing home. "It has been too long."

"Neris, as accommodating as ever. You-." His sentence was cut off when a small, white-haired blur, threw herself at his legs.

"Lada." Neris reprimanded.

He picked up the girl, and looked her over seriously. A game they had once played. "This is Lada?" Lada had always been his favourite of the children – a small scientist in the making. A week into his studies here she had almost drowned in the ocean attempting to swim out after her brother. He'd happened to be on the beach, and had resuscitated her. Afterwards she'd followed him about like a shadow. He'd found it irritating at first – she questioned almost everything he did – something not very helpful for a young medical student still finding his feet, but he'd grown to respect her young mind. "You've grown."

The girl giggled. "Thank you." She'd often remarked that Brindi didn't grow quick enough – and it was very inconvenient for a child who had things to be doing. She'd always told him that when she was grown she was going to come and work with him.

"And you speak Standard too." He smiled at her. She was working hard.

"Dad is teaching me."

"You are doing well. You'll be fluent in no time." She blushed with pride and he set her down. She took his hand near automatically. It made him miss Joanna.

"I'm glad you came." Kriukis said with a smile. "For a moment there I didn't think you would. Lucky for you your colleague knows you well."

"Lucky for me." He muttered his response, and Kriukis laughed. "You've worked together for long?"

"Seven Earth months or so."

"So short – to know one another's habits so well." He gave him a penetrating look and he felt the need to justify himself.

"We work every day together in stressful circumstances. We're bound to have become used to one another."

"Indeed. How used?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not like that, Kriukis."

The man chuckled knowingly. "But you'd like it to be." The Brindi had an unfortunate ability to read his emotions like a book. "Come, let's eat."

They sat down at the table and his stomach churned uncomfortably at its contents, and more so when the food was put in front of him. Christine sat at his side, eating comfortably – she would probably be comfortable anywhere. He'd love to see what she made of the Klingons one day. He forced himself to eat – and he did slowly. Once his stomach had got over the initial shock, he had to admit that it didn't taste too bad. It was edible at any rate. Neris collected his plate at the end and gave him a smile.

"I imagine my wife is wondering what has come over you, to be eating her food."

"You know I've never meant to disrespect her. The Human stomach is a lot weaker than the Brindi." He protested.

"And yet here you are."

"Chapel thought it would be disrespectful to refuse. I'd never want to disrespect your wife."

"Well, you've pleased her by eating." Neris was talking to Christine, and gave him a rather pointed look that made him wonder if he'd pleased her at all. "I believe that my daughters are about to abduct your friend." He watched as they pulled her down the beach enthusiastically. She didn't look like she minded. "She likes children?" He knew he was thinking of Caroline, who most certainly hadn't liked children.

As for Chapel, he had no idea. There weren't any children on the Enterprise, and he'd never had much time to watch her with those that came aboard the ship. "I think so." She liked everybody.

Kriukis gave him a chuckle. "Well they seem to like her. She'll be a good mother."

He nodded. "I'm sure she will be." He wasn't sure what to make of the emotions that flared to life on that statement. However, they were quickly dimmed when he saw that Kovas was following her down the beach.

Neris came to join them with a gentle smile and all too seeing eyes as Kriukis began to light torches. "How are you, Leonard?"

"Fine. And you?"

"I am well. The children keep me busy."

"I can imagine."

She touched his arm companionably. "I was sorry to hear about Caroline." Kriukis must have told her. She gave him a look of understanding.

"I am too." She must have known, as he didn't, that his marriage was over before they'd even left this planet. Part of him wished she would have told him. The other part knew that he wouldn't have listened even if she had.

"But you are recovering well?"

"I'm fine." The first few years had been bad, but now he barely thought about her. Now all he thought about was Chapel. Which, when he thought about it, wasn't any better – he'd traded one unobtainable woman for another.

"Christine is very different from Caroline." Neris said quietly.

"Yes she is." He replied slowly. Caroline was tempestuous by nature, exuberant and brilliant one moment, but prone to bouts of melancholy the next. She was an artist – a fairly good one – and had an artist's love of beautiful things and nature. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, and he'd liked the fact that she said what she thought and felt. However, she could also be unfeeling, unkind and self-obsessed. She'd been rude to Lada after a few days of the girl, and she didn't understand his job – that sometimes he couldn't just come home at the end of a shift – that sometimes he had to put other people first. Christine, on the other hand, was almost her opposite. She was calm and collected, patient and always kind. She would expect him to put others first, because to her, that was the right thing to do. But when it came to her emotions she was an enigma. He had only seen her true feelings on just a few occasions – when she let him in. There seemed so many sides to her personality – ones that he'd barely scratched the surface of really. She was reliable and selfless, she made him laugh, she spoke her mind when she thought it necessary, and built him up as easily as she took him down. And occasionally, mostly when they were fighting, he saw the passion that she kept hidden and it made him desperate to know her even more, even as he tried to keep his distance.

"She is a better match for you, I think."

He glanced at his companion. Not her too. "We're not like that."

She looked surprised. "Forgive me. I meant no offence. I just assumed-."

"She assumed that because you were in love with her you would be together." Kriukis finished, putting an arm around his wife affectionately.

"Am I that obvious?"

"To us. Why are you not together? Does she not care for you?" Neris looked intrigued.

He shook his head. "I doubt it. It's hard to know." She was occasionally affectionate towards him sometimes which made him think that she was fond of him, but she'd never given him any reason to think she thought of him more than a friend.

"You haven't asked her?"

"I can't ask her. Because of our professions we are prohibited from being together."

Kriukis shook his head. "That seems illogical to me. People work better when they're settled."

He smiled. "It's a little more complicated than that." A whole lot more complicated. "Come, let me help you clear up." Thinking about how he could never have her was not helping his mood. If only he'd met her years ago – before he'd joined Starfleet. Before he'd married Caroline. But no, he couldn't regret that – she'd given him Joanna. He'd never regret her.

He helped them pack away the food and the table as the sun went down and they talked about past acquaintances and old memories.

Neris smiled up the beach somewhat later. "They're back." He felt a pang of something in the dying light when he saw her – Lada's arm was around her waist and she was chattering happily to her, Kovas' arm around her shoulder, holding Biruta. They looked like a family – her sweet smile directed at the little girl as Kovas held her close. He was jealous he realised – not of Kovas exactly – but of the fact that he was where he wanted to be, of the fact that one day she might have her own family and it wouldn't be him that got to hold her close as their child slept on his shoulder. The thought shocked him and left him floundering. Did he care for her that much? That he wanted a family with her? He knew the answer to that, and for the first time he felt scared of the intensity of his feelings for her. Lada came and hugged him as if picking up on his mood and he gave himself a mental shake. Time to get back to work.

She was smoothing her hair as he approached. "Had fun, Chapel?" He looked her up and down in the torchlight and realised that she was wet and sandy and looked appealingly dishevelled. The effect of playing with children, he thought with amusement.

"In a manner of speaking. Kovas decided to soak me."

"Did he now?" Kovas on the other hand, was more than a child and might need to be taught a thing or two about how to treat a woman.

She smiled softly at him. "It's fine. He got his desserts. I need to go and check my experiments."

A reminder why they were really here. Why was he finding it so hard to remember his duty at the moment? "Come on then. Kriukis?"

"Coming." The man said something in Brindi to his wife – he had a bad feeling it was about them, and they all walked back up to the lab.

She was at her scanner as soon as they walked through the door. He watched her, and shared her look of disappointment when she shook her head.

"Still no luck." He told Kriukis.

"How can I help you?" His friend asked, and he tried to stay focus, and not notice that Kovas had cornered Chapel again.

"I need more data from the victim's lives. Surely they're collecting it." He hoped they were. If not this really would be a witch-hunt.

"I am not sure, but I'll see if I can get into the servers."

"Thank you. I'm going to need samples too – industrial ones. There's no way this is getting around in the environment. It's got to be carried in something that is properly refrigerated. Any ideas?"

The man nodded slowly. "I have a few. I'll see what I can do."

"How many died today?" He couldn't help but ask.

"In our hospital, fifty-six. I don't know the city statistics yet, but it will be considerably higher."

"It's definitely not getting any better."

"No it's not. One of Lada's friend's is one of the victims – I haven't had the heart to tell her yet. It's getting to the point where everyone knows someone effected."

"And the government?"

"No one's spoken out directly against them, but they can't completely contain it – and people are beginning to see the extent of the problem. It's only a matter of time before they have to address it – or our people will address it for them. I fear that they will be very quick to blame any lead they have and leave it there."

"Hell."

"Yes. You must be very careful. I have a feeling that they may suspect that I am also looking at the data."

"Don't endanger yourself, Kriukis."

"I will not, but it is not me that I am really endangering. You may have to beam back up to your ship."

He frowned. He would if he absolutely had to – if it was necessary to keep Chapel safe. "It hasn't got to that point yet. Well keep at it. Chapel will find a vaccine."

"I believe that she will."

Lada ran over and embraced him, and he realised that they were leaving. It made him feel sad really – that he hadn't had a chance to see more of their family. "Goodbye doctor. I hope you come and visit us, but if not, I'll come and see you."

He chuckled. "I imagine you would, too. Sleep well." Next time it was safe he would come back and visit them. He'd bring Christine too, if she wanted to come. He watched Kovas kiss her cheek and took that thought back. He was most definitely not bringing her back here. He wondered if she saw how much the boy liked her. She met his eyes with a smile and he looked away. Clearly not.

"I've put extra blankets in the bedroom." Neris told them. "I know how cold Humans get at night."

"Especially when they're sleeping alone." Kriukis murmured and he gave him a pointed look. He hoped Christine hadn't heard that. The last thing he wanted her to be worrying about that he wanted to share a bed with her. Especially when it was true.

"I apologise that there is only one bed. If I'd known I would have tried to have another one brought up…" Neris continued.

"Don't worry – we'll work something out." Chapel was quick to reassure her.

"We probably won't be sleeping much anyhow." He added.

Kriukis laughed softly. "Will you not?"

Damn it. He hadn't thought that might be misconstrued. "What I meant was that we're going to have to be up every few hours to check on our tests."

"Ah, of course."

He pulled himself together. He was not going to allow himself to be embarrassed by the Brindi. . "You'll bring the samples that I need tomorrow?"

"Yes, my friend. Goodnight. Goddess keep you safe."

"And you." He watched them leave, arms around one another. Then he stood and watched Chapel, trying to collect himself.

"You should be careful of Kovas, Chapel." The words were out of his mouth before he'd thought them through. Damn it. He was going to sound jealous now.

"Why?"

"Because he likes you." He'd ask her to stay if she wasn't careful. What if she considered saying yes? She seemed to like him back.

"He's not much more than a boy, doctor." Her voice was mild and made him feel better.

"In Earth years he's older than you." Something forced him to speak the truth, despite himself.

She turned to him, eyes guarded. "Well I'm sure I won't break his heart - he's only known me for a day."

She clearly didn't understand Brindi men. Once they were in love that was it – they were constant for the rest of their lives. Few women could resist such devotion. "Brindi take matters of the heart far more seriously than Humans. You should tread carefully."

She sighed. "I'll try and be gentle, doctor." She turned back to her experiment and he was glad that conversation was over. Why the hell he'd done that to himself he would never know. "They're a lovely family. Are all Brindi families so close?"

"The majority. Their family unit's are far more harmonious than you see in Humans. Men and women marry for life – divorce doesn't exist, and children always stay close to home." It was bliss or hell, depending on your beliefs.

"I suppose they have more time to make sure that they're marrying the right person. And more time to build relationships with their children." He'd failed at both of those things – but he wasn't sure that that was because of time.

"I suppose so." He turned to his experiment and they said little else as they both worked on their separate desks.

He contacted the Enterprise again a few hours later. Jim was relatively sombre at the news that they still hadn't made any progress. He knew he was hoping to leave here soon – orbiting a planet that was anti-Federation was going to raise some eyebrows. The less time they were here the better. But there wasn't much he could do when every result was negative. Hell, he didn't know what he was going to do if he couldn't find the source.

He walked back into the lab and looked across as Christine. She had fallen asleep on her elbow facing her computer. He felt a wave of compassion for her. She'd been up a long time – almost 24 hours, but Earth's standards. She wasn't used to sleep deprivation in the way he was.

"Chapel?" He stroked her cheek gently.

She woke with a start, sitting up so quickly that she almost hit him in the face. "Sorry." She looked guilty and he forced himself to take a step back.

"You all right?"

She frowned and rubbed her eyes wearily. "Just tired. And frustrated – nothing I do is working."

"You should go and get some sleep."

"No, I need to finish this." He nodded. He knew there was no point arguing. Besides, he needed her to finish it too. Her eyes were soft on his. "What do we do if we can't find a vaccine, doctor?"

Hell, he couldn't think about that. It made him feel nauseous. "You'll find a vaccine." She was one of the most talented scientists he'd ever met – comparable only to Spock. If a vaccine could be synthesised, she'd be the one to do it.

"I have one more set to run, and then I'm out of ideas." She admitted slowly. He could see the worry in her eyes. "How's your side of things coming?"

He sat down on a chair next to her. "No better. This is one hell of a situation."

"I know." He watched her carefully load her next batch with steady hands. She sat back down next to him and watched the equipment. "Have you contacted the Enterprise?"

"Yes. I've told them that this might take some time. Jim said he could give us a few more days."

She nodded and they sat and watched her readout for a while. "I wonder how the sickbay's managing without us." She finally commented.

"I'm sure they're fine. You did leave them a rather massive list of instructions." He'd learnt a while ago that she liked to be prepared for every eventuality.

"So did you." She pointed out with a smile. "I suppose they'll beam us up if there's anything they can't deal with."

"Exactly." He assured her. She yawned and laid her on her hand again as her eyes slowly drifted shut. He smiled to himself and stood up and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Come on Chapel."

"I'm fine." Of course she was. He put his hands under her elbows and helped her to her feet.

"You need some sleep." He told her firmly. She was going to sleep anyway, and the bed would be more comfortable.

"Really Doctor, I need to see this finish."

"Hell, it will wait for a few hours. You said yourself you don't have any more ideas after this. Now stop arguing."

She fixed him with a look. "Only if you come too."

"Don't be ridiculous." Hell, he wasn't expecting her to say that. His heart sped up despite itself.

"Don't pretend that you're not as tired as I am." She had a point. He was exhausted, and it wasn't doing much for his frustration. Despite his better judgement he followed her to the bedroom.

The bed would have taken them both. He knew it for a fact because he and Caroline had once shared it. That was a thought that didn't belong in the same room as Chapel. He pulled a pile of blankets from the bed and laid them on the floor. He could feel her eyes on him and didn't dare meet them. Hell, he wasn't sure if he trusted himself in here with her.

"You know, I don't mind sleeping on the floor." Good grief. As if he was going to take the bed and let her have the floor. He still had some self-respect.

"Chapel, don't even try it." He glanced at her and she sat down on the bed without further protest. Thank goodness. She was already testing him more than she knew.

"Well goodnight."

"Goodnight." He watched her remove her shoes and get under the blankets as he went to switch off the light. He lay down on the floor and listened to her breath. It became rhythmic quickly and he guessed she had fallen asleep. It must be nice to fall asleep so easily. He was tired, but her presence had stirred him to awakeness. It took him a long time to fall asleep.

A hand clamped over his mouth as something shook him awake. Instead of struggling he groped for his phaser and pressed it against his assailant's neck. He'd learnt on his first away mission never to sleep without a phaser next to him.

"It's me." She breathed in his ear and he dropped it immediately. Damn, was she trying to get herself shot, waking him like that? Then he felt alarm. Why had she woken him?

He sat up and she moved away. "What's wrong?"

"There's someone outside."

Damn it. He didn't doubt her – she wasn't the sort of person to make that sort of mistake. He stood silently and checked the setting on his phaser. "Stay here." He crept out of the room, heart pumping hard.

The lab was quiet and dark and he kept to the walls. The doors were intact – which meant they were still outside. That was a relief. She'd be safe in here. He opened the door and let himself out. For a moment he just listened. Jim had taught him never to go running into a situation. A crack of sticks told him that someone was still there among the trees. He silently made his way forwards and crouched, listening for another sound that would make him give himself away. A shot thumped into a tree nearby him, and he moved quickly away. Clearly whoever it was wasn't out just to scout. He'd better find him, before he was found first. He made his way as silently he could towards the denser trees – it would be a good hiding place for whoever was trying to shoot him.

"Doctor!" He reflexively hit the floor as the shots flew past him, then shot in the direction they had been fired. He heard an exclamation – he'd made his mark, but then more shots rang out in the direction Chapel had shouted from. He heard a body thud to the ground, and the crashing of running feet that assured him that the assailant was getting away. Damn it.

"Chapel!" Where the hell was she? Heart in his mouth he ran towards her general direction and narrowly avoided tripping over her fallen form. He knelt down and turned her over.

"I'm fine." She sounded slightly shaken, but picked herself up.

"Damn it, I thought I told you to stay in the room?" Why the hell did she never listen to him? She could have been hurt. How was he supposed to live with himself then?

"I was attempting to stop you getting shot." A small voice pointed out that if she hadn't have come, there would be a bullet in him. "Shall we follow him?" She sounded calm again. At least one of them was.

"Hell woman." He pulled her to her feet feeling irritated. "There's a good idea. Let's go running through the jungle in the dark after a man with a gun who has who knows how many friends waiting on his return. Good grief, don't you have a modicum of common sense?"

"Common sense is telling me that we'd better find him before he tells the authorities and we have more to worry about than the jungle in the dark." Right then he wasn't bothered about that. She turned and he grabbed her arm. She wasn't going anywhere. Hell, one day she needed to have a healthy dose of his fear.

"Leave it, Chapel. Whoever it was is long gone. I'm not watching you shot at again." His heart couldn't take it.

To his surprise, instead of arguing she paused. Then she turned to him in the darkness, gently put her hands on his chest and kissed him softly on the cheek. He wasn't sure what that meant, but it touched him more than he could say. He wrapped his arms around her and knew he was lost as he touched her face in the darkness. Hell, he would do anything to protect her. And right now she was in his arms, and she wasn't moving away. He leaned in slowly in, the feel of her blocking out any coherent thought.

"Eureka." Her voice jolted him back to sanity and he let go of her quickly. Damn it. _Damn it_. What the hell was he thinking?

"What?" His racing heart reminded him exactly what he had been thinking. Good grief, that had been close. Thankfully, she had gracefully rescued him from that disaster.

"Eureka." She repeated. "I think I know how to create the vaccine." She took his hand and he had to force himself to think clearly and not to pull her back into his arms. "Come on." He dropped her hand and forced himself to calmness as he followed her back. She switched on the lights and began to pull up files on her computer as he collected himself. She had kissed him on the cheek because she was a nice person, and she could sense his worry. It was meant to comfort him. That was all. He needed to focus on this damn vaccine rather than his raging testosterone. She was a professional – she was going to act like nothing had happened and so would he. And he'd make sure it didn't happen again.

"I assumed that a vaccine would have to be based on the Brindi immune response – but what if it didn't." She explained as she worked.

"Why wouldn't it be?" He wasn't sure he followed.

"Well I'd initially thought that the virus had been formulated from an existing Brindi virus – but actually, the sequence has little in common with your database of existing viruses, so on an off-chance I ran it through Starfleet's database. The results should be here. Now look."

He moved slightly closer, just close enough that he could see her screen. "It's based on an Orion virus?" Hell, that made sense. He wished he had her mind.

"It's likely. Therefore, perhaps if we formulate a vaccine based on a combination of viral and Orion host proteins we might have some success."

He nodded. That's a good idea. You select some of the most promising viral proteins you've found, and I'll have a look at the Orion's and see if I can find any that will trigger a good response." They had something here – that was certain.

"Ok." She smiled at him- all was forgiven apparently - and he gave her a smile of his own.

A whistle made them both jump and he picked up his comm. from his desk. "McCoy here."

"How's it going doctor?" Jim's voice sounded strange and out of place.

"We're making some progress."

"That's good to hear. We're picking up a distress call from a ship a few lightyears from here – apparently they're adrift and require assistance. We shouldn't be gone for more than a day. Do you want to beam back up?"

He paused. "Do they have any casualties?"

"No – it's just their ship."

He glanced at Chapel. He should make her leave. He didn't know what the attack on them meant, but it certainly wasn't good. When she shook her head he frowned at her, but knew he didn't have much choice. They needed this vaccine.

"No, we'll stay down here."

"Everything all right?" Jim had picked up on the edge in his voice.

"Everything's swell." Just another typical away mission. He wondered what it would be like not to be attacked on one.

"You don't need anything?"

"No – especially not of the Vulcan variety before you ask." Definitely the last thing he needed.

"Well all right. We'll be out of communicator range for a while but we'll contact you as soon as we're back."

"Fine. McCoy out." He stared at his communicator for a moment as a feeling of fear began to creep through him. He should have made her leave. They were alone now. If anything happened… He met her eyes and frowned. "Don't just stand there, Chapel. We have work to do." So began their second day.

"McCoy?" The shout came from up the path and Kriukis came into view quickly, carrying the small form of his daughter.

"Damn it." He went to meet his friend, his heart already sinking. "Lay her on the bed. How long has she been like this?"

"Neris went to wake her this morning and found her like it." Chapel handed him a scanner and began to see to Lada. The girl looked seriously ill.

"The rest of your family is all right?"

"Yes. I didn't know what to do. We can't rouse her. I knew I had to bring her to you. She has the virus?"

He didn't need to check his scanner, but did anyway. Damn it. "I'm afraid so."

Chapel turned the small girl's form just in time to stop her choking on her own vomit. The scanner was frustratingly unhelpful and he put it away and lay the girl back. Chapel wiped her face with gentle eyes. Hell, there had to be something – something that could give him a clue as to how she was infected. He began with her hands and examined her carefully for anything – a bite or scratch – something that would indicate some form of entry. He found what he was looking for on her neck. It made his stomach contort.

"Chapel, come and look at this."

She came to his side and looked where he was indicating. "A puncture mark?" She asked him quietly.

"Perhaps." Oh hell, please say he was wrong. "Kriukis, was Lada on the vaccination program?"

The man paused. "Of course she was – she's my daughter." His voice was quiet but intense.

"When was she vaccinated?"

"Over a year ago."

"And her booster? When was that?"

The man shook his head. "I don't know. She was due for one, but the school carry them out. It may have been recent. You don't think…?"

Every suddenly made perfect sense. The spread of infection – the seemingly random statistics. "Our program may be the perfect means of the virus distribution – they would simply have to swap the sprays. It fits in nicely with the data – and explains the spread, and why we can't find any evidence of the virus in the environment."

"Goddess and her angels…" That was one way of putting the seriousness of the situation that they now found themselves in. Hell, if he'd even thought this was what he'd find he would have forced Chapel back onto the ship kicking and screaming.

"You need to find out if Lada had her booster in the last few days. If she did, you need to make sure the vaccination program ceases immediately."

"Yes. Of course. There are going to be a lot of pointing fingers, McCoy." He didn't need to be reminded of that.

"You'd better lay low for a while. We had a prowler last night. Someone suspects something."

"You should go back to your ship."

"Our ship isn't in orbit at the moment. Besides, we think we might have found a way to make a viable vaccine. That's more important right now."

"I'll send Kovas to act as a lookout." That was a good idea.

"Fine. We'll keep an eye on Lada. Do I have your permission to test a vaccine on her if I decide that it is safe?"

"Of course."

"Thank you. Now go and stop the vaccinations."

"Yes. I will be back later."

"No – don't come back. Send Kovas if you need to communicate. I don't know how closely they'll watch you."

"Yes, of course. Goodbye my friend. Goddess bless." He hugged him with feeling, kissed his daughter and left at speed. Lada. He couldn't let anything happen to her. Right now he needed to focus on her. He picked up his scanner and gave the girl a hypospray.

"I'm sorry." Chapel's voice was quiet behind him.

"For what?" He smoothed back the girl's hair, then tucked a blanket around her. She looked very young and innocent in the bed like this – nothing like the child who had firmly told him that he might be a doctor, but he was also sometimes an idiot.

"Whoever it is, they're deliberately trying to make it look like it's your vaccine. All your work on this planet – all your progress…" She was sorry for him. He was too. For putting her in danger like this. For failing to have found the cause earlier. Because he hadn't thought that someone could have seriously been that depraved.

"That doesn't matter now, Chapel." All that mattered was the little girl who was dying in front of him, and all those that were dying across the continent. "Have you selected the proteins?"

"Yes. And you?"

"I have a few good candidates. Let's put together our best and run them."

"All right. Lada…?"

"She'll be all right for a few hours. I've given her something to bring down her temperature and stop her vomiting. She's not in any danger yet. Come on, Chapel." She followed him back into the lab and they began their new set of experiments.

They'd collaborated their results and Chapel had began her next series as he divided his time between the lab and Lada. He felt his anxiety grow with each passing hour. They were running out of time, and so was she.

"Doctor?" Chapel had come to find him as he monitored Lada again.

"Chapel?" She looked excited.

"It works. We have a viable vaccine."

"You're sure?"

"I ran a whole series. Everyone came back positive." She smiled and he allowed himself to slowly breath. Thank goodness.

"Good. I'll run some safety protocols." He immediately moved out to the lab and began work. Hell, if the Goddess existed, he hoped that she would hear the prayer of an unbeliever like him. Just let this work. It took him an hour to make sure it was safe for injection. Chapel sat and watched him and the screen. He thought she might be praying as hard as he was.

"It's safe. I'm not sure whether it will work, but it won't do any harm." He told her. She nodded and went to check on Lada. He distilled it into a hypospray and went to find them both.

Chapel was humming something, stroking the hair of the little girl.

"Ready?" He came beside her and she nodded. Here he went. He reached down and injected Lada. Then began their wait.

He scanned her every fifteen minutes for the next three hours. There had been no response for the first hour, but then her temperature had slowly began to drop and her breathing to ease and he finally allowed himself to hope.

"It's looking promising, Chapel." He told her, and she smiled her relief.

A bang at the door forced him to the door with his phaser, as Chapel jumped to her feet.

"It's me, doctor." Kovas was out of breath and soaking wet.

"Hell, what happened?"

"You need to get out of here. There's a whole bunch of people coming for you. They have juros."

"Juros?" Christine looked confused.

"Like sniffer dogs. How far are they?"

"About five clicks. I had to swim out to get around them."

"Damn it." He'd thought they'd have more time than that. "You need to take Lada and get out of here."

"What about you?"

"We have a vaccine now. They should listen to us."

Kovas shook his head hard. "I don't think they will. They're not normal soldiers. There was an Orion with them."

Oh hell. "You're sure?"

"Green skinned, red hair."

"Damn it. Chapel, go and grab your bag."

She didn't hesitate as he began to download their files from the computer onto PADDs.

"You're going to wipe it?" She asked him with a frown.

"Yes. We'll have to leave the equipment." They'd have to leave almost everything.

"Where are you going to go?" Kovas asked.

"We'll go into the jungle. It should provide us with enough hiding places until our ship returns." It would for Christine at least. "Now go and get your sister. She's in the bedroom." Kovas nodded and disappeared from the room.

"You think we're going to be able to outrun them?" Chapel asked. She sounded calm, but he knew her well.

"We'll do our damned best. You have everything you need? We're going to have to move fast."

"Yes." He loved the fact she didn't fuss in situations like these.

"Good." He wiped the computers and put the PADDs in his pack. Kovas came out carrying his sister. "I don't think they'll trouble you, Kovas, but try not to be seen just in case."

"I'll swim out with her if I have to."

"Good." His opinion of the boy increased ten-fold. He'd keep his sister safe. "Tell your father that the vaccine appears to work. If necessary he can distill it from Lada's blood." He hoped he could. He wasn't sure about that.

"I'll remember." The barking was getting close. Hell, they had no time.

"Good. Go now."

"Be careful." Christine added.

Kovas smiled at her winningly. "I will."

They left through the bedroom window and he broke into a run immediately as shouting came from all around them. Not for the first time he was glad that all his mad running about with Jim kept him fit. They sprinted through the jungle and he led her as deeply as he could before she began to fall behind. He stopped and she leant against a tree to catch her breath, eyes on him. He'd known since this morning that they'd come for him – and that they probably wouldn't be able to escape on foot. He'd promised himself he'd protect her. He'd have to do the one thing he could think of to keep her – and their data - safe. She wasn't going to like it.

He reached into his bag and gave her the PADDs. "Take these, Chapel."

"Why?" She looked confused. She still hadn't realised what he would have to do.

"Because we can't keep this up, and they're not going to stop until they catch one of us."

"What? No! There has to be a way of dulling our scent and hiding or-."

"Damn it Chapel. This is not the time to argue with me. Take the PADDs." He was not going to let her say no. Not to this. She took them slowly. He could already see the thought behind her eyes as she attempted to formulate a plan, another way so that he wouldn't have to do this. He loved her for that – but he'd had a lot longer to think this through. He took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him, tried to impress on her that she had to comply. "Listen to me. Run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you're sure you're safe. Wait until the Enterprise makes contact." He handed her his communicator and phaser as the juros grew closer.

"Doctor… Wait…" Damn, she was arguing even now.

"Hell Chapel – I'm ordering you to do this. Don't you dare disobey me. You need to keep those PADDs safe."

"But what about you?" He knew what this meant for him.

"Don't worry about me. I don't matter." He kissed her on the forehead. Hell, he loved her so much. He turned her around and pushed her away from him. "Now run, Chapel. Run!"

He watched her sprint away then turned in the opposite direction ready to meet his fate.

Leonard McCoy had never been sure how he was going to die, but had the feeling that fate would make it a demeaning way just to spite him. Consequently, he took care of his food and avoided transporters, whilst simultaneously being friends with Jim Kirk and serving as CMO on the Enterprise. However, on his thirtieth lash of the whip, it occurred to him that he might have been wrong after all. He blacked out soon after that, so he never had a chance to decide. He was awoken by cold water being thrown over his head and he realised that he was hanging from his arms in a dark cell. He had the feeling that things were going to get more aggressive now. He'd withstood one round of questioning without too much problem but now things were going to get ugly. Thank goodness Christine was safe.

The man watching him had a thin face and cropped white hair braided at the front. He was fairly sure he was a new face.

"Leonard McCoy?" He said nothing. "I know that is your name. Tell me it is your name, doctor." He said nothing. The man nodded and an electric surge so intense he couldn't scream ran through his body through his chains. He was breathing heavily by the time it was over. Hell, he wasn't sure how many times he was going to be able to take that. His back screamed in agony and he wasn't sure whether he'd dislocated his shoulders.

"Tell me your name, doctor." He made no response. "Again." The man indicated, and the pain ripped through him.

"Perhaps we should try another question." The man said when it was over and he was gasping, chin on his chest. "Why did you build the virus?"

That irritated him. Why the façade? "We both know that I didn't build the virus."

"Is that so? Then who did?"

"Perhaps you should speak to your friends the Orions?"

The man stared at him calmly. "Do you really think that will work, doctor? Trying to shift the blame from yourself to another species. It was your vaccine that was used to carry the virus, after all."

"If I was going to create a virus, do you really think I'd be so stupid to put it in my own vaccine? Why would I create another vaccine in the first place?"

"Our evidence says that you and Starfleet have been planning this for years, since the first time you came to our planet. Your 'vaccine' was always going to be used as a cover." Good grief. That must have sounded hollow, even in his ears. "We know what Starfleet are doing. They want our trilithium. Well they cannot have it. This scheme will not work now. We've found the source."

"_You_ found the source?" He laughed despite himself, but was made quickly mute by the electricity.

"McCoy – admit that you are the person behind the vaccine and this will be over."

"Go to hell."

The pain ripped through him again – but he was ready this time and pictured her, her hands on his chest, her lips on his cheek in the dark. When it was over he met the Brindi's eyes with a smile. Let him think that he could take this all day. He wasn't going to admit to something he hadn't done – not when Starfleet would be implicated.

The man folded his arms. "Do the decent thing doctor. Admit the truth. The Orions say that if you admit the truth they will aid us to create a vaccine."

"Is that so?" So they didn't know that he'd made a vaccine. That meant the PADDs were safe, and so was Christine – at least for now. But she knew their importance – she wouldn't do anything stupid to compromise them. He didn't doubt the Orions would make sure they were destroyed given half a chance.

"Do you think your ship will save you? The Orions told us about that too. They drew it away, so that you had nowhere to flee. Starfleet will be made to pay their price for the lives they have taken from us." Oh hell. The Enterprise. That made him angry. "So now you know that there is no hope of rescue you will tell us the truth."

Hell, he was dead anyway. "Go to hell."

"You had a female with you, did you not?" He felt something inside him freeze. "You don't need to answer that. We know you do. We're tracking her at the moment. It won't be long until we have her too. Admit to everything, and we won't torture her. If you don't I will personally make sure she wishes she were dead for two days. And after I've broken her, and she's admitted to your involvement, I will make her watch you die." Anger coursed through him. If they so much as touched her… "Or better yet – we'll inject you with this." He showed him a hypospray. "And you can die slowly in front of her the way you have killed our people."

The fury heated him. "Damn you. You know I'm not to blame for this. If you stop looking for the real people doing this the lives will be on your head and you'll be happy as Orion slaves." His people were still dying – and this was only the beginning. They just couldn't see past their own noses. Damn them.

The Brindi hit him hard. Then, smiling he injected him with the virus. "You deserve this, doctor. Either way, you are going to die in this prison, and you will admit to it in the end." He nodded aagain and he held no resistance over the pain that ran through him – his anger had weakened him. He passed out eventually, and when he came to, he was alone.

"Doctor?" Damn they'd come for him again. Last time he'd been back he'd told him that the next time they'd visit they'd have Chapel. If they hurt her he swore he'd kill them. Every one of them, starting with the man who tortured him. He opened his eyes angrily but could barely make out the form inside the darkness of the cell. "Doctor McCoy? It's Christine."

What the…? For a moment he thought he was hallucinating, but she looked very solid, worry in her eyes. "Oh hell." She'd come for him. Somehow, she'd come for him. Damn the woman. Why the hell would she never let him keep her safe?

She shot his chains and he fell into a heap on the floor, every joint hurting. "Can you walk?"

"Yes." His adrenaline was helping to ease the pain, at least for now. He noticed she had her bag with her. Oh hell. "Damn it, please tell me you didn't bring-."

"No, of course not." Thank goodness. The last thing they needed was her walking the PADDs into the hands of their captors. She was glancing out of the door. How had she even got in here? "Put these on." She threw him some clothes and he barely caught them. He imagined she had some reason for making him change. She politely turned her back and he did his best to put them on quickly as his body screamed and his mind raced. Somehow she was here, rescuing him. The implications of that sentence were enormous.

"Done."

"Come on."

He followed her out of the door. "Chapel, you and I need to have a talk about following orders." He growled. If she started showing this sort of insubordination in the sickbay he and her were going to have words.

"When we get out of here. Now be quiet." There were footsteps coming towards them, but she led him in the other direction towards the darkness.

"Do you even know where you're going?" He muttered, beginning to doubt her. He heard voices coming towards them and pulled her into an open cell, arms holding her still. He didn't dare let her go. She'd just broken into a prison - he couldn't be sure what she'd do when she was in such a mood. And she felt good and real in his arms, her hair brushing his chin, as the guards walked past. He let out a breath when they'd passed and let her go. "Damn it. Let's get out of here." He needed out of this hell hole.

She led him to a staircase, and they began to descend, despite the fact he could definitely hear voices at the bottom. She paused on one of the lower flights and pulled out her tricorder as he attempted to catch his breath from his constricting chest. She pressed a button, and an explosion went off, shaking the stairs.

"Hell, Chapel." How had she just done that? She smiled at him innocently and he didn't have time to inquire as sounds of running feet approached them. He pulled the phaser from her and shot the two men running towards them, guns drawn, then half-tumbled down the rest of the stairs and shot the remaining five in the room below. She was climbing out of the window, and he followed her through the smoke to a small hole in the perimeter fence. The sound of juros followed them and he ran as quickly as he could with limited breathing and a body that felt like it'd been in a shuttle accident.

Eventually they died down and she stopped. For a moment he thought he might pass out as he gasped, leaning on his knees, his back screaming in agony. But it eventually grew bearable.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it would be." Chapel commented calmly.

He looked up at her. Illuminated in the torchlight she looked so angelic that he wasn't sure if he wanted to kiss her or shake her. "Has anyone told you you're a damned idiot?"

"Only you, on several occasions." If they were occasions like this one, he would have definitely been in the right.

"Why the hell did you come for me?"

She steadily pulled out her tricorder as if they'd done nothing except take a stroll through the jungle. "I was supposed to leave you there?" There was a hint of challenge in her voice.

"Hell Chapel, that was exactly what you were supposed to do. What if they had captured you too? What then?" She had no idea what they would have done to her. Good grief, it made him feel sick.

She began to walk. "Did you know you were scheduled for execution tomorrow morning?"

He began to follow her. "No." Why would they do that – when he was going to die anyway?

"Well you were. I wasn't going to rely on the Enterprise being back in time to get you out." Her voice was calm but intense. Hell, he dreaded to think what she had been through, trying to save his life. He felt himself soften towards her.

"The Enterprise might be not back anytime soon. That distress call they received was an Orion ruse to get them away. I'm not sure what they're going to find there." He swallowed. Hell, he should be there. If someone died because he wasn't…

"I'm sure it will be fine. Gaila's aboard – she'll help negotiate." Chapel tried to reassure him.

"They've gone to an awful lot of trouble to frame me for this, Chapel. I don't think that they're going to be much for talking."

She said nothing, and he knew she was sharing his worry. "The vaccine works." She commented eventually.

"Please tell me you didn't go to Kriukis?" Hell, she didn't put that family in more danger for him?

"I didn't know where they'd taken you. I didn't have much choice. But I was careful. They're going into hiding."

"Good." He hoped they'd be safe. Kriukis had friends and family across the continent – they would manage if they needed to.

They walked in silence for a good while after that – his breathing became too difficult to talk and he had to focus much more on where he was walking. It had started to rain when he finally saw where she was leading them.

"A cave Chapel? What's it with you and caves?" He chuckled and she gave him an unamused look, but it was tempered with concern.

When he finally made it in, he had to sit down and put his head between his knees as he struggled to get his breath back. The virus was affecting him quickly – far quicker than it had in any Brindi.

"Are you all right?" She asked him hesitantly.

"I've felt better."

She came and put a cool hand on his head and he almost sighed. "You're burning up. Let me get my scanner." She disappeared off, leaving him in the dark, and he felt the fear flood into him with the memory of darkness and pain. When she returned he felt himself breathe easier. "What did they do to you, doctor?" She asked.

Hell, but he didn't want to talk about that now, in the torchlight. "First things first, Chapel. Why don't you build us a fire?" He needed something light, something normal. Something entirely different from that prison.

"A fire?" She looked at him blankly. She didn't know how to build a fire?

"You haven't been camping much, have you?"

"Never." She admitted. Hell, one day he was going to have to take her camping.

"Well just find us some branches. I'm sure there's enough kindling on this floor – the leaves will be fine. I'll do the rest."

She obediently did as he asked, and he talked her through building it bit by bit. It was worth seeing her smile when it caught, but even more as the light began to fill the cave.

"Nothing like a fire." He told her as he felt some of the tension ease inside of him. It was over now, no more of that pain, and she was safe here with him.

"Now will you let me scan you?" She asked him calmly and he felt something ache in his chest. Hell, he had to tell her – he was going to get bad soon, and she needed to be prepared. But after all she had risked for him…

"They injected me with the virus Chapel." He told her quietly.

"What?" She scanned him, and frowned at the readout. He watched her pale slightly. "Why? Why would they inject you with it?"

"As a threat. So that I'd die, even if they didn't execute me tomorrow morning. Even if you did manage to rescue me." To make him pay for something that he didn't do and couldn't prevent.

She knelt down next to him. "We don't know it'll progress the same in a Human." Her voice was calm and he was grateful for it.

"No we don't. But it's probably likely to kill me quicker." She looked at her hands and he could tell she was worried, even if she masked it well.

"Let me give you something for your breathing." She finally said. He nodded and she shot him with a hypospray. He felt the effect near immediately and took a deep breath as the faintness passed.

Hell, but she was worried about him. He didn't want her to worry. "The Enterprise will be back eventually, Chapel. We'll keep the symptoms at bay with drugs and slow it down." He wasn't sure if that was possible, but it was worth a try. He didn't particularly want to die down here.

"All right." She agreed quietly. He wasn't sure whether she was convinced or not, but she said no more about it. "Here." She took his hand in her own and cut the chains from his wrists, then gently healed the skin underneath. The firelight lit up her hair and he studied the concentration on her face, feeling exhausted. If he was going to die, this wouldn't be a bad way to go, with Chapel easing his path with her gentleness.

"Now take off your shirt. I want to have a look at your back." She ordered. Oh hell. He didn't want to upset her by showing her that.

"My back, Chapel?"

"Yes. You've been wincing every time you've moved it. Don't pretend otherwise."

He frowned at her. Hell. She never missed a beat. "It's fine."

"Do I have to cut it off you?" He had the feeling she would too.

"Damn it." He slowly pulled it over his head and watched her eyes widen.

"They whipped you." There wasn't any doubt in her voice, but thankfully there wasn't any disgust either. Just an understanding of what they'd done. She didn't make a fuss. She healed them carefully – he hadn't realised how much it had hurt until she eased it, her fingers tracing their lines softly. Hell, what he'd give to have her hands on the rest of him right now, to distract him from everywhere else that hurt.

"Here." She helped him back into his shirt with care. It was treatment like this, he realised, that made her a great nurse. Her face was still calm, but he could see something behind her eyes, hidden from him.

He reached out and touched her hand. "Are you alright, Chapel?" Was she scared? He wasn't sure how the illness would progress and he didn't want to leave her alone to care for him.

"I'm fine. You need to get some rest."

"Hell, I'm ok." They would be searching for them. He wouldn't risk her again. And he didn't want to leave her alone.

She rolled her eyes at him, her nurse's face set. "You're not ok, doctor. You're temperature is high, you can hardly breath, and I'm guessing that right now you feel like hell." Well that was true.

"I can deal with it."

"Well I can deal with things better. Let me worry about us."

He couldn't. She'd already done enough. "Chapel-."

"Doctor – do you trust me?" She interrupted him softly, eyes intent on him.

He frowned. How could she doubt it? Today he'd put the lives of the population of this planet into her hands. "You know I do."

She gave him a soft smile, and touched his cheek with a cool hand. "Then just this once, let me take care of you."

He couldn't say no to her. Not when she looked at him like that. Not when he felt as ill as this. Not when all he wanted to do was kiss her and tell her that she'd been taking care of him since she'd met him. He nodded slowly and laid back.

She was moving around the cave, picking up her bag.

"Where are you going?" He knew that face of hers. She was planning something.

"I'm going to lay motion sensors."

"You're carrying motion sensors?" Hell, he knew that she liked to prepare for every eventuality, but this was something else.

"In a manner of speaking."

So she would go out in the dark and rain again. He could hardly stop her. "Take the phaser, Chapel."

"Alright." She didn't look at him again as she picked it up and left.

He lay and watched the firelight flicker until exhaustion and illness overtook him.

When he came to he was disorientated. He felt a body close to him, soft breath on his face, long legs along his own, and opened his eyes slowly. There she was – Christine Chapel, next to him. Hell, if he didn't feel so ill, he would have thought he'd died. He'd always wondered what it was like to wake up to her, her face smooth and untroubled, her hair scattered down her back, her body warm. Morning had come, the rain hadn't stopped, and the fire had gone out. He wondered how long she had been lying here with him. She mumbled something in her sleep, something that made her brow crease with pain, and he stroked the hair from her face and down her back. It was soft, like the rest of her. She smiled, still asleep, and he wondered what it would be like to wake up to her in a perfect world, a world where he had every right to be lying next to her stroking her hair. A world where she'd open her eyes and want him. Hell, a world where he wasn't her CMO, and she wasn't his head nurse.

He felt her abruptly stiffen and her eyes shot open. Well this might be awkward. He was suddenly glad he felt so ill. Under other circumstances if she was lying as she was there would be no doubt as to how he was feeling about her and that would be a whole lot worse.

"Morning, Chapel." She didn't look at him, but a blush crept up her cheeks as she removed her legs from his. It was entertaining really. She was the one who'd lain down next to him, after all.

"Good morning." Her voice was calm, and he once again admired her ability to hide her emotions.

"You all right?"

"Fine." She smiled self-consciously. "I'm just not used to waking up next to someone." Thank goodness. "Sorry about that – it was freezing last night and you were delirious." Well there was a way to make him feel good – there was him thinking that she might have come to him because she wanted his comfort. Wishful thinking.

She looked him over professionally. He probably looked bad – he felt bad. His chest screamed with every breath, his whole body shook, and his muscles and joints ached. "How are you feeling, doctor?"

"Like hell."

"Here." She gave him a few shots and he began to find the symptoms ease somewhat.

Her face was a mask he couldn't read. "Any word?"

"No." Damn it. He hoped they were all right. Coughing raked his body, and he spat out blood onto the ground. Chapel watched him carefully but made no comment on it. She knew what it meant as well as he. "You should eat something." Her voice was brisk, nurse-like. "You'll be pleased to know that I picked up plenty of rations, and not a piece of local food, so you can eat without fear of protozoa or bacteria or whatever else you worry about catching."

He chuckled and took the handed pack. Infection was the least of his worries at the moment. "You know, the food on this planet isn't that bad. Hell, I could get used to it."

She smiled at him. "Is that the delirious side of you talking?"

Was he delirious? True, he didn't quite feel in touch with reality at the moment, but then he was lying in a cave with his head nurse. It was a surreal situation. "Most probably."

She sat and ate an energy bar herself and checked the tricorder and communicator. She had meant it when she said she would take care of him. She had planned it all. And some part of her cared enough about him to risk herself to rescue him. Would she have done that for anyone? Probably, knowing her, but he couldn't deny it gave him hope.

"I should probably thank you for coming to get me last night, Chapel." He told her slowly.

"Yes, you should." She replied grimly, making him frown. Hell, she had no idea what she did to him, putting herself in danger like that. He could never make her understand. He'd take the memory of what they'd planned to do to her to the grave.

"It was a stupid, idiotic thing to do, and if you'd got yourself captured I would have escaped, just so I could kill you-."

"Are you trying to thank me, or berate me again?" She muttered.

He ignored her. "But I am grateful. I didn't want to die in there." Not alone in the darkness, with the pain searing through his body. She met his eyes and he saw worry in them. Hell, he didn't want her to worry. He might well die out here, but she had to understand that dying with her at his side was a thousand times better than in there. He gave her a smile and attempted to change the subject. "Out of interest, where the hell does a nurse learn to create explosives like that?" She was an extremely interesting woman.

She laughed softly. "Trust me - you don't want to know, doctor." The title stood out more than it usually did. Hell, he was dying, she had just pulled him from a hell hole, they didn't even know if the Enterprise would return, and she still called him 'doctor'. He couldn't just be 'doctor' now – not to her.

"It's a bit late for titles now, Chapel." He wondered if this was the delirium talking.

She looked surprised. "Well what do you want me to call you?"

"I do have a first name, you know."

She gave him a calculating look, but then seemed to give in. "Fine, Leonard." It sounded strange coming from her, but not in a bad way. Perhaps he wasn't used to hearing his name used in a way that wasn't a profanity. He smiled at her and she returned it gently. He loved her right then better than he ever had before – just for the simple act of making his name sound new and untainted. "You should get some rest."

He would have protested, but another fit of coughing racked his body, and he began to lose his grasp on which way was up. He laid down and she pulled a blanket over him. He watched her for a while, until darkness once again took over him.

There was a whistling. It pulled him from murky depths and forced him to open his eyes. The communicator! It was next to him and he opened it with shaking hands.

"McCoy here." His voice was hoarse.

"Nice to hear you, Bones." The relief threatened to overwhelm him.

"Jim! You're all right?"

"We ran into a little Orion trouble, but I have a feeling you might know something about that. Are you ready to beam up?"

He looked around. Where was Christine? The cave looked empty. Then he noticed that the phaser was also next to him and his heart stopped. Oh hell.

"Jim, can you get a lock on Chapel?"

"What, she's not with you?"

"No." Damn, damn, damn.

There was a pause. Then: "She's moving too fast."

Oh hell. "How far is she?"

"Half a mile south-east of your location." That was Spock's voice.

"Stand-by to beam us up."

He pulled himself to his feet and almost fell back over again. Damn it. He knew what she'd done. They'd come and she'd gone to lead them off. Stupid, stupid, woman. If anything happened to her… He gave himself a shot of adrenaline, grabbed the phaser and ran out into the rain.

His chest ached and his heart was beating far too fast. He ran but could see no sign of her. Then a roar echoed from his left. He knew that sound. Damn it, he'd been wrong. He ran through the trees and for a heart-stopping moment saw her on the ground as the beast pounced. He wiped the rain from his eyes, pointed the phaser and shot.

For a moment he experienced true terror and couldn't move. He thought he was too late. Then she rolled its body from her and pulled herself slowly to her feet. He was furious with her right then, and even more furious with himself. So close. So damn close. If she'd died…

"You came." Her voice was strangled with emotion and the fury fell away as he met her eyes. If he'd lost her…

"Hell, Chapel. Of course I came." The need in her eyes gave him everything he needed. He moved to her, but she met him half-way, arms around him, pulling him closer as he finally kissed her. She wasn't hesitant and he wasn't gentle as he showed her his fear, his pain, the passion he'd had for her for so long. She kissed him back hard and he lost coherent thought as she filled his senses – her heart beating hard under her wet shirt, her body pressed hard against his, the smell of rain and mud and pear-drops, the smooth skin of her cheek, the taste of her passion. She overwhelmed him and for a moment he truly believed that she could love him as much as he loved her. Then that moment was over and he realised the enormity of what he was doing. They broke and he stayed close, head against hers. He kept his eyes shut – partly from fear of what he'd find in her eyes if he opened them, and partly because he knew that if he looked at her he'd kiss her again, he'd tell her he loved her and he'd be lost.

"Leonard…?" She was stroking his cheek. His heart hurt. It really physically hurt. "Look at me." His illness gave him the strength he needed – otherwise he would have never resisted her plea. He loved her so much. And because of that, he couldn't do this to her. He'd promised to protect her. This was the only way. He wouldn't let her risk anything more for him. He wouldn't take her dream.

In the biggest effort he'd ever made he turned from her. She made no protest – that hurt just as much. He pulled out his communicator. "Enterprise, two to beam up."

The world disappeared and blackness engulfed him.


	25. Chapter 13 Part I Somewhere In Between C

13. Somewhere in Between – Christine

_Here we go – I apologise it's taking me a while to put these up. I only have time to write at the weekends at the moment. I've written this chapter in 3 parts – and am just finishing off McCoy's POV – but you can have what I've completed. Here is the aftermath of the events of the last chapter. Beware – this is slightly angsty. It's mainly a bridging chapter before we hit the big events of the last three chapters – and yes, someone does need to knock their heads together. But they are unfortunately stubborn, and only something drastic is going to make them admit how they feel. As suggested I've tried to divide the chapter into smaller sections, so I apologise for the inundation of emails the people on story alerts will get. Let me know whether you prefer it, or whether you find switching between the characters so regularly confusing and I'll decide how to do the next chapter. I appreciate all the reviews – it's so much easier to write when I know you all like it! Thanks for reading._

Part I

It took Christine and Spock thirty minutes to synthesise the vaccine. She had stabilised McCoy as best she could – Doctor Seams was seeing to him now – but he hadn't regained consciousness. They finally distilled it into a hypospray and she sighed.

"Nurse Chapel, perhaps you should have a seat." Spock said curtly, eyes still on the computer.

"That's not necessary." Later. She would sit down later, when he was safe. When she had time to process what had just happened.

"Perhaps not, but you appear to be bleeding all over the floor."

She frowned and looked down. So she was. The yerka must have bitten her harder than she thought. She grabbed a bandage and tied it down firmly.

"Are we ready to inject?"

"I believe so. We have run no safety protocols. Are you sure-?"

"Commander, the damage to his vital organs will be irreparable in the next thirty minutes. There is no time for that."

"Very well." He handed the hypospray to her and they made their way to the medical bay.

Jim was sitting with him when they came in. She'd never seen him look so concerned. "Christine?"

"It's done." She injected him quickly, then pulled the blanket over him. The sickbay was almost still around them – the other nurses were watching with concern in various corners of the room and both doctors were next to her. She wondered what he would say if he could see this – whether he would think that they didn't care about him now.

"How long?" Jim asked her.

"The Brindi child took an hour before showing improvement. Doctor McCoy should be faster than that."

"Good." His eyes were intent on her. "Let's go into his office. We need to have a talk. You too Spock."

She wanted to protest – to stay with him, but she couldn't, not when he was ordering her. She knew that he would expect an explanation for all this.

"I'll come and get you if there's any change." Doctor Seams told her kindly, patting her hand. She tried to smile at him, Doctor Zuvolt squeezed her arm, and she followed the captain and his first officer into McCoy's office.

Jim took the doctor's chair. Spock sat down opposite and drew a chair beside him for her. She took it slowly, beginning to be bothered by the pain in her leg.

"Right, Christine. Tell me everything."

She took a deep breath and attempted to collect herself, to put her garbled thoughts in order. Then she began. Once she'd started, she couldn't stop. The words tumbled out. She thought Jim had picked up on that – he held his hand up to Spock occasionally when it looked like he was going to interrupt. It didn't occur to her to lie, or to miss anything out – the way that the Orions had used his vaccines to distribute the virus, the way he had given himself up to protect the PADDs, how he had been whipped and tortured, how she had gone to Kriukis' family for help, how she had broken into the prison – Jim grinned at her when she told him that – then how she'd been running from a yerka. The only thing she didn't mention was that kiss. That was hers. She needed time to process it. After she'd finished and had been silent for a few seconds, Jim finally spoke.

"You have all your data recorded?"

She nodded. "Yes. Doctor McCoy downloaded everything onto PADDs and wiped the computers." Spock handed them to him, and he flicked through the information silently. "How did you get away?" She couldn't help but ask. "We heard the Orions had set a trap for you."

"They had." Jim smiled. "But it wasn't a very good one. Spock had worked out almost everything by the time we got there. We had plenty of time to put into place counter-measures."

"We are fortunate that the doctor is unable to hide his feelings well." Spock added.

Jim gave her an amused look, but it was tempered with worry. "Very fortunate. Will there be any lasting effects to him?"

"Not that I can foresee – perhaps some mild memory loss."

"Excellent. I'm sure he'll be back to his usual grumpy self in no time."

"Captain… will he be in trouble?" She had to ask.

He and Spock exchanged a look. "Not if I can help it."

"It was very fortunate that the doctor was able to unearth an Orion plot whilst visiting his friends. I'm sure that Starfleet will be very appreciative." Spock arched her an eyebrow and she couldn't help but smile. Spock wasn't lying – not exactly. But it did protect him nonetheless.

"I believe they will Mister Spock. We'd best contact them and let them know what's going on. Are you all right, Christine? You've been through a lot in the last two days."

"I'm fine." She wasn't sure if that was true or not.

"Good. All's well that ends well then. We'll let the Brindi know what's really going on, send them the vaccine and round up the rest of the Orions for trial." She wondered how he always made everything sound so simple. "You did a good job down there keeping Bones out of trouble, Christine."

"You mean, other than the fact he was tortured and infected?" She replied without thinking. Yes, she'd kept him out of trouble really successfully.

Jim looked at her in surprise. "Christine, considering what might have happened, you did fine. And there are a whole lot of Brindi who'll be thanking you both." He grinned. "But don't worry, I'll make sure that you aren't thanked in person. I don't think he's going to want to go back there for a while." Neither would she.

There was a knock and Doctor Seams put his head around the door. "His obs are stabilising Nurse Chapel. His temperature is coming down. I've sedated him for a few hours."

"Thank you. I'll be right through."

"Nurse Chapel, please have your wound attended to." Spock ordered as she stood.

"Yes sir."

"I will furthermore appreciate your help mass producing the vaccine for the Brindi."

"Of course sir. I will come to the lab after I have settled things here."

"Get some rest first Christine." Jim ordered, but tempered it with a smile.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Dismissed." She appreciated that the conversation could have gone far worse, considering. She wondered whether Jim was saving his annoyance until McCoy awoke.

She headed out. Nurse Temple was waiting for her. "Is everything all right?" She looked concerned as she watched Jim and Spock leave.

"It is now." She sighed. "Would you be able to find me some clothes, and ask Doctor Seams to have a look at my leg when he's available?"

"Of course, Nurse Chapel." The woman cast a concerned eye over her, as if reading her mind. "Doctor Zuvolt says that Doctor McCoy will be fine."

Did she still look concerned? She wasn't entirely sure it was over his health. "I'm sure he will be. He just needs some rest. It was a very difficult situation on Brinda V." More than difficult. "I'm going to have a look at him now." And work out what she was going to do.

"We'll look after him." Temple said quickly. "Ogiri and Hylara have volunteered to stay bedside until he comes around, and some of the others say they'll stay longer on their shifts. We know you'd usually do it yourself, but you look like you've been through enough."

Christine smiled at her softly. Did she look that bad? "That's very sweet of you all." She glanced across at McCoy's prone form. His breathing was steady, and there was colour in his cheeks. It reassured her. "If you could make sure his obs continue to be done every 15 minutes. And if he comes around before I manage to get there, don't let him bully you in to letting him get up."

Temple laughed, and gave the man a hard look. "No, Nurse Chapel." She wandered off to organise the other nurses.

Doctor Seams healed her leg nicely, and she showered and changed in McCoy's office. After a thought, she decided to stay there, just in case, so tried to sleep on his bed. But sleep never came to her. All she could think about was that kiss – that ground-shaking, belief-shattering kiss. No one had ever kissed her like that – with that degree of passion and honesty. Surely someone only kissed like that when they cared for the person? Surely? And what if he did love her back? What then – when they weren't allowed to be together? She wouldn't hesitate to risk her career for him, but could she really expect him to risk his? What if his feelings weren't as strong as hers? What if the kiss had merely been a product of adrenaline and his illness? After three hours she got up. She couldn't bear it – the not knowing. McCoy was slowly beginning to come around – but rather than a need to go to him, she felt an instinct to flee. She was scared to know, she realised. She was scared in case he didn't want her. She was terrified that he did.

In the end she took the easy way out, and went to help Spock with the virus. The repetitive actions and the quiet lab environment soothed her like nothing else could, and she felt herself calm. Leonard McCoy was a good person. He wouldn't play with her emotions. He was no Roger. He would tell her either way and they would discuss what they would do rationally – sitting at either side of his desk, like adults. It was all going to be ok. With that mind set she left the lab several hours later, and made her way back to the sickbay.

Temple was met her immediately when she walked in. "I'm sorry, Nurse Chapel. I told him he shouldn't get up – that he wasn't well enough. He wouldn't listen to me. He went into his office and won't answer the door."

She wasn't sure why she was surprised really. She shook her head. "Doctors always make the worst patients. I'll go and see to him."

The woman looked considerably relieved, and wandered off to talk to Doctor Zuvolt. She walked to his door, and hesitantly knocked. She was nervous, she realised, as her heart sped up. She hoped he wanted to see her. When he didn't answer she began to feel sick. She knocked again. Again there was no answer. What did that mean? Was he asleep? Had he collapsed? Did he just not want to see her? But that was silly – he was hardly one for avoiding a problem. When she knocked a third time with no response, she took a deep breath and walked in.

He was sitting on his bed, head and back against the wall. He looked up and met her eyes, looking slightly annoyed. She searched his face, but there was nothing more than that – just mild annoyance – the sort of expression that he always wore when she interrupted him and he was busy. No guilt, or disgust, or, if only, affection. She had a thought that was so horrible she hadn't wanted to contemplate it. Did he not remember kissing her? Was it possible? But how could that be? How could he have forgotten something like that? A small voice reminded her that he had been so ill – who knows what he had been thinking, or, and her heart ached, who had had been thinking of when he kissed her? Surely if he remembered he couldn't be hiding it so well. She couldn't.

It took her several seconds to compose herself. He said nothing, frowning slightly, watching her. The fact he was silent was adding to her confusion. He suddenly seemed like a stranger, nothing like the man who had held her close, who had saved her life, who had kissed her like his life had depended on it. For a moment, she thought she might cry. The door was still open behind her. She could hear some of the nurses laughing about something in the background, Zuvolt questioning Doctor Seams about a technique, Nurse Temple organising the drug supplies, but the silence between them seemed to block that all out.

Finally, she managed to speak. "How are you feeling? You know you shouldn't have got up. Nurse Temple isn't very please with you."

"Since when does she give the orders? I'm fine. Let me sleep."

"You're going to have a hard time sleeping sitting up like that."

"I wasn't intending on remaining like this." She nodded and swallowed. He wasn't looking at her any more. He'd shut his eyes, dismissing her already. "If there's nothing else?"

Yes there was. He'd kissed her. She'd kissed him back. She needed to know if it meant anything to him. She needed to know if he remembered. "No. Sleep well."

She shut his door quietly as her heart broke loudly in her chest.

The three weeks that followed were the worst she'd ever had on the Enterprise. She barely slept and struggled to keep herself focused and under control whilst she was tortured slowly every day with his presence and her doubts. The events of their away mission began to seem like a dream – but she clung on to it tightly because it was all she had of him. Her idea that he didn't remember was tested when he began to avoid her. He spent more time in his office or on the bridge than ever and never requested her help unless it was absolutely necessary. Although she still did his paperwork with him after her shift had ended, he kept his office door wide open, and almost never met her eyes. She wondered whether he thought that she was going to throw herself at him and was trying to protect himself – the thought had crossed her mind occasionally she had to admit. Worse of all she missed him. He wasn't unpleasant to her - quite the opposite. This seemed the longest time she'd ever known him to keep his temper. But he seemed to be indifferent. She missed his sarcastic comments, his teasing, and the way he confided in her about patients. She missed his friendship. She hadn't realised how much of a friend he had become. She quickly began to wish it had never happened – that they'd never kissed. One action had ruined everything between them and it was her fault – he had been ill. She should have been in better control of herself. Of course this had happened. What had she expected? Him to have fallen in love with her? That was ridiculous of course. She was his head nurse and her actions were completely inappropriate, despite their sincerity. At least during the day, that's what she thought. At night, when she had less rigid control of her emotions, she couldn't regret it. She loved him, and it hurt. But just for a moment she thought he might have cared for her back, and that feeling had been wonderful. At night she simply wanted him – his arms around her and his lips on hers – until she thought she would go mad, because she'd never felt such strong emotion for anyone before, because she had to stop herself from going to his quarters and throwing herself at him. But she'd done that once before – and that had hardly worked out well. The only thing that she was sure of, that she had no doubt, was that he didn't want her. Perhaps he'd felt some affection for her once – his actions had seemed to suggest it, but certainly nothing enough to risk his career for. So she kept her head down, worked hard, and tried not to watch him for some sort of sign that he would never give, whilst inside her emotion built.

Finally, after three weeks, something gave. She was attempting to train with Sulu. Usually they were relatively evenly matched, but tonight he was beating her soundly and she was putting up little of a fight. After about her fifteenth time of being knocked to her feet she signalled to stop, and went to sit against the wall, breathing hard. She had to pull herself together. This was ridiculous. She would not let this overwhelm her. She was stronger than that.

Sulu sat down beside her and handed her a bottle of water. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She attempted a smile. "About what?"

"Christine, I've trained with you every week for the last six months, and I've never seen you like this. Either you're allowing me to win, or something is distracting you so much that you can't fight. I'm guessing it's the latter. Do you want to talk?"

He was looking at her with genuine concern and she felt a lump come to her throat. Why shouldn't she tell him? He wouldn't need any details. She leaned her head back against the wall. "I've realised I'm in love with someone – and he doesn't love me back."

Sulu nodded, but looked slightly uncomfortable. "Ah, so it's a romantic matter."

"I suppose so."

"And you're sure?"

"That he doesn't love me? Fairly sure. But it's so complicated and I just don't know what to do."

Sulu shook his head. "Well Christine, my wife would tell you that I know nothing on the affairs of the heart and if you're wanting advice, I'm hardly the man to give it. Did I ever tell you how we ended up together - that she came up to me one day and told me that I was in love with her, and that if I didn't admit it she was going to marry someone else?"

She laughed softly. "No, you never told me that. I assume you realised you were?"

"Yes – but it took her telling me my own emotions. I'm afraid I'm really not your man. I'd probably give you rubbish advice anyhow – but I'll listen if you think it'll help. Otherwise, you can probably find someone infinitely more qualified to talk about this sort of thing with. Maybe Doctor McCoy?"

She smiled at the irony of that statement. "Maybe."

"Or Uhura? She's a girl after all – she's probably got a better grasp of the heart than the rest of us."

Of course. Uhura. She would know what she needed to do. If there was someone she could trust with this, it was her. "That's a good idea, Hikuru. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm sure it will work out." He grinned at her. "What man doesn't want a ninja nurse? Does he know that you could kick his backside?"

She laughed. "I try not to let that fact be widely known. I've heard it puts men off."

"Only the weak ones."

She was beginning to feel better. "Well after today's performance, I think most will consider me the poor defenceless female and will safe in their masculinity. I promise I'll be back to my normal self next week."

"Well then I'd better practise hard. I'd hate my masculinity to be damaged when you beat me again."

"I think your masculinities pretty safe, Sulu. You're hardly one of the weak ones, after all."

"I'd like to think that. You'll be ok?"

She stood up and gave him a smile. "I'll be fine. See you next week."

"Alright then."

He'd given her the direction she'd needed, and she made her way to Uhura's. A long time ago, her mother used to tell her off for keeping her feelings to herself. She always had, ever since childhood. Much of the time it didn't even cross her mind to confide in someone – she kept her emotions private, often because it was easy for people to hurt you if they knew them, because she didn't trust most people with them. But, as her mother often quoted – 'A burden shared, is half the burden' – and right now she needed someone to share it with. Because if she didn't she was going to do something stupid, like pick a fight with the doctor. Or kiss him again.

She buzzed her door, already hearing voices within the room. She recognised Gaila's and felt slightly concerned. But why should she? Uhura trusted her, and no one knew more about this sort of thing than an Orion.

"Christine – it's great to see you. I thought that you were with Sulu tonight?" Uhura answered the door with a happy smile and the enthusiasm that came naturally to her.

"I was, but I wanted to come and see you. Do you have time to talk?"

To her friend's credit she didn't look surprised in the slightest. "Of course. Come in. Gaila's already here."

The door shut behind her and Gaila gave her a grin. "Wow that was quick – we were just talking about you."

"You were?"

"We were saying that you haven't seemed yourself recently." Uhura told her, indicating for her to take a seat. "Is everything all right?"

She took a deep breath. She could do this. It was better to share. "Honestly – not really. That's why I'm here."

Uhura looked at her carefully. "Well a problem shared and all." Christine smiled as she echoed her mother's words.

"And you've listened to enough of our troubles. It's about time you started telling us some of yours." Gaila pointed out with a smile. "So what's up?"

"It's… well it's lots of things." That wasn't quite true. If she was going to tell them she needed to be honest. "Actually, it's mostly to do with Doctor McCoy."

Uhura frowned. "Has he been terrorising you again? He's been in a foul mood on the bridge recently." Really? That surprised her. She hadn't seen any sign of that in the sickbay. Not that she'd seen him much. It made her worry about him.

"Not exactly…" She suddenly didn't know how to get the words out, or even where to start.

Gaila was looking at her with an all too knowing look. "Just say it." She prompted.

She took another deep breath. "I'm in love with him."

Uhura looked stunned, but Gaila laughed. "I knew it. All that time together was bound to turn into something. Let me guess – you kissed?"

She had to give her credit - the Orion was good. She nodded mutely. She was not one to kiss and tell.

"You kissed?" Uhura repeated. "When?"

"Three weeks ago. On the away mission."

"Was it good?" Gaila was looking excited. "Actually, you don't need to answer that. I can see it on your face. It was spectacular. I always knew a man like him would be…"

"Gaila!" Uhura chided softly when she blushed. It had been spectacular. There was no doubt about that. Good grief, what she'd give for him to kiss her like that again. Uhura was watching her face, looking concerned. Well of course she was. She'd broken every rule in the book. "What happened, Christine?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. It was a mad situation. He saved my life and it just happened."

"I mean afterwards." She blushed deeper as Gaila giggled. Of course that was what she meant.

"That's just the problem, really. He won't speak to me. I thought at first he didn't remember – he'd been infected with the Brindi virus at the time, and was pretty out of it. But now he's avoiding me. He won't even look at me – and I don't know what to do."

"Did you tell him – that you love him?"

She shook her head. "No."

"And he didn't say anything to you?"

"No – that's just the point. It might have meant nothing to him. He was sick after all, and angry. And now I don't know whether he's embarrassed, or scared that I'm going to throw myself at him or… I don't know…"

Uhura shook her head. "Wow. I mean really – wow. You and Doctor McCoy? I didn't really expect that."

"I did." Gaila rolled her eyes. "But you love him?"

"Yes." She answered firmly. There was no doubt about that part.

"Then I don't understand. Why don't you just tell him?" She made it sound so simple.

"I can't. It will only make things worse between us."

"But it's unresolved. At least you'd know then."

Uhura was nodding. "I agree. You need to know how he feels for sure."

"I think his reaction is a fairly good indicator of how he feels about it."

"Christine, I don't think a man like Leonard McCoy kisses a woman without feeling anything. Maybe he's avoiding you because he feels guilty? At the end of the day, if Starfleet found out, this would do more damage to your career than his."

That was a good point. She hadn't thought about that. "If that's the case, then I don't want to add to his guilt. If I told him I loved him, he'd feel bad and would put him in a difficult position. He's still my CMO."

"But don't you want to be with him?"

It was such a simple question that it made her sigh. "Yes. Yes I do." So much it hurt. "But not if he doesn't feel the same about me."

"Which you think he doesn't?"

She shrugged. He'd kissed her like she'd meant something to him. And even before that, she'd known he'd cared about her. But now? "I don't know. But what does it matter? It's not like we can be together anyhow. That's the most frustrating part."

Uhura looked sympathetic. "Think of this Christine. He's the only man you've spent any decent time around in years. Maybe you just feel like this because he's there, and you haven't met anyone else."

Gaila was nodding vigorously. "What you need is a distraction."

"You might find that there's someone better for you than McCoy. Maybe you're just lonely for someone."

She frowned. She wasn't sure about that. But she supposed that she was lonely. She wanted to go home to someone at night. She wanted to see a future that wasn't empty. Had her feelings developed for him just because he was there? But no – she had been attracted to him a long time before that. "I'm not sure." She said slowly.

Gaila was grinning at her. "I see a project in the making."

"Gaila, I don't want to be one of your projects." She said firmly.

"What have you got to lose? You need the distraction, and think of this – he might feel better if he sees that you're with other people." That was true. Maybe things would go back to before if she did. But she didn't want anyone else. How could she be with anyone else when her thoughts were full of him?

"I can't, Gaila."

"Well you need to do something. It's that, or make the doctor realise he's in love with you. Maybe you should go to his quarters and remove your clothing. That should work nicely." The Orion looked pointedly at Uhura and her jaw dropped.

"You did not!"

Uhura blushed, but didn't look ashamed in the slightest. "Spock was hardly the most communicative of people. I realised that I needed to do something extreme to prompt a reaction from him."

"You got one, all right." Gaila laughed, and Christine couldn't help but join in. She doubted McCoy would react in such a way. She could imagine it. He would look her up and down, eyebrow raised, his doctor-face on, decide that she'd lost her mind, throw a sheet at her and commit her under the mental health act.

"You are the bravest person I've ever met." She told her friend sincerely.

Uhura was laughing too. "I have to admit, when he started by pointing out that my behaviour was illogical, I did think that I'd lost him."

"But placid waters run deep." Gaila commented, exchanging an amused look with her friend. "So there you go, there's always that option for you."

"I fairly sure that one wouldn't work. If you hadn't noticed he's a very stubborn man, and we're hardly teenagers. I'm not going to play games with him."

Uhura put an arm around her, her face serious again. "I think that you just need to speak to him, Christine. It's been three weeks. One of you should have said something ages ago. This sort of thing doesn't just go away."

She felt a lump come to her throat. It was the advice she would had given herself. "I know – but I'm scared to."

"Why?"

For so many reasons. "I suppose because I'm still clinging to some small hope that he cares. And if we have that talk that's it."

She nodded sympathetically. "Well, I'm sure that whatever you choose, it will be ok. You always do the right thing, Christine." She wished that was true. The right thing to do would have been to march into his office – to apologise for the kiss, to say it meant nothing, so that the sickbay could go back to normal again. Instead she said nothing because she wanted him so much. Because she couldn't lie.

She smiled at them both. "I wish my life was simple."

Gaila grinned. "You'd be bored with a simple life. But I have to hand it to you – you do pick the most difficult men."

"And the most unobtainable." She commented.

"And the most unreasonable." Uhura added with a smile. "Maybe you've had a lucky escape."

She smiled sadly. The only person who was lucky was the one who would get Leonard McCoy one day. And it wasn't going to be her. Later that night, she went back to her quarters and cried.

The next day was better. McCoy was on the bridge preparing for an away mission, and she felt calm as she went through her usual day. The sickbay was quiet – a few occupational injuries but nothing that the other nurses and Doctor Zuvolt couldn't manage. She sat at her desk and worked through her own paperwork – the new rosters, appointments for medicals, notes that needed to be updated. She didn't even notice Gaila come in until the woman sat down on her desk.

"Has anyone ever told you that you work too hard?" She grinned at her.

"Gaila! What are you doing here?" She looked her up and down, but she showed no sign of injury. Which meant she was here for something else.

"I just wanted to come and see you." She gave her a look of innocence and Christine began to feel something akin to premonition.

"What have you done?"

The woman looked guilty. "Don't kill me, ok." Christine looked at her squarely and waited for her to explain herself. "So I was talking to some of the officers in security and they mentioned that Galloway has a bit of a thing for you."

"Really?" She knew who Galloway was. The security officer had been on every away mission she had. Roger had abducted him and he'd smiled at her. Now she thought about it, he was usually in the gym when she and Sulu began their practise, and often watched them fight for a while. She'd just assumed he was assessing their skill…

"Yes really. Apparently he's liked you since you came on the ship, but hasn't quite managed to work up the courage to ask you to dinner. It's a bit of a running joke in security – apparently he could take a few Klingon's single-handedly, but is terrified of you. They have bets on how long it'll take into the mission before he speaks to you." She frowned at the Orion. She'd never thought of herself as intimidating before. "Anyway, I just happened to bump into him in engineering, and asked him about you. And… we'll I sort of agreed that you'd go to dinner with him tonight."

_What_? "Gaila, I thought I said I didn't want to be one of your projects." She tried to keep her voice calm. It was a significant effort.

"I know, I know. But I was just thinking about you, and how you needed a distraction and then this one fell into my lap. Maybe it's meant to be?"

"I doubt it. I can't go to dinner with him." How could she spend time with another man, when her thoughts were full of McCoy? It wouldn't be fair on either of them.

"He's really nice Christine." The Orion quickly pointed out. "And handsome. He doesn't expect anything from you – he just wants to get to know you."

"No Gaila."

"Oh come on. When was the last time you went on a date? You might have fun."

"No Gaila."

"Please. Come on Christine. This could solve all your problems. I thought you wanted to get over _him_." She felt a surge of relief that she hadn't said his name. She could already see some of the nurses listening to their conversation with curious ears.

She sighed. "Do you honestly think that going to dinner with Galloway is going to solve that?"

"Anything's worth a try. You might really like him."

"No Gaila. I can't."

The Orion folded her arms. She clearly wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Please Christine. Please, please, please. For me?"

She sighed. She couldn't say no to her when she looked at her like that. She was her friend after all. She shook her head. "You really do act quickly on your projects, don't you?"

Gaila grinned in victory. "I do try. He'll pick you up here at 1900. Don't forget. And wear something blue – you look good in blue."

"I'll bear that in mind." She said dryly. Good grief. What had she agreed to?

"You can tell me all the details tomorrow. Have fun!" She jumped off her desk and danced her way out of the sickbay with a joyous enthusiasm that made Doctor Zuvolt and several other of the male staff to stare. Despite feeling concerned she smiled softly to herself and went back to work.

The return of the doctor a few hours later pushed her impending date from her mind. He gave her a cursory nod as he walked in, and returned to his office. She couldn't help but notice he looked tired. His shoulders were slouched, his uniform crumpled. Before she would have knocked at his door, and made him a cup of tea, and asked him about his day. She would have been there for him. Now she knew that if she asked she would get monosyllabic answers at best, blatant ignorance at worse. That hurt. So instead of going to him immediately she kept herself busy, distracting herself effectively as she checked all the electrical equipment, restocked the medicine cabinet and handed out her new roster assignments, then supervised the handover. When all that was done, and her own shift had ended, she finally knocked on his door.

"Come."

She walked in hesitantly, leaving the door wide open. He didn't look up as she took the seat in front of him and put her reports on his desk. This was ridiculous. How could things have regressed to this?

"What needs to be done tonight doctor?" She asked, keeping her voice light and professional.

"I'm behind on my psychiatric reports for engineering. I've already written notes, they just need to be written up and appended to their files. Leave off Engineer Argenn. I need to see him again."

"There was a problem?" She studied him. He was frowning at a file in front of him, looking perplexed. Clearly he'd picked up something during his consultation that needed to be reviewed.

"Yes." He fell silent. Nothing that he was willing to expand on with her. She would have to read his notes for herself and see what he had found.

"I see." She took the PADDs from his desk with a sigh. "I saw Ensign Powell again yesterday."

He looked up at her sharply. "You didn't say." She could tell he was biting his tongue to stop himself swearing at her. She wished he would. It would be nice to see something normal from him. Right now he was about as expressive as Spock.

"I never saw you." She pointed out. She hadn't tried to see him really, given the circumstances. "She had fresh bruising around her neck, and some shallow wounds on her upper thighs. Doctor Zuvolt assessed here again, but she said nothing. I asked if we should transfer her to another posting and she cried, but I don't see how we can keep her here unless we find out who's doing this to her."

"Yes, I don't see how." He agreed. He looked like he was about to say something else, but stopped and looked back down at his PADD. Well that was the end of that conversation. She started her work, and neither of them said very much as they became absorbed.

A few hours later there was a knock on the open door. "Nurse Chapel?" Nurse Kier was at the door, looking excited. "Lieutenant Galloway is here. He says you're meant to be having dinner with him tonight?"

Oh no. She stood up quickly. She'd forgotten. How had she forgotten? And she hadn't changed or… well anything. What did you usually do before a date? It had been a while since she had done this. She was rusty. It didn't help that she didn't particularly want to go.

"Thank you Nurse Kier. Tell him I'll be right there."

She placed her PADDs on the doctor's desk again. She could feel his eyes on her face but couldn't bring herself to meet them. "Forgive me Doctor McCoy. I forgot I was supposed to be meeting someone tonight. I should be able to finish the reports tomorrow."

He nodded. "Fine." She wondered whether he meant it was fine that she was going on a date – or fine that she was going to leave the reports until tomorrow. Who knew? For a second all she wanted to do was shake him and ask him to say exactly what he meant. Or hold him and tell him that the only reason she was going on this date was because of him and what he was doing to her. That if he asked her to, she would stay without hesitation.

She straightened her uniform and smoothed hair. "See you tomorrow Doctor McCoy."

"Nurse Chapel."

She left his office without a backward glance. The nurses on the night shift were all watching as she walked across the room to where Galloway was waiting. Several were whispering and she got a few nudges. Kier winked at her as she walked past, and she had to stop herself blushing. Good grief. Why hadn't Gaila asked him to pick her up from her quarters?

"Sorry for making you wait."

Galloway turned to look down at her with a smile. He was very tall. "It's not a problem." He had a deep voice, too. "I had thought you might not come." He glanced at her uniform. "You did know, right?"

"I knew, but I'd forgotten, if I'm honest."

He looked slightly downcast, but smiled politely. "I'm sorry. Don't feel like you have to come. I know you must be busy, and it was my fault for speaking to Gaila rather than directly to you but you see-."

Well now she felt bad. She interrupted him softly. "It's fine. I just apologise for my clothes. Would you mind if I was in my uniform?"

He visibly brightened. "No, not at all. That is – I'm glad that you still want to come." It was strange to see him so tongue-tied. In all the times she could recall he'd always seemed so professional and serious. Now he seemed very young. But he must be her age – maybe slightly older.

And he did have very nice manners.

"Shall we go?"

"Yes." He led her out, and despite herself she couldn't help but glance back to the doctor's office. He was standing at his door, arms folded, eyes dark, watching them with an unfathomable expression. She smiled at him and he frowned and walked back into his office and shut the door. Well so much for that.

"I was watching you and Lieutenant Sulu spar last week, Nurse Chapel." Galloway said as they walked. "You're very good. Have you considered changing into security?"

She laughed. "No, I don't think I'd get enough sleep. I think that the captain keeps you all far too busy. And please call me Christine."

He smiled at her. He had a nice smile. She also realised that Gaila was right – he was handsome, with brown hair and blue-green eyes that reminded her of the ocean. Which immediately made her think of the last time she had seen the ocean. With McCoy. She attempted to focus on his words. "Well call me David. I imagine that you're kept busy too. Doctor McCoy seems to keep you late."

"He doesn't keep me – but there's a lot of work that comes with a ship this big, and I'm his head nurse. It's my job to help."

"I see. So what else do you do, other than fight with Sulu and help with Doctor McCoy's mountain of work?"

That was a good question. What else did she do? "I study a lot – I want to become a doctor after this. And I read a great deal. What about you?"

"I read too. And I keep plants. I grow a lot of my own fruit. It tastes much better than the replicated stuff."

"I can imagine. The replicators are good for getting the overall texture and taste, but it loses much of the subtle flavours." She realised just how much she hated small talk.

"Yes – exactly." He grinned at her. They walked into the mess. She hadn't been in for a while, and never at this time of day. There were a scattering of people across the room, but it was otherwise empty. She picked up a plate of something – she didn't really care what it was, and followed him to a table. He seemed to make the chair look like a child's. He really was a very large man. At least everything looked proportional with McCoy. Especially his hands. He had surgeon's hands. She loved his hands. Galloway's fingers were short – good for holding a phaser – for taking lives, not saving them. She knew immediately that she didn't want to feel his touch. But that was unfair. She was comparing him to McCoy. She shouldn't be doing that.

"So where are you from originally?" She asked him, attempted to force her thoughts from the doctor.

"I was born in England, but mostly grew up in Australia. And you?"

"I'm a true child of Starfleet, I'm afraid. I was born on a starship."

"I'm jealous. I imagine you didn't have a problem with space sickness then."

She smiled. "No I didn't. Did you?"

"Horrendously. The Enterprise is my first ship placement. I think Doctor McCoy had to hypospray me every day for a month."

She laughed. "Well at least you got over it after a month. Some people are still suffering from it."

"I think the idea of having to see the good doctor every day was enough of a deterrent."

Well she could imagine that. He usually wasn't very patient with crew suffering from space sickness. She'd taken over that side of things now – and he was happy to let her. "He's not so bad."

"Well I'm sure there's no one else I'd rather have patch me up after a phaser blast, but he's not the sort of person I'd want to go to with something minor, no offence."

She wondered why he thought she'd take offence to that. Because she worked with him every day? "I'm sure you're right." She agreed. "But the nurses do most of the patching up these days."

"Lucky for us." He smiled at her warmly and she looked down at her food.

They chatted for about an hour and she found that, despite her first impressions, she really liked him. He was clever, and funny and not at all what she had expected. But she wasn't attracted to him. She wondered had she not had feelings for McCoy, whether she would be. Whether he would fill her dreams rather than the Doctor, and she would feel that joyous feeling because she would know that somehow her dreams were a possibility – that they would be able to be together. Not how things were now – when she woke with a heavy heart and a wet face. She suddenly had the overwhelming feeling that this was wrong. Galloway would be very easy to lead on. He clearly liked her. She wasn't the sort of woman who played games.

She realised she hadn't responded to one of his comments, and Galloway glanced down at her with a slight frown. "Are you all right Christine?"

She nodded. "Yes – only, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course you can."

"I shouldn't really be doing this. I think you're nice, really I do - but the problem is… well…" Best just say it. "I'm already in love with someone."

Galloway looked surprised, then embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I hadn't realised you were already with someone. That is, Gaila said-."

"I'm not with them – Gaila was right. I'm sorry – this is probably very presumptive of me. But I don't want to lead you on."

"No – that is, I'm grateful you were honest." He smiled at her softly, and she'd never been more grateful that Gaila had set her up with someone so nice. "So the man that you're in love with – is it unrequited?"

She sighed. "Yes." And as complicated as any relationship could be.

"Well, I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but the man must be insane."

She laughed. "Well thank you for making me feel better."

"Anytime. Do you think you might be able to get over him?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Not any time soon."

"With some help?" He smiled at her hopefully. If only. Maybe if he hadn't kissed her the way he had. She shook her head. "Well, Christine, I'll be honest, since you were. I like you a lot – and all the more now I know you better. But I get it. So if you want to have dinner again with me – as a friend only – that would be nice. And if you realise that you're not in love with this man anymore – well I'd very much like to take you out."

She laughed. She couldn't help it. "You are a very nice person David Galloway."

He smiled. "My mother taught me from a young age. And now I should probably go so I don't embarrass myself anymore."

"You didn't embarrass yourself at all."

"Well, Christine Chapel, you're a very nice person too." He stood up, and she stood up with him. He held out his hand, and she shook it seriously. "It was nice to meet you."

"And you. Goodnight."

She watched him leave, feeling simultaneously bad and relieved. He was a nice person – the sort of man she would have liked to take home to her mother. But he wasn't the sort of man she was attracted to. Which said a lot about her personality really.

She walked back to her quarters before it occurred to her that she'd left the PADDs she needed on McCoy's desk. He probably wouldn't still be there – he was usually at Jim's at this hour – and if she could finish them off tonight she would have the time tomorrow to go over the case reports she needed. She turned and made her way back to the sickbay.

"Nurse Chapel – how was it?" Nurse Kier asked almost as soon as she had walked through the door. Obviously her date had been the subject of much conversation while she had been gone – several of the other nurses were also looking interested.

"It was fine."

Kier giggled. "He's really handsome."

She sighed. Right now she felt old. "Is Doctor McCoy still in his office?"

"Yes – the captain is with him."

She frowned. Had something happened? They didn't usually plan away missions in his office. She knocked at the door and heard permission for entry.

"Ah, Christine." Jim grinned at her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I left my work here." She indicated to the PADDs on the table and he passed them to her. McCoy was pointedly not looking at her, but there was such a resigned look on his face that she felt her heart ache.

"How was your date?" Jim asked her with a knowing look and forcing her attention away from the doctor.

"How did you know about that?" She questioned with a frown.

"News spreads quickly. And all the nurses were talking about it." Of course they were. And Jim was still harassing them. "So…?"

She was not having this conversation. It was really none of his business. He was worse than Gaila. "It was fine. Goodnight."

"See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, sir?"

Jim looked pointedly at McCoy. "You didn't tell her _again_."

"I didn't damn well have the chance." McCoy muttered, scowling at him. It was such a relief to hear him speak normally that she almost smiled.

"Well you should have made a chance. Really Bones, you need to work on communication with your head nurse." His scowl deepened threatenly but Jim ignored it. "Starfleet want all the senior staff on the planet's surface tomorrow Christine."

She nodded slowly, feeling a flash of premonition. What was it this time? A plot? A war? Some sort of intergalactic man-eating anomaly? "Is there a particular reason why Starfleet wants the Enterprise there?"

Jim laughed. "We were the closest ship. It's a simple ambassadorial mission. We're having a look at the new Daystrom Institute. It should be a nice, simple tour, nothing else."

She smiled. She was becoming as paranoid as McCoy. "I'll be there."

"Excellent. We're leaving at 0900. Dig out your dress uniform. Oh, and bring something nice for the evening."

"Yes sir. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Christine."

The Doctor nodded at her – that was the best she got these days – and then left, closing the door quietly behind her.


	26. Chapter 13 Part I Somewhere in Between M

13. Somewhere in Between – McCoy

_As some of you would have noticed, this chapter bears the same title as a Lifehouse song that I feel is particularly appropriate. Be patient with McCoy. Things will get better. Thanks for reading._

Part I

He was aware of sounds at first, and a disorientation so great that he was scared to open his eyes. In the haziness he wasn't sure what was memory and what was dream. He was vaguely aware of pain everywhere, but the thought of lips on his kept him detached from it. He could almost see her smiling down at him. As the pain began to ease more thoughts slowly returned. Running and that heart stopping fear. And then her arms around him, breaking his restraint. Was it real? It was like trying to remember a dream. He was beginning to recognise some of the voices now, and searched for hers but couldn't hear it. He was in the sickbay – which meant he wasn't dead. Where was she? Had she been with him? He opened his eyes slowly, blinking in the bright lights.

"You're awake." Ogiri's small face smiled at him, but it wasn't the one wanted to see. "It's all right Doctor. You're safe now. Just go back to sleep."

The heaviness was already behind his eyes and almost overwhelming. But he couldn't. "Where is she?"

"Nurse Chapel? She's helping Spock with the vaccine. Don't worry she's fine. Doctor Seams healed her leg no problem."

Her leg? He vaguely remembered she'd been bitten. That she had been bleeding in the rain. That he'd kissed her. Oh hell, he'd kissed her. And she'd kissed him back. It had been real. He threw off his blankets. He needed to see her.

"Doctor, what are you doing? You can't get up." He ignored Ogiri's protestations and almost fell over.

"Doctor, get back into bed." Temple's voice ordered him. "I'll contact nurse Chapel for you." It occurred to him that she wasn't here. Which might mean that she didn't want to be here. That she didn't want him.

"No. Leave her be." He managed to say. He needed to put his thoughts in order. He needed to remember what the hell had actually happened.

Temple gave him a peculiar look. "As you wish. Just lie back down."

He shook his head. "I'll be in my office." He needed to think. He needed to be away from them.

"Doctor, Nurse Chapel said you had to stay here. You're still weak. Please, get back into bed."

He ignored her vain protestations and stumbled his way across the sickbay. With the door shut he leant on his death to catch his breath. There were the PADDs with her neat notes attached. He remembered how she'd sat in that chair opposite him and told him that all she wanted to be was a doctor. He remembered how she'd felt in his arms. How she'd kissed him without hesitation. Somehow he'd always expected her to be hesitant. But she hadn't been and what he'd felt was so strong it was the only thing he could truly be sure of. He loved her. Which was why he'd turned away. Which was why she wasn't here. Which was why, from now on, he needed to keep as far from her as possible. Because she'd kissed him back. She'd wanted him. Did she still, even now?

A wave of nausea rolled through him and he sat down on his couch and leant his head against the wall until it passed. It smelt of her. She must have slept here. It helped to calm him. There was a knock at his door and he ignored it. It was only when the second and third came that he suspected that it was her. Hell, he didn't dare see her yet. He hadn't composed himself. Why the hell couldn't she give him some time?

She walked in looking worried and real and beautiful, and he didn't dare say a word, because he knew what it would be if he did. Hell, didn't she see what she was doing to him? For a moment he wished she would simply walk over and hold him, because he wasn't sure he was going to be able to do this. But if she did, he sure as hell wasn't going to be able to. Damn it, why did she have to come in here now? This was all wrong.

Her voice was quiet and composed. "How are you feeling? You know you shouldn't have got up. Nurse Temple isn't very please with you."

He didn't give a damn. If she'd cared she would have been there. Which she might have been if he hadn't have pushed her away after kissing her. Like he was going to do again now. Damn, he couldn't think straight. "Since when does she give the orders? I'm fine. Let me sleep."

"You're going to have a hard time sleeping sitting up like that." She pointed out.

"I wasn't intending on remaining like this." She nodded, and he had to shut his eyes to block out the flicker of hurt he'd seen cross her face. This was necessary. It was the only way. He had to hurt her a little to stop himself hurting her a lot. "If there's nothing else?"

She hesitated, and for a moment he felt his heart lift, even as he desperately prayed she wouldn't talk about it. "No. Sleep well."

She left quietly and he laid down on the bed and breathed in her scent deeply. This was a close as he was going to get to her now, but for one short fever-hazy moment he'd held her in his arms, and felt her respond to him like no one else ever had. He held on to that thought as he closed his eyes and slept.

The weeks that followed were, without question, the worst he'd ever had on the Enterprise.

He spent countless hours on the bridge, had faced a grilling from Jim and Starfleet Command over his actions on Brinda, and was having to force himself keep his distance from the one person who he could have talked about it all to. It was excruciating. Especially because now he knew what it was to kiss Christine Chapel he couldn't forget. After four sleepless nights in which she had filled his thoughts and stolen his dreams, he began to sedate himself. During the day he didn't dare trust himself alone with her, making sure that the doors were all kept open and he kept his distance. He missed her - the way she smiled at him from across his desk; the way she calmed his nerves when Jim did something ridiculous; the way she worried about him when no one else did. He tried to convince himself that the hurt he sometimes saw in her eyes when he was short with her was his imagination. He wasn't convinced and it put him in a foul mood, made even worse because he was forced to keep his temper in the sickbay. Because if he lost it around her, he might lose control and kiss her again. And that would be disastrous. And also what he wanted. Like it or not, he couldn't deny that every time she knocked at his door he hoped that she would say something, and every night he lay awake hoping that she might come by. But she never did. Thank goodness she never did.

It was evening three weeks later when he left the bridge after a particularly long day in which he'd achieved absolutely nothing. Sometimes he thought Jim just wanted him there to entertain him. The away mission certainly wasn't going to be anything to shout about. Hell, he had better things to do than spend a day walking about some science Institute – but it would be nice to get off the ship for a while. He needed to see grass.

He nodded at Chapel as he walked in but didn't dare stop to talk. She looked tired and pale. She was working herself too hard – she barely seemed to leave the sickbay these days. He wondered how much of that was his fault. He shut the door of his office and sat down. Hell, what he wouldn't give for things to be back to the way they had been. She would come in here, and make him a cup of tea, and tell him about some new thing she was planning on teaching the nurses, or how they were running low on supplies, or how she'd caught Kier and Zuvolt kissing in the triage room again until his felt the weight of his job ease, and he was able to laugh and tell how about the trouble Jim had organised for the next day. But of course he couldn't do that now. He had successfully made himself unpleasant enough to be around that she avoided him. So instead he found himself a nice pile of PADDs that he'd been procrastinating, and successfully stared at them without much progress for thirty minutes until she knocked at the door.

"Come." He didn't look up, but watched her walk in somewhat hesitantly in the corner of his eye. She placed a large pile of reports on his desk and sat down opposite him. She knew well enough to leave the door open now. After he'd asked her to keep it open for three evenings she did so automatically. He didn't think it would be a good idea to be alone in the room with her. Too many improper thoughts crossed his mind when he watched her working, even with the door open. If it was closed he might be tempted to act on them.

"What needs to be done tonight doctor?" Her voice was as brisk and professional, her face as closed as always. He wondered what she was feeling underneath that mask.

"I'm behind on my psychiatric reports for engineering. I've already written notes, they just need to be written up and appended to their files. Leave off Engineer Argenn. I need to see him again."

"There was a problem?" He felt her eyes curiously study him. He wondered if he could even explain. Argenn had answered all his questions perfectly, and was an exemplary member of the crew. But there was something wrong about him that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Maybe it was that his answers were too perfect - almost like he had read them out of a book. Maybe it was that he tried too hard to meet his eyes. Most crew were uncomfortable and shifty, expecting deeply probing questions – which he did occasionally have to ask. Argenn wasn't like that. Even when he'd asked him about his sex life he hadn't batted an eyelid. And when he'd asked him about how he was coping with the violence that the Enterprise often faced he got a particular look in his eyes…

"Yes." He told her. There was something definitely wrong. But nothing that he needed to worry her about right now. Maybe if things had been different, he would have.

"I see." She took the PADDs from his desk with a sigh, as if his lack of information was a personal insult. "I saw Ensign Powell again yesterday."

What? He looked at her sharply. "You didn't say." Damn it, what was she doing keeping that sort of information from him?

"I never saw you." She responded calmly. There was no hint of inflection in her voice, but he took the rebuke nonetheless. If he'd been there yesterday she might have. And if he took the time to speak to her these days. Hell, he was making a real mess of things. She was still his head nurse irrelevant. "She had fresh bruising around her neck, and some shallow wounds on her upper thighs. Doctor Zuvolt assessed here again, but she said nothing. I asked if we should transfer her to another posting and she cried, but I don't see how we can keep her here unless we find out who's doing this to her."

"Yes, I don't see how." He agreed. This was the fourth time she'd come in with similar wounds. He'd suspected domestic violence, but according to her commanding officer she didn't have a partner. So now he needed to suspect something more sinister. Zuvolt was looking into it, but hadn't been able to find out much. It looked like they were going to have to step it up a level, and ask security to put in some surveillance. He wondered if Chapel had any thoughts on what was going on. She normally had good instincts about such things, and people spoke to her. But for some reason he found he couldn't ask, and couldn't continue to meet her eyes. He looked back down at his PADD and ended the conversation. Other than her occasionally asking for clarification on one of his notes, they sat in silence for the next few hours.

A knock at the door roused them both. "Nurse Chapel?" Kier was trying and failing not to grin as she stood in the doorway. "Lieutenant Galloway is here. He says you're meant to be having dinner with him tonight?" He stared at the nurse. Surely she'd got it wrong? She was going on a date? With Galloway?

She stood up quickly, looking flustered, but her voice gave nothing away. "Thank you Nurse Kier. Tell him I'll be right there."

Of course, he remembered hearing that Galloway had a thing for her – it was clear on most away missions when he sat staring at her – and the number of times he visited sickbay for no particular reason - but since he'd never spoken to her he'd assumed nothing would come of it. However, clearly he'd got over his nervousness – and clearly Chapel had liked him enough to say yes. Damn it. He searched her face, but she didn't meet his eyes as she put the PADDs neatly on his desk.

"Forgive me Doctor McCoy. I forgot I was supposed to be meeting someone tonight. I should be able to finish the reports tomorrow."

He forced himself to nod. "Fine." He was in no position to say no to her. After all, he'd kissed her and then said nothing – in fact had subsequently ignored her. He'd just thought that… well what the hell did it matter what he'd thought? He was wrong. And stupid to think otherwise. He should be grateful that she was getting on with her life. Unfortunately, he felt nothing like gratitude, especially as he watched her smooth her uniform and straighten her already neat hair. Damn Galloway. She was nervous because of him.

"See you tomorrow Doctor McCoy."

"Nurse Chapel." She left him without a backward glance.

He attempted to refocus on his reports but it was impossible. He could hear their voices outside. He couldn't stop himself standing and moving to his door. Galloway looked nervous and sounded slightly tongue-tied. Chapel seemed to have that effect on men, although she seemed completely ignorant of the fact. She, on the other hand, seemed perfectly serene. Who knew what she was thinking under that sweet smile of hers? He'd only seen her true feelings a few times, and he'd loved her for them. Galloway would too. Damn it. He wanted to hate him, especially when he touched her back when leaving. Hell, what he'd give to be in his shoes.

Chapel glanced back at him and smiled. It felt like she'd hit him in the chest. He walked back into his office and shut his door. Then he poured himself a large drink.

That was how Jim found him two hours later – attempting very hard to intoxicate himself. He looked him up and down, then took the seat in front of him.

"Alright, Leonard. I've been patient. I thought you would eventually snap out of this mood. But now you've just missed a night of poker where I finally beat Spock and I'm not having it. Tell me what's going on."

He didn't bother looking up. "Nothing."

"Nothing? Really? Because it seems to me that ever since you've come back from Brinda you've been walking about like you're a word away from exploding."

"Go to hell, Jim."

Jim frowned at him. "Fine. If that's how you want to play it. Maybe I'll go and ask Christine just what she left out of her report on Brinda."

He left the threat hanging in the air for a second, and it occurred to him that Jim would most probably do it. And if he ordered her to, Chapel would probably tell him. And that would be unpleasant.

"Hell Jim."

"Just spit it out Bones."

"I kissed her, all right? I kissed Chapel."

Jim stared at him incredulously. "You kissed her? What happened? Did she slap you?"

"No." He retorted defensively.

"Then what? She didn't kiss you back? She shouted at you? No wait – you made her cry…?"

Damn it, could this become any more insulting? What exactly did he think he did to women? "Hell Jim. It wasn't like that."

Jim grinned. "So she did kiss you back?"

"Yes." Most definitely.

He gave him a long look. "I'm not exactly seeing the problem here, Bones."

"Because I can't be with her, damn it."

"Is that what she said?" Jim gave him a look. "Wait – you have talked to her about it…? You didn't just kiss her and say nothing?"

As if he could feel any worse. "What the hell am I supposed to say, Jim? Lie? Tell her it was all a damn mistake and that I felt nothing?"

"No. For crying out loud Bones – tell her the truth."

"I can't." His put his head on the table.

Jim shook his head. "I thought you loved her? Aren't people in love supposed to do everything possible to be together?"

"Not when you'll probably hurt her."

"How do you know that you're not hurting her now?"

He remembered the looks that occasionally crossed her face. "It's better this way."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Says who? Hell Bones, I don't get you. You spend months in love with her, bewailing the fact she doesn't like you back, then you kiss her and she kisses you back and you run away like a little girl."

"I'm not running away."

"Are you not?"

"No."

"Well it seems like you are."

"Hell Jim, I'm not running from anything."

"Prove it. Go to her room and tell her how you feel."

"I can't."

"So you're running away then."

"Damn it Jim, I can't because she's on a date with Galloway." There. He'd said it.

"Galloway? David Galloway?"

"Yes David Galloway. Are there any more Galloways on the ship?"

Jim whistled under his breath. "Well, Bones. You might have blown it. Galloway's the sort of man that every girl wants to take home. Handsome… clever… nice manners…"

"You think I don't know that?" He muttered. Hell, how could he think of anything else?

"But then, Chapel's the sort of woman that doesn't kiss a man she doesn't care about." He frowned. "Trust me – I should know. So maybe you still have a chance."

He rolled his eyes. "You're not listening to me."

"I'm listening to you. You're sitting there, all defeated and pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself. You know what I think?"

"Enlighten me."

"I think that maybe you don't love her at all. I think that if you did you wouldn't be here."

He was getting angry. Hell, the man had no idea. Before he could respond there was a knock at the door and in walked Spock.

"Captain. Doctor. Forgive me. I was told I could find you here."

"Ah, Mister Spock, come in. What can we do for you?"

"I thought you should know that I have put together the agenda for tomorrow." He handed him a PADD. "All preparations have been made, and I have spoken to the director of the Institute personally."

"Excellent, Spock. I shall have a read. In the meantime, perhaps you could help Bones here with a predicament." Oh hell. He'd better well not…

"Of course. I will endeavour to be of assistance." He took a seat next to the captain, fingers pressed together, and McCoy wondered if he could escape before Jim started speaking. Probably not. Damn it.

"It's a matter of the heart, Spock. I think that the doctor could do with a logical approach. You see he is in love with a certain woman-."

"If you are referring to Nurse Chapel, I should warn you I already know."

What the hell? He was going to murder Jim. "I didn't say anything Bones." Jim was already defending himself.

"Indeed, the captain did not tell me." Spock agreed.

"Then how the hell did you know?" He raised his voice. He couldn't help it. Jim was the only person who knew on this ship.

"I have made a study of Human emotions doctor, and yours are particularly easy to read. If not usually inexplicable and illogical."

"Only a damned unfeeling-."

"Anyway." Jim raised his voice over his. "So McCoy's in love with her. Surely the logical thing to do would be for him to tell her how he feels. All this sexual tension is not good for the ship." He grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"Captain, I believe that you are confusing love with lust. Should the doctor tell his head nurse how he feels, and she reciprocated, it would put them in a difficult and unsanctionable situation – a situation where both of them may lose the ability to work in the field of medicine. If he was indeed in love with her, then he would be willing to sacrifice his own feelings for her, since in the long term his feelings will hurt her."

McCoy stared at him. He'd opened his mouth to argue, waiting for him to say something he'd disagree with – but for the first time, Spock had actually said something that made sense. "Hell, I never thought I see the day when I actually agreed with you about something." He said slowly.

"Statistically doctor, such a moment was bound to happen." Good grief.

Jim shook his head. "Surely, Spock, you would deem your own relationship with Uhura illogical then? Since you are in a difficult situation?"

Spock shook his head. "Not at all, captain. I was, of course, willing to sacrifice my own feelings for her wellbeing." Of course he was. Assuming he had any. "However, I realised that I was causing Lieutenant Uhura more pain staying away than I would being with her – and deemed it illogical to do so."

"Ah. I see." Jim chuckled.

"Now, please excuse me. Good night."

"Night Spock."

"Spock." He called to him, and the Vulcan turned to him. "I strongly suggest that you do not mention my feelings to anyone."

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "Doctor, to whom would I talk to them about?" Jim laughed and Spock left without another word. He felt a sinking feeling of foreboding.

"Well, Bones, glad I could finally find something in common between the two of you. Though I can't pretend to understand it."

"That, Jim, is because you've never cared about a woman longer than it takes to bed her."

"Now that isn't fair."

"Name one."

Jim made a face. "Ok, it might be fair. So you're seriously going to keep away from her for the rest of our mission? Even though she might care for you?"

"Yes." What choice did he have? He was not going to make the same mistake twice.

"You're an idiot, Bones." Didn't he know it. Because he was still dreaming of her even when he knew he couldn't have her. Because he still wanted her so much it hurt.

There was another knock at the door.

"Come."

"Ah, Christine." Oh hell. Not now. He didn't dare look up.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I left my work here." Her voice was soft and made him ache.

"How was your date?" Jim had to ask.

"How did you know about that?" She responded sharply. She didn't sound impressed. Too right. It was none of the captain's business. It was none of his either. Which didn't mean he didn't want to hear the answer.

"News spreads quickly. And all the nurses were talking about it." Jim lied smoothly. "So…?"

"It was fine." Fine? What the hell did fine mean? Damn it, he wasn't going to sleep tonight. "Goodnight."

"See you tomorrow."

She paused. "Tomorrow, sir?" Oh hell. He'd forgotten.

Jim gave him a pointed look. "You didn't tell her _again_."

"I didn't damn well have the chance." He responded. Which wasn't quite true.

"Well you should have made a chance. Really Bones, you need to work on communication with your head nurse." He gave him a meaning-filled look and he scowled. If he said a word he swore… "Starfleet want all the senior staff on the planet's surface tomorrow Christine."

"Is there a particular reason why Starfleet wants the Enterprise there?" She sounded hesitant. He didn't blame her. At least she was learning what an away mission usually involved.

Jim laughed. "We were the closest ship. It's a simple ambassadorial mission. We're having a look at the new Daystrom Institute. It should be a nice, simple tour, nothing else." Which was about as likely as Spock bursting into laughter.

He felt, rather than saw her smile. "I'll be there."

"Excellent. We're leaving at 0900. Dig out your dress uniform. Oh, and bring something nice for the evening."

"Yes sir. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Christine."

He nodded at her. And wished, once again, that she was his. Hell, he was pathetic.

"Here." Jim poured him another drink, watching his face, then began to read him the plans for the next day.


	27. Chapter13 Part II Somewhere in Between C

13. Somewhere in Between - Christine

Part II

_A small bit of McCoy-style fluff in the interim. Because, in my opinion, every couple deserves an Austen-esque moment…_

Galor IV was beautiful. She smiled down at the green landscape before her from the balcony where the away party stood, talking to various members of the new Institute. It was raining slightly and the world smelt of wet earth and grass. The massive building they were in was a new modern build – something that wasn't entirely to her taste – all straight lines and angles, but probably pleased Spock. She would rather look out to the gardens beyond, and the rolling hills that just made it into her line of sight. The rest of the senior staff were in conversation – a sea of white with gold braid that made up their dress uniforms. The Izarian scientist she had been talking to her had left her side to tend to some experiment a few minutes ago, but she hadn't particularly minded. The scientists at the Institute were the best in their fields, but, like many of the best scientists in the galaxy, many had social skills that made conversation hard work. After spending four hours trying to keep up with her guide as he told her about areas of physics that she'd never even heard of, she was simply relieved to have some time to collect her thoughts.

"Nothing like a good bit of rain to make you long for home." Scott sounded enthusiastic as he came and stood beside her. "How are you enjoying the banter with the locals?" He made a face and she knew he had been thinking along the same lines she had. A true reflection of how bad some of the other scientists were – they may Scotty look normal.

"Well I've enjoyed talking to so people from so many different worlds. I've never seen such diversity in one place before."

"Aye, well it'll all be nice I'm sure for a few weeks I'm sure, and then someone will put a flower on a Japori's desk and all hell will break loose."

She gave him a look. "You think it won't work – the degree of cooperation that they're aiming for?"

"Well you can't just take a bunch of different people in different fields and from different planets and expect no food fights in the canteen. They're scientists – they're designed to argue with one another. Just look and Spock and the good doctor."

He indicated across the room to McCoy, who was scowling at the Vulcan, arms folded and face irritated, but she couldn't fail to notice, looking incredibly attractive in his dress uniform.

"Perhaps you are right." She commented mildly, watching as Jim joined him and started to laugh. "But the captain seems to appreciate their difference of opinion."

"Aye, he does. It makes for ruddy good entertainment if nothing else." A young Trill woman approached the captain and she saw him look her up and down with considerable interest. McCoy rolled his eyes as his friend leaned towards her and began to smile wolfishly. However the woman moved away, and she realised that she'd been approaching the doctor, not Jim. She began talking animatedly to him – and she noticed that McCoy's wary stance began to ease as his eyes watched her face carefully - a sign that he was interested in what she had to say. She felt a very real flare of jealousy, not against the woman particularly, but for the fact that she had his undivided attention. He hadn't shown her that much interest in a long time. He had used to look at her that same way. Before Brinda V. Before they'd kissed.

"Christine – I've just been told that we have a break of an hour before dinner." Uhura broke her thoughts and she realised she'd been staring and shook herself. It was no good looking like a love-sick teenager. "Shall we go and change?"

"All right." She met friend's eyes. She looked sympathetic. She found she didn't really want sympathy right now and made her voice brisk. "Are we using the guest quarters?"

"Yes. They transported our things there. One of the joys of being the only two women on the senior staff is that we get the entire suite to ourselves. I intend to take a very long, hot shower."

Christine smiled. "It sounds like you've had a similar afternoon to me."

Uhura shook her head. "I doubt it. You probably had a chance of understanding what your guide was talking about. It was all over my head. The language of science is one that I've yet to pick up."

"At least Spock would have been useful." She'd been paired with the captain, and trying to explain to him what was going on, whilst trying to keep up herself was nothing short of impossible. Especially when Jim got distracted every five minutes by the female lab staff.

Uhura frowned and looked pointedly at her partner. "Hardly. He just kept commenting that I needed to read. I think he thought I wouldn't understand, even if he tried to explain it."

Christine shook her head. "I'm sure that's not true. I imagine he was just protecting you from the boredom."

Uhura laughed and looked slightly relieved. "Well, if you thought it was boring it must have been bad." They walked out of the room and down the hall. "What I can't understand is why they're throwing this dinner. From what I've seen, most of them eat in their labs, and wouldn't know what dancing was."

"I think it's mostly for the visitors benefit." The senior staff of the Enterprise were by no means the only group invited to the opening of the Institute, and dignitaries from across the galaxy had flown in. She had only seen many of the other parties from afar – the Institute was big enough to swallow five hundred people with ease – but there seemed to be plenty.

"Well I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been dancing in ages."

She had a strange thought. "Does Spock dance?"

Uhura smiled. "Rarely. But, being a Vulcan, he doesn't find it difficult. He told me a long time ago that it was a simple exercise of rhythm recognition and physical agility. He's very good when he can see past the illogicality of the action. I'm not sure whether tonight will be one of those times."

"Well, from what I've seen of Spock, logically, he would want to make you happy. And if dancing makes you happy…"

Uhura grinned. "Exactly." They found their room and opened the door. It was large – a huge longue area with glass windows from ceiling to floor looking out onto the hills, a bathroom and a bedroom through double doors. "Wow. The architect of this place needs to be given a medal."

"It is lovely." Christine agreed, stroking the petals of a large blue flower that sat in a vase in the centre of the room. "It would be a lovely place to stay."

"It's a pity we're only here for a day really." Uhura sat down on the sofa. "So how was your date last night?"

Christine sighed. "Gaila told you?"

"Of course. She seemed rather excited that you said yes. I was a bit surprised you did, if I'm honest."

"She pulled the 'you're my friend' on me."

Uhura laughed. "You need to harden yourself to emotional blackmail, else Gaila will manipulate you like clay. So what's Galloway like?"

"Handsome, gentlemanly, funny…" She sighed again.

"But?"

"But not McCoy."

"Ah."

"I told him that there was someone else. He was nice about it really. That was what was worse."

"Well, he'll get over it. Or you'll get over McCoy."

"That's the thing, Nyota. I don't think I want to get over him. I know I have to – because right now he won't even look at me, and it's tearing my sickbay apart. But he's the only person I've really cared about in a really long time. I've never felt like this about anyone before." Not even Roger. That was a truly terrifying thought. At least she'd had Roger, even for that short time. How could she have fallen for a man she couldn't have? How could she have done that to herself?

"But he's so… I don't know… different from you. Don't get me wrong – I think he's a brilliant doctor, but as a lover..?"

"He's different than you think." He always was – at least with her. "It was you that told me he had a heart of gold. You have no idea how true that is. This is just all such a mess and I don't know how to make it better and not break my own heart or hurt him in the process."

Uhura shook her head slowly. "I don't know what to say. If I was in your position… well in fact I was in your position not that long ago – I simply told him how I felt. Honesty is the vital part of any relationship. But I understand why you're doing it in your case. You're right – it is a bit of a mess."

Christine laughed bitterly. "You know what's worse – I'm a grown woman and here I am acting like a teenager. It's ridiculous. I need to pull myself together. I thought that this part of my life was over. I was determined that I wouldn't be worrying over a man anymore."

Uhura laughed. "No matter what you say, that part of your life is never over. Now I'm going to shower."

"And I should get dressed and compose myself." Uhura shook her head at her in amusement and went into the bathroom.

She sat down on a chair and looked out of the window for a moment. Leonard McCoy. He walked into her life with his temper and his gentleness and had shaken the world she had built for herself. And now, because they'd kissed, everything they'd built was under threat. She knew what she had to do – for the good of everyone. She just wasn't sure she was strong enough.

She dressed in the bedroom. She'd brought the dress Uhura and Gaila had gifted for her birthday. It really was beautiful, and fitted perfectly. Gaila truly did have a wonderful eye. The blue satin fell to the floor, with a heart neck and long sleeves, and a low back held in place with a criss-crossed pale blue ribbon down her back. She piled her hair up and pinned it loosely, frowning at herself in the mirror. For a moment, she looked at herself and saw her mother's face in her own. Her mother had been strikingly beautiful – and she would never be that – but she looked nice. Better than she'd ever thought really.

"Wow. We really know how to pick a dress." Uhura said in awe, looking her up and down as she towelled her hair dry. "It's beautiful. But you're missing something." She disappeared and returned with the blue flower from the vase in the longue. She slipped it into her hair and smiled at the result. "Perfect." She grinned. "You look amazing. If McCoy ignores you when you're wearing that, he's an idiot."

Christine smiled despite herself. "You underestimate how stubborn he is."

"And you underestimate quite how good you look. Now give me a minute to sort out my hair and well go."

"Ok." She watched her friend leave, and felt a wave of gratitude for her. "Uhura, you're an amazing friend, do you know that?"

Uhura smiled at her. "I try my best."

It took her a few short minutes to dry and set her hair as Christine began to load various contents of her medical pack into her bag. If she'd learnt only one thing from McCoy, it was that if Jim was there you needed to come prepared.

"It's only dinner Christine." Uhura looked amused as she watched her push her bag closed.

"I know – that's why I'm packing lighter than normal." She looked up at Uhura – dressed in red, her hair straight and loose over her shoulders. "You look wonderful. You should wear your hair like that more often."

Uhura laughed, and hugged her affectionately. "Thanks. Now let's go before they wonder what's happened to us."

They walked together through the complex to the large hall they'd seen on their tour. Christine was beginning to feel her heart race despite herself. She didn't like events like this. They reminded her too much of her teenage years. She usually felt uncomfortable, an overwhelming need to blend into the wall that she had to suppress. It would have been different if she'd still been in her uniform. She just couldn't feel confident in a dress. The captain had been insistent that wearing a uniform to an occasion like this only built walls, but she wished more than ever that he hadn't. Uhura looked perfectly at ease beside her, and her confidence helped to calm her as she set her face to a smile and they walked in.

The place was noisy, and she felt numerous eyes turn to them as they walked down the stairs into the hall below. She steeled herself to them carefully, looking out at the technicolour of clothes and people below. It took her several seconds to realise that she was searching for McCoy in the crowd. She didn't see him until she was almost at the bottom. He was standing against the wall, arms folded as always, frowning slightly. For a moment she met his eyes and the expression in them made her heart speed as some sort of acknowledgement passed between them. Good grief, she loved his eyes. Then he looked away.

"There you both are." Her attention was pulled to the captain at the bottom of the stairs, standing with the majority of the rest of the senior staff. He looked her up and down very obviously and gave her a grin. "You look outstandingly beautiful, Christine." He kissed her on the cheek and she felt herself blush in spite of herself. He turned his grin to Uhura, who gave him an amused look that dared him to comment on the way she looked, and took Spock's proffered arm. "Well, now we're all here we can have some fun."

"I should warn you that you should tread carefully." Spock said calmly, and Christine thought, not without reason. "The probability of making an error with so many species in this room is high, and as representatives of Starfleet, the ramifications are-."

"Hell, Spock. We've all taken the damned intergalactic relations lessons." McCoy's acerbic voice interrupted from behind her, and she had to stop herself looking around as Sulu and Scott grinned.

Jim smiled and turned to the rest of them. "We all have, but let me remind you to be on your best behaviour. Let's make a good impression. Now off you go."

The group broke up, many of them heading out in twos and threes to talk to old acquaintances and to make new ones. Jim turned to McCoy and Sulu smiled at her.

"Christine – you look nice. There's someone here I want you to meet."

If she was honest she would have rather stayed with McCoy – he wasn't good at social occasions at the best of times and she wanted to keep him company even if they weren't getting along well, but Sulu looked so enthusiastic she couldn't resist. She took his arm and he led her through the crowd.

"Here Plat, this is Christine Chapel."

The Illyrian nodded gravely to them both. "I am honoured to meet you Christine Chapel."

"And I you." She bowed neatly in response and the being smiled.

"Plat was my roommate at the Academy for the first two years. You should see him with a sword."

"Lieutenant Sulu has told me that you are also talented in that field." The Ilyrian said politely.

"I'm sure he's exaggerated my skill." She began to feel embarrassed. "What has brought you here?"

"I am part of the Illyrian delegation. I had to leave the Academy after my second year following a famine on my planet."

"I am sorry to hear that. How does Illyria fare now?"

"It has fared much better in the subsequent time. The Federation have given much help to our people. We will be applying for membership shortly."

They continued to talk for some time. Sulu had some rather amusing stories which surprised her when she looked at the sombre man in front of her. However, a prickling feeling on the back of her neck told her that she was being watched, and when she turned she found a luminous pair of eyes on hers. The being – she wasn't entirely sure of the species, Katarrean perhaps – was openly staring at her like he knew her. She was sure she'd never seen him before – she wouldn't forget those eyes, but the being made her increasingly uncomfortable. There was a focus in the way he was watching her that was almost menacing. She tried to ignore it, but eventually she had to excuse herself and move away from his gaze. The orchestra were tuning up as she made her way across the room. A glance behind her told her that he was following her, and that made her panic somewhat. When she spotted McCoy standing alone at the wall, she didn't hesitate.

"Doctor."

"Chapel." She faced the wall and calmed herself, feeling his eyes on her face.

"There's a being – he must be just in front of you. Katarrean I think. Dark skin and golden eyes. Can you see him?"

McCoy frowned. "No. There's no one like that."

Despite her fear, she swung around and scanned the crowd herself. He was right. The being had gone. Instead of feeling relieved she felt herself growing more worried. Where had he gone?

"Are you alright?" She felt his eyes on her face, and almost felt like crying. Why? The man had simply looked at her. Why did she find him so alarming? It was the feeling he gave off. Somehow she was sure that he'd meant her harm.

"Fine." She lied. He was gone. McCoy would think she was mad. "Sorry. I must have been mistaken."

She moved to walk away, not meeting his eyes, and he touched her arm. "Chapel…" That single touch made her pause. He hadn't touched her since Brinda – he hadn't been close enough to her to brush her even accidently. She couldn't ignore the electricity going up her arm under his hand. She wondered if he felt something too – he removed his hand quickly. She looked up at him. His hair was flopping into his face, and he was wearing his shirt uncomfortably, despite it looking good on him. There was concern in his eyes. She found she wanted to tell him, just so he could tell her she was being ridiculous. She wanted him to hold her. She opened her mouth.

"There you both are." Jim stopped the words in the mouth. "Bones, really, I know that you're antisocial, but keeping Christine here is downright rude."

McCoy scowled at him. "I'm not keeping her anywhere Jim."

"Excellent. Come on Christine. Have I introduced you to the Ambassador from Tellerite we rescued? I think you'd just come aboard at the time." She allowed herself to be led away by a chattering captain. Glancing back at McCoy a few minutes later, she noticed that the Trill scientist she'd seen earlier had taken her place at his side.

Dinner was served shortly afterwards, and she passed through it unremarkably, keeping to the captain's side. The man she'd seen earlier was nowhere to be seen and she began to wonder whether she'd dreamt him as she politely conversed with Jim's associates. Why would a complete stranger want to hurt her? It was mad for her to even think that. McCoy was far from her, on the other side of the room with Sulu and Scott and she wished he were closer. She felt relieved when dinner was over and she was able to get up. She walked out of the doors, planning to get some air, but was almost immediately stopped by one of the Tellerite ambassadors, asking her to dance. The music had already started to play, and she knew it would be considered rude if she said no, so she allowed herself to be guided in and onto the dance floor.

Generally, she had always liked dancing. Her mother had put her through a decade of ballet lessons, so she had the poise and rhythm that made dancing easy, but after dancing six dances with six successively different species, she found she wanted nothing more than to escape and was relieved that no one else asked her. She went to a chair at the wall and watched the couples in front of her. She was pleased to see that Uhura had managed to get Spock dancing. He was, as she had said, an excellent dancer, and together they made an interesting pair – with her smile and his grace.

"Chapel." To her surprise McCoy came and sat down next to her.

"Doctor." She wondered, after earlier, whether he'd be more communicative than normal. He had, after all, put himself in her presence. "How has your evening been?"

"As I expected. Yours?"

She smiled. "Tiring. They try and teach you about other species at the Academy, but they never quite prepare you for dealing with multiple species all at once. I've spent half the night worrying about whether I'm suppose to lead, or they are, and how close to dance for politeness. You're lucky you don't dance." She realised she was babbling.

McCoy frowned at her. "I choose not to dance, Chapel."

"So you can?" That surprised her. Seeing him in social situations, she'd never thought of him as a dancer. She wondered what it would be like, to dance with him. He shrugged and made no response and they sat in silence for a while as the dance came to an end. Not for the first time, but more acutely than usual, Christine really missed his friendship. Things had been so easy between them before. They'd always had something to talk about. She hadn't realised how comfortable she'd been around him, how much just his presence had meant to her, until she'd lost it.

"Christine?" Jim approached her and bowed charmingly. "May I have this dance?"

She couldn't help but smile at him. "Well, I probably shouldn't say no to my captain."

"It isn't advisable."

"All right then." She stood and he took her hand and led her out onto the floor.

"Do you remember the last time you danced with me?" He asked as soon as he had taken her hand in his, the other resting firmly on her waist. It was a relief to allow him to glide her across the floor.

She smiled up at him. "Very well. You were eleven I believe. You've grown a lot since then. And learnt how to dance."

"That I have. I had a pretty good teacher." She remembered the lessons she had given him, out in her yard in the evening while their mothers talked more serious matters inside. He gave her an appraising look.

"What did you want to talk to me about, James?" She asked him with a smile.

"What do you mean?" He replied, widening his eyes innocently.

"I mean, that there are plenty of single, beautiful women in this room, and thus that the only reason that you've asked me up here is to talk to me about something."

"What, you think I have an ulterior motive for wanting to dance with my beautiful head nurse?"

She felt his hands move from her waist down her back, moving her closer. "Yes, I do, when I know that you don't waste your time with unobtainable women."

"No woman is unobtainable." He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

"This one is, as you well know." His hands were on the base of her back now and sliding ever lower. She fixed him with a serious frown. "You'd better tell me quickly, before I walk away from you, what exactly you are doing?"

"I'm trying to prompt a reaction." He replied, looking into her eyes.

"From me?" He was certainly going about the right way of getting one. If his hands moved any lower she would seriously consider slapping him.

"No, from Bones."

That threw her. "Why?"

"Because I'm his friend, and he needs an excuse to dance with you."

She sighed. "I don't think he wants to dance with anyone, Jim. You should leave him be. If he doesn't want to dance, that's fine."

"Trust me, he wants to dance with you. And I think it's very rude that he doesn't dance with his head nurse."

"We don't have that sort of relationship."

The captain grinned at her. "Do you not?" For a moment she wondered whether he knew what had happened. Surely not? Before she could reply he squeezed her firmly and she inhaled sharply. "I trust that you understand that was strictly in your best interest for me to do that."

"I perhaps would, if you weren't smiling so hard." Jim laughed and brought his hands back upwards onto her back. "You do realise he's going to see through what you're doing."

"I doubt it. Bones can be very stupid over some things."

Just as she was about to retort a voice broke their conversation. "Jim, there's a woman over there that wants to talk to you." His voice shocked her, even though she had been hoping for it. It would seem that the captain's plans always worked.

Jim smiled at him guilelessly. "Is that so? Which one?"

"I don't know. Ventu. Dark and pretty."

"Ah, I know." He frowned, but she saw a sparkle in his eyes. "Well Bones, I trust that you'll finish with Christine for me."

He nodded, and Jim winked at her. She and the doctor stood and looked at one another and suddenly she felt awkward. It was wrong to make him do something he didn't really want to. He probably thought he was saving her from Jim's appetites. She was about to tell him that it would be fine with her if they sat down, when he mumbled something that she didn't quite hear, stepped closer and put his hands lightly around her waist. She froze for a moment, then smoothly put her hands on his shoulders, her eyes on his. She couldn't help but feel it now, the electricity between them. It had been there all along. McCoy wasn't looked at her any more, but at her shoulder, as he moved her across the floor. He danced well – differently from Jim – with a lighter touch that she preferred, and she could feel the heat of his shoulders under her hands. Which made her think of when they'd kissed, when he'd held her closer than he was now, when she'd pressed herself to him. She found herself speaking to distract herself.

"You know, it's a bit of a relief to dance with a Human. I mean, Jim is obviously Human, but not exactly a relaxing dance-partner. I used to give him lessons when he was small. He was always exuberant, but had two left-feet. I remember once he managed to trip himself up and broke his wrist. He was very brave about it."

McCoy frowned. "Do you always talk so much when you're dancing, Chapel?" He still wasn't looking at her, and she wondered if she was irritating him.

"That's the point, isn't it? To get to know someone?" He made no reply. "It's what normal people do, doctor. I say something, usually about dancing, you respond with something of your own, and we have some sort of conversation that's rather inane but fills up the time. Or we could remain in silence, if you'd prefer."

He glanced up, looking amused. "What's your favourite colour, Chapel?"

"My favourite colour?"

"That's what I asked."

"I don't know. It varies with my mood I suppose."

He rolled his eyes at her. "What's your favourite colour at the moment then?"

"Brown." She replied assuredly.

"Brown? What sort of favourite is that?"

"The colour of wet earth." And his eyes. She smiled at him and began to feel herself relax. This was almost normal "I know yours, of course."

He looked sceptical. "Well, what is it then?"

"Green."

His eyes widened. "How the hell did you know that?"

"You like the outside – trees especially. It was an easy assumption to make."

He frowned at her. "Have I ever told you that you sound like Spock sometimes?"

"Usually it's when I'm right."

"He's normally as smug as you too." She laughed.

"So where did you learn to dance?"

"My mother used to send me to damned awful lessons on a Saturday morning."

"At least it came in useful."

"That's what she always says."

"She sounds sensible." He chuckled and she felt it vibrate through her hands. Good grief, she had missed him. She felt him softly move his hands from her waist to the bare skin on her back and she moved slightly closer to him. He felt good and right. Maybe they didn't have to have that talk. Maybe they could just go back to normal. They could be friends again and she could go on dreaming about that kiss. But already she could see him looking away from her face.

"Doctor, about…" She stopped as an image caught the corner her eye, and she turned to it. Those luminous eyes met hers from a few metres away, and very slowly, and with an unbelievable amount of menace, the man smiled at her. Her heart stopped.

"Chapel? What is-."

He never finished as she was flung from him and the room exploded.


	28. Chapter13 Part II Somewhere in Between M

13. Somewhere in Between – McCoy

_Here we all go. Let's get rid of this cliff-hanger (sort of). If you couldn't tell, this is the first time I've ever written fanfiction, or in fact allowed anyone to see any sort of fiction of mine, so thanks for being so patient and supportive of me. Thanks as ever for reading._

Part II

His uniform was tight and uncomfortable and he had spent the last four hours being simultaneously bored to tears over a particle physics accelerator whilst attempting to keep his temper with Scotty who seemed to want to touch everything he saw and kept disappearing underneath the machines. Now he was having to force himself to pay attention to some physicist with a background interest in medical lasers whilst wanting noting more than to escape outside, rain or no rain. And he had thought that this would be better than the Enterprise.

Chapel was alone he noticed. How had she managed to escape? She was standing on the balcony looking out to the mountains. She'd like a planet like this – with its unspoilt greenery and lakes and forests. Saying that, she was the sort of the person who was easily pleased. She saw beauty everywhere. He wondered what it was like looking through the universe with her eyes. She was almost childlike. Hell, she'd probably even enjoy the rain.

"How was your morning doctor?" Spock's voice cut through his thoughts, and he realised that the scientist beside him had disappeared – probably giving him up as a lost cause. He wasn't sure whether the Vulcan was a better replacement.

"Fascinating."

"Really doctor? I may be mistaken, but you seemed rather uninterested."

He frowned at the Vulcan. Good grief. "No, not really Spock."

"I see. You were attempting to be sarcastic."

"As I saw it, I was succeeding."

"Indeed. Forgive me doctor, but I have yet to understand Human humour."

"Well we'll add that to the list along with emotion and Human decency."

"Really? As I was aware, decency doesn't seem to be a primarily Human trait. In fact, when compared to other civilised races-."

"Damn it, Spock. Spare me the lecture."

He heard Jim laugh behind him. "Glad to see you're getting along like normal."

If by normal he meant that most of the time he wanted to punch the Vulcan, that would be correct.

"Excuse me captain, I must speak to Doctor Kpa."

"Of course." They watched the Vulcan leave and talk passively to a tall thin woman. "Do you think he's really interested in all this?"

"Well I don't know who else would be."

"Christine seemed to be. Who knew she knew so much particle physics? Remind me of that when I need to decode one of Spock's reports."

He glanced across to her. She was talking to Scott. "You know you could actually just ask Spock to explain his reports."

"Yes, but then he'd think less of me. Besides, I always learn more from a pretty face."

"Excuse me." A sweet woman's voice interjected. They both turned to see a Trill scientist addressing them. McCoy vaguely remembered seeing her at the welcome meeting.

"I'm sorry. We haven't met." Jim was immediately all over her like a rash. He rolled his eyes. You could never call Jim Kirk slow.

"My name is Farie Ajec. I am looking for Doctor McCoy?" She stepped away from Jim and looked at him directly like she already knew who he was. That made him wary.

"I'm Doctor McCoy." He said slowly.

She smiled at him. It made her look even younger. "I thought so. My colleague pointed you out, but I wanted to be sure." He nodded, waiting for her to go on. "You see, I have recently been working on a study looking at neural regeneration, and I've read your papers."

"Is that so?" Hell, that was what he needed. Another critic.

"Yes. They were brilliant." She blushed. "That is, I thought that they were very insightful."

That was interesting. "Well you'll be one of the first."

"Oh no, not at all. In fact, it was my Professor that first gave me your papers, and got me onto this subject in the first place. But I was wondering if you could help me with something."

He watched her face for any sign that she was playing with him. "Go on."

"You see my current project has been commissioned by the Federation. It's based on a new technology that recently came into their hands, but which they are struggling with. I've been neurally mapping the brain – in particular the conscious mind – in an attempt to transfer it to another synthesised one." Alarm bells began to ring in his mind. This sounded familiar. He searched her face. "I've had some success – but the problem is that the new brain appears to be static. I'm unable to coax it to form any new neuronal connections. I was wondering if you had any ideas."

New technology? Commissioned by the Federation? Oh hell. What exactly had happened to Korby's equipment? "I'm afraid I'm not going to be of much use. The brain is a very unique thing. The major problem I had with regeneration is just the problem that you're facing – encouraging new neuronal growth. I'm sorry. Excuse me." He needed to speak to Jim. Did he know? Christine was going to react badly if she heard about this. Hell, he hoped he was wrong.

He looked around and saw that she was no longer on the balcony. He felt suddenly sick. Where was she? He scanned the rest of the room, approaching Jim who was standing nearby.

"Bones?" Jim gave him an appraising look as he excused him from the young woman he was talking to and pulled him into the first available corridor.

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Chapel?" Who else?

"She's with Uhura. They're getting changed for the dinner." Relief perfused him. "What' wrong?"

"What happened to Korby's equipment?"

Jim looked surprised. "The Danube picked it up from Exo two months ago."

"And then? Only that Trill scientist just told me that she was working on a project with some technology Starfleet recently acquired – technology where you transfer a consciousness to a new brain. Please don't tell me that the Federation are using it, Jim. How the hell can that happen?"

The captain shook his head. "It can't be Korby's. I spoke to the Danube – they were taking it to be destroyed, and the android-clones things into maximum security."

"And you trust that happened?"

"Only after I had Admiral's Pike's personal reassurance. After they almost put me in one on Exo, I thought I'd better check. I don't know what technology she's talking about, Bones, but it's not Korby's."

He felt better. "Good. If it had been…"

"I know. You're looking out for Christine. Nothing to worry about though. Now how much gin am I going to have to ply you with before I get you in a shirt?"

"Hell, just send me back to the Enterprise Jim. I've done enough performing today."

"Absolutely not. I need my senior officers there. And on second thoughts, I probably don't want you there drunk."

"I'm never drunk. Not exactly."

Jim laughed. "Of course you're not. Come on."

He followed him slowly back to the main room, and watched him round up the others. There was no sign of the Trill scientist. Where had she gone? He found he didn't really care. Eventually they were all making their way to the rooms they had been assigned and changing into the clothes Jim had provided for such an occasion. And he had thought his dress uniform was bad. One day he was going to force Jim to wear something he picked out for him.

"All right gentlemen. You all look excellent. Let's go and turn some heads."

"Hear, hear." Grinned Scott. He didn't see what he looked so enthusiastic about. Wasn't he seeing that Orion girl Jim was once all over? Hell, as far as he was aware he and Jim were the only unattached members of the senior staff. That was a depressing thought. He loosened his collar, rolled back his sleeves and steeled himself to a night of torture.

Things didn't start off well. The hall was almost full and they were still waiting on Chapel and Uhura. He wondered if they had been more sensible and had escaped while they could.

"I never understand why women take so long." Sulu commented to him, checking the time. "Surely they just have to get changed?" That was rather ironic from a married man. Surely he was used to the waiting.

"It's the talking. Women never just change."

"What do they find to talk about?" Sulu looked bemused.

"I'll be damned if I know." Knowing them, it was more likely to be on astrophysics than shoes.

"Ah, here they are!" He heard Jim exclaim, and glanced up and had to do a double take. Oh hell. There she was, her hair loosely pinned into a golden pile onto her head, a dress the colour of her eyes, smiling softly, a slight blush on her cheeks showing that she was nervous. He felt his heart stop. It occurred to him that Christine Chapel was a very beautiful woman. He'd always know that of course – but right now, as he watched most of the male population's eyes on her – he really _knew_ it. This was what he'd given up.

"You might want to shut your mouth, Bones." Jim nudged him, and he attempted to regain control of himself as her eyes found his and he felt her gaze like a hit to his psyche. For a moment she was piercing through him to the core, her eyes calm and searching. He could feel the unspoken kiss hanging between them, and that acknowledgement forced him to look away. Damn it, he needed to keep away from her. Especially when she was looking like that.

At next glance Jim was talking to her, kissing her cheek and making her blush, and it took him a moment to dampen down the resulting spark of jealousy and pull himself together. He had managed to keep away from her for three weeks – he could do it tonight.

Spock was warning everyone as he approached. Good grief, he seemed to think that anyone with a greater emotional capacity than a rock was going to immediately get into trouble. "The probability of making an error with so many species in this room is high, and as representatives of Starfleet, the ramifications are-."

"Hell, Spock. We've all taken the damned intergalactic relations lessons." He interrupted before he had a chance to get into the full swing of it. He didn't think he could deal with another lecture on the illogicality of Humans tonight.

Jim grinned at him, and turned to the rest of them. "We all have, but let me remind you to be on your best behaviour. Let's make a good impression. Now off you go." They began to disperse in twos and threes. He noticed Sulu talking to Christine – hell, he should really stop looking at her.

"So what do you think, Bones?"

He pulled his attention back to his friend, and attempted to work out what he had been speaking about. He gave up. "About what?"

"About that Ventu girl over there. You see her? – the dark, pretty one."

He didn't bother looking. He wondered if Jim had already decided on his prey for the night within five seconds of walking in the room. "You do realise, Jim, what the Ventu males do to others who attempt to seduce their women?"

"As I recall, it has something to do with a fight to the death?" He grinned. "Don't worry – I have no intention of getting caught."

"You never do. Just don't expect me to stitch you up when you get yourself stabbed again."

"You say that every time."

"I mean it every time."

"So are you going to come over with me?"

"Hell no. You're on your own with this."

"Well that's probably for the best. You'll probably spend the whole night brooding over Christine anyway."

He scowled at his friend – largely because he was probably right. Jim grinned, gave him a mock salute, and disappeared into the crowds. He went to find a nice quiet corner where he would hopefully be left alone for the next few hours. He couldn't see Chapel from where he was standing. That was probably a good thing. He couldn't think coherently when she looked like that, and he had no plans to do something stupid tonight. He wondered what it was about Christine Chapel that made him simultaneously so weak and so strong. Never had he thought that any woman would be able to turn his head as absolutely as she had. But that being said, never had he thought he would be able to control himself as completely as he did now. Now he only had to keep up this for another four years. Which would be fine as long as he didn't have to speak to her or touch her. Which the ache in his chest said was going to be somewhat impossible.

The orchestra began to tune up. Oh hell – did that mean there would be dancing? He'd better stay hidden. There was no way he was going to be trodden on by a Tellerite, or have an Orion all over him. That was the primary reason why he hated such events. Jim could go to hell if he thought…

His thoughts were broken as Chapel materialised out of the crowds and walked towards him. Her face was smooth, but there was something in her stance, something in the way she was holding her hands in fists by her sides, that made alarms ring in his head for the second time that day. She was upset. Why was she upset? Oh hell, she really was heading towards him.

"Doctor."

"Chapel." She stood next to him, facing the wall, and didn't even glance in his direction. She was breathing slightly fast, and there was something akin to panic in her eyes. What the hell?

"There's a being – he must be just in front of you. Katarrean I think. Dark skin and golden eyes. Can you see him?"

He tore his eyes from her and scanned the floor. There was certainly no one there of that description. He couldn't remember seeing a Katarrean all night – and certainly no one with golden eyes.

"No. There's no one like that."

She swung around so suddenly he almost had to step back, and scanned the crowd with a frown. Just what was going on? It took an awful lot to rattle Christine. Why was she so worried about the Katarrean? He noticed in the corner of his eye that the young Trill scientist was watching them from the opposite corner. Despite Jim's insistence, he felt his concern growing and searched her face.

"Are you alright?" He'd never seen her look this openly worried before. For a moment he thought that she was going to cry.

"Fine." Her voice was brisk and he knew that she was lying. "Sorry. I must have been mistaken." She was pulling herself under control. Damn it, if she was in trouble he needed to know. She was already walking away, and he reached out to her without thinking.

"Chapel…" He could feel the electricity pulse under his hand through the satin of her dress. He'd forgotten just how strong it had been. He removed it quickly. She was looking up into his face, openly searching it with those penetrating eyes and he felt a combination of fear and desire wash over him. Why did she have to be so damned beautiful right now? He just wanted to hold her. He wasn't sure whether she saw something in his face or not, but she opened her mouth.

"There you both are." Damn it. Every damned time. It was like Jim had a special sense of when was the most inopportune moment to interrupt them. "Bones, really, I know that you're antisocial, but keeping Christine here is downright rude."

"I'm not keeping her anywhere Jim." He growled.

"Excellent. Come on Christine. Have I introduced you to the Diplomats from Tellerite we rescued? I think you'd just come aboard at the time."

Jim took her arm and led her away, and he cursed under his breath for several seconds before he felt better. He would have to find out what was going on now. If she'd got herself into trouble…

"That must have been Christine Chapel." A sweet voice interrupted, and he looked down to see the Trill scientist.

"Why do you say so?" He asked severely.

"I've seen her image several times. She is quite fascinating." She smiled at him and he felt his heart begin to beat hard. Why the hell would she know about Chapel?

"In what way?"

"Why, she used to work with Roger Korby, did she not? I believe that you cited one of his papers in your study."

She could be right. He wasn't sure. The fact that she used his name, and that of Chapel's in quick succession was more of a worry. "What do you know about Korby's research?" He asked harshly.

She shrugged, looking unconcerned at his manner. "About as much as the next scientist. I did hear that there was some drama on Exo a few months ago. And that Christine Chapel didn't come off well. I hear that the technology that they were dealing with was quite advanced."

"It's been destroyed." He said quickly, and the woman giggled in a way that made the hairs on his arm stand up.

"Has it? Well I'm sure that you'd know more about it than me. It would be interesting if it hadn't though, wouldn't it? Imagine what we'd be able to do…" Her face took on a faraway look that led him to believe that she had known exactly what the technology had been for. She certainly knew more than the next scientist.

"Nothing good, I'm sure."

She smiled at him. "Are you? You know, I'd really appreciate your input in my experiments."

"I've already told you what you're doing is impossible." _Had_ the Federation really commissioned her to map and transfer consciousnesses? Surely not, after they had seen the threat Korby had posed. How the hell had she got ethical approval?

"They said that about warp too."

"And the ethical ramifications of moving and teaching consciousnesses are vast."

"So is Starfleet's interference with alien species." She gave him a side-long look. "You know, after all I'd been told about you I really thought that you'd be more willing to help me. After all, if I succeed, we could eliminate the effects of neurodegenerative disease all together. Perhaps I should ask Nurse Chapel for help. I hear she is quite the scientist." Her face was pleasant, but there was no way that it wasn't a threat. Oh hell. What was going on?

"Leave Chapel out of this. She's a nurse - she'd know nothing about what you're doing." A clear lie.

"She knew what Korby was doing – wasn't that why he selected her to work with him?"

"Korby's work was nothing like yours. And as I said, what you're doing is impossible. You can't take an established consciousness and expect it to make new connections in a new brain."

"Korby disagreed."

"What are you basing that on?"

"Why, the Federation were kind enough to lend me his notes."

Oh hell. "Korby was a madman. You'd be better off destroying them. All his talk of building bodies and shifting consciousnesses are the talk of insanity." Which didn't mean that he hadn't succeeded in doing it.

"Perhaps in the wrong hands." The woman smiled. "Well, it was lovely to meet you, doctor McCoy. I hope that next time we do, that you'll maybe be more helpful. We're both on the same side, after all." Like hell they were. When he got back to the Enterprise the first thing he was going to do was check Korby's machinery had all been destroyed. And then he was going to lodge a complaint and make sure as hell that this Trill was reviewed for her ethics. Something was going on here. Something he didn't like to think about at all. Hell, he hoped he was wrong.

She disappeared off, and Sulu joined him and pulled him to the table to dinner. He didn't notice what was put in front of him – he didn't try and touch it, but was ever aware that Chapel was far away. Did the Katarrean have something to do with the Trill scientist? Had she been threatened? Had they mentioned Korby's work to her? Were they trying to get information from her? She'd seemed frightened. Damn it, he'd pushed her away and this was what happened. He was relieved when dinner was over.

He finally saw her walk out of the hall, and went to follow, only to see her return on the arm of a Tellerite as the music started. Damn it, he'd forgotten about the dancing.

"Well Bones, you look like a bundle of laughs." Jim said behind him.

"Go to hell Jim. Aren't there women here that you should be seducing?"

The captain laughed. "I was worried you'd scowl them off again. What's wrong?"

"I was speaking to that Trill again. She knows an awful lot about Korby."

Jim frowned. "That's odd."

"Apparently the Federation have given her all his notes."

Jim was shaking his head. "No they haven't. His notes were on the Enterprise when he beamed onto the surface. They're still on board – in storage."

He frowned. He wasn't sure why he didn't feel better. "Why the hell would she lie?"

Jim shook his head. "No idea. Maybe she's trying to impress you?"

"I doubt it…"

"What else is bothering you?"

Well, he might as well tell him the rest. "Something upset Chapel."

Jim glanced at his face, then at Christine on the dance floor. "She doesn't look upset to me."

He watched her move in the Tellerites arms with all the grace of a ballet dancer. She was speaking to him softly, a smile on her face. It was true, she didn't look upset. In fact, she looked entirely different from the woman he had see earlier about to cry. Jim slapped him on the shoulder. "You know, maybe instead of standing here brooding over her, you should dance with her."

That was definitely a bad idea. "I'm not dancing with anyone."

"She's your head nurse, Bones. Irrelevant of your feelings for her, it's bad form not to-."

"Jim. I'm not dancing with her." He interrupted firmly.

Jim shook his head. "Sometimes you're too stubborn for your own good. Well, I'm off to join the party."

He left him with a grin that made him roll his eyes, and he folded his arms and couldn't help but continue to watch her as she danced through six successive partners with apparent ease, culturally perfect. His father would have said that a woman like Christine Chapel was as far out of his league as the queen of Persia – beautiful, poised, kind and gentle. She was everything that he wasn't and undoubtedly too good for him. Now there was a happy thought.

She finally finished and sat down at the wall, and he watched her for a moment. Then he noticed that the Trill was moving towards her. Damn it. There was no way he was going to allow them to talk. He made his way over to her awkwardly, and she looked surprised when he took the seat next to her. Well of course she did – he'd all but ignored her for the last three weeks.

"Chapel."

"Doctor. How has your evening been?" Her voice was polite, as if she was attempting to make small talk with a stranger.

"As I expected." He wondered what it was like to be on an away mission where he didn't feel like a nervous wreck. "Yours?"

She smiled. "Tiring. They try and teach you about other species at the Academy, but they never quite prepare you for dealing with multiple species all at once. I've spent half the night worrying about whether I'm suppose to lead, or they are, and how close to dance for politeness. You're lucky you don't dance."

He frowned. It was one thing for her to understand why he didn't want to dance, but another thing entirely for her to expect him not to be able to. "I choose not to dance, Chapel."

The surprise on her face was insulting. "So you can?"

He realised belatedly that he'd just dug himself into a hole – if he said yes then she might expect him to dance with her. If he said no, then he would just be confirming her perceptions. Damn it. He shrugged and hoped that that would be enough and she turned back to the dancers. She was watching Spock and Uhura dance and smiling slightly. Well he'd be smiling too – Spock dancing made him want to laugh out loud at the contradiction of the man. Having her sit beside him made him miss her. She hadn't smiled in his presence for a long time, and he'd forgotten how it eased him. He missed being able to talk freely with her – and her talking freely with him. He missed her gentle teasing and her attempts to make him a better person. But he didn't see how he could be only friends with the woman he wanted to love. Not when he wanted her to love him back.

As soon as he saw Jim's face he knew it meant trouble. "Christine?" The captain bowed and he attempted not to grind his teeth. "May I have this dance?"

She smiled at him. Most women did. "Well, I probably shouldn't say no to my captain."

"It isn't advisable."

"All right then." He took her hand and led her on to the dance floor and he had to stamp on a wave of jealousy. He pointedly avoided looking at them.

Uhura, sounding slightly breathless, came and joined him a few seconds later with a smile.

"How are you, doctor?"

"Fine, Uhura. You?"

She grinned. "Excellent. I love dancing." And obviously with one person in particularly.

"Where _is_ Spock?"

"He went to get me something to drink."

"I'm sure it would be illogical for you to dehydrate." He pointed out sarcastically.

She frowned at him, then focused on Jim and Christine dancing. He realised that they were standing close. Far closer than was proper for a captain and a head nurse surely?

"They make a nice couple, don't they?" She said with a smile.

Oh hell. Jim better not be… Not when he knew how he felt about her. Unfortunately he knew all too well that right now Chapel was one of the most beautiful women in the room. He watched as his hands slid down her back. She was frowning at him, but she didn't move away. Damn, damn, damn. What the hell was he doing? If he dared move his hands any lower… Damn it he did it. He was going to kill him. How dare he? There was no way he was going to watch him seduce his head nurse. He was on his feet and walking towards him before he'd figured out what exactly he was planning on doing. However, the words came out without prompt. Clearly his brain was used to preparing for moments when he had to remove Jim from situations.

"Jim, there's a woman over there that wants to talk to you."

Jim smiled at him innocently. "Is that so? Which one?"

He was really going to do this? He ground his teeth and wracked his memory. "I don't know. Ventu. Dark and pretty."

"Ah, I know." Jim frowned slightly, clearly loathe to leave Chapel. "Well Bones, I trust that you'll finish with Christine for me."

Oh hell. He hadn't thought about that. He couldn't dance with her. And yet he was nodding. Clearly he had disconnected his brain from the rest of him. It wasn't until he saw Jim wink at her as he left that it hit him like a ton of bricks. Jim had planned this. Of course he had. Damn him. Now he was going to have to dance with her and the captain once again got his way. With friends like him…

Chapel wasn't looking at him. Oh hell, this was embarrassing.

"Damn it Jim." He muttered under his breath, then stepped closer and put his hands around her waist. It occurred to him a split-second later when she froze, that perhaps he should have asked her permission before he did that – that she might not even want to dance with him. Then she moved her hands smoothly onto his shoulders, her eyes on his. Hell, but she was beautiful. And close. He couldn't look at her. If he did he would kiss her. He focused on her shoulder. Her waist was small and her dress smooth under his hands and he kept his hands light and tried ignore of the feeling of her. She had a lovely neck – long and smooth. He wondered what would happen if he kissed it. Hell, he shouldn't be having that thought.

He realised she was speaking – and it sounded like it was about Jim. Damn it, he didn't want to hear about the captain right now. He was still annoyed at him. And he really needed to stop thinking about kissing Christine.

"Do you always talk so much when you're dancing, Chapel?" He asked. Focusing on her talking wasn't particularly easy right now.

"That's the point, isn't it? To get to know someone?" Her voice was cool and he wondered if he'd upset her. He didn't dare reply. "It's what normal people do, doctor. I say something, usually about dancing, you respond with something of your own, and we have some sort of conversation that's rather inane but fills up the time. Or we could remain in silence, if you'd prefer."

Good grief. She always managed to make him feel like an idiot. She really was something else.

"What's your favourite colour, Chapel?" He asked without thinking. The first question he'd asked every single woman he'd ever dated. Smooth, McCoy.

"My favourite colour?"

"That's what I asked."

"I don't know. It varies with my mood I suppose."

Of course it did. As if she would ever give him a simple answer. He rolled his eyes. "What's your favourite colour at the moment then?"

"Brown."

"Brown? What sort of favourite is that?" What sort of woman liked brown?

"The colour of wet earth." She explained with a smile, and he felt himself begin to relax in its presence. Of course. The rain. She gave him an arch look. "I know yours, of course."

"Well, what is it then?" They'd never had this conversation before, and he was fairly sure she couldn't know.

"Green."

He should have remembered she was a mind-reader. "How the hell did you know that?"

She grinned at him. "You like the outside – trees especially. It was an easy assumption to make."

"Have I ever told you that you sound like Spock sometimes?"

"Usually it's when I'm right."

"He's normally as smug as you too." She laughed and it sounded nice.

"So where did you learn to dance?" She asked, eyes intent on him.

"My mother used to send me to damned awful lessons on a Saturday morning."

"At least it came in useful." She pointed out.

"That's what she always says."

"She sounds sensible." He laughed. She was the first woman he'd met who he thought would be able to take on his mother in common sense. Instinctively he moved his hands onto the bare skin of her back, feeling her warmth. She moved closer to him and he almost smiled. How the hell had he managed to be away from her when she made him feel like this? The pull to kiss her was almost overwhelming, and he had to look away to control the impulse. He could feel hesitation beginning in her movements. He knew now they'd have to talk about it, but for the first time, discussing what had happened didn't seem like the end of the world.

"Doctor, about…" She stopped and turned from him suddenly, her face draining of colour.

He reached out to her, feeling panicked. "Chapel? What is-."

He never finished as she was flung from him and the room exploded.


	29. Chapter13 Part III Somewhere in BetweenC

13. Somewhere in Between - Christine

Part III

_The plot thickens. Here we go my dears, we are setting up for the final three chapters – from which this entire story is based upon. I hope you have been paying close attention, because all the pieces of this story will soon fall into place. Enjoy._

When she opened her eyes there was nothing to see, and she wondered if she had gone blind. Her ears were still ringing, and she could barely make sense the sounds around her. She sat up slowly, and then got onto her knees, feeling around her. A hand touched hers and she knew it was McCoy immediately. There was no mistaking his surgeon's hands. Obviously he recognised hers too, because he took it and pulled her close. She realised none of them could see – she wasn't blind after all. She felt him run his hands down her face and body, checking for injury, but she couldn't concentrate. Her ears were beginning to clear and she could hear cries for help and screams around her. There was movement, she could feel people brushing past her, hear the sounds of falling and crying out. McCoy was holding her tightly, she could feel him breathing heavily and the heart slamming in his chest. She leant against him for a moment, relieved that at least he was safe. Then she saw a light to her left. Just a pinprick. Someone was there. Was it the man with the luminous eyes? She got to her feet, and McCoy followed her. More pinpricks of light were appearing all around the room, growing larger with each heart beat. People stopped moving to watch in horrified fascination, but her attention was caught by the first. When the light grew large enough she saw that it was him. His luminous eyes were made all the more terrifying by the globe he was holding, but there was something about him. Something almost as magnetic as a moth to a flame. She watched as he turned and exited the room, and without hesitating, went to follow him, dropping McCoy's hand. He grabbed her arm, but she shook it off, and climbed over people in the increasingly bright light. She knew McCoy was following her, but didn't care. Who was this man? What did he want with her? She had to find out. The corridor was as dark as the hall had been, but the light the man was holding guided her and she held tightly onto the walls. She heard McCoy stumble behind her, and reached out and took his hand. She knew he could see the globe of light they were following, but he didn't try and pull her back. Maybe he too was interested in what they would find. The light ahead became brighter, and they walked through the doors into the moonlight. She turned around. The man had disappeared. Where had he gone?

She would have carried on moving forwards, but the sound of shots and loud screams from the hall made her spin around.

"Damn it." McCoy swore. His hand tightened on hers and he pulled her back through the corridor towards the sound of the firing. They stopped at the entrance. A group of figures surrounded the hall in a circle. They were masked in large black helmets that had been streaked with red to resemble blood, and were firing without discretion into the crowds of people. She struggled at first to see other members of the Enterprise, but then saw Jim attack one of the men with guns and suffer a point blank hit. She gasped, and McCoy dragged her back into the darkness as one of the figures turned to look down the corridor. She stood still and tried to stifle her panic. He couldn't be dead. He was James T. Kirk. A shot like that wouldn't kill him. They stood like that for a long time, McCoy with his arms around her, holding her still, even when she finally relaxed against him, resigned. She knew he was worried too – Jim was his best friend, and she could feel the tension down his frame. She leant her forehead against his neck and tried to offer what comfort she could. After an indefinitely long period the shooting stopped and all was still except the sound of dragging bodies. McCoy let go of her and they crept forward again. They were loading the bodies onto sheets and removing them out of the hall. She dreaded to think where they were taking them. McCoy took her hand again quickly and led her back down the corridors and into the night.

There was no sign of movement on this side of the building and McCoy dropped her hand and leant against the wall. She seriously thought she might vomit and lent her forehead on the cool of the metalwork, trying to clear the images of terrified faces and fallen bodies from her mind.

"What the hell is going on?" McCoy muttered in a strained voice. "The others…"

There was a rustle in the bushes nearby and he pushed her behind him.

"Sulu!" She breathed in relief, and went and hugged him.

"Christine. Doctor McCoy. What's going on?" He hugged her back fiercely. His face was pale and tense. She wondered what he'd been through.

McCoy shook his head, looking angry. "No idea. A group of people in masks shoot on a peaceful party of scientists and ambassadors on a peaceful planet in a damned peaceful quadrant. No damned idea. What did you see?"

Sulu looked worried. "I heard the blast – I was outside getting some air. I ran back into the corridor with some others, but one of the men in masks started shooting at us, and I couldn't get past him. It took me a while to lose him, and when I finally did all was quiet except for a bunch of the shooters, so I hid."

"Well that at least was sensible. Have you seen any of the others?"

He shook his head. "No. I was the only one of us outside when the shooting started."

"Hell." He looked sick as he pulled out his communicator from his pocket. "McCoy to the Enterprise." There was nothing but static for reply and McCoy glanced at her. "Enterprise, come in." There was no response again. "Damn it. They must be running interference. Any ideas Sulu?"

The man shook his head. "It could be coming from anywhere. These people are smart."

"Damned right they are. Setting a bomb and killing the lights to cause mass hysteria – then blinding and shooting them all."

"Quick and brutal. These people aren't here to reason." Sulu agreed.

"Well what are we going to do?" Christine asked. "We can't just stay here – if they're as smart as you think it won't take them long to realise that some people are missing."

Sulu nodded. "She's right. And we'll need to rescue the others. As far as I can tell from their weapons, I think they're only stunned."

"You're sure?" McCoy looked at him sharply.

"Fairly sure. And there were no wounds on the people that fell." She heard McCoy exhale in relief, and she sympathised. The idea that the others were dead – Uhura, Jim… it didn't bear thinking about.

"So we need to find out where they're taking them." McCoy agreed.

"It can't be far." She pointed out. "I haven't seen any vehicles, and they wouldn't have bothered to move them out of the hall if they had transporters. Surely this complex this size must have had cells and its own security system built in?"

Sulu nodded. "It has – not too far from here they've built an entire prison. Our guide pointed it out."

"Well that sounds hopeful."

"I'm going to need my purse." She told them. "I lost it in the explosion."

Sulu looked confused. "Your purse?"

McCoy gave her a wry look. "Been packing more explosives, Chapel?"

She blushed. Under the circumstances, she wished she had. "No – it's a very small bag. But it's got my medical kit in it, and a few other useful bits and pieces."

He met her eyes and nodded. "Alright. I'll go back in. Stay here."

"I don't think it's a good idea to split up." Sulu argued.

"And you probably have no idea what my purse looks like." She added.

He frowned at them both but reluctantly nodded. "Fine, but don't make a sound."

They crept back down the corridor, but there were no sounds coming from inside the hall. Sulu kept them back and peered in, then disappeared for a minute.

"It's all clear." He told them. "But we should be quick."

"I don't intend to hang about." McCoy muttered in her ear, and she smiled.

They followed him out into the hall, and she quickly made her way over to where she had initially fallen. The floor was littered with personal belongings, and, she was concerned to see, blood – but at least they had left some lights on. She found it close to where she thought she would, underneath some shoes.

"Psssst." The sound made her jump. Sulu froze in front of her. Somewhat surprisingly however, McCoy folded his arms and turned to face a corridor.

"Scotty, if that's you, get the hell out here."

Scott tiptoed out looking pale, head bleeding. "How did you know it was me?"

McCoy scowled at him, and she had the feeling he was about to say something rude, so interceded quickly. "Are you alright?"

"Aye – some men in masks shooting at us and dragging off the captain, but otherwise I'm peachy. What's going on?"

McCoy shook his head. "You'll know more than us. We weren't in here when it happened."

"Well that's good luck. It wasn't a pretty sight. I had to hide under the body of a Tellerite for half-an-hour before I managed to get away, and that wasn't pleasant, I'll tell you that for nothing." She couldn't decide whether him hiding under someone else's body to avoid the shooting was clever or awful, so attempted not to think about it.

"We should go." Sulu said, eyes scanning the room.

"Fine." McCoy agreed. "Come on." They walked back up the corridor, and waited for Sulu to give the all clear again outside.

"What does the Enterprise say about all this?" Scotty asked, rubbing his ribs and wincing, but otherwise looking rather jolly.

"We couldn't get through. I'll try again." He pulled out his communicator. "McCoy to the Enterprise." The static erupted down the line again. "Enterprise-."

"Give me that." Scotty snatched it from him and began to turn its dials. "There's a dampening field, but it doesn't sound like its coming from here." He listened thoughtfully, then frowned. "I think the Enterprise is producing it."

"The Enterprise?" Sulu frowned. "Why would they-?"

"Well I don't know, do I? But someone's going to get in serious trouble when I get back – I've only just realigned the system."

McCoy rolled his eyes, and she passed him a dermal regenerator. "Let me see your head, Scotty."

"Aye, you'd best have a look at it." He stood still, and the doctor healed it in a matter of seconds. She went through the rest of the contents of her bag and pulled out her pocket knife, then removed her shoes and began to slice up the bottom of her dress.

"Chapel? What the hell are you doing?" McCoy asked her with a frown. Even Sulu looked surprised. She sighed. Clearly they were men and thought that a woman could run and fight in a floor length dress and heels. Quite possibly there were some that could, but she wasn't one of them.

"I'm cutting away the bottom of my dress so that I can move freely." She told them, and glanced at Scott. "And please don't mention this to Gaila. I think she might kill me if she knew." He grinned at her. She cut up to her knees and removed the fabric with a sigh. Clearly this dress was destined to be worn only once. Then she pulled a pair of flat shoes from her bag and put them on, and hid her heels, the flower from her hair, and material under a bush. "Right, that's better. Shall we go?"

She saw McCoy and Sulu look at one another as Scotty replied: "Absolutely. Let's. Go where?"

"We're going to rescue the rest of the crew." Sulu told him.

"Oh I see. So we know where they're being held?"

"Not for sure, but it seems pretty likely they've taken them to the empty prison a few blocks from here."

"And we're going to break in?"

"That's the plan."

"That sounds awfully dangerous." He grinned cheerily. "Nothing like a bit of excitement to get you going."

She heard McCoy mutter something that sounded something awfully like "You're already gone" under his breath and hid a smile behind her hand. This was, officially, one of the strangest rescue parties she had ever been a member of.

They moved slowly out towards the prison. Sulu had an excellent sense of direction, but there were people in masks at almost every turn. She wondered where the rest of the scientists were. There had only been a handful in the hall. Had they been captured too? Were they the people in the masks? Or maybe they were simply so absorbed in their work they didn't even notice what was occurring below?

The 'prison' was unlike any prison that she had seen before. In fact, she wouldn't have known it was that until Sulu pointed it out. It looked more like a series of apartments. They stopped around the corner, and peered at it in the darkness.

"It's an awfully large building for such a small population." She murmured to the McCoy.

He nodded. "There are an awful lot of scientists in prisons that the Federation still needs to work." That thought chilled her. She wondered if Roger would have been sent to a place like this.

"It's surrounded by a security field." Sulu told them. "And there are guards everywhere."

"Well, for a place full of scientists, you'd have thought they'd invest in something a bit better." Scotty smiled. "I'd break out of here in about ten minutes."

"So you can bring down the field?" McCoy looked doubtful.

"Aye. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Well that leaves the guards. You wouldn't happen to have a phaser in that bag, would you Chapel?"

She frowned at him. He knew full well that she never carried a phaser. "No. But I do have several rounds of sedatives."

Sulu was looking thoughtful. "Sounds like we have a simple case of distract and deflect. We need a distraction at the door, then a deflection further away that will cause the guards to move. Then we and take out any guards left at the door and we're through. Scotty, do you think you could cause some sort of explosion after you take down the forcefield?"

"How big?"

"Not too big. We don't want them to think they're under attack after they check it out."

"I'm sure I could tamper with the shield technology a bit. It'll make a bang, but it'll look like a malfunction up close."

"That sounds good. Christine – can you make a distraction at the door?"

She smiled at him. He knew she could full well. "Yes."

"The hell you can." McCoy scowled at her. "There's no way she's getting involved in this."

"She's done it in the past." Sulu pointed out. "It was how we escaped on Polaris."

"I don't give a damn what she's done in the past. This is different."

She sighed, and folded her arms. He ignored her for weeks, and then chose the most inconvenient moment to become protective. "Doctor, remind me which of us broke into a prison recently."

He frowned at her but she could tell he was remembering. "Damn it Chapel." She knew she'd won.

Sulu gave her a smile. "All right then – let's do this. Have you got what you need Commander?"

"Aye, I'll manage."

"Good."

"Can I just say that this is a damned stupid idea?" McCoy was frowning. "Am I the only one worrying about how we're going to get out? Or are we just forgetting about that part?"

"We might have to play it by ear."

"By ear. Fantastic." He muttered. "Well let's get this farce going. Off you go Scotty."

"Wait. Here." She handed the engineer her small torch. "So we know when you're ready."

"Blimey. Got any candlesticks in there?" Scotty stared at her bag and then gave them a salute. "See you in a jiffy."

He jogged around the other side of the building and disappeared into the darkness. It was beginning to rain again, and she rubbed her arms, beginning to become aware of the cold. How on earth was she going to distract men in masks who shot on a crowd without a thought? She watched them pace the entrance to the prison and tried to read their body language. There wasn't much to read. They didn't communicate with one another. They didn't look at one another. She didn't even know their species. Somewhere under those horrific masks were people, but she had the feeling that they were people who would not be impressed with weakness. She was going to have to play this carefully.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Sulu whispered to her.

She nodded and pulled out her knife, then loaded several rounds of sedative into her hypospray and hid it up her sleeve.

McCoy was watching her wordlessly as Sulu peered around the corner to wait for the sign. She expected him to say something. She knew he thought this was a bad idea – she could see it in his face. She was beginning to wonder if she could pull this off herself. She just hoped that Scotty's explosion removed most of the guards.

"Alright. There's the signal." Sulu whispered. "Look surprised when the explosion goes off. I don't want them to suspect you."

"Ok." Her heart was beginning to beat hard in her chest. She handed her bag to McCoy and tried to smile at him. "Keep it safe."

He touched her hand for a moment, and she found she couldn't meet his eyes. "Keep yourself safe, Chapel."

"We'll be right behind you." Sulu added.

With a deep breath she began walking. She staggered slightly, making herself look injured, and slightly wobbly. She heard a shout as they spotted her, and forced herself to stop as three men began running to her.

"What have you done with them?" She shouted at them. "Where are they?" She put a wobble in her voice, making her look frantic.

One of the guards, phaser aimed at her, approached closer. The others stayed slightly back. She counted to ten, then pulled out her knife, knocked the phaser out of his hand and put it to his throat before they had a chance to react. It had been a risk – she had been relying on the fact they wouldn't suspect her, and thankfully it worked. More guards had run towards her, but she kept the knife close to his neck and attempted not to think about the person under the helmet.

"Where are they? Tell me, or I will kill him." She kept the hysteria in her voice. She needed them to believe she was unhinged enough to do it.

To her surprise, the man spoke Standard without a hint of an accent. She had somehow expected him to be a member of a hostile species. "Put the knife down and we will talk."

"No. I don't believe you. I watched you shoot all of them. Take me to them and I will let him go."

"I think not." He waved his hand and several phasers began charging.

"Are you really so emotionless that you'll allow one of your own people to die?" She was beginning to worry that they were.

"If necessary."

The explosion couldn't have come at a better time. She forced herself to look surprised, and lower her knife slightly so that her 'prisoner' could grab her arm and force it from her hands. He knocked her to her knees as another guard ran forwards and aimed a phaser at her head.

Surprisingly, inside she felt quite calm, but put a tremor in her voice again. "What was that? What are you doing? Are you killing more people? Is that what that was? Answer me!"

The guard who had spoken to her turned to some of the others. "You four – see what that was." That evened the playing field somewhat. There were three left. She could deal with three. She just had to eliminate herself as a threat. She curled further on the ground and wrapped her arms around herself, watching the other guards disappear in the corner of her eye.

"Take her inside. Put her with the others." She would have to take them out without a shout. She hoped that Sulu was watching – they didn't want phaser-fire if they could avoid it. That was going to be difficult. She pulled the hypospray from her sleeve and watched out of the corner of her eye as two of the guards approached. She would look broken now – all of her fight gone. She allowed them to pull her to her feet, then in the quickest move she could manage sedated the guard on her right, and kicked the legs from the guard on her left and knocked his phaser away. She went to sedate him too, but he was too quick, grabbing her arm, and slamming it against the ground so she dropped the hypospray. He was strong – much stronger than a Human and she couldn't resist much when he forced her backwards onto the ground, pinning her legs down and holding her arms above her head. As he crushed her ribs with his body she desperately attempted to free her arms as spots moved in front of her eye. What species was he? How could she find his weak-spot if she didn't know his species? Just when she was panicking from hypoxia, he was wretched from her, and fell limp on the ground next to her. McCoy sedated him several more times with a scowl and pulled her up.

"You alright?" She nodded slowly, and met his eyes. For a moment he looked relieved. That was replaced quickly. "That was completely idiotic, Chapel. What the hell were you thinking?" Of course he was angry. He usually was. But, she also noticed, he also hadn't let go of her hand.

"I was hoping you had my back."

"Well next time you hope that, make sure that you sedate a guard properly."

She noticed that the first guard she had sedated was now in a different place, and looked considerably bloodied. "He came round? I gave him a full dose."

"Must have been a damned resistant species. It was a ridiculous risk you took."

Sulu breathlessly joined them. Obviously the leader of the guards had put up more of a fight. "Actually, it was pretty brilliant. My favourite ninja nurse."

She smiled at McCoy pointedly. At least someone appreciated what she had been doing. "Thank you. Now you'd best put on their jackets and helmets. We won't have much time." She tried to ignore the pain in her chest. She had a feeling she might have broken a rib.

McCoy scowled at her again, but Sulu was nodding. "I'll admit it took me a bit to see what you were aiming for. When the guards come back they'll expect you to have been taken inside by the others. It's a nice cover. Nice and quiet."

"Let's hope so." She agreed, and began to remove the helmet of the nearest supine body, passing it up to him. "Where's Scotty?"

"Right here." The man appeared behind them. "But apparently I've missed all the fun and games. We need to be quick. They're on their way back."

"Damn." McCoy muttered, and dropped to one of the other bodies and began to remove its helmet.

She frowned in surprise. "They're all different species." The blue-skinned Lurian looked completely different from the Kavarian, whose helmet she had removed. "Why would they be working together? They're from different sides of the galaxy. I don't understand."

"Hell, worry about that later Chapel." McCoy hissed at her, and she collected herself and removed the other helmets and handed them out, then picked up their phasers. She stored her hypospray back up her sleeve and took her bag back from McCoy with a smile.

He shook his head at her, looking unhappily at the hypospray. "Never can keep out of things." She heard him mutter, and she wondered if it was directed at himself or her.

They hid the bodies around the block, and walked towards the doors. "Remember, I'm your prisoner." She muttered, and McCoy and Scotty grabbed her arms on either side. She attempted not to wince. If she hadn't broken something, she was at least bruised. McCoy seemed to sense this, and relaxed his grip, but Scotty was ever oblivious.

They stopped at the first console and Scotty hacked it in under ten seconds, murmuring to himself about sloppy coding.

"Hey! What are you doing?" She felt her heart freeze as another guard came towards them, communicator in hand. Before she could even think, McCoy was stepping forwards.

"We've been told to put the woman with the others." His voice was calm and deliberate.

"So why are there three of you?" There was suspicion in his voice, and she attempted to place his accent as her heart beat hard in her chest.

"She pulled a knife on one of the guards. You're welcome to take her from here on your own if you want."

The man turned to her, and she put a manic glint in her eyes and showed him that she would happily kill him if he gave her the opportunity.

She must have been convincing, because the man shook his head. "Take her through." She didn't dare relax as they marched her down the corridor. However, the man called to them again before they turned the corner. "We heard an explosion. What was it?"

"Some malfunction. They're looking at it now." She almost sighed when the doors slid shut behind them and Scotty found another panel and deadlocked it.

"This place is lovely, it is. Not like any prison I've ever seen." He murmured. He had a point. There were pot plants by the windows, and the walls were littered with pictures in frames. Compared to the prison she had rescued McCoy from, it was a veritable palace.

"Jim always lands on his feet." McCoy muttered. "Hurry up, Scotty. It's only going to be a matter of time before they find those bodies."

She had a bad feeling as they walked quickly down the corridor and through another set of doors. "Does anyone else feel like this is too easy?" She asked slowly.

Almost on cue the sound of shouts echoed towards them and McCoy swore at her. "You just had to say something, didn't you Chapel?"

"Come on." Sulu shouted, and they ran down the rest of the passage, coming out into a hall with a series of doors coming off. Sulu and McCoy shot the six guards before they could react.

"Which one?"

"Captain Kirk? Commander Spock? Can you hear me?" Sulu shouted, removing his mask.

There were shouts and banging on several of the doors, and Scotty and Sulu ran and opened them. People tumbled out of the cells, but there were no sign of the Enterprise crew.

"Where now?" She asked, as people brushed past her, looking panicked. She couldn't ignore that some of them were injured.

"There's more downstairs." Scott told her.

Shots were being fired and she glimpsed black helmets swathing towards the doors and blocking the entrance and the people inside.

Scott and McCoy pulled off their helmets. "Doctor, you and Christine go and find the captain. Sulu and I can hold things here."

McCoy was looking at the jostling, screaming people uncomfortably. Some of them were already going back into their cells. Others looked like they were going to help make a stand. "You're sure?" She wasn't sure how they were going to hold so many with two phasers.

"Aye. Get a move on." Sulu was already shooting at the guards, pushing them back. "You two, come and help me bar these doors." He shouted at two large Varalans.

McCoy grabbed her hand and pulled her through a door and into a turbolift. It moved downwards and she watched him check his phaser and pulled her hypospray down her sleeve.

He glared at her as they came to a stop. "Don't do anything stupid." She smiled at him.

The doors opened, and he shot two of the guards on the spot and she followed him out and kept to the walls as more shots were aimed at them. She counted another three – McCoy dropped another, and she edged as quietly as she could around the periphery and sedated one of the guards from behind as he took care of the final one. She reminded herself to find out where he'd learnt to shoot one day. He really was a great shot.

"Jim? Spock? Are you here?"

"Doctor McCoy. We are in here." Spock's calm voice called to them.

They found the door, and she pulled up the computer system and attempted to overwrite the lock.

"Hell, no time for that Chapel." He moved her out of the way by her shoulders and shot the lock and pried the doors open.

Spock was standing waiting for them, but Jim was unconscious on the floor, head on Uhura's knees.

"Jim?"

"He was hit at close range, doctor. He has yet to come around."

She hugged Uhura, who hugged her back with an equal amount of relief, then pulled the scanner from her bag and handed it to McCoy, who was checking the captain's papillary responses. She showed him the readout and he scowled and shook the captain hard.

"Jim. Open your damn eyes. NOW Jim."

She heard Jim groan, but his eyes flickered obediently open. "Hell, you could raise the dead Bones." He murmured thickly.

"At this rate I'm damn well going to have to." He scowled and glanced at her. "He's concussed. Nothing serious."

She nodded and looked at the others. "Are you all ok?"

"We are fit enough that we might leave. It was only our concern for the health of the captain that prevented us from breaking out." Spock answered.

The doctor rolled his eyes at her. "Do we have to take him with us?" Uhura frowned at him and she had to hide her smile.

She focused her thoughts on the most pressing matters. "We're underground – Sulu and Scotty are trying to hold upstairs." She told them. "We haven't managed to make contact with the Enterprise. Commander Scott says that incoming signals are being blocked by the ship itself."

"Interesting. Did Commander Scott-."

"Hell – Spock can I recommend that we get out of here first and worry about that later." McCoy was already pulling Jim up and over his shoulder.

"Doctor, it is illogical to attempt to leave if we are unable to return to our ship."

"You think it's logical to stay here?"

"I am merely pointing out that-."

"SPOCK."

"Very well, doctor." He helped Uhura to her feet and McCoy handed him his phaser. She left quickly and helped the Vulcan free those in the other cells. They swarmed out in numbers, but seemed more orderly than those above. She realised that they had been organised in cells according to species. That thought chilled her. Why would they do that?

"Christine Chapel." The voice made her turn and the Illyrian bowed to her.

"Plat." She nodded, glad that she had somehow managed to remember his name. "Come – bring your people. We need to leave quickly."

"I understand. My thanks for freeing us."

"Chapel, get in here." McCoy shouted to her. They were already in the turbolift. She joined them quickly and the door sealed shut. They stood in silence for a few seconds and she almost laughed at the ludicrousity of the situation – a semi-conscious captain, Uhura holding Spock's hand, McCoy muttering under his breath. However, every thought was pushed from her mind when the doors opened. There was shooting going on, a few bodies on the floor, and several people holding the doors where guards were attempting to pour through. However, she was distracted by a figure standing still in the doorway of a corridor she hadn't even noticed before. His golden eyes drew her towards him and for a moment she was fixed to them. He was smiling at her malevolently. She could feel people brushing past, but no one else seemed to notice him. He wore no helmet like the others. Why did he wear no helmet – when he knew that she would be able to identify him? What part did he play in this? Just who exactly was he, and what did he want with her? When he turned and began to walk back down the corridor the pull he had on her was so strong that she automatically moved across the room, impeded by people in her way. She knew somewhere that she shouldn't be separated from the others, that there were injured people that needed her help, that she could get herself lost or captured or worse, but, somehow, that didn't seem to matter.

The corridor was dimly lit – not like the others they had been in. She slowed down as she entered, some instinct overwhelming the hold the being had on her. She put the hypospray in her hand and made her way forwards. He was waiting for her just ahead. He made no move in either direction and she stopped a few metres away.

"Who are you?" She asked him quietly. "What do you want?"

He simply looked at her. Did he understand Standard? She tried the basics of the few other languages that knew, but he made no response. His eyes were unnerving. They literally glowed in the dim light. There was something about him. Something that terrified her to her very core – but she couldn't work out why.

"Chapel?" She heard footsteps slowing behind her. Clearly McCoy had seen who she was looking at. She felt him touch her back, then put himself between them, shielding her from the intensity of his stare and ready to fight. "Who the hell are you?"

The being hadn't shifted his gaze in the slightest, as if he hadn't even noticed the doctor's presence. He pointed a finger at her and very slowly smiled. "I will return for you Christine Chapel."

Then, without prompt, he was beamed away, and she stood stunned.

"Christine, what is going on?" McCoy's voice was soft and anxious.

She looked up and met his eyes. She didn't know how to explain. How could she? She shook her head slowly and terror waved through her. "I don't know. I really don't know."

He looked worried but reached down and pulled her close and for a moment she remembered how much she loved him. "Come on. The communicator's working again." He took her hand led her back to the main room. Spock and Uhura were arranging the transport of the other beings as a phaser cannon was now cutting through one of the doors and Scotty was attempting to reflect its beam with some pieces of broken metal. She realised that Sulu must have already taken the captain aboard.

"Christine? What happened?" Uhura ran to her, face as concerned as McCoy's had been.

"Nothing." She smiled in an attempt at reassurance as Uhura looked between her and McCoy.

McCoy's face was professionally blank and gave away nothing. "Are there casualties?"

"They went aboard first. You should go up next."

"Fine. Come on Chapel."

A few minutes later in the sickbay every thought was pushed from her mind as she attempted to organise the chaos of innumerable injured. Nothing were particularly serious, but the sheer number of species kept her on her toes, and it took them almost four hours to clear them, some being found quarters, others transported to their own ships. She worked at the doctor's side, and for a while it was like normal. Then, subtly, he began to distance himself from her again, until somehow, without her knowing quite how, they had gone back to the way they were before the away mission, him silent and barely looking at her. When he finally retired to his office and shut the door she had to sit down at her own desk. She was still in her dress, not having found time to change, her hair had almost come loose, and the stabbing pain in her side had dulled to a persistent ache. She felt like crying again. After what they had just been through she had thought things would just go back to normal now. But they hadn't. And, after the events of tonight, she realised just how much she needed him. Because she was scared. She was truly scared. And she needed him to take her hand again.

She knew what she had to do. She'd always known really, but she'd been clinging onto hope. Silly really, to expect Leonard McCoy to have feelings for her. His friendship would be enough. At least for now, it would have to be enough.

She knocked at his door, and didn't wait for him to respond. He had changed back into his uniform, and was sitting at his desk with a drink in hand. He looked exhausted and strained. He didn't say anything as she came in, didn't even look at her, eyes focused on the brown substance in the glass before him.

"Doctor, I need to say something." She shut the door and he looked up uncomfortably, and opened his mouth, but she raised her hand. "Please, just let me just say this." He was frowning hard and standing up. Fearful that he might actually walk out, she said it. "We kissed." He quite literally froze. Then, very slowly, he sat back down, eyes completely hers for the first time in a long time. The rest came tumbling out. "We kissed." She repeated. "And I know that you regret it. I understand why. But you were ill and I was… well I was slightly insane." That was one word for how she felt about him. "It was a mistake, and I'm asking you to forget about it. Because our sickbay is suffering…" She took a deep breath and wondered if she dared say the rest. "And so am I. I miss your friendship." And she loved him. But that would have to remain unsaid. She would not jeopardise things between them again. "So please, doctor. I'm asking you to pretend it never happened."

There was silence and he sat still, watching her. There were so many expressions in his eyes she couldn't read them, and for a moment she wasn't sure what he would do. Then, he swallowed his drink in one and he nodded. That was all she needed.

"Goodnight." She murmured, and closed the door quietly behind her.

She could pretend she didn't love him. Maybe she would even eventually get over him. But as she slept she dreamt of his mouth on hers, his hands stoking her back, and a pair of luminous eyes, watching them from a distance.


	30. Chapter13 Part III Somewhere in BetweenM

13. Somewhere in Between - McCoy

Part III

_My favourite pair of chapters are coming up next – I can hardly wait for you to read them. And there's one last character for you to meet – my favourite one. I'm sure some of you can guess who that is, and some of the events that are going to happen. I've left a lot of hints throughout this story. Expect plenty of fireworks to come. But back to the story. Thanks for reading._

There was nothing but darkness as he sat up. The lights must have gone down in the blast. His ears were ringing and sounds were amorphous as he groped around for Chapel. How far had she been thrown? Trying to ignore the rising tide of panic he stayed on his hands and knees and began to crawl in the direction she seemed to have been thrown in before darkness had fallen. After a few metres his hand touched something familiar and he recognised the long fingers as hers and took her hand. She appeared to be sitting up, and he pulled her close and ran his hands down her face and body in the darkness. She didn't have any major injuries that he could feel. He thanked everything he could think of for that and held her tightly, feeling her heart beat fast and her hands still in his. Then she stood up suddenly like she had seen something. He noticed that there was a light coming to his left. A light someone was holding. What the hell? He pulled himself to his feet. Now there were more of them, encircling the room. Hell, this couldn't be good. This was certainly no emergency lighting. They were people, dressed in black, with helmets covered in red to resemble blood. The image tugged at a memory that he couldn't quite place. He had a feeling it wouldn't be a good one.

Chapel dropped his hand and began to walk away fast. What the hell? Where was she going? He grabbed her arm to stop her but she shook it off, making her way resolutely over to something that he hadn't seen. He didn't hesitate as he followed. He didn't dare let her out of his sight. His heart couldn't take it. However, when she walked into the pitched black corridor he swore. Things could never be easy for him. He noticed there was a light up ahead and almost stumbled. What the hell? They were following someone? He felt Chapel take his hand and it calmed him slightly. There was no point trying to pull her back – he had the feeling that they were no safer in the hall than out here. At least there was only one of them. Damn, he wished he'd brought a phaser.

They walked out of a pair of doors and into the moonlight and he noticed that the light had disappeared. Chapel was looking perplexed and he was about to demand from her just what the hell was going on when the sound of shooting and screams echoed out from the hall.

"Damn it." The others. He pulled her back through the corridors and to the edge of the hall. The masked group were firing without discretion of the group of people who were massing in an attempt to flee. The image shocked and disgusted him as he attempted to search for any sign of the other crewmembers. Jim caught his eye across the hall attempting to tackle one of the guards, but was shot point-blank and dropped to the floor. Chapel gasped in echo to his feelings and he dragged her into the darkness as one of the shooters looked down the corridor. He kept his arms tightly around her mostly for his own benefit – because he wasn't sure what he was going to do, because every fibre of him was screaming at him to get in there and pull Jim out – and he knew it would be suicide if he did. Oh hell. Jim. And the others? Spock? Surely not. Surely they couldn't be dead. She relaxed against him after a while as the screams and cries began to lessen, leaning her forehead against his neck, trying to comfort him in the way that was so like her. Hell, he didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't been there. When the shots finally ceased he counted to five hundred, then finally let go of Chapel and crept forward. They were loading bodies onto plastic sheets and moving them out of the hall. To where? Why the hell would they want all those bodies? He took Chapel's hand quickly and pulled her back down the corridors and outside. The moon shone ironically brightly as he leant against the wall. Oh hell. He was never going to forget the sounds of those screams.

"What the hell is going on?" He muttered to the darkness. "The others…"

There was a rustle in the bushes and he grabbed Chapel and pushed her behind him.

"Sulu!" Chapel cried in relief, and pushed past him to hug him.

"Christine. Doctor McCoy. What's going on?" The man looked like he'd been through hell. He could sympathise. He was frustrated at his ignorance. How could this have happened without any warning?

"No idea. A group of people in masks shoot on a peaceful party of scientists and ambassadors on a peaceful planet in a damned peaceful quadrant. No damned idea. What did you see?"

"I heard the blast – I was outside getting some air. I ran back into the corridor with some others, but one of the men in masks started shooting at us, and I couldn't get past him. It took me a while to lose him, and when I finally did all was quiet except for a bunch of the shooters, so I hid."

"Well that at least was sensible. Have you seen any of the others?"

Sulu shook his head. "No. I was the only one of us outside when the shooting started."

"Hell." So the rest of them… Damn, he needed the Enterprise to find out where they were. "McCoy to the Enterprise." There was nothing but static. He met Chapel's eyes. She looked deceptively calm. "Enterprise, come in." There was no response again. "Damn it. They must be running interference. Any ideas Sulu?"

He shook his head. "It could be coming from anywhere. These people are smart."

"Damned right they are. Setting a bomb and killing the lights to cause mass hysteria – then blinding and shooting them all." It was guerrilla tactics. Not something he'd expect on a Federation planet.

"Quick and brutal. These people aren't here to reason." Sulu agreed.

Chapel glanced at them both. "Well what are we going to do? We can't just stay here – if they're as smart as you think it won't take them long to realise that some people are missing."

"She's right." Sulu agreed. "And we'll need to rescue the others. As far as I can tell from their weapons, I think they're only stunned."

"You're sure?" He asked sharply. Hell, please say he was sure. Now he came to think about it, it hadn't been as bloody as it should have been, but with all these new-fangled weapons these days…

"Fairly sure. And there were no wounds on the people that fell."

Thank goodness. Of course, Jim wouldn't die like that. He'd never met a man so lucky in his life. "So we need to find out where they're taking them." He offered.

"It can't be far." Christine pointed out. "I haven't seen any vehicles, and they wouldn't have bothered to move them out of the hall if they had transporters. Surely this complex this size must have had cells and its own security system built in?" Ever calm in a crisis.

Sulu nodded. "It has – not too far from here they've built an entire prison. Our guide pointed it out."

"Well that sounds hopeful." It would be the perfect place if they were still alive. Before they did whatever they were planning to do with them.

"I'm going to need my purse. I lost it in the explosion." Chapel told them

Sulu looked confused. "Your purse?"

He almost smiled. Of course. Christine Chapel. Always prepared for everything. That was one of the reasons he loved her. "Been packing more explosives, Chapel?" He asked, enjoying the blush the stained her cheeks.

"No – it's a very small bag. But it's got my medical kit in it, and a few other useful bits and pieces."

He nodded. They'd need all the help they could get. "Alright. I'll go back in. Stay here."

"I don't think it's a good idea to split up." Sulu argued immediately.

"And you probably have no idea what my purse looks like." She added.

He frowned at them. Hell, he was trying to keep him safe, and they conspired against him at every turn. What chance did he have? "Fine, but don't make a sound."

They crept back down the corridor. All was silent now, and it was eerie, making the air heavy. Sulu scouted the hall, then returned back for them. "It's all clear." He told them. "But we should be quick."

"I don't intend to hang about." He muttered in Chapel's ear, enjoying her responding smile. She made her way over to where she had fallen in the first place, and removed some of the debris to unearth he small black purse from the floor.

"Psssst." The sound made him pause initially. Then it occurred to him that no guard was going to make such a characteristically Human noise. In fact, there was only one Human in his acquaintance that would.

"Scotty, if that's you, get the hell out here."

Scotty tiptoed out looking pale. He was bleeding from a nasty gash on his head, but otherwise seemed well. Well as well as normal. "How did you know it was me?"

He scowled at the man. He really needed to ask that? Christine prevented his answer. "Are you alright?"

"Aye – some men in masks shooting at us and dragging off the captain, but otherwise I'm peachy. What's going on?"

He shook his head. "You'll know more than us. We weren't in here when it happened."

"Well that's good luck. It wasn't a pretty sight. I had to hide under the body of a Tellerite for half-an-hour before I managed to get away, and that wasn't pleasant, I'll tell you that for nothing." Good grief. He'd hidden under another person's body? He supposed in such circumstances people did what they had to to escape. But really?

"We should go." Sulu said edgily.

"Fine." He agreed. This place was beginning to feel like a mass grave "Come on." They walked back outside.

"What does the Enterprise say about all this?" Scotty asked rather distastefully enthusiastic.

"We couldn't get through. I'll try again." He pulled out his communicator. "McCoy to the Enterprise." The static erupted down the line again. Damn it. "Enterprise-."

"Give me that." Scotty snatched it from him and began to turn its dials as if the sounds were speaking to him. "There's a dampening field, but it doesn't sound like its coming from here." He listened thoughtfully, then frowned. "I think the Enterprise is producing it."

"The Enterprise?" Sulu frowned. "Why would they-?"

"Well I don't know, do I? But someone's going to get in serious trouble when I get back – I've only just realigned the system."

He rolled his eyes. Because that was their major worry right now. Chapel passed him a dermal regenerator with a look that reminded him he had a duty to perform. "Let me see your head, Scotty."

"Aye, you'd best have a look at it." It wasn't deep, but he examined it carefully, then healed it in a few seconds and wiped away the blood. He almost jumped when he turned and saw Chapel, knife out, cutting up her dress. He wondered whether the stress of the situation had finally got to her.

"Chapel? What the hell are you doing?"

She gave him a patient look. "I'm cutting away the bottom of my dress so that I can move freely."Oh. Well that explained it. Of course she was. "And please don't mention this to Gaila. I think she might kill me if she knew." She said to Scotty, looking rather sad as she cut the dress to her knees. It was a shame – it was a nice dress. But he could assure her that seeing her legs would only improve it. Not that she would ever ask. And not that he would ever tell her that given their current relationship.

It would seem her purse also carried another pair of shoes, and she put them on, took the flower out of her hair, and hid every under a bush. "Right, that's better. Shall we go?" She said briskly. He exchanged a glance with Sulu, who looked equally amused. Christine Chapel. There really was no woman like her.

Scotty grinned happily. "Absolutely. Let's. Go where?"

"We're going to rescue the rest of the crew." Sulu told him.

"Oh I see. So we know where they're being held?"

"Not for sure, but it seems pretty likely they've taken them to the empty prison a few blocks from here."

"And we're going to break in?"

"That's the plan."

"That sounds awfully dangerous." The engineer grinned cheerily. "Nothing like a bit of excitement to get you going."

"You're already gone." He muttered under his breath. The man was at least slightly insane.

They moved slowly – far too slowly for his liking, but he let Sulu take the lead on this. He was no soldier and he didn't fancy being shot by one of the men in the masks. He was still trying to fathom where he'd seen them before – and why the hell they would be here, on a planet full of scientists. The bad feeling at the back of his mind was growing, but the picture wasn't yet clear, and right now he had more important things to focus on. Like finding Jim. And stopping Chapel getting killed.

The stopped around the corner of the prison and glanced around to it. "It's an awfully large building for such a small population." Chapel murmured to him. He wondered that she'd noticed that.

He nodded slowly. "There are an awful lot of scientists in prisons that the Federation still needs to work." Strange how many scientists found the borders between right and wrong easily blurred. Some of them didn't believe in it at all. Then there were the ones like Korby, who were far in the other direction – who would do anything it took to make things 'right'. Hell, he was glad he was only a mediocre scientist, if that's what the others were like.

"It's surrounded by a security field." Sulu told them. "And there are guards everywhere."

"Well, for a place full of scientists, you'd have thought they'd invest in something a bit better." Scotty smiled. "I'd break out of here in about ten minutes." He had the feeling that if Scotty was in there, he'd be so distracted he wouldn't want to break out. The same would probably apply to most of the inmates.

"So you can bring down the field?" He checked.

"Aye. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Well that leaves the guards. You wouldn't happen to have a phaser in that bag, would you Chapel?"

She frowned at him. Clearly she missed his sarcasm. She usually said she didn't like weapons. Ironic from the woman who usually kept a knife and a hypospray in her bag. "No. But I do have several rounds of sedatives."

He could see Sulu was planning something. "Sounds like we have a simple case of distract and deflect. We need a distraction at the door, then a deflection further away that will cause the guards to move. Then we and take out any guards left at the door and we're through. Scotty, do you think you could cause some sort of explosion after you take down the forcefield?"

"How big?"

"Not too big. We don't want them to think they're under attack after they check it out."

"I'm sure I could tamper with the shield technology a bit. It'll make a bang, but it'll look like a malfunction up close."

"That sounds good. Christine – can you make a distraction at the door?"

What? Absolutely not. They were not using her as bait. But her serene smile said that she'd already decided. "Yes."

"The hell you can." McCoy scowled at her. Why the hell was she always trying to get herself killed? Was she not scared of _anything_? "There's no way she's getting involved in this."

"She's done it in the past." Sulu pointed out. "It was how we escaped on Polaris."

"I don't give a damn what she's done in the past. This is different." This time there were scientists asking about Korby and hundreds of men in masks.

He saw Chapel fold her arms. She was willing to fight. Well let her. He was not going to let her get herself killed. "Doctor, remind me which of us broke into a prison recently."

Damn it. He should have known she would bring that up. Just because she had broken into a prison and single-handedly rescued him did not mean she could do this. But the set look on her face said that she was going to do it whether he liked it or not. "Damn it Chapel." He hated that she could win against him in one sentence.

Sulu smiled at her. "All right then – let's do this. Have you got what you need Commander?"

"Aye, I'll manage."

"Good."

"Can I just say that this is a damned stupid idea?" Why was he the only one with any common sense here? "Am I the only one worrying about how we're going to get out? Or are we just forgetting about that part?"

"We might have to play it by ear." Sulu told him.

"By ear. Fantastic." He wondered why he was surprised. Jim was his best friend. They played everything by ear. "Well let's get this farce going. Off you go Scotty."

"Wait." Chapel pulled a torch from her bag. "Here. So we know when you're ready."

"Blimey. Got any candlesticks in there?" Scotty stared at her bag – which was remarkably small for what she had in there. She must be amazing at packing. He gave them a salute. "See you in a jiffy."

He disappeared around the corner and right on cue, it began to rain. Typical. Chapel was studying the guards with a focused look. He wondered what she was planning. He wondered whether he wanted to know. Hell, if she got herself shot he was going to kill her.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Sulu whispered to her.

She nodded, and he watched her pull out her knife, and began to load sedatives into her hypospray. This was a bad, bad idea. She looked calm – she must have some plan – but he noticed that her eyes shifted back to her knife occasionally, a sign of unusual nerves. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to do this but he knew she wouldn't listen, and he couldn't think of an alternative.

"Alright. There's the signal." Sulu whispered to her. "Look surprised when the explosion goes off. I don't want them to suspect you."

"Ok." She handed him her bag and gave him a reassuring smile. "Keep it safe."

He touched her hand as he took the bag and she dropped her eyes. Oh hell. What was she hiding from him? Was she scared? "Keep yourself safe, Chapel." He warned her. When they got out of this he was going to have to decide what he was going to do to fix things between them.

"We'll be right behind you." Sulu added.

She took a breath to steady herself, then walked out into clear view, staggering slightly.

"Watch this." Sulu whispered to him. "She's amazing."

There was a shout that suggested that she'd been spotted, then the sound of running feet. "What have you done with them? Where are they?" She shouted at them.

One of the guards was aiming a phaser at her, and he stopped breathing. For a moment he didn't think he could watch. Then she moved so quickly that he almost missed it as she knocked the phaser from his hand and put her knife to his throat.

"What the…" He started. Of course he knew that she could fight – Jim had told him that she had advanced combat training, and he knew she practised with Sulu a couple of evenings a week – but it was one thing to know it, and another entirely to see it before his eyes. She was scary. And very, very interesting. More guards were running forwards but she kept the knife to the first guard's neck.

"Where are they? Tell me, or I will kill him." Her impression of hysteria would have been convincing, had he not known that Christine Chapel was never hysterical. One of the men was replying to her in a low voice he couldn't hear, and she too dropped her voice out of hearing.

"Damn it, what's going on?" He muttered. Then the explosion came and in a second the other guard had knocked her to her knees and aimed a phaser at her head. He almost ran in then – only Sulu's hold on his arm stopped him.

"Easy, Doctor. That was deliberate. She needs them to think she's no longer a threat."

He was beginning to think he was having palpitations. Obviously she was no longer a threat when they were holding a phaser to her head. Her voice was trembling when she spoke – loud again, and he wasn't sure whether she was pretending or not.

"What was that? What are you doing? Are you killing more people? Is that what that was? Answer me!"

The leader of the unit turned away from her, and rapidly four of the guards were dispatched away to see the cause of the explosion. Chapel was curling up on the floor and wrapping her arms around herself. Clearly this was some sort of sign because Sulu whispered "Get ready."

As the three remaining guards approached her she sprang up and floored one of the guards immediately, then grappled with another. They ran towards her – Sulu immediately aiming himself at the large leader, and he running to Chapel, who had seemed to be pinned down by the man she was fighting. A hand grabbed his leg and pulled his legs from under him so that he never made it to her. Damn it – clearly she hadn't managed to knock the first guard out. The man launched himself at him and he rolled out of the way, then sprang to his feet and kicked him hard in the chest. He didn't have time to be graceful – Chapel's face was turning blue – so he punched the guard in the neck several times, then the kidneys so he dropped to his knees, and finally kicked him in the chest again. He didn't wait to watch the man collapse – he was already grabbing the fallen hypospray from the floor, heaving the guard off Chapel and sedating him. He sedated him several more times just to be sure, but mostly because he was very, very angry and it was that or breaking his neck.

He helped Chapel up. She was breathing in small gasps and looked pale. "You alright?"

She nodded slowly and met his eyes. Thank goodness. Did she have no idea what she did to him? "That was completely idiotic, Chapel. What the hell were you thinking?" He found he couldn't let go of her hand. It was shaking slightly. But then, maybe that was just him.

"I was hoping you had my back." She sounded calm. Good grief, that was a big risk to take – putting so much trust in him. But it also made him feel better. She trusted him.

"Well next time you hope that, make sure that you sedate a guard properly."

She glanced at the man he'd just fought. "He came round? I gave him a full dose."

"Must have been a damned resistant species. It was a ridiculous risk you took." She really was almost as bad as Jim.

"Actually, it was pretty brilliant." Sulu joined them, sounding breathless but smiling. "My favourite ninja nurse."

She gave him a pointed smile – of course, he was the unsupportive one for saying that she was acting insane. "Thank you. Now you'd best put on their jackets and helmets. We won't have much time."

Sulu nodded. "I'll admit it took me a bit to see what you were aiming for. When the guards come back they'll expect you to have been taken inside by the others. It's a nice cover. Nice and quiet." It hadn't felt quiet inside his head. Hell, he wasn't cut out for all this. He belonged in the sickbay.

"Let's hope so." She was already removing a helmet and passing it to him. Clearly they were a good team. That annoyed him. "Where's Scotty?"

"Right here." The man appeared behind them. "But apparently I've missed all the fun and games. We need to be quick. They're on their way back."

"Damn." They didn't have time for this. He dropped to a body and removed the helmet. Hell, he didn't want to put that thing on.

He felt Chapel pause next to him. "They're all different species. Why would they be working together? They're from different sides of the galaxy. I don't understand."

"Hell, worry about that later Chapel." He told her. He had a few ideas, and didn't want to talk about any of them right now.

He watched her push the hypospray back up her sleeve as he shrugged on the jacket. Good grief. Hadn't almost being strangled to death intimidated her at all? "Never can keep out of things." He muttered to himself, then went to help drag the bodies around the block.

"Remember, I'm your prisoner." Chapel murmured to them, and he and Scotty took her arms. He felt her tense under his hand and eased his hold. Had she been hurt? She never said, but then she never did. He'd have to examine her when he next could. Which might not be for a while. Or ever.

Scotty hacked into a console while they kept watch.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Oh hell. That didn't take long. He could feel Chapel tense under him. Well he knew how to talk to guards.

"We've been told to put the woman with the others." He said bluntly and without fear.

"So why are there three of you?" The guard still sounded suspicious. He suddenly realised just how clever Chapel had been with her ploy to get them in. He just hoped she could keep it up.

"She pulled a knife on one of the guards. You're welcome to take her from here on your own if you want."

The guard glanced at Chapel, then recoiled slightly. Clearly she was looking scary. He was going to remember how good an actress she was. He wondered why he should be surprised – after all she managed to keep smiling sweetly at him when he was shouting at her.

"Take her through." Thank goodness. Now just to get through those doors. "We heard an explosion. What was it?" The guard called. Damn it.

"Some malfunction. They're looking at it now." He didn't turn back, and Scotty deadlocked the door as soon as they were through.

"This place is lovely, it is. Not like any prison I've ever seen." Scotty commented enthusiastically. Good grief. Time and place…

"Jim always lands on his feet." He muttered. He couldn't imagine Jim ending up in a prison like he'd been in. "Hurry up, Scotty. It's only going to be a matter of time before they find those bodies."

They walked down the corridor and through another set of doors. "Does anyone else feel like this is too easy?" Chapel asked quietly.

Almost on cue the sound of shouts echoed towards them. Damn it. "You just had to say something, didn't you Chapel?" He scowled at her and she had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Come on." Sulu shouted, and they ran down the rest of the passage, coming out into a hall with a series of doors coming off. He helped Sulu pick off the guards – he had the feeling that they weren't trained. They had no aim whatsoever. Which could mean several things.

"Which one?" Scotty shouted. There were doors leading off the hall they were in.

"Captain Kirk? Commander Spock? Can you hear me?" Sulu shouted, removing his mask.

There were shouts and banging on several of the doors, and Sulu and Scotty ran to open them, but he kept back with Chapel. They didn't know for sure what was on the other side of those doors. People tumbled out of the cells – not guards at least, but there were no sign of the Enterprise crew. Damn it.

"Where now?" Chapel asked, seemingly distracted by the hoards of people, and some of the head injuries. Hell, he really needed to have a look at some of them.

"There's more downstairs." Scott told her.

The sound of shots echoed down the corridor, blocking people in the hall. This wasn't good. He pulled off his helmet. There was no need for that anymore – a silver lining to the storm cloud that was about to come down on them.

"Doctor, you and Christine go and find the captain. Sulu and I can hold things here." Scott shouted at him.

They were running out of time. Already people were being pushed back into the cells. But they only had two phasers if he left. He wasn't sure how they'd manage. "You're sure?"

"Aye. Get a move on." Sulu had already started to produce covering fire as he grabbed Chapel's hand and dragged her through another door and into the turbolift. They'd find Jim and get the hell out of here. Somehow.

He checked his phaser – there was no doubt that they'd also have guards down here. He felt Chapel's eyes on him and noticed her hypospray was in her hands.

"Don't do anything stupid." He warned her as the lift came to a stop. She grinned at him, and he wasn't sure whether shake or kiss her. He chose neither, and shot two guards as the doors opened, then moved out, and bent down behind the terminal to take down another. He watched Chapel take down one at the periphery from behind – she really was terrifying, then crawled around and took out the last one who was aiming nicely at Chapel's head.

When the smoke cleared he stood up. "Jim? Spock? Are you here?" He called.

"Doctor McCoy. We are in here." Spock's calm voice called to them.

Chapel made it to the door before him and pulled up the computer system to override the lock.

"Hell, no time for that Chapel." He took her shoulders and moved her aside, then shot the lock and forced the doors open.

"Jim?" He was lying on the floor, head in Uhura's lap, eyes closed. Oh hell.

Spock was on his feet near the door. "He was hit at close range, doctor. He has yet to come around."

Chapel was hugging Uhura tightly, then scanned the captain as he checked his papillary reflexes. All normal – and there was no sign of injury… Chapel handed him the scanner and he checked the readout. It was as he suspected.

"Jim. Open your damn eyes. NOW Jim."

He groaned dramatically, but his eyes flickered open. "Hell, you could raise the dead Bones." He muttered thickly. He still sounded detached. That shot must have hit him hard.

"At this rate I'm damn well going to have to." One of these days Jim was going to get himself really hurt. He glanced at Chapel, who looked at him with those calm blue eyes. "He's concussed. Nothing serious."

She nodded, then glanced around. "Are you all ok?"

"We are fit enough that we might leave. It was only our concern for the health of the captain that prevented us from breaking out." Spock answered.

He rolled his eyes. Of course it was. "Do we have to take him with us?" He murmured to Chapel, as Uhura frowned at him. However, Chapel was still all professionalism.

"We're underground – Sulu and Scotty are trying to hold upstairs." She told them. "We haven't managed to make contact with the Enterprise. Commander Scott says that incoming signals are being blocked by the ship itself."

"Interesting. Did Commander Scott-."

"Hell – Spock can I recommend that we get out of here first and worry about that later." Before they poured in down here and picked them off like sitting ducks. He pulled Jim over his shoulder. The captain was muttering soundlessly to himself.

"Doctor, it is illogical to attempt to leave if we are unable to return to our ship." Oh good grief. Really? At least free they'd have more options. Like somewhere to hide.

"You think it's logical to stay here?"

"I am merely pointing out that-."

"SPOCK." He didn't need anything pointed out right now.

"Very well, doctor." He helped Uhura to her feet in a way that was almost gentlemanly, and he threw him his phaser. He was going to be useless with Jim over his shoulder anyhow. Chapel disappeared out of the room, and he assumed that she was going to free the others in the cells. He half-dragged Jim to the turbolift as people began to move out of the cells.

"Chapel, get in here." He shouted to her as Spock and Uhura joined him. There was no time for her to small talk with the other prisoners. She obediently got in quickly and the doors slid shut as they moved upwards. Damn it, this was all Jim's fault. Just once he wanted to go on a simple away mission where he wasn't shot at. Just once. He wasn't asking for much.

The doors opened and there was no doubt that the siege was still underway up here. It appeared the guards had acquired a phaser cannon and were cutting through the door as Scotty tried to deflect it.

"There's nowhere to go." Sulu told Spock. "The other corridor's a dead end." People were beginning to scream, and some of the shots were reaching targets.

"What's going on?" Jim muttered to him, as his head kept dropping on his chest.

"You really don't want to know." He assured him.

Spock was listening to the communicator in the corner as Scotty had done. All he could hear was static. Then all at once: "Commander Spock this is the Enterprise. Do you read?" They were saved. He grinned in relief and glanced about for Chapel. Who wasn't there. What the hell? Where had she gone? He felt the panic surge.

"Sulu – take the captain." He thrust Jim at him and circled the cells. She wasn't in any of them, and she certainly hadn't got back into the turbolift. That left the corridor. He ran down it, feeling more concerned as the lights flickered. Why would she have walked off? Chapel would never do something so stupid. Oh hell. Why was he expecting to see her dead at the end of the corridor?

Then he saw she was standing, back to him. "Chapel?" He followed her gaze. It was him. The man she had described with the golden eyes. And they were looking at her with a predatory gaze that scared him. He touched her back and felt her tension, then moved her behind him, trying to block her from his gaze. What did he want with her? "Who the hell are you?"

The being didn't even acknowledge that he had spoken with a movement. His eyes hadn't shifted from Christine. He never blinked. He was very tempted to hit him just to make him look away. Then, in a sudden movement, he pointed at her and smiled in a way that chilled him. "I will return for you Christine Chapel." What the hell…? He was beamed up before he could move and he felt frustration flare through his veins. He glanced at Chapel, but she was standing still as if fixed to the spot, an expression on her face that disturbed him. He'd only seen her like that once before.

"Christine, what is going on?" He asked her softly.

She met his eyes, and he'd never seen her look more scared or vulnerable. "I don't know. I really don't know."

Oh hell. He reached down and pulled her close. She was trembling and smelt of pear drops. How was he supposed to protect her when he didn't know what he was protecting her from? He needed to get her out of here.

"Come on. The communicator's working again." He released her and took her hand. It was strange how natural that was becoming now.

"Christine? What happened?" Uhura was running to them, looking concerned as they approached. He noticed Jim and Sulu had gone, and others were being organised into beaming groups by Spock.

"Nothing." Christine smiled, and he knew what it must have cost her.

"Are there casualties?" He asked, noting the blood on the floor.

"They went aboard first. You should go up next." Good – the sickbay would fall apart with this number of people without them. And Christine needed to be somewhere safe.

"Fine. Come on Chapel."

After a few minutes she had returned to her normal self, and organised the sickbay with her usual calm manner as it heaved with casualties. She worked beside him – where she belonged, and he realised that the night had destroyed every wall he had attempted to construct between them. He wasn't sure he was sorry. He'd missed her. Hell, he wanted to be there for her more than any person he'd ever met – and she was in something deep. But if he was there for her he wasn't sure that he was going to be able to keep up the restraint. So he had to make a choice. Hell, but he couldn't do it when she was still wearing that dress and distracting him. So he distanced himself as they worked, and attempted to stop responding to her smiles. After four hours things were quiet enough that he could hide in his office and shower and think. He could still hear her working outside. So what was he going to do? He remembered the feeling of her in his arms. How could that be wrong? She needed him. And he needed her too. So he was going to have to tell her how he felt. There was nothing for it. If she didn't feel the same way… well then things would be better. And if she did… He didn't dare get his hopes up about that. She hid her emotions all too well. He poured himself a drink. He was going to need one if he was going to do this.

There was a knock at his door and she walked in without warning. That should have been his first warning that something was wrong.

"Doctor, I need to say something." Her voice was brisk and sure as she shut the door. He looked up, feeling suitably unprepared, and opened his mouth but she held up her hand. "Please, just let me just say this." Oh hell. He stood up without really knowing why. She was still in that dress. He felt a strong impulse just to kiss her and remove any misunderstanding about his feelings.

"We kissed." He froze. That was not what he had been expected. She was going to talk about it? He slowly sat down, feeling extremely out of his depth. This was a side of Chapel he was completely unfamiliar with. "We kissed." She repeated. "And I know that you regret it. I understand why. But you were ill and I was… well I was slightly insane. It was a mistake, and I'm asking you to forget about it. Because our sickbay is suffering…" She took a deep breath and he attempted to hold on to his reeling world. Oh hell. There was more… "And so am I. I miss your friendship. So please, doctor. I'm asking you to pretend it never happened."

For a second he didn't know what to do. He wanted to reach out to her and kiss her and tell her he hadn't regretted anything – not for a second. But he couldn't – because she thought it had been a mistake. She thought she'd been insane. Well at least he hadn't embarrassed himself by telling her how he felt. And this way they could be friends. This way he'd know that every smile she gave him, every touch, meant nothing to her. Maybe he should be thanking her for clearing things up between them. Things would be a whole lot easier for him this way. Most probably.

He swallowed, drank his scotch in one and then forced himself to nod. He could do this.

"Goodnight." She murmured, and closed the door quietly behind her. He watched her leave. Then he rested his head on his hands and tried to hold the pieces of his heart together.


	31. Chapter 14 Part I Joanna Christine

14. Joanna – Christine

Part I

_This chapter is in three parts like the previous as I'm trying to avoid writing huge long chapters so that I can update more regularly. Now I know what you've all been thinking. Things have been a little quiet in the sickbay recently. Well, that's about to all change... Thanks for reading._

Christine was having a long day. Three days after the events of the Daystrom Institute, she had entered the sickbay to find herself a nurse short for inexplicable reasons, an outbreak of Tarquelian flu spreading amongst communications, multiple casualties with plasma burns from some new project Scott was working on, and Doctor McCoy having locked himself in his office in a foul mood. Now, with an hour to go before the end of her shift, after running about like a mad person for the last eleven hours, she found Doctor Zuvolt and Nurse Fford at her desk and felt a flash of foreboding.

"Is everything alright?" She put her PADDs on her desk, and marked several items from her to-do list.

Zuvolt and Fford looked at each other. "I think – that is we're not sure – but I think that there might be something wrong with Nurse Kier." Fford began. Well, she'd had the mystery of why Nurse Kier hadn't turned up on her to do list. She supposed it made sense to deal with it now. She gave them both a steady look. Zuvolt, she noticed looked extremely worried.

"I see. In what way?" She questioned mildly. In truth she had been a little frustrated that Kier hadn't given her a reason for her absence – but now she considered the nurse's character she realised that it wasn't like her at all.

"Well she hasn't answered her door. She was on her rostered day off yesterday, and we were supposed to be seeing each other, but I rang and rang and she wouldn't answer. So I called Nurse Ffoyd-."

"And she just told me to go away. I tried again this morning and same thing."

She frowned. "Any reasons you can think of why she'd lock herself away?" She directed that mainly at Zuvolt, and he blushed.

"No – that is I thought we were alright." He stammered. "We didn't have a fight or anything. We never fight."

She smiled at that. No, she supposed that they wouldn't. It wasn't in either of their personalities. "Any personal problems? Family? Friends?"

They both shook their heads. "Nurse Chapel, Helen's usually happy. I think it must be something serious for her to lock herself away."

She was of a mind to agree with them. This really wasn't like her. "I'll ask Doctor McCoy if he'll go and see her." She assured them, and Zuvolt looked relieved. She patted his shoulder. "We'll get to the bottom of it, don't worry."

"You'll let me know?"

"I'll let you know." She affirmed with a smile.

And that was how she ended up, against her better judgement, knocking on McCoy's door when he was in a bad mood. Usually she left him be when he was like this unless there was an emergency. After a few hours he'd snap out of it, come out and everything would be normal. It was how she had avoided regularly arguing with him. But now she was worried.

"Come."

He looked up at her with a frown. His eyes were blood-shot – she wondered if he was just hungover – his uniform crumpled, his face pale.

"What do you want Chapel?"

Clearly his mood hadn't improved. She wondered if he'd tell her what had upset him after he was out of it.

"Nurse Kier didn't show up for work today."

His frown deepened. "If you're here because you want me to discipline your staff Chapel, I think-."

"I'm not." She interrupted softly. "But Doctor Zuvolt just came to me. Apparently she's locked herself in her room for the last two days. It's not like her. They're worried that there's something really wrong."

"And?"

She attempted to push down her frustration. "And I think that you might want to see her doctor. After all, she's acting very out of character."

"If she didn't see Zuvolt, why the hell do you think that she'd see me?"

"Because she's in a relationship with Zuvolt, and you're her CMO."

He scowled at her, his voice beginning to rise. "Damn it, Chapel. They've probably just had a fight. I have a job to do – I'm not a damned agony aunt, and I don't make house calls. If she's sick, you just bring her here. Otherwise, just let her get whatever it is out of her system."

She frowned at him. "Doctor, I don't think that you're-."

"If it's so important to you, Chapel, go and see her yourself." He interrupted with a growl. "But don't keep trying to waste my time."

She gave him a searching look. She wondered what had put him in such a bad mood. He was already looking back at his PADD and she felt like sighing. Sometimes he'd try the patience of a saint. "Very well." She turned and walked out. She was going to have to see her. She couldn't wait until the doctor was in a better mood. She left Temple in charge, picked up her medical kit and made her way to the nurse's quarters.

She bleeped twice with no response. "Nurse Kier. It's Nurse Chapel. I've come to see if you're okay. Please open the door for me." There was no response but she could hear movement inside. She put on a firm voice. "Nurse Kier, unless you open the door in the next ten seconds I'm going to use the emergency medical override."

That did it. "Nurse Chapel?" She heard a voice on the other side of the door. "Is anyone with you?"

"No, it's just me."

The door slid opened and she took in the dishevelled nurse with one quick look. She was pale, dark eyed from lack of sleep, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked like she'd been recently crying, and she felt her heart ache.

"I'm sorry I didn't show up today." The nurse stammered apologetically. From what she could see, Christine guessed that working was the last thing on this woman's mind.

She stepped in and instinctively put an arm around her. "It's alright, Nurse Kier. I was just worried about you." That simple phrase seemed to be enough. The nurse burst into tears again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for people to worry. I just don't know what to do."

Christine sat her down, found her a tissue, and took her hand. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong, and we'll see if we can solve it."

"Even you can't solve this." Kier sobbed. "It's just a mess."

"What is?" She asked softly.

Kier looked at her. "You won't tell anyone?"

"If I have to, I'll tell Doctor McCoy. But no one other than that." She answered honestly.

The woman nodded slowly, thinking it over for a few seconds, then looked at her hands. "I'm pregnant."

Christine wasn't entirely surprised. Clearly she had been doing this job long enough to recognise the signs. "I see. When did you find out?"

"I had all the signs weeks ago – the morning nausea, and feeling faint and everything. I tried to convince myself I was working too hard and I was just stressed. But then you'd left a scanner out the other night, and I thought... Well I don't know... But there were two heartbeats." Her voice was breaking again, and she wiped her face with shaking hands.

"Okay, well first things first. Let me scan you and confirm it." She pulled out her own scanner and looked at the readout carefully. "You're right. You are pregnant. Four months." She smiled at her. "The baby appears nice and healthy, but we should let Doctor McCoy have a look just to be sure."

Kier was shaking her head. "I can't. That is... I'm not sure whether I'll keep it."

Now that surprised her. She'd never thought that Kier would be someone to even consider such an action. "Well, it's your decision of course, Helen. But does the father know?"

She shook her head, a defensive look in her eye. "It _is_ Doctor Zuvolt's, Nurse Chapel. I'm not one of those girls who would..." She started to cry again.

"I never thought that you were." She assured her, and squeezed her hand. "But maybe you should talk to him. He's very worried about you, you know?"

"I know. But how can I? He'll want me to keep it, and if I do, Doctor McCoy will send me away. I have nothing on Earth. My mother died last year, and my brother's serving on the _Australia_. This is all I have and I love being on the _Enterprise_. Please, Nurse Chapel. Please don't let Doctor McCoy send me away. I couldn't bear to be away from Derek. I can't bring a baby up alone."

She felt torn. She understood what it was to have nothing on Earth to return to. She knew why she was desperate to stay. She would be the same. "Helen, if you decide to keep the baby, the Enterprise is not a safe place for you to be."

"Nowhere is safe. At least on the Enterprise it'd have two parents who loved it. That's more important that any risk. Please, Nurse Chapel... I want to keep the baby. I already feel this bond – and I can't lose it. But my mother was a single-parent – and I won't do that to my child."

"You need to talk to about this with Doctor Zuvolt." She advised her again. "He needs to have a say in this, don't you think?" She nodded slowly. "And the decision over whether you can stay isn't mine to make, Helen. Only Doctor McCoy can decide."

"But he listens to you. You could talk to him. Will you?"

How could she say no when she looked so broken? "I'll try. But Earth's not so bad. Starfleet would reassign you to a land-job and would support you. There are provisions, you know."

"But not for here. And this is the only place I want to be."

She sighed. "Alright. Well, promise me that you'll talk to Doctor Zuvolt and not do anything hasty."

"I promise."

"Good. And Nurse Kier, I understand how you're feeling, but remember that this really is wonderful news. I think you'll be an excellent mother."

The nurse spontaneously hugged her. "Thank you. I just wasn't planning for it now. We were very careful..."

Christine smiled cautiously. "Well, sometimes even the best precautions fail." Very rarely these days.

The woman smiled watererly. "And sometimes they're forgotten about..."

Well that explained things. "Listen, I have some things to do, and I need to speak to Doctor McCoy. Take tomorrow off to think about things, and you know where to find me if there's any problems."

"Yes Nurse Chapel."

She stood up. "Try and get some sleep too. Worrying isn't going to make things better. And make sure you're eating properly. There's two of you now."

"Yes Nurse Chapel."

She smiled at her. She hoped she'd covered everything. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The door slid shut behind her and she allowed herself to exhale slowly. She felt emotionally drained. Poor Kier. She was going to have a difficult road ahead of her. If McCoy allowed her to stay being the only mother on the Enterprise wasn't going to be easy. But she had made a good point. Who were they to separate families, and decide what was best for a child? Surely it was the parents decision? She made her way back to the sickbay. Perhaps she had best leave the conversation she'd need to have with McCoy until tomorrow, when he was hopefully out of this mood.

"Nurse Chapel?" Zuvolt was waiting for her when she returned. No surprises there.

"I just saw her, Doctor. You should go to her. She should see you now."

"What's wrong?" He looked confused.

She shook her head. "You'll need to ask her yourself."

He gave her a searching look, then nodded and excused himself. She wondered how he would react to the surprise he was going to get. She felt she knew him well enough to be sure it would only be supportive. He clearly cared about her. He'd care about their child. She hoped.

She supervised the handover to nightshift, handed out assignments, then knocked at McCoy's door ready for their evening work. One look told her that he was still in the bad mood. It was definitely best to leave the news until tomorrow. She made him a cup of tea and placed it on the desk next to him. Since she'd said her piece a few days ago things really had gone back to normal between them. She had been worried at first but he certainly acted like it had never happened now. It was a relief to be able to speak to him normally again – and to have him do the same. Unfortunately, it also meant that she had to deal with his moods. She assured herself that at least he wasn't still taking them out on the other nurses.

She watched him across the desk. He was reading a new Starfleet report, scowling deeply. He really did look pale. Her fingers itched to reach over to him and feel his temperature. Had he been infected with the flu?

"Are you feeling well doctor?" She asked him mildly.

He looked up at her. "I'm fine. But I'm damn well overworked and your interruptions aren't helping."

"Well how about you share the work so that I _can_ help?"

"Haven't you got physicals to be writing? Aren't they due next week?"

"I finished them this morning. So?"

He passed her a datapad. "The FMC have passed new guidelines on the treatment on Vulcans and Romulans. I've only glanced over it, but it appears to be exactly the same as the one they brought out three years ago."

"The changes are usually very minor." She pointed out. The team working on the project seemed to justify their expenses by bringing out such guidelines every few years without many changes.

He scowled. "Damned waste of time. Why the hell don't they just send us a list of the changes, or wait until they have something to write about? We don't have the time to be playing spot the difference with the old and new guidelines."

She smiled. "But where would the fun be in that?"

"Well you can have that fun. Just write me a list of anything new."

"Alright." She pulled up the old guidelines ready for comparison. "How long until we reach Andoria?" In the senior staff meeting a few days ago they had been told that they were to pick up Admiral Pike and several other senior staff for a briefing on the events at the Daystrom Institute. She could tell that Jim was itching to know exactly what was going on. Starfleet had been typically silent about the whole proceedings, despite members of numerous Federation planets being abducted technically an act of war. She found that she didn't share his need to know. The events of that day had left her chilled and she was doing everything she could to put them, and the memory of the golden eyed man from her mind. Unfortunately, at night especially, it was proving impossible. She attempted not to think too deeply about it.

"We should reach it tomorrow evening."

"And then where?"

"We're taking Admiral Pike back to Earth."

She smiled. "It will be nice to see Earth again."

McCoy glanced at her, and nodded. "It'll only be fleeting. Damned Starfleet aren't even granting us shoreleave when we're on Earth."

"So they already have a mission planned for us?" She guessed.

"When don't they?" He scowled. "Now if you're finished questioning me about the itinerary?"

She sighed. There was no talking to him when he was in this mood. She wondered what he was worrying about – and when he was going to tell her about it. She turned to her datapads and began the arduous task of comparing the massive documents. She heard him drink his tea.

"Did you see Kier?" He asked after a few minutes.

"Yes." She tried to keep her face impassive. She really didn't want to talk about this now. But she should have known that, no matter what he said, he cared about his nurses. The only problem was he was unpredictable like this.

"And?"

"And what?" She returned evasively.

He frowned at her. "What do you think? Are you going to make me pull the damned answers from you Chapel?"

"It depends on what answers you require."

"I want to know what the hell was wrong with her."

"She found out something rather shocking." She attempted to evade it again. She'd tell him everything tomorrow of course. Just not now.

"About what?"

She gave him a look. "As I understand it, Doctor, unless Nurse Kier has a medical problem, you weren't bothered about what was wrong." It was low – but she couldn't entirely say that he didn't deserve it.

He looked guilty for a moment, and that made her feel bad. Then his frown returned. "Damn it Chapel. She's one of my staff. I have every right to know what you do."

"Technically you don't – since I was told in confidence."

He paused and gave her a penetrating look. "Why the hell are you trying to keep this from me, Chapel?" She knew immediately that the game was up. Sometimes she hated the fact he was able to read her this well.

"I'm not. I just thought it'd be better waiting until tomorrow. I want you to be calm when you hear it." She admitted truthfully.

"I am calm." He almost shouted.

He was getting angrier, not calmer. This wasn't going well. "Actually you're not – you've been in a bad mood all day. As you well know. This isn't a conversation to have when you're like this."

"And who the hell do you think you are to be making that decision? Damn it, you're my head nurse. I'm ordering you to tell me what the hell is going on."

So he wanted to pull rank on her? Well fine. "Nurse Kier is pregnant."

He stared at her for a moment. Then his frown deepened. "Pregnant? Zuvolt's the father?"

"Yes."

"Damned imbeciles. What were they thinking? Getting her pregnant on this damn ship?"

"I don't think it was planned, doctor."

"Well obviously. Good grief. How could they be so stupid? If they're going to fool around they should at least have enough sense to be taking precautions. Now I've lost another damn nurse."

"About that..." She began.

"We'll have to discharge her on Earth. At least we're on our way there now. She won't have some hellish journey to get there."

"Doctor..."

"Does Zuvolt know? No, of course he doesn't. The man hasn't been smiling enough to know that she's pregnant. Damned idiot will be bouncing off the walls."

"Doctor – I don't think she wants to leave the Enterprise." She finally said quickly.

"What the hell do you mean she doesn't want to leave? Of course she has to leave. The sooner the better."

"She has nothing on Earth. She doesn't want to leave the ship. She won't be separated from Doctor Zuvolt."

"That's all very romantic, but damned idiotic. I hope you told her that."

"I pointed out the risks of remaining on the ship. However, she says that she'll consider having an abortion if you make her leave."

He paused. Then he looked her in the eyes. "Well that's her choice. It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to have a crewmember of this ship pregnant."

"You're actually going to make her choose between being a mother and her career?"

"She can still have a damn career. Just not on this ship."

"Why not?" She was beginning to grow frustrated at his decisive attitude.

"Have you lost your mind? Have you seen how many red alerts this ship has? It's no place for a child."

"I grew up on a starship, doctor." She pointed out. She wasn't sure why she was fighting so strongly for this.

"And look what happened to you. You're father was killed, your mother had a breakdown, and you were left with the scars."

That hurt – him saying it like that. "My father didn't want us separated. He said it was worth the risk so that we were a family. If he hadn't done it I would never have known him, and he would have died a stranger to me." A small voice told her that she should stop arguing.

"No man who loves his family allows that to be put in danger like that. It was damned selfish."

"Who are you to say what it was?" It had been a joint decision between both her parents.

"I have every right to say. You don't have children – maybe if you did you'd understand what you'd do to protect them."

"We were protected. We were on an escape pod my father had arranged."

"You should have never been in that circumstance in the first place. There's no point having children if you're not going to take responsibility for their safety."

She tried to push away the hurt and calm herself. "There are some things more important than constant safety – like feeling loved."

"It's statements like that that get people killed. If you actually think that Chapel, I'd advise you not to have a children of your own. You'll be a damned danger to them."

For a second she sat stunned. Then she thought she would burst into tears. Thankfully, through some inner strength, she kept hold of herself. She put the PADDs down on his desk, then turned and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her. It wasn't until she got back to her quarters that she finally allowed the tears to come. She wished she was angry, but in fact only felt hurt. Because he thought she would be an unfit mother. No, not just unfit – dangerous. Of course it would be unlikely she'd ever be in a position where she'd have children of her own, so it didn't matter what he thought. She wasn't getting any younger, and there was no one in her life. And the only man she'd want to father her children thought she'd be an unfit mother. She wrapped her arms around her knees, assured herself that she was acting in a ridiculous and over-reactive manner, and cried all the harder.

An hour later she was back at her desk sending out reminders for her next round of physicals. Her tears had been short-lasting and she had pulled herself together quickly. She wasn't one for crying – especially over something that she assured herself was silly. However, she was beginning to feel bad. She had left McCoy – had walked out on him – with a pile of work. It was completely unprofessional and she had thought herself better than that. She had over-reacted – something she tried to never do. It wasn't the first time – nor the last, she was sure – when he'd say something hurtful to her, and she had never reacted like this before. But he'd touched a nerve and said something that she'd been worrying about for years – that she'd be a bad mother. After all what did she know about children? Her entire experience was entirely with the captain. He was probably right. And he was only speaking his mind. She'd always promised herself that she wouldn't hold that against him.

She put her PADD down and stared out of her window at the streaks of light at warp. She should have asked him what the matter was. She should have found out why he was upset. Now he'd be on his own and all the angrier. He'd be impossible tomorrow if she didn't deal with it tonight. She was supposed to be his friend.

With a sigh she got to her feet, smoothed her uniform and hair and steadied herself. There was no point playing the victim. That would solve nothing. She'd best go and find him.

She opened her door, then almost jumped in surprise when she found he was already outside, looking wary and uncomfortable and most definitely not angry. That threw her somewhat.

"Doctor?"

She noticed he was carrying a bottle of whiskey. She looked from it to his face. He looked so unsure of himself she wasn't sure if she wanted to reach out for him or laugh.

"Chapel." Clearly he was waiting on her to say something. It occurred to her suddenly that he might have come here to apologise. If she hadn't already forgiven him, that single act would have made her. Leonard McCoy never apologised – much to the frustration of everyone that knew him.

"Come in." She moved out of the way and allowed him into her quarters. He sat down on her sofa and she ordered them both orange juice. She felt his eyes on her as she moved, neatening the PADDs on her desk, then handing him the glass. She sat down on the other side of the sofa, curling her legs under her and met his eyes.

"Chapel..." He still looked awkward. "I came... that is I wanted to..." He trailed off and she took pity on him. She didn't need an apology. Not really. She knew he wasn't a man of words. It was enough that he was here.

"It's alright doctor. You don't need to say anything." She searched his face. "But maybe you should tell me what upset you?"

He looked at the glass at his hands. "Nothing. That is, nothing to do with what we were talking about." She smiled at him calmly, eyes on his face, and waited for him to continue. "My ex-wife contacted me this morning. She wants me to take Joanna back to Earth on the Enterprise."

She suddenly understood. He was wrong – this had everything to do with what they had argued about. "And you're worried about bringing her onto the ship?"

"This isn't the place for a child, Chapel. It's three days from Andoria back to Earth. Think of all the trouble that Jim could get us into in three days."

"What did the captain say?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing yet. He'd say he'd keep us out of trouble – but we both know he's incapable of doing that."

She felt like she was missing something. He wasn't quite being honest with her – she could feel it. "Don't you want to see her, Doctor?" Most fathers she knew in Starfleet would be desperate to have such an opportunity.

He frowned. "Of course I do. But I'm not having her on this ship."

She gave him a long look. There was certainly something else. "Would you like to know what I think?" He nodded. "I don't think you're really worried about the supposed danger Joanna would be in on this ship, doctor. We haven't had a red alert in more than a month and we've transported children before without any problem – as you well know. I'm not asking you to tell me what the real reason is, but you do need to be honest with yourself."

He scowled at her for a moment. Then he lent back and sighed. "It's complicated, Chapel."

"These things usually are."

He wiped his face with a hand. Then he looked at her with a resolved look. "You know, Caroline and I were really too young to have children. She was devastated when she found out she was pregnant, but I thought... well I thought that we'd be able to do it. I convinced her to keep her – and for the first year things were fine. But then I was working all hours and I didn't see how she struggled at home alone with a young child. I should have been there for her. Small wonder she found someone else really - someone who took better care of her needs. I should have seen it coming. And what did I do? Instead of being a damned father to my child, I ran away with my tail between my legs and joined Starfleet. So that I spend even less time with her. So that someone else can take my damned place." He took a deep shaking breath. "So tell me, Chapel, how my eight year old daughter is ever going to forgive me for abandoning her? Hell, I haven't seen her for more than a year. She probably doesn't even remember what I look like."

She was stunned for a moment. She didn't think he'd ever been this honest with her. Then all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and hold him because she understood. She really understood. "Leonard, do you want to be in her life?"

"Of course I do."

"Then you need to take these opportunities." He opened his mouth to protest but she held up a hand. "I understand why you're worried. You think she'll hate you. But she's eight years old, and children are forgiving. I know you walked away from her, but don't stay away because you're too scared to walk back into her life. I grew up without a father. Trust me, no child wants to. She's still young. You've got time to be a father to her. You owe it to her – and to yourself."

He stared at her for a moment. Then he shook his head. "I don't know the first thing about being a father, Chapel. What the hell am I going to do with an eight year-old child? I'm the damn CMO – it's not like I can take time off."

She smiled at him. "Actually, I think you're in a rather advantageous situation as the CMO. After all – you have an entire staff of nurses who would like nothing more than to entertain a child, and your best-friend is the captain. I don't think she's going to get bored."

He chuckled, and met her eyes. "I suppose you're right, Chapel."

"I am. You don't have to do this alone, doctor."

His face sobered and he searched her face. "You'll be there?"

"If you want me to be." She said slowly. She still remembered his view on her and children.

"I do." He took a sip of his orange juice and made a face. It made her smile. She couldn't deny that she loved him.

"Doctor, are you still going to send Nurse Kier away?" She asked in the silence.

He nodded, still looking at his juice. "I don't have a choice, Chapel. I still mean it when I say this isn't a place for a child. I'm responsible for the welfare of everyone on this ship. I'll be the villain if something happens. I won't have that on my head."

"But you'll split up a family instead."

His eyes were sad. "Better that than a life." He looked at her for a moment, then placed his glass on her table. "I should go."

"Ok."

He made it to the door. "Thank you. For the juice."

She smiled at him – understanding what he couldn't say. "Any time."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight doctor." She watched him leave and wished, once again, that he loved her.


	32. Chapter 14 Part I Joanna McCoy

14. Joanna – McCoy

Part I

_Poor McCoy. It's about time we dealt with some of his issues. Thanks for reading._

The bleep woke him from his slumber on his desk and he rubbed his neck and for a second couldn't work out what was going on. He'd been exhausted and in a furious mood after receiving a message from Doctor Umbra demanding to know why he hadn't submitted a comment on the new protocols he was supposed to review – as if he had time to do that. He must have fallen asleep again. He saw that his computer was flashing and pressed the button.

"Doctor McCoy – we have a subspace communication for you."

"Put it through." If it was Doctor Umbra again he was fairly sure he wouldn't be able to keep his temper. He could do a better job running the Federation Medical Council than those morons. He was extremely surprised when he saw that face that filled the screen.

"Caroline."

"Hello Leonard." Her hazel eyes met his. This wasn't a social call. Caroline never made social calls.

"Is everything all right? Is Joanna...?"

"She's fine – but that's what I wanted to talk to you about." He steeled himself for another argument. It usually went along the lines of him needing to spend time with her – him protesting that he wouldn't have leave for another few months – and then her hanging up on him. He didn't blame her particularly. He was a lousy father. "We're holidaying on Andoria at the moment."

He frowned. "Andoria? Why the hell would you go there?" Strange – he had always thought Caroline was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. Now he was looking at her he realised that wasn't true anymore. He really had moved on.

"Henry designed the interior for the new Embassy and we're at the opening. You know how Joanna loves snow."

"I see." Wasn't that lovely for Henry. Clearly the man was going places. He should probably be impressed or something. He wasn't.

"Anyway, Henry and I have decided to go on to Polaris from here, but I promised your mother that she could have Joanna for a few weeks of the summer, and one of the officers at the opening mentioned that the Enterprise was coming to Andoria on route to Earth."

Oh hell. Not now. Not with everything that was going on. "So?"

She frowned at him. Usually she would be shouting at him by now. He wondered whether Henry was in the background helping give her patience for her unreasonable ex-husband. "So I was thinking that maybe you could take Joanna with you."

"I can't, Caroline. We're in the middle of something, and this ship isn't safe for her."

Caroline scowled at him. "Save it, Leonard. I won't have you using that excuse. What could possibly happen? You're going directly there are you not?" He could think of several things that could happen – and none of them ended well.

"You don't understand, Caroline-."

"No you don't understand. She's your daughter too – and you haven't seen her for fourteen months." Did she think he didn't know how long it had been? "I'm sure that you have a new and exciting life now, but I won't let you forget about her."

A new and exciting life? That was one way of putting it. "I haven't forgotten about her. I write to her every week."

"You think that's enough? She needs a father, not a pen-pal. Thank goodness she has Henry in her life – he's a better father than you ever were." That stung. Trust her to remind him of his failures again.

"What the hell do you want me to say, Caroline? I work on a damn starship. We're not a damn transport."

"I want you to ask the captain to take her."

"I'm not going to endanger her because you and Henry want to have some alone time."

"For crying out loud, Leonard, I knew it would be pointless speaking to you – you're so damn selfish. You could at least try and act like her father. Thank goodness Joanna isn't here to hear this."

"It's not because I don't want to see her-."

"Well that's what it sounds like. You're full of it, do you know that? You promised her when you joined Starfleet that you'd always be there for her."

"Don't you dare talk to me about breaking promises, Caroline." He growled. She was pushing his hold on his temper.

The woman blushed but didn't shy away. "The past is the past – and frankly I don't regret a thing. I'm happy now – we all are. I just thought that since you were her father you'd want to do this. She's growing up, and sooner or later these opportunities aren't going to be there." She had a point. Damn it.

"Why the hell do you always give me opportunities at times when you know I can't take them?"

"Because the universe doesn't revolve around you." No, it revolved around her and Henry apparently. "If you love her, you'll ask the captain. Otherwise, don't expect to see her next shoreleave."

"You wouldn't dare keep her from me." Oh hell – he hoped she wouldn't.

"Yes I would – because I won't have you walking in and out of her life and hurting her. Either you're there for her, or you're not."

"Damn it Caroline."

"Contact me later with your decision. Goodbye." She vanished from the screen and he smacked his desk hard. Damn her. Why the hell did she have to be so difficult? What an ultimatum to give him. He didn't doubt she'd stop him seeing her if she wanted to. She could be downright malicious sometimes. Like when she'd refused him joint custody – just because she'd known it would be the one thing that would hurt him the most. Damn it – but how could he bring Joanna on board? What if something happened? How could he live with himself?

There was a knock at his door. Hell, this better be good. "Come." Chapel looked him up and down. Clearly she was unimpressed. Well he'd just add her to the list. "What do you want Chapel?"

"Nurse Kier didn't show up for work today."

Damn it – she was coming to him with this? She was their damn superior officer. Did he have to do everything? "If you're here because you want me to discipline your staff Chapel, I think-."

"I'm not." She interrupted softly. "But Doctor Zuvolt just came to me. Apparently she's locked herself in her room for the last two days. It's not like her. They're worried that there's something really wrong."

"And?" Young women locked themselves in their rooms all the time.

"And I think that you might want to see her doctor. After all, she's acting very out of character."

"If she didn't see Zuvolt, why the hell do you think that she'd see me?" He was the psychiatrist, not him.

"Because she's in a relationship with Zuvolt, and you're her CMO." Chapel pointed out. Hell, he didn't have time for this.

"Damn it, Chapel. They've probably just had a fight. I have a job to do – I'm not a damned agony aunt, and I don't make house calls. If she's sick, you just bring her here. Otherwise, just let her get whatever it is out of her system." He had more important things to be doing – like trying to work out how he could prevent his ex-wife from taking his visitation rights.

She frowned at him. Clearly she disagreed with his decision. "Doctor, I don't think that you're-."

"If it's so important to you, Chapel, go and see her yourself." He interrupted. Broken-hearted women were right up her street. "But don't keep trying to waste my time."

She was searching his face with those probing blue eyes. Well he didn't want to talk about it. He looked back down at the PADD in his hand and heard her sigh. "Very well." She turned and walked out.

When she returned a couple of hours later nothing had changed other than his headache, which was getting worse. He sure as hell didn't know what he was going to do about Joanna, his workload was increasing by the second, and a small voice told him that she probably should have gone and seen Kier himself. He attempted to concentrate on the 'new' protocol issued by the FMC, whilst Chapel quietly made him a cup of tea and placed it on the table next to him. Hell, she was the only stable thing in his life right now. He felt her eyes on him as she sat in her chair across the table. Well he still didn't want to talk about it. Not this.

"Are you feeling well doctor?" She asked him mildly, forcing him to look up. Those eyes could make a stone talk.

"I'm fine. But I'm damn well overworked and your interruptions aren't helping."

"Well how about you share the work so that I _can_ help?"

"Haven't you got physicals to be writing? Aren't they due next week?"

"I finished them this morning." Of course she had. There was no last minute rush for Christine Chapel."So?"

Well she'd offered. He passed her his datapad. "The FMC have passed new guidelines on the treatment on Vulcans and Romulans. I've only glanced over it, but it appears to be exactly the same as the one they brought out three years ago."

"The changes are usually very minor." She commented calmly.

"Damned waste of time. Why the hell don't they just send us a list of the changes, or wait until they have something to write about? We don't have the time to be playing spot the difference with the old and new guidelines."

She smiled softly. "But where would the fun be in that?"

"Well you can have that fun. Just write me a list of anything new."

"Alright." She was already glancing through the PADD and he thought that would be that. Then: "How long until we reach Andoria?"

Damn it. He didn't want to talk about that. How the hell had she known? "We should reach it tomorrow evening."

"And then where?"

"We're taking Admiral Pike back to Earth."

She smiled. "It will be nice to see Earth again."

He glanced at her. Was there double meaning in her statement? But there couldn't be. She couldn't know. "It'll only be fleeting. Damned Starfleet aren't even granting us shoreleave when we're on Earth." So either he took this time with Joanna, or he didn't get any. Damn it.

"So they already have a mission planned for us?" Quick as always.

"When don't they?" He scowled. "Now if you're finished questioning me about the itinerary?"

She sighed and turned to her task, sipping her tea thoughtfully. He drank his own and found the fluid helped ease his headache. So did her calming presence.

"Did you see Kier?" He finally asked. He was feeling increasingly guilty about that.

"Yes." Her face was blank. Which meant...?

"And?"

"And what?" Good grief. Was she trying to punish him for not seeing her himself?

"What do you think? Are you going to make me pull the damned answers from you Chapel?"

"It depends on what answers you require."

"I want to know what the hell was wrong with her." Obviously. What the hell did she think he wanted to know?

"She found out something rather shocking."

"About what?" He asked through gritted teeth as his temper flared. If she kept this up he was going to get angry.

She gave him a steady look. "As I understand it, Doctor, unless Nurse Kier has a medical problem, you weren't bothered about what was wrong."

She had to throw that in there. "Damn it Chapel. She's one of my staff. I have every right to know what you do."

"Technically you don't – since I was told in confidence."

Technically? Since when did Chapel play the 'technically'. She wasn't Spock. Which meant she was being evasive. "Why the hell are you trying to keep this from me, Chapel?"

"I'm not. I just thought it'd be better waiting until tomorrow. I want you to be calm when you hear it." Now she was conspiring against him too. He felt the fury rise.

"I am calm."

"Actually you're not – you've been in a bad mood all day. As you well know. This isn't a conversation to have when you're like this."

"And who the hell do you think you are to be making that decision? Damn it, you're my head nurse. I'm ordering you to tell me what the hell is going on."

Her eyes took on an icy glare. She didn't like it when he pulled rank. Well he didn't like it when she kept things from him. "Nurse Kier is pregnant."

He stared at her. Oh hell. Not now. He couldn't deal with this now. "Pregnant? Zuvolt's the father?"

"Yes." She was watching him carefully.

"Damned imbeciles. What were they thinking? Getting her pregnant on this damn ship?"

"I don't think it was planned, doctor." She pointed out calmly.

"Well obviously. Good grief. How could they be so stupid? If they're going to fool around they should at least have enough sense to be taking precautions. Now I've lost another damn nurse."

"About that..."

He ignored her. "We'll have to discharge her on Earth. At least we're on our way there now. She won't have some hellish journey to get there." He wasn't keeping her on this ship a second longer than he had to. Damn it – he should have found at sooner.

"Doctor..."

"Does Zuvolt know? No, of course he doesn't. The man hasn't been smiling enough to know that she's pregnant. Damned idiot will be bouncing off the walls." He had been, and Zuvolt was a better person than him.

"Doctor – I don't think she wants to leave the Enterprise." Chapel said quickly in a single breath.

He stared at her. "What the hell do you mean she doesn't want to leave? Of course she has to leave. The sooner the better." Before the next disaster this ship faced.

"She has nothing on Earth. She doesn't want to leave the ship. She won't be separated from Doctor Zuvolt."

"That's all very romantic, but damned idiotic. I hope you told her that." Hell, please don't say she was supporting her in this madness.

"I pointed out the risks of remaining on the ship. However, she says that she'll consider having an abortion if you make her leave."

Oh hell. But he'd stopped someone making that decision before – and he couldn't let that affect his medical judgement. He looked her in the eyes. "Well that's her choice. It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to have a crewmember of this ship pregnant."

"You're actually going to make her choose between being a mother and her career?" She made it sound worse than it was.

"She can still have a damn career. Just not on this ship."

"Why not?" There was icy fire in her eyes. Why the hell was she fighting him on this?

"Have you lost your mind? Have you seen how many red alerts this ship has? It's no place for a child."

"I grew up on a starship, doctor."

"And look what happened to you. You're father was killed, your mother had a breakdown, and you were left with the scars." He couldn't miss the hurt in her eyes. A voice told him that he should probably stop before he said something really bad. However, the fire in his veins was fuelling him.

"My father didn't want us separated. He said it was worth the risk so that we were a family. If he hadn't done it I would never have known him, and he would have died a stranger to me." Like he would to Joanna.

"No man who loves his family allows that to be put in danger like that. It was damned selfish."

"Who are you to say what it was?" Her voice was calm but her eyes were positively arctic.

"I have every right to say. You don't have children – maybe if you did you'd understand what you'd do to protect them."

The hurt was in her eyes again. Why the hell was he arguing with her? "We were protected. We were on an escape pod my father had arranged."

"You should have never been in that circumstance in the first place. There's no point having children if you're not going to take responsibility for their safety."

"There are some things more important than constant safety – like feeling loved." A small voice told him that maybe she wasn't wrong. Damn it. He stamped on it hard.

"It's statements like that that get people killed. If you actually think that Chapel, I'd advise you not to have a children of your own. You'll be a damned danger to them."

She froze and he knew immediately he'd gone too far. For a moment that made him all the angrier, purely at himself. But she was standing up, putting the PADD on his desk. It wasn't until he saw the tears in her eyes that his anger dissolved into panic as she left, closing the door quietly in her wake. Oh hell. He'd finally done it. He'd made Christine Chapel cry.

"Kirk to McCoy." The comm roused him from his reverie some minutes later. He'd gone from panic to anger, but had settled on despair. Oh hell. He'd destroyed the one decent relationship he had in his life. She'd never forgive him for what he'd said. How could she? What sort of man said what he had? Especially to a woman like Chapel. Especially when he loved her. Especially when he'd promised he wouldn't hurt her. Oh hell he was the scum of the earth.

"McCoy here." He answered, moving to the wall. His voice sounded hollow in his ears.

"Bones, can you come to my office? I need your advice."

"On my way."

His walk was preoccupied. Hell, in less than twenty-four hours he'd managed to lose his daughter and the woman he loved, and both entirely through his own efforts. Maybe that's what he deserved. Maybe he was meant to be alone.

"Come." Jim was sitting at his desk, feet on the table. "Ah – there you are. I wanted to-." He glanced at his face. "What's wrong?"

"It doesn't matter." He took the chair opposite the captain. "What do you want?"

"Well, actually I wanted to ask your advice on that Ventu girl we met at the Daystrom – see she's been messaging me. Apparently she has a thing for captain's – and I fit the bill nicely, especially after I was so heroic during all that drama."

"I'm hardly the person to ask about women, Jim."

"Well I know that, but I wanted a sounding board. Do you think I should play the sure-of-himself romantic captain, or the misunderstood but charming captain? It's hard to know. I've never been with a Ventu before."

Good grief. "I'm sure it doesn't matter, Jim. You tend to always get what you want irrelevant."

The captain folded his arms with a frown. "Why the blues, Bones? Shouldn't you be telling me to get a life and find something serious?"

He shrugged. "What's the point? Your way or my way, we're both going to end up alone and bitter in our eighties."

Jim chuckled. "Your eighties. My seventies." He glanced at his face. "All right - what happened? Is Christine on another date?"

He might as well tell him. Jim couldn't make him feel any worse than he already did. "I think I made Chapel cry."

"What? Did you try and kiss her again?"

"Go to hell." He scowled. "I'm serious."

Jim frowned. "You really made her cry? What did you say to her?"

He shook his head. "You don't want to know." If he told him, Jim would probably punch him. It was undoubtedly deserved, but it wouldn't solve anything.

Jim stared at him. "I might be being a bit slow, Bones, but why exactly are you here? Shouldn't you be there, begging her forgiveness?"

"Because I don't know what the hell I'm going to say to make this better, Jim." He wasn't good at apologies at the best of times – and what the hell did you say to this?

"Well, if I was in your position, I'd go to her room and kiss her until she forgot why she was upset. However, in your case you seem to have a particular aversion to kissing Christine – so that idea's out."

"Thanks for your input."

"However, if our situations were reversed I'm sure you'd tell me that honesty is the groundwork of any relationship, and that I should just tell her the truth. So maybe you should." He was right. He probably would say that. Hell, he was some sort of hypocrite.

"All right." He could do this. He'd just tell her about Joanna. He felt his chest contract. How the hell was he going to tell her about that? She'd never look at him again. But then right now he didn't have all that much to lose.

Jim was going through one of his drawers. "Here, take this." He handed him a bottle of whiskey.

"Chapel doesn't drink, Jim. I don't think that's going to help."

Jim laughed. "It's not for her, Bones. It's for you. Dutch courage."

He rolled his eyes but took the proffered bottle and glanced at his friend. "Thanks Jim."

"Don't mention it. Just going sort out this mess before we lose another head nurse." He nodded and left.

His walk to Chapel's quarters was not an easy one. Three days ago he'd promised that things would go back to normal between them – but although he said the words and played the part, he couldn't in his heart. Not really. He was too far gone for that. He knew that the frustration of wanting her and knowing that she didn't want him was compounding this. But that was no excuse. Hell, he was never going to be the man she deserved.

He stood outside her door and tried to pull himself together. What the hell was he going to say? It took an awful lot to make Chapel cry – he knew, he'd tested the boundaries, and where most of the other nurses would have cried, she just gave him that icy look and made him feel like an idiot. To think he'd caused it now was unbearable, especially with some stupid comment about motherhood. Ironic really, since he could think of no woman who would make a better mother than her. Maybe he should say that? But no – it would sound hollow. He wanted her to believe he meant it. He attempted to reach the buzzer several times, but could never quite do it. Oh hell. He wasn't prepared for this.

By the grace of some higher being, the problem was solved for him and the door slid open.

"Doctor?" There she was, looking slightly confused, no hint that he'd upset her an hour ago. That threw him somewhat. He'd been expecting anger at the very least. But she was good at hiding things.

"Chapel." He didn't dare say anything else. If she turned around and shut the door in his face, he wouldn't blame her. Or slapped him – that would be understandable too. He wished she'd just do something. Anything – rather than just staring at his face with those eyes he loved.

"Come in." She moved aside and allowed him in. His heart beat hard as he entered. She always did try and avoid causing a scene. He sat down awkwardly and watched as she ordered orange juice from the replicator, and tidied the PADDs on her desk. She was making him nervous. Every other woman he knew would be forcing him to beg for forgiveness by now. Finally she sat down a little away from him and tucked her legs under herself. Just what he shouldn't be focusing on right now. Her legs.

"Chapel... I came... that is I wanted to..." He didn't know how to say it. How could two words be enough? How could two words be so difficult to get out?

She was searching his face. "It's alright doctor. You don't need to say anything." There was a softness and sincerity in her eyes – and right then he really realised the sort of woman he'd fallen in love with. The sort of woman that forgave him automatically and made him orange juice. She was a better woman by far than he deserved, but right then he wanted nothing more than to reach over and kiss her. However, he wasn't about to make two large mistakes in a single day. "But maybe you should tell me what upset you?"

Oh hell. And now for that. "Nothing. That is, nothing to do with what we were talking about." She smiled at him gently, and he knew that wouldn't be enough. Best tell her then – he owed her that. "My ex-wife contacted me this morning. She wants me to take Joanna back to Earth on the Enterprise."

"And you're worried about bringing her onto the ship?" She asked calmly.

"This isn't the place for a child, Chapel. It's three days from Andoria back to Earth. Think of all the trouble that Jim could get us into in three days."

"What did the captain say?"

He shook his head. "Nothing yet. He'd say he'd keep us out of trouble – but we both know he's incapable of doing that." He supposed that wasn't quite fair – given many of the circumstances they found themselves in, he'd kept them out of trouble relatively well. In the sense that the Enterprise was still in one piece at any rate.

Her eyes were on his face, as if something he was saying was confusing her. "Don't you want to see her, Doctor?"

He frowned. She thought that he didn't? "Of course I do. But I'm not having her on this ship."

She was studying him carefully, her eyes boring into his soul again, and he wondered what she was seeing. "Would you like to know what I think?" He nodded. It was usually worth hearing. "I don't think you're really worried about the supposed danger Joanna would be in on this ship, doctor. We haven't had a red alert in more than a month and we've transported children before without any problem – as you well know. I'm not asking you to tell me what the real reason is, but you do need to be honest with yourself."

He scowled at her. He was being honest. He wanted to protect his daughter, and this ship wasn't the place to do it. But a small voice at the back of his mind told him that there was more to it than that. The reason why he was scared of seeing her when he was on Earth. The reason why he wrote to her rather than speaking to her. Hell, but if he told her this, she'd hate him the same way that he hated himself.

He lent back and sighed. "It's complicated, Chapel."

"These things usually are."

He knew she'd wait. He also knew that she'd accept it if he didn't tell her. But a small part of him wanted her to know the truth. Someone at least needed to know the sort of man he really was. He looked at her and met her serenity. It gave him the strength he needed. "You know, Caroline and I were really too young to have children. She was devastated when she found out she was pregnant, but I thought... well I thought that we'd be able to do it. I convinced her to keep her – and for the first year things were fine. But then I was working all hours and I didn't see how she struggled at home alone with a young child. I should have been there for her. Small wonder she found someone else really - someone who took better care of her needs. I should have seen it coming. And what did I do? Instead of being a damned father to my child, I ran away with my tail between my legs and joined Starfleet. So that I spend even less time with her. So that someone else can take my damned place." He took a deep shaking breath and attempted to calm the emotion that was flooding to the surface. "So tell me, Chapel, how my eight year old daughter is ever going to forgive me for abandoning her? Hell, I haven't seen her for more than a year. She probably doesn't even remember what I look like."

Instead of looking at him in disgust, as he had expected, there was such an understanding look in her eyes that he wanted to wrap his arms around her and feel her steady him. "Leonard, do you want to be in her life?"

"Of course I do." She was his daughter. He still remembered holding her in his arms for the first time and looking into those perfect eyes and swearing that he'd always protect her.

"Then you need to take these opportunities." Oh hell. But he couldn't. Hadn't he just explained... She held up a hand to him and continued. "I understand why you're worried. You think she'll hate you. But she's eight years old, and children are forgiving. I know you walked away from her, but don't stay away because you're too scared to walk back into her life. I grew up without a father. Trust me, no child wants to. She's still young. You've got time to be a father to her. You owe it to her – and to yourself."

He looked at her for a moment. It occurred to him that she'd called him Leonard. He liked that. And right now he wanted nothing more than for her to be right. He wanted Joanna for forgive him. He wanted to be her father. He wanted to forgive himself. But how the hell was he going to do this? He shook his head. "I don't know the first thing about being a father, Chapel. What the hell am I going to do with an eight year-old child? I'm the damn CMO – it's not like I can take time off."

She smiled at him as if he was being ridiculous. "Actually, I think you're in a rather advantageous situation as the CMO. After all – you have an entire staff of nurses who would like nothing more than to entertain a child, and your best-friend is the captain. I don't think she's going to get bored."

He laughed despite himself. That was true – you couldn't get bored when Jim was about. And he did have an entire staff of baby-starved young women who wouldn't mind having a child about for a few days. He met her eyes. "I suppose you're right, Chapel."

"I am. You don't have to do this alone, doctor."

Hell, but he couldn't do this alone. He needed her if he wasn't going to screw this up. "You'll be there?"

She looked hesitant, and for a second he saw the hurt behind her eyes. "If you want me to be." She said slowly. He promised himself he'd do whatever it took to make this up to her.

"I do." There was no one else he wanted but her. The expression in her eyes warmed him, and he drank the juice to stop himself reaching out to her. He shuddered. It really was awful stuff.

"Doctor, are you still going to send Nurse Kier away?" She asked quietly in the silence.

Oh hell. That problem. He nodded and found he couldn't look at her. "I don't have a choice, Chapel. I still mean it when I say this isn't a place for a child. I'm responsible for the welfare of everyone on this ship. I'll be the villain if something happens. I won't have that on my head."

"But you'll split up a family instead." He understood why she was sensitive about that – a woman who'd grown up without a father. He didn't want to do it either. He didn't want to put a child in the same position he'd put Joanna in. But some things were more important.

"Better that than a life." There was such sadness in her eyes that he ached. He needed to leave before he did something stupid. "I should go." He needed to speak to Jim. They were going to have to organise this carefully.

"Ok."

He stood up and walked to the door. But he couldn't go without saying anything. "Thank you. For the juice." For being there. For forgiving him like no other woman in the universe would have.

She smiled at him sincerely. "Any time."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight doctor."

He felt her eyes on his back as he walked down the corridor and wished, once again, that she loved him.


	33. Chaper 14 Part II Joanna Christine

14. Joanna – Christine

Part II

_I apologise for this update coming so late. As some of you know, I'm a medical student, and I've been on call for the last few days, so have struggled to find time to write. I know what most of you are thinking- right now I want to scream at them too. Good grief, for two intelligent people they're so infuriating. Fear not – they shall have their resolution shortly (and it shall be enjoyable), but there's something that needs to happen first, and a whole lot of pieces that need to come together. You shall see...Enter the wonderful, headstrong Joanna McCoy. Thanks for reading._

The entire senior staff stood together on the landing pad as the shuttle docked. Christine could hear the mention of Admiral Pike's name being muttered between some of her colleagues, and speculation as to who else was on-board, but she wasn't interested in that really. She was more interested in the man standing beside her, looking pale and nervous, and vaguely muttering under his breath. Leonard McCoy was not dealing with the wait well. For the last twenty minutes he'd been worrying that the ship had come down somewhere, despite her constant reassurance that it was quite normal for the shuttle to be delayed, and now he was terrified that the pilot was going to crash the ship on the pad. She wondered if he ever trusted anything he couldn't control. When the ship finally powered down she heard him exhale slowly and laughed softly.

"Are you feeling better now?"

He scowled at her. "Don't pander to me, Chapel. Do you know how many shuttle accidents I've seen in the last ten years?"

"Actually seen, or just heard about?"

His scowl deepened, but he had no time to retort as passengers started to disembark the ship and Jim stepped forwards.

"Admiral Chapman, Admiral Brooks, welcome to the Enterprise."

"Captain Kirk."

Another form stepped off the ship, and she was momentarily stunned. Plat, the Illyrian she had met at the Daystrom Institute, was looking around idly. Sulu met her confused glance with one of his own. Why would he be here? Hadn't he told her that he had left Starfleet? Jim was looking perplexed too, but the admirals offered no explanation as the Illyrian joined them. Finally she heard the sound of a girl's voice, and it was followed by the small girl herself accompanying Admiral Pike off the ship. Pike looked rather amused at something she was saying and glanced along the line of crew waiting to meet him.

"Now, which one of these people do you belong to?" He asked her.

The little girl frowned slightly, looking nervous, but McCoy stepped forward. "She's mine, Admiral."

Uhura caught her eye and mouthed '_What?'_ Clearly the news that the doctor had a child came as a shock to most of the other senior personnel too. She shrugged slightly in response, and the look Uhura gave her warned her that the conversation was not over.

Pike smiled. "Your daughter has been telling me the Starfleet policy on the extradition of non-Federation personnel has several significant flaws. I should have known she was yours, McCoy."

McCoy was looking at the small girl, and she was struck by the clear similarity between them – with the shared semi-tidy brown hair, and beautiful dark eyes.

"Is that so?" She could tell, despite his stern expression, that he was amused. "Hello Joanna."

The girl grinned at him. "Hi Dad." She turned to Pike with a small frown. "Well it does, you know."

Pike laughed. "I'll be sure to pass on your views to Starfleet Command. It was nice to meet you. Now Captain Kirk, how have you been treating my ship?"

Jim grinned and stepped forwards. "Last time I checked, Admiral, she was _my_ ship, but we treat each other nicely. Commander Scott's been putting in some upgrades. I'm sure you'll want to view them when you have the chance."

"I believe I shall. We're going to need access to all your records."

"Of course. Spock, will you see the Admirals to my office and check they have everything they need? I'll join you shortly."

Spock materialised at his side. "Of course Captain. If you would follow me." He led the party out calmly, and the crew took an obvious sigh of relief. However, most eyes, including her own, were still focused on McCoy and his daughter.

Jim grinned at her. "Now we've got rid of that lot, I should welcome you properly, Joanna, to the Enterprise. I've been looking forward to getting to know you for some time." He gave McCoy an amused look, and Joanna frowned at him.

"The last time I met you, you didn't look much like a captain." McCoy raised his eyebrows at his friend, looking amused at her bluntness.

To her surprise, Jim blushed. She wondered what exactly he'd been doing the last time they'd met. "Well, I wasn't a captain then. Do I look like one now?"

The girl gave him a critical look, then smiled. "I think so."

"I'm extremely glad to hear it." He winked at her and McCoy rolled his eyes. Then he turned to the rest of his staff. "Right, our meeting is at 0900 tomorrow morning. I expect everyone to be there. Dismissed."

The group dispersed out of line. "Captain – do you have a moment?" Uhura took Jim aside as she approached McCoy and Joanna. She found that she was nervous. Why should she be nervous? This was hardly the first time she'd worked with children. A small voice reminded her that it was the first time she'd ever met a child that she was desperate to impress.

"Hello." The girl immediately said to her as she came to the doctor's side.

"Hi." She replied with a smile.

"Joanna, this is Nurse Chapel, my head nurse."

"You can call me Christine." She said immediately. She was only called Nurse Chapel by her patients (and McCoy, but that was different), and Joanna was certainly not that.

The girl glanced at her father for a second, then smiled beautifully. "It's nice to meet you."

"And you."

"Bones, can you come here?" Jim shouted.

The doctor muttered something under his breath, and glanced at her. "Chapel, why don't you show Joanna the sickbay? I'll be in as soon as I can." They both knew it must be important, if Jim was calling him over now.

She nodded and smiled at the small girl, who was looking nervous again. She felt a wave of sympathy for her. She hadn't even had five minutes with her father yet. "Of course. There's lots of people in the sickbay who are looking forward to meeting you Joanna."

The girl didn't look convinced. "Really?"

"Of course. But I warn you, we might have to put you to work. It's pretty busy in there at the moment."

The girl brightened. As she had suspected, she was definitely like her father. "I don't mind. Will you teach me how to do bandages?"

"Why do you want to learn how to bandage?" McCoy looked bemused.

"I just do." The girl gave him a rebellious look, and she almost smiled.

"Well, we'll see about that." She replied diplomatically.

"I'll be back soon. Be good." McCoy warned her, then strode over to the captain, scowl already in place.

"Why does Captain Kirk want him?" Joanna asked as she watched them for a second.

She shook her head. "I'm not sure, but your father often has to help the captain."

"Really?" She seemed surprised. Clearly she knew nothing about her father's work then.

"Yes. Your father is one of his most important advisors. He spends lots of time on the bridge."

"But I thought he was a doctor?"

She laughed. "He does both. He's a very clever man." She steered her out of the pad and towards the sickbay.

Joanna was looking thoughtful, all of her nervousness lost. "Why does Captain Kirk call him Bones?"

"I have no idea. Maybe you should ask your father."

"I did once when I was little, but he didn't give me a proper answer. He just said he doesn't like it. Why would he let the captain call him it, if he doesn't like it?"

"They're friends. And I have a feeling he doesn't mind it really." He just liked complaining about it.

"Oh." She looked around her. "Are we at warp yet?"

"Not yet. You'll be able to feel the engine under your feet when we are."

"I've never been on a ship this big before. Mum says I'll get sick."

"Well don't worry, we can give you a shot if you do. Lots of people who live on this ship get sick for the first few weeks."

"Did you?"

"No, but I grew up on a starship so I'm used to it."

The girl gave her an impressed look. "Really?"

"Yes, until I was seven. Then I moved back onto Earth. My father was the CMO too."

The girl looked amazed. Clearly she hadn't expected to have something in common with someone so old. "What does he do now?"

"He died."

"Oh. Sorry."

"That's ok – you weren't to know. He was a very good doctor."

"As good as my dad?"

She smiled. "As good as your dad, and your dad is the best doctor I know."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Here we are." She led her into the sickbay and Joanna stood behind her shyly as all eyes turned to them.

Unlike the senior staff, she'd given the medical team warning that McCoy's daughter would be joining them for a few days, and therefore all eyes were friendly and interested. However, it was the usually dormant Doctor Seams that took charge.

"Now you must be the young McCoy. We heard you were coming." He smiled at her and shook her hand.

Joanna glanced at her. "This is Doctor Seams." She introduced him with a smile.

"I'm the old one who the nurses try to hide away, but I've escaped to meet you." The man whispered loudly to her, and Joanna grinned at him.

"Doctor Seams is the oldest doctor in Starfleet. And last count, I believe he has fifty-seven grandchildren."

"Fifty-eight as of yesterday – and twelve great-grandchildren." He corrected her.

"And this is Nurse Temple..." She went on to introduce the rest of the staff, who each greeted the girl with genuine enthusiasm.

"Now, Miss McCoy, have they been teaching you anatomy at that school of yours?" Doctor Seams asked her.

"A little." She replied shyly.

"A little? Well we'll have to remedy that. No daughter of a doctor can know only a little anatomy."

Christine gave her an encouraging nod, and she followed off Seams for a tutorial in Human anatomy.

She only had four patients, all which were easily sorted, but she also had to see seven crewmembers for their physicals. When she was done she came out of her examination room to find Nurse Campbell swathed in bandages and Nurse Ffoyd laughing so hard she was almost crying. Joanna looked rather proud, and she had to bite back a laugh when she tied her final knot and Campbell fell over. However, she examined Joanna's handiwork as carefully as she would have done for her nurses – she had the feeling the girl wouldn't have accepted any less.

"Very nice. But remember not to tie them too tight. Sometimes we have to remove them quickly, and we don't want to cut off any blood supply." She smiled at her.

"All right." The girl said seriously. "Shall I try it again?"

She admired the child's eagerness, but had a feeling that Campbell may well be losing feeling in his legs. "It sounds like a good plan. But let's release Nurse Campbell first, shall we?"

"Please." Campbell said in a strangled voice.

"Maybe you should leave him like that. I think I prefer it." McCoy's voice sounded from the door, and Joanna sprang up. She shook her head at him disapprovingly and began to undo the bandages herself, but couldn't help but smile as the girl embraced him tightly.

"What did the captain want?"

"He needed to tell me something important. What have you been up to?"

Joanna looked suddenly shy. "Well, Doctor Seams has been teaching me the bones of the skull, and then Nurse Ffoyd showed me how to bandage."

"I can see that. What do you think Chapel?"

She smiled. "She'll pass." Joanna gave her a look of unbridled gratitude and Campbell stood up stiffly.

She noticed that most of the staff were watching the doctor and his daughter with unfeigned interest. She didn't blame them – with his usually acerbic manner with patients they would find it hard to imagine him with a child. McCoy scowled at the room and asked loudly: "Is there a particular reason why everyone's stopped working?" The bustle began again and he looked marginally mollified, but there was still a distractedness behind his eyes that she had the feeling had nothing to do with the presence of his daughter. She would have to find out what Jim had told him.

"What are we going to do, dad?" Joanna asked him, looking excited.

He looked down at her, and smiled. "Well, why don't we-."

"Can we get some help?" There was a shout and Gaila and one of other engineers came in carrying Ensign Powell.

"Oh hell." McCoy muttered. "Chapel, will you-."

"I've got it." She replied, and helped them put her on to a bed. "Ogiri, why don't you show Joanna the mess?" The girl shouldn't see something like this.

"But I can help." She protested.

"Not with this, sweetheart." McCoy said to her firmly. "Go with Ogiri – I'll come find you soon." Joanna looked upset, but obediently followed Ogiri out of the sickbay.

"What happened?" She asked Gaila as McCoy scanned the girl.

She shook her head. "Hans found her in the engine room passed out."

"Chapel, get here." She excused herself and pulled the screen around them. McCoy glanced at her. "Cut her clothes. I need to see."

She began to undress the girl. "Oh..." She was a mass of cuts and bruises and she felt her heart ache when she realised that many of them were not new. The girl moaned, and she smoothed her hair. "It's alright Julie."

"It's damn well not alright." McCoy muttered. He looked angry but his hands were gentle as he felt down her limbs and gave her a hypospray. She watched him and waited for his instructions, feeling the weight settle in her stomach. She knew he'd feel responsible for this – he would feel like he could have stopped it somehow. "I'm going to have to operate. She's ruptured her spleen and is bleeding out too heavy for me not to."

"How did it happen?"

He scowled at her. "How do you think? Tell me what you see Chapel."

"Her abdomen... She was punched repeatedly. And I think that that might be a shoe mark."

"Take some pictures." He didn't disagree but met her eyes looking troubled. "Then prep her for surgery."

She had numerous questions, but there was no time to ask them as she called to Hylara to prepare the surgical bay and swiftly photographed the wounds and cleaned the area. McCoy walked in scrubbed up, and she quickly followed suit. He tied the back of her gown, brushing the hair from the nape of the neck, and she couldn't deny how she reacted to it despite the circumstances. She pulled herself together quickly.

"Are you ready?"

He nodded and sedated the girl. "On-screen." She pulled down the scanner over the woman's body, and the woman's internal organs filled the screen in front of them. "Switch to the angriogram." The vasculature became more prominent, and she immediately saw the bleed. "Alright, I'm going to repair the splenic artery and reperfuse the upper right pole. Scalpel."

It only took him thirty minutes as he worked swiftly and laproscopically, putting in a synthetic connection to join the broken vessels, repairing the broken capsule, then checking the spleen was properly perfused. She watched her output carefully but she tolerated the operation well, and she couldn't foresee any lasting scars – at least not of the physical sense.

"Alright. Take her to recovery and make sure they watch her carefully." He said finally, removing his gloves and washing his hands as she finished healing the skin and wiped away the excess blood.

"You think that they'll be complications?"

"Not – the operation was straightforward, but I don't want her going anywhere."

She met his eyes, feeling worried. "Do you think they meant to kill her?"

He shook his head. "No, we both know there are far easier ways to kill a person. I imagine they wanted to scare her a bit."

"I wish we knew why."

"What I want to know is how the hell this can happen. Galloway's meant to be keeping an eye on her. Unless it was-."

She didn't allow him to say it. "It wasn't him. We'll have to go over the security footage."

"I'll have it sent to me. In the meantime don't let her leave this sickbay. And let's get some security on the door for now." He looked down at the girl, and his face softened. "Damned idiot. Why the hell doesn't she tell us what is going on?" She couldn't answer that.

She and Hylara moved the girl to a recovery bay and left him with her. "How is she?" Gaila asked as she came out. She looked worried. She'd forgotten she was there.

"She'll be alright, but we're going to keep an eye on her for a while." She told them

"Any idea who's responsible?" McCoy asked, coming to stand next to her with folded arms, and looking suspiciously at Gaila's colleague.

"None." The man – Hans – answered, or rather stammered under McCoy's glare. "She was in one of the pump rooms. No one goes near there other than me. The only reason I went in was because one of the pumps there keeps spiking a temperature. She was lucky I found her." She wondered why she'd been down there in the first place. Didn't she work in communication?

"I contacted security." Gaila told them. "They're going to see if there's DNA or anything. I'll ask about and see if anyone else has noticed anything, but Galloway's already asked most of the questions before, and none of us really know her. She keeps herself to herself."

McCoy scowled. "Well someone must have seen something."

Christine nodded. "Anything that you can get would help." Gaila had a way of getting information from people -her pheromones loosening tongues in a way most could never do.

Gaila smiled at her. "All right, well I'll try. You'll let us know how she's doing?"

"I'll send Commander Scott an update when we know."

"Thanks."

They left as Ogiri returned alone, and the doctor turned his scowl onto her. "Ogiri – where the hell is my daughter?"

Ogiri looked slightly scared, and turned to her to explain. "I got her some lunch, and then Ensign Chekov offered to give her a tour of the ship."

"You just allowed some damned teenager to take her away?" McCoy looked furious and she put a calming hand on his arm.

"I'm sure it wasn't like that."

Ogiri nodded, looking relived. "He said it was Captain Kirk's suggestion. I thought that it would be all right, since he knows all of you so well, and he promised that he'd bring her back here when they were done."

McCoy was still scowling, and opened his mouth, but she stepped in quickly. "I'm sure that was fine. It was good of you to find something to amuse her while Doctor McCoy was occupied." Ogiri gave her a look of gratitude and all but fled. McCoy looked down at her with a frown and walked into his office. She obediently followed him and took her normal seat.

"Chekov will take care of her. He's the closest to her age of anyone on the ship." She pointed out as she tried to comprehend the expression on his face. "And, let's be honest, she'll know more about Russia than the ship by the time he's done."

McCoy looked up, then chuckled, and she felt the tension ease between them. "This is one hell of a mess. I haven't had the chance to say three words to her since she came aboard, and now Powell's back in..." His face fell, his eyes preoccupied.

"That's not your fault, you know." She said gently. She shared as much as the blame as he did.

"The hell it's not. We should have acted faster – more aggressively after last time. We should have sent her off the ship. I swear when I get my hands on the person responsible..." He left the threat hanging in the air and she wondered what exactly he would do.

"Well we might have to discharge her on psychological grounds irrelevant. There's no way that this isn't taking its toll on her, and if she won't speak..."

He nodded. "I'll give her twenty-four hours, then I'll see about releasing her when we get to Earth. I'm not going to allow this to happen again. In the meantime, I want you to try and open her up."

"I can try." She wasn't hopeful. The girl was too scared to say a word.

They fell into silence, McCoy apparently lost in thought.

"What did the captain want this morning?" She finally asked.

He looked up, and his frown deepened. "Uhura found that someone's been sending transmissions from the ship for the last few months."

"Who to?"

"We have no idea. They've been pretty deeply encrypted apparently. Scott is working on extracting them. All she could tell us was that the most recent one was to the surface of Galor three days before we arrived there."

She felt herself pause, and knew exactly what this meant. "The captain thinks this has something to do with what happened at the institute." It wasn't a question.

"Yes. Apparently there's a spy on board." A spy. Who had sent multiple messages over the last few months. About what?

She felt her mind clutching at something that was just out of reach. "A spy working for who?"

"That's what he is hoping to find out tomorrow morning. I get the feeling Starfleet know a hell of a lot about all of this. I doubt that Daystrom was the beginning."

She remembered those golden eyes that haunted her dreams. It wasn't the beginning? Well when was the beginning? Where had she seen those eyes before? She was sure she would remember them... and yet...

"Are you alright Chapel?"

"Yes." She pulled herself together carefully. "What does Captain Kirk want you to do?"

"Go through our records and see if anyone fits the profile of ship spy." He scowled. "It's a damn stab in the dark. If they've managed to stay undiscovered for so long I doubt we're going to notice anything."

"I'll go through the psychiatric reports later, and see if you picked up anything."

He nodded. "That would be useful. Else we'll have to send Spock to question everyone, and I don't want an inquisition on this ship. People are jumpy enough as it is." She didn't disagree. She was certainly becoming so.

"Is there anything else you'd like me to do?"

"Can you sort some security for Powell?"

"Of course. I'll speak to Galloway." The doctor frowned suddenly, and she wondered what was wrong. However, Joanna's high voice was heard in the sickbay and she didn't have a chance to inquire.

"Hi." She entered without knocking, her bright smile lighting up the room, and, she couldn't fail to notice, her father's temperament. Then he noticed Chekov standing behind her and his face fell.

"Hello." She smiled at them both, and sent McCoy a very pointed look to behave. "How was your tour?"

"It was great!" The girl said sincerely. "The ship is so big and so exciting. Especially engineering-."

McCoy looked sharply at Chekov. "You took her to engineering?"

The boy seemed to wilt under his scowl, and she stepped in quickly. "It was very kind of you to show Joanna around the ship, Ensign."

"No, the pleasure is mine. Your daughter is wery clever, Doctor McCoy."

"Well of course she is." He growled, and Joanna beamed at him.

Chekov looked at the small girl. "It was wery nice to meet you, Joanna McCoy. If you are around in the next few days-."

"She'll be sure to look you up." McCoy finished with a scowl.

Christine suppressed a sigh. "Goodbye Ensign."

"Bye Pavel." Joanna smiled, and he smiled back down at her, then gave the doctor a salute and left the room.

Joanna frowned at her father. "You didn't have to be mean to him, Dad. I liked him."

"I'm sure you did." McCoy grumbled to himself.

She wondered at him sometimes. After all, the girl was only eight now, and he was already like this. What was he going to be like when she was a teenager? "Did you eat, Joanna?" She asked her with a smile in an attempt to change the subject.

The girl was still looking at her father, perplexed. "Yep. Nurse Ogiri got me a sandwich. Is the lady that was brought in alright?"

McCoy looked up, face worryingly blank. "She's fine. We operated on her but she needs to stay in the sickbay for a while."

"Is she still sick?"

He glanced at Christine. "In a way. She's also very sad."

"Why is she sad?"

"Well, some bad people were unkind to her."

"I could cheer her up." Joanna said sweetly, and Christine smiled.

McCoy was smiling too. "I'm sure you could, sweetheart, but let's let her sleep for a bit longer. Now I have some things I need to do. In the meantime, Chapel..."

She thought quickly. "Why don't I show you the lab? We need to calibrate the equipment. We're working on an experiment at the moment."

"What type of experiment?"

"Well let's go through and I'll tell you all about it."

"Alright. Dad, next time you operate can I watch? I'll be good, I promise. You won't even know I'm there."

McCoy exchanged a look with her, and she attempted not to smile. "We'll see." She knew he wouldn't allow her to see anything like what they'd just done – but maybe something small, where the patient was awake...? "Now keep an eye on Chapel's calibrations for me. I normally watch her doing it in case she misses something."

Joanna nodded seriously as she rose her eyebrows at him. So he watched her because he thought she'd miss something, did he? It certainly didn't feel like that. "Is that so?" She asked him calmly.

"Not that she ever does." He added, and she grinned at him.

"This way." She led her through the back of his office into the lab.

Joanna took in all the machinery with an impressed look. "You know how to work all of these?"

She smiled. "Yes, but they're not as complicated as they look. They just have to be set up properly."

"You do it every day?"

"Yes."

"You must spend lots and lots of time with my dad."

She laughed. "Not as much time as you might think. As I told you, he's often on the bridge or away missions."

"Who looks after the sickbay when he's gone?"

"Well I do, I suppose."

Joanna smiled. "You're very clever. Dad said you were in his letters."

That threw her. "His letters?"

The girl nodded, and took a chair as she began tuning the equipment. "He writes to me every week, ever since I was a baby. Mum used to read them to me, but now I'm grown up I can read them myself."

"That sounds nice." She had thought he'd said he had little contact with her? She should have known he would have never completely abandoned his child. Even if he felt he had.

"It is. Mum says it would be better if he contacted me, rather than wrote, but he's really busy and I like reading the letters over."

"Well that's great. Do you write back?"

"Sometimes. Mum doesn't like me to – she says it's a waste of time because he won't have time to read them, but I do anyway. Do you think he looks at them?"

She smiled. "I'm sure he does."

"He tells me all about the ship, and the captain, and Spock, and sometimes of the things he's seen too. He says you're the nicest person he knows."

She tried not to blush. "Well, I'm not sure that's true."

"I'm sure it is. Dad never lies in his letters. He said you're brave too – and always help him with his work."

"Well that's very nice of him."

The girl nodded. "Do you think if I help him, he'll like me more too?"

Christine paused, and glanced behind her at Joanna's face. She was looking at the floor sadly, and it occurred to her that despite her joviality, here was a girl who felt deeply. "Joanna, I think that you're his favourite person in the universe." She told her honestly.

"Really?" The girl looked surprised.

"Really."

"But how come he never wants to see me?"

"Maybe you should ask him."

"Alright."

She smiled at the expression on her face. "Joanna, has anyone told you you're a lot like your father?"

"Only mum, and only when I'm bad." She came to stand beside her. "She says he's a good doctor, but not a nice person. Is that true?"

It surprised her that her own mother would say that. Did she not want her to have a relationship with him? "Well, sometimes he has bad moods." She said truthfully. "But as for a nice person, I think he is. He looks after everyone on the ship." Especially her. He always looked after her.

"Everyone?"

"Everyone. He's in charge of the entire crew's welfare, and anyone who comes to visit the ship too."

"Wow. No wonder he's busy."

"Yes." She straightened the scanner. "Now come and see what you think this is." She allowed the girl to see down the microscope, and spent the next few hours teaching her about the project they were working on, cellular mechanisms, and, most importantly, the work of her father.

They were laughing over the terrible gene naming system that was currently in place (and naturally, created by men), when McCoy came in looking tired.

"Dad! We created another batch of the proteins you were looking at. Christine thinks that this sequence might be more successful." Joanna told him with enthusiasm.

McCoy glanced at her, looking amused. "Is that so?"

She nodded. "Joanna's right. This one looks better."

"Show me." She moved out the way and allowed him access to the computer. He flipped through her data, and analysed the protein with a frown. "You're right, this one does look better. Tomorrow we'll have a look at the interactions, Chapel."

She smiled at him. "Alright." She glanced down at Joanna. "Well thank you for your help. I wouldn't have been able to have done it near as quickly without you."

The girl blushed. "You're welcome. I can come and help you tomorrow, if you want."

McCoy chuckled. "An assistant for my assistant."

"Christine's not your assistant. She's the head nurse." Joanna pointed out with a frown.

"That's very true. Forgive me, Nurse Chapel, for forgetting your title." He said sarcastically.

She laughed. "You're forgiven, Doctor McCoy. Is everything quiet in the sickbay?"

"Yes. No new patients since this morning. Hylara's keeping an eye on Powell."

"Well why don't you and Joanna escape while you can? I'll do what I said I would."She didn't want to say it aloud in front of Joanna. "And we'll discuss it tomorrow morning."

He glanced at her, then smiled that half-smile that always made her pulse quicken, even now. "Alright. You ready, Joanna?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor. Goodnight Joanna."

"Bye Christine."

She smiled at their backs as they left, as Joanna took his hand automatically and he didn't let it go. She had the feeling that, given some practise, Leonard McCoy would make the best of fathers. A small voice, one that she decided not to listen to, reminded her that it wasn't the only thing that he would be good at.

The end of her shift came around quickly. Galloway had come into the sickbay to watch Julie, who stared blankly at the wall and hadn't said a word since coming around. She'd tried to communicate with her, tried to get her to make eye-contact, but even the threat of removal from the ship left her unmoved now. Galloway looked concerned, but assured her that they were doing everything they could, and that he'd make sure she was safe where she was. She supervised the handover, which was lengthened due to the stories being shared about McCoy and his daughter. Clearly most of the nurses had considerably warmed to him since meeting Joanna and seeing them together. A grumpy doctor was one thing, but a grumpy doctor with a sweet eight-year old was apparently something else all together. Zuvolt had come in for the nightshift and briefly updated her on Kier's condition. She had finished packing but was low. He'd managed to convince her that leaving the ship was the best thing for everyone, but was anxious of how she'd cope on Earth alone. He said no word about himself, but she knew he was as devastated about being separated from her as she was from him. She'd need to speak to McCoy about the situation again. Surely something could be done? Finally, she completed her duties, made a last check on Julie, and left the sickbay.

Uhura and Gaila were waiting outside her quarters – which wasn't entirely unexpected. Gaila looked like she was about to burst as she let them in.

"How come you didn't tell us?" She demanded, as she quickly changed out of her uniform and fixed some drinks.

"Tell you about what?" She asked with a smile.

"That McCoy has a daughter!" Gaila almost shouted.

Uhura frowned at her. "It did come as a bit of a surprise."There was amusement in her eyes.

Christine sighed, and sat down. "It wasn't really mine to tell. I wasn't sure who knew and who didn't."

"Apparently no one knew except for the captain. Even Spock didn't know." She had the feeling McCoy would like that. "But you did..." Gaila and Uhura exchanged significant looks. They'd both been shocked when she'd told them what she'd said to McCoy a few days ago to make things return to normal. Both had apparently been convinced he was in love with her. However, thankfully, they'd understood, even if Gaila's attitude still was that she should remove her clothing and see how he reacted.

She shrugged. "He needed someone to talk to."

"What's she like?"

How did you describe Joanna? "She's sweet, and clever. And actually, very like him."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Uhura asked.

She smiled. "It's just an observation."

"What's he like as a father?" Gaila asked.

"Well the other nurses seem to approve." She said slowly.

"Every girl likes a man who's good with children." Gaila commented with a smile.

"And you?" Uhura asked.

"I think he's good with her, as far as I've seen."

Gaila gave her a sly look. "Enough for you to want to have babies with him of your own?"

"Gaila!" Uhura reprimanded sharply as she blushed and the Orion looked unrepentant. She had the feeling Gaila knew it was true. Uhura fixed her with a serious look. "How do you feel about it, knowing he has a daughter?"

She frowned. "I don't mind. Why would I? It doesn't change anything."

"I think I would mind." Uhura replied slowly. "Knowing that he's had a whole other life with someone. A child would be a constant reminder of that. He can never fully start again."

"We're the sum of our experiences, Nyota. We can never fully start again, even if we want to." She was proof of that. The Enterprise was supposed to be a new start for her, and look what had happened. "But it doesn't matter how I feel about it really. It's not like we're together."

Gaila frowned at her. "But if you were you wouldn't mind?"

"I don't think so." She liked Joanna a lot. It would be wonderful to be a stepmother to a child like her. But she should put that from her mind now. "How's Scott?" She asked Gaila to distract herself from her thoughts.

Gaila frowned. "He's upset about Julie. He doesn't like to think this sort of thing goes on under his nose. I've been helping him break those encryptions all day and he's been distracted."

"How's it going?" Uhura asked her, looking perplexed.

The woman shrugged. "It's hard to say. It's heavy stuff – some of them have been triple and quadruple encrypted, so working backwards is difficult. I imagine we'll get them, but it might not be until we get to Earth unless Monty has a breakthrough. It was a good find on your part."

Uhura nodded. "I wouldn't have found them had I not been looking for a copy of a transmission for Jim. Have you any idea who it could be?"

Gaila shook her head. "There's no ID and we might never find one. This person knows how to cover their tracks."

There was a buzz at her door, and she looked up in surprise. She definitely wasn't expecting anyone else, but answered the door promptly.

"Joanna?" The girl was tear-streaked, her shoulder hunched, but looked resolute.

"Christine?" Uhura called from behind her, then saw the girl and stopped. "We should go. Come on Gaila."

The Orion was studying the child with interest, and opened her mouth to protest, but Uhura elbowed her, and she meekly followed her from her quarters.

"Goodnight."

Christine looked down at the small girl and wondered what on earth was going on. But first things first. "Come in, Joanna." She smiled, took her hands and led her into her quarters.

"I'm sorry I made your friends leave." Joanna said, looking guilty.

"It's not a problem. They would have left soon anyway." She sat her down on the sofa. "Would you like something to drink?"

The girl nodded and she ordered them orange juice. That made her smile slightly. "Grandma always gives me orange juice." She said, her voice trembling. She felt a wave of pity for the girl, and sat down and put an arm around her.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

The girl sniffed, and she could tell she was trying very hard not to cry again. "My dad hates me."

Oh dear. This was complicated. "He doesn't hate you, Joanna." She said gently.

"Yes he does. He hates me. That's why he never comes to see me. He doesn't even like me. He never even wanted me." Now she knew that that wasn't true.

"What exactly did he say, Joanna?" She asked softly.

"He said he hadn't wanted me to come here." She started to cry again and Christine hugged her. But how to explain this, when it should be McCoy who was doing it?

"Does your father know you're here?" She asked her.

"No." The girl sobbed into her shirt angrily. "And you can't tell him. I never want to see him again."

"Never is a long time, Joanna." She pointed out gently.

"He doesn't want to see me either."

She wiped the tears from the girl's face with a tissue. "Now, listen to me. Your father loves you."

"Then why doesn't he say that?"

She sighed. "Sometimes your father finds it difficult to express what he really feels."

"I don't understand."

She smiled. "Well, for instance, if he's very worried about something, he sometimes gets angry with people instead of telling them he's worried. He's not good with words."

"That's stupid. He's like Spock."

She shook her head. "No, he's the opposite of Spock. You see, Spock suppresses all his feelings, and expresses what feelings he has. Your father feels everything, but expresses few of them properly."

"That sounds like it would make him ill. Why does he do it?"

"It's something that people learn to protect themselves. You're father sees lots of hard things."

Joanna looked perplexed. "So what he says isn't really what he means?"

"Not always. So the people who care about him – like you and me – have to be very patient and try to help him. Do you think that you could help him?"

Joanna looked at her, and nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Good girl."

Joanna laid her head on her arm and stroked her hand, a strange affectionate gesture that she wasn't used to but touched her. She had the feeling that there was something else deeper that was bothering her. She really was like her father.

"You smell of pear drops." The child said quietly.

"What are pear drops?"

"They're sweets that grandma makes, and her mum before that, and her mum, and her mum all the way back forever."

She smiled. "Is that a good thing to smell of?"

"Definitely." She lapsed into silence again.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about, Joanna?" She asked her calmly.

"Do you think my dad would let me come and live on the Enterprise?" The question surprised her. So that was what she had really been worrying about? She sighed because she knew the girl didn't have a hope. However, saying no outright wouldn't be as good as addressing the underlying problem.

"Is there a reason why you don't want to live on Earth?"

"No, I like living on Earth. But mum is sending me away to school on Cerberus and I don't want to go."

She felt a wave of pity for the girl, but tried to remain pragmatic. "You know, you might like it there. Imagine all the new friends you'll make, and all the new things you'll learn."

"Maybe. But I'd rather come here." She made no reply, but stroked the girl's hair. Poor thing. She must feel unwanted. She knew that feeling well.

There was a buzz at the door and Joanna jumped. "That will be your father." She told her.

Joanna looked worried. "He'll be angry at me. I shouldn't have run away."

She smiled reassuringly. "I'll talk to him. Why don't you go and wait in the bedroom?"

She nodded and scuttled away as she answered the door.

"Is she here?" McCoy looked ill and worried as she let him in.

"Yes."

"Oh hell." He looked relieved as he sat down on her sofa and put his head in his hands. She wondered where exactly he thought she could have got to. After all, they were at warp, and the girl had only been on the ship a day.

She sat down next to him. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" First one McCoy, then the other.

"I think she misunderstood me, Chapel. I didn't mean to upset her." He looked completely disorientated. "Is she alright?"

"She was a bit upset." She said honestly. "She thought you didn't care about her."

"Damn it. How can she think that?"

"Well have you actually told her that you do?" He frowned and she patted his hand. "She's in the bedroom."

He stood up, and then paused, looking hesitant. "Chapel..."

She stood up too and smiled. "Just be honest." He nodded and disappeared into her room.

In the time he was gone she tided the glasses away, neatened her desk and smoothed her hair. When McCoy returned, Joanna was with him smiling happily.

"Is everything alright?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes." Joanna grinned at her, and she knew she'd taken her words to heart.

"Come on Joanna. We've taken up enough of Nurse Chapel's evening."

"Are you not coming with us?" Joanna looked disappointed and glanced at her father.

He looked hesitant. "You know Chapel, I've got that security footage I could use your help with." He said slowly.

She smiled. Spending the evening with McCoy and his daughter would be nice – but she didn't want to interfere. "Okay. Well if you need my help?"

"He does." Joanna answered quickly.

"Well then." She picked up her PADDs. "Shall we?"

She followed them to his quarters. McCoy had put another bed on the floor, and she had the feeling his bedroom was going to be given to his daughter.

"You should get ready for bed, Joanna. It's late and your mother said I wasn't to keep you up."

"Mum says you never listen to her." The girl mimicked his frown.

"I always listen to her - I don't always agree. But I do today. On you go."

The girl scowled, and went to find her suitcase. She laughed softly and sat down on his sofa as he pulled up his computer screen and loaded the images.

"I don't think this is going to be interesting viewing, Chapel." He said, frowning at the still image of the door to Ensign Powell's quarters.

"It's fine, I brought reading." She held up her PADD of personnel reports and he made a face.

"A thrilling night for the both of us."

"Well, at least your sofa is more comfortable that your office chairs." She pointed out with a smile, and he came and sat down beside her.

"You've never complained about the chairs before." He frowned at her.

"Would it have made a difference if I had?" She wondered if he even knew who to ask about finding replacement chairs.

"Maybe."

She laughed. "Liar."

"Dad? Can I borrow your toothbrush?" Joanna was dressed in pyjamas and looked even smaller.

"There's a spare one by the sink." He turned to her. "Did you forget yours?"

"Yep."

"Did you forget anything else?"

"I don't know. I won't until I need it, will I?"

He chuckled at her logic. "Fine. I'm sure Grandma will give you what you need when you get to hers."

"Yep." She said as the water began to run.

Christine gave him an amused look and he frowned at her. "Something funny Chapel?"

She shook her head. "Not really. It's just strange, seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "Fatherly."

To her surprise he smiled at her. "Well, I haven't done a very good job of it so far."

"I don't think you're doing so badly."

"Don't patronise me."

"I wasn't."

"Well it sure sounded like it."

"Dad, why are you arguing with Christine?" Joanna asked loudly.

He rolled his eyes, then turned to his daughter. "I wasn't."

"That's what it sounded like." She was frowning at him and she had to hide a smile behind her hand.

"Your father and I were just discussing something. He doesn't believe what I say very often." She told her.

"That's not very nice. Why don't you trust her?" Joanna folded her arms.

"Hell, I do trust her." She felt something rise in her chest when he said that.

"Then you should believe what she says."

He frowned at his daughter, then glanced at her. She raised her eyebrows at him slightly and he shook his head at the ceiling. "Time for bed Joanna."

"Are you going to tuck me in?"

"Do you want me to?"

"You don't have to."

He looked confused, and she gave him a slight nod. Clearly he didn't understand that his daughter didn't just want him to do it, but wanted him to want to do it. "Well I should. Come on."

A thought occurred to her, and she vocalised it without thinking. "Joanna, how did you know where my quarters were?"

"Uncle Jim told me."

McCoy frowned. "Uncle Jim? Da-." She was surprised he'd managed to catch himself from swearing. "That is, where did you see the captain?"

"Near here. I asked him where Christine's was and he walked me there. He was nice. He said he'd always wanted to be someone's uncle Jim."

McCoy's face had clouded over. "I see."

"I should think that if he's still nice when I'm older I might marry him." The girl said simply.

"Joanna, I can honestly say that you will only marry Captain Kirk over my dead body."

"Why?"

He rolled his eyes and she wondered how he was going to explain that situation. "Your uncle Jim is not very nice to women."

"The nurses say that he's really nice." She pointed out, and Christine started to laugh. McCoy sent her an accusing look that silenced her. Well this was hardly her fault.

"He's not the marrying type either."

Joanna shrugged, unbothered. "I'm sure I'd make him change his mind. But then I might not have time for boys when I'm grown up."

"Let's hope not." McCoy muttered.

"Well goodnight Christine."

"Night Joanna."

McCoy followed her into his room, and she began to go through the numerous reports, searching for key indicator words that she thought the doctor may have used for someone acting suspiciously. McCoy emerged some minutes later and sat back down next to her.

"Everything alright?" She asked him, glancing at his face.

"Fine. She's just growing up fast."

"Children have a habit of doing that." She pointed out with a smile. "She'll be bringing home boys before you know it."

The doctor shuddered. "She'd better not be. Now, let's get this over with."

He began to forward through the recording, slowing it as she entered and exited her quarters. Christine kept one eye on it, and continued to read.

After almost an hour with nothing to see, McCoy was growing fractious. She wasn't having much luck of her own – he'd been right – few people had anything even remotely suspicious on record, and those that did had excluded themselves from being likely candidates for a spy through various methods. She wondered why they were assuming that only one person was involved. Not that she liked to think that there was more than one on board.

"Look at this Chapel." McCoy indicated to the screen, and she looked up to see a man, back to the camera, apparently speaking to Julie as she stood in her door. Then she allowed him in. McCoy rewound it. "Computer, identify the people in this scene."

The computer beeped. "Ensign Julie Powell and Engineer Nicos Argenn."

They looked at one another. "They knew each other?"

"Apparently so. Have you got Argenn's last report there?"

"Yes – but it's incomplete. You wanted to follow him up, remember?"

"Damn it. I was meant to. Chapel, you're not thinking what I am, are you?"

"I think I might be."

"It's awfully convenient that Powell works in communication – and we find out about the messages and she turns up in the sickbay a few hours later." She definitely was.

"But there have been other times." She said slowly. "It really might have been coincidence."

McCoy looked down at his computer, reading something she couldn't see. "I don't think so. There's something about Argenn that's not quite right."

"You think he's been attacking her?"

"He's certainly strong enough. And his answers during my assessment were textbook." The same way any spy would be taught. So the two situations were linked?

"What do we do now?" She asked him.

McCoy shook his head. "I'll need to speak to Jim. Someone needs to keep an eye on him."

"I'd do it in person if I was you."

"Why?"

"Well, if there's two of them, there might be more, and if they can encode something so deeply that Scott is struggling with it I'd bet that they have their ear on the comms."

"Damn it. I'll speak to him first thing tomorrow."

"I'll come and take Joanna to the sickbay early if you wish. We have the meeting at 0900, and I can find something for her to do while we're there."

He nodded. "That would be good." He leaned back. "Hell, I just want two more quiet days."

"Well there's no reason why they shouldn't be." McCoy raised his eyebrows at her. "Doctor, these people have been on the ship for months. There's no reason why they'd suddenly act now."

He looked unconvinced, and she wondered if he knew something she didn't. But if he did, why wouldn't he tell her? Was she being paranoid? They lapsed into silence.

"I saw Zuvolt earlier." She commented.

"How's Kier?"

"To be expected. Did you see her?"

"Yes. The baby's fine, and she agreed to leave."

"She didn't have much choice." She pointed out, attempting to remove any inflection from her voice.

McCoy looked weary. "No she didn't. At least Zuvolt's not making more problems for us."

"He's going to struggle after she's gone though. It won't be easy to be far away from Kier, especially when the baby is born."

"Plenty of Starfleet couples manage it." She frowned at him. That didn't make it right. "However, I've spoken to Starfleet about getting Zuvolt relocated to Earth. Even if I pull strings, it won't be immediate, but he should hopefully be there before the baby's born."

She smiled at him. "I knew you would." She knew he'd try and make it better, no matter what he said. He was a good person. He wouldn't want to cause them unnecessary pain.

He looked embarrassed. "Well, it puts us in a difficult position. We're going to have to find a new doctor."

"We'll manage." She said promptly.

He shrugged. "I suppose." He was watching her with those eyes, and it was making her heart beat faster.

"I should go."

"Yes. Get some sleep." She stood up and he followed suit. "Thank you for your help with everything today, Chapel."

She smiled at him, understanding. "You don't have to thank me, doctor. I enjoyed spending time with Joanna."

He was looking at her carefully, almost hesitantly. "Even so – what I said before...That is, I think you'd be an excellent mother, Chapel." His eyes were sincere and she felt a wave of sadness because she wanted it to be true. And because motherhood was a joy that would probably never be hers because she'd fallen in love with him.

Impulsively she reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight doctor."

His reply was quiet. "Goodnight Chapel."

She left before her heart took over her mind and betrayed her.


	34. Chapter 14 Part II Joanna McCoy

14. Joanna – McCoy

Part II

_Something big is looming – can you feel it? If I had to choose a song for this part of the chapter, it would be Sweet and Low by Augustana, simply because it's always reminded me of McCoy and Joanna. Let me know what you think of Joanna – I found her the hardest person to write, because I wanted to get her right so badly. She's as smart and impulsive as her father – I hope that comes across. Thanks for all the reviews – I appreciate them, and I know that you're screaming and them to get together. It won't be long now – as I said these are the last 3 chapters (but multiparted to keep them a sensible length). Thanks for reading. _

"Are you feeling better now?" Chapel's voice sounded amused as he finally watched the ship power down and actually began to breathe again. It had been a long wait, and the shuttle was running late, which didn't help his nerves. Nor did Chapel's apparent amusement at his suffering.

He frowned at her. "Don't pander to me, Chapel. Do you know how many shuttle accidents I've seen in the last ten years?"

Her eyes were still amused, and distracted him somewhat. "Actually seen, or just heard about?"

Hell, she was making fun of him. He scowled at her, but couldn't make a retort as passengers began to emerge for the ship. Where was she? He had thought she'd be the first from the ship. Maybe she hadn't come. Maybe she didn't want to get off the ship, because she didn't want to see him.

"Admiral Chapman, Admiral Brooks, welcome to the Enterprise." Jim was shaking the passenger's hands.

"Captain Kirk."

Another form stepped from the ship – an Illyrian. He vaguely remembered him from the Institute and that didn't make him feel better. Illyria wasn't even a Federation planet. If they'd brought him, it could only mean one thing. He glanced at Christine, and noticed that she looked concerned too. He wondered if she was thinking what he was. His thoughts were immediately broken when he heard her voice. It was how he remembered it – more mature now, but fast and enthusiastic, as if she was going to run out of time to say everything that she wanted. She'd always been a talker, even as a toddler. When he saw her emerge with Pike he felt his nervousness grow. She was chatting away to the Admiral about a topic he didn't dare identify, and Pike was looking increasingly amused.

"Now, which one of these people do you belong to?" He asked her. Damn it, he'd thought he could do it quieter than this, after the senior staff had disappeared. Now they'd put her on the spot and she was looking nervous. What if she didn't recognise him? He stepped forward quickly.

"She's mine, Admiral."

Pike, to his surprise, smiled at him. "Your daughter has been telling me the Starfleet policy on the extradition of non-Federation personnel has several significant flaws. I should have known she was yours, McCoy."

"Is that so?" He replied slowly. Well, she wasn't wrong there. Joanna was watching him with those brown eyes of hers. She really did look older – her face had slimmed down from its childhood roundness, making her eyes look bigger, and she had grown several inches. And it sounded like she'd had plenty of time to develop opinions. "Hello Joanna."

She smiled at him impishly and he felt the tightness in his chest ease somewhat. "Hi Dad." She turned back to Pike with a rather malevolent look. "Well it does, you know."

Pike laughed. "I'll be sure to pass on your views to Starfleet Command. It was nice to meet you. Now Captain Kirk, how have you been treating my ship?"

He ignored the conversation around him and watched his daughter. "Did you have a good flight?"

She shrugged. "It was okay." She glanced at the elderly men. "The other Admirals are a bit grumpy." She whispered, and he couldn't help but smile. "Are all these people here to see them?" She was looking along the line of personnel.

He nodded. "They're the senior staff."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that they run the ship."

"Oh. Are you senior staff?"

"Unfortunately."

He noticed that Jim was grinning at them, and the guests were being ushered out of the bay by Spock. "Now we've got rid of that lot, I should welcome you properly, Joanna, to the Enterprise. I've been looking forward to getting to know you for some time." The captain gave him an amused look, and he scowled. His friend had been trying to persuade him to allow him to meet his daughter since first he'd found out he had one (and he'd only found that out by reading his mail). He'd met her only once, briefly, and McCoy had the feeling the man had made a lasting impression on her. Lasting enough for him to not allow them to meet again. Jim was not a role-model he wanted his daughter to have.

"The last time I met you, you didn't look much like a captain." Joanna was watching the man with a frown, and he almost laughed, especially when Jim blushed. Last time she had met him she must have been five, and he'd never forget her calmly walking in to the living room and telling him that there was a strange man bleeding outside, and that he should probably take a look at him. Jim was unconscious on the grass – he never did find out why (and he probably didn't want to know) – and she'd poked him quite calmly, and asked if all his friends were so odd.

"Well, I wasn't a captain then. Do I look like one now?"

Joanna looked him up and down, then smiled at him. "I think so."

"I'm extremely glad to hear it." He winked at her winningly, and he rolled his eyes. Good grief. "Right, our meeting is at 0900 tomorrow morning. I expect everyone to be there. Dismissed."

The staff began to filter out, Jim was collared by Uhura, and he watched as Chapel approached them. Her walk and face was smooth, but there was something in her eyes that was almost nervous. He felt a wave of affection for her. She was worried that Joanna wouldn't like her. As if anyone could dislike Christine Chapel.

"Hello." Joanna said immediately as she came to his side.

"Hi." She smiled at the girl, and he knew immediately that his daughter was as lost as the rest of them to her and that smile.

"Joanna, this is Nurse Chapel, my head nurse."

"You can call me Christine."

Joanna gave him a look of recognition, and it occurred to him that he might have written about Chapel a few times. She returned Christine's smile with a wide one of her own. "It's nice to meet you."

"And you."

"Bones, can you come here?" Jim shouted and he swore under his breath. Not now. Not when his daughter was here. He'd better have a hell of a reason... He glanced at Jim, and the look on his face told him that he probably did. Damn it. He glanced at Christine.

"Chapel, why don't you show Joanna the sickbay? I'll be in as soon as I can."

She nodded and smiled kindly at Joanna. "Of course. There's lots of people in the sickbay who are looking forward to meeting you Joanna." Hell, he loved how he didn't have to explain to her.

Joanna was looking nervous, and he felt it tug at him. Damn it, he shouldn't be leaving her already. "Really?"

"Of course. But I warn you, we might have to put you to work. It's pretty busy in there at the moment."

Joanna seemed to brighten at that, and he wondered, once again, how Chapel always knew how to say the right thing. "I don't mind. Will you teach me how to do bandages?"

"Why do you want to learn how to bandage?" He asked her with a frown. What child wanted to learn how to bandage?

"I just do." She frowned at him and he let it drop quickly.

"Well, we'll see about that." Chapel said calmly.

Damn it, he really didn't want to leave her. Why couldn't this be easy? "I'll be back soon. Be good." She was still frowning at him, and he felt it follow him across the room as he made his way to Jim.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately.

"Tell him, Uhura."

Uhura was looking worried, but her manner, as always, was professional. "The captain asked me to look for the transmission he made to the USS Danube two months ago." The Danube? The ship that had picked up Korby's equipment from Exo? He exchanged a look with Jim. Hadn't he assured him that the equipment was safe? So why was he going back to that transmission? "While I was searching for it, I noticed that there were two messages, not one, to the Danube from this ship. I thought it was a duplicate at first – the system sometimes creates two copies of a transmission as backup. But then I decided to have a better look at it, and realised it was a ghost file."

He was beginning to have a bad feeling. "Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a programmer. What the hell is a ghost file?"

"A ghost file, Bones, is a file that has been deleted, but whose data haunts the back-up systems." Jim explained.

"If the file had been a simple duplicate, the system wouldn't have deleted it." Uhura continued. "So I had a look at the date of creation – it piggybacked the captain's transmission three minutes after he had finished."

"And that means that someone else might have been speaking to the Danube when I was."

He frowned. "So?"

"Well, I was on duty then, so I know that there were no other transmissions going through the authorised channels to the Danube. It made me think, anyhow. So I started to look in the back-up system for other ghost files. There are seventeen."

"What?" He knew where this was going.

"They were heavily encrypted before they were deleted, so I couldn't get into them – and the information I have on them is sparse. I don't even know when they occurred except for the last one. Because it's newer its ghost is fresher and has more information."

"And guess when it was made Bones?"

"Enlighten me."

"It was made three days before we got to Galor."

"And was probably made to the Institute." Uhura added.

Oh hell. "You're saying that someone has been communicating with Galor using an encrypted transmission, and then deleted it from the system?"

Uhura nodded. "Yes, and the Danube too. And who knows where else."

"There's a spy on the ship, Bones." Jim was frowning, and he knew his thoughts were echoing his own. Was it coincidence that the person had communicated both with the Danube, and with Galor – where there were scientists asking about Korby? And why the hell were Starfleet here now?

"Jim, why did you want to look at the Danube transmission?" He asked slowly.

"Later, Bones. We need to go and see Scotty and see what's in these ghost transmissions."

Uhura was frowning. "Do you think that Starfleet have suspected a spy? Do you think that's why they're here?"

Jim shook his head. "No – this isn't about just a spy." He didn't allow her to ask any more questions. "Dismissed, Lieutenant. Keep an eye out for any more transmissions that shouldn't be there. I trust you've already told Spock?"

"Yes captain."

He chuckled. "Good. Keeps your ears open."

She smiled at him, then left.

"Are you thinking what I am, Bones?"

"That this is big?"

"No, that we've missed breakfast." Jim laughed, and he rolled his eyes.

"Be serious, Jim."

"I am, but there's no point getting worried about this until we know we have to."

"I don't see how we can _not _get worried about this. You know what this might mean?"

"Yes, I think I have a pretty good idea." They walked out of the bay towards engineering. "So... Joanna's grown up." Jim commented with a grin. "She's as blunt as you are."

"There's no need to get nasty, Jim. You're just annoyed that she's not fawning all over you."

"I'm usually great with kids."

"That's because you still act like one. I don't know what you expected after last time you met."

"It wasn't that bad. I thought she liked me."

He rolled his eyes. "As much as you can like a bloody heap collapsed on her front lawn. She thought you were mad. I'm surprised you didn't leave her traumatised."

"Of course she wasn't. The daughter of Leonard McCoy would never be traumatised by a bit of blood."

Despite himself, he laughed. "You haven't met her mother."

"Actually..." Jim grinned again, and dodged his elbow as they entered engineering.

"Ah, there you are captain." Scott greeted them with a frown. "If you've come here about the transporters, what I said earlier-."

"We're not here about that, Scotty." Jim interrupted, and quickly gave him Uhura's findings. Scotty was moving to a console before he'd even finished speaking.

"Very interesting. I see them now. Well, I suppose I should rethink trying to remove ghosts from our systems. I never thought that they might actually have a use."

He was looking as enthusiastic as always. Good grief, could the man not see what this meant? Knowing Scott, probably not. "Can you see what they contain?" Jim asked, attempting to keep him to the point.

"Well Uhura's right – the encryptions pretty mighty, and some of them have been in the system a while. The longer they're floating about, the more their information gets garbled and the harder it is to reconstitute them."

"But...?" Jim waited for him to continue. Scotty always liked to say how hard something was before he managed to solve it. It was a waste of breath really, and it always irritated him.

"But I think I'll be able to pull out the more recent ones at least. The more difficult part will be getting through that encryption." He frowned at the screen, then shouted down the hall. "Gaila, you about?"

The red-headed Orion popped her head out from underneath some turbine, screw-driver in her mouth. "Yep. What's wrong?"

"Come and have a look at this encryption for me."

She pulled herself out, dusted herself off provocatively, and danced over. Hell, it was lucky she worked in engineering – he could already see other officers eyes drawn to hers, Jim's included. As he recalled they'd had a fling at some point. He wondered who had seduced who. It was also lucky that Scotty wasn't the sort who got jealous – mostly because he lived in his own universe.

Gaila was scanning through the data. "Well it's certainly something." She said with a grin, and he suddenly saw the similarity between them. And there was he thinking that the Orion just liked him for the challenge. "It's been triple encoded – so I'm going to need to develop three different encryption keys."

"You can do it?" Jim looked surprised.

She gave him a level look. "Let's remember which of us hacked the Kobayashi Maru simulation."

"Touché."

"This girl can hack anything given the chance." Scotty said affectionately, and he noticed, in the same voice he used when talking to the ship.

"There's a nice new one. Just give me a few minutes." They watched as her fingers began to move with speed on the console. He wondered if Jim understood what she was doing. He sure of hell didn't. It took only eight minutes. "Got it. It looks like a data file. Do you want to see?"

"This is the one sent to Galor?"

"Yep."

"Then yes I do."

She pulled it on to the screen. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't what he saw. There were two words: We're ready.

"That's all there is?" Jim questioned.

"I think so. It's the least fragmented, so I think it's almost entire. What do you think?"

Scotty was looking over her work. "Aye, that's it."

"Do we know who sent it?"

She shook her head. "It's a generalised signal. It could be from anyone. And don't ask me who it went to either. Can you triangulate it Commander?"

Scotty smiled at her. "Well, I might be able to have a wee try. But let me see if I can rebuild the rest of the messages first." He began to work, Gaila at his side. After fifteen minute he started to pace. He should probably go and find his daughter. And yet he couldn't leave not knowing what were in those messages.

"Alright, this is going to take me some time." Scotty said after an hour.

"You couldn't have told us that forty minutes ago?" He muttered.

"Doctor, if you fancy uniting fifteen hundred fragments deeply embedded in a backup system, be my guest." Scotty retorted. "I didn't realise how broken some of there were until now."

"Contact me when you're done." Jim ordered.

"Aye."

"This takes priority over everything, Scotty. We need their content, and anything else you can find out. And keep it to yourselves. I don't want anyone else knowing that we've found these."

"Alright sir. Gaila, can you build us a firewall?"

"Yep."

They left them to it. "Are you going back to the sickbay?" Jim asked him.

"Where else would I be going?"

"You can't keep Joanna in there all day!"

What was wrong with the sickbay? "You have a better idea?"

"Maybe I should give her a tour of the ship?"

There was no way he was allowing Jim near his daughter. "Haven't you got Admirals to be seeing to?"

Jim frowned. "You had to remind me. Alright then, maybe later."

"I don't think so."

He sighed. "You know she'll love me."

"That's what worries me." He laughed and they parted ways.

He began to feel increasingly nervous as he walked back. He'd put thoughts of Joanna on hold for an hour. He couldn't any more. He hoped she wasn't still upset at him for leaving. He wasn't sure she'd understand. She was only eight – how could she understand why her father would leave her five minutes after she'd got on the ship for the first time? Damn it.

On entering the sickbay he heard Chapel's voice immediately. She was kneeling down next to Joanna and assessing the mummified form that he guessed was Campbell from the shape in a way that almost made him laugh. He assumed that his daughter was responsible for that. "It sounds like a good plan. But let's release Nurse Campbell first, shall we?"

"Please." Nurse Campbell sounded strained. Clearly his daughter knew how to tie the bandages tight. Well, the man wouldn't have trouble tripping over his own feet this way – mostly because he probably wouldn't be able to stand up.

"Maybe you should leave him like that. I think I prefer it." Joanna sprang up at his voice, and surprised him by running and embracing him. Christine shot him a disapproving look, but he saw amusement behind her eyes. Clearly his daughter was more understanding than he thought. He wondered how much Chapel had to do with that.

"What did the captain want?" Joanna looked up at him with those big brown eyes and he felt a wave of affection for her.

"He needed to tell me something important. What have you been up to?"

"Well, Doctor Seams has been teaching me the bones of the skull, and then Nurse Ffoyd showed me how to bandage."

"I can see that." He attempted not to laugh. "What do you think Chapel?"

Christine exchanged a look with him with a smile. "She'll pass."

He noticed that everyone in the sickbay seemed to have stopped. Hell, he wasn't a performing monkey. He had no idea why they all were staring, but it was somewhat insulting. "Is there a particular reason why everyone's stopped working?" They immediately found something to busy themselves with. He supposed they were wondering why he'd abandoned his daughter when she'd just come aboard. It occurred to him that any one of them might be the spy. But surely not? Surely he would have noticed someone on his own staff? But then...

"What are we going to do, dad?" Joanna sounded excited and broke his sombre thoughts. Hell, it couldn't be anyone in the sickbay. Chapel would have noticed, even if he hadn't.

He smiled at his daughter. Maybe he should give her that tour Jim suggested? "Well, why don't we-."

"Can we get some help?" Gaila and one of the other engineers came in carrying Ensign Powell between them.

"Oh hell." She was a real mess. Damn it, Joanna shouldn't be seeing this. "Chapel, will you-."

"I've got it." She replied calmly efficient as she helped them put her on to a bed. "Ogiri, why don't you show Joanna the mess?"

"But I can help." Joanna was looking at Powell's prone form with a frown that worried him.

"Not with this, sweetheart. Go with Ogiri – I'll come find you soon."

She didn't look happy, but obediently followed Ogiri from the room. He took the scanner from Ffoyd and began to examine the girl. Damn it, there was no way these wounds were an accident. Someone had beaten her to a pulp.

"Chapel, get here." She pulled the screen around them as he examined the read-out. She was looking sombre when he glanced at her. "Cut her clothes. I need to see."

He wasn't surprised what he saw, but he'd had the benefit of the scanner. Chapel hadn't. "Oh..." He couldn't fail to notice that many of the wounds were not new. He sure as hell was going to make someone pay for this. The girl moaned and Chapel stroked her hair. "It's alright Julie."

"It's damn well not alright." This was his fault. He should have never allowed her to leave the last time. What the hell had he been expecting to happen? He felt down her arms and legs – she'd broken her right ulna and clavicle from the feel, and quite likely several ribs. However, it was the abdominal bruising that was concerning him – the readout wasn't promising. He gave her a hypospray for the pain, Chapel's calmness helping to settle him. One thing at a time.

"I'm going to have to operate. She's ruptured her spleen and is bleeding out too heavy for me not to."

"How did it happen?"

He scowled at her. Surely that was obvious? "How do you think? Tell me what you see Chapel."

"Her abdomen... She was punched repeatedly. And I think that that might be a shoe mark."

She was right. "Take some pictures. Then prep her for surgery."

She didn't ask any more questions, which was good because he didn't have any answers. He scrubbed up quickly as Christine and the other nurses efficiently prepared things. He then decided on the anaesthetic and walked into the operating bay as Chapel scrubbed up too. She was all professionalism, and he didn't think twice as he went to tie the back of her gown. He stroked the stray hairs from the nape of her neck, and tried not to notice how she felt this close. Time and a place McCoy.

"Are you ready?" She asked him.

He nodded. Time to work. He sedated his patient. "On-screen. Switch to the angriogram." The cause was immediately apparent. Hell, they must have kicked her hard. "Alright, I'm going to repair the splenic artery and reperfuse the upper right pole. Scalpel." And so he began. It was straightforward, although the blood complicated his view several times. He clamped several vessels, put in connectors and released them, allowing them to heal as the connectors were absorbed. Then he repaired the capsule with a thermal regenerator, and cauterised the weeping tissue. A final scan checked splenic perfusion, and that was that.

"Alright. Take her to recovery and make sure they watch her carefully." He ordered Chapel who was finishing up.

"You think that they'll be complications?"

"Not – the operation was straightforward, but I don't want her going anywhere."

She met his eyes, and he couldn't miss the worry in them. "Do you think they meant to kill her?"

"No, we both know there are far easier ways to kill a person. I imagine they wanted to scare her a bit."

"I wish we knew why."

"What I want to know is how the hell this can happen. Galloway's meant to be keeping an eye on her." Of course, they could be missing the obvious. "Unless it was-."

"It wasn't him." She cut him off firmly, and he wondered how she could be so sure. He felt a wave of something he didn't care to identify as she continued. "We'll have to go over the security footage."

"I'll have it sent to me. In the meantime don't let her leave this sickbay. And let's get some security on the door for now." He glanced down at her. She was sleeping peacefully now. Physically she would be fine – but psychologically? "Damned idiot. Why the hell doesn't she tell us what is going on?"

Chapel made no reply. He didn't think she could. He went to inform Jim, and to request security to be put on the door. Hell, he might have to get it put next to her bed too. He wasn't taking any chances this time. Chapel was talking to the engineers when he came off of the comm.

"Any idea who's responsible?" He came to stand beside Chapel and analysed the two of them. Gaila would be blameless, but the other one – what was his name? – he looked decidedly shady.

"None. She was in one of the pump rooms. No one goes near there other than me. The only reason I went in was because one of the pumps there keeps spiking a temperature. She was lucky I found her." Convenient. And why the hell had the ensign been in engineering? She worked in communications. Unless someone had drawn her down there... Someone who knew the rooms well enough to know it was unlikely she was going to be discovered until they were long gone.

"I contacted security." Gaila told them. "They're going to see if there's DNA or anything. I'll ask about and see if anyone else has noticed anything, but Galloway's already asked most of the questions before, and none of us really know her. She keeps herself to herself."

He frowned. "Well someone must have seen something." If a non-medic walked into his sickbay he'd sure as hell notice. But then, these were engineers, who spoke to machines, not people.

"Anything that you can get would help." Chapel added.

Gaila smiled at her. "All right, well I'll try. You'll let us know how she's doing?"

"I'll send Commander Scott an update when we know."

"Thanks."

He watched them leave, then noticed Nurse Ogiri returning. Alone. Oh hell. "Ogiri – where the hell is my daughter?"

The nurse gave him a guilty look. "I got her some lunch, and then Ensign Chekov offered to give her a tour of the ship."

What? Oh hell – did she not know the meaning of responsible adult? Damn it, she'd probably end up lost. "You just allowed some damned teenager to take her away?"

Chapel put a hand on his arm. "I'm sure it wasn't like that."

Ogiri nodded. "He said it was Captain Kirk's suggestion. I thought that it would be all right, since he knows all of you so well, and he promised that he'd bring her back here when they were done." Jim. Of course it was Jim's idea. Damn him – he knew he'd find some way of interfering.

Chapel stopped him from saying anything more as if he was being unreasonable. "I'm sure that was fine. It was good of you to find something to amuse her while Doctor McCoy was occupied." He rolled his eyes but decided it was best not to say anything more. That was the first and last time he trusted any of the nurses with his daughter. Other than Chapel of course. He frowned at her, feeling suddenly tired, and walked to his office. This was turning out to be a horrendous day.

She followed him and took her normal seat as if she sensed his mood. "Chekov will take care of her. He's the closest to her age of anyone on the ship." She gave him a smile. "And, let's be honest, she'll know more about Russia than the ship by the time he's done."

He couldn't help but laugh. Hell, that was true. He felt some of the tension he'd been carrying ease slightly. "This is one hell of a mess. I haven't had the chance to say three words to her since she came aboard, and now Powell's back in..." Hell, how could he have allowed that to happen? He should have committed her and got her off this ship.

"That's not your fault, you know." Her eyes were gentle and he didn't deserve it.

"The hell it's not. We should have acted faster – more aggressively after last time. We should have sent her off the ship. I swear when I get my hands on the person responsible..." He remembered the bruises on her body. It made him furious that someone who could do that existed on the ship.

"Well we might have to discharge her on psychological grounds irrelevant. There's no way that this isn't taking its toll on her, and if she won't speak..."

He nodded. "I'll give her twenty-four hours, then I'll see about releasing her when we get to Earth. I'm not going to allow this to happen again. In the meantime, I want you to try and open her up."

"I can try." She didn't sound convinced, but she had more of a chance doing it than he would. The woman was mute around both he and Zuvolt. He wondered how she was around men generally – and how she had been when she joined the ship. He'd reviewed her file a few weeks ago but it had been largely unhelpful. She'd been a quiet girl who wanted to make a difference. She had loving parents who worked in law, two younger brothers, and had made a few friends in her four years at the Academy – most of whom had lost their lives during the Narada. Psychologically she was stable and rational. She was working hard because she wanted eventually to go into command, but still kept herself to herself. And somehow she'd fallen in with the wrong man. How did a sensible girl who had so much to live for not get help when she fell into a situation like this? Why hadn't she gone to someone?

"What did the captain want this morning?" Chapel asked him, breaking his thoughts. Oh hell. Then there was that.

"Uhura found that someone's been sending transmissions from the ship for the last few months."

"Who to?"

"We have no idea. They've been pretty deeply encrypted apparently. Scott is working on extracting them. All she could tell us was that the most recent one was to the surface of Galor three days before we arrived there."

"The captain thinks this has something to do with what happened at the institute." She concluded immediately, frowning slightly.

"Yes. Apparently there's a spy on board."

"A spy working for who?"

"That's what he is hoping to find out tomorrow morning. I get the feeling Starfleet know a hell of a lot about all of this. I doubt that Daystrom was the beginning." He wondered when was. How far did this go back? He noticed she was looking distracted. He remembered how she'd been that night on Galor – that look of terror in her eyes. But surely that wasn't related?

He felt a sudden desire to reach out to her. "Are you alright Chapel?"

"Yes." She hid whatever she was feeling, her eyes professional again, and he wished that just for once she'd tell him what she was thinking "What does Captain Kirk want you to do?"

"Go through our records and see if anyone fits the profile of ship spy." He scowled. "It's a damn stab in the dark. If they've managed to stay undiscovered for so long I doubt we're going to notice anything."

"I'll go through the psychiatric reports later, and see if you picked up anything."

He nodded. "That would be useful. Else we'll have to send Spock to question everyone, and I don't want an inquisition on this ship. People are jumpy enough as it is."

"Is there anything else you'd like me to do?"

"Can you sort some security for Powell?" He wanted something at her bedside, just to be sure.

"Of course. I'll speak to Galloway." Damn it. Galloway. He wondered if she was going to go on a date with him again. He hadn't given it much thought since Galor – they'd been too much going on. But he wondered if she liked him. And if she'd kissed him. And how he was going to live with it if she did.

He heard Joanna's voice outside, and she walked in without knocking. "Hi." She grinned at him, and he returned it. At least she seemed to like him. Not that he deserved it. He saw Chekov behind her and frowned at him. How dare he take his daughter away without his permission?

"Hello." Chapel was smiling too, and sent him a very pointed look. Damn it. "How was your tour?"

"It was great!" He felt a ripple of envy. Damn, he wished he'd been able to take her. "The ship is so big and so exciting. Especially engineering-."

"You took her to engineering?" Hell, after what had just happened down there?

Chapel ignored him. Clearly she thought he was being unreasonable again. Of course she would take the boy's side. "It was very kind of you to show Joanna around the ship, Ensign."

"No, the pleasure is mine. Your daughter is wery clever, Doctor McCoy."

"Well of course she is." It was insulting that he sounded so surprised about it.

The boy turned to his daughter. "It was wery nice to meet you, Joanna McCoy. If you are around in the next few days-."

"She'll be sure to look you up." He finished. Like hell was he going near her again. What sort of man wanted to spend time with an eight year old?

Christine frowned at him. "Goodbye Ensign."

"Bye Pavel." Joanna smiled. Pavel? The boy smiled back down at her, then gave him a salute and left the room.

Joanna frowned at him in a strangely similar way to Christine. "You didn't have to be mean to him, Dad. I liked him."

"I'm sure you did." He didn't understand it himself. The boy was as irritating as Spock, and without the usefulness. His daughter seemed to see something that he didn't however, and was still frowning at him. Damn it.

Christine sent him a despairing look. "Did you eat, Joanna?"

"Yep. Nurse Ogiri got me a sandwich. Is the lady that was brought in alright?"

"She's fine. We operated on her but she needs to stay in the sickbay for a while."

"Is she still sick?" She didn't miss a trick. After all, he'd just told her she was fine.

He glanced at Christine, who was watching him with a blank face. He knew he'd have to tread carefully. She was eight, and her mother suffered from bouts of depression. "In a way. She's also very sad."

"Why is she sad?"

"Well, some bad people were unkind to her."

"I could cheer her up." She smiled at him. She always tried to cheer up her mother. She didn't really understand that it wasn't how depression worked. He remembered a few years ago – she must have been three, it was soon after they had separated and he was visiting. She had cried because her mother told her she didn't want to see her during one of her depressions. She'd probably forgotten about that. As much as he disliked Henry, he appreciated what the man did to soften the blow to Joanna when Caroline was having one of her low moods. And even now, the girl was still so sweet about her sadness.

He smiled at her. "I'm sure you could, sweetheart, but let's let her sleep for a bit longer." He was going to have to see if he could make some headway into this case. He needed to get a psychiatric consultation – there was no way he could wait for it. And he needed a profile of her assailant. Oh hell. "Now I have some things I need to do. In the meantime, Chapel..."

There was no one like her to think on her feet. "Why don't I show you the lab? We need to calibrate the equipment. We're working on an experiment at the moment."

"What type of experiment?" Joanna sounded interested. Perhaps she was more like him than he had thought.

"Well let's go through and I'll tell you all about it."

"Alright. Dad, next time you operate can I watch? I'll be good, I promise. You won't even know I'm there."

He looked at Chapel, who was trying very hard not to smile. He was trying hard himself. She was something else – and he was unexpectedly flattered. "We'll see. Now keep an eye on Chapel's calibrations for me. I normally watch her doing it in case she misses something." That was what he said at least. He knew too well that he watched her for plenty of other reasons.

Chapel gave him a level look and he knew he was in trouble. "Is that so?"

"Not that she ever does." He said quickly, and she smiled at him.

"This way." She led Joanna through to their lab.

It took him a few minutes to compose his thoughts. Then he put through a subspace communication. The face on the screen had changed since he'd last seen it. She looked older now – different from the fifteen year old that he had studied with all those year ago. He hadn't held it against her, like most of the other medical students had, that she was so young and so brilliant. He had liked her – for her fifteen years she was more sensible than half the other students he had been with. It occurred to him that Christine might have been in a similar situation had her life been different. He had the feeling however that she wouldn't have ended up as a psychiatrist as Dehner had.

"Doctor Dehner."

"Hello Elizabeth."

The woman on the screen smiled. "Leonard McCoy. How is life treating you these days?"

"As it always has. How about you?"

"I can't complain."

"You never did."

She laughed. "No, you were always complaining enough for the rest of us. How can I help you?"

"I was hoping to get your professional opinion on something."

"Of course."

"I have a patient –female, eighteen years old, has presented to me multiple times with violent injuries without defence wounds. In the most recent presentation she had been beaten so badly she'd had a ruptured spleen, and several broken bones. She will not admit to who's doing this to her, and as I understand it is in no romantic relationship. She's always been a bit of a loner, but isn't without friends, stable family background, and was cleared psychiatrically from the Narada."

"I see." The woman was writing some notes. "Let me guess – no one knows too much about her, and she's upset when someone suggests that she leaves the ship."

"Yes – exactly."

The woman nodded. "I've seen this before – it's typical in a manipulative relationship. Although the woman might not be in a romantic relationship with her perpetrator, she might want to be, or he might have some other hold over her. Her lack of desire to remove herself from the situation suggests that she blames herself for the physical – and likely mental – abuse that she suffers. She thinks that it is deserved – and the pull will be strong. Even if you remove her from the situation, that is not necessarily going to solve the problem. She will feel like the failure." He listened to the rest of what Elizabeth had to say with interest – and the psychological interventions she suggested that he carried out to get her to speak.

"The thing is McCoy, this doesn't sound like a straightforward case of bullying or abuse. In all the other cases I've worked that are similar, the hold is something more profound – for example extortion. You must be very careful – in my experience patient's like these are incredibly unstable and will do almost anything for their abuser. It is unlikely that she is currently in a fit mental state to see that what has been done to her is wrong, and consequently, even if you catch him, it is unlikely that she will testify. Just be aware."

"I will. I appreciate it, Elizabeth."

"Of course. Next time we will actually have to catch up. Starfleet have been offering me a project for some time and I would like to hear your thoughts."

"Of course. Until then. McCoy out." After a moment's thought he went to see Powell. She was lying, back to him, facing the wall. Campbell shook his head. Clearly there had been little progress. He felt like sighing. Give him broken bones any day.

"Hello Julie." He sat down beside her. "I'm sure that Nurse Campbell has told you what happened. I had to operate on you. Someone had beaten you very nicely." He paused and she made no response. "The person who did this could have killed you Julie. Do you understand that?" No response. "I understand that you might feel like you deserve this behaviour, but you don't. No one does, no matter what they do. If you saw this happening to your friend what would you say to them? What if he does this to someone else?" He paused again. "I'm not going to ask for his name now, Julie, but I want you to seriously think about telling me when I come back." He left it like that. One step at a time – that's what Elizabeth had said. Now he needed to go and find his daughter.

She was studying a screen of what appeared to be proteins when he entered the lab. Christine was writing notes and smiling at her. Joanna heard him enter and spun round with a smile. "Dad! We created another batch of the proteins you were looking at. Christine thinks that this sequence might be more successful." He'd forgotten how nice it was to always have someone glad to see him. He glanced at Chapel – she was smiling at him too and he felt something in his chest contract. Hell, he loved her.

"Is that so?"

Christine nodded. "Joanna's right. This one looks better."

"Show me." He probably didn't need to see. He trusted her. But right now he wanted to be close to her and her stability. He flipped through her data. "You're right, this one does look better. Tomorrow we'll have a look at the interactions, Chapel."

She smiled at him gently. "Alright." She glanced down at Joanna. "Well thank you for your help. I wouldn't have been able to have done it near as quickly without you."

Joanna looked pleased. "You're welcome. I can come and help you tomorrow, if you want."

He laughed. "An assistant for my assistant." He could imagine them working together all afternoon.

"Christine's not your assistant. She's the head nurse." Joanna pointed out with a frown. Apparently it was insulting to think of her as anything else. Well that was problematic, because he rarely thought of her as his head nurse these days.

"That's very true. Forgive me, Nurse Chapel, for forgetting your title."

Chapel looked equally amused. "You're forgiven, Doctor McCoy. Is everything quiet in the sickbay?"

"Yes. No new patients since this morning. Hylara's keeping an eye on Powell."

"Well why don't you and Joanna escape while you can? I'll do what I said I would and we'll discuss it tomorrow morning."

He smiled at her, because he wanted nothing more right now than to escape. "Alright. You ready, Joanna?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor. Goodnight Joanna."

"Bye Christine."

Joanna took his hand as he left, and he attempted not to smile, and to ignore the eyes on them as they left the sickbay and headed towards his quarters.

"How are you getting on at school, Joanna?"

She shrugged. "It's pretty boring."

"Boring? What are they teaching you?"

"All sorts of things, but it's too easy."

"Do you tell your mother that?"

"Yes, but she said I should be focusing on my music and art anyway."

"Your music? You're still playing the piano."

She grinned at him. "Yep, and the violin. Mum's signed me up for drawing classes after summer too. I don't really want to go, but she says that its vital to be able to draw properly."

Vital? To him there were more important things in life than artwork – but Caroline would most definitely disagree with him there. "How's your science coming?"

She shrugged. "I like it, but it's much more fun to learn like this. Christine's very clever, isn't she?"

"Yes. She's one of the cleverest people I know."

"Even more than Commander Spock?"

"Especially more than Commander Spock – because she has common sense. It's the most important type of cleverness."

Joanna laughed. "Are we going to your quarters?"

"Yes."

"Do you live by yourself?"

"Yes."

"Don't you get lonely?" She looked concerned, and he felt a tug that she would worry about him.

"I have lots of friends on this ship."

"Like Captain Kirk?"

"Yes."

"And Christine?"

"I hope so."

She threw him a sidelong look. "Are you and Christine boyfriend and girlfriend?"

He felt himself blush. Oh hell – where would she get that idea from? "No."

"Oh." He wasn't sure he could read her expression as he let her into his quarters. She was looking around and frowning.

"You can have the bedroom, Joanna. I had another bed brought in, see?"

She nodded, and began to open drawers. "It's a bit bare, isn't it?" She said bluntly.

"I spent more time in my office than here."

"Why? Don't you like it here?"

"I have lots of work to do, and sometimes I can't leave my sick patients."

"Because you're a very good doctor?"

He chuckled. "Well I don't know about that."

"Christine says that you're the best doctor that she's ever met."

"Did she now?"

"Yep. I thought I might like to be a doctor."

"Is that so?"

"Yep. But now I don't want to be."

"Why not?"

"Mum says it's not good to be one. She says you don't get enough time to do other important things."

He shrugged. "Some doctors have time. It depends on what type of doctor you are. Starfleet doctors are usually quite busy."

"Well I still want to have time to do other things like play the piano and paint too. So I don't think I should be a doctor."

"Maybe you'll change your mind when you get older." He liked the idea of her becoming a doctor like him.

She shrugged. "Maybe." She wandered about and picked up the picture of her next to his bed. "This is me." She sounded surprised.

"Well spotted."

"Why do you keep it there?"

"So I see you every morning." He replied honestly.

"This was taken a long time ago. I remember Dapple. She was a good pony. Do you remember when you were teaching me to ride and my horse started galloping away and you had to rescue me on Tiger?"

"I remember that well." One of his few finer moments. But he probably shouldn't have put her on such a large horse in the first place.

"That was fun. I liked it when you came to see me and we did things." She sat down on his sofa and looked at her feet. "How come you don't come to see me anymore?"

He sighed. He wondered when the conversation would swing to this. "It's not easy on this ship. Sometimes we're away from Earth for a very long time, and it's difficult for me to come and visit."

The girl nodded. "Do you miss me?"

He sat down beside her. "Of course I do. You're my daughter."

"Sometimes I think you forget about me." She told him, and he heard the honesty in her voice.

He put his arm around her. "I never do. Would I write to you every week if I'd forgotten?"

"No." She seemed to brighten. "Do you get my letters back?"

"Yes. You're spelling is getting very good these days."

"I know. I like your letters – especially hearing about all the places you've been to. It must be fun on the Enterprise."

"Sometimes. Sometimes it's not easy. We see lots of different peoples and I don't always know how to help them. And sometimes people try to damage the ship."

"Why?"

"All sorts of reasons. Sometimes people will try to hurt something that they don't understand."

"Oh. That sounds silly."

"It often is."

"Is that why you go to the bridge?"

He chuckled. "Jim is good at getting us into trouble."

"But he's very brave."

He sighed. "Yes he is." Far braver than him.

"Will you show me where you've been – all of the new planets?"

He smiled at her. "Alright. Let me find some pictures."

He pulled over a PADD and for the next hour he amused her with images of the new peoples they'd discovered, and tales of the planets. She seemed fascinated and he liked that – laughing over the stories of how Spock had almost married a girl because he didn't understand the customs, how they'd managed to bring peace to two warring planets, how Jim had saved them from being eaten-alive by cannibals.

"You hungry Joanna?" He asked with a smile.

"Yep. Can I replicate it?" Clearly everything seemed exciting to her.

He chuckled. "If you want to. The menu's on the side."

"What do you want?"

"Surprise me." It had taken him some time to get used to replicated food. He didn't like the idea of it being reconstructed from molecules, especially when at first the replicator had been unable to get even the most simple order (coffee in his case) correct. However, since Scotty had made some changes, things had considerably improved, and the food was reassuringly bland. He moved a pile of PADDs from his desk, and drew up two chairs to it as Joanna put a plate of what seemed to be pasta on his desk and went back to replicate herself something.

"What do you think?" He watched her take a bite, then make a face.

"It tastes of sand."

"Sand? How would you know what sand tastes like?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "I don't know. But it's how I imagine sand to taste. Do all replicated meals taste like this?"

"Some are better." He pushed his plate over to her, and she took a bite of his pasta, and made another face.

"How do you eat something that's so gross?"

"You get used to it. But lots of people choose to eat in the mess, because the meals are usually prepared from fresh food, rather than replicated."

"I can see why. When I'm on a starship, I'm going to cook my own food."

"Is that so?" He wondered when she planned to work on a starship. He hoped she wasn't thinking of joining Starfleet.

"Yep. Then you and Christine can come to dinner."

"So Christine and I are going to be on your starship too?"

"Not _my_ starship, dad. Captain Kirk's. I'm going to come and work on the Enterprise."

He gave her a level look and attempted not to react. She was eight. She was far too young to know what she wanted. "I see."

"Then you would have even more friends on the ship." He liked that she thought she was his friend. Did all daughter's think their dad was their friend?

"True. But what about all the other things you want to do?"

"I haven't worked that out yet. But I will."

"I'm sure you will."

They continued to eat – or rather he did. Joanna seemed to push food around her plate.

"Dad?" She threw him a side-long look.

"Yes Joanna."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Oh hell. Wasn't she too young to be asking that question? Children grew up too fast. "You know, you ask a lot of questions these days." He attempted to avoid the question.

She frowned at him and looked upset. "I know. Mum and Henry get angry at me. They say it's rude to be so nosy. I don't mean to be rude. I just like to know things."

He remembered being around her age, and being exactly the same. Thankfully his mother had the patience of a saint. "I know you do – and I don't think it's rude."

"Really?"

"No."

"Do you have a girlfriend then?"

Damn it. "No I don't Joanna."

"Oh." To his surprise she looked disappointed. Weren't children of broken homes meant to dislike the idea of a parent loving someone other than their mother? "Why?"

"Well I'm too busy for all that."

"All what?" She looked interested. Good grief.

"Dating, Joanna."

She frowned at him. "Well I think you should make time dad. There are lots of pretty women on the ship. Christine is beautiful. Maybe you should date her?"

He laughed. He couldn't help it. If only it was that straightforward. "I don't just like pretty women, Joanna." Christine was so much more that that. "And to date someone suggests they have to like you back. I imagine that there aren't many women who would like me back."

"Christine likes you."

"Not like that."

"Like what?"

He wondered if she was asking these questions because she saw he was uncomfortable. "Liking someone as a friend is very different from liking someone as... well as a girlfriend or boyfriend." He copied her language.

"Oh." She gave him a serious look. "Well I think that you need to find a girlfriend. A nice one, please?"

"And why's that?"

"Well, I would like a brother or sister at some point."

For a second he was stunned. Then he said the first thing that came to mind as he attempted not to laugh. "What about your mother?"

"Mum says I'm trouble enough for her. She and Henry aren't going to have any more."

"I see." Clearly she'd given this some thought. If nothing else, she constantly surprised him. "Well, that's not going to happen any time soon." He couldn't imagine having any more children. Except maybe with Christine, and that was impossible.

"Why?"

"Well, I'm tied to this ship for another four years."

"So? You could get married and have babies on the ship."

He sighed, remembering the problem of Kier and Zuvolt at the moment. "You can't have a baby on the Enterprise, Joanna."

"Why?"

"It's too dangerous for children to live on a starship."

"But I'm here, and it's not too dangerous for me."

"Joanna, you're only here for three days, and even then..."

"Even then what?" She was looking upset.

"Well, your mother had to force me to take you." He told her truthfully.

She looked like she was about to cry, and it occurred to him he might have said the wrong thing. "Didn't you want me to come?"

"Not on this ship. You have to understand, Joanna, that I wanted to see you but-."

"I doesn't sound like you wanted to. Is that why you don't want to spend time with me? Is that why you ran away when I got on the ship?" There were tears on her cheeks and her voice was rising. Damn, damn, damn. Clearly she'd inherited his temper too.

"No, Joanna. There were good reasons for that."

"But you didn't want me to come here."

"Because it's too dangerous."

"I think you're lying. You didn't want me, just like mum said." Damn it, Caroline. She'd said that? He felt himself grow angry. "That's why you joined Starfleet."

"No, Joanna. I joined Starfleet because-."

"Because it's my fault that you and mum split up. Well I'm not going to stay here. I'm going."

"Joanna, don't be ridiculous." He found his voice rising with hers. He needed her to listen to him. "Your mother and I had nothing to do..." But she was already standing up and storming out of his quarters.

For a moment he sat stunned. How the hell had that happened? He hadn't even lost his temper. But clearly he'd said the wrong thing. Damn it, he saw all the worry that the girl was carrying now. Did she really think she was the reason why they'd split up? Obviously she knew nothing about her mother's affair with Henry. And he'd made out like he hadn't wanted her here. He was a terrible father.

"Damn it." He left his quarters and looked down the corridor. She was nowhere in sight. Where would she have gone? He walked to sickbay, but she was also absent. So he then tried the mess, and finally engineering. Jim was talking with Scotty when he got there.

"You still about, Bones?"

"Have you seen Joanna?" He was getting to the end of his tether. He attempted very hard to keep the worry from his voice. Did she hate him so much she'd hide from him?

Jim shrugged, looking at his face thoughtfully. "Have you lost her?"

"In a manner of speaking. I've tried everywhere I can think of."

"Have you tried Christine's?"

He felt dumbfounded. She'd only know Christine for a day. "Chapel's? Why would she go there?"

Jim grinned at him. "I always went to her when I was upset. Maybe she will too?"

Had Joanna already formed an attachment to her? Was that even possible? A small voice reminded him that, considering how quickly he'd fallen in love with the woman, it was entirely possible. "Damn it. See you later."

That was how he found himself knocking at Chapel's door for the second time in three days. This was easily becoming habitual. She opened the door with a gentle smile.

"Is she here?" He asked immediately.

"Yes." She allowed him in.

"Oh hell." Relief filled his veins and he sat down on her sofa and put his head in his hands. Clearly Joanna was hiding in her bedroom. She still didn't want to see him – but at least she was safe.

He felt Christine sit down next to him. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

He was still unsure about that himself. "I think she misunderstood me, Chapel. I didn't mean to upset her. Is she alright?"

"She was a bit upset." She replied, her eyes intent on him. "She thought you didn't care about her."

"Damn it. How can she think that?" Couldn't she see that there was no one else in the universe he cared more about?

"Well have you actually told her that you do?" Chapel asked gently. Oh hell. Had he? He wasn't good at saying those words. She, of all people, should know that. "She's in the bedroom."

Well, he'd better go and make this right. But what the hell was he going to say? She thought he didn't care. That upset him that she'd think that.

"Chapel..."

She stood up and smiled brilliantly at him. "Just be honest." Her faith in him gave him the courage he needed.

He knocked on her bedroom door and entered. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, feet dangling over the edge, and watching him warily.

"Hi dad."

"Hi Joanna." He sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry I ran away dad. Don't be angry." She was watching his face with tears in her eyes.

He sighed, put an arm around her and hugged her. "I'm not angry, Joanna. But I was worried when you ran off like that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I think you misunderstood what I was saying." He swallowed. "Don't think that I don't care about you – because I do. You're the most important person in my life."

"Really?"

"Really. Because of that I was worried about bringing you here, because sometimes the ship runs into trouble, and I don't like the idea of you being in danger. Do you understand that?"

"I think so." She looked at him sideways. "So I'll never be able to come and live on the ship with you?"

"Why would you want to?"

"Mum's sending me away to school. I'd much rather come and live with you. I'd be good – I promise. I'd help around the sickbay and be nice to the patients, and I'm sure that I'd learn tons more here than at school."

He chuckled and pulled her close. "I'm sure you would, and I would love to have you live with me, Joanna. But as I said, it's not safe here. If it was, I'd have you here without a thought."

She gave him a sad look. "Christine says that maybe I'll like the school."

"She's probably right. She is about most things."

"She says that you often say what you don't mean."

"Is that so?" He wondered if that was true.

"Yes." They lapsed into silence. "Dad."

"Yes Joanna?"

"Have you noticed that Christine smells of pear drops?" So she'd noticed that too? The smell was strong in here, where she slept. It was reassuring that it wasn't all in his head.

"Yes I have."

"Oh." She stroked the hair on his arm absently, and he could tell she still had a lot on her mind.

"Joanna, you weren't the reason your mother and I broke up you know?"

"Then what was?"

He sighed. "We just drifted apart, and your mother fell in love with Henry. The one thing we had in common was caring a lot about you. It was why we both fought so hard for you."

"When I was little I used to hope that you'd get back together." She told him quietly.

"Do you not now?"

"No. Mum and Henry are happy, and I remember you both arguing lots when I was little. So maybe it's better. Do you still love mum?"

Now there was a question. "I still care about her, Joanna. Mostly because she gave me you."

"But you don't love her like your wife?"

"No."

"Oh." She sat up and hugged him around the neck.

"Shall we find Christine?" He asked once he'd let her go. He wondered how such a wonderful child could be his.

"Alright." She took his hand with a smile, and they walked out of Chapel's bedroom.

"Is everything alright?" Christine asked them, scanning both their faces, and smiling softly in a way that made his heart speed up.

"Yes." Joanna grinned at her, and some unspoken female knowledge seemed to pass between them.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on Joanna. We've taken up enough of Nurse Chapel's evening."

"Are you not coming with us?" Joanna looked disappointed and glanced at him. Clearly she had formed a bond with her. To his surprise, he found he felt happy about that – that his daughter cared about her too.

"You know Chapel, I've got that security footage I could use your help with." He wondered if he was being obvious. Still, there was that constant desire to have her close.

She smiled somewhat hesitantly, and he thought she might say no. "Okay. Well if you need my help?"

"He does." Joanna answered for him before he could open his mouth, and he gave her a look.

"Well then." She picked up her PADDs with a slight smile. "Shall we?"

She followed down the corridor and back to his quarters. It occurred to him that it was getting late, and that Joanna had had a busy day. "You should get ready for bed, Joanna. It's late and your mother said I wasn't to keep you up."

"Mum says you never listen to her." She frowned at him.

"I always listen to her - I don't always agree. But I do today. On you go." She scowled at him in a way that almost made him laugh, but when she saw he wasn't going to change his mind, went and got ready for bed. He heard Christine laughing softly as she sat on his sofa. It made him want to go and wrap his arms around her. Instead he went and loaded the security footage on his computer.

The image was stationary on Powell's door. "I don't think this is going to be interesting viewing, Chapel." He told her with a frown. Three weeks of this image. Excellent.

"It's fine, I brought reading." She held up the personnel reports. Oh hell, that was no better.

"A thrilling night for the both of us."

"Well, at least your sofa is more comfortable that your office chairs." She grinned at him and he couldn't help but sit down next to her. The sensible part of his brain ensured it was at a respectable distance.

"You've never complained about the chairs before." He frowned at her. Had she been uncomfortable all those evenings they'd worked together?

"Would it have made a difference if I had?"

"Maybe." He didn't know who he was supposed to talk to about getting new chairs – but Jim would know. They could have always worked in his quarters instead. The sensible voice in his mind reminded him that that would have never worked. For a start he would have never been able to resist her.

She laughed at him. "Liar." He frowned at her.

"Dad? Can I borrow your toothbrush?" Joanna came out dressed in her pyjamas.

"There's a spare one by the sink." He turned to her. "Did you forget yours?"

"Yep."

"Did you forget anything else?" Surely her mother had helped her to pack?

"I don't know. I won't until I need it, will I?"

He chuckled. Her form of logic would bewilder Spock. "Fine. I'm sure Grandma will give you what you need when you get to hers."

"Yep."

Chapel gave him an amused look, and he wasn't sure how to react to it. "Something funny Chapel?"

She shook her head, a light bright in her eyes. "Not really. It's just strange, seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "Fatherly." She couldn't imagine him as a father before? But clearly she seemed to like him like this. That was interesting.

He smiled at her, and tried to keep the bitterness out of it. "Well, I haven't done a very good job of it so far." His limited success was largely down to her. He'd never expected her to be quite so good with his daughter.

"I don't think you're doing so badly."

"Don't patronise me." There was no way she could seriously think that. His daughter had turned up in tears at her door after all.

"I wasn't."

"Well it sure sounded like it."

"Dad, why are you arguing with Christine?" Joanna's voice piped from behind him. He rolled his eyes, then turned to her.

"I wasn't."

"That's what it sounded like." She was frowning at him in an irritating way that resembled her mother.

"Your father and I were just discussing something. He doesn't believe what I say very often." Christine told her with a smile.

"That's not very nice. Why don't you trust her?" Joanna folded her arms.

"Hell, I do trust her." More than anyone else he'd ever met.

"Then you should believe what she says."

Damn. Beaten by his eight-year-old. Good grief. He risked a glance at Chapel, who raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement that his daughter had a point. Women. There was no reasoning with them. "Time for bed Joanna."

"Are you going to tuck me in?"

"Do you want me to?"

"You don't have to." What did that mean? That she didn't want him to but felt she should ask, or that she didn't want him to, but didn't want him to feel obliged? He glanced at Chapel, who gave him a minute nod.

"Well I should. Come on." Joanna smiled at him, and he knew he'd made the right decision.

"Joanna, how did you know where my quarters were?" Chapel asked softly.

"Uncle Jim told me."

What? "Uncle Jim? Da-." He managed to catch himself. "That is where did you see the captain?"

"Near here. I asked him where Christine's was and he walked me there. He was nice. He said he'd always wanted to be someone's uncle Jim." Damn it. Why the hell didn't Jim say he'd seen her? Uncle Jim indeed.

"I see."

"I should think that if he's still nice when I'm older I might marry him." Joanna said thoughtfully. Like hell she would. He wasn't going to have his daughter being another of James Kirk's conquests.

"Joanna, I can honestly say that you will only marry Captain Kirk over my dead body."

"Why?" Damn, she had to ask questions.

"Your uncle Jim is not very nice to women."

"The nurses say that he's really nice." She pointed out, and Christine started to laugh. Hell, she wasn't helping. This was the sort of conversation women should have.

"He's not the marrying type either." It was hardly like he could explain Jim's reputation of loving and leaving a string of women.

Joanna shrugged, unbothered. "I'm sure I'd make him change his mind. But then I might not have time for boys when I'm grown up."

"Let's hope not." He wasn't sure how he could cope with that.

"Well goodnight Christine."

"Night Joanna."

He followed her into his room, and pulled back the covers. "Dad?"

"Yes Joanna?"

"I drew you a picture. It's on my case."

He pulled out the piece of paper. It was a charcoal drawing of a picture of them both taken the last time he'd seen her, by the ocean. It was, in a word, excellent.

"You did this?"

"Yep." Hell, no wonder her mother wanted her to take drawing lessons. Maybe he was wrong to want her to follow him into science. She clearly had her mother's artistic talent.

"This is excellent, Joanna."

"Really? It took me a whole week. I had to start again twice because I couldn't get your eyes right and I didn't want mum to help."

"They look right now." He put it next to his bed. "You've done well. You must be working hard on your art. I'm proud of you." She smiled at him genuinely and threw her arms around him. He hugged her back for a moment. "Now into bed, miss."

"Ok." She pulled the covers over her and he tucked her in.

"Can I meet your friends tomorrow dad?" She asked him.

"You've met most of them. I'm sure your uncle Jim will want to see you again." Cleary the man was determined to get to know her.

"How about Commander Spock?"

Spock did not come under the friend category. "We'll see."

"Adults always say that when they mean no."

He chuckled. "Well, I'd like to say no, but I have the feeling you might twist my arm, so I'm not going to rule anything out." She laughed, and he kissed her on the forehead. "Sleep well, Joanna. I'll be right outside if you need me." He had the feeling she wouldn't need him. She wasn't the small child he'd used to put to bed and would get up ten times a night. She was growing up – and he'd missed so much already.

"Night dad."

He closed the door quietly, and sat back down next to Chapel, who searched his face with those blue eyes.

"Everything alright?"

"Fine. She's just growing up fast." And he wasn't there.

"Children have a habit of doing that." She pointed out with a smile. "She'll be bringing home boys before you know it."

Oh hell. "She'd better not be. Now, let's get this over with." He began to scan through the file. It was tedious work, and after an hour and only a week of data, he grew frustrated. Then he saw something that changed things.

"Look at this Chapel. Computer, identify the people in this scene."

The computer beeped. "Ensign Julie Powell and Engineer Nicos Argenn."

They looked at one another. "They knew each other?" Christine asked slowly.

"Apparently so. Have you got Argenn's last report there?" He had a bad feeling about this.

"Yes – but it's incomplete. You wanted to follow him up, remember?"

"Damn it. I was meant to." Argenn – the perfect spy. Whose only flaw was a gut feeling he felt when he was with him. "Chapel, you're not thinking what I am, are you?"

"I think I might be."

"It's awfully convenient that Powell works in communication – and we find out about the messages and she turns up in the sickbay a few hours later." They'd been working together. Elizabeth had told him that Powell's assailant could manipulate her to do anything – and a spy would need an accomplice in communications to make this work.

"But there have been other times." She said slowly. "It really might have been coincidence."

He looked down at his PADD. The other times Julie had ended up in the sickbay... oh hell. They stood out. Especially the time just following Exo – when they had been attacked by the Romulans. He had the feeling they'd find a transmission from around then too.

"I don't think so." He decided not to voice his theories to her. He didn't want her to worry. "There's something about Argenn that's not quite right."

"You think he's been attacking her?"

"He's certainly strong enough. And his answers during my assessment were textbook."

"What do we do now?" She asked him quietly.

He shook his head. "I'll need to speak to Jim. Someone needs to keep an eye on him."

"I'd do it in person if I was you."

"Why?"

"Well, if there's two of them, there might be more, and if they can encode something so deeply that Scott is struggling with it I'd bet that they have their ear on the comms."

"Damn it." He hadn't thought of that. "I'll speak to him first thing tomorrow."

"I'll come and take Joanna to the sickbay early if you wish. We have the meeting at 0900, and I can find something for her to do while we're there."

She always thought of everything. It hadn't even occurred to him to think what he'd do with Joanna tomorrow morning. "That would be good." He leaned back. "Hell, I just want two more quiet days." No spies, or attacks, or aliens. Just for two days. Just until Joanna was out of harm's way.

"Well there's no reason why they shouldn't be. Doctor, these people have been on the ship for months. There's no reason why they'd suddenly act now." He wished he could believe her. But there was something else – some reason why Starfleet were here. And the person who'd put Powell in hospital was clearly getting desperate. If he knew that they suspected him, who knows what he would do? They fell into silence and he began to feel the panic settle into his chest.

"I saw Zuvolt earlier." Chapel quietly commented.

Oh hell. This again. "How's Kier?"

"To be expected. Did you see her?"

"Yes. The baby's fine, and she agreed to leave."

"She didn't have much choice." There was no reprimand in her voice, but it felt like one. Hell, she still didn't see why this was necessary.

"No she didn't. At least Zuvolt's not making more problems for us." He'd actually been rather pragmatic about the whole thing – and agreed that the best place for Kier was on Earth. It had made him feel worse.

"He's going to struggle after she's gone though. It won't be easy to be far away from Kier, especially when the baby is born." Clearly Chapel could see already what the man was going through.

"Plenty of Starfleet couples manage it." She frowned at him. "However, I've spoken to Starfleet about getting Zuvolt relocated to Earth. Even if I pull strings, it won't be immediate, but he should hopefully be there before the baby's born."

The smile she gave him made the four hours he'd spent last night calling in favours worth it. "I knew you would."

He wasn't sure what to say. The look she was giving him was making it very hard to think clearly, and his body was telling him to kiss her. "Well, it puts us in a difficult position. We're going to have to find a new doctor."

"We'll manage." She said promptly.

He shrugged. "I suppose." Things weren't going to be easy. But she'd be there to help him. She always was. He loved her for that.

"I should go." She said slowly.

"Yes. Get some sleep." Before he stopped her from leaving. She stood up and he followed suit. "Thank you for your help with everything today, Chapel." She always was cleaning up his messes.

She smiled at him softly. "You don't have to thank me, doctor. I enjoyed spending time with Joanna."

Joanna. How the hell had he said she shouldn't have children? She was the most natural mother he'd ever met. "Even so – what I said before..." He struggled to find the right words. Apologising wasn't his strong suit. "That is, I think you'd be an excellent mother, Chapel."

The look she gave him was so sad that for a moment he thought he'd said something wrong. Then she reached up and kissed him on the cheek, and he felt the heat of her wash through him. "Goodnight doctor." She said quietly.

"Goodnight Chapel."

And somehow he managed to let her walk out of that door.


	35. Chapter 14 Part III Joanna Christine

14. Joanna – Christine

Part III

_Let's start to lay the puzzle pieces. I hope you've been paying attention. Maybe you can see what's coming since I've been leaving hints – but I hope I haven't become too predictable! I like the song Fall Away by The Fray for this but I'll take suggestions. Sorry I've put this up alone. I'm still working on a couple of things for McCoy's POV. Thanks for reading and reviewing._

She didn't sleep. She couldn't. She was often restless as night, that was nothing new, but tonight was worse than normal. Because try as she might she couldn't turn her thoughts from him. She wondered whether this was what it felt like to be insane. She got up and sat at her desk in the darkness. She had been on this ship for eight months. In that time she had changed. And it terrified her. When she had come aboard she was so in control – but he had, from day one, made her feel things that scared her. Then she had managed to fall in love with him. How could she not have? Now she was destined to spend the next four years taking the consolation prize – watching for his every smile, leaning into his every touch, and never having him. And why was that? Because she wasn't sure of his feelings? The Christine Chapel that had once left Earth at twenty-one would have never sat here waiting for a sign that he cared for her. She would have marched to his door, kissed him, and dealt with the consequences. But she had done that with Roger – and he had damaged her. The bold, fearless girl that she had once been was gone. Now she was simply a broken woman that tried not to think too much about her feelings, because they hurt, and because she was all too aware of their consequences. Because she'd honestly never felt so deeply for anyone in her life – and that gave him power over her, which meant she needed to trust him. Which she wasn't sure she did. So instead, she sat in the darkness, watching the stars stream past and waiting for a sign from him that would never come. In a few hours she would get up and dressed as she always did, and knock on his door and spend more time with his daughter, who she was perilously close to falling in love with too, and stand in his lab, and speak to her patients, and all the while try to ignore the constant awareness she had for his every move, and the way he smiled at her and sometimes stood too close. But tonight, with only the stars as her witness, she would remember every look, every breath, his hands in her hair and his lips moving on hers in the rain.

"Good morning." The doctor's door slid open at exactly 0800, and she took in the bags under his eyes and the tension in his face, whilst trying, and very much failing, to ignore the fact he was shirtless and beautiful. He had a lot to worry about these days. So did she, if she allowed herself to think about it. Which she didn't because right now all that mattered was the small girl in his room and the list of things she needed to do today.

"I don't see what's so good about it." He frowned at her, making her smile, and allowed her into his room.

"Hi Christine." Joanna was sitting on the sofa eating cereal and sent her a desperate look as soon as her father walked into the bathroom. "Will you help me?" She whispered, and indicated to her hair. It was a mess in the same way that her father's resembled this morning, and made her smile. She sat down next to her and swiftly plaited it.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked as she tied it down and allowed the girl to examine herself in the mirror.

"I was ok. I got a bit sick in the night and dad had to hypospray me, and then I was fine."

"You often notice it more when you're lying still." She agreed with a smile.

"That's what dad said. I don't think he ever sleeps – he was awake when I got up."

"He often has a lot on his mind."

"Like what?"

"All sorts of things." Spies, Jim, the ship, his patients, his daughter… She wondered sometimes how he bore the weight. She knew he didn't share it all with her, that he kept most of his worries to himself.

"I think he's sad." Joanna sat down beside her again.

"Sad? Why's that?" Was he worrying about Joanna? She wished that he'd talk to her about how he was feeling sometimes.

"He just looked sad last night. I asked why, but he didn't tell me."

"Well I'm sure if there's anyone who could have cheered him up it would be you."

Joanna grinned at her, then looked at her curiously. "How do you put your hair up so neatly on your own?"

"Lots of practise."

"Do you think I could learn it?"

"Of course."

"Will you show me how to later?"

"If you like."

"Great! What are we doing this morning?"

"Well I need to supervise the handover."

"What's that?"

"It's where the nurses on the last shift go through any patients in the sickbay, and what's happened with them overnight so that we know what to do this morning. After that we'll find something fun for you to do while I'm at the meeting."

"Will my dad be at the meeting too?"

"Yes."

"Can't I stay with you then? I'll be quiet, I promise. I'll just sit at the back."

She laughed softly. "I'm sure you would, but it won't be very interesting, and it shouldn't last too long. I'm sure you'll enjoy being with the other nurses and Doctor Seams lots more."

"Maybe. Then you'll both be back?"

"That's right."

"Ok." She smiled at her brightly. "Doctor Seams says he'll show me how to use a dermal regenerator today."

"Why the hell would you ever need to use a dermal regenerator?" McCoy came out of the bathroom drying his hair. His daughter frowned at him.

"Well I think it sounds like a useful idea." Christine said evenly, and threw him a warning look that made him roll his eyes. She was a strong believer in educating everyone in first aid, and it looked like Joanna was desperate to impress her father by knowing it.

"Maybe you should train Hylara to use one before you start with Joanna." He scowled at her.

"And maybe you should brush your hair." She retorted calmly. They were going to a meeting with three Starfleet Admirals – and he was the CMO of the Enterprise.

He threw her a dirty look and muttered "Tyrant," but obediently retreated back into the bathroom as Joanna giggled.

"Get ready to go Joanna. You'd best not make Nurse Chapel late." He called grumpily.

"Just need to find my shoes." She jumped up and ran to the bedroom as he came out again, looking far more presentable.

"Much better." She told him with an honest smile. She wished that she didn't find him quite so attractive right now – and that he wasn't walking closer to her.

"Let's not pretend like anyone gives a damn what I look like Chapel."

"I do." She said without thinking, then tried very hard not to blush.

"Is that so?" He folded his arms and gave her a penetrating look.

"Yes. You represent our whole staff after all." She kept her voice calm.

He rolled his eyes. "_We_ represent it Chapel, and we both know where the Admiral's eyes are going to be focused – or are you thinking of skipping the meeting?"

"No, I'll be there." She was definitely blushing now. Had that been a compliment?

He smiled at her and the butterflies danced in her stomach. "Good." Maybe it had been. She wasn't sure what to make of it. She also wasn't sure whether she was capable of turning away from the expression in his eyes. Or breathing.

"Ready." Joanna called to them, and he broke their gaze. She swiftly attempted to pull herself together.

"Good." They followed her out of the door and into the corridor. McCoy was looking worried again as he glanced at his daughter. "I'd better go and find Jim. You'll be alright?"

"Yep. We're going to do the handover." The girl smiled at him. Christine felt a wave of affection for her – she could see her father was torn and was making things easier for him.

"Well make sure that my patients are being good. I'll be back soon."

"Ok." She hugged him around the middle, and he smiled slightly.

"I'll see you at the meeting Chapel." He glanced at her.

"Yes."

The girl released him, and he turned in the opposite direction. Joanna took her hand, and Christine was glad. She needed it.

"Christine?" They began to walk to the sickbay.

"Yes?"

"Why does my dad call you Chapel and not Christine?"

"I don't know Joanna. Why do you think?" She guessed it was for the same reason she called him doctor – because she respected him, and because calling him anything else would cross some line they had drawn unconsciously.

"Maybe he thinks Chapel suits you better."

She smiled. "Maybe. Do you think that?"

"No. I think that Christine is the best. I'm going to tell dad that he should call you that."

"I'm not sure he'll listen – but not to worry. I don't mind when it's him."

Joanna gave her a sidelong look and smiled slowly. "Do you have a boyfriend, Christine?"

She glanced at the girl in surprise. "A boyfriend? No I don't have a boyfriend."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm very busy." And also very much in love with her father.

"My dad's busy too. And he doesn't have a girlfriend. Maybe you and him should fall in love."

She laughed. She couldn't help it. Was she trying to matchmake them? She could see McCoy liking that... "You don't decide who you fall in love with, Joanna."

"But don't you think my dad is handsome?"

"I suppose..."

"And you like him, and he likes you."

"Like is very different from love." She pointed out.

"That's what dad said too."

She felt herself pause. "You've spoken to your father about this?"

"Yep." Well that explained a lot.

"Joanna, your father and I are very good friends but we could never be more than that – there's lots of regulations against it." The girl looked somewhat downcast. She knew that feeling well. "That doesn't mean that I don't care about him."

"Do you love him?" Joanna gave her a penetrating look and she felt suddenly vulnerable.

"Here we are." They arrived at the sickbay just in time and she was saved from answering. Telling her feelings to McCoy's daughter was not a good idea – especially if she didn't want him to find out about them. Luckily the bustle of the sickbay seemed to distract Joanna too, and they spent the next hour organising various things and checking on patients. At 0855 she left her with Doctor Seams and made her way to the meeting.

The ready room was busy. Jim sat at the front with the three admirals, and Plat the Illyrian. She was the last in and Jim gave her a grin as she swiftly took a seat next to the doctor and Scott.

"She's fine." She whispered, when McCoy gave her a look of askance. He nodded and they both turned as Admiral Pike cleared his throat.

"Right, let's get down to business. As you all know me, I'm not going to bother introducing myself, but this is Admiral Chapman, head of Starfleet Intelligence; Admiral Brooks, his deputy; and Plat, who has been working undercover for Starfleet Intelligence for some years." She glanced in surprise at Sulu, who was looking equally shocked at that pronouncement. He was an intelligence agent? Was that why he'd been at the Institute? "I appreciate you all being so patient over the last few days – I know that your experience at the Daystrom Institute wasn't pleasant for anyone, and that you'll undoubtedly have questions, but if you could save them for the end that would be appreciated." The Admiral picked up a datapad, and frowned slightly. If she didn't know him better, she would have thought the man was nervous. What did he have to tell them that made him nervous?

"Admiral Chapman. Would you like to continue?"

The elderly gentleman nodded, stood stiffly, and began in a rasping voice. "Almost eight months ago the Enterprise rescued two Tellerite Ambassadors whilst docked and undergoing repairs. The ambassadors were apparently fleeing a hoard of Romulan ships after disappearing on the surface of Romulus. In fact, the ambassadors were keepers of a few very important pieces of information, which would have died with them had Kirk and McCoy not beamed over to the ship to pull them out." He gave a nod to them both. Jim frowned but returned it. McCoy didn't move, but she felt him stiffen beside her. He beamed over to a ship travelling at warp? Wasn't that on her first day? No wonder he'd been tightly wound. He hadn't told her that he'd done that – but then she was beginning to think that there were a lot of things that happened in his life that he didn't tell her about.

"The information that they provided was concerning a group that call themselves I'sorta Prime." She heard several indrawn breaths, but the name meant nothing to her. "As many of you are aware, this group claimed responsibility for the bombings on Lepta last year that killed almost thirty-thousand people." He flipped a button, and the screen filled with images of smoke, injured people, and row after row of the dead. She felt herself grow cold. "The Intelligence agencies have heard rumblings of such anti-Federation groups for some time, but the proof that the ambassadors carried confirmed three things that we had suspected – that this group was extremely organised – far more organised and on a larger scale than you would usually find, second there are more than thirty different species involved with the I'sorta, and finally that they were planning to mount a widespread attack on multiple planets to attempt to bring the Federation to its knees – attacks that would make Lepta look like a warm-up ." She digested this information slowly. So the masked people at the Institute were I'sorta? It explained why they had all been different species when she had removed the mask. He was right when he'd said that they were organised – she'd never seen soldiers from different species work so well together. And the man with the golden eyes? What was he? And why had he wanted her? "Consequently we sent several intelligence officers under cover to find out more information. Plat – being Illyrian – succeeded where most others failed due to his species obviously anti-Federation's beliefs."

"Which aren't of course, mirrored by Plat himself." Admiral Pike interrupted softly. Plat gave him a thankful nod, and Sulu grinned at him.

Admiral Chapman gave him a look of disdain before continuing. "Quite. He found out that there was to be a meeting of ships in the Neutral Zone – a recruitment and planning meeting if you will. However, we were unable to get anyone there – so we planted a probe in the hope that we might at least be able to identify the ships involved and go from there." She saw McCoy give the captain a significant look. Clearly something he said was familiar. "A month later we requested that the probe be picked up by the Enterprise, after it had drifted into Klingon territory. Your ship managed to succeed in this endeavour with very little bloodshed." She saw McCoy's hands make fists and touched his arm to calm him. She could still remember the faces of those they'd lost that day. She knew he could too. It would have been more had he not been there. The Admiral continued unknowingly. "The information we found from the probe allowed us to track some key players. However, so far, the group have always been one step ahead of us. I'm sure that most of you know of the events that Doctor McCoy faced on Brinda V." She felt herself freeze. _Brinda_ was to do with this? It hadn't simply been an Orion plot? A small voice told her that of course it hadn't been. She hadn't really thought that – not deep down. Not when she considered the scale it had been on. "Such attempts to bring the Federation into disrepute are widespread, and anti-Federation sentiment has never been higher. In the last three months sixteen planets have ceased negotiations for admittance into the Federation, and at least three planets are considering pulling out of the treaty. We fear that this is only the beginning. Pike." He handed back over, and Pike nodded.

"I'm not going to mince words here. Daystrom has followed a pattern of events across the galaxy – but this was the first event involving Starfleet personnel. Things are getting serious. These people have an agenda and they chose the Institute for a reason. Many of the members have no reason to like the Federation. We're not just talking personal – but also planet-wide grievances. These people are armed, they have ships, and government backing. They also have shown that they are quite happy to kill. They are – in every meaning of the word – terrorists. Intelligence has told us that the next target is Earth. We don't know how – or what yet, but we're bringing the Enterprise back to help support our defences. They know that Earth is the key to the Federation. If it falls, the Federation will too. We need to make sure that doesn't happen." There was silence. An attack on Earth? No one had tried to attack Earth in hundreds of years. But if they situation really was on the scale that was suggested – and she was beginning to feel it was – then they were talking about war.

"Alright – time for questions." Pike looked across their faces, pausing, for a second too long, on hers.

"Admiral – you said that this people have an agenda. Would you please clarify what this is exactly?" Spock asked calmly on the other side of the table. She sometimes wished she were Vulcan – especially now, when her heart was pounding in her chest.

"In the short term, we believe it is to bring down the Federation. However, ultimately we aren't too sure." Chapman told them. "There are rumours of establishing a new government in its place."

The Vulcan tilted his head, and she saw him glance at McCoy. "Does the name I'sorta carry the significance that the Romulans give it?"

"I don't know what you mean." The Admiral frowned.

"_I'sorta_ – literally translated from Romulan, means perfect place. It carries the same significance as the Human ideal of Utopia." Uhura told them. _Utopia._ The word echoed in her mind in another voice, and she felt something in her still. Utopia.

Pike seemed uncomfortable. "Perhaps." She had the feeling that meant yes – and that they'd been perfectly aware of the meaning of the word the whole time. "Any more questions?"

"Why choose the Institute?" The captain asked with a frown. She knew from his face that he had several theories of his own.

"As Commander Spock I'm sure will agree, it is a logical place to do a great deal of damage to multiple species involved with the Federation, especially in a new facility that is all about Federation co-working." Pike said calmly. "Plus the Tellerite ambassadors were present. It would be a good place for revenge." He paused as if deciding whether to say something else, then gave her a level look. She should have been surprised that he did. She wasn't. Neurones in her mind were connecting at an alarming speed. "There is also another reason why the Institute would be-."

"Need to know, Pike." Chapman interrupted him with a glare, and the Admiral fell silent, eyes still on her. A strange feeling – perhaps panic – was beginning to rise in her.

"If this is the same group from Lepta, why are we still alive?" Jim continued to ask. He was clearly more used than the rest of them to the evasive politics of Starfleet Command.

"As we understand it, the group were planning to use the captured people as hostages – most probably as bargaining chips for information." Chapman said. Clearly Pike wasn't trusted to answer anymore.

"But it wouldn't have been hard to beam us out of there – that was what happened in fact." Sulu pointed out. "Why chose a place that is so poorly defensible?"

Chapman frowned. "I couldn't say." But he could, she knew. Because she could. Because he was lying. They hadn't been planning to use them as hostages. They were planning to let them go all along. It was why it had been so easy. It was merely a distraction for something else entirely. She felt Plat's eyes on hers and met them. The look he gave her confirmed her fears. She was right.

"Anything else?" There was silence. "Good. If you would-."

"Are the Katarreans involved?" McCoy broke in suddenly, asking the one question she had been too scared to ask herself.

"The Katarreans?" Chapman was giving him an appraising look. "Why would you ask that – McCoy isn't it?"

"Just answer the question." McCoy growled at him, then added an afterthought. "Sir."

Chapman was frowning at him, and they stared at each other across the table. McCoy was angry – she could tell, even with his face blank there was that fire in his eyes. And she was beginning to feel sick.

A quiet new voice spoke into the silence. "The Katarreans are an interesting people. Few have ever seen one in this quadrant – since they can cloak their bodies as well as their ships." Admiral Brooks looked carefully at McCoy. "However, we do have information that the leader of the I'sorta is a Katarrean. Very few people know that doctor – I won't tell you how many people died for it. So I wonder why you would think they are involved?"

McCoy said nothing. She knew if he did he would have to tell them about her. About the man with the golden eyes. The man who was coming back for her. The leader of the I'sorta. But why shouldn't he tell them everything? She wondered whether it was for the same reason that glued her mouth shut.

"Very well. You and I shall talk later, Doctor." McCoy scowled at him menacingly, and she had a feeling it wouldn't be an interview the Admiral would enjoy.

She knew there was only one reason why anyone would be interested in her. Just one. She felt McCoy take her hand under the table. It was warm, and he ran his thumb over her knuckles. She felt the panic subside slightly. He knew. He had to know what this meant – and he was still taking her hand. She had never loved a person more in her life.

Jim grinned hard at the men. "Well, thank you gentlemen, for the briefing you've given us. We understand how hard it is for Starfleet to reveal even a few of their secrets to the masses. The ship will be prepared for battle by the time we reach Earth." Chapman clearly wasn't sure what to make of Kirk, so nodded. Brook's face was blank, and Pike looked like he was going to laugh.

"We'll need a word with you – Kirk. I hear that you've got a bit of a situation here on the ship." Pike gave him a significant look, and Jim nodded.

"Well, if you've heard about it, I wonder who else has." He turned to the rest. "Spock – if you could oversee our preparations?"

"Yes sir."

"Excellent. Sulu – the security we discussed…?"

"It's in place, sir."

"Good. Alright, the rest of you, dismissed."

She stood slowly, dropping McCoy's hand. McCoy remained seated, and she noticed Jim was nodding to him. He knew something else. She felt sure of it as he stood up abruptly and approached the captain. Was it to do with the spies on the ship? Or something else entirely?

"Nurse Chapel?" The Illyrian was walking towards her, face severe.

"Plat. You are well?"

"Yes. My thanks." He paused.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" She asked him, feeling something tip her intuition.

"Yes. But know I am bound not to say it." He glanced at the Admirals, clearly torn. Illyrians had a strong sense of honour, similar to Klingons she recalled.

"I see. But you would wish to?"

"Yes. I owe you a debt for freeing my people on Daystrom."

"There is no debt, Plat. Please don't think there is. If I hadn't freed you someone else would have."

"Perhaps. Know this, and remember, Christine Chapel. I will be watching you."

""What do you mean-."

"Come on Chapel, let's go and find my daughter." McCoy interrupted coarsely, and when she turned back to Plat he was talking to Sulu. What had that meant? And why would he need to?

"Of course." She replied smoothly. The time to go to pieces had been and gone. She was far beyond that now.

They walked side-by-side to the sickbay in silence. She wasn't sure she could break it because she wasn't sure what she could say. Joanna was pleased to see them when they entered, and she pushed every thought away and embraced the girl.

"Are you alright?" She looked at her with those big brown eyes, the same as her father's, and she felt something in her shake.

"I'm just fine." She lied. "I see you've been busy."

"Yep. I got to see Nurse Kier's baby. How great is that?" She looked up and noticed that Kier and Zuvolt were both there, chatting with the other staff. Saying goodbye. Kier would leave tomorrow.

"That's lovely."

"It's a boy. Doctor Zuvolt says he's always wanted a son."

"Zuvolt would be happy with whatever he had." McCoy said, somewhat offhandedly. She felt his eyes on her.

"I'm sure he would." She agreed. "I'd best say goodbye." She pulled herself together hard, and took the nurse aside. Kier was in a better mood than she had been for some time, but she still spent almost an hour drying her tears, assuring her of the help available on Earth, and explaining how McCoy was in the process of transferring Zuvolt. She cried when she found that out. Christine didn't blame her.

"Now, I have some things I need to do, Helen. Take as much time as you need here. We're all going to miss you a lot."

"I'll miss you all too." She was crying again, and she had to stop tears coming to her own eyes. They were sending her to Earth because Earth was supposed to be safer. But with what they'd just found out, was it really? "Nurse Chapel, I just wanted to thank you. You've been so good, and so supportive. I wouldn't know what I would have done if you hadn't been Head Nurse."

She hugged her. "You would have done just as good. You're strong, Helen. More than you know. Now make sure you drop in before you leave."

"Yes. Of course."

There were a long list of jobs that needed done on her list, but she left them, and went to the lab. She was feeling… she wasn't sure what she was feeling. She began to check and calibrate the equipment. She needed to clear her mind. She was a professional and she needed a time out. She wasn't sure how long she'd been in there when she felt his eyes on her. She hadn't heard him come in – she'd been absorbed in her work, and the swirling thoughts in her mind. Utopia. Golden eyes. A plan. Roger. The sound of her scanner hitting the floor pulled her to consciousness. She dropped it. She never dropped things.

"Chapel? Are you alright?" His voice was quiet and seemed a long way away.

"Fine." She bent down to pick it up. It was in pieces and she dropped some of them. "Damn it." She whispered. Now she was going to have to put it back together again.

She watched him come towards her, and he bent down and picked up the pieces. Then he took her hand, palm up, and put them on it. She felt his eyes on his face and couldn't meet them. She stared at the pieces on her hand.

"Chapel. Talk to me." He was standing very close. She wouldn't have to move much to be in his arms. But something still made her freeze.

"What about?"

"You know what about."

She took a breath. "Do you think that there are consequences for every action, doctor?" The question that had been in her mind for a long time. The question she'd been too scared to voice.

"Yes." Because she'd known his answer.

"Do you think we can ever leave the past behind?" No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, the past always seemed to find her.

"Only sometimes, Chapel." He was moving closer. She could feel the heat of him, the electricity coming off him.

"You know, I've always thought that the past was important. That it makes us into the people we are."

"You're right. It does." He had cupped her cheek.

"But now I don't know whether it makes me strong or weak. Because all I want to do is forget."

"Forgetting doesn't help, Chapel. I've tried forgetting. Sometimes acceptance is the only way."

"I've never been good at that." She admitted.

"That's because you're damn stubborn."

She laughed softly. "_I'm_ stubborn?" Said the most stubborn man she'd ever met.

"Yes you are. And you won't ever let someone help you."

"I don't need any help." He tilted her face to meet his eyes. They were amused and intense. She wondered suddenly what had induced him to reach out to her now, after staying away from her for so long. She was grateful for whatever it was.

"My point exactly. You're good at offering help, but you never accept it."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't." He frowned at her and bit off her next retort. "Stop arguing with me."

She laughed. "She was beginning to feel better, and it wasn't just his hands on her face that were doing it. "You know, I wonder how I managed to get into this mess sometimes."

"Only sometimes? That's my thought every morning."

"I'm just an innocent nurse with an angel-of-mercy complex, trying to keep a sickbay working." She quoted him, smiling. "I wouldn't scare a fly."

"You terrify me." His voice was so earnest that she wasn't sure what to do, because she wanted to kiss him so much it hurt. She dropped the pieces of the scanner again and wrapped her arms around him. He held her back tightly. There was so much unsaid between them. The subjects that neither of them wanted to raise. That she was involved with all this somehow. That the past was coming back to haunt her. That somehow she might have started a war. That she loved him. Instead they stood in silence with the pieces of her scanner round about them.

Finally they broke and she felt shaky for an entirely different reason. Instead of moving away he stroked her face, eyes full of an earnestness she'd never seen before. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you Chapel. I promise."

She wanted to warn him not to make promises that he couldn't keep, but those eyes on hers kept her silent as her heart beat hard. She touched his cheek, and leaned into him.

"Nurse Chapel? Doctor McCoy?" Hylara's voice echoed from his office, and she moved away quickly. She could hear McCoy swearing under his breath, and she didn't dare look at him as Hylara finally reached them. "There you are. Sorry to interrupt and all, but I think you should see this."

McCoy frowned and she followed them both. They heard her voice first – Joanna's high voice and then laughter. The girl was sitting in a chair next to Julie Powell stroking her hair. The Ensign was watching her as she said something animatedly, then laughed softly at her.

McCoy exchanged a surprised look with her – the woman that was laughing at his daughter seemed completely different from the withdrawn, beaten woman that had been in their sickbay for the last day. Clearly Hylara shared that view. So did the security officer that had been assigned to her.

McCoy put a hand on Joanna's shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

Joanna grinned at her father impishly. "Yep. I was talking to Julie. She plays the violin like me. Only she's much, much better."

McCoy glanced at the Ensign. "Well, I'm glad you were able to make a new friend." He gave Julie his half-smile. "I hope my daughter hasn't tired you out."

Julie shook her head and gave him a wary look. "No. She's remarkable."

"She's certainly something." He muttered, giving her an amused look. "How are you feeling?"

The wary look on her face intensified, and for a moment she thought that the woman wouldn't answer. Then Joanna took her hand. "Don't worry Julie. Dad's the best doctor around."

Julie gave her a small smile. "I'm feeling better than I did."

"Good."

A whistle at the wall summoned him, and he frowned and she couldn't mistake the worry in his eyes as he answered it.

"McCoy."

"Doctor, the captain needs you on the bridge."

"I'll be right there." He stood frowning at the wall for several seconds. She joined him slowly as Joanna began chatting to the Ensign again.

"Aren't you meant to be going, doctor?"

"Yes." He turned and frowned at her. What was he worried about?

She handed him a medical pack and gave him a smile. "I'll hold the fort."

He nodded. "I know. Keep an eye on Joanna for me."

"Of course."

He met her eyes. "Chapel?"

"Yes?"

"When I get back we need to have a conversation."

She nodded. "I know." He gave her that smile and she watched him leave, pack in hand, shoulders slouching, hand pushing back untameable hair. There was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she watched him. That feeling of premonition that she couldn't quite shake.

Sixteen minutes later the lights went off.


	36. Chapter 14 Part III Joanna McCoy

14. Joanna – McCoy

Part III

_If any of you were wondering about Joanna – I believe she was initially invented between series I and II of TOS as McCoy's daughter and a love interest for Jim. You can imagine how McCoy would have liked that! However, for various reasons, she was always removed from the scripts, and eventually only got a mention in the animated series. The story of her and Jim is one I would really like to tell – the plot is already beginning to fill my head and I think you'll really like it. Joanna is my favourite character and she and Jim will be rather hilarious. Thank you for all the reviews. Things are building to the climax. The next set of chapters are my absolute favourite. Get ready – and thanks for reading._

He paced for almost an hour after she left. He couldn't switch off when he was in this mood, so he made no attempt at sleeping. After a while he sat down on his sofa and poured himself a drink. It didn't help much either. Why the hell was he doing this to himself? He wanted Christine Chapel. A year ago if he wouldn't have believed he would have ever been able to feel this way about a woman again – not after Caroline. But he did – and it was downright terrifying, because he loved her, and after Korby he wasn't sure whether she would be able to reciprocate. And even if she did, there was the problem with his position as CMO. How the hell was he going to deal with that one? This was getting ridiculous now – and he'd risk his own career for her in a heartbeat. But he couldn't ask the same from her. She was built to be a doctor. And he'd had this conversation with himself before. In fact, pretty much every night since she'd come aboard this damn ship. It was enough to drive a man insane. Christine Chapel – beautiful, talented, frustrating, and very much out of reach.

"Daddy?" A small voice came from behind him. Joanna was standing in her pyjamas looking pale and small at the door to his bedroom. He felt a wave of worry. He hadn't heard her call him daddy since she was small.

"Joanna? What's wrong?"

"I don't feel very good."

"Come here." She shuffled over to him and he pulled her onto his knee and felt her head. "You're not hot. Do you just feel sick?"

"Yeah." She laid her head on his chest.

"I think you're just spacesick. Let me find you something." He reached over for his medical pack and pulled out an anti-emetic.

"But I was fine today." She protested sleepily.

"It's often worse when you're lying still. I'm going to give you a hypospray." He pressed it to her neck, then stroked her hair for a few seconds as it took effect. He heard her sigh in relief and smiled. "Better?"

"Yep." She sat still and he continued to stroke her hair. She'd always liked that since she had been a baby. She'd been born with a shock of hair, he recalled – a tiny baby with masses of dark hair and huge eyes that followed him around the room at night when he worked. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

She sat up from him and touched his face. "You look sad."

"I'm not sad." He assured her, but her eyes were searching his. She'd always been perceptive about things, even when she was small. He sighed. "Everyone's sad sometimes, Joanna."

"Is it because of me?"

"It's definitely not because of you."

"Then why? Is it because of Christine?"

Oh hell. He almost laughed. He kissed her on the forehead. "You don't need to worry about me, Joanna."

She frowned at him. "Of course I do." She wrapped her arms around him. "Don't worry dad. You'll always have me to make you happy."

"I'm relying on it."

She lay back down on his chest, and after a few minutes fell asleep. He carried her back to bed and tucked her in. His little girl. What an idiot he was to be missing out on a life with her.

When he finally took to his bed his dreams were haunted by the both – Joanna and Christine, marred by blood and violence and death.

"Oh hell." His doorbell rang at 0800 and he was running late. Joanna had woken him, already dressed and showered, a few minutes ago, and sat happily on his sofa looking amused as she watched him move about his quarters. He opened the door.

"Good morning." Chapel gave him that beautiful smile, and he felt his heart beat hard in response. Damn it. He wished he wouldn't respond so openly to her. Especially when he was half-dressed, preoccupied and she was reading his face with her clear blue eyes.

"I don't see what's so good about it." He muttered but stepped aside so she could enter. It was going to be one hell of a day – he could feel it coming, the worry already gnawing at him. He was going to have to deal with that damn spy – and try to cleave some truth from Jim about what the hell was going on. Putting up with Spock too was just going to be the icing on the cake.

"Hi Christine." Joanna looked pleased to see her, and he entered the bathroom, their voices echoing to the sound of water. He frowned at himself in the mirror, and wondered when he'd started to look so old. He couldn't miss the grey hairs recently. That was what this ship was doing to him. And that wasn't even his biggest stress. He hadn't forgotten about last night – and the fears Joanna had that he didn't want her. He wondered how the hell he could remedy that one when she was leaving tomorrow and he was going to be lightyears away from her again. He had always been a man of action, not words, and that was certainly doing him no favours. He pulled on his shirt and opened the door, drying off his wet hair.

"Doctor Seams says he'll show me how to use a dermal regenerator today." Joanna was telling Chapel happily. Good grief. Seams, as per usual, wasn't teaching anything useful.

"Why the hell would you ever need to use a dermal regenerator?" He asked her. He hoped she'd never be in a position when she'd need to use one. Certainly not at the age of eight.

"Well I think it sounds like a useful idea." Chapel responded, giving him a warning look as Joanna frowned at him. She would.

"Maybe you should train Hylara to use one before you start with Joanna." He scowled at her.

"And maybe you should brush your hair." Her voice was calm, but there was an edge in her eyes. She never liked it when he criticised her nurses. And he couldn't argue with her when Joanna was there – she'd already told him off once for that and he had a feeling she'd take Christine's side anyway. Damn it.

"Tyrant." He muttered, and went back to the bathroom to flatten his hair. He heard Joanna giggle and frowned. "Get ready to go Joanna. You'd best not make Nurse Chapel late."

"Just need to find my shoes." She called to him. He could hear her in the bedroom when he came out.

Chapel smiled at him again. "Much better." He noticed she looked tired. Was he working her too hard? When was the last time she'd had a day off? Probably the last time he did.

"Let's not pretend like anyone gives a damn what I look like Chapel."

"I do." She was blushing slightly.

"Is that so?" Now that was interesting. She rarely blushed. He attempted to read her face. Why would she care about how he looked?

"Yes. You represent our whole staff after all." He rolled his eyes and attempted to ignore the feeling of disappointment. What was he expecting? His aging body deserved a kinder owner. Chapel on the other hand...

"_We_ represent it Chapel, and we both know where the Admiral's eyes are going to be focused – or are you thinking of skipping the meeting?"

"No, I'll be there." She blushed and he almost laughed. Always so ignorant of her effects on men.

"Good." He wondered what she'd do if he showed her exactly what effect she had on him. It was certainly tempting – especially when she was looking at him with that expression in her eyes.

"Ready." Joanna called and he swiftly broke his gaze. Best not go there.

"Good." He followed her out and felt his heart grow progressively heavier. He was abandoning his daughter again. "I'd better go and find Jim. You'll be alright?" Later he promised himself that he'd spend some better time with her.

"Yep. We're going to do the handover." She didn't look too upset, which made him feel marginally better. He'd make it up to her somehow. He'd even introduce her to Spock if she still wanted it. He hoped she didn't.

"Well make sure that my patients are being good. I'll be back soon."

"Ok." She hugged him around the middle and he tried not to smile. He really didn't deserve a daughter like her.

"I'll see you at the meeting Chapel."

She was smiling at them both softly and he felt something in his chest ache. "Yes."

When Joanna let him go he forced himself to turn away. Now down to business.

Jim was sitting at his desk looking irritatingly perky for the time of the morning as he entered.

"There you are Bones. I was wondering when you'd turn up. No Joanna?"

"I left her in the sickbay." Jim made a face at him but thankfully said nothing. He took a seat opposite. "I think I know who the spy is."

"Really? Who?" Jim was looking at him steadily, and seemed unsurprised at his pronouncement.

"Argenn."

Jim frowned. "Really? The quiet one in engineering? Why would you think that?"

"You've heard about Ensign Powell?"

"I've read the report you left on my desk."

"Well Chapel and I went through the surveillance tapes last night. Argenn's made a few visits to her."

"And you think he attacked her?"

"Call it a gut feeling."

The captain nodded, clearly quickly coming to the conclusions he had. "Well, it would make sense if he's bullied Powell into helping him. – especially with her working in communication. Spock thought there would have to be at least two people involved."

The door bleeped. "Come. Ah, Spock. We were just talking about you."

The Vulcan's face was typically impassive as he took in McCoy's presence. "Indeed. Forgive me for the interruption, captain, but I believe I have concluded who the spy – or indeed one of the spies – must be."

"Oh." Jim looked amused as he rolled his eyes. The Vulcan was always so dramatic. "Please go on."

"On appraisal of the information we had about our spy – their ability to infiltrate our systems, to remove all trace of themselves except as the fragmented ghosts, to have access to such systems without arousing suspicion etcetera, I concluded that at least one of the spies must be an engineer. On further analysis of the crew manifold, I have found only one engineer that matches both the IQ to have carried out such a feat, and that has matters unclear on deep examination of their history."

"And who might this person be, Mister Spock?"

"Engineer Argenn. Believe me captain, I do not make such accusations lightly, but it is logical to conclude-."

"Quite Spock. You'll be pleased to know that Bones here told me the same two minutes before you did – although his reasoning was a little less thorough." McCoy frowned at him. His reasoning was thorough, but based on instincts rather than the Vulcan's questionable logic. "Now the question arises of what we are going to do with this information."

"How the hell is that a question? Why don't we lock him up before he puts anyone else in hospital? Who knows what he's planning?" McCoy didn't like the look Jim was exchanging with Spock. Hell – was he the only one thinking clearly here?

"Doctor, it is unlikely Argenn is working alone-."

"I damn well know that - he's been using Ensign Powell."

"And he may well have used others. If we detain him, it may trigger a series of events that we cannot foresee, and we may lose every chance we have to find his accomplices." McCoy scowled, but admitted the man had a point.

"Spock's right." Jim echoed his thoughts. "I promised you, Bones, that I'd keep the ship out of trouble until we reach Earth, and I intend to keep it. Spock, ask Sulu to arrange some surveillance – very quietly. I don't want anything to arouse his suspicion, but I do want to know what he's up to and who he's speaking to. If needs be we'll reprimand him, but not until we know a bit more of what he's planning."

"I believe it would also be wise to wait until after our briefing with Starfleet Intelligence."

The captain chuckled darkly. "Yes, it probably would. Alright, is that everything?"

Did he really think he'd forgotten? "No, Jim. Why the hell did you ask Uhura to look up those contacts with the _Danube_?"

He paused, then shook his head at them both. "Have you ever met Captain Sworsen?"

McCoy shook his head, but the Vulcan curtly nodded. "Yes, captain. Eighteen months ago."

"Good. What did you think of the man?"

"My thoughts, captain?"

McCoy rolled his eyes. There was no point asking the Vulcan to provide a character study. "He seemed to be a balanced, forthright man, whose actions were dictated largely by logic."

"Forthright – that's probably a good way of putting it. Sworsen doesn't mince his words, Bones. You'd like him."

He frowned. "So?"

"So, I began thinking of my communication with him when he was picking up Korby's equipment from Exo. He seemed normal, so I didn't think about it until you brought it up at Daystrom, but I recalled Sworsen repeated himself several times, and all on the topic of the equipment. In fact, he had a ten minute conversation with me about it – which, when I think about it, doesn't quite seem right. If it had been you and I was asking all of those questions, you would have told me to go to hell."

"So you think he was acting out of character?"

"I thought so – but I wanted to watch it again to be sure."

"And?"

"Well, it didn't make me feel any better."

"Captain, forgive me, but I do not understand why this is making you uncomfortable. The Danube delivered the equipment to Earth, did they not?"

Jim frowned. "We know they delivered something to Earth, that's for sure. But no one actually knew what the equipment looked like other than me and Nurse Chapel."

McCoy was beginning to feel his chest tighten. "So they could have delivered anything. Oh hell."

"There's more."

"Of course there is." He muttered.

"I pulled up the Danube's flightplan for the last few months. On their way back to Earth, they made a minor detour to Galor – according to records they received a request for help from the Institute."

Spock arched an eyebrow. "Captain, please make sure I am drawing the correct conclusion. You believe that the equipment may have been stolen?"

"Bones was led to believe that on Galor."

"Indeed." The Vulcan turned his critical eye on him. Damn it.

"Some Trill scientist cornered me, asking for my help on neural regeneration. She said she'd been given the equipment by the Federation."

"Well, she might have been given the equipment from someone. Do you think she believes she's working for the Federation Bones?"

"I doubt it." He remembered how she'd threatened Chapel. She knew far too much to have just been handed the equipment – the menace behind that sugary voice. "Jim – she said she had something else to. She said she had Korby's papers."

"Excuse me Doctor, but that is impossible. The belongings of Doctor Korby are in secure storage in the Enterprise."

Jim glanced at him. He knew he was thinking the same thing. "I think maybe we should go and check anyhow. Come along."

They followed him down to the hold and it took them several minutes to locate the large metal container amongst the hundreds of others aligned in neat rows.

"Here we go. Spock?" Jim stepped aside so that the Vulcan could type in the access codes. The doors hissed open and they all peered into the crate.

"Oh hell." It was completely empty. They'd taken it.

"Well, this isn't good." Jim agreed, rolling back on his heels.

"Interesting." Spock was assessing the computer and he fought an urge to punch him, because seeing some emotion on the man's face was one of the few things that could make him feel better right now.

"What's interesting." Jim humoured him.

"There is no record of this crate being opened since it was sealed."

"So it's been tampered with? Or deleted?" He guessed.

"Perhaps. I can see no evidence of it. However, there is another option. While we were on the surface of Galor, the ship was uncontactable, was it not?"

McCoy nodded, remembering the nightmare that had been that night. "Well they were not replying to hails."

"Scotty's still trying to track the source of that – there's not much logged apparently." Jim added.

"Given the circumstances, I believe it is logical to assume that it may have been deliberate assault on our systems. We know from the communications that there is a link between the spy and Galor. The comms being down whilst the senior staff were stranded on the surface may have been a good distraction. We do not know whether other systems were affected."

The captain looked thoughtful. "Well if the comms weren't logged – it makes sense why this wouldn't have been logged either." He glanced at McCoy. "What worries me is what else this person might have got up to." And why. He was beginning to feel sick. This was big. Someone might have Korby's equipment and his notes. Which meant they could do the same thing the man had attempted to do to Jim. On potentially a far bigger scale. Oh hell.

"Captain – we need to inform Starfleet Command of this." Spock said sombrely.

Jim shook his head. "Not yet – not until we get back to Earth. I don't want anyone getting tipped off. I have the feeling our secure channels aren't so secure right now. I'll tell Pike when I have the chance - see what he thinks."

Spock nodded. "Agreed."

Jim glanced at him. "But we need to tell Christine."

"No." He said it immediately – before he'd even had time to think. He couldn't let her go through that again. "Damn it Jim. You know what this did to her last time. We can't let her know. Not now."

"Bones – right now she's the expert on this technology. You can't deny someone who's gone to the trouble of stealing Korby's notes from a starship is going to be interested in her."

He swallowed. The Trill at the Institute. The man with the golden eyes. People were definitely interested in her. Oh hell.

"There may be something that she knows that may aid us in our investigation." Spock added.

He dreaded to think what that might be. What wasn't she telling him? The reason why she'd been so scared... "Fine. But I'll do it." Somehow.

"Okay. Now we need to get to this meeting."

"Captain, I think it is likely that the events on Galor are connected to the circumstances we now find ourselves in." Spock told them as they walked back out of the hold.

"I imagine you're right, Spock. But getting Starfleet Intelligence to admit anything is unlikely."

"I do not understand. Surely it is to Starfleet's advantage to have a fully informed staff."

"You'd think. But knowledge is power, my friend, and Starfleet like to keep theirs close to their chest. It all comes down to politics."

"That is highly illogical – but I have come to expect such attitudes among Humans."

McCoy was beginning to feel irritated. "Some Humans Spock. Not all."

"You believe that Starfleet Intelligence is not representative of your species?"

He rolled his eyes. Good grief. "They're spies. They lie for a living. Of course they're not representative."

"Indeed." Spock raised his eyebrow at him in clear disagreement, but thankfully they made it to the ready room, and he excused himself to speak to Sulu.

The admirals began to file in and he frowned deeply. He wondered why they'd decided on briefing them now, before they'd reached Earth. Were they going to tell them anything useful? What did they already know? Pike was better than most – he still hadn't sold his soul to the system, but even so...

"Best behaviour, Bones." Jim warned him quietly. "You're not going to help anyone by losing your temper."

"I'm not going to lose my temper." He could play nice if they did.

"Good. Glad to hear it. We're all on the same side, remember."

"So I'm told." He growled. They'd put Korby on this ship in the first place. That certainly wasn't the action of someone on the same side as him. "Just keep your ears open."

"Always do. How do you think I've kept us out of trouble for so long?" Jim grinned at him and he rolled his eyes.

"I imagine that has something to do with the quick thinking of a certain Vulcan – though don't tell him I said that." He admitted. Spock, if nothing else, was a damn good first officer – in the way he'd been a terrible captain.

"And a fairly good CMO too." Jim acknowledged with a pat on his back. "It's going to be fine Bones. You take care of Chapel. I'll take care of the rest."

He had the feeling that Jim might have the easy part. He slowly took his seat as the seconds ticked by. Where was she? Why wasn't she here yet? He had the feeling he wasn't going to sleep properly until all this was over and he knew she was safe. Which, since they worked on the Enterprise, probably wouldn't be until they finished their tour.

She was the last to enter, gracefully taking the seat beside him. He glanced at her and she smiled softly. "She's fine." She whispered, clearly thinking he was worrying over Joanna. He nodded at her. His concern had been all for her – but he couldn't show her that right now. Not without telling her why.

Admiral Pike cleared his throat. "Right, let's get down to business. As you all know me, I'm not going to bother introducing myself, but this is Admiral Chapman, head of Starfleet Intelligence; Admiral Brooks, his deputy; and Plat, who has been working undercover for Starfleet Intelligence for some years." That explained a lot. "I appreciate you all being so patient over the last few days – I know that your experience at the Daystrom Institute wasn't pleasant for anyone, and that you'll undoubtedly have questions, but if you could save them for the end that would be appreciated. Admiral Chapman. Would you like to continue?"

Chapman was an elderly man who had held the job as head of Starfleet Intelligence for the last twelve years. McCoy had the feeling he wouldn't hold it for too much longer. Starfleet was changing after the Narada. "Almost eight months ago the Enterprise rescued two Tellerite Ambassadors whilst docked and undergoing repairs. The ambassadors were apparently fleeing a hoard of Romulan ships after disappearing on the surface of Romulus. In fact, the ambassadors were keepers of a few very important pieces of information, which would have died with them had Kirk and McCoy not beamed over to the ship to pull them out." He nodded to them, and he frowned. If they had such important information, why the hell hadn't they picked them up, rather than leaving it to the Enterprise? It had been Chapel's first day, he recalled – it had been an eventful one. How could he forget how she had calmly organised his sickbay and taken in his appearance with two new patients without a word? How she had fainted. How she had shown her stubbornness, even then.

"The information that they provided was concerning a group that call themselves I'sorta Prime." Something clicked in his mind. I'sorta. That was where he'd seen the helmets before – in the pictures of the disaster. Near to the bodies of the suicide bombers he'd examined as part of the Starfleet investigation into the disaster. "As many of you are aware, this group claimed responsibility for the bombings on Lepta last year that killed almost thirty-thousand people." The man continued, flipping the switch to show the images he was all too familiar with – the Enterprise had been one of several responding ships. It had been soon after Kirk had taken command, and those days he'd spent down on Lepta amongst the dead would haunt his dreams forever. Jim met his eyes looking equally grim. "The Intelligence agencies have heard rumblings of such anti-Federation groups for some time, but the proof that the ambassadors carried confirmed three things that we had suspected – that this group was extremely organised – far more organised and on a larger scale than you would usually find, second there are more than thirty different species involved with the I'sorta, and finally that they were planning to mount a widespread attack on multiple planets to attempt to bring the Federation to its knees – attacks that would make Lepta look like a warm-up ." Oh hell. The spies. Were they I'sorta? He prayed they weren't. Because if they were – if the I'sorta had Korby's equipment... "Consequently we sent several intelligence officers under cover to find out more information. Plat – being Illyrian – succeeded where most others failed due to his species obviously anti-Federation's beliefs."

"Which aren't of course, mirrored by Plat himself." Admiral Pike interrupted softly. He wondered if that was true – or if the Illyrian was playing a game himself.

"Quite. He found out that there was to be a meeting of ships in the Neutral Zone – a recruitment and planning meeting if you will. However, we were unable to get anyone there – so we planted a probe in the hope that we might at least be able to identify the ships involved and go from there." The probe. He glanced at Jim, who rose his eyebrows at him slightly. Well, eight months later Starfleet finally decided to tell them about the damn probe. "A month later we requested that the probe be picked up by the Enterprise, after it had drifted into Klingon territory. Your ship managed to succeed in this endeavour with very little bloodshed." _Little_ bloodshed? Damn it, was that how they put it when they discussed it in their meetings, congratulating themselves that only a few had died? People whose families he'd had to tell – who were now living without sons and daughters and parents. Chapel touched his arm and he felt her silent sympathy. She remembered too – those they'd lost that day. He forced down the impulse to shout at them. "The information we found from the probe allowed us to track some key players. However, so far, the group have always been one step ahead of us. I'm sure that most of you know of the events that Doctor McCoy faced on Brinda V." He stilled. Brinda? He had to be joking. That was to do with this? Oh hell. What else was? "Such attempts to bring the Federation into disrepute are widespread, and anti-Federation sentiment has never been higher. In the last three months sixteen planets have ceased negotiations for admittance into the Federation, and at least three planets are considering pulling out of the treaty. We fear that this is only the beginning. Pike."

The man frowned. "I'm not going to mince words here. Daystrom has followed a pattern of events across the galaxy – but this was the first event involving Starfleet personnel. Things are getting serious. These people have an agenda and they chose the Institute for a reason. Many of the members have no reason to like the Federation. We're not just talking personal – but also planet-wide grievances. These people are armed, they have ships, and government backing. They also have shown that they are quite happy to kill. They are – in every meaning of the word – terrorists. Intelligence has told us that the next target is Earth. We don't know how – or what yet, but we're bringing the Enterprise back to help support our defences. They know that Earth is the key to the Federation. If it falls, the Federation will too. We need to make sure that doesn't happen."

There was silence. This was huge. Potentially this was war. And if they figured out how to create those perfect, immortal clones, it would be a war that the Federation would be unable to win. Oh hell. "Alright – time for questions."

"Admiral – you said that this people have an agenda. Would you please clarify what this is exactly?" Spock asked. Trust him not to understand the obvious – he was Vulcan.

"In the short term, we believe it is to bring down the Federation. However, ultimately we aren't too sure." Chapman told them. "There are rumours of establishing a new government in its place."

Spock glanced at him and he knew that he'd worked out something he hadn't. "Does the name I'sorta carry the significance that the Romulans give it?"

"I don't know what you mean." The Admiral frowned.

"_I'sorta_ – literally translated from Romulan, means perfect place. It carries the same significance as the Human ideal of Utopia." Uhura told them quietly. That's what Spock had meant. Utopia. The life's aim of Roger Korby. He could feel Chapel's stillness beside him. She'd realised.

"Perhaps." Pike said slowly. He knew, of course. He wouldn't be doing his job if he hadn't. Did he know about the relationship with Korby too? He had a feeling he might – so why the hell weren't they being briefed about that too? "Any more questions?"

"Why choose the Institute?" Jim asked.

"As Commander Spock I'm sure will agree, it is a logical place to do a great deal of damage to multiple species involved with the Federation, especially in a new facility that is all about Federation co-working. Plus the Tellerite ambassadors were present. It would be a good place for revenge." He paused and gave Chapel a direct look, and every fear he had was instantly confirmed. "There is also another reason why the Institute would be-."

"Need to know, Pike." Chapman interrupted, and Pike fell immediately silent. Damn it – they did need to know. Obviously they did.

"If this is the same group from Lepta, why are we still alive?" Jim continued to ask, unperturbed.

"As we understand it, the group were planning to use the captured people as hostages – most probably as bargaining chips for information." Information? Really?

"But it wouldn't have been hard to beam us out of there – that was what happened in fact." Sulu pointed out. "Why chose a place that is so poorly defensible?" Unless that wasn't why they'd captured the hostages...

Chapman frowned. "I couldn't say. Anything else?" There was silence. He needed to ask. He couldn't protect her if he didn't know how deep she was into this. And he'd promised to protect her. "Good. If you would-."

"Are the Katarreans involved?" He asked.

"The Katarreans?" Chapman was looking at him the same way he imagined he'd look at a poisonous insect. "Why would you ask that – McCoy isn't it?"

He hated that he pretended that he didn't know his name. He knew full well that they'd know the name and histories of every single person around that table. It was their business to know. But he'd be damned if he was going to tell them anything. Not when it involved Chapel. That was none of their business. Two could play at the 'need to know' game. "Just answer the question." Jim gave him a look. He wasn't meant to lose his temper. "Sir." He added. Chapman was still watching him. He'd better damn well answer him. He'd find out somehow. They really didn't want to test how far he'd go to protect her.

"The Katarreans are an interesting people. Few have ever seen one in this quadrant – since they can cloak their bodies as well as their ships." Admiral Brooks' face was blank, his voice a purr – and he finally saw who the real power was in Starfleet. "However, we do have information that the leader of the I'sorta is a Katarrean. Very few people know that doctor – I won't tell you how many people died for it. So I wonder why you would think they are involved?" Oh hell. The leader? She was in deep – deeper than even he'd imagined. He said nothing – he'd found out what he needed.

"Very well. You and I shall talk later, Doctor." Damn right they would. The man wouldn't like what he had to say – but someone needed to say it. Damn manipulative... But Chapel. This was all about her. Why? It had to be more than just to work the equipment. Other scientists could work that out – especially with Korby's notes. There had to be something more. He instinctively took her hand under the table. It was cold and small in his and he ran his thumb over her knuckles. Whatever it was, he needed her to trust him. He wasn't going to let anything happen to the woman he loved.

Jim grinned hard at the men – the only indication of his frustration. "Well, thank you gentlemen, for the briefing you've given us. We understand how hard it is for Starfleet to reveal even a few of their secrets to the masses. The ship will be prepared for battle by the time we reach Earth."

"We'll need a word with you – Kirk. I hear that you've got a bit of a situation here on the ship." Pike gave him a significant look, and Jim nodded stiffly.

"Well, if you've heard about it, I wonder who else has." Damn it – what if Argenn had been tipped off? How the hell did they know? He knew Jim was going to find that out. "Spock – if you could oversee our preparations?"

"Yes sir."

"Excellent. Sulu – the security we discussed…?"

"It's in place, sir."

"Good. Alright, the rest of you, dismissed."

Chapel stood up, releasing his hand already. He missed it – that one attachment he had to her. Jim gave him a nod, and he quickly stood up and made his way over.

"That was interesting." Jim said quietly.

McCoy nodded. "That's one word for it."

"The Katarrean? Dare I ask?"

"Chapel met him." He said briefly, and the captain gave him a look of understanding.

"We'll be on Earth tomorrow, Bones. Sit tight. It's going to be fine." He wondered if he should send Chapel off the ship with Joanna. But he couldn't. She'd never agree to it, and he was scared of sending her out of sight. At least Joanna would be safe in a day.

"Keep me updated, Jim."

"Alright."

He noticed she was talking to the Illyrian. Now what did they have to talk about? "Come on Chapel, let's go and find my daughter."

"Of course." Her voice and manner were calm, but he didn't buy it. He knew her too well now – she was just good at hiding things. They walked to the sickbay in silence because he didn't know what to say – how to make this better, how to tell her the rest of what he knew. Thankfully Joanna seemed to instinctively do what he couldn't and immediately embraced her as they walked in.

"Are you alright?" He saw a brief spasm of emotion pass across the woman's face. She wasn't alright.

"I'm just fine. I see you've been busy."

"Yep. I got to see Nurse Kier's baby. How great is that?" Kier and Zuvolt were on the other side of the sickbay. Of course – she would leave tomorrow. He'd forgotten about that with everything else that had been going on. There were probably things that he should have talked to her about.

"That's lovely."

"It's a boy. Doctor Zuvolt says he's always wanted a son."

"Zuvolt would be happy with whatever he had." He said absently. He wanted her to talk to him. He wondered if he should order her in to his office now, before she had a chance to become too hardened to the new knowledge, to bury her feelings too deep.

"I'm sure he would." She agreed. "I'd best say goodbye." Was she running away from him? Did she feel his need to be near her? Or was she simply trying to do her duty, and make up for his short-comings as CMO? He hoped it was the latter. He watched her walk over to the nurse and led her off to one of the consultation bays. He wondered how she could still smile so sweetly, and give so much understanding with all that she must be feeling inside.

"Dad? Are you alright?" Joanna tugged at his hand, breaking his reverie.

"Sorry Joanna. I have a lot on my mind right now."

"About the meeting?"

"Yes."

"Was it bad?"

"In some senses it was." He would have to brief his staff later. They'd have to be battle ready. Thank goodness Joanna was leaving tomorrow. But hell, he'd miss her. "Come on. Why don't you show me what Seams has taught you."

"Alright." She grinned at him, then went and talked him through the bones of the skull and then the foot. He showed her how to use some of his surgical tools – she liked that, and he had to admit, she was very coordinated. Maybe she should be a doctor after all.

He noticed Chapel leaving Kier after about an hour, but instead of coming to talk to him, as he expected, she moved through to his office. He realised she'd be going to the lab.

"Dad?"

"Joanna?" He glanced down at his daughter.

"Why are you watching Christine?" She was smiling slightly.

"I need to talk to her." He told her honestly.

"Well why don't you?" That was a good question. She hugged him. "I'm going to talk to the nurses. Will you take me to meet Commander Spock later?"

He chuckled and hugged her back. "If you want to."

She looked pleased. "And Captain Kirk too?"

Well they'd be no avoiding that one. "I suppose so. Tell you what, let me speak to Chapel, and then we'll go to the captain's office."

"Ok." She grinned at him joyfully, then went to attach herself to Nurse Hylara, who appeared at least happy to see her.

Chapel was calibrating the lab equipment and showed no awareness that he'd entered. He watched her – those fluid motions, that grace. It made him want to reach out to her, but for now he stood still and watched her. Her mind was somewhere else – somewhere far away. How much had she worked out? She was far from stupid. She would have realised Korby was involved with this somehow. When she dropped the scanner it showed him just how much she'd been shaken. Christine Chapel never dropped things.

"Chapel? Are you alright?" He asked slowly. What the hell did he do?

"Fine." She reached down to pick it up, but a few of its pieces had broken off and she dropped them again. "Damn it." She whispered. Christine also never swore. Not ever. He walked towards her and picked up the pieces. Then he took her hand, opened her fingers, and placed them on her palm. She stared at them, apparently transfixed. Hell, he'd never seen her like this before. He felt like he was walking on glass. One wrong move and she'd be lost to him.

"Chapel. Talk to me." He wanted to touch her, but something stopped him.

"What about?" Her voice was calm and detached.

"You know what about." She needed to tell him what she thought. He couldn't help her if she didn't speak to him.

"Do you think that there are consequences for every action, doctor?" It wasn't the question he'd expected but he answered truthfully.

"Yes."

"Do you think we can ever leave the past behind?" There was a broken look in her eyes. Her past coming back to her. Damn it.

"Only sometimes, Chapel." He moved closer to her, that desperate need to comfort her, to fill the fear that was in his heart.

"You know, I've always thought that the past was important. That it makes us into the people we are." She smiled softly and it did something to him. He reached out and touched her cheek because he couldn't help himself.

"You're right. It does." The past had made her into the person she was. That gentle, good person.

"But now I don't know whether it makes me strong or weak. Because all I want to do is forget."

"Forgetting doesn't help, Chapel. I've tried forgetting." He'd attempted to drink himself to forgetfulness after Caroline and look where he'd ended up. "Sometimes acceptance is the only way."

"I've never been good at that."

"That's because you're damn stubborn." Always trying to change everything. Always trying to make things better. She just never gave up.

She laughed softly. "_I'm_ stubborn?"

"Yes you are. And you won't ever let someone help you." Certainly not him.

"I don't need any help." There she went again. He tilted her face to look at him. Hell, she was so beautiful. It occurred to him that he was probably too close right now – that she might see how he felt. He realised he didn't give a damn.

"My point exactly. You're good at offering help, but you never accept it."

"Yes I do." She retorted.

"No you don't. Stop arguing with me."

She laughed and he felt some of the tension in his chest ease. Things couldn't be that bad if she was still laughing. "You know, I wonder how I managed to get into this mess sometimes."

"Only sometimes? That's my thought every morning."

She shook her head. "I'm just an innocent nurse with an angel-of-mercy complex, trying to keep a sickbay working." He'd said that once to her in anger he was sure, especially when she was giving him that dryly amused look. "I wouldn't scare a fly."

Hell, there was no one that scared him more. He was scared he couldn't help her. He was scared she was in danger. He was scared that she couldn't reciprocate his feelings. "You terrify me." He told her honestly. She gave him a look that set his blood on fire. Then she dropped the pieces that were in her hand and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her closer, feeling the effect of her body against his, his heart hammering in his chest. Hell, he needed to tell her what was going on. He needed to tell her it would be ok. He needed to tell her what his heart was screaming – that he loved her. That he always had. But he couldn't make his mouth work.

When she finally eased her hold he couldn't quite let her go. He had to say something. Something had to make this better. He stroked her face and she made no attempt to flee him. He gave her the one pledge he thought he could keep. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you Chapel. I promise."

A look went through her eyes, and for a moment he thought she'd say something – argue again that she didn't need help or the like. But then she reached up and stroked his cheek, moving closer until her lips were almost on his. He stopped breathing as she filled his senses.

"Nurse Chapel? Doctor McCoy?" A voice broke their contact and Chapel immediately moved away.

"Damn it." He muttered. Damn it, damn it, damn it. He could be wrong but he thought she'd been about to kiss him. He didn't think he was wrong. What the hell did that mean? He glanced at her, but she was studiously avoiding his eyes.

"There you are. Sorry to interrupt and all, but I think you should see this." Hylara appeared in the lab, and he wished, suddenly, that he carried a phaser. He forced himself to calmness and followed the nurse back out into the sickbay.

Joanna's voice reached his ears immediately, and then the sound of laughter. The girl was sitting in a chair next to Julie Powell stroking her hair. The Ensign was watching her as she said something animatedly, then laughed softly at her. For a second he was stunned. He glanced at Chapel, who looked equally as surprised. Who the hell had let her close to Powell? The woman wasn't stable. And how the hell had she...?

He put a hand in Joanna's shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

Joanna grinned at him, apparently unconcerned at the situation. "Yep. I was talking to Julie. She plays the violin like me. Only she's much, much better."

He glanced at Powell. "Well, I'm glad you were able to make a new friend." The woman's eyes were hooded, her smile wasn't convincing, but she was still a different woman from the near-comatose person that had been in the sickbay recently. It made him feel better. "I hope my daughter hasn't tired you out."

Julie shook her head and gave him a wary look. "No. She's remarkable."

"She's certainly something." He glanced at Chapel, who looked equally as amused. "How are you feeling?" The wary look on the Ensign's face intensified and he knew he'd asked the wrong question. Oh hell – he didn't want her to relapse. Damn it, he was no psychiatrist.

However, Joanna took her hand. "Don't worry Julie. Dad's the best doctor around."

Julie gave her a small smile. "I'm feeling better than I did."

He exhaled in relief. Saved by his eight-year old. "Good."

There was a whistle from the wall. Oh hell. Not now. "McCoy."

"Doctor, the captain needs you on the bridge." Uhura told him. He couldn't ignore the sound of worry in her voice either.

"I'll be right there." Damn it. This couldn't be good. If Jim forgot about his promise... Had something happened? Had Argenn found out?

"Aren't you meant to be going, doctor?" Chapel asked him quietly at his side.

"Yes." He turned to her and tried to read her face. He should have told her everything. She needed to know about the equipment – Jim was right. And the rest? How did she feel about him?

She handed him his pack with a smile. "I'll hold the fort."

He nodded. "I know." The only person he truly trusted. "Keep an eye on Joanna for me."

"Of course."

He met her calm eyes. "Chapel?"

"Yes?"

"When I get back we need to have a conversation."

She nodded. "I know." He smiled at her for that – her simple acceptance. Hell, he loved her. When he came back they would have that talk. For better or for worse. He made his way to the bridge with that simple assurance in his mind. He wasn't expecting what he found.

Sixteen minutes later, amid the chaos, a familiar sound filled his ears. "Oh hell."


	37. Chapter 151 Taking of the Enterprise C

15. The Taking of the Enterprise - Christine

Part I

_Argghhh – I've had this chapter done for ages, but for some reason FF wouldn't let me upload them, so apologies for the wait, I'm finding it just as frustrating. No introduction - it will speak for itself. This is a very short chapter in 3 parts, ready for the final chapter. I like Immediate Music's Epic Age for this. Thanks for reading._

The first thing that had told her that something was wrong was when they came out of warp. Christine had grown up on a starship – she knew the feeling of the engine beneath her feet and how fast Scott was pushing it as instinctively as breathing. She knew they wouldn't usually come out of warp before Uranus on their way back to Earth. Anticipating a red alert, she made her way towards Joanna, still sitting with Ensign Powell. The small girl was still smiling and chattering happily, clearly not noticing any trouble. She wondered briefly what to do with her – but the thought was interrupted when the power went down.

She felt the sickbay still – standard protocol when the lights went out, every awaiting the emergency lighting kicking in a few seconds later. It never came. The feeling of premonition she had intensified.

"Everyone stay still." She ordered, pulling herself into action. She felt her way to the wall and found a torch. The light illuminated the room eerily. The other nurses looked alarmed in the dim light, Zuvolt had taken Kier around the waist protectively, and Seams was heading towards Joanna. There was no sound from the bridge. Were the comms down too?

Temple came to her side and she handed her some more torches to pass out. "Why hasn't it come on?" She whispered.

Christine shook her head. "I don't know." A sound interrupted them, an unnatural pseudoscream that echoed around the room in the semi-darkness. It came from the bay with Joanna. She felt that wave of premonition and moved without thinking.

Julie was muttering under her breath, eyes wild and panicked. She was getting up, pulling the stimulators off her, trying to grab clothes. Joanna was next to her trying to calm her with little avail. Seams was reaching for a hypospray to sedate her.

"Julie? What are you doing?" She asked her, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Leaving." The woman was on her feet now, pushing everyone off, clearly agitated enough to leave in bare feet and a robe if necessary.

"Julie, what's happening?" Joanna cried from her side. She looked upset. That made the woman pause slightly. Then she turned to Christine, a possessed glint in her eyes.

"She shouldn't be here. You shouldn't have brought her on this ship. You shouldn't have-." The sound of phaser-fire interrupted her and she stopped and sat back down slowly, a look of defeat in her eyes. "It's started." Christine reached for Joanna automatically, pulling her towards her as the shots intensified. "Hide her. Hide her or she's dead."

"Christine?" Joanna looked scared. There was the sound of commotion down the corridor.

"Go." Doctor Seams gave her a look and she didn't hesitate. She grabbed her hand and pulled her towards McCoy's office, shutting the door quickly behind them. She needed to find a place to hide her. Where could she hide her where they wouldn't find her? She wasn't sure who 'they' were – there was no time to think about that now. But whatever was happening it wasn't good, and Joanna was in danger. They all were.

She took her through to the lab and found her solution immediately as the emergency lighting finally flickered on. The vents – she was sure that they connected through to the main engineering access vents. She'd be safe in there – they spanned the whole ship.

She picked up one of the pieces of her broken scanner from the ground and unscrewed the bolts from the grate as quickly as she could. She spoke as she worked.

"Listen to me Joanna. I need you to be brave. I need you to hide."

"Hide? On my own?" There was a shout and a few more shots – she knew they'd made it into the sickbay.

"Yes."

"But what about you? What about dad?"

She pulled off the grate. She'd fit. She was just small enough. She turned to her. The girl's brown eyes were large and fear-filled, but her jaw was set. She expected that – she was McCoy's daughter. "You're father will come for you." The one thing she was sure of. Leonard McCoy always came. "Until then, stay in the vents. Make sure you make no noise. Can you do that?"

The girl nodded and she helped lift her in. She heard Doctor Seams arguing with someone outside, and then another shot that made her heart turn cold. They were out of time.

She kissed her on the forehead. "Be brave. I'm locking you in." She picked up the vent again.

"Christine?" The girl turned to her, the question in her eyes.

"We'll be fine, don't worry." She wished she didn't feel like she was lying. The girl watched her silently as she screwed the panel back into place as best she could. When she heard the door burst open she moved away quickly so as not to draw attention to it.

The man was in a mask – large and black, decorated with the sign of blood. It was as she had feared. The I'sorta had come. He pointed the phaser at her wordlessly, and she immediately put up her hands. There was no point fighting right now – she needed to look after her staff, and that required her to see what was going on. He grabbed her hard by the shoulder and forced her back out into the sickbay.

Seams was on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. Temple was kneeling next to him, tears-streaking her face. The nurse gave a shake of her head and she felt something in her mind cry out. He was dead. He must have tried to buy them time so she could hide Joanna. The other nurses were standing in a huddle, four guards pointing phasers with an icy calmness. Nurse Ogiri was crying silently, and Ffoyd had an arm around her. None of them looked injured, but Kier was still there, Zuvolt in front of her defensively. Julie Powell was missing.

Finally a guard spoke in a heavily accented voice. "Who is in charge?"

She looked at him coldly. "You just killed him."

The man stepped aggressively towards her. "I know how Starfleet works. Who is next in the chain of command?" There was silence. The man slapped her hard across the face and she took it without a sound. She wouldn't endager Zuvolt. "Who?" Kier sent her a pleading look as the guard raised his hand again and Zuvolt opened his mouth to protect her. She made a split-second decision.

"I am." The man's hand lowered and Zuvolt's mouth remained open. She glanced at him, warning not to speak against her. He was going to be a father – she wouldn't let him do this.

"Follow me." The guard ordered her.

She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not going anywhere with you." She wasn't going to be separated from her nurses. He pointed the phaser at her, and she trembled inside, but kept her face blank. Then he turned and pointed it at Temple.

"I will kill them one-by-one." He told her, and charged his weapon.

"No." One of the other guards spoke for the first time. "The nurses were not to be harmed." She didn't have time to think about that statement. The guard was still pointing his phaser.

"Agree not to touch any of my staff and I will come with you." She offered quickly, before he killed someone else.

"Very well." The other guard answered for the rest, and moved to take her arm.

The first slowly lowered his phaser at the nurses and instead pressed it hard against her back. "Watch this place. Transfer them on the command."

"Yes sir."

"Transfer them? Transfer them where?" She asked. They made no response. She glanced at Zuvolt, and he gave her a small nod. He'd protect them as best he could. Temple pulled a sheet over Seam's body and gave her a steady look. They would do what needed to be done.

The pair left three guarding sickbay, and marched her down the silent corridor. There were dead security staff littering the floor. How many? She didn't think she wanted to count as the horror of what was happening settled in. She tried not to look too closely, tried not to recognise them. They had taken the Enterprise. How was that possible? The Enterprise was the best defended ship in Starfleet. She had a few ideas, and didn't like them.

It took her a few minutes to realise they were taking her to the bridge. Why were they taking her to the bridge? McCoy was supposed to be on the bridge – so why did they need the acting CMO? She prayed he wasn't dead. What if he was? She stamped hard on that thought. Not now. This wasn't the time to panic.

They were progressively joined by more guards. How many were here? Enough to overpower their security – but it had been dark. They must have managed to bring down the power – like before. What were they going to do with the crew? What were they going to do with her? She tried not to think as the doors opened onto the bridge, because her thoughts were scaring her.

Julie was already there, with several of the I'sorta. She gave her a panicked look when she saw her, then her eyes shifted quickly. She was looking at a console. The rest of the bridge was empty – where was the captain? Where was McCoy?

"What have you done with the crew?" She asked, keeping her voice cold as they brought her forwards.

One of the guards indicated to the viewscreen and she noticed there were two ships facing the Enterprise. One was of a type she'd never seen before. The other was a Starfleet ship. She just made out the name. It was the _Danube_. The name hit her like a blow.

"You've beamed them onto the Danube?" She asked. Why would they do that?

"No. The other." She stared at the masked figure, then back at the ships. The foreign ship? Now she looked closer she realised that it was drifting. It had no power. Did it have life support? Were they already dead? She felt sick.

The doors opened again, and more I'sorta entered with Scott. His face was bloody and angrier than she had ever seen before on the eccentric man, and his eyes widened when he saw her.

"Nurse Chapel? You alright?"

She nodded. "You?"

"Just peachy. What have they done with the captain?"

"They beamed the bridge onto that ship."

Scotty frowned at the viewscreen then glanced at the masked men. "Well that wasn't very nice – leaving them on a knackered ship. Beam them back right now. It's bad enough that you damaged the Enterprise, but I swear if they're harmed, you and I are going to fall out."

To her surprise, one of the men laughed, and removed his helmet. He was Brindi – dark skinned and white haired. She felt her heart sink. She had seen first-hand what the Brindi did to prisoners. "You have no room to negotiate little man. Their self-destruct is already initiated. It is only a matter of time before they will be dead."

"Oh I see. Not very brave, is it – killing them like that." He tried to move towards a console, but several of the I'sorta barred him.

"Perhaps it is not brave, but we'll kill the Starfleet scum however we can."

"Then why have you not killed us?" She asked him. She was beginning to feel scared. Had they recognised her? Were they under orders from the golden eyed man? Had he come for her, like he said he would?

"You are going to fly this ship." She felt relieved, despite the dire circumstances. She was wrong.

"Aye, and I'm a Priestess of Holra." Scott frowned.

"You will fly this ship or we will execute every remaining crew member." He pointed his phaser at her. "Starting with the CMO."

"Why would I know how to fly this ship?" Christine asked them. "I work in sickbay."

"Because you are Starfleet trained. We are not stupid. Take the helm."

"No." She protested. They couldn't leave. Not when almost everyone she cared about was about to be killed on the other ship.

"Take it." He pointed the phaser at her.

"No. Not unless you-."

"Christine. Take the helm." Scotty ordered her. She stared at him. Then, in the quickest movement, he winked at her. He had a plan. He was the best engineer in the galaxy. She knew he could save them somehow. She took the seat and activated the panel. It took her a second to orientate herself, then she quickly scanned the other ship. There were life signs. The relief she felt was almost overwhelming. They were alive – for now. Scotty took the seat next to her and she gave him a small nod.

"Put in these coordinates." He read her a series of numbers and she put them in carefully. Scott's fingers were working fast beside her. Would he be able to reverse the transport? How long did that have?

"It will take me some time to plot course." She told them slowly.

"You will do it fast." The Brindi told her. "Julie Powell – hail the Danube and tell them that our part is completed."

The girl didn't hesitate as she moved to obey. She was terrified. She could see it in the way she moved. What would happen to her? What part did she play in this? She began to plot a course as best she could, grateful that the computer did most of the work and tried to work out what was going on.

"What are you doing?" An I'sorta asked Scott violently, bending over his console.

"If you want me to fly this ship from here, I'm going to need to transfer control of the ship back to the bridge – or have you forgotten that one of you transferred it to engineering? But please, if you'd like to do it for me?" Scott lied smoothly. A glance at his console told her that wasn't what he was doing. He was trying to lock onto the lifesigns on the foreign ship, trying to beam them back. They'd made an error bringing him to the bridge and expecting him to comply. She knew she needed to keep them distracted so they didn't notice too. It wouldn't be long before it was obvious.

"Why this ship? Why the Enterprise?" She asked the Brindi man. She chose the only one she was sure she could make eye contact with.

"You assume that we have taken only the Enterprise, woman."

"You've taken other Starfleet ships too?"

"As you can see." The man indicated to the Danube on the screen.

She shook her head at him, and kept her voice conversational. "You seem to want a war. Don't you know what that will do to our quadrant? The loss of life that would be involved?"

The man shook his head. "There will be no war."

"How is that possible? You think that people won't stand up and fight – as you yourselves have done?"

"No." He replied shortly. "Enough questions. You are ready?"

"I think so. I'm not sure." She replied, and put antipathy into her voice. "I've never worked at the helm before. You might want to check my calculations, or we could end up in a star."

"You." He indicated to another mask. "Check the trajectory."

The man came beside her and she shifted slightly so that he could see. "You know, you don't have to do this. Why destroy one of your own ships? Beam the crew back aboard, and I guarantee you that the Federation will give you a fair trial."

"You are in no position to bargain. Engineer, you must be ready by now."

"Aye, almost." A beeping began to sound from his console and she knew the game was up.

"What's that? What are you doing?" The Brindi was moving to him quickly. She knew he wasn't done. He could only do a few at a time.

Julie looked up from her computer, looking terrified. "He's beaming the crew back on the ship." Her voice shook.

"I thought you said that was impossible? Step away from the console." The man put his phaser to Scott's back and he put up his hands. Then the engineer glanced at her and she understood. He hadn't managed to beam them all across. He needed more time. She would have to get him it. There was only one way she could think of now. It was the only way to save everyone she cared about. There was no decision really.

In a fluid movement she came to her feet, knocked the I'sorta next to her to the ground with two well placed punches to his abdomen, grabbed his phaser and shot the Brindi behind Scott.

"Do it." She shouted to him, as she shot two more guards in an attempt to cover him. She moved to the left to draw the fire but knew that she was outnumbered, that there was no way she could win this. She managed to take down another three before she felt the searing pain in her abdomen. It took her breath away and she fell to her knees behind the console, her phaser dropping from her hands. There was blood, a lot of blood, appearing grey as her vision dimmed. She knew what this meant, all the blood. It didn't matter, as long as he was safe. She fell forwards, the pain beyond comprehension, but didn't remember hitting the floor. When her eyes opened again Scotty was holding her, his face filling her vision.

"Easy lass. You're going to be alright." His voice was muffled and faded. She tried to speak, tried to ask him if he'd succeeded, but he hushed her. "I got them all. Just hold on."

She smiled at him as her vision faded. McCoy was safe. In her mind she told him she loved him, then closed her eyes and saw no more.


	38. Chapter 151 Taking of the Enterprise M

15. The Taking of the Enterprise – McCoy

Part I

_We're about to test McCoy to the limit. Everyone hold out for him, and for Christine and Joanna. Thanks for reading._

When he got to the bridge there was the usual pandemonium – voices shouting out readings, Jim sitting tense in his chair, Spock still, hands clasped behind him. A quick glance told him that the admirals were there too, and the Illyrian, talking quietly between themselves.

"Captain, what's going on?" He asked, using his title for the sake of the company.

He heard someone shout "They're gaining, captain."

"Sulu, bring us out of warp." Jim ordered calmly.

"Yes sir."

"Spock? Care to fill me in?" He attempted again.

"We are being pursued by two ships."

"Then why the hell aren't we at red alert?" He scowled.

"One of the ships is of unknown origins. The other is the USS Danube." Oh hell. He felt something in his chest begin to tighten.

"Report." Jim stood up.

"Sir, they've come to a standstill with us – there is no movement."

"Open hailing channels – all frequencies."

"Channels open." Uhura reported after a second.

"USS Danube. Unknown ship. This is the Enterprise. Please-." The lights went off. So did every machine on the bridge. He could barely make out his own hands in the starlight. "That's not good." Jim muttered. McCoy glanced at him in the darkness. That was an understatement.

"Captain, the whole ship has lost power. We're adrift." Spock sounded far away. How the hell had the Vulcan managed to move so quickly in the darkness?

"How did that just happen?" Jim demanded.

"I am unsure, captain."

"Sounds like that spy has managed to find a way to turn off the power, Kirk." An elderly voice murmured from his left. "I said you needed to apprehend him."

"Not now, admiral." Jim replied coldly. "Spock, can you-."  
A noise filled his ears. One that made him stomach clench. "Oh hell." He muttered as a new light filled his eyes. That of a different ship. He bent forwards and almost lost his balance down some steps that were now there. At least he had been standing. Those that had been sitting at their computers had fallen over. He saw that Spock was helping Uhura to her feet in the green light.

"What the hell..." He began.

"Anyone hurt?" Jim shouted over him.

There were several calls. Well that was perfect. He went and had a look at the bleeding head of an ensign.

"Kirk, just what is going on?" Admiral Brooks demanded.

He saw Pike roll his eyes and had never liked the man more. "I think that's rather obvious, Brooks. It seems that we've been beamed to one of the other ships."  
"How is that possible?"

"I'm guessing they're a lot more advanced than we are." Jim put in, looking slightly amused now the tables had turned. "Spock, any of these controls look familiar to you?"

"Negative, sir. However, I assume that this ship must be similar in design to the Klingon warbirds. If you give me a moment I will attempt to familiarise myself with the dialect."

"It's Katerrean." Uhura told them, bending over the panel. "I recognise a few of the symbols."

"Well, you have to ask yourselves, where are all the Katarreans?" Jim asked cheerfully. "Because I can't see any can you?"

"Captain, they may have beamed over to the Enterprise." Sulu suggested.

"It is likely." Chekov agreed. "Such technology would make a co-transport possible."

"Can you reverse it?" Jim demanded.

"Perhaps sir, if we can navigate the systems."

The panic he was feeling finally made him speak. He couldn't be dealing with 'perhaps'. "Damn it Jim, my daughter is on the Enterprise. Get me the hell back on it." And Chapel. Chapel was on it. And the Katarrean had said he was coming for her. Damn it, he had promised to protect her. He had to protect them both.

"Captain, I believe we have a more pressing problem." Spock spoke from behind them, and they all turned. He indicated to a large screen. It was flashing with continually changing symbols.

"Please don't tell me that's what I think it is." Jim frowned.

"It is a countdown sir."

"A countdown to what, Commander Spock?" Pike demanded.

"I believe the self-destruct of the ship has been initiated."

"Oh hell." He spoke for all of them.

"Can you switch it off, Spock?"

The Vulcan shook his head. "Unlikely, captain. It would require senior authority codes, none of which we have."

"How long?" He glanced at Uhura.

"If I am reading them correctly, ten minutes, captain."

"Then we need to get ourselves back to the Enterprise. Damn it, we need Scotty." Jim frowned.

"I imagine that Commander Scott will be attempting to reverse our transport from the Enterprise." Spock reassured him.

"I think that Scott's going to have more to be worrying about if a bunch of I'sorta just beamed onto our ship." He pointed out.

"Why are we assuming that this is an I'sorta attack?" Admiral Chapman asked him sharply and he felt the anger swell in his chest. He'd quite happily wipe the look of his face right now.

"Let's not play games, gentlemen." Jim interceded. "If you're here, find something useful to do. Now everyone look around for some sort of transporter controls. I'm not allowing anyone to steal my ship."

"Sir, I think I'm into the system." Uhura told them.

Spock stood closely beside her. "It appears like the environmental controls are failing."

Damn it. Anything else? They'd die in ten minutes one way or another. He needed a way back on that ship. He went and found a console a pressed something randomly. It wasn't like he was going to make things any worse at this point. A few of the less seasoned personnel were scared. He could tell, despite their good training. The inability to meet each other's eyes. The white knuckles. Hell, he knew how they felt. Because right now the fear for Chapel and Joanna was almost driving him insane.

"Are there any escape pods on this thing?" He asked.

"Negative. It appears that all such shuttles have been ejected." Spock said calmly.

"They sure want to kill us." Jim frowned, and began to undo some panelling on the floor, glancing interestedly at the wiring. He went to help him, passing him his scanner and a few other tools. Jim had always been a whizz when it came to staying alive.

"Captain. I think I have a transporter system." Chekov said a few tense minutes later. "But I cannot get into it."

"Spock?"

"Yes captain." Spock went to join him at the unspoken command.

"Uhura, how long?"

"Four minutes."

"We're cutting this tight. Anything that you could do that would help, Admiral...?"

Pike shook his head. "This is way over my head. Brooks?"

The elderly man frowned sharply. "No. Can you scan the Enterprise from here?"

"Why would I scan the Enterprise?" Jim looked up at him with narrowed eyes, cabling around his neck.

"Because it is important to know whether Nurse Chapel is still aboard." McCoy swung round so quickly his head span. They knew. _They knew_.

"Easy Bones." Jim murmured, and pulled himself out of the groove in the floor where he had been joined by a few other bridge officers. "Clearly you missed out a few important details from our briefing, gentlemen. Why the interest in our Head Nurse?"

"Because our deaths aren't going to matter if they've taken her."

"Why the hell not?" He asked in a strained voice. He was having trouble controlling his temper. Right now he wanted to shake the answer from the man.

Chapman cocked his head curiously. "I think perhaps, Doctor McCoy, you know the answer to that." Oh hell. Maybe he did.

Then the sound filled his ears again. He'd never been so glad to hear it in his life as he staggered forwards off the transporter pad. Jim was behind him, with Sulu, Spock, an ensign and Admiral Brooks. Jim's and Spock's phasers were already drawn. He pulled his out immediately. If they so much as touched Joanna... He never should have brought her here; he never should have been so stupid.

"Let's get to the bridge."

"Captain – the others..." Spock was staring at the pads. No one had followed them in materialising. Which meant Uhura was still on the ship with the others. He'd never seen Spock hesitate before, and he understood.

"How much time do we have, Spock?"

"Two minutes and thirty-six seconds, captain."

"They have time. Admiral, stay here and watch for them. You too Mullergan – hold the pad. Shoot anyone in a black helmet. Let's move."

He left through the door, and McCoy followed him close behind. There were bodies on the floor – he could see them right up the corridor. He reached down and took the pulse of the closest.

"Dead, Jim." Hell, they'd been massacred. The shots came on the sound of his voice. He managed to take down two, covering Jim as he sprinted further up the corridor. They moved quickly, listening carefully. A rattle to their left made them turn quickly.

"What was that?" Sulu asked. There was no one there they could see.

"It came from the vent." Spock responded, pausing slightly, head cocked. Then he pulled the cover off the wall.

"Joanna!" The relief that filled him was near overwhelming as his daughter tumbled out onto the floor.

"Dad!" He pulled her up and glanced her over, then embraced her tightly; thanking everything he could think of that she was unharmed. She hugged him back equally fiercely.

"Keep her to the back Bones." Jim ordered him quietly.

Joanna was taking in the bodies now with wide eyes. He turned her face from them into his side. "Stay close." He took her hand and held it tightly, keeping the phaser tightly in his other. Jim continued forwards, and Sulu kept to the rear, watching their backs. There were a few I'sorta guarding the doors to the bridge. Jim and Spock took them down without much bother. He kept Joanna back, kept her face averted from the sight. He was all too aware she was too young to watch people die.

When the doors to the bridge opened the shots were already being fired. Jim and Spock ran in, and Sulu held the door in case, but the shooting ceased within thirty seconds. Then Jim's voice:

"Bones, get here." His tone should have given him warning as he walked in. It didn't.

At first all he saw was Scotty covered in blood. Then he walked in further and saw that the blood wasn't his. He saw who he was holding. And then the world stopped.

She was lying still, abdomen gaping open, blood smeared up her arms, streaking that blonde hair that had fallen from its neat bun. It was the figure from his nightmares, so real now that it couldn't be a dream. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, as the horror ran through him in a shudder. He was too late.

Then a small voice broke him from that frozen web. "Daddy. Do something." Joanna was crying and the sound pulled him into autopilot, his years as a doctor kicking in. He dropped to her side.

"She's stopped breathing." Scotty told him in a panicked voice.

"Get the hell out of the way." He took her head in his hands, laid it on the floor and opened her airway, and gave her two breaths. Then he felt for a pulse. There was one – weak, thready, but somehow present despite the damage. The bleed however was catastrophic. She wouldn't have a pulse for long. He pulled out the cardiac stimulators and attached them, then scanned her quickly. A beeping told him her heart had stopped and he shocked her, then gave her a shot of adrenaline. There was no response, so he shocked her again. He could feel her falling away. There was no time.

"Scott, transport me to the sickbay." The engineer stared at him. "NOW." He shouted.

The man jumped up and ran to the computer. He secured her airway and ventilated her. He could still hear Joanna crying.

"Jim." He glanced up desperately. His friend's eyes met his steadily.

"I've got her." He assured him, and pulled the small girl under his arm, turning her face from the sight. He was the only one he trusted with her right now. Jim would make sure she was safe.

"Ready." Scott shouted.

He pulled Chapel into his arms. "Energise."


	39. Chapter 152 Taking of the Enterprise C

15. The Taking of the Enterprise – Christine

Part II

There was darkness and the light. She stood away from the light for some time. She was well aware of the meaning of walking into it. However, soon the darkness became overwhelming, pressing upon her senses, and she found herself stepping forward, despite herself. The light was coming from an old-fashioned lamp, set-up over a desk where a man worked, unaware, or perhaps uncaring, of the darkness around him. She had been somewhere like this before, a long time ago, she recalled. Did it mean she was dead, that she remembered the past so clearly now?

It had been the week after her mother's funeral and she had been reeling and desperate to run, to be anywhere except that empty home that she had lived in for the last few years alone with her mother's memories and decaying body. She had made an application on the off-chance. She had never thought he would see her. After all, she was a no one, a young woman who hadn't left Earth since she was eight, and he was the greatest Human scientist in a generation. Students fought for the chance to study with him. So when she walked into the interview she had been apprehensive. He had smiled at her with that absent smile, as if barely aware she was there.

"I have read your application." His voice was warm, and she felt drawn to it after the coldness of the last few years.

"Yes. Thank you." She replied quietly.

"You already hold several degrees, do you not?"

"Yes, doctor."

"I see. And your mother has recently died?"

"Yes." That pain ached in her chest.

He glanced at her briefly. "Tell me Christine. Have you applied to be my student because you want to see the stars?"

"Yes." She replied truthfully.

There was disappointment on his face. "Well. Thank you for coming. It was lovely to meet you." He was dismissing her already, getting to his feet.

"Doctor Korby – I want to see the stars because it is the only way for me to find what I'm looking for." She blurted in desperation.

He paused, and sat back down. "And what is that?"

"Truth."

"You think that the truth is amongst the stars?" He was looking right through her.

"Yes." She was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Who was she to be having such a conversation with him?

"And why, Christine Chapel, are you looking for truth?" Was he testing her?

"Because that is what science is – at least to me." She told him. "Science is looking for the truth we don't have."

"And what do you believe we will have if we find truth?" He asked her softly.

She thought for a moment. "Well perfection, I think. Isn't that what we have always striven for?"

"Yes. I believe it is." He looked at her properly, seeing her for the first time, something he was only going to repeat a handful of times in their relationship. Then he held out his hand to her. "Welcome to the program, Christine. I will see you next week."

Now she watched that same man writing something at his desk, silver in his fair hair, eyes absorbed in his work as always. She took the seat opposite him.

"Ah, you're here." He looked up at her with that absent-minded smile.

"Am I dead?"

"Dead? Well that all depends on your definition I suppose. Does anything ever die, when energy is never destroyed?" She gave him a sharp look and he smiled but said nothing more.

"Why am I here Roger?"

"You tell me."

"I was shot..." She began slowly. She remembered now. The Enterprise. Leonard – was he safe?

"Yes. You were. I hadn't foreseen that."

"You mean it wasn't in your plan?" She finally understood.  
"Of course."

"Then what is in your plan?" She asked him slowly.

"You tell me, Christine."

"This is a test?"

He smiled his amused smile and for the first time she, who should have known better, realised she'd underestimated him. "Isn't it always?"


	40. Chapter 152 Taking of the Enterprise M

15. The Taking of the Enterprise – McCoy

Part II

_Here we go – the testing of McCoy continues. I was trying to think of a song that would fit this chapter (because it really needs one) then remembered Cry by Alex Parks – which I like for this. Be warned, you may need the tissues for the next parts. Thanks for all the reviews – I appreciate them greatly. And thank you, of course, for reading._

The sickbay filled his eyes and he didn't stumble, Christine heavy in his arms. He heard shouts all around him – the sickbay was filled to capacity and there was already more bodies than he could count at a glance on the floor. Hell, just what had happened here?

"Doctor McCoy?" Temple's eyes were wide, a cut down the side of her face weeping as she took in Chapel, her blood now covering him. "Is that-?"

"I need four units of O negative." He ordered her. She was still staring at him mutely, horror in her eyes. Clearly she'd realised that it was Chapel. "RUN, Temple." She ran.

The surgical bays were filled. He could just make out Zuvolt bending over a body. Where was Seams? Damn it. He didn't have time for this.

He kicked his office door open, and laid her on his desk. He needed to stop this bleed. "Breathe Chapel." He ordered her desperately. Hell, in anyone else he might have called it by now. But she wasn't anyone else. He couldn't lose her. He cut off her uniform as Zuvolt found him.

"Oh my-."

"Get me some tools." He restarted her heart again, gave her a hypospray of inotropes. How long had it been? He brain would be starved. Damn it, he needed to get her blood pressure up. He needed to control this bleed.

Zuvolt returned with a surgical table, and he gloved quickly. Temple began to infuse her with the blood and he opened up the original wound. Hell, but she was a mess.

"Traction, Zuvolt." The man pulled the wound open further and he dug for the bleed. The entire abdominal cavity was filled with blood, inhibiting his vision, but he had no time to find other tools. "Suction." He moved bowel out of the way, feeling by instinct. It had to be her aorta, but access was difficult, damaged organs bleeding themselves freely.

Minutes ticked by and he grew desperate as her heart continued to fail and she bled her way through ten units of blood. He cursed himself.

"Come on Chapel. Give me something." Then he found it. "Autosuture." He repaired it quickly. Her blood pressure improved slightly. He set himself to repair the rest of the damage as best as he could. He knew her organ injury was massive due to hypoxia and the blast – a torn liver and spleen, ischaemic kidneys... But hell, he'd replace every damn organ in her body rather than losing her.

"McCoy..." Zuvolt was looking at his scanner with a frown. Her heart had stopped again, her breathing too. Damn it. It must have been the shock of reperfusion.

"Don't you dare, Chapel." She wasn't going to die like this. He wouldn't let her. He shocked her, infused her with another unit of blood, but she made no response. "Damn it Chapel." He was shouting for frustration. "Breathe, damn it." He shocked her again as Zuvolt ventilated her. Then she made her own attempt to breathe, and her heart began to beat again.

"Hell. Zuvolt, get her blood pressure up. And treat that hyperkalaemia." The man began to inject her with hyposprays in an attempt to prevent future complications. He continued his repair work as fast as he dared, closing bowel, reperfusing the kidneys. He promised himself repeatedly that he would murder the person who had done this to her. The mantra kept him sane as he worked. Finally, after two hours, he closed her. Zuvolt had left to deal with the numerous other patients, and Temple had been replaced with Hylara. He wiped his hands, then covered her with a blanket. She was breathing peacefully now, highly dosed on opioids for the pain, her heart stable.

"Doctor McCoy." The familiar voice echoed from behind him. He vaguely recalled that Hylara had told him Spock had been helping in the sickbay. The man had some skill in medicine, and they needed all the help they could get. "How does she fare?"

He stepped back, not meeting his eyes. "I've controlled the bleed, and she's stabilised slightly."

"I see." He had the feeling the Spock really did, so he told him the rest anyway, the part that was clawing at his chest. "I don't know how long her brain was underperfused. I don't know if she's going to wake." The signs from the neural readouts weren't promising. Hell, what would he do if she didn't? He almost couldn't bear to look at her face. He'd broken his promise to her within hours of giving it.

Spock gave him a nod of comprehension and they stood in silence for a moment. However, the Vulcan broke it again. "The wounded are numerous, doctor, and Doctor Seams is dead." Seams was dead. He felt numb. "The surviving I'sorta have been rounded up and are being guarded in security." The man paused and he glanced at him. He remembered his face as he had been standing in the transporter pad.

"Uhura?"

"The rest of the bridge were beamed successfully from the ship before its destruction. I believe Nurse Chapel is to thank for that. It was through her bravery that Commander Scott was able to reverse the transport."

He felt a wave of anger at her. Idiot woman. She'd got herself shot to save them? What the hell was wrong with her? Now he might lose her... He pushed that thought away before he broke.

"Doctor McCoy, I will watch Nurse Chapel, so that you can heal the other wounded." Spock offered. The idea of leaving her like this was almost too much to bear, but he could hear the cries from outside. There was just him now, and Chapel would frown at him with those blue eyes and tell him he had a duty of care and that she wasn't worth fussing over when there were so many others. He felt a lump come to his throat. Hell, he needed her right now.

He felt Spock's hand on his shoulder. The Vulcan was watching him with a look of understanding in his eyes. He'd always known he had his Human side in there somewhere, but right now he didn't want his sympathy. He just wanted this nightmare over.

"Tell me if there's any change, Spock. I mean _any_ change." He emphasised.

"Of course, doctor." He gave Chapel a last look, then forced himself out of the door to do his duty.

The wounded were never-ending and the nurses were overtaxed and damaged themselves. He set himself about healing them first, and from them built a garbled picture of how Seams had died, how Chapel had left to protect them and Joanna, how they'd overpowered the guards. The numbness in him grew as he found Zuvolt.

"Let me see those arms." He ordered him.

"I'm alright doctor." Zuvolt responded aggressively. He assessed the man. He hadn't noticed earlier, when Chapel had been his only worry, but his face was bloodied and bruised, his arms burnt.

"Don't argue." He bit at him, and the man obediently reluctantly gave in and raised them to him. There was heaviness in his face, and he looked at least a decade older than he had this morning. He'd seen losses of his own. "Kier?"

He felt the man shake and understood. "She lost the baby." His voice broke, as tears fell silently down his cheeks. Oh hell. She'd lost it. This was his fault. He should have got her off this ship sooner. He could imagine what the shock of the fighting and the death would have done to her. He thought he might vomit.

"Where is she?"

"In her quarters. Ffoyd took her there earlier – there was too much noise here." His voice shook. The man was struggling with his own loss.

"Go to her." He ordered him quietly. This was not the place he should be right now. The man glanced around the still full sickbay, question in his eyes, but nodded when he frowned, and left.

The pain in his chest grew and grew as he healed those he could and counted the dead. After four hours the sickbay was quiet, the nurses tending the sick in muted voices, and he turned back to his office.

"There has been no change, doctor." Spock told him calmly, scanner in hand. He took in her blank face and knew that was true. His chest became unbearably tight. The comm. beeped and Spock answered it in a quiet voice, then turned to him. "Forgive me doctor. I must depart."

He nodded. "Spock?" The man turned to him with that blank face. "Don't let Jim bring Joanna here until we've cleared the dead." She'd seen enough.

"Yes doctor." The Vulcan left, and he stood still and watched her breathe. Then he turned and shut the door.

He took her small hand within his own. All the death. All those he couldn't save. And her too – sleeping a slumber she might never wake from. "Chapel." He whispered. "If you can hear this, I don't know how much more I can take." He wished she'd open her eyes. He needed to feel her arms around him, those eyes on his, her face up close. "Hell Chapel, I need you right now." She lay silent on the bed, eyes shut. For a moment he thought he might go to pieces and breakdown. He forced himself to business to occupy himself. He'd had no time to clean her after the operation, so he saw to her now, wiping the blood from her body and face, washing her hair until the water ran red. He wrapped her in a gown, then placed her on the bed, pulling the sheets around her tightly, and clearing the filth from his desk. He changed from his uniform, thick with her blood, to a clean one. However, after those initial actions were over he had nothing to do, except watch and wait, pacing the floor of his office.

Scott came to check on her. So did Uhura and Sulu. They all came and left silently, saying little as they helped him keep vigil for a while. He scanned her often, but there was no change. He knew if she died he'd lose everything. She was vital to his happiness – he needed her and her soft smile and those understanding blues eyes. What if he never got the chance to tell her how he felt – what she meant to him? He cursed himself silently for not doing it earlier. The reasons that had stopped him seemed so unimportant now. He just wanted her. He wanted her so much it hurt.

"Just give me a sign, Chapel." He stroked her cheek. He needed something. Something to know she was still in there, that the damage hadn't been too much. But she made no response and he felt the anger swell within him. If she died he'd kill every last I'sorta, starting with the man with the golden eyes. Now there was a promise he'd keep, or die trying. But the anger subsided quickly, and he was left with the last thing he had – prayer.


	41. Chapter 153 Taking of the Enterprise C

15. The Taking of the Enterprise – Christine

Part III

_Alright, I hope that wasn't too depressing for you. For this chapter I think A Drop in the Ocean – Ron Pope would suffice. Thanks for reading._

She opened her eyes slowly. Was she dead? She felt the familiar pain in her abdomen. The room was dimly lit and it took her some time to orientate herself. She was in his office. She recognised it well – his desk, his chair, hers neatly tucked in opposite. He was standing with his back to her, near the wall, so motionless she felt a wave of fear.

"Doctor?" Her voice came out as a whisper, but he swung round so quickly that she almost jumped. He was safe. Thank goodness he was safe. For a second he just stared at her, and she back at him. His eyes were the darkest she'd ever seen them, filled with loss and pain. They scared her. "Joanna? Is she...?" She couldn't make herself finish. Surely only one thing could make him look like that.

"She's safe." He responded quietly and she shut her eyes in relief. She heard him approach her and began scanning, keeping slightly away. She tried to read his face, but it was closed to her, hidden in the shadows.

"What happened?" She asked him quietly. She had thought she was dead. He said nothing. It wasn't a good sign. How many had died? And who? She remembered the bodies that had littered the corridors and felt the nausea return. "Doctor? How many?"

He turned away from her. "Enough."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

He nodded. She watched him closely as he gave her a hypospray for the pain. He held himself like a broken man.

"Doctor? Are you alright?"

He glanced at her, and for a second she saw something hurt in his eyes, but it was replaced quickly with anger. "You know Chapel, you've done a lot of stupid things since I've known you, but this one was the worst." His voice was still quiet. That was a bad sign.

"I know." She whispered. "But I didn't have much choice."

"Not much choice?" There was a crack in his voice. "Damn it Chapel. You almost died. Do you understand that?"

"Yes." She had thought she was dead. "I know the only reason I'm alive is because of you." He took a long shuddering breath and she saw his hands were white and shaking hard. She finally understood that this was more than rage. He'd been scared. For her. She wanted to take him in her arms and wipe that look from his face, but she was too weak. Instead she reached up slowly and took one of his hands. "I knew you'd come, Leonard. You always do." She kissed it and heard him inhale sharply and turn from her.

"I was almost too late." He whispered so quietly that she almost missed it. She wished he would just hold her. After what had just happened she wanted him close, she wanted to feel him.

She placed his hand on her cheek. "But you weren't."

He turned back to her, his eyes were full of a seriousness that made her heart beat faster. He traced her cheek with his thumb, then her lips. She smiled at him as the butterflies danced in her stomach. She was still lightheaded from the pain, and closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, trying to forget what had just occurred, what she now knew.

There was a knock at the door, and before the doctor had completely pulled himself away in came Jim.

"Christine! You're awake!" The captain grinned at her, then at McCoy, who was scowling so deeply she worried for him.

She couldn't help but smile. "So I am."

"How are you feeling? You gave us one hell of a fright. We weren't sure..." He glanced at McCoy. "That is, I'm going to make sure that you get a medal for this. I swear Christine, that was the bravest thing I've ever heard. You wouldn't fancy a job on the bridge would you?"

She glanced at McCoy. "No. I'm quite happy where I am, thank you." The doctor smiled at her and she returned it. She heard Jim chuckle.

Then: "Christine!" Joanna ran in and stopped as if she'd hit a forcefield. Then she burst into tears. A look of distress passed over McCoy's face, and he knelt down and embraced her.

"I thought she was dead." She sobbed into his shoulder. That darkness passed over his face again, and he glanced up at her.

The pain was beginning to return, making her feel light-headed. "I'm fine Joanna. See?" She held her hand out to her and the small girl hesitantly came over and buried her head in her side. She felt a wave of pain for her. Had she seen her, shot and bleeding? No wonder she was scared. She somehow managed to reach over and embrace her, smoothing the hair from her face.

"You were very brave, hiding like you did." She said soothingly.

The girl sniffed. "I wasn't brave. I was really scared."

"You were brave, kid. You made sure that they didn't catch you." She was surprised when Jim spoke. Clearly so was McCoy. The small girl looked at him, and gave him a small smile. He gave her a grin, then turned to the doctor.

"Listen, Bones, I need you for a bit now Christine's awake."

The Doctor's face was clouded again, and he nodded. "Joanna, come, why don't you-."

"No – please, don't make me leave." The girl looked like she was about to cry again. She was tired, she realised. She had no idea how long she'd been unconscious, and the girl had been tried enough over the last day.

"She can stay with me." She offered quickly. He looked like he was going to protest, but then glanced down at the small figure of his daughter and his expression softened.

"Fine. Joanna, make sure Chapel is alright and doesn't get out of bed. I know what she's like." She frowned at him, but he didn't meet her eyes.

"Ok." The small girl nodded seriously. Jim left, and McCoy paused and stared at her for a moment, face unreadable.

"I feel fine." She assured him. He gave her a nod, and then left without a word. She missed him immediately.

Joanna was also looking at her wordlessly, sorrow in her eyes. She patted the bed, and she got up onto it and curled beside her. Christine wrapped an arm around her and felt her tremble with exhaustion. She wondered what the girl had seen. How many of the dead?

"How long was I sleeping for?" She asked the girl calmly.

"Fourteen hours at least." Joanna told her, then tears came to her eyes again. "I thought you were dead and no one would tell me anything, not even Uncle Jim." She broke back a sob. "I just wanted my dad."

"I know you did. You were brave, like I said. And he came for you, didn't he?"

"Yes, he came." There were still tears on her face. She tried to think of something to distract the girl from her recent trauma.

"Has your dad ever told you the story of when he and Captain Kirk were chased by a giant En'trali?"

"No." She looked surprised and sniffed. "What's an En'trali?"

She laughed softly, then stopped when it hurt. "It's sort of like a teddy-bear." A man-eating one. She left out that part. "It took a liking to Jim I think. It all started when they beamed down onto an undiscovered planet in Area 5416..."

She told the story and stroked her hair as the girl's breathing slowed. She fell asleep eventually, and she was grateful for it, because she was struggling to control the pain and her voice. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift. She knew what she had to do. It was clear. But she was scared. She needed him.

When she opened her eyes he was watching her, eyes dark and filled with something she couldn't identify but made the butterflies in her stomach frenzied. She smiled at him, and raised a finger to her lips to warn him not to wake Joanna. Then, without a word, he moved to her, bent over the sleeping form of his daughter and kissed her softly. For a second she was stunned, but the feelings that washed over her cleared that from her quickly. She kissed him back gently, feeling him tremble, sharing that pain he was carrying, his fear. Her free arm wrapped around his neck of its own accord, her own pain and the kiss making her light-headed, but bringing him closer, deepening it. She felt him shudder, wrapping his hands in her hair as she stopped thinking and let him fill her senses. They broke eventually, breathing heavily. His eyes were intense on hers and she was sure he must be able to feel her heart beating out of her chest, must be able to see how she felt about him.

"Christine... I-." Joanna stirred next to her and he stopped and glanced down at her. Then he moved away as Joanna mumbled and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Dad?" She yawned.

She tried to ignore the wave of disappointment, of loss. "You should take her to bed, doctor." She told him softly.

He nodded at her, a look telling her that it wasn't over – whatever it had been. "Come on Joanna. Let's go home."

He lifted her onto her feet, and she leaned against him, half-asleep. Then he reached onto his desk to his hypospray and gave her a shot. The pain she was feeling eased. He always knew somehow.

"Thank you." She murmured and he nodded, eyes on hers, unspoken feelings loud between them. "I'll ask Temple to watch you."

"I'm fine."

He smiled and her heart skipped a beat. "Of course you are. Goodnight Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor." She watched him leave, propelling his daughter forwards with gentle hands, and despite knowing what was coming, what she had to do, Christine Chapel felt a new emotion. She felt hope.


	42. Chapter 153 Taking of the Enterprise M

15. The Taking of the Enterprise – McCoy

Part III

_Are you ready for the final chapter? I hope I've kept you guessing! There will most definitely be fireworks! Just to say thanks for all your continued support – I truly am grateful to have such great readers! For this, I like Breathe in Breathe Out – Mat Kearney. Thanks for reading. _

Hours had passed in some sort of blur. He sat with her for a long time, but after a while he couldn't look at her anymore, because doing so made the hurt so much more, extenuating everything that he might lose. Then he paced, until finally, out of exhaustion his movements ceased until he remained motionless, staring at the wall, waiting the hours away, interrupting them briefly to check her medications and her readouts. There was nothing to see, no sign that her mind was intact. No sign that she'd even survive the night as her body shut down. The nurses came to check on her regularly, subdued and teary-eyed, looking to him for words of consolation. He couldn't give them. He felt numb. Seams, Kier, and Chapel. Blood on his hands.

"Doctor?" The voice was little more than a whisper, but it broke him from his reverie, forcing him around so quickly his head spun. Blue eyes met his. She was awake. She was speaking. He almost broke then out of pure relief. "Joanna? Is she...?" She was looking at him with fear, eyes reading his face.

"She's safe." He somehow managed to get out. She shut her eyes in relief, this woman who he owed his daughter's safety to, who seemed to care about her more than he'd dare hope after only two days of knowing her. He was suddenly unsure how to act. He wanted to touch her, but there was that fear hiding inside him, that fear that he'd realise she wasn't real, that he was dreaming. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him in intensity, and instead he picked up his scanner, steadying himself in his habitual actions.

"What happened?" Her voice was quiet and he felt her eyes on his face. He didn't know how to answer. How could he tell her about Seams? And Kier's baby? And how she'd almost died in his arms? "Doctor? How many?" She sounded scared, and he found he couldn't look at her, not with that blood on his hands. So many he couldn't save.

He turned away before she read the emotion on his face. "Enough."

"I'm sorry." She whispered. He nodded and picked up a hypospray, not daring to utter words as a lump came to his throat.

"Doctor? Are you alright?" He gave her the hypospray and glanced at those blue eyes. Alright? She'd almost died. He'd almost been unable to save her. How the hell did she think he felt? He was suddenly furious at her.

"You know Chapel, you've done a lot of stupid things since I've known you, but this one was the worst."

"I know. But I didn't have much choice." She replied calmly.

"Not much choice?" His couldn't keep the tremble from his voice. He suddenly wanted to shake her. It was only the doctor in him that stopped him. She didn't need any more injuries. "Damn it Chapel. You almost died. Do you understand that?"

"Yes." A dark look passed behind her eyes. "I know the only reason I'm alive is because of you." He took a deep breath, and tried to calm himself. He was tired, and emotionally drained. He didn't want to blow it. But somehow, she seemed to understand and took his hand. "I knew you'd come, Leonard. You always do." Her voice was soft, and when she kissed his hand it almost broke his control.

He turned away from her. "I was almost too late." He whispered, not sure if he wanted her to hear that admission. If she had died he wasn't sure what he would have done. Probably would have lost his mind. He felt like he'd almost lost it now.

She placed his hand on her cheek. "But you weren't." She felt real and solid. Comforting. He turned back to her and didn't stop himself as he traced the line of her cheek and then the smile that only she could give him. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. His chest ached. Hell he loved her. He wanted to hold her, to bury his head in her hair and never let her out of his sight again.

There was a knock at the door. He knew who that would be. Every damn time.

"Christine! You're awake!" Jim was grinning, relief clear in his eyes.

"So I am." Chapel smiled that soft smile and he gave her an affectionate one of his own.

"How are you feeling? You gave us one hell of a fright. We weren't sure..." The captain glanced at him and he felt that wave of pain and fear again. No one had been sure whether she'd survive, not even the fearless Jim. "That is, I'm going to make sure that you get a medal for this. I swear Christine, that was the bravest thing I've ever heard. You wouldn't fancy a job on the bridge would you?"

Like hell he was going to let her on the bridge. She belonged with him in their sickbay. She gave him a look of amusement as if reading his thoughts. "No. I'm quite happy where I am, thank you." He smiled at her, feeling unreasonably pleased. Jim glanced at him and gave a knowing chuckle

"Christine!" The small voice immediately preoccupied his senses. Joanna ran into the office, stopped dead, and burst into tears. He felt a wave of anxiety. Hell, what she must have been through. He knelt down and embraced her, feeling the small girl tremble with emotion. "I thought she was dead." She sobbed into his shoulder, and he cursed himself again for bringing her onto this ship, for her to have seen all that she had. She would be scarred by this, and it was on his head. He glanced up at Chapel, unsure how he could even begin to make this better.

"I'm fine Joanna. See?" She held out a hand to her, and Joanna hesitantly took it, then buried her head in her side, sobbing. Christine reached over and embraced the girl, a spasm of pain tensing her briefly, then stroked the hair from his daughter's face with a gentle hand. "You were very brave, hiding like you did."

She sniffed, but he could feel her already respond to Chapel's softness. "I wasn't brave. I was really scared." Her voice trembled and he wanted to reach for the girl himself.

"You were brave, kid. You made sure that they didn't catch you." Jim surprised him by speaking. Joanna smiled at him. Clearly they'd built some sort of relationship over the last few hours – he could see affection in his daughter's eyes. Well, there wasn't much he could do about that now. And Jim had kept her safe. He owed him.

"Listen, Bones, I need you for a bit now Christine's awake." The captain told him. He felt the lead in his stomach. He would have to deal with the aftermath now. No more avoiding it.

He nodded. He could take Joanna with him. He didn't want to leave her again. Not after this. "Joanna, come, why don't you-."

"No – please, don't make me leave." The desperation in her voice was surprising. Clearly her bond to Chapel went deeper than even he'd thought.

"She can stay with me." Chapel offered. Hell, she'd just woken up after sustaining life-threatening injuries. She needed rest. But then he looked down at Joanna. The girl still looked upset. She needed the sort of comfort that he wasn't in a position to provide right now. But Chapel... she always knew what to do.

"Fine. Joanna, make sure Chapel is alright and doesn't get out of bed. I know what she's like." Knowing her she'd be trying to see to her duties as soon as he turned his back. Well not this time. His daughter would see to that.

"Ok." Joanna nodded seriously and he knew she'd make sure she was obedient.

"I feel fine." Chapel said simply, clearly trying to make him feel better in the way she always did. The colour of her face told him otherwise, but he didn't want to argue with her, not after what had happened. He gave her a nod and left before his protectiveness of her overwhelmed his good sense.

Jim was chatting to the nurses outside, making them smile, but he could see the heaviness that the man carried. They walked in silence to his office and he poured them both a large drink.

"You should probably know what happened while you were occupied with Nurse Chapel." Jim said with a frown.

He nodded, the weight heavy on his chest. "Enlighten me."

"The Danube is gone."  
"Gone? Hell, how could that happen?"

"Argenn thoughtfully took out our engines before he beamed away. If we catch up, remind me to leave him to Scotty."

"So Argenn's gone too?" Damn it, he'd enjoyed the idea of punching the man to pulp for some hours.

"And the rest of the I'sorta. They beamed every one of the prisoners we took, and we couldn't even stop it."

"So what the hell are we going to do now?" They better damn well do something – because someone had to pay for all those that were lying dead in his sickbay.  
"Well... we don't know where they're going, and once Scotty gets the engines going, we're under orders to return to Earth..."

He didn't miss the inflection in his voice. "But?"

Jim's eyes were the hardest he'd seen them. "But I'm angry, Bones. We lost thirty-two of my crew today, and I'll be damned if they died for nothing. I need to know you've got my back."

He didn't hesitate. "I've got your back."

"Good, because I intend to get some answers." He paused. "I'm going to have to bring Christine into this. I know you're not going to like it."

He bristled. "Damn right."  
"She's involved Bones, and we need to know what she knows." Clearly his thoughts were obvious on his face, because Jim's expression softened. "I'm not going to let anything happen to her again. I underestimated the enemy – this was my fault and the blood is on my hands, but I won't do that again."

He sighed. "We all did, Jim."

Jim inclined his head in agreement. "Well now it's time we found out the truth – because this is it. It might come out to an all-out battle for Earth, and I'm going to be ready."

He felt ill. A battle for Earth. And he had thought the casualty list was high now. How many more would lose their lives in such a fight? "Jim, whatever we have to do, leave it until Earth. I need to get Joanna off the ship."

Jim nodded. "We'll be there in twenty-four hours. Go and get some rest while you can."

He stood. "You too."

"Bones?" He paused at the door. "Tell Chapel how you feel. Now isn't the time for regrets."

His walk back to the sickbay was a long one. He could hear weeping inside the rooms as he passed them. The Enterprise's darkest hour – so many lost. So many he couldn't save. Later he would have to contact their families and tell them. It filled his heart with fear, but they deserved to know how they had defended their ship and died with honour. Small comfort that it would bring. The dead were still lost to the living. As Christine had almost been to him. He didn't want to live in a world without her.

The nurses were still quiet when he returned, and with no Chapel it fell to him to relieve as many as he could to get some sleep. They would need their rest while they could. Tomorrow would not be better. And their numbers were already decreased. They'd lost Seams. Hell, he'd have to tell his wife – that old battle-axe of a woman who had begrudgingly allowed her husband one last tour before they'd finally live out their retirement with their grandchildren, who would be living it out alone now. And Kier would be missing, mourning the loss of a child that would never breathe because he hadn't sent her away. He'd failed them all.

The office door was still open. At first he thought they were both fast asleep, Joanna curled into her side, but then realised Chapel was stroking her hair softly, her own spread around her like a halo. She was pale, but so beautiful and alive it made him catch his breath. Something about that image, Christine and his daughter, almost overwhelmed him, that terror of losing them both still too fresh. She must have felt his eyes on her, because she opened them and met his, raising a finger to her lips in warning, smiling that smile that lit up her eyes. Something in him broke. He moved without meaning to, took her face in his hands and kissed her. For a second he could feel her surprise and kept it gentle, scared of hurting her, but then she kissed him back, comforting him with that softness, taking that pain from him and sharing it. He felt her tremble slightly under his mouth, but with her free hand she pulled him closer with surprising strength, understanding his need, filling that hole in his soul that was gaping open. When they broke he was breathing hard and she opened her eyes slowly, blue and clear and full of fire.

"Christine..." He struggled to find the words even now. "I-." Joanna mumbled and sat up and it died on his lips as he dropped his hands from her.

"Dad?" She yawned, but he couldn't remove his eyes from the woman in front of him. There was a look that flickered across her face he didn't understand, but then she was calmness again.

"You should take her to bed, doctor." She told him softly.

He nodded reluctantly. Damn it, she had to know how he felt now. Surely she couldn't doubt? Unless she didn't want him? But her kiss said otherwise. She wanted him, even if she didn't admit it to herself. This wasn't over.

"Come on Joanna. Let's go home." He lifted his daughter to her feet and she leaned against his legs in exhaustion. Poor thing. But Chapel was pale too – he hadn't forgotten. He hyposprayed her, hoping to ease her pain as she'd eased his.

"Thank you." She told him sincerely, and he had to resist that impulse to kiss her again.

"I'll ask Temple to watch you."

"I'm fine."

The familiarity of the conversation made him smile. "Of course you are. Goodnight Chapel."

"Goodnight Doctor." He felt her eyes on his back as they left.

Joanna seemed to wake up more as they walked back, and took his hand. He put her to bed in her clothes but she didn't close her eyes, and he didn't miss the fear he saw in them. He laid down on the bed next to her, and she curled up into him as he pulled the blanket over her. He knew she'd be scared to be alone tonight.

"Dad?" Her voice was hesitant.

"Yes?"

"I love you." The lump was in his throat again. He kissed her on the top of her head.

"I love you too."

He listened to the sound of her breathing for some time, and she surprised him when she spoke again. "Do you love Christine Dad?"

"Yes." There was no point denying it – not to her.

She paused again, her voice quiet. "I love her too." A few minutes later her breathing evened, but it took him a long time to fall asleep that night.


	43. Chapter 16 Part I Sixteen Minutes C

16. Sixteen minutes – Christine

Part I

_Ok so this final chapter – I apologise for the confusion – to make things clear, my chapters these days are multi-parted (multiple FF chapters). I can't decide whether to do this in 3 or 4 parts – it depends on how the characters behave, but I'll let you know. Many of you will be slightly disappointed that you haven't seen more Joanna and Jim , and Joanna and Spock moments – I was originally going to put them in it's true. However, I've now decided that I'm going to put them in my story of Jim and Joanna – its first part has all the times they meet as she grows up (including how they first met, which is rather funny), and you'll get to see the Taking of the Enterprise from her eyes, and what happened in those hours she spent with Jim. Anyhow, that's by and by. Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster in final parts. For this I like Set Fire to the Rain by Adele. It's time that all the pieces come together. Thanks for reading and please review._

She was running late. It was a rare occurrence, but she had found it more difficult than she had anticipated to dress herself when every bend caused her to catch her breath. She had learnt the extent of her injuries from Temple, and a small amount of pain was nothing considering that, by all accounts, she should be dead. What the doctor had done to save her she knew was nothing short of miraculous – especially given the circumstances. But for her life, there were so many dead. She had gone to see to them this morning – showing Temple how to clean and dress the bodies. It was a hard task and had left her cold, and Temple weeping silently, as she shut eyes and wiped away blood. She understood the pain the doctor had been carrying last night now – the pain she had felt when he had kissed her. Had it been that need to feel something else that had drawn him to her? Or did his feelings for her go deeper? She remembered how scared he had been for her, and knew what she hoped.

The shuttlebay was teeming when she got there, and she politely moved her way through until she found them.

"Christine! You came!" Joanna ran and hugged her around the middle, causing her to wince. "Oh – sorry!" The girl picked up on her pain immediately.

"It's fine. And I didn't want to miss seeing you off. " She smiled at the small girl. Considering what she'd seen recently it was remarkable the girl was still able to smile back at her. She felt eyes on her face, and glanced at McCoy.

He frowned at her and her heart beat a little harder. She hadn't seen him since he had kissed her last night – although she knew that he'd been in the sickbay several times to check on patients. "I thought I told the nurses to make sure you stay in bed?"

"Things needed to be done Doctor."

He paused and then nodded, the darkness creeping onto his face. She knew he must have contacted all the families of the dead last night. It was a heavy burden he carried. She touched his arm in understanding and felt the tension under it. She knew he would take it personally that he had been unable to save them. Silly really, since the fault lay on her shoulders alone.

She noticed that Joanna had frozen and followed her eye-line. She was watching as they began to load the coffins onto the shuttle. The shuttlebay had fallen almost silent, all eyes on their fallen comrades who would be returned to their families on Earth. McCoy must have almost noticed his daughter's expression because he reached over and hugged her to him tightly.

"Is Doctor Seams there?" She asked in a small voice.

"Yes, he's there." The girl's eyes filled with tears and McCoy stroked her hair and turned her face away, his own becoming mask-like.

"He had a good, long life Joanna." She attempted to comfort her. "And he has a large family who will always remember him." Unlike so many of the others who had died, long before their time. And Kier's baby, who had never even seen it into this world.

Joanna nodded slowly, and the shuttle began to charge up. She saw the doctor's arm tighten around his daughter. It would never be easy to say goodbye.

"There you are – I thought I'd missed you." Jim parted the crowd easily and grinned at Joanna.

"Jim! You've come to say goodbye?" She looked pleased, despite the red-rim of her eyes.

"You bet. And to make sure your dad doesn't cry too hard when you leave." McCoy scowled at him, and Christine tried to smile.

"Dad won't cry." Joanna assured him, then hugged her father around the waist affectionately. The look McCoy was giving her made her wonder whether that was true. She was certainly feeling that pressure behind her eyes.

"Well if you say so." Jim smiled.

Joanna looked suddenly worried. "We'll still be friends, Jim, after I leave?"

"Of course we will be."

She saw McCoy open his mouth, but then seemed to think better of whatever he had been about to say when Joanna hugged the captain. She wondered if he'd finally come to terms with the fact that his daughter and best friend were bound to have to get to know each other. Jim gave him a look of amusement and patted Joanna's head, but she didn't fail to notice that he had slipped a small PADD into her jacket pocket. He always had been good at slight of hand. She wondered what was up to – and why he didn't want McCoy to know about it. She would have to ask him when all this was over.

"Well kid, I'll best be off. I've got captaining to do."

Joanna looked up and frowned at him. "Don't call me kid."

"Alright sassy." He laughed, ruffled her hair. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you." He gave her a final grin and disappeared into the crowd.

McCoy muttered something under his breath that she couldn't quite make out, but turned to his daughter with a small smile. "The shuttle's boarding Joanna."

The tears were suddenly back in her eyes. "Are you sure I have to go? I could just stay here... I'd be braver, I promise."

McCoy wrapped an arm around the girl. "You were perfectly brave, sweetheart, and I'm proud of you. But I want you to be safe."

The girl nodded, sniffing a little, but accepted it without further complaint. She knew how hard it would be to leave the security of her father after what she had been through, and admired her courage as the heaviness settled back in her chest. She wondered if she'd be able to show such courage when her turn came.

Joanna turned to her and she bent down and embraced her tightly. "It was nice to meet you Christine." She said into her shoulder.

"It was lovely to meet you too." She told her quietly. Somehow she'd come to love the girl in the short days that she'd known her. She wondered how anyone couldn't. She kissed her on the forehead and released her to McCoy.

The doctor bent as she had and she embraced him, close to tears. "I love you dad."

"I love you too." His voice was gruff and she had to look away before tears started forming in her own eyes. Joanna whispered something in his ear and his eyes immediately moved to hers, frowning. Then he chuckled. "I'll consider it." Her interest was pricked but clearly the whispered words of a child to her father we not for her to know. She kissed her father's cheek and then moved away, her face a picture of bravery only being given away by a slightly trembling bottom lip.

"Well bye."

McCoy nodded and they stood together and watched her ascend the steps onto the shuttle with those others who would also return to Earth.

"You know Chapel, Joanna told me she'd decided that she wants to be a nurse." His voice was quiet as they watched the shuttle start its engines.

She glanced at him, but his face was blank and unreadable. "Really? Did you try and talk her out of it?"

He glanced at her with a frown. "Of course not. She's easily stubborn enough to be a nurse."

She smiled at him. "She's also stubborn enough to be a doctor."

"She's far too brave to be a doctor." His eyes darkened and he looked back at the ship as it began its take off. There was a sadness in his face. She understood and took his hand. He would never forgive himself for Joanna. Nothing she could say would make that better.

"You were right about Kier." She told him quietly, the dull ache in her chest forcing her to give him that. The nurse had come into the sickbay to see her this morning. She had made the decision to stay aboard, explaining quietly how she needed Zuvolt, and he needed her. She wished she had the woman's strength.

He nodded, eyes still on the shuttle. "I wish I wasn't, Chapel."

"Me too."

He squeezed her hand and they stood side by side and watched the shuttle fly out the bay, taking his daughter to safety. There was a pain in her chest, a heaviness that she realised was fear. With her hand in the doctor's she felt braver, but she knew she couldn't hold on to it for long. Her final test was coming, and so was the end.

The sickbay was subdued but busy. It had been all day but she struggled to focus. She watched McCoy out of the corner of her eye and waited. He was bent over a patient, speaking earnestly, professional and reassuring. Their kiss last night weighed heavily on her mind – that heady mix of gentleness and need, lighting a fire in her that even pain couldn't put out. She wished he would call her into his office, that he would hold her, that she might have the chance to tell him how she felt before it was too late. But when Jim entered, she knew she was out of time. She knew that look on the Captain's face well.

"I'm coming." She joined the captain and doctor as they talked quietly, her voice quiet but firm. She needed the truth now – all of it – and where ever they were going, she was going too.

McCoy scowled and looked away, but she felt relieved when he didn't protest. He knew she was involved, but she was worried his protectiveness of her might override anything else.

Jim grinned at her. "Of course, Nurse Chapel. But I warn you, it might get ugly."

She shook her head with confidence. "It won't."

Jim looked surprised, but didn't ask how she was so sure. Well, he would find out soon. "Come then." He headed out at a quick pace.

McCoy glanced at her, holding her there. "You don't have to do this, Chapel." He looked worried and she didn't deserve it. She felt a strong urge to kiss him for caring.

She met his eyes and willed him to understand. "Yes I do." There were consequences for every action. He'd taught her that.

He looked like he was going to say something more, and she held her breath, but he shook his head and followed Jim out.

Spock was waiting outside the captain's ready room with several security staff and it took her a moment to realise exactly what he was planning. He was risking his career on this – but Jim had always been one to take risks. She was going to have to work hard to make sure they came out unscathed. Starfleet needed him today.

"What the hell is the meaning of this?" Pike looked furious as they walked in. The party had been supposed to beam down to Earth a few hours ago. Admiral Brooks was giving Kirk an outraged look, but Chapman's face was blank and unreadable. He was the one she needed to convince, she realised. But where was Plat? Had they allowed him to leave?

"Forgive me, gentlemen, for the hold up, but I think that there's a few things we need to discuss." Jim said smoothly, and took his seat in his chair as the others continued to stand. Pike had fallen silent, and she had the feeling that he was more frustrated than angry. He would understand what the deaths meant to a captain.

"Discuss? Kirk, how dare you. I always knew you were reckless, but this – taking us hostage when there's about to be an attack on Earth – is insane." Brooks was fuming. "I don't see how you went along with this." He turned to Spock with a glare.

"Admiral, I feel it is impossible to defend Earth without knowing the details of our enemy. Your confinement, I assure you, is merely temporary."

"Of course it's temporary. Do you think that Starfleet are going to allow you to keep us here?"  
Jim shrugged. "Given the circumstances I think Starfleet have a bit more on their mind than a few admirals on a Starfleet ship. Now I want some answers and you're going to give them to me."

Brooks shook his head. "We've discussed enough. At the moment there are five starships encircling Earth trying to stop the biggest attack we've seen in several hundred years. You should be preparing, not talking."

"How many ships?" Jim asked with a frown.

"At least two-hundred. They've taken down our sentry offensive in sector one." That jolted her. The sentry system around Earth had been established around the sector years ago, and was guarded by more than starships. If they could get through that, five ships around Earth were not going to stand a chance. "We've sent out a distress call to all Federation ships in the area, and the whole of Earth is on high alert to expect an invasion." For when they failed. When the Enterprise went down.

Jim shook his head as she heard McCoy catch his breath. "Why? Why did they take the Enterprise? Don't tell me it's for the ship – there are plenty of easier targets than us." The Admirals gave no answer, but Pike's eyes flickered to her. "I think you underestimate how much I need answers, Admiral, and what I'm willing to do to get them."

He moved closer to the admiral, exuding menace, and Christine finally realised how angry Jim was. Spock remained motionless and the doctor was silent. Well, she wouldn't let him do this.

"For me." She forced the words out and turned to look out the window, before her emotions became too obvious. Earth – that beautiful blue and green planet – met her eyes. She would do what it took to protect it – and the people she cared about.

Brooks cleared his throat. "You see, Kirk, perhaps you should have looked for answers closer to home."

"Christine?" Jim didn't move from his position.

"They wanted to take me. That's why they took the Enterprise." The man with the golden eyes had made it clear. She was feeling calmer now she had said it.

"Take you? Damn it, they shot you." McCoy finally spoke, sounding disbelieving and angry. Well he had every reason to be angry with her now.

"They were ordered not to touch the nurses. I told them I was the CMO to protect Zuvolt." She told him quietly.

"Well that makes sense." She heard Pike state frankly.

"Sense? How the hell does that make sense?" McCoy sounded furious.

"Maybe you should tell us." Chapman spoke for the first time. "Tell me, Nurse Chapel, about Roger Korby."

His name brought a feeling of finality to her. Had it been a dream – that conversation she'd had with him? Surely it had to be – he was dead. She had shot him. And yet she didn't doubt the things that he'd told her.

"Christine?" Jim's voice was gentle but demanding. She didn't know how to begin. Because there were still a few pieces missing in her own mind.

"You know I remembered something recently?" She finally said, watching Earth turn. "Roger spent a few years on Katarrea VII before I met him." She remembered him telling her about the golden-eyed species now. It had been one of the many memories she had locked away. "The people there call themselves the V'naree. It literally translates as the chosen people – and that's what they believe – that they are the people chosen by a higher being to rule the universe. Their entire society is based on this principle, and they look down on all other species, although they viewed Roger with something like good-humour. They particularly dislike the Federation because they believe it is taking their rightful ruling place."

"So the Katarrean's are involved because they want to rule the universe? What do the other species in the I'sorta think of that?" Jim asked.

"Captain, I imagine that their overall aims have been hidden from members of their group." Spock put in. "Let us not forget how little anyone really knows about this species. Please continue Nurse Chapel."

She took a breath. "When Roger discovered the equipment on Exo III he knew what he had found was huge – and that if he studied it openly it would lead to violence – forming perfect, undamageable people would inevitably cause a redistribution of power. Therefore he went missing in a shuttle crash, hoping to protect its secret but giving him the opportunity to study it himself." He hadn't wanted her assistance with that. She wondered what she would have said if he'd asked her to go with him. But then, he'd been having an affair at that point. He didn't want her anyway. Or did he? "When we found him we didn't know what he'd discovered, and he attempted to keep it that way. However, somehow a member of the I'sorta found out what he had and passed it on. I'm guessing that the Katarreans weren't involved with the group until then."

She paused and heard Chapman confirm her story. "It is true, the Katarreans were late-comers into the I'sorta. They took control quickly, forming the organised group we know now."

"To the Katarreans, I imagine the technology was exactly what they had been looking for – a way to exert their dominance and take away our free-will. Roger knew it would only be a matter of time until they attempted to find the equipment themselves, so he formulated a plan to keep it safe. He put me on the Enterprise."

"What?" McCoy's voice was sharp. "That's impossible."

"On the contrary, Doctor, it is quite possible." Admiral Brook's seemed weary suddenly. "As you can imagine, we've been looking hard into Korby's past contacts. One was a Klingon that I'm sure you'll remember, Kirk. He got you drunk and pushed you in the direction of Nurse Simkins. The fallout was predictable – the Enterprise needed a new head nurse, and Chapel was the most experienced nurse not on assignment."

"I hate feeling used." Jim grumbled. Well how did he think she felt? "But why put Christine on this ship?"

Now came the most difficult part to say. She attempted to steady her hands and her emotions. "Roger needed me on a ship with you, captain. You're the closest thing to family I have. When the time came, he needed to make sure I would pick your life over his."

"What? I don't understand?"

She slowly turned to face him, and the other eyes that were on her. McCoy looked equally confused. She knew it would be hard for him to believe that perhaps Korby hadn't been quite the villain they'd thought he had. It hadn't been easy for her either. She'd killed him after all. "Roger trusted me with more than just how the equipment worked. He'd been preparing me for something larger since I first met him." She hadn't seen that until now. "He needed me to kill him."

"Kill him?" This time Brooks sounded surprised. "Why would he want that?"

"Because he saw himself as weak. He knew that the Katarreans might be able to force him to use the equipment for their purposes. Me killing him was a test – he wanted to check that I would do everything it took to protect the equipment and innocents. I think he thought that I would continue his work – that I would prevent its destruction and somehow find a way to allow the clones to develop and learn. He had prepared me and tested me, and found me worthy to be the one to build his Utopia. Of course, his ideas were lost when the equipment was destroyed."

Jim and McCoy looked at one another. She saw Pike looked uncomfortable. That suspicion she'd carried, the one she hadn't wanted to truly consider, fell into place. She felt a sudden need to sit down, and leant against the wall to support herself. "Actually Christine, the equipment was stolen when they took the Danube."

"Members of the I'sorta were also able to steal Doctor Korby's notes from the Enterprise whilst we were incarcerated at the Daystrom Institute. I also believe this was the point when Engineer Argenn took control of our systems, allowing them to take over the Enterprise yesterday." Spock informed her without emotion.

She met McCoy's eyes and realised he didn't look surprised. She felt sick suddenly. He had known that Korby's equipment had been stolen? And he hadn't told her? After all that he knew. After all they had been through. She felt suddenly betrayed. She turned back away, and stared out of the window again. She realised just how alone she stood now.

"I don't understand. If they have everything, why do they still need Christine?" Jim sounded worried now.

"That is an interesting question." Chapman said softly, speaking for the first time. He reminded her of a snake, she realised. Or a spider. She wondered exactly how much of this came as news to him. "I don't believe they thought they did at first. The Romulan attack a few days after you left Exo was in an effort to get the papers. I believe the Romulan ambassador was attempting to get the papers when Commander Spock stopped him – leading to his unfortunate injury. When he failed Argenn was activated and he removed the papers – long before your systems went down in fact. However, our sources informed us that despite their ability to use the equipment, they hit a problem. They had no ability to command their clones. In fact, we believe that only one person does."

"Chapel." McCoy said, finality in his tone.

She put her head against the coolness of the glass. She had command of them? How? Had he wrote it into the program?

"It was me." Jim said suddenly. "Remember Christine – I told him to prove he trusted you by giving you command of them all. It must work for the future clones too."

"I remember." She replied quietly. She had tried to forget about the clones. Andrea – she would follow her now? And the others? She felt the further weight of responsibility. They were innocents – living in their closed worlds. She would have to protect them somehow too.

"So now they want Chapel? Damn it, do they honestly think if they'd got her that she would actually go along with it?" McCoy's voice was quiet and furious.

"These people are persuasive. I believe that was why they were taking all of the nurses – they needed collateral. Thankfully she passed herself off as the CMO."  
"She was shot!"

"Better that than taken."

"Damn it, you-."

"Easy Bones." Jim murmured. "So they're attacking Earth to overthrow the Federation."

"And they're coming for the nurse." Brooks added seriously. She took a deep breath, resolving herself. She had known what she needed to do – she simply hadn't realised how much was relying on it.

"Well I'm glad we know what we're facing now. How long until they get here?"

"Six hours or so." She could stop this. She could protect Earth and stop this. How many had died already because of her? She wouldn't allow anyone more. The burden was already more than she could bear. She should have known. She shouldn't have underestimated him.

"Well gentlemen, I appreciate your eventual honesty. You're free to leave when you are ready. Bones, Spock, you know what needs to be done."

"Of course sir."

"Come on Chapel." She felt the doctor's hands on her elbow, and he all but dragged her from the room. She realised a few seconds later that she was still angry with him. She pulled her arm from out of his hold and walked silently next to him. All eyes turned to them as they entered the sickbay, and she followed him into his office. She wouldn't cause a scene.

He sat down and poured them both a drink. She took her seat slowly, trying to calm herself. His face was blank but his eyes were furious. She downed the drink in one. It would be better this way.

"You knew." She tried to keep the accusation from her voice, but it came out anyway. "You knew about the equipment, and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't tell you? Damn it woman, what about all the things you didn't tell me?" He sounded tired.

"I only worked it out myself yesterday. How long did you know about it all, doctor? You know, I expect Jim and Spock to keep things from me, but not you. I thought you trusted me?"

"This has got nothing to do with trust." He was frowning, his eyes hot on hers.

"Then what has it got to do with? You thought you wouldn't tell me about something that is directly to do with me? Is it because I'm just a nurse? You thought I would be stupid to understand?"

"Don't be idiotic. Of course I don't."

"Then why?"

"Because I didn't have the chance."

"Don't lie to me."

He stood up, hitting the desk hard. "Because I was trying to do that damned right thing Chapel." He was looking at her in a way that scared her, that made her feel breathless, and for a moment she wondered if they were talking about the same thing. Then the fight seemed to go out of him, and he sat back down heavily, rubbing his face with shaking hands. She wanted to reach out and hold him, but she couldn't. Not if she wanted to carry through what she had to.

"You should have told me." She whispered.

"I know, Chapel." He looked up at her and saw sincerity in his eyes. The only apology he would give her. The only one she needed. She remembered his lips on hers, the way that he had kissed her with that desperation. The way that he cared. Almost two days ago she had faced a phaser to make sure he was safe. This time she would have to face more than a simple shot – she would have to face the things that truly terrified her – the man with the golden eyes. But there was no option. It wasn't just a few she would have to protect this time. This was for her whole planet. She shut her eyes.

"Christine?" She felt him come beside her, touching her face almost hesitantly.

"I'm..." She was going to say fine – but that was too much of a lie. "Tired." Tired of being a chess piece in someone else's game. Tired of being scared. But no more.

"You should go and get some rest." His voice was quiet.

"Yes."

"I'll come and check on you."

"Ok." He moved away and she stood up almost blindly. She wanted him to reach for her but she was grateful that he didn't. She left quietly, giving him a smile to reassure that frown on his face. She felt his eyes follow her from the sickbay and kept her pace calm.

Once out she leant on the wall of the corridor for a moment. No second choice now. She was decided. It gave her the steadiness she needed. She wasn't calm exactly – how could she be. But she was resolved. Instead of turning to her quarters she moved back towards Jim's office.

"Nurse Chapel." None of the three admirals looked surprised to see her when she walked in. She realised belatedly that she hadn't knocked.

"Forgive me, sir." The captain was no longer present. Well that made this somewhat easier.

"How can we help you, nurse?" Pike was looking at her with slight apprehension.

"I think you know how."

She heard Brooks bark a laugh behind her. "So you were right about her, Chapman." Pike frowned.

"Sir. I need you to allow me to take a shuttle." She wasn't in the mood for playing their games. She'd had enough of that now. She addressed Pike only. "I know where the Danube was going." She'd plotted the course for the Enterprise. It would have gone to the same place – she felt sure of that.

Pike shook his head. "Chapel, I appreciate you're feel guilty, but handing yourself to them is giving them exactly what they want."

"Nonsense Pike." Brooks interrupted. "The tables have turned. They have nothing to hold over her. She's the only one that's going to be able to get on that ship."

"And what then?" Pike sounded irritated – clearly going over the captain's head didn't sit well with him. She knew why. He was an honourable man – a different breed from the other two in the room.

She met his eyes calmly. "I also need the self-destruct code for the ship." There was silence.

"A suicide mission?" Pike finally said, turning to Chapman with anger in his eyes. "This is what you wanted her to do?"

"Do you see any choice, Pike?" The admiral pursed his lips and she understood. There wasn't any choice. They all knew that.

"The codes are here – memorise them." Brooks passed her a PADD and she read quickly. "We will make sure you have the shuttle – number three should suffice. Kirk?" He glanced at Chapman.

"Pike will deal with him."

"Admiral, if I succeed, do you think they will cease the attack on Earth?" She had to ask.

"It is possible. I don't think, given Earth's history, that they honestly believe they will be able to occupy the planet without this technology. Other Federation planets will come to our aid." His words strengthened her – even if she wasn't entirely sure whether they were true.

"I hope so." She kept her voice calm. Let them be safe.

"Nurse Chapel." Chapman gave her a phaser. "Do not forget what is hanging on this. If the self-destruct does not work..." He looked pointedly at the phaser and she understood, even as her stomach twisted painfully.

"I will do what is necessary Admiral." She assured him. She hoped it was true. Putting a phaser to her head was not a way she had envisioned dying – and she had imagined many ways in her nightmares. But every action had consequences. She'd killed Roger. This was hers.

"Very good."

All three pairs of eyes were on hers. She smiled softly at them, hoping that she looked more confident than she felt. "Wish me luck, sir."

Pike saluted her and she felt tears prick her eyes. "Good luck, Nurse Chapel." He paused. "Is there anyone you would like me to contact?"

To inform of her death. It hit her like cold water. There really would be no coming back from this. "No. I have no one off this ship. Thank you sir."

He nodded and the two other admirals stood to attention. "Dismissed, Nurse Chapel."

She saluted them all and turned to face her fate. It wasn't until ten minutes later, as she flew the shuttle from the Enterprise, as she ignored the hails from the ship, as she left everyone she cared about, that the tears came. She plotted the course with a trembling hand and blurred vision. She felt scared, terrified really, and sick. But worse of all, she felt guilty. She'd never said goodbye – not to any of them. To Sulu, who she'd spared with all those hours, to Gaila and Uhura, who had been nothing short of wonderful friends to her, to Jim, who had become an extraordinary captain, and who she would always love as a brother. And McCoy – the tears were for him. Because she'd never tell him how she felt. Because she'd never find out if he had feelings for her. Because she would never feel his arms around her, or see that half-smile, or the humour in his eyes when he felt she was being ridiculous. Because she knew he'd blame himself, even if there was no reason. But better that then him dead, she assured herself. She only wished she'd kissed him goodbye now.

And then a sound broke her thoughts, and she stood, swinging around with her phaser in hand.

"Are you out of your damned mind Chapel?" There he was – real, and beautiful, and furious. She took him in silently, unable to move for the shock. He grabbed the phaser from her hand violently. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She wondered for a second whether he might use it on her. He looked angry enough. "I didn't spend those hours patching you up so you could get yourself killed." He took her by the shoulders, fingers digging in painfully and shook her hard. "You and your damn angel-of-mercy complex. You just have to be so damned heroic. I swear Chapel, I'm going to throttle you myself. Do you have any idea what you do to me? Do you?" He paused for barely a second, seemed to actually look at her and the tears on her face, and then, before she'd been able to gather her senses to make a response, was kissing her just as violently. She couldn't breathe – he was pinning her hard against the back of the chair, and somewhere her mind told her that that hurt, but she didn't care, and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer as he crushed his lips to hers, overwhelming all of her senses. Eventually he seemed to realise what he was doing, and softened the kiss, wrapping his arms around her tightly, easing the pressure. She trembled as her feelings for him threatened to overwhelm her. They broke breathlessly and she knew that she was lost – that if he asked her to fly back to the Enterprise she would. She gave him a look of simple supplication. There was no choice. She had to do this.

The shuttle rocked suddenly, and she lost her balance but he steadied her. He always did. "Aren't you meant to be flying this thing Chapel?" He met her eyes and she understood. He was coming with her. She took her chair again silently and initiated the flightplan. She knew she should make him go back to the Enterprise. This wasn't his burden to bear. But she needed his strength. She needed him at her side. She was selfish. She would just have to make sure he survived. Somehow.


	44. Chapter 16 Part I Sixteen Minutes McCoy

16. Sixteen Minutes – McCoy

Part I

_Sorry about such a late update everyone. It's exam season again unfortunately, and I've been doing a lot of on call. Thankfully that's largely over now, so I should have this finished relatively promptly. Sorry if this is slightly incoherent – I'm pretty sleep deprived, so apologies for the probable spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading. _

He picked up her luggage. "Alright Joanna, you sure you've got everything?" His quarters were already looking barer without his daughter's things littering it. How could he have got so used to it in only a handful of days?

"Yep." She emerged from under the bed and gave him a grin. Hardly convincing.

"Well I'll send you anything I find."

"Ok."

"Ready?"

She gave the room a long sweeping look, as if memorising it. "Yep."

He put an arm around her and they walked out towards the bay. The corridors were silent except for the measured pace of the extra security. Jim was taking no chances now. The sooner Joanna was off the ship the better.

"Dad?"

"Yes Joanna?"

"I know what I want to do when I'm older now."

He glanced down at her. She was surveying the security with interest. "And what's that?"

"I want to be a head nurse, like Christine."

He was momentarily speechless. Then he couldn't help but smile. "I don't think your mother is going to like that." He had a feeling in fact, that her mother would do everything in her power to change her mind. It was a good job the young girl was stubborn.

Joanna shared his smile. "Me neither. Do you think I could be one?"

"I think you could do anything. But you'll have to work hard if you want to be as good as Chapel."

"I know. Do you think she'd teach me things? Maybe she could come with you when we go camping?"

She gave him a knowing smile. How the hell had she mastered that at eight years old was beyond him. Damn it, he'd told her he loved her. She'd better not say anything. On the other hand, part of him did hope that she tested those waters. He would have to say something to the Chapel. He couldn't kiss her for a second time and say nothing. Especially when they were heading towards hell knew what. Especially when the feeling of terror he'd felt when he'd almost lost her would never leave him. Especially when she'd kissed him back the way she had. He just had to work out how he would tell her. Preferably in a way that wouldn't make her cry, run for cover, or pity him.

The shuttle was ready in the bay and he passed across her luggage as Joanna examined it with a frown. "Are the admirals going to be on the shuttle again?"

"No, they're beaming down separately."

She glanced at him. "To sort out how to protect Earth?"

He frowned. How had she picked up that? "Yes." He told her honestly.

"Oh." She looked worried. "Jim said that the people who tried to steal the Enterprise were of the worst sort. That means they'll try to kill lots of people, doesn't it?"

Damn it. He didn't want her to worry about that. She had woken him twice in the night with nightmares. She was too young to feel that sort of insecurity. "They might try, but they won't succeed."

"Why?"

He thought quickly. "Because we have Jim and he's the luckiest man I've ever met."

"Really?" She looked wide-eyed.

"Really." He attempted a smile. "After all, he's still in one piece, despite attracting more trouble than even you."

"I don't attract trouble." She looked offended.

"Well, I suppose these last few days you've been good. Maybe you've grown out of it."

She frowned. "Mum says I'll never grow out of it. Christine! You came!" The girl span and flung herself at his head nurse, who had appeared from nowhere and winced when she hugged her. "Oh – sorry!" She looked tired and pale, but smiled at his daughter in a way that made his pulse quicken.

"It's fine. And I didn't want to miss seeing you off. " Chapel was looking down in her face, reading it closely. She was worried about the long-term effects on Joanna too. He'd spoken to his mother last night, organising some therapy for her when she left the ship. He wondered if that would be enough. Damn it, he should have listened to his instincts. And he should be there for her now.

He realised that Chapel was looking at him now with that same searching look, and that he was frowning at her. He attempted to shift his morbid thoughts. "I thought I told the nurses to make sure you stay in bed?" He knew that it would make no difference – she was stubborn when she wanted to be, and she would never be able to watch others work and not help, but he'd tried at least. He should have followed his initial instinct and carried her back to his quarters and made sure she rested. She would need all her strength for what was to come. Only if he'd done that he had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't have allowed her to rest at all.

"Things needed to be done Doctor." Her eyes were still on his face, and he saw a glimmer of her own pain. She had dealt with the bodies earlier, he knew that. He'd spent much of the night contacting families as Joanna slept. It had been unpleasant, especially since he could now understand their pain all the better. He should have been there. He should have been able to save them. What came out of their mouths was nothing he didn't deserve. Chapel touched his arm in understanding and he glanced down into those blue eyes, but her face was turned from him, watching Joanna again. His daughter had paled, her face almost blank. She was watching as they loaded the coffins onto the shuttle. Oh hell. He reached over and held her against him tightly.

"Is Doctor Seams there?" She asked in a small voice.

"Yes, he's there." He answered honestly and her eyes filled with tears. He turned her face away and stroked her hair as he felt her shudder.

"He had a good, long life Joanna." Christine told her in a soft, comforting voice. "And he has a large family who will always remember him." Unlike so many of the others. Joanna nodded and the shuttle began to charge up. His arm tightened around her reflexively, and he forced himself to relax. He had to make her leave. She was going to safety. So why did it feel like he was doing something awful? Hell, he wished he'd never joined Starfleet. She needed a father and he was a mere shadow of what he should be.

"There you are – I thought I'd missed you." Jim waltzed through the crowd, seemingly oblivious to the salutes, his eyes fixed on his daughter. Damn it.

"Jim! You've come to say goodbye?" Joanna perked up almost immediately and gave his friend a smile. Oh hell.

"You bet. And to make sure your dad doesn't cry too hard when you leave." Jim gave him a knowing grin and he scowled. The man had only been with her for a few hours but he was all too aware of the effects of James T. Kirk on females of all ages. He could already see the seeds of affection in his daughter's eyes.

"Dad won't cry." Joanna defended him, and hugged him tightly around the waist. Hell, at least he would always be the first in her affections. She was his little girl after all – every inch of that stubborn, brilliant, beautiful girl a McCoy.

"Well if you say so." Jim smiled.

The smile turned to a frown of worry on her face and he had to resist turning an accusing look on his friend. "We'll still be friends, Jim, after I leave?"

"Of course we will be." Like hell they would be – a friendship between a small girl and a man like Jim was asking for trouble. She got into enough trouble of her own without needing Jim's influence. However, Joanna hugged his friend tightly and his words of protest died on his lips. Damn, he'd have to speak to Jim later. The man glanced at him with amusement as if reading is thoughts and patted his daughter on the head. He had a feeling he wasn't going to make it easy for him. He genuinely seemed to like her.

"Well kid, I'll best be off. I've got captaining to do."

Joanna looked up and frowned at him. "Don't call me kid."

"Alright sassy." Jim laughed and he frowned. Sassy? "I'm sure I'll be seeing you." He gave them all a final smile and disappeared into the crowd.

"Don't count on it." He muttered under his breath, then forced himself under control. Best make this no harder than it had to be. He turned back to his daughter with what he hoped was a smile. "The shuttle's boarding Joanna."

It was so hard when she looked like she was going to cry again. "Are you sure I have to go? I could just stay here... I'd be braver, I promise."

Her voice tugged at his chest and he wrapped an arm around him. "You were perfectly brave, sweetheart, and I'm proud of you. But I want you to be safe." He wouldn't risk her again – he promised himself that much. She nodded and he felt the buffer of relief.

She turned to Chapel, and the woman gracefully lowered herself to her level. "It was nice to meet you Christine." She embraced her tightly, and Christine held her back. He realised quite how good a stepmother she would be to her.

"It was lovely to meet you too." She told her sincerely. And a good mother too. To his children. Hell, it was too late to stifle those sorts of thoughts. His heart was all too clear what his intentions were towards her. He watched mutely as she kissed the girl on the forehead and bend to take her into his arms.

"I love you dad." Her voice was thick, and hell, he was having trouble controlling himself too.

"I love you too."

She reached around and breathed in his ear. "Don't worry dad, I think you might have a chance with Christine."

His eyes unwillingly shifted to the woman, who looked curious, and he couldn't help but chuckle. At least someone thought he had a chance with her.

"I'll consider it."

The girl smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Well bye."

He couldn't trust himself to speak and instead nodded. He wasn't sure why this parting was harder than the rest. Perhaps because he wasn't sure whether he would see her again. Caroline had threatened as much when he'd told her what had happened. She blamed him for allowing her onto the ship in the first place. As if he had wanted this. As if he had known it was coming. But he had taken her fury nonetheless, because it was no less than he deserved.

He and Chapel stood together and watched her ascend the steps onto the shuttle. He felt a wave of nausea– hell, let the shuttle be safe. He spoke to distract himself.

"You know Chapel, Joanna told me she'd decided that she wants to be a nurse."

He felt her eyes on his face. "Really? Did you try and talk her out of it?" Damn it – did she really think he had such a low opinion of nurses? Or was she joking? He tried to read it on her face, but she wasn't giving him much.

"Of course not. She's easily stubborn enough to be a nurse."

She gave him a smile, and he felt his heart speed up painfully in response. "She's also stubborn enough to be a doctor."

"She's far too brave to be a doctor." He said, without thinking. Hell, braver than him at any rate. She could still smile and laugh after seeing what she had yesterday. His little girl had had to grow up far too quickly. All his fault.

He felt Chapel take his hand, breaking his thoughts with her softness. Hell, he needed her here so much – she had to know that. They stood in silence for a short while before she felt the need to break it.

"You were right about Kier." Her voice was as soft as the hand in his, but he felt her pain.

"I wish I wasn't, Chapel." He told her. He wished they'd made it to Earth and got Kier to safety. He wished the Enterprise was a safe enough place to raise a family. He'd spoken to Zuvolt this morning. He was taking it hard. It was a difficult day when a man realised that he wasn't strong enough to protect the things he cared the most about.

"Me too." The sorrow in her voice hurt him, and he squeezed her hand, suppressing an inclination to wrap his arms around her just to feel her close. He just needed to find those words. He watched the ship carry his daughter away and promised himself he'd find them before their next fight came.

The sickbay still heaved from the day before, and he kept away from her from longer than he planned seeing to his patients needs. He felt her eyes on him occasionally from across the room, patiently waiting for him. Well he wouldn't keep her waiting for much longer. It was time to man-up.

"Bones?"

"Damn it." The voice was too damn early. He'd thought he'd had more time.

"Clearly you're not pleased to see me." Jim gave him a smile that made him scowl.

"I'm not pleased about what we're about to do."

The captain gave him a look. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jim. Of course I do." He needed answers as much as he did. Maybe more. Protecting her was easily worth his career. He shrugged. "Besides, I don't trust Spock to get your back."

Jim laughed. "Well, just think, when this is over us three might have plenty of bonding time in a cell somewhere."

"Don't even joke, Jim." Nothing he did was worth that sort of punishment.

"Right, let's..." He trailed off and he turned just in time to watch Chapel take the final steps to join them. Her face was set. Oh hell.

"I'm coming." Her voice was quiet but brooked no arguments.

Jim gave her a surprised look, and then grinned. Clearly he was unused to Chapel's intuition. He should have been. Damn it. "Of course, Nurse Chapel." Of course? What the hell? He swallowed his rage. Jim had said he'd have to involve her, and there was no point getting missish now. "But I warn you, it might get ugly." That was an understatement. Kidnapping three admirals might get them all court martialled.

"It won't." She shook her head and looked so sure it made him more nervous. How the hell could she know? Damn it, his nerves couldn't take much more right now.

"Come then." Jim left without a glance, but something held him back. He looked her over – she looked tired and tense – he could see it in her eyes. Hell, she was lying in a coma yesterday. He was her doctor, he had a duty of care. That wasn't the thing that prompted to speak.

"You don't have to do this, Chapel."

"Yes I do." There was a firmness in her eyes – a quiet acceptance that scared him. He had a sudden desire to lock her in his office. Hell, if he thought if it was possible he probably would have done so. But it wasn't. He shook his head at her wearily and wished she wasn't quite so stubborn.

Spock was waiting outside the ready room with six security personnel and he swallowed the bile in his throat. No going back now. It was time for the truth – one way or another. Hell, at least Spock would stop Jim going too far. At least he hoped. The Vulcan seemed more serious than usual, which didn't bode well.

"What the hell is the meaning of this?" Pike was angry. Well, that was understandable – he would want to be at the forefront of any attack, not stuck on this ship. At least not in the ready room. He was like Jim in that respect.

"Forgive me, gentlemen, for the hold up, but I think that there's a few things we need to discuss." There was an edge in Jim's voice that shut Pike up immediately as he took his chair. Brooks however either wasn't smart enough, or was angry enough that he didn't notice.

"Discuss? Kirk, how dare you. I always knew you were reckless, but this – taking us hostage when there's about to be an attack on Earth – is insane." Brooks turned to Spock with a glare. "I don't see how you went along with this."He liked how he wasn't included in that.

"Admiral, I feel it is impossible to defend Earth without knowing the details of our enemy. Your confinement, I assure you, is merely temporary."

"Of course it's temporary. Do you think that Starfleet are going to allow you to keep us here?"  
He almost laughed at how self-important the man was, but Jim merely shrugged. "Given the circumstances I think Starfleet have a bit more on their mind than a few admirals on a Starfleet ship. Now I want some answers and you're going to give them to me."

"We've discussed enough. At the moment there are five starships encircling Earth trying to stop the biggest attack we've seen in several hundred years. You should be preparing, not talking."

"How many ships?"

"At least two-hundred. They've taken down our sentry offensive in sector one." Damn it. How was that possible? If they'd taken the sentry, what did that mean for Earth's own protection? – Five starships were nothing alone. They already knew too well what they could do to the Enterprise. "We've sent out a distress call to all Federation ships in the area, and the whole of Earth is on high alert to expect an invasion." He caught his breath as his chest tightened. Damn it. Joanna. His mother. What would become of them if Earth was invaded? Help from further afield wouldn't arrive here in time. That was what the Enterprise was for – buying time until other Federation back-up could reach them.

Jim was shaking his head. "Why? Why did they take the Enterprise? Don't tell me it's for the ship – there are plenty of easier targets than us." No one answered, but he saw Pike's eyes flash to Chapel, who was standing quietly at the wall, face closed. Oh hell... "I think you underestimate how much I need answers, Admiral, and what I'm willing to do to get them."

Jim was walking towards Brooks, his eyes dark. If he punched the admiral, he wasn't going to stop him. Hell, it might make him feel a bit better. Spock thankfully remained silent for once too. He almost jumped when Chapel spoke.

"For me." Her voice was blank and Jim paused. She was staring out of the window, face obscured from view. He felt the panic rise in him.

"You see, Kirk, perhaps you should have looked for answers closer to home." Brooks' face was so self-satisfied he would have wiped it from his face if he was closer. He could see Jim itching to do the same.

"Christine?" Jim's eyes were still on Brooks.

"They wanted to take me. That's why they took the Enterprise." Damn it – she was blaming herself for this? Was she out of her mind? Was that why she had wanted to come?

"Take you? Damn it, they shot you." He pointed out angrily. Clearly he was the only one thinking straight here.

"They were ordered not to touch the nurses. I told them I was the CMO to protect Zuvolt." Of course she had. Damn it. She just had to be so damn self-sacrificing.

"Well that makes sense." Pike said nonchalantly.

"Sense? How the hell does that make sense?" He was out of patience, and was controlling his temper by a thread. Someone better start talking quickly before he hit someone.

"Maybe you should tell us." Chapman gave him a steady look that made him grind his teeth, then moved it to Chapel's back. "Tell me, Nurse Chapel, about Roger Korby."

She made no response, but he noticed the stiffening of her shoulders and it made him want to reach out and wrap his arms around her to protect her from all their stares.

"Christine?" Jim asked her softly.

She stared out of the window for a moment more, clearly resolving herself, then began quietly. "You know I remembered something recently? Roger spent a few years on Katarrea VII before I met him. The people there call themselves the V'naree. It literally translates as the chosen people – and that's what they believe – that they are the people chosen by a higher being to rule the universe. Their entire society is based on this principle, and they look down on all other species, although they viewed Roger with something like good-humour. They particularly dislike the Federation because they believe it is taking their rightful ruling place."

"So the Katarrean's are involved because they want to rule the universe? What do the other species in the I'sorta think of that?" Jim sounded bemused. He was feeling something close to panic as the pieces clicked into place in his own mind.

"Captain, I imagine that their overall aims have been hidden from members of their group." Spock put in as usual. "Let us not forget how little anyone really knows about this species. Please continue Nurse Chapel."

She took a breath, steadying herself for the rest, and he took a deep breath of his own. "When Roger discovered the equipment on Exo III he knew what he had found was huge – and that if he studied it openly it would lead to violence – forming perfect, undamageable people would inevitably cause a redistribution of power. Therefore he went missing in a shuttle crash, hoping to protect its secret but giving him the opportunity to study it himself. When we found him we didn't know what he'd discovered, and he attempted to keep it that way. However, somehow a member of the I'sorta found out what he had and passed it on. I'm guessing that the Katarreans weren't involved with the group until then."

"It is true, the Katarreans were late-comers into the I'sorta. They took control quickly, forming the organised group we know now." Chapman's voice was emotionless, but he didn't like the look in his eyes as he gazed at the nurse.

She continued as if she hadn't heard him. "To the Katarreans, I imagine the technology was exactly what they had been looking for – a way to exert their dominance and take away our free-will. Roger knew it would only be a matter of time until they attempted to find the equipment themselves, so he formulated a plan to keep it safe. He put me on the Enterprise."

"What?" She had to be damn well joking. "That's impossible."

"On the contrary, Doctor, it is quite possible." Admiral Brook's didn't sound surprised. They'd known. Damn it – they'd known and hadn't said anything. The fury was rolling through him in waves. "As you can imagine, we've been looking hard into Korby's past contacts. One was a Klingon that I'm sure you'll remember, Kirk. He got you drunk and pushed you in the direction of Nurse Simkins. The fallout was predictable – the Enterprise needed a new head nurse, and Chapel was the most experienced nurse not on assignment."

"I hate feeling used." Jim muttered. "But why put Christine on this ship?"

"Roger needed me on a ship with you, captain. You're the closest thing to family I have. When the time came, he needed to make sure I would pick your life over his."

"What? I don't understand?" Jim hesitated. Neither did he. What the hell?

Chapel turned slowly and met his eyes. There was fear in those blue depths. Hell, it was a good job Korby was dead. "Roger trusted me with more than just how the equipment worked. He'd been preparing me for something larger since I first met him. He needed me to kill him."

Damn it. He understood now. Damn Korby. Damn him for using her like this. Because he could – like he had said. Just like he'd used the people he'd killed, and hell knew how many others.

"Kill him?" This time Brooks sounded surprised. "Why would he want that?"

"Because he saw himself as weak. He knew that the Katarreans might be able to force him to use the equipment for their purposes. Me killing him was a test – he wanted to check that I would do everything it took to protect the equipment and innocents. I think he thought that I would continue his work – that I would prevent its destruction and somehow find a way to allow the clones to develop and learn. He had prepared me and tested me, and found me worthy to be the one to build his Utopia. Of course, his ideas were lost when the equipment was destroyed."

Oh hell. He met Jim's worried eyes. She didn't know about the equipment... "Actually Christine, the equipment was stolen when they took the Danube." She had gone pale, and leant on the wall to support herself.

"Members of the I'sorta were also able to steal Doctor Korby's notes from the Enterprise whilst we were incarcerated at the Daystrom Institute. I also believe this was the point when Engineer Argenn took control of our systems, allowing them to take over the Enterprise yesterday." Spock informed her passively.

She met his eyes, and he was surprised to see anger in them. She was angry at him? She turned away, back towards the window before he could fully understand why. Damn it, he needed to get her alone and find out what the hell was going on.

"I don't understand. If they have everything, why do they still need Christine?" There was worry in Jim's eyes. He was right to be concerned. They wouldn't want her for anything good. Revenge for killing Korby? No, that was too simple...

"That is an interesting question." Chapman said softly. "I don't believe they thought they did at first. The Romulan attack a few days after you left Exo was in an effort to get the papers. I believe the Romulan ambassador was attempting to get the papers when Commander Spock stopped him – leading to his unfortunate injury. When he failed Argenn was activated and he removed the papers – long before your systems went down in fact. However, our sources informed us that despite their ability to use the equipment, they hit a problem. They had no ability to command their clones. In fact, we believe that only one person does."

Of course. Who else? "Chapel." She was leaning her head against the glass. She hadn't known that. How could she? How the hell was he going to make this better?

"It was me." Jim said suddenly. "Remember Christine – I told him to prove he trusted you by giving you command of them all. It must work for the future clones too."

"I remember." Her voice was quiet and strained. He desperately wanted her to turn so he could read the emotions in her eyes, but she was still detached from them. His fear for her once again turned to anger.

"So now they want Chapel? Damn it, do they honestly think if they'd got her that she would actually go along with it?" Were they mad? This was Christine Chapel they were talking about. She would never do anything to hurt her people.

"These people are persuasive. I believe that was why they were taking all of the nurses – they needed collateral. Thankfully she passed herself off as the CMO."  
Thankfully? "She was shot!"

"Better that than taken." _What?_

"Damn it, you-."

"Easy Bones." Jim cut him off with a firm hand on his arm and he swallowed the rest of his words as he shook with anger. "So they're attacking Earth to overthrow the Federation."

"And they're coming for the nurse." Brooks added. He scowled at the Admiral, who seemed to shrink somewhat, and Jim's hand tightened on his arm painfully.

"Well I'm glad we know what we're facing now. How long until they get here?"

"Six hours or so."

"Well gentlemen, I appreciate your eventual honesty. You're free to leave when you are ready. Bones, Spock, you know what needs to be done."

"Of course sir." The Vulcan glanced at him and gave a curt nod. Time to get out of here before he exploded. He took her by the elbow.

"Come on Chapel." He all but dragged her out and tried to resist the impulse to put an arm around her. However, she pulled her arm from his grasp and stepped away. Damn it – why was she cutting herself off from him? Didn't she see he needed her to talk to him? Didn't she see that he needed to be there for her? Hell, he was going to make her speak if it was the last thing he did. And he was going to tell her everything. This was clearly the time for truths.

He moved to his office immediately, feeling her close the door behind them. He poured himself a large drink, and on an afterthought, one for her. She took her seat and downed her drink in one. Hell, that didn't bode well. He'd never seen her do that before. Her eyes were icy cold, and he realised, somewhat belatedly, that she was still angry. With him.

"You knew." Her voice was full of accusation and betrayal and it immediately made him feel defensive. "You knew about the equipment, and you didn't tell me?" That was what this was about? Damn it – with all that was going on, she was focused on that? Well, she had no damn right.

"I didn't tell you? Damn it woman, what about all the things you didn't tell me?" Why the hell hadn't she told him what she knew?

"I only worked it out myself yesterday. How long did you know about it all, doctor? You know, I expect Jim and Spock to keep things from me, but not you. I thought you trusted me?" Damn it.

"This has got nothing to do with trust."

Her eyes flashed. He'd forgotten how beautiful she was when she was when she was angry. It was somewhat distracting. "Then what has it got to do with? You thought you wouldn't tell me about something that is directly to do with me? Is it because I'm just a nurse? You thought I would be stupid to understand?"

Hell, is that what she thought? "Don't be idiotic. Of course I don't."

"Then why?"

"Because I didn't have the chance."

"Don't lie to me."

Lie? He stood up hard, hitting the desk in fury. "Because I was trying to do that damned right thing Chapel." He always had been. Didn't she see? What did she want from him? Hell, he was trying to protect her. Why the hell did she think he'd tried to stay away from her? He loved her, damn it. Then, all at once, the anger was gone, leaving him drained. He sat down heavily and rubbed his face, suddenly scared to meet her eyes.

"You should have told me." She whispered.

"I know, Chapel." He forced himself to look at her, and saw that he was losing her without even trying. There was pain in her eyes and he felt sick when she shut them. He moved without thinking, kneeling at her side, but was almost scared to touch her. She had welcomed it last night, but things seemed different now. Hell, he couldn't lose her. He couldn't.

"Christine?" He stroked her cheek.

"I'm...Tired." She told him softly.

He felt her rejection like physical pain. She wasn't going to speak to him. "You should go and get some rest."

"Yes."

"I'll come and check on you."

"Ok." He stood up, and she followed, turning from him and moving out the door. But at the last moment, she gave him a smile, that reassuring smile that she always gave him, and on impulse he reached out to her, but she was already out of the door, moving out of the sickbay, leaving him alone.

He shut the door of his office and leaned against the wall. Hell, he was way over his head with this. His mother would say that things could always be worse, but he sure as hell couldn't see how right now. The woman he loved was the target of a psychotic group bent on universe domination, Earth was about to be attacked, and he hadn't slept for more than an hour at a time in days. And how the hell could he have allowed her to leave again without telling her how he felt? He had promised himself he'd tell her after almost losing her. He couldn't go through that again. Damn it. He wouldn't. He was a damned idiot. He was walked out of the sickbay before he'd even thought it through. Well he'd done enough thinking recently.

He buzzed her door but there was no response. Was she sleeping? Hell, maybe he should leave – she was exhausted... Then again, if he didn't do it now, he might not ever. She could always go back to bed. With him, if she so desired. Damn, best control those sorts of thoughts. He buzzed again. And then a third time. There was no answer. And then he knew.

"Damn it. Computer security override McCoy tango victor nine zero seven." This was Christine Chapel. She had been told that people were coming for her. Like hell she was just going to sleep. She was not the sort of woman to do nothing. She was too damn self-sacrificing for that. He strode into her quarters. They were dark and empty. She wasn't there. Oh hell.

"McCoy to the bridge." He was at her communicator immediately.

"This is the bridge." He recognised the voice.

"Uhura. Locate Chapel for me. And tell the damn captain he might want to find the admirals before I do." Because now he was angry.

He made his way out and onto the bridge. "Bones? What's going on?" Jim was on his feet, running his hands through his hair.

"Where's Chapel?"

He frowned but didn't question him. "Uhura?"

"She's... moving towards the shuttle bay."

"Damn it."

Jim was frowning. "Bones, you don't think..." Hell, of course he thought. Clearly his face was convincing. "Chekov, make sure that no shuttle leaves the docking bay."

"Yes sir."

"Uhura, hail-."

"Admirals on the bridge." The announcement interrupted him and they turned to see the figures. Jim's hand was on his arm again, the only thing stopping him going over there and demanding answers.

"Ah, I see that you're not gone yet. Would you like to tell me why our head nurse is heading towards the shuttlebay?" Jim's voice was commanding.

"You're going to allow her to take a shuttle, Kirk." Brooks ordered.

The captain's eyes narrowed. "And take it where? You want her to go to them? Allow her to take her ability to the Katarrean? That's insane."

"No Jim, it's not insane." Pike stepped forward, his eyes dark. "I'm not comfortable with using her either, but she's the only one that can get on that ship. She's the only one who can stop this."

Fury ran through him. "Stop this? You're sending her on a damn suicide mission?" He was shouting and he didn't give a damn.

"It was at her suggestion." Brooks pointed out.

"And you did a nice job of leading her to it, did you, you bastard?"

"Bones-."

"Damn it Jim, you can't seriously be considering this. Don't you dare."

"There's no alternative, Jim. She knows that – that's why she's doing this. This is our one chance." Pike argued.

"Captain, shuttle three is requesting release from the docking clamps." Chekov informed them.

"Let her go Jim." Pike's eyes were firm.

"Jim, don't you dare. Please..."

Jim was shaking his head. "Uhura, hail the shuttle."

"No response, captain."

"Keep trying."

"Time's running out Jim. I'm sorry, but I'm giving you a direct order. Allow the shuttle to leave."

Jim was holding the back of his chair in a tight grip. He wouldn't meet his eyes. He knew what that meant. "Spock?"

The Vulcan stood calmly. "It was an order, captain."

Jim nodded slowly. "Release the clamps."

"Damn it Jim." How could he? There was guilt in Jim's eyes, but also powerlessness. A rarity for Jim. They were all out of options in this battle. He watched as the shuttle moved across the screen in front of him.

"You did the right thing, captain." Chapman said quietly from the shadows. His face was passive, but he saw amusement in his eyes. Something in him snapped. He turned on him and punched him hard in the face. Arms were restraining him before he could aim a second one. Probably for the best since he would have damn well kept punching him.

"Security, take the doctor to the brig to cool off." Pike ordered. Jim opened his mouth to protest, but Spock put a cautionary hand on his arm. Damn him. Just when he had started to think better of the Vulcan.

"Jim, beam me onto the shuttle."

"Don't be ridiculous McCoy. If you go they'll use you to manipulate her." Brooks frowned and he ground his teeth and resisted another impulse to punch someone.

"Jim. This is Christine. Don't make her do this alone."

"Bones..." Jim met his eyes with a pleading look. "It's a one way ticket and the admiral is right. They'll use you."

He shook his head in frustration as Galloway murmured to him "Come on, doctor." He swore at the man, but went quietly. Why not? They wouldn't keep incarcerated him for long – they needed him. Jim was speaking to Spock in murmured words and Pike was staring at the screen – the last image as they entered the turbolift. He'd lost her. Hell. He'd lost her.

It took him several seconds to realise that they weren't heading towards the brig.

"What the hell?" He turned to the man who was now walking at his side. "Where the hell are you taking me?"

"You still want on that ship don't you?" The man said with a frown.

"You're taking me to the transporters?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I promised Doctor Korby I would."

He had him hard against the wall before he'd almost finished his sentence, rage coursing new in his veins. "Korby? You're following orders from Korby?" The man was going purple and he realised it was because his hands were around his neck. He loosened them. Slightly. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Galloway? Do you think I'm going to play the part of some pawn in his schemes to screw us all over? Why do you think I'd do that?"

"I think you're going to do it for the same reason I'm doing this - because you love Christine." Galloway gave him a steady look, and he swore and released him.

"When?"

He didn't pretend not to understand. It was unfortunately likeable. "When he kidnapped me. Now if you want to do this we need to get moving."

"Damn it." His nerves definitely could take no more. He followed him quickly to the transporter room and Galloway immediately went to the panel.

"She's almost out of range." He stated as he got onto the pad. "Korby gave me two messages for you. The first was to trust the messenger."

"The messenger? Who's the messenger?"

"I don't know – he didn't explain anything to me." Galloway shrugged and he swore at him. Trust Korby to be so damn cryptic. "Alright, we're ready."

"What was the second message?"

"He said to make sure you finish what you start this time." He snorted. Well, he could be damn sure he'd do that. "Good luck doctor."

McCoy nodded at him. "Energise."

He materialised to her pointing a phaser at him. _She was pointing a phaser at him_. Damn it. "Are you out of your damned mind Chapel?" He grabbed it from her hand angrily. Was she trying to shoot him? Seriously? "What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't spend those hours patching you up so you could get yourself killed." She stared at him mutely and he took her by the shoulders and shook her hard. Did she have any idea what he'd just been through? "You and your damn angel-of-mercy complex. You just have to be so damned heroic. I swear Chapel, I'm going to throttle you myself. Do you have any idea what you do to me? Do you?" He paused, taking her in, those blue eyes and her tear-streaked face, and then he was kissing her furiously, as the agony he'd just been through overwhelmed him. She responded in kind, and he pressed her hard against the back of her chair as her arms came up to draw him nearer. She smelt of peardrops and tasted of her tears and hell, he'd never loved a woman more. But a small part of him picked up on a pained gasp from her and realised that this was probably no way to kiss a woman. Especially not a woman you loved. He wrapped his arms around her, softening the kiss, feeling her tremble, memorising the feeling of her in his arms. When they broke she was a breathless as him, but her eyes were pleading. He should make her turn around and fly this thing back. But hell, he couldn't. There were too many lives relying on this. He might be angry, but he wasn't stupid. She had her path, and he wouldn't stop her from walking it. He couldn't protect her, but at least she wouldn't be alone. She'd spent too much of her life alone.

The shuttle rocked and he caught her. Hell – what if she never was in his arms again? "Aren't you meant to be flying this thing Chapel?" She met his eyes, then took her seat wordlessly, steadying the ship and bringing it up to full throttle. He took one next to her and watched her from the corner of his eye. The end was coming now, and he probably wouldn't survive. But he was with her, and that was what mattered in the end.


	45. Chapter 16 Part II Sixteen Minutes C

16. Sixteen Minutes – Christine

Part 2

_Well here it is – the chapter you've all been waiting for. They've been stupid, stubborn and self-sacrificing, but finally, it all comes down to three little words... I like Tragedy by Brandi Carlise for this. And just in case anyone is panicking about the end of this section, fear not, they'll be another two short sections after this. Enjoy!_

"So, do you actually have a plan Chapel?" His voice broke through her demanding thoughts. They'd sat in silence for the last two hours as she piloted the shuttle. Christine hadn't been sure how to break it. She wantedto share with him her fears - to tell him that she doubted herself, that she wasn't sure if she could do this, that she was scared she'd let them all down. But each word fell silent on her lips. He'd kissed her again. He was somehow here, with her, willing to face her fate. Why? Why would he do that – risk everything for her? This was more than being her stubborn CMO. This was more than him even being her friend. This was... No - she didn't dare think what it might be. It was too late. And here she was, about to do the most important thing anyone had ever required of her, and she was worrying about a man. She needed to pull herself together – she'd need every ounce of her strength and intellect if she was going to do this.

She met his eyes and tried to force her mind to calmness. Not very easy when he was looking at her with those eyes and it was all too easy to remember that kiss. "Not exactly."

"Not exactly?" He frowned at her, but she could almost see amusement in his eyes. "Where have I heard that before?"

She smiled at him, feeling some of the tension drain from her. She knew what he was doing, but she didn't mind. "Not from me, I assure you."

"No, probably not. All those damned decimal points in your research show you're nothing if not exact."

"And I'm usually better organised than this." She pointed out.

"Yes, I noticed the absence of the PADD. Since you had time to steal a ship and work everything out, I would have thought you'd have been able to formulate a things to do list too." His face was free of anger, but she saw a flash of pain in his eyes and felt a wave of guilt that she was the cause of it.

"I didn't mean to... that is I thought that if I told you, you'd..." She struggled for words.

"I'd have stopped you." He finished for her, giving her an angry look. "Damn right."

She shook her head and took a deep breath. "Why didn't you?" He'd had the chance when he'd beamed onto the ship, and for a moment she'd thought that he would.

He frowned at her and his eyes flickered away. "Because I can't see any other damned way either." Well that made two of them. "So how are we getting on the ship?" His voice was brisk and professional again.

She tried to smile. "Through the front door."

He snorted. "What, you're just going to announce that we're here?"

She was relieved that he said 'we'. "Yes."

He looked up at her wryly. "Well, I'm sure as hell getting sick of all the subterfuge."

She laughed softly. "Me too." It seemed like her entire life with Korby had been one giant deception. She wondered how much of it had been his plan – whether he'd expected her to fall in love with him. Probably. He'd seemed to anticipate everything else. But McCoy was different and she loved him for that. He was relatively upfront with her. Relatively...

"Chapel?" The doctor was watching her face. She wondered how much he had seen.

"I'm fine." She replied automatically.

His eyebrows rose sceptically. "Of course you are."

"No, I'm not." She shook her head wearily. "I'm not sure why I say that." She was definitely not fine. She hadn't been for some time.

He shrugged and met her eyes. "Because you're a nurse." There was that half-smile she loved. "You're used to making people feel better. It was one of the first things I noticed about you, Chapel."

"Really?" She mirrored his smile. "You mean you didn't think I was someone who stupidly worked herself to a faint and ordered about the captain?"

He laughed. "Well, there was that. But then, I've always admired a woman who liked to work hard, and someone needed to put Jim in his place for once. You on the other hand – as I recall I hardly made the best first impression."

"No, you didn't." She admitted, remembering what she had initially thought of him. "I believe I thought you were an alcoholic with a personality disorder."

He snorted. "Is that so? Well we made a good team in the end."

She met his eyes, softening at the earnest expression on his face. They had done so much together. "Yes. We did."

"Chapel-."

"Doctor-."

They paused, and she looked away in embarrassment but felt his eyes still intent on hers. "After you, Chapel."

She met his eyes, trying to read them. He didn't look away from her, and she saw the tension in his mouth, the slight tremble in his hands. "Why are you here?"

He took a breath, but didn't take his eyes from her. "Because... That is... Oh hell..." He paused again, agitated in a way she didn't entirely understand, then in a sudden movement, took her hand. "Chapel, I-."

Her console beeped, breaking his words as her attention flicked to the panel, then to the ship growing on the viewscreen.

"We're here." She told him quietly. He nodded curtly, but squeezed her hand."What were you going to say?" It seemed important now – and she was desperate to hear it. She needed something – something to give her hope as they moved into darkness.

He shook his head and released her hand. "It doesn't matter."

She wanted to press the point, but a flash on her panel told her that weapons had locked onto them.

"Does that mean..." McCoy was frowning at the control panel with rapidly dawning comprehension.

"Yes." She manoeuvred quickly as the Danube fired at them. McCoy's hands were working fast, taking over the helm, and it occurred to her that he was probably not as inexperienced flying as he'd led her to believe.

"Damn it Chapel, you'd best hail them before we become toast."

"Yes doctor." She took a breath. No going back now. "Danube this is Federation transport X5713. My name is Christine Chapel. Ceasefire. I repeat, ceasefire" For a moment there was nothing. Then the weapons powered down and she let out a breath and forced authority into her voice. "Good. Open the docking bay, Danube. I am coming aboard."

"The docking bay's opened." McCoy muttered and she began short flight in. "Chapel?" There was a new tension in his voice.

"Yes doctor?"

"Whatever happens, promise me that you won't let me distract you from what you're there for." She turned from her work to look at him. His face was serious and pale and she felt the heaviness on her chest. "Promise me, Chapel. No matter what. Even if they want to kill me. Even if they do kill me..." No. She couldn't. She couldn't make that promise. She couldn't watch him die. And yet she had a duty to fulfil. He'd made his choice when he came aboard. Damn him. Why was he here? To make it harder for her than it already was? He took her arm, holding it hard and insistently, and hooked two fingers under her chin, making her look up at him. "Promise me Chapel." His eyes were desperate and beautiful and on impulse she reached over and wrapped an arm around his neck.

"I promise." She whispered, the words sounding like betrayal.

She felt him exhale slowly in relief, tightening an arm around her for a moment, and blinked away the tears that came to her eyes. Then she turned from him and finished guiding the shuttle to its final destination. She would finish this.

No one met them. No guards with phasers. No men in helmets. That made her nervous as she powered down. Obviously it made McCoy edgy too because he activated his phaser as he shouldered his medical kit. She smoothed a thumb over her own, and felt his hand on her shoulder for a moment.

"Let's do this Chapel."

"Yes."

The shuttlebay echoed their steps as they walked through and her anxiety grew. The Danube was a Starfleet ship and she knew that she'd have no difficulty finding her way around, but they wouldn't allow them to walk through freely. Potentially on the other side of those doors was a ship-full of I'sorta. She stopped in front of it and listened. There was no sound.

"Chapel?"

She glanced at him. "Get behind me, doctor."

"What?" He looked confused.

"Get behind me. I would rather they didn't shoot you."

"And what about you?" He scowled and remained stationary.

She sighed. Was this really how it was going to be? "They're not going to shoot me." He gave her a sceptical look and his eyes flickered to her abdomen. Well that had been an accident. Hopefully there would be no more of them.

"How long until the force reach Earth?" She asked him sharply.

"Two and a half hours."

"Then are you really going waste time arguing with me?"

He continued to scowl but took a step behind her, standing very close. She could feel the heat of his body and his breath in her hair. It was a nice sensation to feel like someone had her back. She'd never had that before. She opened the door.

Eyes met hers. Many, many, eyes. They filled the corridor as far as she could see, stationary and quiet. They weren't pointing weapons, and that told her who they were almost immediately. However, it wasn't until a familiar face stepped forward that her thoughts were confirmed.

"Hello Andrea."

The woman gave her a child-like smile, as beautiful as she had ever been, but also strangely absent. "Hello Christine. I'm glad you came. We were waiting for you."

"So I see." She glanced at the faces, picking out the other man she had also met on Exo. "They are all... like you?"

The woman nodded. "They have all been perfected."

She felt the doctor move to her side, clearly dismissing any threat, folding his arms across his chest. "So where's everyone else?"

Andrea tilted her head. "Else?"

"The other people on the ship."

She shook her head. "I am not sure." She knew the woman was as incapable of lying as she was of being harmed. A simple child. And like a child, she would easily be deceived.

"Well, I'll put my money on the fact they're watching this." He murmured to her.

She nodded. "They'll want to see what I can do with them." She wasn't sure whether she hoped they were right or wrong. "Andrea, why are you on this ship?"

"We follow the machine. That was Roger's last order."

"And if the equipment was destroyed, what then?" Perhaps they would be freed from whatever was holding their wills?

"We will do as you tell us. You are our mother." She stared. Their mother? Was that what Roger had called it?

"So you obey me?"

"Yes."

"I see." So it was true. "How many are there of you?"

"Four hundred. They took some of us away to other places. They did not want to go."

"Other ships?"

"Yes Christine."

So now she had to make a decision. Put these innocents in danger and take them with her, or go on alone and potentially fail. Of course, they were clones – they might have memories but they had little else that made them Human. But they were still lifeforms. And she was responsible for them. Now was the time to truly decide what sort of person she was.

"Alright. I have a new request of all of you." They all turned to her eagerly, despite their mature faces, holding onto her every word. "Do any of you know how to fly?"

"Yes. I do." An older man stepped forward. She wondered who he had been before they'd experimented on him – he wasn't one of the originals.

"Good. I want you all to leave this ship. Fly towards Earth, and contact your counterparts on the other ships. See if there is anything you can do to slow down the attack on Earth. Without risking yourselves." She added. "I don't want any of you to be killed." Their bodies might be immortal, but she wasn't sure how far that went. After all, if their ship was blown up it was hard to reunite body parts and she wasn't entirely sure whether they could re-grow. "After you've done this, you're free."

"Free mother?" A middle-aged woman looked confused.

"Yes. Free. If anything happens to me, find somewhere safe where you can live in peace. Find Captain Kirk of the Enterprise – he'll help you." She knew instinctively Jim wouldn't allow them to be science experiments.

"Yes mother."

"Good. One more thing." She took a breath. Was she willing to do this? She glanced at him, taking in those eyes, the way he was frowning at her, the way his hands we clenched in anticipation. A way to protect him had been handed to her and she wouldn't be stupid enough to ignore it. Yes, she was willing. "I want you to take Doctor McCoy with you."

"What?" The doctor exclaimed, turning to her with wide eyes. "Damn it Chapel, we're barely on the ship and you're-."

"I'm doing what's necessary." She interrupted. "You made me promise I wouldn't allow them to use you, so I won't."

"Chapel-."

"Doctor." She interrupted him again, then took another breath and turned to him, touching his cheek softly. His eyes were panicked and she tried to soothe his disquiet, and her own. She was scared of doing this alone. But she was more scared of his blood on her hands. "I'm grateful you came with me. I've never had a friend as good as you. But I won't make your daughter fatherless." Not like she had been. She couldn't bear that, couldn't have that on her shoulders. "Please don't make me."

"I can't, Chapel. I can't leave you." His eyes were intense on hers, pleading, trying to make her understand. But she couldn't. She firmed her resolve.

"You can and you will." She turned from him back to the clones. "Make sure he comes with you. Listen to him – he'll help you."

He swore loudly, then wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. "What about you?" He murmured into her hair.

What about her? He knew what she had to do. Her fate was sealed. It had been the day she met Roger Korby. And she was running out of time. She was surprised they weren't here already. "Look after them. The I'sorta won't allow the clones to leave without a fight. They're innocents, Leonard, and they need you."

"Hell Chapel." She felt him shudder and reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Goodbye, doctor." At least she had a chance to say it now. A real goodbye to the man she loved. "Make sure you look after the sickbay. No more shouting at the nurses."

He made a sound between a laugh and a sob as the sound of footsteps and voices approached them. Now they'd come for her.

"Hurry. All of you." The clones obediently moved into the shuttlebay and McCoy looked down into her face. His eyes were sad as he touched her cheek.

"It's too late to say anything, isn't it?"

"Yes." It was too late. Too late for them. Too late to know how he felt. The sadness in his eyes grew, and he brushed his lips on hers for a moment. She could see the men in helmets moving towards her in the corner of her eye.

"Chapel, if there's any damned way that you can do this and survive, take it. I sure as hell don't want to look for a new head nurse."

She laughed into his chest. "I don't want you to have to either. Be careful doctor."

"I will." She felt him tremble, but he kissed her on the top of the head, then turned and walked away. She took her courage and walked in the other direction toward the black-helmeted masses.

They separated like a wave as she walked towards them, allowing her to make her progress without obstacle. He was waiting for her. She knew he would be. She stopped several paces in front of him, twenty helmeted forms at her back and only him in front. She would have rather faced another twenty than him. His golden eyes were luminous, and a smile played on his lips, chilling her. She knew what scared her the most about him now. He exuded confidence in himself, confidence that he was everything and she was nothing, a small piece of dirt that had caught his attention because she had caused him problems. He wouldn't think twice about killing her after her use was over. He wouldn't think twice of killing anyone on this ship. She wondered if they realised that.

She met his stare with her own, trying to hide her fear and rapidly beating heart. She wouldn't let him know how much he unsettled her.

"Christine Chapel." He acknowledged her in his strange thick accent.

"V'naree." She replied coldly. He made a strange head movement that she struggled to interpret then raised a hand. The soldiers moved to restrain her, but she was quicker, aiming her phaser at her own head. "Do not think I will hesitate." She assured him calmly.

Another gesture told her she'd succeeded – at least for now - and the guards fell back. The Katarrean turned from her wordlessly and began to walk away. For want of a better action she followed, the guards close on her heels, relocating the phaser back in her holster. It was time to play the game. This was one she wasn't sure she would win.

Instead of towards the bridge, as she had hoped, the Katarrean lead her down several levels, towards the labs. There was no other signs of life. She wondered what had happened to the rest of the crew. Dead? Or worse – made into the clones? She was suddenly glad of the decision she'd made to let them go. She only hoped that they had made it away safely. With the doctor. Her heart ached with that thought.

They entered a lab and the lights flickered on. It took her several seconds to take in the scene before her. The last time she had seen the equipment it have been in cave several hundred metres below the surface of Exo III. Now it looked strangely wrong in the stark conditions of the lab – a huge relic in the clinical environment. However, she struggled to take her eyes off the bodies to her left – three, two women and a man, left bleeding in a uncaring pile on the floor. The clones of the two women sat against the wall, unnervingly identical to the deceased, but immediately stood when they noticed her, smiling their welcome.

"Mother. You came for us." They were both young, she realised, and their previous bodies wore the colours of the medical bay. They had been nurses. Something inside her went cold. The male clone was still strapped to the table, naked and looking disorientated, but also smiled.

"So they instinctively know you." The Katarrean commented.

"It's programmed into them somehow." A woman emerged from behind the equipment. The spotting down her face told her she was a Trill, and she looked vaguely familiar. She was wearing an expression of clinical curiosity as she released the clone from his restraints, fixing Christine with a probing look. "None of them have ever seen her before today, but the recognition is instantaneous."

The Katarrean turned to her, his golden eyes boring into hers. "Give them a command."

He was testing her? Rage suddenly filled her veins. She'd had enough to testing "No."

The knife appeared in his hands as if it had always been there. Perhaps it had – she knew they had cloaking abilities of a level they hadn't even touched upon. He pressed it up against her throat, eyes full of irritation and she had to force herself not to flinch at his closeness. Up close his skin was cold and made of tiny scales.

"No." She repeated. The Katarrean's eyes flashed with rage. The blade began to draw blood at her neck. She could feel the warmth of it sliding down her skin.

"Put her through the machine." She was unprepared for the panic she felt at that statement. Surely they wouldn't?

The scientist look at the man with wide eyes. "Through the machine? But sir, I really don't think that's a good idea. We don't know what will happen – especially not with her ability to command them."

"Do it."

"But-." The Trill glanced at her.

"Restrain her." The Katarrean ignored the woman's protestations.

"No!" The terror was overwhelming. They couldn't put her in one of those bodies. She couldn't bear it. The men in masks were at her side immediately, removing her phaser and forcing her arms behind her back. With a knife to her throat she could do little to stop it, but the temptation was to lean into the blade. She probably would have if she had thought it might lead to her death. She cursed herself internally. What had she been expecting to happen? Of course he'd want to put her into her body. If she'd actually spent time thinking this through, she would have realised that. Now she was defenceless, unable to end her life, and was going to lose the one advantage she had.

She fought the guards every inch but they pushed her forwards and strapped her onto the table. The clones were clearly upset by her distress, peering at her with worry, and despite her panic she couldn't ignore them.

"Go." She called to them. "Get off this ship." They looked hesitant, then obeyed her. The masked men attempted to hold the doors, to restrain them, but they were virtually untouchable, strong and fearless, and disappeared through the door. She noticed the Katarrean was smiling that menacing smile at her now, and she realised that she'd given him what she wanted. She'd shown they obeyed her. She almost cried with frustration.

"Sir, unit three are requesting your assistance. They are struggling to stop the new-ones from leaving the ship." One of the I'sorta stepped forwards with a slight bow.

"They cannot stop them?" There was detached irritation in the Katarrean's voice again.

"No sir. Our weapons are ineffective, and there are too many. Should I tell them to allow them to leave?"

"No."

"I have an idea." The Trill offered from somewhere she couldn't see. "I've been working on a way to temporarily neutralize them."

"Go and do it. I want them here."

"And Nurse Chapel? Do you still want to...?"

"Yes." The sickness was settling in the pit of her stomach. She'd failed in every conceivable way. The Trill came into her line of sight to leave, as the Katarrean began to smile again. "Tell me, scientist. Can the new-ones feel fear?"

She looked at her briefly, and she saw something like pity in her eyes. "Yes, I believe on some level."

"Good. Christine Chapel, I am going to make you fear me. Then, when I turn you that memory will remain intact and you will obey me." She noticed he hadn't offered her a chance to do this without making her into a clone. Surely that meant this had been his plan all along – to control her completely. And she'd made it even easier by handing herself to him. Why hadn't she realised this?

The woman left as the knife appeared in the Katarrean's hands again, and she had to suppress every impulse to cry and beg for him not to do it. But she wouldn't beg. Certainly not to him. She was Christine Chapel, head nurse of the Enterprise. Even so, she couldn't stop herself flinching as he drew the knife slowly down her neck. The cut wasn't deep, but the bite was surprisingly sharp.

"I will train you, Christine Chapel. You will bow to me – and with you the stars."

She could only think of one thing to say. "Go to hell."

Time passed. She became a mass of sensations – pain, unbearable pain, forcing her from reality, her thoughts becoming a jumbled mess as every nerve ending screamed until she was sure she would explode. Periodically it would stop, and that was worse, because it meant that she couldn't sensitise herself to it, because she knew the horror that was coming. She fell in and out of unconsciousness, but never for long – or at least it didn't feel long. She could have been there for minutes, or hours, or days and she wouldn't have known. After a while she forgot who she was, and what she was doing, and why she was there. She wanted to die. No more. She didn't know how she would take any more. And then, just as she opened her mouth to scream again, to beg for it to stop, the images filled her mind, flashing in front of her eyes. Dark eyes watching her eat an apple from across a desk, working at his side as he operated, watching him frown at a PADD as they worked together. Turning her face away from the horror of the dead. Smiling that half-smile when he thought she was ridiculous. Holding her when her world fell apart. Coming for her when she'd almost given up hope. Kissing her like she was everything to him. Image after image, filling her mind, detaching her from the pain that wracked her body. She found solace in the memories, sanity even, as she fled to the very corner of her mind.

And then it stopped. She gasped for breath, waiting for it to start again. When it didn't she slowly opened her eyes. The room was flashing red. There were spots in front of her eyes. The man was away, she could just make him out, standing at the console. The red light. She felt the panic wash through her tired body. Then the room started spinning.

"No." She gasped. This was worse. Worse than the pain. Worse than death. The room was spinning faster now. She heard voices, and shots. Then an angry, impossible voice.

"Tell me how to switch the damn thing off Chapel."

She tried to force order into her mind as the room blurred, tried to remember. "The sign. Two lines."

"They all have two damn lines. Farie which... Oh the hell with it." She heard several shots and then the red light went off and she began to slow.

"Chapel?" Someone was releasing her arms and moving them to her sides. They screamed on the movement, assuring her that she was alive. She shut her eyes. She was hallucinating. Like Polaris. Maybe she'd lost her mind. It couldn't be him. "Come on Chapel. Open your eyes." She felt gentle hands feeling for a pulse. "Farie, did it work? Is she...?"

"No." The voice was familiar. "No, it didn't complete. But I think he tortured her."

"Damn it. Chapel, open your eyes now."

She forced them to open. He was looking down at her with alarm. His face was bleeding, his uniform scorched. She gave him a wane smile and he touched her cheek. It felt real. He was real?

"How are you here?" She murmured. She'd given them an order. She'd sent him away.

He helped her to sit, then wrapped his arms around her. "I remembered the trouble you get into when you're on your own." She leant into him for a moment, the pain still fresh on her mind, feeling detached. But she was here for a reason. It was coming back with clarity now.

"How long until the attack on Earth?" Her voice didn't shake. She was relieved about that.

"Sixteen minutes." The voice again. She looked up to see the Trill scientist pacing at the door. "You both need to go. They're coming."

McCoy tensed. "Can you walk, Chapel?"

"I'm... not sure." She answered truthfully. He helped her to stand on her trembling legs, and wrapped a supportive arm around her waist. He gave her a questioning look.

"We need to go to the bridge." She told him. She had to finish this. She needed to make sure the equipment was blasted into oblivion.

He nodded. "Alright. Farie-."

"I'll try to hold them for as long as I can." The scientist interrupted.

Christine looked at her. Who was she? What had she done to protect her? And she would die now too. She felt a wave of sadness for the woman she would never know. "Thank you."

The Trill nodded. "I'm doing my duty." She glanced down, and she noticed the Katarrean's body on the floor. She felt nothing. "Now go."

"Come on Chapel." He half carried her out of the door and turned down the deserted corridor. They met only one helmeted man, and McCoy shot him without hesitation. Shooting echoed from the corridors they'd been in. She wondered if the Trill was still alive. They got into the turbolift and McCoy let her go, leaning her against the wall.

"Stay here." He ordered her, silencing her with a single look. She nodded mutely – he was the better shot and she was in no condition to fight. He disappeared as the doors slid open, and she held her breath at the sound of more phaser-fire. When it stopped she stepped out. McCoy stood motionless, five bodies around him, his eyes hard. However, his expression softened when he saw her, and he shot the turbolift panel, then the panels to the other two entrances onto the bridge.

"That will hold them, Chapel. Do what you need to do."

She took a deep breath. Time to end this. "Computer, initiate self-destruct. Senior authorization code Chapel tango-victor-forty-five, eleven, seventeen."

"_Self-destruct initiated. Five minutes until detonation._" The computer responded. There were shouts outside the doors. The I'sorta were attempting to get in. She knew they wouldn't manage it in time.

It was over. They'd done it .Because McCoy had come back for her. Again. And now she'd take him to the grave with her. The man she loved. The man she'd been trying to protect so hard. She glanced across to him. He was watching her, face tired and withdrawn and she felt an irrational wave of anger. She wasn't sure where it was directed –at herself she imagined. His blood was on her hands.

"How could you, doctor? How could you just throw your life away like this?"

He scowled at her. "Throw it away? Is that what you think this is? Hell woman, do I have to remind you that if I hadn't have come back, you'd be a clone now?" His voice was rising, drowning out the sound of cutting lasers on the other side of the doors.

"No, you don't have to remind me."

"Well it sure as hell sounds like it."

She shook her head. "This wasn't your fight doctor."

His eyes blazed. "The hell it wasn't."

"No it wasn't. Now you're going to leave your daughter fatherless, and it will be on my head."

"So I was supposed to leave you to die alone, was I?"

"Yes."

"You wouldn't have."

"I don't have anyone that will miss me when I'm gone."

"Is that what you honestly think? Damn it Chapel, what do you think your death would do to me?"

She frowned at him, trying to read his face. "The same as what your death is doing to me, I imagine."

"Damn it." He scowled at her, and she wondered why, moments from the end, she was arguing with him. If she was sensible she'd throw herself into his arms and tell him that she loved him. And yet here she was, holding herself back, picking a fight. Perhaps she really had lost her mind.

"Did you even think this through?"

"Think it through? You stole a damn shuttle. But I would have done the same, irrelevant."

"Why?"

"Because it was the right thing to do."

"How can this be the right thing to do? I was that little girl, doctor, whose father never came back."

He threw his arms into the air. "Damn it woman, why do you want me to feel bad before I die? What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you are here." She needed an answer to that question and she didn't have the time to dance around it.

"Why the hell do you think?"

"I don't know."

"The hell you don't."

"Is it that bad, that you can't say it?"

"Don't be an idiot."

"Are you here out of duty, doctor? Or worse, pity."

"Pity? You think I'd get myself killed for pity?" She'd never seen him so angry before.

"You've never been particularly logical."

"Hell Chapel."

"Just tell me."

"Because I love you, damnit." The words hung in the air between them, heavy and real. She stared at him, stunned. His anger had melted away into cautiousness, and there was panic in his eyes. "Hell Chapel. I should probably say something more poetic, but I'm not good with words, you know that. I love you. There it is."

She stared at him, searching his face for confirmation of his words. She could see it in his eyes now. How had she not seen it? His actions alone spoke his feelings for her. But she had been blind. And yet she hesitated still, searching for the words, then asking the one question that mattered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He looked at the floor. "Because you're going to be a doctor."

And then she understood. In a single sentence their entire relationship became clear. He was idiotic, frustrating, and somewhat condescending. He was also entirely selfless. No one had ever cared about her enough to do what he had.

She walked to him and touched his face. He looked at her, eyes exposed, frowning his fears. As if she wouldn't reciprocate. Foolish man.

"Leonard McCoy, you are the best man I've ever known." She leaned his face down to kiss him softly. He responded with equal gentleness, hands easing around her waist, supporting her weakened body. He gave her that half-smile of his when they broke, and she laughed softly as she traced it and the computer reminded them that they had sixty seconds to live.

"Something funny, Chapel?" He brushed the hair from her face.

"Only that I love you too."

He frowned slightly, but the light in his eyes was unmistakeable. "And that's entertaining?"

"No, but we're about to die and I'm trying to make lemonade." He raised his eyebrows, then kissed her deeply and swiftly, taking her breath away and forcing tears to her eyes. He loved her. She loved him. Suddenly she desperately didn't want to die.

He wrapped his arms around her as their final ten seconds counted down, kissing the top of her head. She felt him tremble and knew he was scared too. She would be brave for him. She shut her eyes tightly as the world exploded.


	46. Chapter 16 Part II Sixteen Minutes McCoy

16. Sixteen Minutes – McCoy

Part 2

_Sorry about the late update. I must have rewritten this POV three times! But I think I've got it at least to a bearable standard now. For all of you panicking, there ARE two more short sections after this – and I don't kill off main characters unless I absolutely have to. I'm already working on them, so they shouldn't be too long. I can't decide on music for this section (I've really like your suggestions in the past- thank you for those). I think it's a toss up between Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machines, and Fix You by Coldplay. I was going to use one of them for the next section, but I couldn't decide which one fitted best, so I'll let you decide. Anyhow, thanks for reading._

He was watching her. He'd done so for the best part of two hours. She was preoccupied with her own thoughts, her hands gracefully moving across the controls of the shuttle, her face serene and closed. She was planning no doubt. He hoped she had a good one, because he was coming up with nothing. But the silence was killing him. He was desperate to tell her everything – how he was terrified because he didn't know how he was going to watch her do what she had set out to do. That he hated Roger Korby more than any man he'd ever met. That he wanted to take her into his arms and never let her go again.

"So, do you actually have a plan Chapel?" He kept his voice light, but it sounded gruff after being silent for so long.

She glanced at him, face tense but eyes unsurprisingly calm. He wondered why he kept expecting her to go to pieces. She was hardly a person who panicked. No, that was him. She just serenely flew the ship to her own death.

"Not exactly." She looked troubled and he attempted to lighten the mood.

"Not exactly? Where have I heard that before?" Planless and suicidal. Hell, it was like being with Jim.

She smiled at him softly, amusement echoing in her eyes. "Not from me, I assure you."

He chuckled. "No, probably not. All those damned decimal points in your research show you're nothing if not exact."

"And I'm usually better organised than this." She added.

"Yes, I noticed the absence of the PADD. Since you had time to steal a ship and work everything out, I would have thought you'd have been able to formulate a things to do list too." Maybe if she'd had one she would have remembered to say goodbye to him. Or at least tell him what was going on. Hell, he thought he meant at least something to her...

She gave him a stricken look, and he felt slightly satisfied at her guilt. "I didn't mean to... that is I thought that if I told you, you'd..."

"I'd have stopped you. Damn right." Hell, he should have locked her up when he had the chance and damn the consequences.

She shook her head. "Why didn't you?"

Now there was a question. And he didn't like the way he had to justify this to himself. "Because I can't see any other damned way either." They had to destroy the equipment. Earth's situation was pretty damned desperate, and it was the only thing he could think of that might at least buy them some time. And because of that, and only that, he was allowing the woman he love do this rather than protecting her, like he promised. The only way he could live with himself was that he wouldn't make her do it alone. It was small consolation, but hell, he'd felt what it might be like if she died, and he wasn't going through that again. His world wasn't right anymore without her in it. If she died, they died together. "So how are we getting on the ship?"

She gave him a small smile, despite the gravity of the situation. "Through the front door."

He laughed at the madness of it. Hell, she really was the bravest woman he'd ever met. "What, you're just going to announce that we're here?"

She looked at him serenely. "Yes."

"Well, I'm sure as hell getting sick of all the subterfuge." Front door it was. If he was going to do something this mad, he might as well do it in a way he liked.

"Me too." She laughed, and he heard a note of bitterness in it. He understood why. He hadn't really given much thought as to how it must be for her, realising that Korby had been grooming her for all this time. He was a puppeteer and they were all his puppets. He found it infuriating, but Christine – she'd loved him. She'd been closer to him than any one. And even beyond the grave, after all this time, the man still managed to reach out and hurt her. The expression on her face confirmed his suspicions. Hell, he wanted to pull her close and explain that not all men were like him. But how was he any different, keeping his feelings from her for all this time?

"Chapel?"

"I'm fine." Her voice was hollow, her response automatic and unconvincing.

"Of course you are."

"No, I'm not." She shook her head wearily. "I'm not sure why I say that."

He shrugged. He knew why. It was one of the reasons he loved her. "Because you're a nurse. You're used to making people feel better. It was one of the first things I noticed about you, Chapel."

She smiled slightly, looking sceptical. "Really? You mean you didn't think I was someone who stupidly worked herself to a faint and ordered about the captain?"

He laughed. He couldn't help it. She really had no idea the effect she'd had on him from day one. "Well, there was that. But then, I've always admired a woman who liked to work hard, and someone needed to put Jim in his place for once. You on the other hand – as I recall I hardly made the best first impression." He'd been in a bad place when she'd joined the ship. She'd had to bear the brunt of it. And she'd waltzed in unfazed, PADD in hand, and healed him, just as she had their patients.

Her smile remained, her eyes distant, remembering. "No, you didn't." She agreed. "I believe I thought you were an alcoholic with a personality disorder."

He snorted. "Is that so?" He wondered if she wasn't too far off the mark there. "Well we made a good team in the end." The things that they had done... The lives they had saved...

"Yes. We did." The look she gave him warmed him. What the hell was he waiting for?

"Chapel-."

"Doctor-."

She blushed and looked away, and he felt suddenly nervous. Good grief. "After you, Chapel."

She met his eyes, boring through him suddenly in a way that left his heart beating hard. Could she see? Surely...? Then she asked the questioned he'd half-hoped, and half-feared. "Why are you here?"

He had to tell her. He might not have another chance, and he needed her to know, to have that openness between them. "Because... That is... Oh hell..." He couldn't find the words. How the hell could this be so difficult? It didn't help that those blue eyes were intent on his face. Hell, he wanted to do this right – to try and explain exactly how she made him feel. But damn, he was no good with feelings. He reminded himself he was a sensible doctor, not an inarticulate teenage boy, and took her hand. "Chapel, I-."

A beep from the console interrupted him, and he had to bite his tongue from swearing as her eyes flickered away. Damn, damn, damn. Technology conspiring against him again.

"We're here." She told him quietly. He glanced at the viewscreen. The Danube, in all her starship glory. He couldn't deny she was impressive. But she was no Enterprise. He squeezed her hand, trying to reassure himself. "What were you going to say?"

The moment was gone. He could already see the distraction in her eyes. She had a job to do, and he had to make sure she completed it. He forced himself to let go of her hand. "It doesn't matter."

A light flashed on the panel. Oh hell, that didn't bode well. "Does that mean...?" He almost lost his seat as Christine manoeuvred the shuttle out of the way of the torpedoes. Damn I'sorta. He took over the helm, correcting their trajectory.

"Damn it Chapel, you'd best hail them before we become toast."

"Yes doctor." There was an edge in her calm voice. "Danube this is Federation transport X5713. My name is Christine Chapel. Ceasefire. I repeat, ceasefire" He held his breath in the silence, then almost buckled in relief when the blinking light went off. That had been close. "Good. Open the docking bay, Danube. I am coming aboard."

He glanced at the screen. "The docking bay's opened." Her hands moved carefully over the controls, flying them in. This was it. No going back. The words of the admirals returned to him, and he felt suddenly sick. What if they were right? Why the hell was doing the right thing so damn complicated? "Chapel?"

"Yes doctor?"

"Whatever happens, promise me that you won't let me distract you from what you're there for." She glanced at him, frowning, and he knew he had a battle on his hands. "Promise me, Chapel. No matter what. Even if they want to kill me. Even if they do kill me..." Her eyes were widened in protest and he took her arm and hooked his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Promise me Chapel." He needed to make sure she would do it – and the only way was to elicit a promise from her. Her eyes suddenly filled with sadness, and she flung an arm around his neck.

"I promise." She whispered to him. He exhaled a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, pulling her closer. The hardest fight was over. He knew she wouldn't break her word.

The rest of the flight was... easy. He kept expecting something to happen – people in the docking bay, helmeted men attacking them, something... Anything. The storm was coming, and he would rather have it over and done with. Hell, he hated not knowing. He pulled out his phaser as Chapel powered the shuttle down. He would use it, he didn't doubt it – they'd put him in this damned position, they could reap the consequences.

"Let's do this Chapel."

"Yes."

Their echoing steps were the only sound as they walked across the shuttlebay. No welcoming committee. It was hardly a relief. They paused at the door. There was no sound on the other side. He could feel Chapel making a decision, weighing it up in her mind. Well, since the only way out of the bay was through that door, he didn't see what she had to think about.

She glanced at him. "Get behind me, doctor."

"What?" He wondered momentarily whether he'd missed part of a conversation.

"Get behind me. I would rather they didn't shoot you." Shoot him? Did she think he was just going to stand there?

Good grief. "And what about you?" He was beginning to wonder if she was thinking straight.

She sighed like he was being unreasonable. "They're not going to shoot me." Not shoot her? She definitely wasn't thinking straight. Had she forgotten he'd been stitching her back together yesterday? She frowned at him. "How long until the force reach Earth?"

Her change in tact threw him. "Two and a half hours."

"Then are you really going waste time arguing with me?"

Oh hell. She had that steely look in her eye. Damn it – there was no point wasting time arguing when she was in this mood. Despite his better judgement he moved behind her, but kept close. If needs be he could pull her behind him. He felt her take a breath, then she opened the door.

They were waiting on the other side of the door, and he couldn't breathe for a moment. Then he realised that they weren't shooting. And they sure as hell didn't look much like soldiers. A young, beautiful woman stepped forward. He felt Chapel stiffen in front of him. What the hell...?

"Hello Andrea." Her voice was calm but he knew her well enough to hear the tightness. So this was Andrea – the woman Korby had chosen over Christine. Or had he? He sure as hell didn't know what to think about Korby these days.

She smiled an innocent smile at them, and he realised quickly that the machine had been used on her. Damn, Chapel hadn't told him that. Hell, it must have been awful not to be able to hate your rival.

"Hello Christine. I'm glad you came. We were waiting for you." Her voice was as child-like as her face.

"So I see." Her voice was blank as she surveyed the group of clones. "They are all... like you?"

The woman nodded. "They have all been perfected." Perfected? That was what they called it? Well it sure wasn't anywhere near his idea of perfection. He moved next to Chapel, and crossed his arms. He felt a sudden need to shield her from all these searching faces, despite their clear lack of hostility.

"So where's everyone else?"

The girl turned to him, confusion evident on her young face. "Else?"

"The other people on the ship."

She shook her head and he swallowed a curse. "I am not sure." Well that was helpful.

"Well, I'll put my money on the fact they're watching this." He muttered to Chapel, who nodded. Clearly she could feel that prickle that was raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

"They'll want to see what I can do with them." She sounded resigned as she turned back to them. "Andrea, why are you on this ship?"

"We follow the machine. That was Roger's last order."

"And if the equipment was destroyed, what then?"

"We will do as you tell us. You are our mother." He felt slightly stunned. Their mother? Chapel was clearly as shocked as he was – she was staring at them with an unhappy look.

"So you obey me?"

"Yes."

"I see. How many are there of you?"

"Four hundred. They took some of us away to other places. They did not want to go."

"Other ships?"

"Yes Christine." She paused, a complex look in her eyes. She was planning, and he felt his constant panic levels heighten. She would try to look after them, of course. He knew her – she wouldn't take such a responsibility lightly, even if she hadn't wanted it. But what would that mean for them and what they had to do? They were invincible, and it would be much easier to destroy that equipment with their help. He was glad he wasn't the one who had to make that decision.

"Alright. I have a new request of all of you. Do any of you know how to fly?"

"Yes. I do." An older man stepped forward. He looked vaguely familiar. Hell, hadn't he been the second officer on the Danube? They'd done this to the crew? He felt sick. She was right to protect them.

"Good. I want you all to leave this ship. Fly towards Earth, and contact your counterparts on the other ships. See if there is anything you can do to slow down the attack on Earth. Without risking yourselves. I don't want any of you to be killed." He followed her thoughts. It was true – they weren't sure how far the immortality went. A direct hit to their ship might cure that for them. "After you've done this, you're free." He felt pride in her swell in her chest. The advantages of being able to command such a contingent were obvious – but she was better than that. Of course she was.

"Free mother?"

"Yes. Free. If anything happens to me, find somewhere safe where you can live in peace. Find Captain Kirk of the Enterprise – he'll help you." She was right there. Jim was many things, but he would sure as hell make sure they were looked after, especially after allowing Chapel to make such a sacrifice.

"Yes mother."

"Good. One more thing." He felt her eyes on his for a moment, soft but determined, and knew. "I want you to take Doctor McCoy with you."

Damn it. "What?" He rounded on her. This again? Who the hell did she think she was that she could just send him away? He refused to allow it. "Damn it Chapel, we're barely on the ship and you're-."

"I'm doing what's necessary." She interrupted sharply. "You made me promise I wouldn't allow them to use you, so I won't."

Damn it. He hadn't thought that it would backfire like this. He needed to be here. "Chapel-."

"Doctor." She interrupted him with a weary voice, then turned to him with a plea in her eyes. When she touched his cheek the ache in his chest intensified. "I'm grateful you came with me. I've never had a friend as good as you." He felt something in him break at that statement. "But I won't make your daughter fatherless. Please don't make me."

"I can't, Chapel. I can't leave you." Did she not understand? How could he explain to his daughter that he'd left her? How would he be able to live with himself? For a second he thought he'd succeeded, but then he saw her eyes harden. He'd lost.

"You can and you will." She turned away from him. "Make sure he comes with you. Listen to him – he'll help you." Damn it. She put such trust in him – even when he'd failed in every possible way. This was goodbye. He swore in frustration, and pulled her into his arms. She filled them willingly, leaning her head against his chest, naturally wrapping her arms around his waist. She smelt of pear drops, and he buried his head in her hair. "What about you?" Hell, how could he possibly live in a world without her? How could he bear it?

Her voice was gentle as she avoided the question he knew she couldn't answer. "Look after them. The I'sorta won't allow the clones to leave without a fight. They're innocents, Leonard, and they need you." Damn it, she played that card. The one he could never ignore – because what if they did come to harm? How could he turn down that plea for help? He was a doctor – he'd taken an oath.

"Hell Chapel." This was almost unbearable. She must have understood the warring emotions in his heart, because she pulled back slightly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodbye, doctor. Make sure you look after the sickbay. No more shouting at the nurses."

He attempted to laugh, but he was trying to hard not to cry. He loved her, and she would never know. He heard shouts. Their time was up.

"Hurry. All of you." Christine directed the clones through the doors and onto their shuttle. He looked down into her face. Those blue eyes, that soft smile. He touched her cheek, memorising the soft skin beneath it.

"It's too late to say anything, isn't it?"

"Yes." She confirmed as his heart broke. He'd always known they'd never have a chance – not really. But he'd clung onto that dream because it was all he had. He brushed his lips against hers and she endured it sweetly. He could see the helmets coming for her, but refused to acknowledge them. If he could lighten this for her, he would.

"Chapel, if there's any damned way that you can do this and survive, take it. I sure as hell don't want to look for a new head nurse."

She leaned her head against his chest and laughed softly. It made it slightly more bearable. "I don't want you to have to either. Be careful doctor." He wasn't the one who needed to be. But he knew what she meant.

"I will."

His reaction when he disengaged himself from her was stronger than he had anticipated, but somehow he held it together, kissing her on the top of the head, then turning away. He refused to look back because he couldn't bear it. Focus on the task, Bones. Grieve later.

He counted ten measured steps towards the shuttle before the shots began to fire. Andrea was waiting for him as the clones got aboard. "What the hell are you waiting for? Power the damn thing up." He shouted at her. She nodded and disappeared into the ship. Damn, but there were a lot of guards coming for them. And they weren't getting away if the bay doors kept closed. He was going to have to get them open. Wasn't there a damn override panel somewhere? He spotted it on the wall a few feet away and sprinted across quickly, somehow managing not to get shot. His luck didn't hold however – a brief look showed that they'd shown the foresight to lock him out of the controls. Damn, damn, damn. What the hell was he going to do now?

"Andrea!" He shouted her name, and she appeared again, looking slightly confused. Damn it, he wished he knew someone else's name. She didn't duck as a shot was aimed at her and the phaser hit her squarely in the chest. "Damn it." He moved back towards her, and managed to drop so that a shot burnt only his shoulder. When he finally reached her she was sitting up, looking bewildered, with a black hole burnt through her clothing, but otherwise unharmed. Damn, they really were untouchable – which was good because he was going to need that if he was going to get them off this ship.

"Did that hurt?" He asked her, indicating to the mark.

She shook her head. "No."

"Good." He climbed aboard the shuttle, and met the searching eyes. They didn't look even mildly apprehensive. Hell, Chapel was right – they were innocents. Like it or not he had to save them – they weren't going to save themselves. And he wouldn't let her down on this one last thing.

"They're not going to open the shuttle doors without a fight. You're going to have to help me."

"Help how?" The nameless pilot asked mildly from the cockpit. It was as if he couldn't see the circle of soldiers surrounding the shuttle. He pulled the phasers from the security locker of the ship.

"You're going to have to cover me. I'm going to need to get to engineering to release the ship." There were only two places on the ship were he could manage it – and he didn't fancy his chances getting to the bridge. He glanced over them. "I'll need three or four of you to come with me. The rest of you need to make sure that they keep away from this ship."

"How?" An older woman looked at him blankly. Good grief, he didn't have time to spell it out for them. "I don't know. They've got us surrounded, but don't let them any closer. Encircle the ship or something. You'll figure it out."

"I'll come with you." Andrea offered.

"Fine. You three can come too." He randomly selected two men and a woman who were standing by the door. "Keep the shuttle powered up – you might need to leave quickly." He moved to the door. Now for getting out of here in one piece. He was adverse to the idea of using a Human shield for more reasons than one, but since they couldn't be injured it relieved his conscience somewhat. It was hardly like he had many options.

Looking back, he wasn't sure how he got out of the bay. The clones began surrounded him, to form some sort of barrier, but although the shots fired at them did them no injury, they would often drop from the force of the impact. It became a blur of running and ducking, and several well placed punches, before they managed to outrun them down a corridor on the third floor. He was sweating, breathless, and the pain in his shoulder suggested to him that a shot might have done more than graze him this time. They rounded another corner and he almost reacted too slowly to another patrol waiting for them up the corridor. He managed to take down a few, and the clones protected him from the worse of the shots, but he didn't see how he was going to make any more progress up the corridor.

"Damn it." He shouted in frustration. He shot indiscriminately, but they were far outnumbered. Shouts behind him suggested that the chasing group were about to catch up, and then things would get really bad.

"Stop." The voice from behind him was high and girlish, but held the tone of authority. To his immense relief the phaser fire eased, then stopped, and he turned to the side to take in its owner.

"You!" He recognised her immediately and bit back an oath. The Trill scientist. The woman who'd told him about her work with the equipment. Who'd threatened Chapel. Damn it, he should have known she was working for the Katarrean.

"What do you want?" One of the guards barked.

She pulled a phaser out of her holster, and aimed it at him. "I have orders to take the hostages alive."

"From who?"

"Who do you think?" She shook her head at them, and smiled sweetly. It sickened him. She'd been Starfleet. How could she? How could any of them?

"I'm not going to help you, Farie Ajec." He bit angrily.

Her eyes shifted to him, widening slightly, then smiled fondly. "So you remember my name. I'm truly honoured, Doctor McCoy, I really am." He shook his head in disgust. "I'm sure you'll change your mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind lowering your phaser so my friends here don't shoot you." He swore at her, but didn't see that he had much choice. He lowered it to the floor, and kicked it away. Damn it, he'd failed again. She smiled at him in what he assumed was supposed to be reassuring, then turned back to the soldiers. "I'm taking him to the labs. I'll take the clones too."

"We will accompany you." The guard offered tonelessly.

The scientist shrugged. "Of course. Although perhaps you might want to send some reinforcements to the shuttle bay. I heard that they're struggling to stop the New Ones, and you can imagine how upset our leader might be if we lost them."

The helmeted figure considered this, then nodded. He indicated to a group of five. "Accompany Doctor Ajec. The rest of you with me."

McCoy's mind was working fast. Something wasn't adding up. He just couldn't quite put his finger on what. How had she known he was here? Korby's message drifted back into his mind, unbidden, as the soldiers marched away. 'Trust the messenger'. What the hell did that mean? The five left were moving towards him and the clones, and he saw Farie make a motion in the corner of his eye. The messenger... Who was the...?

Then something clicked into place, and he dropped to the ground just in time, as the explosion threw the guards and clones down the corridor. Damn it. He coughed in the smoke, and pulled himself unsteadily to his feet, ears ringing. He was an idiot.

He glanced back at the small Trill, who was picking up his phaser. "You're in Starfleet Intelligence." It wasn't a question. He knew the answer. Of course she was. She was the messenger. She'd given him a message at the Institute – he'd just been too preoccupied to realise what it was. She'd told him she worked for Starfleet. She'd warned him about the equipment. Hell, she'd all but worn a badge. No wonder she'd wanted to speak to Chapel – she would have worked it out in minutes.

The woman smiled, almost a grin, and handed him the phaser. "Very good." Her voice seemed less girlish now – but perhaps that was simply a matter of perspective. She glanced at the clones, who had picked themselves up, unlike the guards beneath them. "We need to move."

"I need to get to engineering – I need to open the bay doors."

"Alright." She led the way, leaving him to follow. Andrea smiled at the scientist affectionately. Either she already knew that the scientist had been on their side, or she was just incredibly trusting. He knew where he'd place his bets.

"Do you know where Christine is?" He couldn't help but ask to her back.

Farie nodded. "The Katarrean has her. He wants to put her through the equipment."

"WHAT?" The panic flared through him pure and strong, and he stopped dead, unable to breathe.

"It's alright – he won't start the process without me there. He wouldn't take the risk. Come on Doctor."

She strode ahead, and he attempted to pull himself together. It wasn't a strong effort. He'd been fraying at the seams before, but now he was holding himself together by a thread. Damn Katarrean. He was going to make him pay if it was last thing he did. But he could only do one thing at a time. The turbolift dropped them down several levels, and they prepared quickly, powering up phasers. Farie pulled several knives from her boots. Hell, she was definitely with the intelligence – they never felt comfortable travelling without an armoury on their person.

"You ready?" He asked her.

She giggled. "Of course." He'd put money on the fact she was a head case too. You'd have to be to work for someone like Chapman. "You draw their fire – I can take them out."

Good grief. Clearly she didn't have any idea what they were about to walk into. Or maybe she was pretending again. He couldn't he sure. He didn't really care. "Hell woman, I thought the whole point of you being under cover here was that you could talk your way out of things." He hadn't forgotten how heavily staffed engineering usually was. "I prefer probable death to definite death."

She gave him an amused look, but nodded. "Alright, you be my prisoner again. But if they've been warned, we'll do it my way. Now give me your phaser."

He handed it to her, and the doors slid open. The entire department froze on their entry.

"Hi there. Could you help me? I'm meant to be escorting the Doctor and these perfected ones to security, but I think I've got myself a bit lost." Her voice was high and girlish and entirely ridiculous. Did that really work? Since no one made a move for their phaser, it was clear that this wasn't unexpected. Farie (if that was indeed her real name) had been building this cover for some time.

"Really Doctor Ajec – for someone as intelligent as you are, I sometimes wonder." He knew the voice immediately. Oh hell. "And you've brought the good doctor. Tell me, is he accompanied by Kirk and that Vulcan?" His voice was a sneer, the reasonable mask lost now.

Argenn? The rage he felt on seeing him here, at the end, overwhelmed him completely and he snapped so suddenly he blacked out. When he was next aware the man was unconscious under him, there was blood all over his hands and all hell had broken loose in engineering. Farie was dropping I'sorta left, right and centre, and he grabbed Argenn's phaser to stop the two nearest to him restraining him. The clones were attempting to cross the room towards him, with the added benefit of drawing much of the fire and preventing many of the guards getting to Farie. After a few minutes of intense firing, and the quick thinking of Farie shooting out the control panels of the doors, all was quiet, smoke rising from bodies on the floor. Clearly her phaser hadn't been on stun. Then again, it would seem that neither was his.

Farie sent him a reproachful look. "So much for talking, McCoy."

He felt a sense of guilt, but it eased slightly when he glanced down at Argenn's supine form. A lot of people had died because of him. And Chapel had been shot. He'd held her bloody form. He'd got off too easy in comparison.

"What are we looking for doctor?"

"How the hell would I know – I'm a doctor, not an engineer. You're the damn spy. How do we open the doors?"

She shook her head at him. "I'm not sure. I don't have the codes. It'll take me some time to hack them." She moved quickly to the computers. "If you wouldn't mind covering my back, I'd appreciate it."

"Fine. How long is this going to take?"

"I have no idea. The last time I tried to hack something I accidently turned off life support. I don't really want to do that again." She giggled nervously and he scowled at her. Of all the damn spies to put on this ship, it had to be one that could accidently kill them. He needed to get to Chapel, and didn't have time to be messing around.

"Hurry up."

"I will, I will."

In the end it took her a little over an hour. In that time more I'sorta had managed to storm the doors, and it had led to an awkward situation where he'd been alone to cover the scientist. The only reason he'd managed to keep them alive was because he didn't give a damn about leaving the ship intact – and the soldiers clearly did. Consequently many were now lying on the floor with plasma burns over their bodies. He'd treated a few as a matter of course, but he had nothing to tie them up with, and right now wasn't feeling like aiding their return to health so that they could kill him. In the end he sent the clones to hold the corridor, and managed to buy them some time, but when she finally shouted "Got it;" he was tired, bloody and downright angry. Why the hell did Chapel always ask him to do things that were so damn complicated to carry out?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, they're opening now."

"Good. Andrea?" He called her back into the room and the girl returned with a smile.

"Yes Doctor McCoy?"

"You need to get onto the ship. The doors are open, so you need to leave straight away."

"Alright." She didn't move. Damn it. She was waiting for him.

"I'm not coming, Andrea." Of course he wasn't.

She pouted. "Christine said you were to come with us."

"Christine also told you to get off this ship. I'm not coming with you willingly, so decide which order you're going to follow. I can tell you that she'd rather have you safe then wasting your time with me." Damn it, he didn't have time to reason with these children.

She looked confused as the others joined her. "Mother told us to listen to him." One of the men pointed out. Finally, someone with an ounce of common sense left intact.

"Damn right she did. So get the hell out of here. Hurry."

Andrea nodded slowly. "Goodbye Doctor McCoy." She gave him a smile, then drifted away as the shooting started again.

He cursed. "Hell, I thought we'd stop them for a while. Does everyone on this ship carry a phaser?"

"It seems so." Farie smiled wearily. "Don't worry, they'll have bigger things to worry about once they realise the doors are open."

As if they'd heard her, the sounds eased. "Let's move then."

"Follow me."

She led him towards the labs, then stopped outside a door, frowning at a light outside it.

"Doctor McCoy?"

"What Farie?" He had a sinking feeling as he glanced at the expression on her face.

"I think I was mistaken about our leader waiting to use the equipment." Damn it. Why the hell had he listened to her? If she was a clone now... He felt sick. She typed in the code for the door as shouts assured him they'd been found again. He left Farie to cover his back and stepped into the red light of the room.

Chapel was tied to a turning table, eyes shut, blonde hair spread around her. Was she alive? He couldn't tell. And there was the golden eyed Katarrean, standing in front of him calmly as if he wasn't pointing a phaser at him. "Turn it off." He growled.

He made no movement. Instead he smiled slowly, patronising, as if he didn't truly believe he would use it. Perhaps, at another time, he wouldn't have. But right now he was desperate. And any sensible person knew that making a man like him desperate was not a good idea. He shot the Katarrean square in the chest without blinking.

"Tell me how to switch the damn thing off Chapel." He called to her urgently, moving to the machine and attempting to force his racing mind to rationality.

"The sign. Two lines." Her voice was pained and entirely unhelpful. Damn, there was something counting down too. Single digits didn't bode well.

"They all have two damn lines. Farie which..." The scientist appeared at the door, and shook her head. Fat lot of use she was. "Oh the hell with it." He shot the panel several times. The system overloaded, the room filled with a load hum, his heart stopped – and then it ended, the light turning white, the table slowing.

He moved to her immediately. She was motionless, eyes open and unblinking, bleeding from a wound to her neck. Damn, please say she wasn't dead. He released her bruised wrists from above her head, and her eyes drifted shut. "Chapel?" She didn't make a sound. Oh hell. Where the hell was his medical kit? He needed his scanner. "Come on Chapel. Open your eyes." He could see her chest moving. She was breathing at least. He felt for a pulse and found it. Had it taken her mind? "Farie, did it work? Is she...?"

"No." She moved closer, examining the broken equipment. "No, it didn't complete. But I think he tortured her."

Damn it, he could see the electrodes now, the burn marks on her head and body. He felt the panic wash through him. "Damn it. Chapel, open your eyes now."

There was no response for a second. Then her eyes flickered open. Her expression was lost and broken, her eyes filled with an unspeakable pain and his chest ached in reply. Then she controlled it, hid it from him as usual, and gave him a small smile. Hell, there was no woman like her. He had the sudden almost overpowering urge to pick her up and get her off this ship. She'd done enough, been through enough. But Korby's message made sense now. He had to finish this, no matter what. HE had to make sure she did this last thing.

"How are you here?" She asked him softly, her eyes not moving from his face. There was quiet disbelief in them. She'd thought he wouldn't come, after everything. She should have learnt by now. But then, here was a woman that also thought she could order him away. Silly, silly woman. Hell, how he loved her. He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I remembered the trouble you get into when you're on your own." He told her lightly, feeling her lean against him, feeling her tremble. He didn't dare contemplate what she'd just been through. He'd lose his resolve if he did.

"How long until the attack on Earth?" Her voice was stronger now, completely calm as she pulled away. He noticed Farie giving her an impressed look as she paced near the door.

"Sixteen minutes. You both need to go. They're coming."

Damn, would this never end? "Can you walk, Chapel?"

"I'm... not sure." Given the amount her body was shaking, he wasn't sure either. He helped her to her feet carefully, ready to catch her, but she surprised him yet again. He wrapped an arm around her waist just in case. And now it was down to her.

"We need to go to the bridge." She told him carefully.

He nodded. They could do that. "Alright. Farie-."

"I'll try to hold them for as long as I can." The scientist smiled at him, interrupting in that girlish voice. He saw now the way she was holding her side. She'd been shot. Damn, he should have seen it before. He would have given her something for the pain, but he sure as hell didn't know where his bag was.

"Thank you." Chapel told her sincerely, understanding the sacrifice she was making from a single look.

Farie nodded. "I'm doing my duty." She glanced at the Katarrean's body on the floor with a resolved look. "Now go."

He didn't need to be told twice. "Come on Chapel." He helped her down the corridor and towards the turbolift, shooting echoing behind him. They met only one I'sorta, and he shot him quickly. Chapel said nothing about it. Perhaps she was too numb to care now. There was definitely something dazed in her look. He leant her against the wall of the turbolift as they began to move. She was slightly breathless, her face pale.

"Stay here." He ordered, waiting for her usual argument. But none came. Thank heavens for small mercies. It certainly was one of the more stupid things he'd done, attempting to take on the bridge alone – but he had absolutely no chance of doing it if he was worrying about her. And he didn't want her to do what was necessary. Best save her from that.

In the end, the element of surprise and the fact that there were only five of them acted to his advantage. He shot three as the doors opened, and took out another two after a short exchange. They died without a word or cry of pain, but he felt their blood on his hands as if they had. It was a good job he was going to die really. He wasn't sure how he would live with himself after this. He heard her behind him, and turned to meet her. She gave him an all too understanding look but said nothing. He shot the panels to the doors and turbolift, remembering Faerie's previous actions to buy them time.

"That will hold them, Chapel. Do what you need to do."

He watched her steady herself, breathing slowly. The look of finality in her eyes was unmistakeable. "Computer, initiate self-destruct. Senior authorization code Chapel tango-victor-forty-five, eleven, seventeen."

"_Self-destruct initiated. Five minutes until detonation._" The computer responded. There were shouts outside the doors but it was futile now. They'd never get in before they blew up. And even if they did, it would hardly make any difference. He met Chapel's eyes and was surprised in what he saw there. She was angry, furious even, her eyes filled with icy fire. Oh hell.

"How could you, doctor? How could you just throw your life away like this?"

Good grief. They were five minutes away from death, he was exhausted in every possible way, and she was picking this fight. Frustration filled him and he scowled at her. "Throw it away? Is that what you think this is? Hell woman, do I have to remind you that if I hadn't have come back, you'd be a clone now?"

The emotion was leaving her eyes, hiding again, and it made him angrier. For just once he wanted to know exactly what she was thinking. "No, you don't have to remind me."

"Well it sure as hell sounds like it."

She shook her head, frowning at him. "This wasn't your fight doctor."

Not his fight? How the hell was it not his fight? Even if he hadn't loved her, they were still about to attack his planet. "The hell it wasn't."

"No it wasn't. Now you're going to leave your daughter fatherless, and it will be on my head." On her head? It had been his choice, and not a real one in the end.

"So I was supposed to leave you to die alone, was I?"

"Yes." She replied vehemently.

"You wouldn't have." She'd come back for him on Brinda V, broken into a damn prison for him. If their roles were reversed she'd have done the same as he had - because it was the right thing to do.

"I don't have anyone that will miss me when I'm gone." He could see the sadness in the back of her eyes..

Good grief. "Is that what you honestly think? Damn it Chapel, what do you think your death would do to me?" Could she really be this naive still? Surely not.

She frowned at him, pain flashing through her eyes. "The same as what your death is doing to me, I imagine."

"Damn it." He hadn't thought of that – that she might be hurting that way at the idea of him dying with her. He'd never wanted to hurt her. But there really had been no other way.

"Did you even think this through?" She continued the argument he knew he was losing.

"Think it through? You stole a damn shuttle. But I would have done the same, irrelevant."

"Why?"

"Because it was the right thing to do." That he was sure of.

"How can this be the right thing to do? I was that little girl, doctor, whose father never came back."

She had to remind him of that. Another way to mark his failure as a father. He just wanted some peace before he died. Preferably with her in his arms. "Damn it woman, why do you want me to feel bad before I die? What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you are here." Her face was set, but there was a vulnerability in her eyes. Damn it. Was she really this obtuse?

"Why the hell do you think?"

"I don't know."

"The hell you don't." Why the hell did she think he'd kissed her?

"Is it that bad, that you can't say it?"

"Don't be an idiot."

"Are you here out of duty, doctor? Or worse, pity."

Oh, for the love of all that was good. He was losing his temper. "Pity? You think I'd get myself killed for pity?"

"You've never been particularly logical." She kept pushing.

"Hell Chapel."

"Just tell me."

He snapped. "Because I love you, damnit." The words hung between them, and she was staring at him with wide eyes. Oh hell. Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell. He hadn't meant to say it like that. Certainly not in anger. His heart hammered hard in his chest, and he felt suddenly panicked. Of all the things to happen today, this had to be the worst. The silence grew, and he moved desperately to fill it, to lighten the mood. "Hell Chapel. I should probably say something more poetic, but I'm not good with words, you know that. I love you. There it is."

She gave him a penetrating look, as if not quite believing. Damn, he wished she would just say something.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Anything but that. He weighed up what to say, but settled on the truth. At least he wouldn't have to live long with her hating him.

He found he couldn't meet her eyes. "Because you're going to be a doctor." It sounded pathetic, even to him.

She was silent, but he heard her move towards him. Was she going to slap him? He knew she'd be angry at him for keeping it from her, for making all the decisions. But really, it was better than exposing himself like this, and relying on her pity. Better than hurting them both.

She touched his face softly, and it confused him. She was looking at him with a smile, and without a hint of anger. Oh hell, could it be...? "Leonard McCoy, you are the best man I've ever known." For a moment he was stunned. She'd said those words of approval he'd always hoped for, right from the very start. Then she pulled his lips down to meet hers and he understood. She loved him. Christine Chapel loved him back. He got over his shock after a moment returned her kiss softly, easing his arms around her. Suddenly it was all worth it. Every moment. All the pain. All the waiting. It was worth it, just to know that somehow she was capable of loving him. When they broke he couldn't keep the smile from his face. She traced it with a finger, laughing softly as the computer said they had sixty seconds left.

"Something funny, Chapel?" He brushed the hair from her face affectionately. Her eyes were soft and unmistakeable.

"Only that I love you too." Good grief, as long as he lived he was never going to tire of hearing those words.

"And that's entertaining?" He tried to sound stern, but it was near impossible.

"No, but we're about to die and I'm trying to make lemonade."Oh hell he loved her. She gave him a sad smile and he pulled her closer and kissed her until she was breathless. The computer counted down their final ten seconds and he kept her close, kissing the top of her head. Hell, he didn't want to lose her now. He should have protected her better. He should have kept his promise. But he was with her now, and as the sound roared around him, he knew that was all that mattered.


	47. Chapter 16 Part III Sixteen Minutes C

Chapter 15 – Sixteen Minutes - Christine

Part III

_Well here we go – I hope you enjoy this. I'm pretty awful at writing romance really, so please forgive my ineptitude. I hope it comes across ok. I like End by Secondhand Serenade for this. Thanks for all of you that review, and all of you that are still reading. _

Christine Chapel floated for a moment as the world roared around her. Then she collapsed onto a very hard floor. Before she could even take a breath, something – or in this case, someone - collapsed on top of her, crushing her already fragile ribs and knocking the wind from her.

"Damn it." A familiar voice said into her neck.

Her head spun. She couldn't fathom even for a moment what had happened, although oxygen deprivation wasn't helping much. Then the doctor rolled off her, and she gasped for breath.

"What the hell is going on?" The doctor all but roared, the effect spoilt somewhat when his voice cracked.

Her mind attempted to catch up. They were alive? How was that possible? She opened her eyes to bright lights, the world unfamiliar. Where were they?

"Christine Chapel? Are you well?" The person who filled her vision and helped her to sit was familiar.

"Plat? How are you here?" She blinked at the Illyrian and tried to stop the contents of her stomach come up through her mouth.

"I believe I owed you a debt. Forgive our tardiness." She looked around and realised they were on the bridge of a ship staffed by Illyrians, and he was bowing to her.

"Tardiness? Any later and you'd be retrieving our bodies." McCoy muttered weakly, but was pulling himself to his feet. He gave a hand to her and pulled her up beside him. She didn't let go of it as she glanced at the viewscreen. The wreckage of the Danube was floating around them. The equipment was gone. She felt strangely numb.

"How did you find us?" She asked softly. She'd been the only one who'd known the coordinates of the ship.

"The Vulcan Spock contacted me."

"Spock?" McCoy exclaimed under his breath. She couldn't tell if it was a blessing or a curse, but she had her suspicions and squeezed his hand.

"We headed in this direction, following your signature, then met a ship. A woman called Andrea gave us your coordinates. We feared we were too late." Andrea? She was slightly surprised – but she didn't have the capacity to be more so after everything.

"And Earth?" She was almost too scared to ask.

"I know not."

"Alright." She tried to force her tired mind to work. Perhaps they could stop this. "I need you to open a long-range transmission on all frequencies."

"Of course." Plat nodded to his crew. "Whenever you are ready."

She took a breath. Just this last thing. "I'sorta vessels – my name is Christine Chapel. Many of you will be familiar with my name, and the place that I have come from. The USS Danube has been destroyed, and with it both your Katarrean leader, and the equipment taken from Polaris III. Please scan the origin of this transmission. You will find the radiation that could only have come from a warp core." She paused and allowed them time to do this. McCoy had released her hand and put an arm around her waist to steady her. She realised she was shaking. How strange. "The battle that you have sought with Earth is over. You have no reason to fight us, and you cannot win. Earth, and its Federation allies, will not tolerate an invading force. Should you want to live, I suggest you power down your weapons and hand yourselves to the Federation vessels. You can be guaranteed a fair trial. The consequences of other actions will be on your own heads. Choose wisely." She nodded to Plat and the transmission ended. Her knees almost buckled, her energy leaving with the end of her task. McCoy was all but holding her up.

"Nicely done, Chapel." He said into her hair.

"Indeed. That was well said. But I see you both are in need of medical assistance." Plat nodded to them. "Come, I will have you escorted to our medical bay."

McCoy scowled at him. "I'm a damn doctor and she's a nurse. Just find me a medical pack." She felt relief. The only sickbay she wanted to go to was on the Enterprise.

Plat considered him quietly, then gave a brief nod. "I hope you will find our guest quarters appropriate."

"That's fine."

"Very well. Orseah, please escort Doctor McCoy and Christine Chapel."

Another Illyrian bowed to them, handed McCoy a pack, and indicated they should follow. She remembered herself enough to murmur her thanks, then followed in silence, largely because she had to focus on her walking. She'd never felt as drained as she did right then – and more than just physically. Eventually the Illyrian opened some doors for them, and bowed again.

"Our ship has been damaged, and it will take some time to make the appropriate repairs. Please rest. We will contact you when we are close to Earth."

"Thank you." McCoy bowed to him, then guided her in. She sat down in the first seat she came to and put her head in her hands. She felt... she wasn't sure how she felt right then.

She looked up on the hum of the scanner. McCoy was frowning at the reading, and she found a smile come suddenly to her lips. Ever the doctor, even now. He glanced at her, reached out and stroked her cheek lightly with a finger for a moment, then injected her with a hypospray. She felt her head clear slightly, her thoughts falling into place. It was over. It was really over.

"We did it." She looked up at him in wonder. She couldn't believe it.

"Yes." He nodded seriously.

"We're alive."

"Yes."

She paused for a moment and looked up at him. He was watching her with a somewhat guarded look. She smiled. "You love me."

"Yes." He bent down and kissed her very lightly, hands cupping her face gently. "But I swear Chapel, next time you fancy saving the world, give me warning so I can run the other way."

She laughed softly. He'd had plenty of opportunities to run the other way – and he never had. Nor would he. She knew that now. "So you're going to keep pretending that you're not a brave man? Well it's too late doctor. I know your secret now."

He scowled at her, but the amusement was obvious in his eyes. "Even if that were true, no one would believe you anyway. Now hold still, Chapel. You look a bit of a mess."

She took in his bruised, bloodied face and the tears in his uniform. "So do you." She pointed out, unoffended. Nevertheless, she sat still and allowed him to heal the cuts and burns to her face and neck. His hands were gentle, and she noticed he was trembling slightly.

She reached up and touched his face. "Leonard? Are you all right?" He nodded mutely. "Here, let me do the same for you." She took the regenerator from him, and he sat down besides her.

She moved closer, wiping the hair from his face and healing what she could see. She felt his eyes on her face, watching her with an intensity that made her heart beat hard. She paused in her work, and met his eyes. Then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him, as the world melted away and her arms wound around him. She was filled with heat, as the kiss changed from tentative to passionate, his hands soothing away the horror of the day, until nothing mattered but him. The broke, both breathing hard, watching each other. She'd somehow ended up in his lap, but neither of them commented on it. She reached out and stroked his face. His eyes were burning through her, but she felt no fear. In fact, quite the opposite. His arms were tight around her, his hands on her waist. A jolt of desire, an almost unknown emotion, ran through her. It was so strong it almost engulfed her. She pulled him close and kissed him again, holding nothing back, giving him everything. He matched her in intensity, stopping her thoughts, then making her gasp when he kissed the base of her neck. And then, all of a sudden, he stopped.

"Leonard?" She opened her eyes and stared at him. He was looking away, frowning, and she felt icy threads of fear begin to move through the heated blood in her veins. Not again. He couldn't do this to her again. "Have I... Did I do something wrong?"

He gave her a soft look when he turned to face her. "Wrong?" He smiled slightly. "Hell no. But I not sure I can... that is, we should probably not continue."

"Why?" It came out as a whisper. She was trying not to get hurt.

He sighed, then gently moved her from his lap. "You know why." And, she realised, she did. She was still his head nurse. He was still her CMO. They'd already broken most of the rules in the book, but if they continued they may as well through the book out of the window. And she'd quite possibly lose her chance to be a doctor. But, as she looked at the man who'd almost died for her, who'd taught her, protected her, and now loved her, she realised that she really didn't give a damn.

"You should get some rest Chapel." He told her quietly. She stood up slowly. He was stubborn, stubborn enough to deny himself for all this time for her. But no more. She was going to have to be convincing. She could think of only one way of doing that. Gaila would have been proud. She turned away from him and began to remove her boots.

"Chapel? What the hell are you doing? Are you...?"

She unzipped her dress and he rapidly fell silent. She filled it for him as she removed her clothes. "I don't care, doctor." She turned to face him, feeling more exposed than she had ever done in her life. "I honestly don't care." His eyes were on her face, wide-eyed but searing. It was time to be honest. "In the last few months I've found out my entire life is a lie. I have been manipulated, tortured and shot. I've murdered someone who didn't deserve it. I just blew up a Starfleet ship. And through all of that, the only thing I know, the only thing that I can be sure of, is you." She paused. She didn't know what else to say. His eyes were still on hers, unreadable now, but he made no movement and she felt suddenly scared. If he rejected her now, she knew she would never get over it. "Please." She really didn't want to beg. She turned away to stop herself saying more. She heard him shift, then felt his hands on her waist, turning her around. The expression on his face brought tears of relief to her eyes. He must have understood.

"Christine..." He kissed her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks. "You're an idiot." He kissed her softly on the lips, then stepped away, and stroked the red scar on her stomach, the last remnant of the wound from just recently. There was pain in his eyes she was only beginning to understand. "I can't say no to you."

She smiled and stepped closer, putting her hands on his chest. "You've never had too much problem in the past."

He scowled at her. "That was entirely different... I'm not-."

"Leonard." She interrupted him firmly, fingers on his lips. They could argue some other time. "Not another word." She reached up and kissed him very thoroughly.

"Damn tyrant." He muttered breathlessly a moment later, but gave her that half-smile and pulled her close. He broke the silence only once after that, whispering her name fervently into her neck. However, by that point she found she really didn't mind. She didn't mind at all.


	48. Chapter 16 Part III Sixteen Minutes McC

Chapter 15 – Sixteen Minutes - McCoy

Part III

The room exploded and he felt himself weightless as the room flashed white. Then he fell heavily onto something hard and bony, knocking the wind from him. It took a second to remember to breath.

When the pain had cleared marginally he opened his eyes and realised he was crushing Chapel. "Damn it."He rolled off her and on to the more solid floor. She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as he managed to pull himself to sitting, and realised he had no idea where they were. This sure as hell wasn't the Enterprise. Damn it, he couldn't cope with any more drama. "What the hell is going on?" He demanded.

A figure moved towards his companion, all but ignoring him. Typical. "Christine Chapel? Are you well?" He helped her to sit, and he realised that he recognised him. He was Illyrian, from the meetings. What the hell?

"Plat?" Chapel's voice was weak, and he had to fight the urge to move between them. He reminded himself that he had probably just saved their lives. "How are you here?"

"I believe I owed you a debt." Chapel nodded slowly. A debt? He decided he didn't want to know. "Forgive our tardiness."

That got him. "Tardiness? Any later and you'd be retrieving our bodies." He shook his head and somehow managed to pull himself to his feet. He was fairly sure he had bruises on his bruises, and his shoulder hurt like hell. He gave a hand to Chapel, who stood up shakily. The wound on her neck had started bleeding again but she seemed completely unaware. Her hand was still in his.

"How did you find us?" Her voice was soft, her eyes on the viewscreen.

"The Vulcan Spock contacted me."

"Spock?" He blurted. He sure as hell hasn't expected that. The Vulcan had tried to save them? Damn, this probably meant he'd have to be civil to him now. He felt Chapel squeeze his hand and fell silent.

"We headed in this direction, following your signature, then met a ship. A woman called Andrea gave us your coordinates. We feared we were too late." He almost chuckled at that. He could almost like Andrea, as irritating as she was.

"And Earth?" He could hear the worry in her voice. It echoed the fear in his chest.

"I know not."

"Alright." He could hear the calmness being injected into her voice. She was planning something again. Why was she always planning something? "I need you to open a long-range transmission on all frequencies." He realised what she was going to do. Well, it was certainly worth a shot.

"Of course." Plat nodded to his crew. "Whenever you are ready."

She took a breath. "I'sorta vessels – my name is Christine Chapel. Many of you will be familiar with my name, and the place that I have come from. The USS Danube has been destroyed, and with it both your Katarrean leader, and the equipment taken from Polaris III. Please scan the origin of this transmission. You will find the radiation that could only have come from a warp core." He felt her body shake. It was unlike her, and it worried him. He had no idea how badly injured she was. He pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist, and felt her lean heavily on him. However, her voice gave no indication of her physical weakness when she spoke again. "The battle that you have sought with Earth is over. You have no reason to fight us, and you cannot win. Earth, and its Federation allies, will not tolerate an invading force. Should you want to live, I suggest you power down your weapons and hand yourselves to the Federation vessels. You can be guaranteed a fair trial. The consequences of other actions will be on your own heads. Choose wisely." It was a damn good speech. She nodded to Plat to end the transmission, and he felt her knees buckle.

"Nicely done, Chapel." He held onto her tightly, pulling her closer. Hell, he needed to get her somewhere private and see what damage they'd done to her.

"Indeed. That was well said. But I see you both are in need of medical assistance." Typical for an Illyrian to only just notice that. "Come, I will have you escorted to our medical bay."

He scowled at him. He wasn't allowing anyone else near her, not after what she'd just been through. If there was anything wrong, he'd fix it. "I'm a damn doctor and she's a nurse. Just find me a medical pack."

Plat gave him a steady look, as if he was going to argue, but clearly thought better of it. That was good, because he damn well wasn't in the mood. "I hope you will find our guest quarters appropriate."

"That's fine."

"Very well. Orseah, please escort Doctor McCoy and Christine Chapel." Another Illyrian bowed to them, handing him a medical pack and indicated they should follow.

"Thank you." Christine murmured, reminded him of his manners. He gave Plat a bow of gratitude, impeded somewhat by the fact he didn't dare let go of Chapel, and followed.

The walk was short, and the Illyrian led them down green-lit corridors, before finally opening a door for them and bowing again.

"Our ship has been damaged, and it will take some time to make the appropriate repairs. Please rest. We will contact you when we are close to Earth."

Christine didn't look capable of speech, so he supplied it for them both. "Thank you." He gave that half-bow again, and guided her in. She sunk down on the sofa, apparently incapable of standing any longer. He was fairly sure she'd only made it here on pure stubbornness. He felt like hell – he knew she'd be feeling worse. When she put her head in her hands he felt the first stirrings of alarm, and searched the kit. He tried to keep himself focused, but all he could think of were her earlier words. She loved him. Had she meant it? They had been about to die, after all, and she had a habit of trying make him feel better. Hell, but he didn't know what he'd do if she didn't. But he shouldn't be worrying about that now.

He scanned her carefully. Her electrolyte profile was completely deranged – clearly she'd electrocuted her extensively. Damn him. She looked up at him and smiled, her eyes exhausted and unsettled. Hell, he loved her. He reached out and stroked her cheek. She was alive – that was all that mattered to him now. If she needed fixing, he would do that. He'd come too far to let her go.

He gave her a hypospray to help correct the imbalances, and watched as her eyes cleared in front of him.

"We did it." Her voice was soft and disbelieving. He understood – he could scarcely believe it himself.

"Yes." He assured her.

"We're alive."

"Yes." Most definitely so.

She paused, then looked up him smiling again, softness in her eyes. "You love me." Relief perfused him. She didn't doubt him, didn't regret her earlier words.

"Yes." He kissed her softly, enjoying the feel of her face in his hands and her lips against his. She was here, alive and real. She responded just as softly, warming him to the very core. He attempted to frown at her when they broke, but it was near impossible. "But I swear Chapel, next time you fancy saving the world, give me warning so I can run the other way."

She laughed, eyebrows raised. "So you're going to keep pretending that you're not a brave man? Well it's too late doctor. I know your secret now."

Him? Brave? Hell, he'd never been more terrified in his life. But somehow, the way she was looking at him could have made him believe he was, had he not known better. "Even if that were true, no one would believe you anyway. Now hold still, Chapel. You look a bit of a mess." That wasn't quite true – she was bruised and bloody, her hair astray, but she'd never looked more beautiful, at least to him.

She gave him an amused look, looking him up and down in a way that would have made him blush under different circumstances. "So do you." He frowned at her. He supposed he did. Certainly if the pain in his shoulder was anything to go by. However, he ignored that for now, pulling out the dermal regenerator and getting to work. It took some time to heal the cuts, bruises and burns on her face. The more closely he looked the more obvious became how she'd sustained them, and the more sick he became. However, it wasn't until he moved on to the long wound on her neck, clearly done to inflict pain and scarring, that he couldn't stop the shake in his hands. He felt sick and furious, compounded by his own pain. He cursed himself in his mind. He was a doctor, and his hands never shook with a patient. But she wasn't just a patient. And many of those wounds she'd sustained were because he'd allowed her. They all had.

Christine, as sensitive as she always was to his moods, reached up and touched his face. "Leonard? Are you all right?" What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He didn't dare open his mouth, because right then he was tempted to throw himself at her feet, and make her promise to never leave him, to never put herself in danger again. He nodded instead. She looked at him for a moment, and then held her hand out for the regenerator. "Here, let me do the same for you."

He sat down beside her, unable to protest. Because, in truth, he needed her close again. Her hands were gentle on his face and he couldn't take his eyes from her, because he could barely believe she was here. Not just alive, but, somehow, entirely inexplicably, his. She met his eyes, as if reading his mind, and then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him back, tentative at first, and then passionately until she filled his mind with her taste, and her smell and her feel. They broke eventually, both breathing hard, watching one another. She was sitting in his lap now – he vaguely recalled putting her there, and he sure as hell didn't regret it. Then something shifted in her eyes, some wall went down, and she was kissing him again, unrestrained and desperate. He echoed her need, frantic to touch her, to assure himself of her feelings, to show her his own. Her eyes were blue, and warm, and hell, he'd always suspected there was this side of her. It wasn't until he kissed her neck, in the place he'd always wanted to since that damn ball at the institute, that he had to acknowledge that frustratingly insistent voice at the back of mind that was telling him that this wasn't a good idea. Because, and he swore loudly in his mind as he pulled away from her, he couldn't do this to her. As much as he wanted to.

"Leonard?" There was confusion in her voice. Damn, this wasn't going to be easy. She knew he loved her. And that he wanted her. Hell, he wanted her so much. "Have I... Did I do something wrong?"

He almost laughed at the madness of that implication as he turned to her. "Wrong? Hell no. But I not sure I can... that is, we should probably not continue." Because he wasn't sure he could stop himself if they did, and then both their careers would go up in flames.

"Why?" She sounded hurt. Damn it, what a mess. He moved her from his lap and onto the chair beside him.

"You know why." She frowned slightly. Clearly she'd realised. Well, there he went. Destroying his own dreams again. Hell, he wished he didn't have a conscience. "You should get some rest Chapel." He suggested. She'd be tired. Hell, he should be exhausted too. Unfortunately the way she had been kissing him was hardly conducive to rest.

She stood up slowly, expression unreadable. Then, she began to remove her boots, face set.

What the..? "Chapel? What the hell are you doing? Are you...?" His words died in his mouth when she began to unzip her dress. Well, he hadn't seen that coming. But she was a very determined woman. And he sure as hell couldn't take her eyes from her. Damn it, was this it – his final trial? How far he'd go to protect her? Her voice was soft, and interrupted his rapid thoughts.

"I don't care, doctor." She turned to face him, and he saw for the first time what she was offering him. She stood before him in her underwear, face vulnerable and open. He saw the rawness in her eyes as they met his. "I honestly don't care." Oh hell, she was offering him everything. She was opening herself up to him. "In the last few months I've found out my entire life is a lie. I have been manipulated, tortured and shot. I've murdered someone who didn't deserve it. I just blew up a Starfleet ship. And through all of that, the only thing I know, the only thing that I can be sure of, is you." For a moment he was paralysed by the sheer honesty and pain in her eyes. "Please." She whispered.

And he knew then, that, despite the consequences, he couldn't say no. He cared for her too much, needed her as much as she needed him. She had turned away from him, as if scared she'd said too much. Hell, she'd just given shown almost everything he'd ever wanted from her. Almost everything. But now he'd have to move carefully. He wasn't exactly know for his tact.

He wrapped his hands around her waist. Her skin was smooth and soft in his hands as he turned her to face him. There were tears in her eyes. "Christine..." He kissed forehead, her eyes, the salty tears on her cheeks. "You're an idiot." He kissed her mouth softly, feeling her tremble. Then he took a step back and looked her over. There, on her stomach, the obvious reminder of how close he'd come to losing her. Well never again. He ran his finger along the reddened scar. But damn, she was beautiful. "I can't say no to you."

She moved closer to him, confidence in her eyes again, hands on his chest. "You've never had too much problem in the past."

"That was entirely different..." She had worked for him. This was about as far from that situation as he could get. "I'm not-."

She put her fingers on his lips, stopping him from continuing, amusement in those eyes. "Leonard. Not another word." She reached up and kissed him extremely persuasively. Any restraint he might have felt left with that.

"Damn tyrant." He muttered, as she laughed. Then he set himself to the very simple task of showing her exactly what she meant to him. Never one to be outdone, she worked to reciprocate. She made her point extremely well of course. And he could have been wrong, but he had the feeling that so did he.

Sometime later he stroked her hair as she lay on his chest, tracing the outline of his hand with gentle fingers. He felt in a mild sense of shock of the intensity of their actions. Right then he'd never felt closer to a person than he did to her. And he sure as hell would never regret it. But he might have just cost her everything. That scared him. In a few hours they'd be back on the Enterprise, and he didn't know what he was going to do if he could no longer be with her.

As perceptive as ever, she kissed his hand, then turned in his arms to face him. "It's going to be ok, Leonard." She touched his face. "I'll find a way for this to work. I promise." He didn't doubt her. Christine Chapel always kept her promises. He pulled her close and thanked her in the best way he knew how.


	49. Chapter 16 Part IV Sixteen Minutes C

Chapter 16 – Sixteen Minutes

Part 4 - Christine

_Ok – we need to tie up some loose ends. I was planning on this being the last chapter, but am writing an epilogue which was originally going to be the first chapter of the next story, because it now doesn't fit with that timeline, and I wanted to write something as a thank you for all of you've who've supported me during this endeavour. I'll explain a little about my plans for future stories at the end of the epilogue, so keep reading! Thank you for all your support, reviews, and for reading._

Christine Chapel opened her eyes. The familiar rumble beneath her assured her that she was on the Enterprise and that they were at warp. She felt a smile come slowly to her lips. Earth was safe. The Armada had stopped short of Jupiter, and the few more adventurous ships had been picked off by the Enterprise. They had returned to the ship a day ago, and the subsequent events had been a blur until she had finally been released to her quarters. She had slept for twelve hours. Unfortunately it had been alone – she had barely seen McCoy since they had returned – they had been interviewed separately by Starfleet Intelligence, who hadn't given them five minutes before they wanted a full report. However, nothing could distract her from what had occurred between them on the Illyrian ship. It had filled her thoughts, her dreams, her being. He loved her. He had made love to her. And it had been amazing– desperate, passionate, tender... Entirely different from anything she had ever experienced. She wouldn't forget that moment in time as long as she lived, when, broken as she was, he had shown her what love really was with a rawness and honesty that was... well perfect really. That was the only word she could ascribe to it. Perfect.

Nevertheless, now she was here alone, head nurse of the Enterprise. Neither of them had dared speak about the future, about the consequences of what they had done. They both knew too well. If someone found out... And of course there was the problem of what they were going to do now. She had promised she'd make it right – and she would. She could not lose him. She'd do whatever it took to be with him. Whatever it took.

She pulled herself out of bed quickly and washed and dressed. She glanced at herself in the mirror and realised she was smiling. She couldn't stop, couldn't remove that happiness that was bubbling in her chest. He loved her. What a difference that simple sentence made to everything. The past events had been nothing short of horrific. They should have haunted her dreams and left a heaviness in her chest. And yet he'd erased all that with three words and his touch. She wondered if he had any idea of the power he had over her. The temptation to go to him was almost overwhelming. Was he thinking about her too? However, she had made a promise. There were some things that she needed to sort out – if this was going to work. She needed to speak to someone. Someone she could trust not a say a word when she suggested her idea. She left her quarters and moved towards Uhura's.

"Christine!" Uhura's door opened and the woman embraced her warmly, then allowed her in. If she was surprised at her impromptu visit she showed no sign of it. However, the subsequent squeal of "Christine!" Told her that Gaila was also present, and was more shocked then her friend. The woman launched herself at her and hugged her fiercely.

"What happened? You wouldn't believe the rumours that are going round the ship. Especially when the doctor disappeared too. And then all the ships, they just stopped, and someone said it was because of you, that you'd sent a transmission, but how-."

"Gaila – let the poor woman speak." Uhura interrupted her, rolling her eyes.

Christine laughed softly, and removed herself gently from the Orion's grasp. "You wouldn't believe what happened. I'm not sure I do. But, it involved us destroying a starship."

"No way! So it's true? You did stop the armada?"

"I suppose so..."

Uhura smiled at her knowingly. "I bet Starfleet Intelligence are pleased with you..."

"Unfortunately so." She laughed at the irony. "They offered me a job." Amongst other things.

"What did you say?" Gaila looked worried. She had no love of the S.I. Neither did Uhura for that matter.

"No, of course." She assured them with a smile. She had no desire to do anything like that ever again. She belonged in the sickbay. She'd turned down the medal too. Vehemently. Everything that came from Starfleet Intelligence came at a price – she knew that all too well now. But she had requested that the clones were safely homed somewhere – and they had agreed to involve her in the process.

"Well, I'm glad you're staying here." Uhura said sincerely. Then she fixed her with a look. "How's the doctor?"

She wondered if she was being entirely too obvious. This was going to be a problem in the future if she was. "Fine I think – I haven't seen him since we returned. Why do you ask?"

She exchanged a glance with Gaila, who grinned. "Well – and you need to trust me on this – when he realised you had taken the ship... well he lost it."

Gaila giggled. "Lost it? He punched the admiral. I wish I'd been there!" He punched an admiral? He hadn't told her that. Poor McCoy. She'd really put him through it.

Uhura nodded. "Trust me, I've seen him furious before, but I've never seen him like that. And then he followed you, of course."

"The admirals were upset about that." Gaila interjected.

Uhura rolled her eyes and continued. "He followed you, despite being warned that it was certain death."

"Which it obviously wasn't." Gaila added again.

"And well... with such evidence, I hardly think that the doctor's feelings for you are platonic. I mean, seeing as-."

"Nyota, you sound like Spock." Gaila interrupted her with a frown. "What she's trying to say is that obviously the doctor is in love with you."

Christine had been trying very hard not to smile during the conversation, but finally couldn't stop herself. Oh dear. It sounded like he was rather obvious. How had she managed not to notice he was in love with her for so long?

Gaila was watching her reaction with widening eyes. "Wait – you know! Oh my-! Thank goodness!"

Uhura looked surprised but amused. "So you finally told him how you feel?"

"No, he told me. We were arguing. And about to die."

Uhura grinned. "Only he would argue under those circumstances." She raised her eyebrows. "And then you didn't die. That must have been pleasant for you both."

Christine felt herself flushing as Gaila giggled. "Well it's not hard to guess what happened."

She attempted to look innocent, but couldn't prevent the smile. "I don't know what you mean."

Gaila looked positively gleeful. "I always said he'd be better if he turned his anger to more pleasant pursuits..." Well that was certainly true – but she wasn't going to kiss and tell. McCoy would be furious with her, and she certainly didn't want that. She kept silent.

Uhura was looking at her carefully. "The problem is if you did do anything like that – not that I'm saying that you did – you both would be in a difficult position."

She sighed. "I know." It was time to be honest. "I don't know if I can... that is, I don't think I can be apart from him now."

"So what are you going to do?" Uhura looked understanding.

"I think I'm going to step down as head nurse."

"What?" Gaila looked alarmed. "But you can't! You're made for that job."

She sighed. This wasn't going well. If they reacted like this, how would others? "I can't think of any other way. McCoy can hardly step down – he's necessary. And he would never leave Jim and I couldn't ask him to. This is the only way."

"But Christine..." Uhura looked concerned.

"We can't lie – it undermines every oath we both took." She pointed out, appealing to her understanding. "He was willing to die for me. If this is what it takes for us to be together, then so be it."

Uhura shook her head, looking slightly bewildered. "Well... if you think that's what you need to do." She felt a wave of relief as her friend smiled slightly. "I suppose it's almost romantic."

She laughed. "Don't tell the doctor that." She doubted that would be his reaction. But she would convince him. Somehow.

A buzz at the door made them all jump. Uhura raised an eyebrow and answered it. They heard quiet voices, and she exchanged a glance with Gaila, who was grinning again. She mouthed 'Spock' to her and she understood. A second later the very Vulcan appeared in Uhura's quarters nodding to her and Gaila.

"Nurse Chapel, Lieutenant."

Gaila pulled a face at Uhura. "Hi Spock."

Christine stood politely. "Commander." She glanced at her friends. "We should go, Gaila."

Uhura smiled. "Actually, he's come to speak to you, Christine."

Now that surprised her. The Vulcan nodded, face impassive. "I am glad to see you well, Nurse Chapel."

"Thank you." She was attempting to work out why he was there. "You also deserve my gratitude for sending Plat to our rescue. We would have died otherwise."

"I merely reminded the Illyrian of his promise to you." He said formally. She was sure if he were Human he would have shrugged.

"Even so..." A thought occurred to her. "How did you even know about his promise?"

Spock raised his eyebrow. "I believe you have forgotten that my species boasts enhanced auditory skills, when compared to those of a Human."

She attempted not to laugh. Gaila's shoulders were shaking and Uhura was looking at her sternly. "Of course."

"My original reason of seeking you out was to give you this." He handed her a PADD. "I am sure you recall that Lieutenant Uhura found several ghost messages on our systems."

"Yes, sir." It had actually slipped her mind, with the drama that had occurred over the last few days.

"Commander Scott has finished decoding them. I believe there is one that you will find interesting."

"Interesting, sir?" She stared down at the blank PADD.

"Yes, Nurse Chapel. Interesting."

"Thank you sir." She glanced at her friends. She suddenly didn't want to read it in front of them, not until she was sure of the contents. "I should go – I believe I'm on duty in a few minutes."

"Of course, Nurse Chapel." She hugged Gaila and Uhura, and made her way to the door.

"Spock!" Uhura's voice was sharp, and he glanced at his partner almost awkwardly.

"There is one further thing, Nurse Chapel." She paused at the door. "You are, of course, familiar with the medical code, but may I suggest that you re-read it. Paying particular attention to Section 141, subheading 12."

Uhura was smiling, and her confusion deepened. The medical code? "Of course, sir. Goodbye." He nodded and the door shut.

Handover had just began when she reached the sickbay, and she was immediately met by Temple and the other nurses, who hugged her tightly, and demanded to know all the details of what she had done. She told them what she could – which wasn't very much, but seemed to pacify them – then set about giving them their orders for the day. A short glance told her the doctor's door was shut.

"How is Doctor McCoy?" She asked, worry slightly gnawing at her.

Campbell glanced at his door with a concerned look. "It's odd, Nurse Chapel. He's... well he's smiling..."

Ogiri nodded. "He seems off. I think he might be sick. Nurse Temple offered to scan him, but he wouldn't let her of course."

"Of course." She kept her face carefully neutral. "Well, I'll finish my duties, then see if he is alright." She wondered whether she could tell him that his happiness was scaring the nurses. She probably couldn't. She enjoyed his good moods too much.

The nurses nodded their relief, then got to work as she sat down at her desk. The PADD was still in her hand, but she wasn't sure whether she was ready to see it. Not here, in public. Instead, she pulled up the medical code, and scanned through until she reached the section Spock had pointed out. She read it through. Then she read it through again. And then she smiled and went to find the doctor.

"Come."

She entered and the doctor looked up at her, relieved. "Hell, I'm glad it's you. I thought Jim had come back to wind me up some more."

She took her seat opposite him with a smile. "About what?"

"What do you think?" He smiled slightly.

"You told him?"

"Of course not. He damn well guessed."

She supposed it was no different than Uhura and Gaila. She glanced at him, suddenly feeling lost for words. "So..."

"So." He was watching her carefully, and she blushed at the look in his eyes. Because now she understood it. And reciprocated it.

"I think I've solved our problem, doctor."

"Is that so?" He folded his arms across his chest, his usual stance for a fight. Well, she wasn't in the mood for an argument. Not unless it resulted in him kissing her. She pushed away that appealing thought. "Let me guess, you're planning on standing down, and making Temple head nurse?"

She stared at him for a moment. He really did know her too well. "Actually no."

He raised an eyebrow. "No? Hell, thank goodness for that. Because there was no way that was going to happen."

"It would have made sense." She pointed out mildly.

"Chapel, we both know that the sickbay would fall apart if you weren't head nurse." His voice was gruff, and she smiled at the thinly veiled compliment.

"Temple's not that bad."

"She's not that good either. And more to the point, she isn't you."

"Well, there is another option."

He raised an eyebrow. "Does it involve you leaving?"

"No."

"Then please enlighten me."

She laughed at him softly. He was entirely ridiculous, and she loved him for it. "I was re-reading the medical code. Do you remember Section 141, subheading 12."

"Remember it? Hell Chapel, of course I don't remember it. I'm not some damned Vulcan." She attempted not to laugh at that. She had the feeling that it probably wasn't best to let him know who had pointed her in the right direction. He was already having issues knowing that Spock had told the Illyrian's to rescue them.

"Well, I'll read it to you." She pulled it up on her PADD. "Section 141, subheading 12 – in respect to shoreleave: All medical personnel upon shoreleave, are unable to give orders, nor are obligated to respond to orders from higher rank, unless there is direct threat to life which deem such actions necessary."

McCoy paused, frowning. Then, suddenly, he stared at her. "Hell, does that mean...?"

"Yes..." She smiled at him, encouraging him to continue.

"That... on shoreleave, you don't have to respond to my orders."

"Yes."

"And I can't give them to you."

"Yes."

"So technically... technically, you're not my head nurse?"

"Exactly."

He smiled his half-smile and the butterflies in her stomach danced happily. "Which means, technically, on shoreleave, we can do whatever the hell we want."

"Something like that."

"Hell." He wiped his face with his hand and she grinned.

"We'll have to be careful whilst we're on the Enterprise. No one can suspect – not a thing. We won't be able to do... well anything." She knew if they were pulled up in front of the medical council they would both have to be in a position to take an oath and swear they hadn't had a physical relationship whilst in the their respective positions. Which meant that she had to keep her hands off him until next shoreleave. Which wouldn't be easy, given that her whole body was screaming to go to him and never leave his side again.

"No." McCoy agreed. He gave her a long look, eyes hot on hers. "Remind me, Chapel, how long it is until next shoreleave."

"A month."

"A month." He repeated slowly. She was struggling to read his expression.

"At least we don't have to worry about this moving too fast." She pointed out. She cared too much for him to ruin things by acting hastily. But this wouldn't be easy. Would he really be willing to wait that long for her? She didn't doubt he loved her, but what if that changed? What if he wasn't prepared for a relationship that was going to rely heavily on their friendship and stolen moments on shoreleave?

He stared at her for a moment, then chuckled suddenly. "Christine, I assure you I can screw up any relationship, fast or slow. However, if you're worrying whether I'm going to wait to have a relationship with you, well, I'd not lay a finger on you for the next four years if I had to."

"You would?" She saw his sincerity and loved him for it. There was no man like him.

"Yes." He gave her a look that left her slightly breathless. "Although I would probably spontaneously combust."

She laughed, remembering. If she had to wait another four years for that... "I think I would too." He was still looking at her with those eyes, and the urge to walk over and kiss him was near overwhelming. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Good grief – how was she meant to live with that? She attempted to change the subject.

"Did you speak to Intelligence?"  
"Yes." He frowned. "It wasn't pretty."

She smiled. She could imagine. "I heard that you punched an admiral."

He snorted. "Well, he deserved it. Unfortunately, I think Chapman's going to make me pay."

"Well you're a hero, and Jim's best friend, so they can't do much."

He rolled his eye. "I wouldn't put my money on it. What did they say to you?"

She shrugged. "The usual. Offered me a medal, then what ever I wanted when I turned it down."

He scowled. "Me too. What did you say?"

"I asked that they looked after the clones. You?"

"I asked them to give Farie Ajec a decent funeral." She felt stunned – part of her had forgotten the scientist in her need to forget the events on the ship. The woman that had saved them both and brought them time. And they probably didn't even know her real name. She wondered if the Trill had a family somewhere that would mourn her death. It was like the doctor never to forget. "I asked for something else too." There was hesitance in his voice. "I'm not sure what you'll think of it." She waited patiently for him to continue. "I asked if I could carry out your medical training."

She stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?"

"Well, Chapel, you practically act like a doctor here anyhow, so it seems idiotic for you to have to go to medical school and learn things you already know. Starfleet have agreed to allow you to carry out your training on the Enterprise, under me whilst you're still head nurse, and then to take your exams at the end of our mission." He looked nervous. "Only if you want to."

It was more than she'd ever imagined. More than she could believe. He was going to train her. She was going to be a doctor. And she was able to stay here, with him, the man she loved more than anything. "Of course I want to." She shook her head at him in wonder. "How could I not want to?"

He frowned, but there was relief in his eyes. "Well, we're see if you're still saying that when you're trying to do all that learning on top of your duties. And don't think I'll go easy on you because I... well because of my feelings for you."

She grinned at him. His feelings for her... "Leonard, you've never gone easy on me in the past. I would hardly expect it to start now."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Don't get cocky Chapel. So, what do you need me to do today?" He indicated to her PADD, and she glanced down and realised she was carrying the one Spock had given her. She activated it, and frowned. It was an audio file. She was suddenly unsure whether she wanted to hear it. "Chapel?"

She looked up to see the confused eyes of the doctor. "It's one of the ghost files – Spock gave it to me. He said it would interest me." She paused, glancing back down at it. Someone had deleted this file. Maybe it should have stayed deleted. It was over now. She was done. She didn't need any more reminders of the past, or of what they'd just done. And yet...

"Play it." McCoy ordered her firmly. She glanced at him again, seeking his reassurance, then obediently played the file.

"Christine. If you're listening to this than I am dead, and I have set you down a difficult path." The soft voice filled the room, freezing her mind. She knew that voice. Of course she did. It was Roger Korby's. "I'm sure that I owe you some semblance of an explanation. I know that you will find what you have done difficult, and I would like to think that you feel at least some remorse for aiding my suicide. Nevertheless, I assure you it was necessary, as have been most of my actions, although, my dear, I have found many of them regrettable. Seeing you again on this ship, seeing the woman that you have become, reassures me, if nothing else, that I did the right thing.

"When I found mention of equipment that could create perfection, I cannot lie, I was filled with hope. I desired to create Utopia, as we had often spoken of – a society where perfection and happiness reigned. In my plans, I needed you at my side, the closest thing I had ever found to perfection in our universe. But you were so young, to give yourself entirely to such a project, and had not yet become your own person, although I entirely loved the woman that you were. I needed you to gain strength – to be strong enough to stand up to me, should it be necessary. And, of course, my dear, it was. So I left you, although it grieved me, I assure you, to be away from your radiance. I worked with the remarkable equipment, saw what it could do, and was still optimistic that we could use it. However, it was not until you found me, until I saw your beautiful face, that I realised what I had become. How, in obsessing over perfection, I had led myself down the path of imperfection. It was then that I recalled some of your first words – how we travel the stars to find truth, and realised the truth I had found was simple. Our worlds were not prepared for the perfection that Exo III offered. I knew however, that I would not be strong enough to protect it. The equipment sang out to me like a sirens call, and I had killed because of it. But you – I knew that if I continued to test you, you would be stronger, as you were already better. And you are – you have just proved it by protecting an innocent." She hadn't realised she was shaking until she felt McCoy's arms wrap around her shoulders, giving her the support she needed as the voice continued. "It grieves me to give you such a burden, my love, but I know that you will bear it well. I ask that you protect the equipment, even to its destruction if necessary, for there are already many eyes on it, seeking the power that it would bring to our universe. I have done what I can to aid you, but trust that you will know what to do.

"Finally, Christine, I need you to know that I loved you, I always have done. However, when I returned to Earth I could never ask you to reciprocate feelings when I was as fallen as I was. I cannot avoid the simple cliché that you were too good for me. Nevertheless, from what I have seen of you on this ship, there may be others that will fill my place better and more completely. Leonard McCoy seems attached to you, and perhaps the stern chap could benefit from a person such as yourself." She felt the doctor's arms tighten around her. "But forgive the ramblings of an old man. I have moved on to a higher place now, and have left my possessions to you. I am, and always will be, your servant."

She sat still, stunned for a moment, before leaning back into the doctor's warmth. Well... She wasn't sure what to think. Things would have been much easier if she had heard this message earlier. But then, perhaps they wouldn't have been. She wasn't sure she would have been ready to hear that he had loved her all along. She had McCoy now – Roger had been perceptive about that as he had about everything else. And for the first time, her life was falling into place.

"Chapel?" The doctor's breath was warm by her ear, and she felt herself smile as he kissed her cheek. She loved him.

"We should be careful, doctor. If someone was to walk in now, there would be talk."

She could feel his chuckle vibrate in his chest. "The nurses will simply think I'm trying to strangle you."

She was grateful of his change of subject, grateful that he made no comment. It was over, and she didn't want to talk about it. "I don't know – they warned me you've been acting awfully out of character. Apparently you've been smiling a lot recently."

He kissed her temple then released her, taking his own seat with that half-smile. "I can't think why."

She laughed softly. "Me neither. What could have possibly occurred to put _you_ in a good mood?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, you've got a month to work it out, Chapel. I'll hear your hypothesis on shoreleave."

"I'd best do some research then."

"Yes, you probably should."

She laughed at the heated expression on his face, and handed him a PADD. "But in the meantime doctor, we have quarterly reports coming up, and you're already behind."  
"Damn it – how is that even possible?" He scowled at the PADD, and she laughed.

"I believe you've been preoccupied lately."

"Of course I have. Do you have any idea how distracting it is sitting opposite you every night?"

She shook her head at him, smiling archly. It hadn't been particularly easy for her either, especially after their first kiss. "Well, I don't have to, you know."

He gave her a stern look. "Damn right you do. You belong in the chair, Chapel, so you'd best come to terms with it."

She smiled. "I already did doctor, a long time ago." His expression softened, and she felt that pull to kiss him again. "Right, now the quarterly reports. I thought we'd start with Jim."

He returned her smile. "Very well, Nurse Chapel."

"Thank you, Doctor McCoy."

And so they began.


	50. Chapter 16 Part IV Sixteen Minutes McCoy

Chapter 16 – Sixteen Minutes

Part 4 – McCoy

A strange sound woke him, and for a moment he was completely disorientated. Then he opened his eyes to the almost-familiar surroundings of his quarters, and Jim Kirk, watching him idly, munching on an apple. Oh hell.

"I'm not sure what is more disturbing - the fact that you've got into my quarters, or the fact you're watching me sleep." He mumbled, pulling himself to a sitting position.

Jim laughed. "I was worried. You've been in here for eleven hours straight. You've never been so long away from the sickbay before."

He didn't bother pointing out the inaccuracy of that statement. "Well I was tired." And he had been dreaming. It had been a good dream, made all the better by the fact that it was at least partly memory. He attempted not to smile at that thought.

"I don't doubt it, but you're usually too worked up to sleep for this length of time. Normally you're running back to the sickbay so you can moon over Christine." Jim was grinning, and he was unsure how to respond. "So... How is Nurse Chapel?" He continued innocently. Damn it. He suspected. Jim was about as innocent as a wolf.

"How the hell would I know? I've been asleep for hours, and was trapped in with the damn admirals before that." Maybe he should go and find her. But no, he should let her sleep. She had been exhausted, and he hadn't done much to help that on the other ship...

"Bones?"

"What, Jim?"

"You're smiling."

Oh hell. He was. He straightened his face quickly. "And?"

Jim was grinning. "Well, you've been walking around the ship for weeks like you're about to spontaneously combust-."

"It's impossible to spontaneously combust, Jim." He interrupted.

"And now you're smiling, and haven't sworn at me once, despite the fact I'm sitting in your quarters. You told her, didn't you?" Damn. He hated it when Jim was perceptive. He made no reply. Maybe he'd just go away and leave him with his thoughts. Jim burst out laughing. "You did! I knew it!"

"Go to hell, Jim."

"What? Did she cry again?"

"No." She definitely did not cry.

"Then what?"

"Mind your damn business."

"Come on Bones, you can tell me."

"No. I can't." Not unless he wanted to upset Chapel. And upsetting her was the last thing he wanted to do to her right now. He could think of plenty of other things he did want to do to her...

Jim stared at him for a moment. Then his smile, if possible, widened further. "You slept with her!"

"What the hell Jim? How could you possibly...?" He realised quickly that his friend had been shooting in the dark. Damn it. He hated it when he used his captain moves.  
Jim was laughing so hard he was holding his sides. "Explains why you seem a lot more relaxed though." He gasped.

"You're worse than a teenage girl, Jim, I swear."

"Now, now. Don't go spoiling that good mood of yours. Christine will be upset with me."

"Go to hell." He laid back down. "Now, if you don't mind, I was sleeping."

Jim snorted. "Yeah, right. We both know you're going to be in sickbay in ten minutes, waiting on Christine."

Unfortunately he was probably right. He felt that desperate need to see her again, just to confirm to his psyche that she was happy, that she wasn't having second thoughts. And because he just wanted to see those blue eyes and those legs... Damn it. Jim was still grinning at him.

"Get lost, Jim. I need to shower."

"Yes. You should probably make it a cold one."

"Go to hell."

"I assume that we're keeping this a secret."

He paused. He'd temporarily forgotten the restrictions that would be on them now. "Yes. Until we work out what we're going to do."

"Any ideas?"

He frowned, moving his hands behind his head. "Well, I could step down as CMO, but I don't see her liking that..." And with Seams dead, and Zuvolt looking after Kier, things would be difficult if he did.

"Me neither. You'd better think of something better."  
"I'm not sure there is something better. It might be that we have to wait for four years."

Jim whistled under his breath. "Wait? Are you serious? You mean wait like not touch her?" He shrugged. It wasn't a nice thought for him either, not being able to touch her. Especially when he'd experienced exactly what it felt like to be with her. But he'd be able to see her every day. And he knew her feelings for him. It would be enough. "That's crazy."

"No – I love her. It's worth it."

Jim shook his head in disbelief. "I really don't understand you."

"Of course you don't. I swear Jim, one day, when you finally find some woman to love and she turns you down I'm going to laugh. Hard."

"Not going to happen."

"Well, at this rate, probably not. But I can but hope."

"I'm sure I'd never give you the satisfaction. Besides, no woman can resist my little boy charm." He grinned. "Right, I suppose I should be off. I have a nice meeting with that appealing little ensign from engineering. You need anything?"

"A new best friend?"

"Well, I hear Spock's available, if you want to replace me." He laughed. "But let's not pretend you wouldn't miss me."

"Like a hole in the head."

"Exactly." The captain winked at him, and departed his quarters. McCoy lay still for a moment, trying, unsuccessful, to blot the conversation from his mind, then gave in and got up.

His walk to the sickbay was a short one which was lucky because he was paying no attention. He couldn't stop thinking about her. That smile. The way she had responded to him. The way she had told him she loved him. He couldn't stop the smile that came to his lips. She loved him. Christine Chapel loved him. It was embarrassing how happy three simple words made him.

"Doctor?" Galloway walked towards him, pausing in the corridor next to him.

"Lieutenant." Damn it. He wasn't sure what to say. The man had helped him – had helped them both. He'd also admitted to be in love with Chapel, and he wasn't happy with that. Thanks for beaming me to the ship, but stay the hell away from Chapel?

"I'm glad you're well sir. I'm glad you both are." The man's face was blank, but he could read between the lines.

"Me too. I'm glad we got out of there together." The emphasis on the final word was enough. Galloway bowed his head slightly, saluted and continued up the corridor. And that, hopefully, was the end of that.

When he entered he half expected her to be there already, sitting at her desk with that serene smile as the nurses worked around her. But she wasn't of course. She'd still be asleep. She at least didn't have an irritating friend who would break into her quarters. When he greeted the nurses they looked at him like he'd grown another head. Temple had the audacity to ask to scan him. He shut himself in his office because he wasn't sure whether he could stop smiling like a lunatic.

There was a knock at the door a few hours later and he put down the PADD he had been working on. "Come."

He was relieved when Chapel came in. He wasn't sure how much longer he could have gone on pretending that he wasn't thinking about her, and ignoring the instinct telling him to go and find her. Damn, but she'd think he was pathetic if he told her that. "Hell, I'm glad it's you. I thought Jim had come back to wind me up some more."

She smiled at him, and gracefully took the seat opposite him. He tried very hard to keep his eyes on her face, and to stop the straying elsewhere. "About what?"

"What do you think?" This was Jim they were talking about.

She frowned slightly. "You told him?"

"Of course not. He damn well guessed." Unbelievably. He sure picked his perceptive moments. And it didn't help he'd been half-asleep when he started his inquisition. He realised her eyes were on his face, and felt suddenly awkward.

"So..." Clearly she was feeling the same.

"So." He wondered what she'd do if he got up and kissed her. It would certainly ease the tension, and she probably wouldn't protest. But then, it probably wasn't a good idea. Damn it.

"I think I've solved our problem, doctor."

"Is that so?" That was quicker than he had expected. Which probably meant that she'd come up with the one solution he'd hoped she wouldn't. "Let me guess, you're planning on standing down, and making Temple head nurse?"

She gave him a surprised look. "Actually no."

"No? Hell, thank goodness for that. Because there was no way that was going to happen."

"It would have made sense." The fact she was defending it, suggested that the thought had crossed her mind.

"Chapel, we both know that the sickbay would fall apart if you weren't head nurse." He told her honestly.

She smiled at him. He would never tire of her smile. "Temple's not that bad." He supposed not – if you liked the fact she was neurotic.

"She's not that good either. And more to the point, she isn't you."

"Well, there is another option."

He felt suddenly suspicious. "Does it involve you leaving?"

"No." Thank goodness for that.

"Then please enlighten me."

She laughed affectionately. "I was re-reading the medical code. Do you remember Section 141, subheading 12."

"Remember it? Hell Chapel, of course I don't remember it. I'm not some damned Vulcan."

She looked amused. "Well, I'll read it to you." She pulled it up on her PADD. "Section 141, subheading 12 – in respect to shoreleave: All medical personnel upon shoreleave, are unable to give orders, nor are obligated to respond to orders from higher rank, unless there is direct threat to life which deem such actions necessary."

For a moment he didn't understand. He thought the words back to himself. Then, he had the first glimmer of understanding. "Hell, does that mean...?"

"Yes..." She encouraged him.

"That... on shoreleave, you don't have to respond to my orders."

"Yes."

"And I can't give them to you."

"Yes."

"So technically... technically, you're not my head nurse?"

"Exactly."

He couldn't stop the smile that came to his lips. "Which means, technically, on shoreleave, we can do whatever the hell we want."

"Something like that."

"Hell." He couldn't believe it. She'd found a loophole. Somehow she'd found some way for them to actually have a relationship. He should have never doubted her. She was, if nothing else, extraordinary.

"We'll have to be careful whilst we're on the Enterprise. No one can suspect – not a thing. We won't be able to do... well anything." Chapel was saying. He realised she was right. They couldn't do anything to endanger her reputation – Starfleet couldn't get even a hint.

"No." Hell, but that was going to be difficult. Because right now all he wanted to do was push her onto that desk and... "Remind me, Chapel, how long it is until next shoreleave."

"A month."

"A month." Thirty days. He couldn't lay a finger on her for thirty days. He had a feeling shoreleave was going to be his new favourite word.

She gave him a nervous smile "At least we don't have to worry about this moving too fast." Move too fast? They'd gone from colleagues to lovers in the space of about an hour. It probably couldn't get much faster. Not that he minded. Hell, he was fairly sure he wanted to marry her, which was mad, given how poorly that had worked out for him the last time. But he didn't want her to have any regrets. He would take things slowly for her. He was going to do this right.

He noticed she was looking worried, and suddenly understood. He almost laughed. Hadn't he already proved to her how committed he was to her? "Christine, I assure you I can screw up any relationship, fast or slow. However, if you're worrying whether I'm going to wait to have a relationship with you, well, I'd not lay a finger on you for the next four years if I had to."

She gave him such a brilliant smile that he felt himself catching his breath. "You would?"

"Yes." Damn, he wanted to kiss her. "Although I would probably spontaneously combust." Impossible or not. It would be hard enough to wait a month.

She laughed, blushing slightly, then gave him an impish look. "I think I would too." Damn, that wasn't helping his raging emotions. "Did you speak to Intelligence?" He understood her change of subject. This probably wasn't the time to explore the other one.

"Yes." He frowned. "It wasn't pretty." It had involved a great deal of shouting – and not even by him. Well, he had disobeyed a direct order. And illicitly been beamed to a ship. And helped Christine save Earth. That was enough to get them all hot and bothered.

She raised her eyebrows. "I heard that you punched an admiral."

Damn right. "Well, he deserved it." And he had been somewhat highly strung at the time. "Unfortunately, I think Chapman's going to make me pay." He probably wasn't the best person to get on the wrong side of.

"Well you're a hero, and Jim's best friend, so they can't do much."

He rolled his eye. She always thought the best of people. "I wouldn't put my money on it. What did they say to you?"

She shrugged mildly. "The usual. Offered me a medal, then what ever I wanted when I turned it down." He'd forgotten she'd done this sort of thing before – saving all those people during the Narada. Damn, they were going to offer her a job if she kept catching Intelligence's attention.

He scowled. "Me too. What did you say?"

"I asked that they looked after the clones." Well that sounded like her. "You?"

"I asked them to give Farie Ajec a decent funeral." It was the least he could do for the woman who had given her life for them. He wouldn't forget. Chapel was looking sad. He had a feeling that she wouldn't forget either. Well, he'd best tell her the rest. "I asked for something else too. I'm not sure what you'll think of it." She was looking at him curiously. Hell, this could go very badly. "I asked if I could carry out your medical training." It hadn't been easy. He'd had to apologise to Chapman, which had been painful. And he was going to have to jump through hell knew how many hoops. Thankfully, they seemed to think a lot of Chapel, in a way they didn't think much of him.

"What?" She was staring at him with wide eyes.

He felt suddenly nervous. "Well, Chapel, you practically act like a doctor here anyhow, so it seems idiotic for you to have to go to medical school and learn things you already know. Starfleet have agreed to allow you to carry out your training on the Enterprise, under me whilst you're still head nurse, and then to take your exams at the end of our mission." But then there was the possibility that she might not want him to take on her education. Things certainly were complicated enough between them. The fact she was giving him a wide-eyed look said maybe he was pushing things. "Only if you want to."

She stared at him for a moment, then broke into a brilliant smile, and he let out a breath in relief. "Of course I want to." She shook her head at him. "How could I not want to?"

He felt slightly embarrassed at the look of gratitude she was giving him. "Well, we're see if you're still saying that when you're trying to do all that learning on top of your duties. And don't think I'll go easy on you because I... well because of my feelings for you."

Her smile widened, light shining in her eyes. "Leonard, you've never gone easy on me in the past. I would hardly expect it to start now."

"Don't get cocky Chapel." If she kept looking at him like that he was going to lose all inhibitions fast. "So, what do you need me to do today?" He glanced at her PADD – he probably shouldn't be surprised she'd already written a things-to-do list. She followed his eyes down, looking slightly perplexed as her hands moved across it. Then she paused. "Chapel?" He knew that look of hers too well.

"It's one of the ghost files – Spock gave it to me. He said it would interest me." Damn it. Why the hell was Spock interfering? She was looking at it like it was about to bite her. She needed this to be over, and he needed to be there to help her pick up the pieces.

"Play it." She looked at him, vulnerable, but nodded slowly and ran her fingers across the screen.

The voice was familiar. Roger Korby. Not a voice he was ever expecting to hear again. Clearly neither was Christine. She'd frozen, her face expressionless. Damn it, he hated it when she shut herself off from him. He couldn't help but move, worried by her pain, and, if he was honest, by a feeling of possessiveness. She was shaking, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close, listening to the dead scientists words.

"Nevertheless, from what I have seen of you on this ship, there may be others that will fill my place better and more completely. Leonard McCoy seems attached to you, and perhaps the stern chap could benefit from a person such as yourself." He pulled her closer. Damn right. Didn't take a genius to work that out. "But forgive the ramblings of an old man. I have moved on to a higher place now, and have left my possessions to you. I am, and always will be, your servant."

Her servant? Damn melodramatic idiot. He felt her lean back into him, relaxing suddenly, and hoped the worse was over. She wasn't crying. She wasn't speaking. Hell, he wished he could read her better.

"Chapel?" He kissed her cheek and felt her smile, much to his relief.

Her voice was normal when she spoke. "We should be careful, doctor. If someone was to walk in now, there would be talk."

He laughed, partly from relief. She was his. Korby was gone. "The nurses will simply think I'm trying to strangle you."

"I don't know – they warned me you've been acting awfully out of character. Apparently you've been smiling a lot recently." Damn, it explained why they'd been looking at him like he was insane.

He kissed her on the forehead, allowing himself to hold her close for one moment more, and then took his seat again with a smile. "I can't think why."

She laughed softly. "Me neither. What could have possibly occurred to put _you_ in a good mood?"

"Well, you've got a month to work it out, Chapel. I'll hear your hypothesis on shoreleave." Ideally, she could _show_ him her hypothesis on shoreleave. Now that was something nice to think about.

"I'd best do some research then."

"Yes, you probably should." Hell, he wondered if she saw what she was doing to him.

She laughed again and handed him a PADD. "But in the meantime doctor, we have quarterly reports coming up, and you're already behind." Well at least she was back to normal.  
"Damn it – how is that even possible?"

"I believe you've been preoccupied lately."

He scowled at her. "Of course I have. Do you have any idea how distracting it is sitting opposite you every night?"

She shook her head at him, smiling archly. "Well, I don't have to, you know."

Oh hell. "Damn right you do. You belong in the chair, Chapel, so you'd best come to terms with it."

She gave him a penetrating look, eyes calmly on his own. "I already did doctor, a long time ago." Hell. He wanted to kiss her. It was excruciating. "Right, now the quarterly reports. I thought we'd start with Jim." She smiled. Clearly his thoughts were obvious.

He returned her smile. Well if she wanted to play it like this... "Very well, Nurse Chapel."

"Thank you, Doctor McCoy." They smiled at one another for a moment longer, before a wail assured him Jim was calling him to the bridge, and shouts outside called for Chapel's attention. They separated wearily. Shoreleave. His new favourite word.


	51. Epilogue

Epilogue – One Month Later

McCoy washed the blood from his hands and examined the bustle around him, searching for a particular face. He was tired, his body ached from being bent over patients for the last forty-eight hours and his patience was wearing thin. This was not how he'd planned to spend shoreleave. He finally found her, annotating the chart of a sleeping patient, a look of concentration on her face, strands of hair coming loose from her normally neat bun. She looked shattered – she'd had to educate and organise a primitive medical staff in aseptic technique in addition to assisting him and looking after patients. She'd been more overworked than he had been. And, of course, she'd done it all with a smile. She really was something else, and he would love to do nothing more right now than kiss her just for being so damn well perfect. But, of course, he couldn't – at least not publicly – shoreleave or otherwise. He could never damn well catch a break. The earthquake had hit almost as soon as their transport had landed, and they could hardly have turned a blind eye – not when their own medical knowledge was so much more advanced. Of course, the people had seen it as fortuitous – them being here at a time like this. He supposed it was. They had saved many lives. But he didn't have to like it.

He studied her slim form and those blue eyes, and scowled. If he didn't know better he would have thought that she was deliberately ignoring him. He'd barely had a chance to speak to her since they'd got here. There had been a few minutes when they'd both been cleaning up following an op – but she'd ensured that there wasn't much talking and he'd been more than happy to comply (he was finding that he liked that side of her more and more). Now their role was over, they had less than twenty-four left, and he most definitely didn't want to spend it here. He wanted to be with her. And for once, fate owed him.

Christine had begun to feel that warm sensation on her peripheral vision that told her that he was watching her, and attempted not to smile. It had been a long few days – and not what she had anticipated at all – but in some ways it hadn't been a total loss. They had saved a lot of people, made a real difference, and built a good relationship with the people that might lead to a promising alliance. But that was not why they had come here and she could practically feel McCoy bristling with frustration from across the room.

Things had been peaceful between them since the circumstances that Jim now called the Korby Incident. Of course, the doctor still got angry occasionally, and they sporadically argued over the staff or his stubbornness, but things were different. Because she was sure of his feelings now, and he was sure of hers – and she knew that behind every one of his harsh words there was a softness that he kept for her.

"If I'd realised you were so slow at updating the drug charts Chapel, I would have requested another nurse." She jumped – she had never seen him move towards her. Well, that was what she got for daydreaming. His voice was insensitive and loud in her ears but the hand at the base of her back was entirely different. Perhaps it was scarcity of physical contact she'd had with the Doctor on the Enterprise, but every touch sent her heart into overdrive at the moment. She had a feeling that he knew that.

She forced her face to calmness and turned to him with a small smile. "I imagine another nurse would have said no to you, doctor. We are on shoreleave after all."

He scowled at her, and removed the drug chart from her hands. "Don't remind me of that. Come on, let's get out of here."

The idea was tempting – more than tempting when he was looking at her with heat in his eyes – but there were still so many things that needed to be done. She was hesitant to leave such an untrained staff to their own devices. "I can't. There's still more drug charts I need to check over, and the patient in bed ten's wound is weeping again and-."

"Damn it Chapel. Stop mothering them. They'll be fine on their own."

"Even so..."

"We're leaving." He gave her a firm look she knew too well. "Don't make me order you."

She raised an eyebrow at him, smile coming to her lips. Clearly he'd forgotten why they were here in the first place. "As I recall doctor, you can't order me at the moment."

He stared at her, then frowned. "No I can't. But I swear I'll carry you out of here kicking and screaming if I have to."

She laughed at the earnestness on his face. "I'm not sure if I should be alarmed at your threats to abduct me. Do you have somewhere to be?"

"Damn right I do. And so do you." He took her hand. "Come on, before someone notices and needs us to do something."

He all but dragged her out at an almost jog. She wondered if he was worried she'd escape if he paused. As if she'd want to. The butterflies in her stomach and the heat where their hands met ensured her than she wanted to be there as much as he did. She wouldn't have minded if he'd abducted her one bit.

And then they were free. McCoy breathed the sweet air deeply in the darkness, ignoring the dust in the back of his throat that arose from the destroyed homes. Given the size of the quake, the actual number of buildings flattened was unexpectedly small. The unfortunate part was that the epicentre had been under a filled arena, where most of their patients had come from. It had been carnage when they had arrived, all smoke and noise and running. Nevertheless, as far he could make out from his subtle questioning, their hotel was still intact and functioning. A small mercy at least. He glanced at Chapel, who seemed to have revived in the fresh air. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand. It was strange how such a small action fed fire through his veins and made his heart race. Or perhaps not given the intensity of his feelings for her. It had been a long month. If Jim gave him one more knowing wink he was probably going to punch him, friend or otherwise. He made Spock look a whole lot more bearable. At least the Vulcan wasn't interested in his personal life.

They rounded the corner in easy silence, lights flickering from ships up above. He liked that she didn't small-talk – he always had. For once he could imagine that they were any other couple on shoreleave. No one even gave them a second look as they walked down the street – Humans were a regular sight here. He kissed her hand, just because he could, and they entered the hotel. He'd meant to choose it himself when Jim had finally decided on a location for shoreleave, but he'd run out of time, and finally he'd had to rely on Jim's recommendation. He was expecting something as gaudy as the women that Jim seduced, but felt considerable relief when he finally saw it. It was small and plain-faced, an inn for locals rather than tourists. Sometimes Jim could be surprisingly perceptive. Things might just be salvageable.

Christine smiled as they collected keys and he handed her one. He'd got her a separate room. Something about that lack of presumption touched her. He was going to leave this in her hands – let her decide what happened between them. Well, she hadn't waited a month just to hold his hand.

They paused outside her door and things seemed suddenly awkward between them. She found it slightly amusing – she spent the majority of her day with him, they spoke about virtually everything, and yet here they were, like any other couple, standing outside of a door and waiting for the other to say something. Another couple walked past them. The man was whispering something a blue skinned woman's ear and the girl – a Tyirna? – was giggling. McCoy looked visibly sickened and she felt a wave of pity for him. For them both. They were too old for such games.

"Do you want a drink, doctor?"

"Hell yes." He looked visibly relieved as he followed her into her room.

She located the replicator and ordered something she vaguely remembered hearing the name of, and an orange juice for herself. McCoy was still standing, leaning against the wall, watching her with his arms folded. He looked tired, stubble lined his cheeks, and his hands were shaking slightly. But his eyes were warm and appreciative, despite the frown on his face, and she found it reassuring. She handed him the drink wordlessly. He met her eyes as he took it, placed it on the cabinet beside him, then wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her so thoroughly she would have dropped her glass had he not taken it at some point at placed it next to his own. She had forgotten exactly what it felt like to be kissed by him. His touch alone was electrifying, but his kiss was something else entirely. When they broke she was breathing hard, her arms still locked around his neck.

She smiled at him. The awkwardness between them had vanished. "Better?"

He returned her smile, looking suddenly younger. "Much." He hadn't realised how much of a strain it was keeping away from her until he didn't have to. Hell, the woman had no idea of the effect she had on him. Especially with her arms still around his neck. Especially when she smelt so strongly of pear drops. And when she kissed him back the way she had. He reached down and kissed her again, gentler this time, enjoying the feeling of her, committing to memory her taste and the feeling of her skin. He was going to have to go a long time before he could do this again, and he was going to memorise as much as he could about her while he could. She stroked his back slowly as if sharing his thoughts, replacing his tension with a different sort entirely. When they broke she looked up at him, cheeks flushed and eyes shining that brilliant blue that almost broke his self-control.

"Leonard?"

"Yes."

She gave her best nurse's look. "If you're going to keep kissing me like that, may I suggest you remove the pins from my hair? I've found they get in the way." She said it so matter-of-factly that he burst out laughing. There really was no woman like her.

"Get in the way of what exactly, nurse?"

She frowned at him, but his laughter was reflected in her eyes as he moved her away slightly and began to remove the pins. "Well doctor, I would have thought you'd heard, but when two people care for each other very much-."

"Stop being smart with me, woman." He silenced her with a kiss to her neck, then continued to pull out the pins as she grinned at him. Her hair loosened, falling thick and golden down her back, and he ran his hands through it appreciably. There was something intimate about seeing her with her hair down. Perhaps it was because he was one of the few people that had. "You should wear your hair down more often Chapel."

She touched his face softly. "And you should get more sleep. We both know that neither is practical."

"Perhaps." He supposed he preferred her just keeping it for him anyway. He kissed her on the temple. "Certainly sleeping doesn't seem practical right now."

She laughed. "And what does?"

"I can think of a few things."

"Only a few?"

"Well I've had a damned long day. You're usually the one with all the ideas, Chapel." She kissed him softly, then deepened it, hands winding around him until she filled his senses and stopped coherent thought. Just when the flames were becoming unbearable she broke suddenly, leaving him breathless.

"Like that one?" She gave him an amused look, breathless herself.

"That seems along the right lines." He managed to get out. Then he pulled her to him and lost himself in her beauty.

An unwanted sound broke both their thoughts a few minutes later. Christine did her best to ignore it, but could feel McCoy begin to freeze. She felt herself sigh, and pulled away.

"Damn it." The doctor muttered. He pulled himself off her and the chair they had been sitting on. His communicator was beeping loudly for attention. "I swear, I'm going to murder him." He stomped his way across the room in fury. She watched him, shirtless, as he groped for it in his pack. "I am going to make it nasty. And I'm a damn doctor. I can make it nasty." He finally found it, and held it in his hand for a moment, scowling.

"Doctor?" She wondered if he was going to answer it. He probably should – it would be important if they were contacting him on shoreleave.

He looked up at her for a second, and then, before she could protest, he grabbed his phaser from his holster on the counter, and shot it. The sound died immediately and he contemplated the smoking remains with a satisfied look on his face.

She got up slowly and made her way to him, attempting to refrain from sighing. Sometimes he was entirely ridiculous. She calmly took the phaser from his hand and put it back down on the counter. "That seemed a little unnecessary, Leonard."

He turned his scowl on her, but it softened on contact, and he had the decency to give her a slightly rueful look. "Even if I hadn't answered it, Jim would have used it to track us down. You know what he's like. He'd knock the door down if I told him to go away."

"I doubt that it was the captain, doctor."

"Of course it was – who else..." He trailed off, then gave her a sharp look. "What makes you say that?"

She smiled slightly. "Well, he promised me that he would leave us entirely alone for the whole of shoreleave."

"And you believed him?"

"You might have forgotten doctor, that I knew Jim as a child."

"And?"

"And that makes me privy to a great deal of information about him that he may not wish to become public knowledge."

He gazed at her for a moment, then arched an eyebrow. "Chapel, did you blackmail your captain?"

"That's a strong word. But yes, I believe I did." She had a feeling that Jim had rather liked being blackmailed. It hadn't taken much either – a few simple references to the first (and, as far as she was aware, only) girl to break his heart and she had won. She had a feeling he'd wanted to give in anyway. He liked playing the victim.

McCoy was giving her an appraising look. Then he grinned. "Chapel, have I told you recently that I absolutely adore you?"

"No, but then, as I recall, you never were a man of words."

"Damn right." He pulled her close and hugged her tightly. "But, for what it's worth, I love you."

She gazed up at him– the man who had stood by her side through everything, and kissed his cheek. She did not know what she'd done to deserve him, but she'd thank her lucky stars every day. "I love you too."

The End

Or Just the Beginning

_Just wanted to write a thank you for all the support you've all given me over the last 9 months. This was my first fanfiction – and I don't think I would have been able to finish it without the reviews and support you've given me. Thank you again for being wonderful readers and not eating me alive (I've reread some of the early chapters and I might have deserved it) and putting up with my somewhat questionable music taste. I have several stories in the works (and I need to go back and edit this), but the one that is coming next is going to be called The Art of Rescue – and goes something like:_

"_Jim had known his best friend's daughter since she was five, and had always been her favourite uncle. But a chance meeting with the girl, now a woman, opens up feelings for him that could be dangerous for them both. And Joanna has secrets of her own – secrets that could get them both killed."_

_Anyhow you get the jist. Unfortunately you'll get some spoilers for my next McCoy/Chapel fic, since this is set afterwards, but you won't get the details of course. I'm simply bursting to tell this story. I'm hoping to make it a whole lot cleverer then At Your Side, and I'm really excited about it. They're two entirely complex and brilliant people. And let's be honest – Joanna's the only person that I think could take Jim. It was what the writers always intended. However, it should fit nicely with the new film that's coming out next year too. _

_I have another McCoy/Chapel fic up my sleeve of course. It's untitled but goes something like:_

"_Having an illicit relationship on the Enterprise is by no means easy for Christine and McCoy, but when the Federation is plunged into war the Enterprise is forced onto the frontline, and they find their problems are only just beginning. In such peril they must fight not only for their love, but for their lives. Expect aliens, medicine, general grumpiness, and turning tables."_

_I've wanted to do a war fic for a while and I think they're a great couple to do it with. There may or may not be the baby word involved (you'll have to read the Art of Rescue to find out). Plus you get to find out how Christine finally gets to be a doctor._

_Anyhow, review or message me and let me know what you think. The Art of Rescue won't be ready until next year because of its complex timeline – you'll see when you read it. Thank you again and cheerio for now._

_Imsnee_


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